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A World Not Fit To Live In	By : snowblind12 & Lissa Category: Harry Potter > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 78134 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: These characters and the Harry Potter world belong to J K Rowling and her publishers. I make nothing from this story and I own none of it. It is based off the work of JK Rowling.

Chapter List
- 35
- 36
- 37
AN: Lissa and I loved reading all the comments and reviews after the last chapter. Please continue to share what you are thinking. It means so much to us. Hope you enjoy this chapter!!!

Chapter Thirty-Six
BETA love – RaynePhoenix2
Hermione awoke happily cocooned in Lucius’ arms. The prior day had started with their disagreement at breakfast but had ended gloriously lost in each other bodies. She tangled her fingers through his silky white-blond locks as she silently prayed that Draco would continue to linger in his state of unconsciousness. Perhaps Lucius would have him moved to St Mungo’s. The thought that she might not have to marry the sadist made her feel heady.
“What has you stirring so early, pet?” Lucius asked groggily.
“Ahh, he speaks! You were not very loquacious when you came to bed last night,” she teased. “As a matter of fact, you didn’t say one word. You just tickled me and tormented me into submission.”
Lucius grinned playfully as he snaked an arm around her waist and flipped her to her other side before pulling her back so that she was spooned into his chest.
“You know, it’s very rude to just manhandle me like that! It could get you into all sorts of trouble.” She peeked back over her shoulder to find he had one eye open. “You realize I’m not wearing my collar and you could find yourself punished for your bad manners.”
He pulled her tighter and kissed the top of her head. “Hmm, do tell. What sort of punishment shall my offense of snuggling the victim warrant?”
“Don’t forget your feather assault.”
“Ah yes, a brutal attack indeed.”
“It was! Tickling is actually a form of torture you realize.”
“Hmm, I shall notify the Dark Lord at once. I’m sure he’ll want to add it to his repertoire.”
Hermione was about to tease some more when Lucius ended their banter with serious words.
“The special mind healers I contacted a couple weeks ago arrived yesterday. It was a stroke of luck as I had forgotten they were coming.” Lucius could feel her tense in his arms and planted a tender kiss to her temple.
“I assume they assessed him. What did they say?”
“He was cursed. They say it’s a curse that causes one to switch their loyalties and affections. To love who was hated and hate who was loved. The intensity of the emotion corresponds directly to the original…feeling."
There was a moment of silence as Lucius gave her a chance to absorb what he had just said.
Hermione didn’t think it made sense. Draco had always hated her, and it hadn’t ever changed. Before she could point out this contradiction, he continued.
“I gave it some thought and it makes sense. Just look at how he turned on Jupiter and Mony. Then there is Pansy who, while he was never in love with her, he always treated her with respect. He has refused to acknowledge his mother’s portrait whereas he used to be very protective of her when she was alive.” He rubbed his eyes. “I realize that you are the anomaly. We won’t know for sure until he wakes up.”
“Hmm, I do agree that he has changed towards Pansy. At school it was obvious she was in love with him, but I never saw him be ugly or condescending to her. Of course, I didn’t pay a lot of attention, but in classes he seemed to respect her and treat her kindly.”
Hermione shook her head. “What about Theo and Blaise? Shouldn’t he have not liked them according to the curse?”
Lucius had pondered this as well. “I think Draco was only close to Greg and Vince. Theo and Blaise were in Draco’s circle, but he never really brought them around the Manor much. I’m not sure how he really regarded them.”
Lucius rolled onto his back and Hermione moved onto her side so that she was facing him again. She snuggled up close and threaded her fingers through his random chest hairs.
“So, he’s in a coma because of the curse?” she asked gently.
“No, he is in a coma because his self-Occlumency cracked while he was beating you yesterday and he couldn’t handle it. At least, that is what the healers think.” After a pause he added. “He was self-Occluding to protect himself from his cursed behavior.”
Hermione pushed herself up so that she was looking down at him. “You told the healers he was hurting me?”
Lucius met her eyes with honest conviction. “I told them everything. They will need all the pieces if they are going to put my boy back together again.”
It was four days later when Draco finally began to stir. He wasn’t awake, but he had moved during the night and the healers had heard him mumbling in his sleep. They were very optimistic he would wake soon.
Hermione had no appetite and moved the eggs around on her plate as dread slowly eased into the pit of her stomach. The past five days had been bliss. With Abraxas’ portrait burned and Ediva mainly hanging out in the Lady’s Parlor, Lucius and Hermione had been free to be themselves. With Draco in a coma, she had enjoyed five wonderful days without having his grubby hands on her body or his hateful spite in her ears.
She and her mother had taken advantage of their free reign of the house and spent time exploring the massive dwelling. They also spent part of each day at her father’s gravesite where they laughed and cried through memory after memory. Her collar had become a thing of the past and she had been diligently practicing gaining control of her wandless magic again. She was just getting the hang of the new feel of it and was now able to harness the baby’s magic and add it to her own.
Now all of that would stop, however. Draco would wake any minute and the stupid bond would have him immediately on her and he would be back to his sadistic behavior. Her life would be hell all over again. She simply held little confidence in what the healers were claiming.
Hermione felt eyes on her and peeked across the table into the knowing gaze of her mother. When she felt another pull, it was to find the mediwitch, Rose, watching her with what seemed like understanding as well. Hermione offered them both a small shrug in response as Lucius and Etan chatted amongst themselves and were oblivious to her discomfort.
Hermione didn’t blame Lucius. How could she? His son was recovering. She could not fault him for being happy and having hope. It was a hope that she wished she shared.
She would endure whatever was coming her way. She had no choice, after all. Maybe the healers were right and Draco’s brutality towards her would lessen. Rose had spoken to her about it at length the day before. She had asked Hermione if there was a chance Draco had harbored feelings for her in the past that she was unaware of. Hermione had vehemently denied that possibility. It was ludicrous.
Hermione liked Rose. They had developed a bit of a friendship over the course of the past few days. While the mediwitch was older by almost fifteen years, they had found they had much in common; a desire to learn and a profound love of Runes, Arithmancy and reading. Rose talked of the many Wizarding libraries she had visited all over the world in her travels – and a few amazing Muggle ones as well.
The most interesting thing about the witch, in Hermione’s opinion, was her education. Rose had attended an exclusive wizarding school in the Netherlands that Hermione had never even heard of. It was for children who knew they wanted to be healers and they had to pass certain aptitude tests before they could even be considered for admission. All their studies were designed around healing. History class was about the evolution of wizarding medicine. Potions class was focused on elixirs that treated symptoms and cured ailments. Even more impressive, when she graduated, she not only took her healing specific NEWTS but had already been apprenticing under Etan for over a year. They had fallen in love almost instantly. It was a life Hermione tried not to envy. Jealousy was an ugly emotion, but it was hard to contain sometimes.
One of the best parts of the past week had easily been when Etan and Rose pulled out the Magic Carpet that the Arabian sheikh had gifted them after they cured two of his wives. Despite her fear of heights, Hermione had enjoyed the adventure. She had been reluctant at first, but after a couple minutes she found herself relaxing into Lucius’ arms and enjoying the breeze on her face as the carpet flew all over the Malfoy Estate. The day flying had held magnificent views but the night flying under the stars had become her favorite. She had been hoping Harry could be disguised or Polyjuiced so that he could come visit and go for a ride as well. He would have loved it.
Now that Draco would be waking soon, however, Hermione realized the fun times were behind her. Her reprieve was over.
Her thoughts were interrupted when the Headmaster walked in with Ginny in tow. Lucius and Etan stood and greeted Severus.
“Did you bring the potion?” Etan asked.
Snape nodded. “Yes, the minute he wakes we will give it to him. It will be unbearable for him otherwise.”
Hermione wondered what they were talking about and it was Rose who walked around and sat beside her to explain as the men left the room.
“It’s an antidote to the bonding potion. So that Draco won’t be in torture when he wakes.”
Hermione rolled her eyes. Lord forbid DDD have a moment of discomfort.
Ginny smiled conspiratorially at Hermione, fully comprehending what the witch was thinking.
Rose looked towards the door the men had just exited. “I need to help Etan. The last eater is to be removed this morning and it will be easier if the boy doesn’t wake until after that deed is done.”
Hermione smiled at Rose as she took her leave.
It was Jane Granger who stood to leave next. “I find I am tired this morning. Barnaby was very kind and brought me a couple John Grisham novels to get lost in and I stayed up much too late reading. Please excuse me for a bit.”
Hermione gave Ginny a sad smile when it was down to just the two of them. “Wanna sit outside?” Hermione asked.
Ginny nodded her agreement and the two young witches walked arm in arm down the hall and stepped outside onto the veranda the elves had set up for Hermione’s enjoyment. Cushioned chairs and lounges were sheltered from the summer sun by overhead lattice that had vines of lilac weaving throughout the pattern.
“Wow, it’s really nice out here,” Ginny said as she looked around at the copious rose bushes bordering the slate patio.
Hermione would have agreed with Ginny the day before, but today she saw it for what it was; an extension of her prison disguised as something beautiful. She sat down on one of the lounges and lay back on it without responding.
Hermione’s eyes suddenly brightened when she looked at Ginny and asked, “How is our friend? Is he doing well?”
Ginny smiled. “Our friend is doing well and said to tell you he would see you soon.”
It had been decided that Harry’s name would not be said outside of headquarters. There were too many risks that someone would overhear and the secret that he was alive would be discovered.
Hermione responded despondently. “I doubt that will happen. Now that dickfuck is waking up, I won’t be allowed out of his presence except during the work day and who knows when, or if, he’ll be well enough to even return to work.”
Ginny sighed quietly. “I feel guilty that my circumstances have been so much better than your own. I hate what you have to endure. Severus doesn’t tell me much, but I can tell it bothers him. Sometimes when he gets home from the Manor he just sits in front of the fire and stares. And trying to get him to open up and talk is like trying to get a dragon to play dress up at a tea party.”
Hermione laughed despite herself. “Don’t feel bad for me Ginny. I’m happy you are in a good place and with a good man. If I had ended up with Severus, I highly doubt the outcome would be nearly so palatable. Hogwarts might have burned down by now.” She stared up at the lavender blooms and sighed heavily. “In truth, if it wasn’t for Draco, I would be in the same situation as you. I love Lucius and he loves me.”
Ginny continued to contemplate her friend. “Still, you never did tell me what happened to you, ‘Mione. You never said where you were those six weeks before you were given to the Malfoys.”
Hermione looked away.
“Don’t you think it would be good to talk about it? Has Lucius asked you about it?”
Hermione glanced back at her friend and then answered, “No. He’s never asked. I think he doesn’t want to know. I think he feels enough guilt over what I have to endure now. He knows I came to him a virgin, so I wasn’t raped, but there are many types of sexual assault and not all of them involve sex. It’s best he doesn’t know.”
“This is not about what’s best for Lucius Malfoy, Hermione. It’s about what is best for you! Talking things through can be cleansing. I’m here if you want to talk, okay?”
“Thank you, Ginny. Maybe in a little bit. Wanna play cards?”
Lucius, Etan and Severus turned to the door when Rose entered. “How is he?”
she asked.
“Still unconscious,” answered Etan.
“And the last eater?”
“I just removed it. All six are accounted for and in the container.”
Rose nodded and walked over to the table beside the bed. She picked up the container and carried it to the fireplace and lifted the lid. A look of disgust clouded her face as a foul odor assaulted her nose. The parasites were sluggish and twice as large as they had been before they were inserted. She flicked her wrist and tossed the eaters into the raging hearth. There was a hiss and sizzle as they began to burn. Wisps of black smoke and rivulets of a dark tar like substance erupted from the dying larvae.
“She hates me, Mother.”
“What are you talking about, Draco? How could anyone hate you?”
“I called her a Mudblood.”
“Well, that wasn’t very nice. Why do you like this Muggleborn girl anyway? Your father will never approve of any sort of friendship with her. Best to maintain your distance. However, there is no need to be cruel. Don’t let me hear about you calling anyone names again.”
He felt like he was spinning. Voices. Was that his father? He sounds upset. He sounds worried. Don’t worry, Father. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.
More spinning and flashes of light. Oh, I remember that night.
“Pansy, I’m not staring! She looks like a pixie next to that oaf she’s dancing with is all. Can’t they see how ridiculous they look together?”
“Draco, let’s go! We can sit in the alcove outside of Slytherin and I’ll let you feel under my blouse again.”
“In a minute, Pans.” Where is she? Ah, there she is. Why does she look upset? What did that Weaslebee say to her? He’s such a prick. Why does she spend all her time with such tossers?
Who is that strange voice? Stop touching my face.
“Look, he moved again.”
Was that Godfather’s voice?
“He should be waking soon.”
Who is that talking? It doesn’t matter. I need to find… oh wait! No! I need to protect.
“It’s important Theo, okay? Just make sure the Mudblood stays away from the Room of Requirement tonight. Some stuff is going down and where she goes, her dorky friends follow. Keep them away so they don’t cause everything to go tits up.”
“Sure, Drake. Whatever you need.”
All this spinning, I’m starting to feel sick.
“Open your eyes.”
Father again. No, I don’t want to. Father doesn’t understand. He won’t help. I remember…
“Well, Draco? Is it? Is it Harry Potter?” **
(Oh, Merlin. I can’t do this. They’ll kill him and Fenrir will rip her to shreds.)
“I can’t – I can’t be sure.” **
“Draco, if we are the ones to hand Potter over to the Dark Lord, everything will be forgiven.” **
(Yes, Father. I know that!)
“I don’t know.” **
(I need to walk away. I can’t do this. I’ll stand by Mother.)
“Wait…look Draco, isn’t it the Granger girl?” **
(Dammit, Mother! Why did you have to recognize her! Fuck!)
“Maybe, it could be.” **
(I’ve got to get her out of here.)
No more spinning. Please!
“Draco, please open your eyes.”
Father’s voice. That’s father.
Don’t do it, Draco. Stay asleep. It will be bad if you wake. Stay hidden. You’ve done something horrible. It’s best to just hide.
My heart. It’s pounding. I feel sick. Oh, Merlin. I need... I don’t know what I need. But it’s pulling me. It’s her. I need her. I need her, now!
“Hmmio… come… now…”
Wait, did I say that out loud?
“He spoke! Did you hear that? He said something!”
Father’s voice again. Okay, Father. For you, because I hate to let you down.
Draco’s lids began to flutter as flashes of the past several months met his emerging consciousness. His heart was pounding against his ribcage like an enraged caged animal against its binds. His vision struggled to focus as his eyes met bright and unwelcome light. His breathing was rapid, and his voice was raw from lack of use. As his pupils adjusted, his father’s face came into focus. A face that looked like it had aged a decade. Flashes from seconds before morphed into complete memories.
Oh, Merlin. What have I done?! “Fuck!” he bellowed.
“What was that?” asked Ginny.
Hermione put her cards down and looked back through the French doors. “I don’t know. It sounded like a yell.”
They both stayed silent and could hear the distant murmur of frantic voices.
Hermione’s hand moved to her mouth as tears clouded her vision. The pull. It was back. A sense of urgency had her standing immediately. She looked from Ginny to the door and started to move. “No! God, no!” she cried as her legs carried her into the house leaving Ginny behind.
She knew this would happen. He would wake and immediately demand that she come to him. Although she didn’t hear him call her, obviously he must have because her heart was racing with its need to satisfy the command and her feet couldn’t move fast enough.
“Quickly, give him the potion,” Severus demanded.
Lucius took it and attempted to cradle Draco’s head, but it was thrashing from side to side as tears rolled out of the boy’s eyes and trailed down his temples onto the bed linens. “Draco! You must drink this! It will sever the bond.”
Draco looked back at his father, his expression delirious. “I need her. NOW!” He tried to push himself up, but his arms trembled from the strain, and it was obvious he was disoriented.
“Draco, drink this and you will instantly feel better.”
“Just pour it into his mouth,” Rose suggested.
Severus pinched Draco’s nose and the minute he opened his mouth to draw in air, Lucius poured a few drops of the antidote onto his tongue. Draco’s grip was weak as a kitten when it grasped Severus’ wrist to pull it away fruitlessly.
“Draco, drink!” Lucius demanded once more.
Draco’s eyes were wide but a flash of something like recognition came over them and after a pause he opened his lips and allowed Lucius to pour the potion into his mouth.
The room was dead silent as everyone waited for Draco to comprehend what was going on around him.
Hermione had just made it to the top of the stairs when the pull abruptly stopped. Her heart slowed and her panic ebbed. She froze and stared towards Draco’s room as her mind spun with the possibilities. Was he dead? Did he drink the potion?
She contemplated going back down the steps but instead continued to slowly approach the bedroom suite. She could hear soft mumbling and then a voice that was congested with tears. Lucius’ voice. “Draco, son. It’s going to be alright.”
The minute Hermione peaked into the bedroom, Draco’s eyes flew to hers. Panic was written on his face and when he saw the look of revulsion in her eyes, his new reality assaulted him like ice in his veins. A swell of nausea overwhelmed him, and his hand flew to his mouth as the muffled words escaped from his lips. “No, no. It’s never going to be alright.” He started to stand, not taking his eyes off of her, but his weak legs gave out from under him and he watched in devastation as she turned and ran away.
“Don’t try to stand, you are too weak,” Lucius gently instructed.
Draco didn’t resist. He was stunned. Numb. This had to be a nightmare.
“Is he awake?” the voice of Narcissa could be heard from her portrait in the corner.
“Yes, yes,” Lucius responded as he and Severus assisted Draco back into bed.
The sound of her voice caused his head to whip around. Mummy. “Is that...is that Mother?”
Lucius looked at Severus and then back at Draco. “Draco, you’ve had a shock. Just calm for a minute and we can talk.”
Draco closed his eyes and rested his head on the pillow as it all continued to come back to him. The battle, pushing Hermione out of danger, stunning Harry and then running to his mother. Oh Salazar. I killed her.
“I killed Mother,” he said weakly as his forehead crinkled with anguish and fresh tears fell.
“Rose, a calming draught. Quickly darling,” Etan said in a rushed voice.
Rose grabbed a vial out of the satchel and handed it to her husband promptly.
“Draco, my name is Etan. I’m a healer and you need to drink this.”
Draco remembered. He remembered it all.
Keep calm. Keep calm, Draco chanted to himself. He wanted to rage and yell about the unfairness of it all. The more that came back, the more he hated himself. Why didn’t I just die?
He kept his eyes closed and feigned sleep, but in truth he really wanted a shower. His mouth tasted like something had died in it and he felt like he had a film of funk all over his body. Besides, he needed to think. He needed to be away from all these prying eyes.
His lids still closed, he quietly said, “I can feel you all staring. I know I’m handsome, but please…”
“Ah, my Godson is back to his usual charming self. I shall return to the castle.”
Draco could hear his father escort Severus to the door. The sound of clanking glass vials and then a zipper being pulled was not enough to make him open his eyes.
“Lucius, Rose and I shall be in our room. He will need to be watched. Here is another vial of calming draught. Come get us if you need our assistance.”
Draco swallowed the unwelcome lump in his throat when he heard his father become slightly choked up as he thanked the healer and whoever Rose was.
“I can’t thank you enough, Etan. Rose.” The sound of shaking hands. “You saved my son.”
Their response was whispered as Lucius walked them out and therefore was indecipherable.
“Alright, Draco. Everyone has left.”
Draco opened one eye and once again was disturbed by how tired his father looked. “You look like shit, Father.”
“Well, you look and sound like my son. Do you want to sit up?”
“I want a shower and a toothbrush.”
“Yes, I’m sure you would. I’ll help you.”
When Draco made it to the point of sitting on the side of the bed, he glanced across the room and spotted the flimsy cot he had forced Hermione to sleep on. As his eyes moved about the room he was assaulted with memory after memory of his hand, his belt, and even his fist hitting her…beating her... raping her. Visions of the girl crawling on the floor, his floor, made him sick to his stomach. He closed his eyes to make it stop, only it didn’t work. His hands grasped his head in anguish as he remembered that first night. He had been so cruel and so rough. He had mocked her and belittled her. And she had been a virgin! Then he remembered the mirror and a splash of bile made it up and burned the back of his throat. The pensieve memories!
“I’m going to be…” Before he could finish his sentence, he began to dry heave.
He felt Lucius grab his shoulders but the ringing in his ears prevented him hearing his father’s words. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shoved the offered handkerchief away. The images kept coming…
Bending her over the dining room table while pulling her hair.
Banging her head against his bedside table, causing her to bleed.
The horse bit in the barn and her naked body on display in front of Theo and Blaise.
Kicking Jupiter.
Punching her in the pool room, almost drowning her.
Beating her with the belt and then hitting the house elf.
Insulting her.
Raping her.
Humiliating her.
Using Pansy in front of her. Oh, Pansy.
Finding her parents. Oh Salazar. NO!
Beating her Mother.
Beating his Mother.
Killing his mother.
Lucius was not a crier, but when his son fell to the floor before him and started sobbing, it was all he could do to keep himself together.
He dropped to his knees and took his boy’s face in his hands. “Draco...son. Listen to me. It’s not your fault! You were cursed. It’s going to be alright. It’s going to be alright.”
Draco’s vision was blurry through tears as the naïve words left his father’s mouth. “No, Father. It’s not alright. It will never be alright again!”
“Yes. Yes, it will. Come, drink some more potion.” Lucius stood and headed towards the nightstand.
Draco remained sitting on the floor and stared at the wall across from him.
Lucius’ heart broke even more when he looked back and saw the fight had left his son’s eyes. He rushed back and held the vial out. “Here, take this. You need it. It will help.”
“Why? What’s the potion going to do? I killed my mother and I raped and beat the girl I’m in love with.”
Lucius stared for a minute, certain he had misheard. “Draco, what are you talking about? You didn’t kill your mother, the Dark Lord did. You’ve always disliked Miss Granger. You’re confused, son. Let’s get you that shower.”
Draco shook his head. “No, Father. I killed her.” He looked up and into the stunned eyes of the man who would now hate him forever. “I killed Mother.”
Lucius swallowed. “You were cursed, Draco. You were cursed. Come, let’s get you that shower.”
Draco was tired and didn’t have the energy to explain. Besides, a shower would feel good. The minute Lucius led him into his bathroom, however, images once again flooded his brain of Hermione.
Hermione kneeling on the shower floor.
Bathing him.
Being raped by him.
Assaulted by him.
Draco turned away. “Not in here. I can’t be in here. Not again. Not ever.”
Lucius nodded his head. “Fine, across the hall. You can use the suite across the hall.”
Draco leaned his forehead against the tile as the water pounded his skin. He watched the rivulets disappear into the drain and found he was jealous. If only he could be washed away as well.
When he emerged out of the bathroom, it was to find the elves had already transferred his things from his old suite to his new. They had even moved the furniture so that it was arranged nothing like his prior room. He noticed his father sitting by the blazoning hearth and there was a refreshment tray on the table. He slipped into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt and made his way cautiously over.
Neither said anything for a moment until Lucius broke the silence. “You must be starving. The nutrition charms the healers used do nothing to combat physical hunger.”
“I don’t think I can eat,” he responded simply as he sat on the sofa.
“Some tea perhaps then.”
Draco shrugged noncommittally as he watched his father prepare him a cup. Not wishing to be rude, he took the offering and proceeded to take a sip as his father warily watched him. It tasted good. Really good. He took another swallow and settled back into the cushions as he stared into the fire.
After a few minutes he felt like he could speak. “I’m so sorry, Father.”
“You have nothing for which to apologize, Draco. If anyone here has reason to be sorry, it’s me.” He watched Draco for a minute before adding, “We need to talk, but it does not have to be now if you aren’t ready.”
Draco shook his head minutely. “No, now is as good as any. Time won’t change the past and it won’t make it any easier.”
“Why don’t you tell me what you remember.”
“My last vivid memory is the battle at Hogwarts. I remember being worried about my friends. I remember,” he swallowed and closed his eyes briefly, “I remember Vince dying in the Fiendfyre.”
“Fiendfyre?”
“In the Room of Requirement.” He blew out a puff of air. “Why that stupid bastard thought it would be smart to conjure it, I have no idea. But it ended up killing him. Greg and I would have perished as well if Potter, Weasley, and Hermione hadn’t saved us.”
Lucius wanted to know more, but in the grand scheme of things, they could talk about that another time. “What happened next?”
Draco shot a nervous glance towards his dad before hesitantly answering, “I uh, I shadowed the trio.”
“Why did you do that?” he asked curiously.
Draco looked up at his Father apologetically, “I didn’t want him to win, Father. I’m sorry to let you down. I just can’t support…that creature.” He set down his cup and stared into the hearth. “After what he put us through; after living here and turning our lives upside down. After telling me that if I didn’t kill Dumbledore yours and mother’s lives would be forfeit”.
He propped his elbows on his knees and steepled his hands before rubbing his eyes tiredly.
His voice was pained “After forcing me to … I just didn’t - want - him - to win!” He ran his hands through his hair and then sat straight up. “I wanted Potter to defeat him as was prophesized. I wanted the nightmare to end!”
Draco turned to his father expecting to see disappointment and was shocked to find understanding instead, maybe even pride. He felt emboldened to continue. “I followed them to protect them, Father. To help Potter and to…” he swallowed, “…keep her safe.”
Lucius’ mind was spinning as the pieces started coming together. After a moment heartfelt words left his mouth. “I’m proud of you, Draco. I’ve never been prouder.” He saw the confusion on his son’s face as well as the shock and a huge wash of guilt slammed into him as he realized how foreign the words must have sounded. He was certain he had never said them to Draco before and it pained him to realize it.
“You came to the truth and accepted it long before I did. Not only did you accept it, you tried to do something about it. You tried to help. I’m only sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m ashamed to admit that, had you come to me, I would have been too afraid to turn against him. I would have tried to stop you.”
Draco was silent. He just admitted to opposing the Dark Lord and his father was proud of him? He began to wonder if he was still dreaming.
“What happened next?”
Draco picked up a lemon cookie as he responded, “I stayed in the shadows while the cease fire was happening.”
Lucius nodded. “Cissa and I were desperate to find you, son. We had come across Severus who was on death’s door, so I stayed with him while Cissa went in search of you. I didn’t see your mother again until the cease fire when he summoned all of us into the forest. When you didn’t come, we were frantic.”
Draco nibbled on the cookie. “When I saw both of you following behind Voldemort and his procession down to the castle courtyard, I was so relieved you were alive, but I thought it was all lost when Hagrid was carrying Potter’s body.”
“Yes, we were thrilled to see you.” He smiled lightly. “Cissa grabbed my hand and squeezed so hard I thought she would break it. I thought the battle was over and we would be going home soon. Cissa, though. She knew Potter was alive. She was the one who lied to the Dark Lord.” Lucius laughed without humor. “She was brave, like you.”
Draco couldn’t control the tears that welled in his eyes and quickly swiped them away. “I thought I was imagining it when I saw a small rise in Harry’s chest and could see he was still breathing. So, when you and Mother beckoned me to join you… that’s why I stayed on the other side of the courtyard.”
Lucius laughed without humor. “I was angry. I didn’t understand.”
“Then, when Potter revealed himself to be alive, and Longbottom swung at the snake and missed, all hell broke loose. We were all shuffled back into the castle as the curses started flying all around us. I just wanted to stick to my plan; help Harry and keep Granger from doing anything stupid like getting herself killed.” He shook his head. “Only debris was falling all around me and I was separated from them. By the time I broke through it, Weasley was dead and Harry was a blubbering mess. I couldn’t see Hermione, so I ran over to him and told him to keep fighting, you know? I risked too much for him to give up. He was the fucking Chosen One and he needed to do his job.”
Lucius stared at his son, still absorbing the fact that he had opposed the Dark Lord. Everything was going to change now. He listened as Draco continued after a swallow of tea.
“Thankfully, Potter snapped out of it and ran back outside. I followed and hovered behind a fallen giant, blocking curses from hitting him, as well as other Order members, as best I could.”
“Thank Merlin, you weren’t injured or killed.”
Draco grimaced and rolled his eyes, “I could have killed Granger when she ran by me and was heading right between the Dark Lord and Potter. Such a fucking Gryffindor. I knew she would be dead in a flash, so I jumped out and grabbed her arm, flinging her behind me. I was close to Potter, maybe less than ten feet away when I saw the green glow on the end of Voldemort’s wand. The killing curse was coming, so I threw a stunner at Harry to knock him down, praying it would hit him first since I was closer, and the AK had so much further to travel.”
Draco stared into the fire for a moment before continuing. “Everything was happening so fast. A blast hit something behind me and I was thrown to the ground. When I managed to get up,” he let out a heavy sigh, “Harry was dead on the ground.” A look of revulsion crept over his features. “I remember the Dark Lord…he immediately had a creepy, gleeful grin on his face.”
Lucius watched and listened in silence, his happiness and pride warring with the dread of the macabre scene Draco was describing. He realized that Draco wasn’t aware he had actually succeeded and had saved Harry’s Life. He came so very close to telling him. Until he was sure, though - until Lucius was positive the curse was really gone for good, he couldn’t risk sharing that crucial bit of intel. It was not lost on the older Malfoy that both his wife and his son had each saved Harry Potter that day. He had never been more proud to be a Malfoy and more disappointed in himself at the same time.
“I stayed still for a minute and didn’t know which way to go. Death Eaters were Apparating in and grabbing Order members and Disapparating with them before they even knew it was happening. I saw Hermione get up and start crying and as I made my way toward her, Fenrir popped in right between us and grabbed her. She was gone within seconds. I watched you say something to the Dark Lord and then you ran off. Then I saw mother and I noticed the livid look on the Dark Lord’s face as he started making his way towards her. I didn’t know why he was mad at her, but I knew, I just knew he was going to kill her.”
Lucius nodded. “Yes, yes. He had assigned Fenrir, Scabior, and a few others to apprehend Muggleborns and Order members as able and imprison them in the cages back in the forest.” Lucius paused as more of the memory came back to him. “Immediately after Potter fell, “I informed the Dark Lord that I had found Severus and that he was barely alive. I remember he looked really surprised and then he was…happy.” Lucius exhaled. “He said, ‘Alive?’ and then immediately summoned his personal healer, Lockerby, who arrived instantly and followed me to Severus.”
Draco saw his Father’s lips moving but heard little as his mind was lost in what happened next. “I rushed towards Mother and she was shaking. Her eyes were on Voldemort and she tried to shove me behind her, as though to shield me from the monster. But I was there to protect her! He asked her with fury in his voice why she had lied. Why she had said the boy was alive. She was so afraid, Father. She never could Occlude for anything and the lie was written all over her face when she said she had thought Harry was dead.”
Tears were now freely flowing down Draco’s cheeks. “I saw him draw his wand and I moved in front of her, despite her screams for me to get behind her.” Draco swallowed heavily. “He looked at me and seemed to study me for a minute. He said, ‘This won’t do, Draco. This will not do. I have far too many plans for you.’
“I didn’t know what he was talking about but I knew that I wanted nothing to do with him. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I know I begged. I begged him to spare her. He just looked at me and seemed to be contemplating. And then he lifted his wand and I didn’t know who he was going to kill first. I remember I didn’t want to feel anything - physical or emotional - and I immediately let my Occlumency shields come up.”.
Lucius swiped away his own tears as he listened to what had been his wife’s final moments. “But he chose her. He killed Cissa and spared you.”
Draco shook his head minutely. “No. He cursed me.”
Lucius was silent for a minute and then asked breathlessly, “What?”
“He cursed me.”
Lucius’ hand moved up to cover his mouth in his surprise. He had been so sure it was Bellatrix.
“And then I became the monster,” Draco added under his breath. His brows then crunched in bewilderment. “I remember he told me that Mother was a traitor and not worthy of life. He said she needed to be punished. It’s hard to explain. I remember feeling rage towards her and the strongest sense of loyalty towards him.”
Lucius sighed. “Yes, Healer Etan says that is the nature of the curse. To switch your loyalties and your affections. He guessed, and it appears he did so correctly, that you were Occluding when the curse was cast. Because of that, the curse was limited to a certain extent. You were so deeply self-Occluded that your inner most identity was protected and distanced from what you were doing. He explained that there are layers of consciousness and that the curse caused many of them to become compromised and it allowed those layers to feel the emotions that controlled your behavior. At the same time, the real Draco was buried deep and was oblivious.”
Draco shook his head and silent tears coursed down his cheeks. “It doesn’t matter. I killed Mother, Father. I hated her so much.” His head fell into his hands. “And then, then I went on to terrorize and assault and … rape the girl I cared about more than any other in this world.” He wiped the tears with the back of his hand.
Lucius was lost in his recollection of that awful moment. “When I made it back to the Dark Lord it was to find Cissa dead and you standing close. I remember at the time thinking that you were in denial because you seemed so unaffected by him killing her.” Lucius paused. “I couldn’t believe she was dead. I put up my own shields to conceal my emotions. I didn’t know why she had been killed but I knew I needed to act unaffected in order to survive.” He thought for a moment and then looked at his son. “I confess to later thinking it was the Black madness that was consuming you and causing your changed behavior towards the people you used to care about.”
Draco looked up at Lucius. “I was awful to you as well, Father. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t beat yourself up over something you had no control over, Draco.”
“I understand that I had no control, Father, but it doesn’t change that I physically did all of these things. I constantly wanted to outdo you. I was thrilled to have the Dark Lord’s favor. I wanted to win Granger away from you because I knew you enjoyed…being with her.” It was not lost on either man that Draco had an entirely different word in mind.
“When she told me…when I forced her to answer my questions while I was…” Draco’s face became even more pale. “Anyway, when she told me that you were in love with each other… I had no idea. I thought you were just…”
Lucius looked uncomfortable. He’d had no clue about his son’s true affections for the little witch. If he had, who knew? Maybe he would have realized the depths of Draco’s illness. As it were, he was now sitting with his son as they both realized they loved the same witch…
“Draco, I –”

Draco held up his hand to stop his father’s words. After a minute he spoke again. “It’s not your fault that you fell in love with her, Father. She does that, you know? She creeps up on you and buries herself into your heart and then doesn’t leave no matter how many eviction notices you send.”
Lucius chuckled despite himself at the astute comparison.
Draco took a shaky breath. “I was terrible to Pansy. Fuck.” He shook his head. Tears began to well again. “Greg. Greg was killed by that psycho fuck and I didn’t even go to the funeral.” He rubbed his eyes. “Jupiter, Mony…Mother’s portrait.”
“None of this is your fault, Draco,” a soft and familiar voice said.
Both men were startled by the words coming from the portrait over the dresser. Draco was off the sofa and standing before her in a flash as tear muffled cries of apology poured from his lips. “Mother, I’m so sorry.” He grabbed the frame. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I killed you and I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you. I’m…”
“Draco, you did not kill me,” she softly interrupted. “You were merely the instrument that he used.” She smiled warmly as her hand tried to reach for his and could not move past the edge of the painting.
He stared into the loving eyes that were almost as magnificent as the real thing had been.
“I told your father that it wasn’t the Black Madness and that you would be back. I thought it was grief, but I knew you were hiding and that you would eventually come back to us. I never lost faith. None of this is your fault, son. You are my precious, precious boy and you always will be the center of my universe.”
It was hours later when an exhausted Lucius found her. When he had not located her in their room or her mother’s, he had checked the parlor and the library. Too tired to continue the search, he summoned Tinny to help him.
He couldn’t have been more surprised when Tinny Apparated them to the nursery. He peeked through the door to find she was sound asleep in the oversized reading chair. He leaned against the door frame and watched her as many memories flooded him; Memories of his own childhood, tucked into the lap of his mother as she read book after book. Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump. He smiled despite himself. How many times had he made her read that story?
His focus was pulled to the left of the room where he spotted the portrait of the woman herself watching over his girl. Willow looked at him and smiled before lifting her index finger to her lips telling him not to wake her.
He crept into the room to find Draco’s baby quilt draped across her lap and pregnancy and motherhood books scattered around her. Where did she find these? “Baby Magic,” was tucked under “Curse or Charmed, You’re Pregnant. What Now?” The book on her lap, “Dr. Spock’s Guide For Expecting Witches,” slid to the floor with a thud that didn’t even cause her to stir.
He contemplated leaving her but knew she would wake with a terrible crick and a probable back ache if he didn’t get her to bed. He moved to his haunches and slid his hands under her as he whispered softly, “Hermione, love. It’s late.”
She moaned in rebellion as her eyes fluttered open and she offered him a small smile. “Luc…”
“Shh, I’ve got you.” Her hands entwined around his neck as he easily lifted her and made his way down the long hall to the top of the stairs where he made a right and trekked the distance to what had become their suite.
As he entered the bedroom she asked, “Is everything…alright?”
Lucius wanted to cry. He had so much emotion bottled up inside, but he maintained his stoic persona as he responded, “Draco is awake and he has regained his senses. You are safe, Hermione. My son will never hurt you again.”
** Dialogue taken from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
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A World Not Fit To Live In