Torment *Completed* | By : Kvarta Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 31713 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 8 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it. |
A/N: I had nightmarish experience with this chapter, overnight my laptop decided to merge two files - the story for Christmas Fic Exchange 2017 and this chapter (I blame it on the cat, he is genuine gremlin that likes to walk over the keyboard). It took me most of the day to untangle the mess and I managed to delete almost half of what I wrote in the other story and this chapter.
I hope I managed to wrap it up nicely, but I’m still mourning parts that were great and now lost forever :(
To avoid further confusion:
Italic - Past, memories
‘Single quotation mark’ - inner monologue, thoughts
“double quotation mark” - actualspeech
He slipped through the door, not know too many of the staff members and certainly not students. Anything the shortcut to the third floor, using general mayhem as coverage. There is only one person who could release the Troll. How many times he told Albus that there is something fishy about new DADA and ex Muggle Studies professor.
Of course, the old man wouldn’t even give his warning a decency of listening to them till the end, cutting him off, rudely. He often wondered why Old Goat saved him at all? Not like he valued his advice, he did hold him on a very short leash but not restrictive one for sure.
Cutting around the corner he dashed up the stairs, jumping on the platform moments before staircase changed position. He slipped into the room. The beast, no matter how magnificent, that Hagrid so lovingly called Fluffy snarled at him. One head was snapping its jaws, the other licked its snout like he is particularly juicy snack and the third... Quirrell showed up on the door
„Well, well, not so passed out now, are you?“ he hissed at the man
At that same moment, third head soured and grabbed him by the leg. Quirrell runs out and he had to fight the dog off. Casting hex after hex until the beast released him and pulled back, long enough for him to crawl out of the room. The leg is killing him and lends no support whatsoever. He cast a diagnostic spell and growled, grounding his molars against searing pain. Casts few fast healing spells and still dragging his leg slips down the stairs and into the passage to rejoin other members of the staff.
He knew, he just knew that the idiot was after stone! He warned Dumbledore. And now he was forced to drag the remainder of old man’s idiocy to the remaining of his days. Voices approach and he takes one long breath before standing to find them. Minerva and Quirrell.
„Severus, what happened.“
„Exactly what I tried to warn all of you about. Did you find the Troll?“
„No, we are still looking, but students are safe...“ Minerva’s speech was cut by a shrill scream, they hurried in the direction of the sound. When they managed to open the door, jammed with rubble, Troll was on the ground, the bane of his life and its idiot sidekick standing. annoying little girl from their class was sniffling under the half broken sink. He glared at Potter ’Idioti child, same as his father, he just has to play hero.’ He let Minerva taking care of her own and inspects the Troll, no ropes, no chains, no wounds, he didn’t escape he was let out.
Well, this was just another miserable Halloween. All he wanted for tonight was to get drunk till oblivion takes him. He was handling all other days, but this one was his breaking point, year after year. For ten miserably long years.
Returning to his quarters, he checked on his House first, students were excited but not scared. They buzzed about tonight’s going on’s like a swarm of hornets. He left them to talk out their fear and retreated to his room. Summoning the bottle of firewhiskey he poured a lot in himself and bit onto the wound. Burning pain made him hiss...
Hermione jumped from her sofa with a cry. Her own muscle was painfully cramped. What an idiot she was, wasn’t it enough that she had to witness his misery? Now she shared his pain. Lovely.
With the corner of her eye, she noticed that he tried to sit down in his bed and flopped down helplessly.
„I’m sorry for waking you up, professor. It was just a bad dream.“ Her own voice sounded rough and scratchy
„I am well aware of that.“ He grumbled from the bed, sounding annoyed. Was he annoyed that she waked him up or because he couldn’t get up? Probably both.
„Do you need anything, professor?“
„Yes! Stop being so flustered!“ he growled at her, from her seat he was just shimmering trace of silver within the dark mass, she did, however, saw his face in her mind. She was on a verge of tears now, not sure if she’s going to start cry from frustration or sadness first.
„Well, I’m sorry if my nightmare...“
„It is my memory, you menace, and like it is not enough that you are privy to memories I have no inclination sharing with anyone, your constant state of being flustered, robes me from what I little time I can muster to rest. Stop, whining about my life.“ He sounded annoyed
„I am not...flustered.“
„You are an awful liar.“
„How do you know how I feel?“
„Because that is one radio broadcast I cannot switch off. Sadly, delivered directly to my cranium. And if that is not enough, you try to advertise your feelings quite loudly.“
„How? I didn’t say a word to you!“ she jumped and hissed, the muscle was still cramped, she whisked her wand and soft glowing lights forced both of them to wince. She hopped to his bed and sat on the edge, looking at his grimaced face. ’I can't believe he’s...oh, the light.’ She scooted up and raised her arm, creating a shadow. There is no point in arguing with him after all, he was right. She hated that he was right, but that didn’t change the fact that she was flustered and sad and terrified every time after she witnessed some of his memories. ’Gods, doesn't he have just one nice memory?’
He blinked couple of times in the shade she created with her hand, before gazing at her
„What do you want now?“ he asked. He must be mad at her for seeing what she saw.
„I already apologized for what is going on, professor. This was not my intention. And you are free to obliviate all the memories I saw once we sort this out. In fact, I implore you to do so.“ She shivered
„No, Miss Granger.“ His voice was low, she looked at him with surprise „I won’t Obliviate you. You are so dead set on stopping me... so, I will leave you with the knowledge. My gift to you.“
She blinked at him and covered her mouth with both hands. This was not what she....she is certain that he will Obliviate her. So much pain, she does not want to remember. How will she be able to live with even knowing what he’s been through? Oh, he is so cruel.
She glares at him, but his eyes are lost, tightly, crinkling the corners of his eyes. He does not look menacing, or spiteful....he looks tired. She sighs, it’s late, they are both tired.
„Rest now, professor.“ She whispers and turns down the lights. She hops to her bed, bloody cramp is still there.
„Professor...“
„Talking is opposite of resting.“ He grumbles
„I know, I was just wondering...“
„Out with it, Miss Granger, I would like to rest at least a little bit.“
„Is it a leg, the one that cramps often during exercises?“
„I was told that you are labelled as ’the brightest witch of your age’, you tell me.“
„But, that was permanent injury then, professor!“
„Thank you for stating the obvious.“ He dampens „Miss Granger I must congratulate you, you managed the impossible. Yo made me feel annoyed beyond words and bored to tears. Now, if you finished...“
„Just one more thing, professor. Well, two actually...“
„Do try to go all out, Miss Granger.“
„Well, as you know...you know...I can’t go to the pool, but tomorrow we could do some exercises in the room if you are up to it.“
„Fine. And the other?“ he rushed her
„You don’t happen to have the cramp now, don’t you?“
„No, Miss Granger I do not. If that is all.“
„It is, good night, professor.“
~ S ~ S ~ S ~
He sighs inwardly, hoping beyond hope that he will rest at least a bit this night. He hates that memory and feels grateful to the force that sends a cramp into her leg. Grateful, that she did not witness the rest of that night. The first moment when he actually tried and failed. He was drunk enough that night, drunk enough to say ’Screw them all’ and try to alleviate the pain. Unsuccessfully, as it turned out. He spent the rest of the night in the hospital, Poppy hovering over him, Bloody Baron glaring at him from the corner of the room. Tomorrow Albus pretended he doesn't know what happened. He just relieved him of his duties during upcoming holidays and gave him the task of shadowing Potter. He still regretted that he failed that night and all the others.
„Professor...“ quiet voice from the corner of the room, he growls
„What is it now?“
„Were you serious when you told me...you don’t want to Obliviate the memories...?“
„Deadly serious, Miss Granger, and getting more serious about it by the minute.“
„But, why?“
If he could just walk to her and make her shut up, make her stop talking, make her leave him be. She dances on his last nerve.
„Miss Granger, as you could see, I am already damaged enough by the escapades of your merry little band of miscreants, and I do not desire to add to it by you inflicting an injury on my person tomorrow. Go. To. Sleep. And, stop pestering me.“
„Al...Alright. Good night.“
„I’ll believe it when I see it.“ He retorts thusly, can’t she just leave him be?
Time slips away and finally, he hears her calm deep breathing. She finally fell asleep. Blissful solitude. He tries to do the classical meditation breathing and mind clearing exercises. But abandons them after some time, forced to face grim reality...after so many years of maintaining his walls, after so many unwanted memories, he has no ability shut them down now. His memories are like a flood that break through the dam. And now he’s afraid to fell asleep again, asleep and remember. Let her see. No! He has to find the way, a way to rest without sleeping. He has to start using his magic again, but he is weak. So first, he must regain his strength.
Yes, that's it. First – regaining strength. Second – getting hold of his magic and getting rid of her presence in his head. Third – get rid of her permanently.
Stupid little chit. If she has a half of the brain she claims to have, she would get the message. Then again, it’s not the message she wants so she won't process it, she will probably obsess over it and try to find the way to circumvent it. After all, she doesn't care about him, she only seeks salvation for herself. Well, he is done with being a bloody saviour and pariah martyr. They can all go and screw themselves! He is waiting for this for seventeen bloody years! He ponders on idea what will happen if he kills himself while the connection is still active? Would it save sever it? Would it affect her somehow? Would it kill her and left him alive? Neither sounds good.
He didn’t even notice when sleep sneaks up on him and submerge him in absolute darkness.
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