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The Optimal Balance	By : TheMightyFlynn Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 17124 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe and characters belong to JK Rowling and associates. This was written for fun. I make no money from it.

Chapter List
- 1-The Optimal Balance
- 2-Ch. 2
- 3-Ch. 3
- 4-Ch. 4
- 5-Ch. 5
- 6-Ch. 6
- 7-Ch. 7
- 8-Ch. 8
- 9-Ch. 9
- 10-Ch. 10
- 11-Ch. 11
- 12-Ch. 12
- 13-Ch. 13
- 14-Ch. 14
- 15-Ch. 15
- 16-Ch. 16
- 17-Ch. 17
- 18-Ch. 18
- 19-Ch. 19
- 20-Ch. 20
- 21-Ch. 21
- 22-Ch. 22
- 23-Ch. 23
- 24-Ch. 24
- 25-Ch. 25
- 26-Ch. 26
- 27-Ch. 27
- 28-Ch. 28
- 29-Ch. 29
- 30-Ch. 30
- 31-Ch. 31
- 32-Ch. 32
- 33-Ch. 33
- 34-Ch. 34
- 35-Ch. 35
- 36-Ch. 36
- 37-Ch. 37
- 38-Ch. 38
- 39-Ch. 39
- 40-Ch. 40: Epilogue
- 35
- 36
- 37
A/N: I am SO sorry that this is a day late! I am in the middle of moving house and my internet has been having issues recently, so everything just piled in on top of each other and now I am running late with everything!
Also, this chapter will seem cheesy to some people. I say this mostly because it seems cheesy to me. I do hope you all like it, though! :)

Tea had always made bad situations better, in Harry’s opinion. His memories of the days following the end of the War were of hospital visits and warming his fingers around a cup of tea that had, occasionally, been laced with Firewhisky, depending on who he had been visiting. Watching as the house-elf bustled around, doing Draco's bidding, he couldn’t help the rush of anticipation that rippled through him. He had to put his want of tea down to the nerves he was feeling over the coming conversation, as it seemed that it had been hammered into him that you always have tea when you were facing something unpleasant. This was Molly and Minerva’s influence; he was certain of it. He offered Draco a small smile when he turned and handed him a steaming cup.
“Thanks.”
At least the cup gave him something to do with his hands. Wrapping his fingers around it, he sighed happily. The steam from the chamomile tea wafted up, causing Harry’s eyes to slide closed as he took a deep breath of it. There was something strangely comforting about the scent, as it brought back memories of sitting together in the Weasley family home, snug and warm on Christmas Day. A small smile touched his lips again when his thoughts immediately went to adding Draco to those moments.
“You look happy.”
Slowly reopening his eyes, Harry stared at Draco through the steam of his tea for a few seconds before responding. “I’m going to get you a Weasley jumper this Christmas.” The look of complete shock that crossed Draco's features before he schooled them into an impassive mask had Harry’s smile widening. “A navy blue one with gold lettering, I think.”
“And just what makes you think Molly would be up for doing something like that for you?”
Harry shrugged before taking a small sip of tea. “She loves me and, even though it might not seem like it sometimes, she likes you.” He smiled again when Draco hummed before settling back against the pillows. “Draco?”
“I’m not sure how I feel about being ‘liked’ by a Weasley.”
Watching as Draco snuggled back into the soft pillows, Harry couldn’t help snorting in disbelief. “You get along with most, if not all, of the Weasleys now that they know how serious I am about this relationship lasting. You can even hold a civilised conversation with Hermione.”
“She’s a Granger, not a Weasley.”
“Still…” Harry leant over just far enough to nudge Draco with his shoulder. “You like them.”
“I like you, you dork. They come along with you, so I had no choice.”
They were skirting around the issue at hand and Harry knew it. He found, however, that he was highly reluctant to actually do anything about bringing the subject up again. Following Draco's example, he settled back properly into the pillows behind him and brought his cup up to his lips again.
“You like me.” He liked the sound of that, despite knowing how ridiculous it was.
“I love you.” The deadly serious tone Draco's voice had taken on told Harry that the skirting had come to an abrupt end. “And that is exactly why I am sitting here at almost half five in the morning, willing to spend the next few hours talking through this, if necessary.”
“Okay…” The warm feeling the light teasing they had been doing had caused to spread through Harry didn’t subside, thankfully, but his nerves did begin to sing again as he adjusted his position. “Where do you want to start?”
There was a small pause in which Harry could hear Draco blowing on his tea to cool it. Forcibly unclenching his fingers from around his own cup, he brought it to his lips, but didn’t take a sip. The steam wafted up his face, both warming and soothing him.
“Do you actually trust me? Properly?”
Harry nearly snorted his tea. “Start with an easy one, why don’t you?”
“This should be the easiest thing in the world if you really do.”
Placing his cup down on the bedside, Harry turned to face Draco. He was still sitting back against the pillows, his tea cup held in his hands against his chest. To the casual observer, he would have appeared completely relaxed. To Harry, however, Draco was so tense that he was surprised that he hadn’t developed a second headache. Harry’s fingers flexed with the need to reach out and touch, but he held himself back. Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly. He had actually been thinking over how he could prove to Draco that he trusted him, but he wasn’t entirely certain that Draco would accept what he had come up with as proof.
“Marcus Flint.”
“Excuse me?” Draco's eyes flicked over to Harry and his brow creased in obvious confusion.
“Marcus Flint,” Harry repeated. “You asked me once who the only other man I have ever been with was. I can’t be absolutely certain – because I was completely shitfaced that night – but I think it might have been Marcus Flint. The only memories I have of that night is his deep voice in my ear and really rough hands gripping my hips. I woke up in the morning so sore I thought I would need a Healer. He, whoever he was, was long gone by that time, but there is something in my mind telling me that it was Marcus.”
Silence followed this statement. It stretched long enough that Harry began to worry that he had actually managed to piss Draco off more than anything else.
“Why are you telling me this now?”
Harry shrugged. “That is a secret I have kept for twenty years. The others – Ron, Hermione and the rest of the family – all know that I was with someone that night. Some of them know it was a random man and the rest assume that it was Ginny.” Harry couldn’t help smiling when Draco's top lip curled. “You are the only one I have ever told that I’m fairly certain I know who it was. I know it might not seem like much at this stage, but it isn’t the only thing…”
Taking a deep breath, Harry began to speak. He started with his childhood and everything Dudley and his Aunt and Uncle had put him through. Draco, of course, already knew the things that Harry had told everyone else about life with the Dursleys, but this was different. The true extent of their abuse was known only to themselves and Harry. Now, Harry was prepared to make Draco privy to everything he had gone through, up to and including finding the small scar that rested in his hairline and explaining how Dudley had thrown one of the broken pieces of one of his gaming console controllers straight at Harry’s head when it had shattered against the wall after being thrown in a fit of temper. Harry had to pause here when Draco held a hand up.
“He did what?”
“He broke the controller by throwing it against the wall when he lost the game one too many times. He then threw one of the larger pieces at me.”
“Where?” Draco's voice was low. “Harry…”
Harry had to smile a little when he didn’t move fast enough to show Draco the tiny, faded scar and got himself admonished for his tardiness. Bending his head, he ran his fingers along the right-hand side of his hairline, searching for the small bump that was the last reminder of the incident. A bright light being shone directly at him told him that Draco had retrieved his wand from the bedside to see the scar better. Draco's fingers were soft when they brushed against the spot after Harry finally found it again.
“Why haven’t I seen this before?”
Harry shrugged. “It’s tiny and unnoticeable compared to the rest of my scars?”
“I have studied nearly inch of you in minute detail over the past ten months, Harry. I thought I knew everything there was to you.”
There was a strange tone to Draco's voice, but Harry knew that he wouldn’t be able to work out just what it was. Raising his head so he could meet Draco's eyes, he smiled.
“You will now.”
Once he had exhausted the Dursleys, he moved on to fears he had had during the War: of never seeing his friends and family again; of not making it through himself; of letting everyone down and allowing Voldemort to win. He confessed that Draco not identifying him in the Manor over Easter had given him a much-needed shot of hope that probably kept him going long enough to help him move on to the next part of their plan, so to speak. He also confessed to the desperation that had pushed him towards Ginny during the Battle of Hogwarts, giving it as the reason he had been drawn to her so strongly.
By the time Harry had run through what he could tell Draco of his time with the Aurors, his voice was beginning to become croaky. He pushed on, however, needing to finish what he had started. It was obvious that Draco was at least interested in what he was hearing, although whether that was because it offered some insight into Harry’s mindset that he hadn’t had before, or because it was juicy gossip, Harry couldn’t be sure. Adjusting his position against the pillows, he sighed when he glanced over to the clock sitting on his bedside. He had been speaking for nearly forty-five minutes.
“Harry?”
Harry held a hand up to silence Draco's question. “I know that this is the strangest way of showing you how much I trust you, but there’s one more thing you need to know.” He waited until Draco nodded before speaking again. “I have faced down each and every one of these things, these fears in some cases, but it all pales in the face of what I have nearly done to this relationship. Losing this – losing you – terrifies me, Draco. I… I don’t know whether me telling you all of this has had any kind of effect on the decision I know you need to make about me and us, but you need to know that you are the only person in this world who I have trusted with this kind of information. Ron and Hermione don’t know any of it and I certainly didn’t tell Ginny anything about any of this. I’m unsure exactly why I feel this way, but I know that you won’t judge me based off anything I’ve told you.” Harry paused long enough to run a hand through his hair. “I know of no other way of proving to you that I trust you completely, but if this isn’t enough…”
Harry trailed off, unable to finish the thought. Staring down into his lap, he concentrated on keeping his breathing steady as his heart began to race. It was so frustrating, not knowing exactly what Draco had been thinking as he had been telling him all of his deepest-held secrets, but all Harry could do was hope that it was enough. If Draco didn’t believe him after all of this, then he was absolutely lost as to what he could do, especially considering Draco apparently thought that using his Legilimency skills on him was some kind of a violation. He jumped violently when Draco cleared his throat.
“Harry?”
“Yeah?” Harry couldn’t help closing his eyes and holding his breath in anticipation of what Draco was about to say.
“Would you object strongly to me murdering your Aunt, Uncle and Cousin?”
Harry’s breath rushed out of hm. “Excuse me?”
“How about Flint? Or some of the Death Eaters in Azkaban?”
“I, er…”
Turning his head so he could see Draco properly, Harry had to smile. It was always fascinating to him to see Draco with all of his defences down, and he had a feeling that this time, Draco had done it on purpose. His tea cup sat abandoned on the bedside – which Harry considered a good thing, as his hands were clenched into tight fists – and his lips were compressed into a thin line.
“I’d rather not have to deal with negotiating conjugal visits to Azkaban, if you don’t mind.” The tight smile he received in response seemed to come from a combination of anger and something Harry couldn’t quite identify. “Draco?”
“I…” Draco huffed out a breath and ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up a bit. “I understand why you told me all of this. And certain of your reactions to both me and my actions do make a lot more sense now that I know more about what you’ve seen and done. There’s really no denying that everything you’ve been through has influenced the way you interact with the world, either.”
Harry could feel his heart sinking with every word Draco uttered. There was a ‘but’ coming, he knew it, and his fear was that the sentence following said ‘but’ would be Draco explaining, very politely, how he couldn’t get past the idea that Harry didn’t trust him. Harry would then have to explain to each of the children why he was waking them at half six in the morning the day before the wedding and moving them and as much of their stuff as they could manage to carry back to Grimmauld. He was unsure which prospect was more terrifying: losing Draco over something like this, or having to explain the situation to Lily. Taking a deep breath and clenching his hands in his lap, he braced himself for what he suspected was coming.
“But?”
“But…” Draco sighed. “There are a lot of things we have to work through for this marriage to work out. I actually agree with you that we have moved too fast in this relationship and that that has caused us to skip important markers that we really should have hit. I think it was only, what, four weeks in that I first met Lily? And that was before Ginevra began showing her craziness to the world, so really, you should have asked her whether it was alright with her if you introduced me to her daughter. I had a similar conversation with Tori about Scorpius and whether she minded you meeting him so soon. Not that we really had a choice in the end, as I believe the first time you met him properly was in the hospital that day right after my injury.
“It was the same with when we both met – or re-met – each other’s parents, so to speak. I’m fairly certain my parents hadn’t shown their faces in public in London for many years before they came over the day after I was injured. And I certainly hadn’t seen anything Weasley-related except for Granger, Ronald and Percy at the Ministry when I had occasion to go.
“And it isn’t even just obvious things like that. I know for a fact that I have communication issues. Tori has always told me that I store things up until I just explode one day. I know that it isn’t exactly a healthy way of dealing with things, but that’s just the way I have always been. You aren’t really all that much better when it comes to communication, by the way. I’m fairly certain that you don’t even have a ‘flight’ response; when it comes right down to it, it’s always ‘see things my way or I’ll thump you’. Just…”
Draco sighed and slid down into the bed, his hands coming up to cover his face. Harry sat and blinked at him for a few seconds, trying to process everything he had just heard. The words had been flowing out of Draco so quickly that he was afraid that he had slightly missed the point of it all, but, from what he could gather, Draco may very well be saying that, despite all their problems, everything had a chance of working out. He certainly hadn’t said anything about not believing whether Harry trusted him or not and it didn’t seem as though he was planning on finishing his thoughts with ‘oh, by the way, I’m dumping you. Get the fuck out.’ Where Harry seemed to be stuck now was between actually asking Draco whether he believed now that he trusted him and just allowing things to flow on naturally. He knew that the other problems Draco had brought up could be worked on; what he needed now was a reaction to the idea that they might or might not marry the next day. Taking a deep breath, he propped himself up on his elbow beside Draco and traced his fingertips lightly across the backs of Draco's hands. When he received a small huff of a laugh in response, Harry wrapped his fingers around one of Draco's wrists and tugged gently.
“Draco?”
“How did we manage to do this to ourselves, Harry?”
In the light now filtering in from the windows, Harry could see the dark bags that had formed beneath Draco's eyes. Moving on instinct again, he brushed the back of one of his fingers over Draco's cheekbone, trailing it up and around to the shell of his ear. The move ended with the palm of Harry’s hand pressed lightly against Draco's left cheekbone. He smiled when Draco's eyes fluttered closed and he pushed into the touch.
“I love you, Dray.”
Draco smiled, but his eyes stayed closed. “I know.”
“Basing an entire relationship around love alone and just hoping that the practical parts would fall in line after that probably wasn’t the best idea either of us have ever had.”
Draco's eyes opened so he could shoot Harry a lascivious grin. “Does basing it off love and brilliant sex count?”
All Harry really had time to do before being pulled down into a heated kiss was grin. He could feel his muscles relaxing slowly as relief spread through him. It seemed that his instincts, this time, had been correct, if the enthusiasm that Draco was kissing him with was any indication. It was only a few seconds before Harry had to pull back and gulp a lungful of air.
“Dray…”
“We can work on this.”
“We can.”
“Marriage won’t fix a single thing, though.”
“I know. But if you’re willing to work with me, then I’m sure we can reach a compromise on most things. And the things we can’t compromise on, well…”
“We’ll work on.”
Harry nodded. “We will.”
“Alright, then…” Draco paused long enough to take what sounded like a steadying breath. “This won’t be easy.”
“No, it won’t.” The sensation of Draco's fingers trailing softly up his back caused goosebumps to rise all along Harry’s arms. “Do you want easy? Because we have the option of postponing the wedding.”
A combination of nerves and desire fluttered through Harry’s stomach when Draco's eyes locked on his. He really didn’t want to postpone anything, but if that was what was best for Draco, then that was what they would do.
“No, I…” Taking a deep breath, Draco let it out in a forceful rush. Harry could almost pinpoint the second he came to the decision. “No. I don’t want to postpone the wedding. These problems, they’re all things we can work on. It may not be the smartest thing I’ve ever done, but I want to marry you and I don’t want to delay it.”
Harry couldn’t help grinning. “Marrying me is stupid?”
“You know what I mean.”
Before Harry could respond again, Draco pulled him down into another harsh kiss. Relaxing into it, he allowed himself to be rolled over so that Draco was hovering over him on his elbows.
“We’re good?”
Draco nodded decisively. “We’re good. And we now have children to face and deal punishments out to.” He laughed when Harry groaned. “Together.”
Harry couldn’t help the small sigh he let out. “Together.”
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The Optimal Balance