Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Pains and Contradictions	By : padme82 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 54831 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 36
- 37
- 38
My apologies for taking so long to finish this chapter. Illness, a complete lifestyle change, holidays and a brand new job all tried their best to keep me from finishing this chapter. Six months is an awful long time to go without an update, but this chapter was the most difficult thing I've ever written. Action is not my forte, but I hope I did the battle I had in my head justice. Honestly though, I don't think a day went by when I didn't think about this story and how badly I wanted to finish it. The next chapters shouldn't take long to write at all, particularly the next one.

As always, thanks to my beta Torina, who is currently sleeping on my couch after having listened to me complain about actions scenes for several hours. Darling, thank you for putting up with me. Thanks also to lemondropseven for helping with the action when I feared it never make it. Thanks also to shoebox for a last minute Brit-pick.

And thank you to everyone who's stuck around all this time. We're not long from the finish line now. If you'd like to be included on the mailing list, just leave your email address in a review.

**

Harry clenched his hands into fists as fear raged through him, curling his fingers into a death-grip around his wand.. Aware that everyone was looking at him, he turned to Dumbledore with a silent plea.

“Keep your head about you,” Dumbledore muttered so only he could hear. “Remember, we have only one objective.”

“Yeah,” Harry said, turning away, forcing himself not to look at Severus as they trampled over dead grass towards the Forbidden Forest. With his gaze on the Death Eaters in front of him Harry could only just see Severus’ black dueling robes out of the corner of his eye, and his neck whipped around automatically when he saw Severus move away.

“Wait!” Harry cried before he could help himself, and he saw Severus turn his head just enough for Harry to know he’d been heard, but not enough to steal one last glance. “What about everyone else?” he asked Dumbledore, watching as everyone but Moody and a small group of Aurors moved away from them.

Severus and Remus were moving towards another group of wizards, and though Harry knew he couldn’t have stayed with him it was all he could do to let Severus go. The desire to call out for him, to see him one last time, nearly overwhelmed him, but then Moody grunted and stepped into his place and Harry forced himself to concentrate again.

“He’ll be fine, Harry. Remus will be with him,” Dumbledore said under his breath as their pace quickened, and Harry was amazed that he had no problem keeping up with Aurors a quarter his age. A quick look to his left revealed what had become apparent to Harry in the last month—Voldemort was right to fear Dumbledore. If he was afraid he was doing an excellent job of hiding it, unlike Harry who knew he was revealing every ounce of his terror. “We must all concentrate now on helping you to reach Voldemort as quickly as possible.”

“Do they know—I mean, does anyone know why?”

“No,” Dumbledore replied, “but there was no reason to tell them. The connection between you and Voldemort has always been the greatest of mysteries.”

“And what’s between you and Snape is an even greater one,” Moody muttered under his breath.

Not giving a damn what Moody thought about anything, Harry turned his head and tried to find Severus amongst all the black robes. He thought he saw Tonks’ hair standing out in a sea of darkness, the figures moving farther away until the only thing Harry could do was wish he was with them.

“Pay attention, Potter,” Moody muttered by his side, calling him back from his thoughts. Moody threw him a dirty look, then said to his men, “Remember, our goal is to cut through those bastards as quickly as possible. We have to get Potter—”

A screaming green flame streaked through the air, cutting him off, and Harry threw up the strongest shield he knew, ducking and shielding his eyes as the smell of burnt grass and singed robes invaded his nostrils. He heard someone screaming, and then Dumbledore was pulling on his arm, the strength of his shield putting Harry’s to shame as he drove them forward. Moody and a handful of his Aurors followed, and Harry was able to look up through the shield at the Death Eaters in front of them.

The green fire was swept back, and Harry scanned the field for Severus. He couldn’t see him amongst the black-robed Aurors and students, and after a few seconds he had to drive his attention forward again.

“Oh, God,” he whispered as he saw Yaxley, Dolohov, and Rodolphus all approaching at a run, the forest behind them shuddering as the sky behind them went black. Panicking, Harry suddenly ran into the Auror in front of him, toppling over him. Looking up, he realized the world had gone dark for everyone.

A piercing scream sounded from across the lawn, and Harry tried to adjust to the darkness before a familiar hand gripped his arm and he remembered the Death Eaters who’d been approaching him.

“Lumos! Move, Potter,” Moody shouted, dragging him by the arm so he was forced to keep up, Harry firing the most crippling curses Dumbledore had taught him into the darkness. His body tensed as he heard the Death Eaters moving closer, and he realized he would literally have to cut through them in order to reach his target.

His stomach churned and he gripped his wand tighter as he fired a curse blindly, screaming his rage. A blue light sped towards him, and Harry shielded himself and ducked. A heartbeat later he heard a scream behind him, then something warm splashed across his face. He spat, then wiped his face with a hand, the metallic smell churning his stomach and driving all higher thoughts from him. Only a wild panic was left behind.

Through the shouts and spellfire Harry heard Dumbledore muttering in Latin. He felt a charge in the air that had his hair standing on end before a ball of light illuminated the darkness in front of them.

Yaxley shielded himself from the Aurors and Harry fell to his knees. He fired curse after curse, needing to break through, needing to end all this. Harry took aim at Yaxley, then caught a flash of red spellfire out of the corner of his eye. He hastily threw up a shield, the sound of heavy breathing and crushed grass telling him Yaxley had fled. He thought he heard a dull thud as the red spellfire ceased, and then Dumbledore was tugging on his collar, Moody and his men—fewer this time—still attempting to make it to the Forest.

“Where did he go?” Harry cried out; he’d believed he was Voldemort’s prime target. Why would Yaxley leave while Harry was still alive, even if he was in a company of Aurors and Dumbledore?

“Quickly, Harry,” Dumbledore shouted, a crack of thunder muffling his cry as Harry continued to race across the field toward the Forest.

They were nearly to the Forbidden Forest, Harry’s lungs burning and his muscles aching under the stress of the run, when the first drops of rain began to fall. Looking up at the black sky, then to the growing skirmish to his left—still shrouded in darkness—Harry’s knees nearly gave out under him as he finally understood what was happening.

There were no Death Eaters coming for them, and none behind them or surrounding them. The light Dumbledore had conjured was faint, but it allowed Harry to see what was around him. The path to the Forbidden Forest appeared to be clear, but then Harry had to squint through the rain in order to see them.

There, on the edge of the Forest, were a half dozen figures in black, all standing and waiting for something. Waiting for Harry.

A shadow passed over Dumbledore’s face, and Harry followed his line of sight and looked to the field where Aurors and Order members and students were facing Death Eaters. With the aid of the conjured light Harry could see there were already bodies on the ground. And though the fighting seemed to stretch out all across the field, Harry saw that the Death Eaters were all moving to surround one area, where a small group of wizards...

“No,” Harry whispered, rain impeding his vision, though he hardly needed it to know what was happening.

Panic

Fear

He pushed away from Dumbledore quickly and fell into the mud, his hands slipping into cold, wet earth as he cursed the day Severus told Malfoy about the bond. Voldemort knew exactly what he needed to do. The Death Eaters by the Forest only had to delay Harry from reaching him. They didn’t need to kill Harry.

All they needed to do was kill Severus.

*

Severus let loose a curse as he felt the first sign of rain hit his cheek.

He panted as he felt the Pepper-Up potion already starting to fade, fighting back against a cough as he fell back toward the lake in the dark with Lupin and Granger by his side. The shroud of darkness the Dark Lord had cast served his cause perfectly: Severus could hear the confusion, the near-panic of the Order members fighting against their own fear as well as real enemies in front of them.

Though he’d realized the Dark Lord’s plan the moment he saw the first wave of Death Eaters ignore Harry and come straight for him, it hadn’t helped him in a fight where he was outnumbered three-to-one. His boot sank down into the muck and he concentrated on his shields, not able to spare an ounce of his strength to attack. And though he now knew he should have foreseen this, he couldn’t regret telling Draco the exact name of the bond that day when things had seemed so dark. Not now, when Harry was so close to the end.

Severus coughed and caught someone as they fell against him, wishing he could spare the wand movement it would take to conjure a light. Not able to see five feet in front of him, Severus shielded himself and moved through the Death Eaters, no longer caring what Dumbledore had wanted. Harry was somewhere lost in the darkness, and Severus knew he should be by his side, not some pack of useless Aurors who wouldn’t give a damn whether he lived or died.

He had to reach him.

He saw a chance to break through the gathered Death Eaters and took it, spitting out a curse that broke through some underling’s shield. Severus shouted at Lupin to follow him, his eyes squinting to find the Death Eaters he knew lined the Forbidden Forest.

“Severus, I don’t think we should—” Lupin said, panting, before Severus heard the sound of spellfire streak by his ear.

All eyes were upon him as he moved, and he wasn’t able to take three steps before another Death Eater was attacking him. Severus barely remembered his attacker’s name, and he was more irritated that he was being delayed by some nameless minion than panicked until another man joined him. Severus ceased attacking and concentrated on defending himself, summoning his strongest shields. Before the second man could break Severus’ shield, Granger cursed him.

Her hair lay flat against her face and she stood gasping in the rain, giving Severus an odd look before she turned away from him.

“Listen!” Granger shouted as the rain began to pour harder, fighting to have her words heard over the wind. “Listen to me, everyone!” She cursed a Death Eater to his knees, and Severus saw the panic in her eyes when she pushed the wet hair from her face. “If you trust Harry, defend Professor Snape!”

“Stupid girl,” Severus muttered as he cursed another attacker, coughing harshly and struggling to catch his breath as three more Death Eaters approached him with wands drawn. His eyes went wide as his throat clenched, his voice caught on a cough, realizing there was no way he could defend himself from three wizards in his current state.

He fired off a curse, casting a look around for Lupin, disgusting himself by actually hoping he was close by. His curses bounced off the Death Eaters’ shields and Severus raised his own, his mind working furiously for some way out of this.

“Stupefy!”

Severus watched as one of his assailants fell to the floor, his shield having been dropped the second Severus raised his own. Not immediately recognizing whomever had aided him, Severus fired a curse against one remaining Death Eater and then the other, then fell to his knees coughing.

“Professor Snape!” The person who’d helped him rushed to his side, and Severus thought it was Lupin before he saw tattered robes out of the corner of his eye, trying to make his way towards Severus.

Casting a quick glance up, Severus groaned and said, “Merlin help me, I’ve been saved by Longbottom.”

“Not yet, I don’t think. Are you all right?”

Severus nodded and got to his feet, pushing off the aiding hands of the idiot who might have just saved his life. “Harry...I have to reach—”

“Professor, I don’t know that—”

Not bothering to try and listen to Longbottom over the sound of lightning and spellfire, Severus pushed him away and turned back toward the spot he’d last seen Harry. His lungs on fire, he looked through the darkness to the dozens of Death Eaters that stood between himself and Harry. The bond was tugging at him, telling him to cut through the horde and aid Harry as quickly as he could.

“Professor Snape—”

“Idiot boy,” Severus muttered before grabbing Longbottom and dragging him back to the water’s edge, “what are you—” Out of the corner of his eye Severus saw the Death Eater Longbottom had stunned aim his wand at them, but Severus fired a curse before he could do any damage.

Severus seethed in anger as he cast a shield, his fist pulling at Longbottom’s collar, and shouted, “Never hex when you can curse, you idiot!”

“I was only trying to help you!”

“You need to be helping yourself,” Severus said, though he was grateful for the help; grateful that, for whatever reason, Longbottom hadn’t left him.

“No, I need to be helping Harry,” Longbottom shouted over the rain, “I trust Harry, and I guess that means trusting you.”

For the first time since he’d met this boy, Severus met his gaze with something other than disgust and disappointment. The air was so cold; Severus was soaked to the bone and he had no time for a response but a nod before someone broke through his shield. He raised his wand again.

He wanted to glance back to where he’d last seen Harry, but Severus could no longer afford to look away. Granger and then Lupin came to stand by him as three different Death Eaters attacked, and Severus knew he’d need all their strength just to keep himself alive. His instincts kicked in, commanding his body to move in the ways it should as his heart seized at the painful truth: he would never see Harry again.

The final scene in his long act of contrition would be played alone.

Fear

Panic

Perhaps not alone, he thought as the other members of the Order came to his side. He felt Harry through the bond, their connection completely open, and knew that this was the best end he could ask for. He might not be at Harry’s side, but he would not be overcome by Death Eaters before he could help him.

And there was only one way he’d be able to help him now. The bond hummed through him, but he knew it wasn’t time yet.

Gritting his teeth against the pain in his chest, he let loose another curse and let the rain come.

*

Harry wasn’t ready.

He knew it in his heart, in his soul, and most certainly in his trembling hands. More than anything he wished Severus was here, wanted to see him one more time before going to face their joint destiny.

“Quietly,” Dumbledore said as they entered the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. The few Death Eaters that had stood between them and Voldemort hadn’t delayed them for long; those that Dumbledore and Moody hadn’t cut down had run off to join the fighting by the lake. To fight Severus, Harry realized.

Harry’s heart beat rapidly in his chest as he stepped into the Forest, trying to keep himself from making too much noise, dead grass and leaves sounding in the darkness as he tramped over them, his attempt at stealth in vain.

And though he could hear Dumbledore next to him and Moody somewhere to his side, Harry had never felt more alone than he did in the middle of all the cold and dark. The sounds of fighting barely penetrated the brush and high trees of the Forest, but Harry tried to listen anyway. He knew there was no way he could make out one voice in the midst of so many, but he tried hard to listen for Severus.

His hand gripped his wand tighter and Harry began to panic, realizing that this was it; this was the end, this was what he’d been training for, what Severus was prepared to die for.

And with that terrible thought coursing through his mind Harry stopped, his feet no longer able to keep him moving forward.

“Harry?” Dumbledore whispered, a hand reaching out from the shadows to find his shoulder, his firm grip the only thing keeping Harry from descending into darkness.

“I can’t,” he whispered in response, hearing Moody come up next to him. “I—” He shook his head, closing his eyes and turning his gaze inward, searching for that bright cord that bound himself and Severus together.

It was there, shining as brightly within him as it had since the bond had fully matured. He reached for it, wanting to find strength in it, but not wanting to take a thing from Severus. Not until he had to.

And if he had to...

“Harry,” Dumbledore said, “we’re almost there. All of this is nearly over.”

“But—” he tried to get the words out, tried to voice his fear, but his throat clenched. He’d known what he had to do for months now. But now that he was here, now that he knew Voldemort was so close, he had no idea how he could do this to Severus.

“But what if I drain him?” he whispered. “What if he does die?”

“Potter, this is hardly the time—”

“Be quiet, Alastor,” Dumbledore said, then two warm hands reached out to gently grasp Harry’s shoulders. “Harry, I honestly believe Severus will not die.”

“But you can’t—”

“No,” he said sadly, “I don’t know for certain.”

Harry’s breaths came out in harsh pants as he closed his eyes and again felt for Severus, needing to know he was still there, needing to know that he hadn’t slipped away.

“This is his fate, Harry, just as it is yours. What is about to happen” Dumbledore said, as a hand left Harry’s shoulder, “the victory we’ve been waiting for will only happen because Severus loves you. His love, and this bond, is the power the Dark Lord knows not.”

And suddenly it was as though there was a light in the darkness, and Harry knew what it was, what it would lead to. And though he’d always had confidence that Severus would live, he was paralyzed with fear.

“It’s time, Harry.”

“No. I can’t.” He stood still on the precipice, not seeing anything but Severus’ life in his hands. “He could die.”

“He could, yes,” Dumbledore said slowly, “but from the beginning I’ve believed that Fate would not be so cruel. It could not award bravery with such apathy.”

That made sense to Harry. It wouldn’t be fair for Severus to have come so far, done so much, only to die now. But then Harry thought of Dumbledore’s own experiences and knew Fate could be cruel.

There were voices coming from beyond the group of trees they were hiding behind, and Harry knew he was standing just a few feet from his destiny. Still, he couldn’t go forward. Not if there was a chance that Severus could die.

“Harry,” Dumbledore whispered, “it is your fate that led you here, your destiny that was prophesied before you were born.” The hands on Harry’s shoulders were warm where he had been so cold. “But don’t misunderstand—Fate may have led you to this moment, but it’s up to you to take the final steps.” He gestured with a hand towards the light, where Harry knew Voldemort was waiting.

Prophecy is not something that can be assumed or hoped for. It is an unclear vision of a future that may not happen. You cannot put such faith in it.

Severus’ words from months ago rang clearly in his head, and it was only now that Harry was finally able to understand them.

Fate had brought him here, to this point, but it could not force him to take the last steps.

“The hand of Fate has intervened on behalf of mankind,” Dumbledore said, “it brought you and Severus together for this reason. The question you must ask yourself is if you have the strength to see this through to the end.”

And in a moment of clarity, the pause between breaths, Harry felt Severus’ urging, his pride and encouragement. His love.

Finish it.

“Yes,” Harry said, gripping his wand tighter.

Wiping his face with his sleeve, Harry took a deep breath and felt for Severus again, feeling his strength, his magic, his very essence within him. The bond hummed in reply and Harry felt as though Severus was all around him, inside him, and that there would be no stopping the two of them.

Together, they really were the most powerful wizard alive.

Pride

Faith

The emotions coming from Severus helped Harry to gather his thoughts, borrowing some of Severus’ strength as he opened his eyes and straightened his back. Dumbledore was right. It was time to end this.

“All right. I’m ready.”

“Good. I believe we’re not far from our goal.”

And the goal was to get to Voldemort, Harry thought as his feet once again began moving, almost of their own accord. He grabbed hold of his fear and thought of Severus, of how he was doing this for him, of how he was going to kill Voldemort and get back to him in time to make their date.

There’d be much to celebrate, he told himself as he broke out in a sweat. Harry would finally be free, but more importantly, the threat hanging over Severus would be gone. They could do whatever they wanted, whatever they decided...

There was a light coming from behind a copse of trees, and Harry’s eyes adjusted to it as he paused. Pushing his fear aside, he thought of Severus and stepped through.

The first thing he saw was dark robes and Peter Pettigrew looking more ragged than he’d last seen him. And there, standing in between them, was a figure in robes so dark they seemed to blend in with the trees. Harry looked up into that terrible face and took a step forward.

“Ah, Harry,” Voldemort said with a grin. “I’m so pleased you could make it.”

*

Severus had made no headway from his stand on the muck of the lake, Lupin, Granger and a few others still fighting alongside him. His entire body was shaking now, and his cough was nearly constant, but he forced himself to remain on his feet. Harry hadn’t made his way to the Dark Lord yet, and Severus would be damned if he allowed himself to be taken down before he could give what he needed.

His throat was hoarse as he fired curse after curse, and he saw Lupin and Granger cast more than one nervous glance his way. His strength faded and he fell back behind them, eager to give himself some reprieve, even if only for a moment.

Severus turned on the bank of the lake, casting his strongest shield around himself as he tried to catch his breath. Suddenly he saw a dark figure slowly approaching him, wand drawn.

He maintained his shield and allowed the figure to come closer, but made no move to attack. Instead he threw back his shoulders, letting Lupin and Granger watch his back as his eyes met Draco Malfoy’s through the darkness.

Heartfelt speeches and declarations of Draco’s unwanted and undying love were something Severus had no time for, but he paused as he watched Draco aim his wand at him halfheartedly. The curse that had been on the tip of Severus’ tongue faded as he took in how Draco had diminished since he’d last seen him. His body was trembling, but whether it was from the rain and the cold or something else Severus had no idea.

“Severus...” Draco said, his voice just barely reaching Severus’ ears over the sound of rain and spellfire.

Perhaps it was because this boy had once been his student and one of his greatest disappointments, or perhaps it was because Severus knew he was about to die. Whatever the reason, some unknown part of him felt pity like he never had before.

“Severus, please...”

Draco’s hand was shaking and his eyes—even without the use of Legilimency—screamed his regret, his unspoken plea for Severus to accept him. Whatever the reason, Severus knew he couldn’t harm Draco. In a moment of clarity he realized that if it hadn’t been for him, he would have never had Harry.

Draco must have sensed Severus’ reprieve because he lowered his wand with a hopeful glance, his eyes making some prayer Severus would never understand.

Severus didn’t hesitate to stun him and bind him with the strongest spell he could muster, cursing himself for feeling the regret that it had come to this.

We all have our part to play.

His eyes still on Draco, Severus only saw the green light of the killing curse out of the corner of his eyes, and he fell into the freezing muck of the lake to escape it. He heard screams coming from behind him and absently wondered who had been hit.

Lifting his muddied face, he looked and saw the unmistakable silhouette of Lucius Malfoy stepping over his son to come for Severus.

“It was my intention to miss you, Severus,” Lucius said as he walked closer, his steps far too casual and his robes far too clean. Severus’ eyes never left Lucius’ wand as he stood, gasping for breath and gathering as much strength as he could.

Hatred cut deep into every line on Lucius’ face, and Severus cast a quick glance around him, realizing that the other Death Eaters were giving them a wider berth. This was intentional. Lucius had wanted to find him.

“You ruined my son,” Lucius said through his teeth, not sparing a glance for his fallen, bound son as he advanced on Severus.

Severus coughed then spat on the ground, forcing his body to obey his wishes and not crumple into a heap. Straightening his back, he looked Lucius in the eye. “You ruined him yourself,” he said, taking no pleasure in Lucius’ sneer and raised his wand. “What will he have left when the Dark Lord is dead and Harry has won?”

Even in the darkness Severus saw the grin his question brought out of Lucius, the glint of mirth that flashed in his eyes. “As I understand it, Potter needs you to accomplish that.” He smirked and took in Severus’ exhaustion, and Severus thought he might have heard his struggle to breathe over the bedlam around them. Slowly advancing, Lucius aimed his wand at Severus’ heart and said, “Hardly a difficult situation to remedy.”

Severus cast first, knowing that Harry hadn’t reached the Dark Lord yet, knowing that above all things he had to survive until he had. Lucius’ eyes went wide in surprise; perhaps he’d assumed Severus had been too exhausted by the other Death Eaters to put up a fight.

Brushing some muddied hair out of his face, Severus looked inward and felt for Harry through the bond. It vibrated warmly inside him, the strength he needed calling out to him like a siren. He steeled himself, refusing to use even an ounce of what Harry needed. Allowing the familiar sensation of the bond to hum through him, Severus reminded himself of what he was fighting for. That he had no option but to survive.

Quickly, he cast again, but Lucius cast a shield and stepped back, glaring at Severus for having the audacity to defend himself.

“Be realistic, Severus,” he said, nearly stepping over Draco’s prone from as he slowly moved away, “there is no possibility of that boy defeating the greatest wizard that ever lived.”

Thinking back to what Dumbledore had said, to Harry’s lessons over the past month and everything he knew about the bond, Severus was forced to agree.

But Harry wasn’t alone. Severus, even now, was with him.

“Sectumsempra!”

Lucius cried out and clasped his neck to stop the flow of blood, but Severus had missed his target. Severus raised his wand to cast the killing curse while Lucius was distracted, but suddenly felt the shadow of a blow to his consciousness. A chill ran down his spine as he realized Harry’s mind was being invaded.

This wasn’t the gentle invasion that Dumbledore had performed in their training. Harry had reached the Dark Lord, and the knowledge of it caused a dark weight to fall on Severus’ heart. He used Lucius’ distraction to raise the mental shields that would protect Harry’s mind.

Sectumsempra!

“Ah!” Severus cried out, and grabbed his right shoulder, keeping his wand raised as Lucius came closer.

“I’ve always admired that little spell you created, Severus.” His hair was tinged red in places, and he looked as though he was trying to heal his own wound. “And so generous of you to share it with the rest of us.”

Severus tried to grasp onto what was in front of him through his blurred vision, but the Dark Lord was bearing down on Harry with tremendous strength. Grasping his wand tighter, he concentrated on Lucius and cast another curse. Shielding himself, Lucius continued to advance on Severus until he was nearly upon him.

“I believe I’ll enjoy—”

A blind kick left Lucius on the ground, blood pouring from the disturbed flesh of his wounded neck. Severus caught his breath and allowed himself a brief moment of concentration, ready to end this completely.

Lucius was gasping, still trying to staunch the flow of blood when Severus felt the bond open for Harry.

He gasped, barely able to find his breath so strong was Harry’s pull on his strength. Sinking to his knees, he felt the world begin to spin and his strength leave him as Harry took Severus’ own strength through the bond.

He felt Harry’s fear and his regret, felt his determination and knew that this was what they had been waiting for. This was the end. He closed his eyes, looking inward and allowing Harry to take all that he needed, everything he had. Knowing that the Dark Lord was on the opposite side of Harry’s spell, he gave his strength gladly. Freely.

A groan and then the sound of flesh meeting the cold muck shook Severus out of his thoughts, and he realized that Lucius had managed some level of healing on his wound. His hand still cupped his neck, but he stood and glared down at Severus.

“Sectumsempra!” Severus cast, but the spell was weak and Lucius easily deflected it. Panicking, he looked around for Lupin or Granger, but couldn’t find either of them.

This couldn’t happen, he thought. Not now and not so close to their goal. His strength was fading and he fell further into the mud, casting a shield around himself as Harry continued to drain him.

Severus gasped as he felt his shield fail, striving to find the strength to hold onto his wand. He struggled to breathe, his eyes searching blindly for a way to defend himself; anything to keep himself alive until Harry had killed the Dark Lord.

He couldn’t fail Harry.

He tried to cast a disarming spell, the simplest of defenses, but nothing would come. Breathing in a ragged breath, he looked up at Lucius.

“I do hope I can return to our lord’s side before he kills Potter,” Lucius said, blood still dripping from his neck, looking down on Severus and aiming his wand. “I wouldn’t want to miss the festiv—”

A green light illuminated the air, and Lucius’ eyes went wide and then blank in the space of a heartbeat. Severus watched in amazement as his wand fell from his hand and he collapsed face first into the mud.

Hermione Granger was standing behind him, tears pouring from her eyes, holding her wand in a death grip.

Slowly she walked over to Lucius then knelt down in front of him, her hands shaking as she attempted to touch him, then seemed to think better of it. Her body shivering and hands trembling visibly, she addressed Severus. “I think—” she gasped, then looked down at Lucius’ prone form. “Okay. I think—I’m finished now.”

Severus simply stared at her, a part of him understanding what this must have meant for her but unable to give a voice to his thoughts. Instead he let his head fall into the mud, his neck no longer having the strength to support it. He thought he heard Lupin’s voice before he closed his eyes and allowed Harry to take all of himself.

*

Harry shivered with disgust as Voldemort smiled then stretched out a hand. “How wonderful to see you again.”

Harry’s steps from the thickness of the forest were slow, but he felt himself gaining control of his fear with each step he took. Voldemort’s twisted grin fell from his face as Harry heard footsteps behind him.

“Good morning, Tom,” Dumbledore said plainly, his tone stern as he came to stand next to Harry.

The twisted grin came back to Voldemort’s face, tinged with far more anger than it had before. “Unwilling to fight your own battles, Harry?” His hand gave a careless wave of his wand, and Harry felt the mental invasion of Legilimens. For an instant, Harry saw images slam to the forefront of his mind—his darkest fears of Severus’ death—before he felt Severus’ shield fall into place. Voldemort’s face twisted in displeasure.

“No more than you, Tom, I’m sure,” Dumbledore said, his eyes darting to the woods behind Pettigrew. In the space of a heartbeat, Harry realized that there was no one in front of Voldemort, nothing to stop him from ending this as soon as possible, without hurting Severus.

Swiftly, he lifted his wand, and shouted “Avada—”

Voldemort stunned him with a wordless hex, and a half dozen Death Eaters came out of the woods to stand between Harry and Voldemort.

Suddenly, Harry found himself in a duel with some nameless Death Eater, Moody and Dumbledore by his side, when he should have been fighting Voldemort.

“Bastard,” Harry said under his breath, casting a curse and shouting, “why don’t you call off your bootlickers and fight me!”

Voldemort responded with a dark laugh, moving farther away from the fighting, and said, “But Harry, we must give Lucius the time he needs to reach your sweet Severus.”

Fear shot through Harry, and the curse that had been on his lips nearly faltered as he realized what was happening. Instinct took over as his mind worked to find a way out of this, find a way to get to Severus and rescue him from...

From what, he asked himself. The quickest way to save Severus was to end all of this as soon as possible. And the only way to end this was...

Three more Death Eaters entered the fray as he, Dumbledore, and Moody defended themselves, Harry nearly tripping over the body of one man Dumbledore had felled as

he dodged a curse. Frustrated, he grit his teeth as he traded spells, blow for blow, with some nameless minion while Voldemort stood back and watched.

This was pointless, he thought. He knew what he had to do, knew what had to be done to save Severus. His heart twisted at the thought that in order to save Severus he’d have to hurt him, draining him more than he ever had before.

He closed his eyes for the space of a heartbeat and prayed Malfoy hadn’t reached Severus yet. Then he felt for the bond. It opened for him quickly as it had in the past weeks; without question and with total trust and love.

Harry concentrated and pulled from it, blasting the Death Eater he was fighting against a tree. He heard a sickening crack before his body fell to the ground, limp. Severus’ power was flowing into him, and Harry wasted no time in cursing another Death Eater to the ground.

With a quick look around Harry realized that Pettigrew was barely holding his ground against Moody, and Dumbledore was fighting Bellatrix. There was only him and Voldemort left.

The darkness of the forest surrounded him, and Harry took a deep breath as he realized the moment he’d been waiting for was here. Voldemort aimed his wand with a scowl, and Harry felt for Severus. He was weaker now, so much weaker than he ever had been before.

“Severus, I love you,” he whispered, before he lifted his wand and took all the strength Severus had to offer. “Avada Kedavra!”

*

Severus shoved his hands into his pockets as they left the warmth of the cinema and walked into the cold night. Harry was a stiff wall of silence by his side for a few moments before he linked their arms at the elbow.

The silence continued, and Severus savored it, glad to know that Harry would be the kind of companion that enjoyed absorbing a shared experience as Severus did. They were walking down the snow-covered streets of Soho towards a cafe Severus had favored in his youth when Harry finally spoke.

“I thought we were going to see a comedy.”

Severus smirked and could nearly feel the shiver that ran through Harry. Despite knowing his reaction was hardly from the cold, Severus shifted closer.

“We were. I changed my mind.”

“I trusted you...” Harry said under his breath, and Severus almost laughed at the tone of betrayal in his voice.

“Did you not enjoy the film?”

“Oh, I did!” Harry cried, slipping his hand down Severus’ arm and into his pocket to hold his hand. “I really liked it, but... Did it have to be so sad? I mean, poor Heathcliff.”

“One of my favorite novels made into one of my favorite films,” Severus said, savoring the feel of the warm hand in his own. “I could hardly pass up the opportunity to share it.”

“Oh,” Harry said, sending a quick smile Severus’ way. The bond between them vibrated with a shiver of joy. “Wait, so it was a book? Does it end any happier?”

“No,” Severus said, finally spotting the cafe they were headed to down the street. “It’s far worse.”

Giving off a huff of exasperation, Harry turned to him and said, “Look, the next time we plan on watching a comedy, we’re watching a comedy.” His false anger amused Severus, and Harry poked a finger at his chest. “I’m serious. No more of this ‘ghosts haunting the moors’ stuff. Agreed?”

Casting a quick look to see if anyone was watching—then throwing off his cares as he remembered where they were—Severus pulled Harry close to him, and placed a light kiss on his lips.

“Agreed,” he said, lingering in the embrace, allowing his nose to touch the softness of Harry’s cheek.

Strong arms wrapped around his waist and soft hair tickled his nose as Harry shivered in his arms.

“I can’t believe we’re here, you know?” Harry said, his voice a soft whisper in his ear. “I can’t believe we both made it.” He looked around the street in wonder. “It’s like a miracle, and I’m just...so happy.”

The strengthening of his own embrace served as Severus’ agreement as he allowed himself to marvel at the truth of Harry’s statement. It hadn’t seemed possible, but he had survived. They had survived and were free to live their lives with each other and in any way they cared. Looking out into the night with Harry in his arms, the future seemed so clear to Severus for the first time in his life.

His life would go on...with Harry. It still didn’t seem real.

“It’s like...I could just die right now, you know?” Harry said in a whisper, still holding onto Severus for dear life.

“What?” Severus asked, something about what Harry had just said raising an alarm inside him. It didn’t make any sense. Harry hadn’t been the one who was meant to die. Harry wasn’t supposed to die. His life wasn’t a miracle, some rare, benevolent twist of Fate’s whim.

It was Severus who should have died.

“I said I’m so happy I could die right now and it would be fine,” Harry said again. Severus looked out again into the night and watched as the darkened streets of Soho became the muddied grounds of Hogwarts, streetlights and signs turning into the bright streaks of spellfire.

His heart sank and he grasped hold of Harry harder, not yet willing for the lie to be over. He closed his eyes and inhaled, trying to find the smell of Harry’s soap and the dungeons and nearly groaning when he smelled the scent of blood instead.

His shoulder began to burn, but he kissed Harry’s cheek one last time. “You’re not going to die, Harry,” he said in a whisper, “I am.”

“Severus!” Lupin cried, shaking Severus back to a state of consciousness as he lay on the muddied earth. Pain shot through his chest and shoulder, and for a moment he wished he’d remained in the hallucination. “Please, Severus...”

Closing his eyes again—because he had no desire for the last image he saw to be Lupin so emotional—Severus coughed and gasped for air that struggled its way into his lungs. A part of him wanted to go back to the delusion again, just so he could see Harry one more time, but he forced himself to stay awake, not wanting to succumb to such weakness. He’d stay conscious, stay alive for Harry as long as he could.

“That’s right, Severus,” Lupin said, and Severus realized his head was pillowed on Lupin’s thigh. “Stay awake.”

But Severus could already see the light beginning to dwindle, and knew it had no bearing on any spell that had been cast. He closed his eyes, and wondered if he’d see Harry again, reaching out his fingers as an experiment.

Wet tweed remained wet tweed, not dry cotton, and Severus rasped a sigh and nodded to himself. The reality of the situation was far better than any lie his subconscious could create. All his past would be atoned for in this one simple act. And if that wasn’t enough, Harry would live. It was more than he could have hoped for.

“Lupin,” Severus said, doubting he would be heard over the sound of spellfire, but felt Lupin shift closer to him. “Remember your promise.”

“No, Severus,” Lupin said with a sob, and Severus reached out and grasped a cold hand. The strength of his grip was an embarrassment, but he felt Lupin grip his hand in return.

Severus let his head fall back on Lupin’s thigh as his mind drifted to Harry, amazed that such a wonderful man had come into his life, even if it were for only a short amount of time. Severus smiled to himself, thinking that it had been more than enough, and let the darkness take him.

*

Voldemort cast the killing curse just as Harry did, and the green light from their wands again met in midair. His wand vibrated and Harry braced himself for the thrilling sensation of having his feet lifted from the air again, but it never came.

The light from his wand grew brighter, and Harry watched in amazement as it forced back Voldemort’s spell. Harry grasped his wand tighter and felt for the bond, feeling how weak Severus already was and still taking more.

‘This is almost over,’ he thought, as though Severus could hear him. ‘Just a little more, I promise!’

A spell light flashed out of the corner of Harry’s eyes, but he saw Dumbledore block it, and strike Pettigrew down. “Don’t let go, Harry!”

Sweat pouring off his face, Harry grit his teeth and closed his eyes, taking everything he could from Severus and feeling the spell grow stronger. Voldemort was nothing compared to them. Fate had been right all along. He could do this, they could do this.

Opening his eyes, he watched as the light of his spell approached Voldemort’s wand, and knew that—like Harry—he was powerless to release his wand. Gathering all their combined power, everything Severus had to offer, Harry closed his eyes and attacked.

“All this ends now, Tom Riddle!” he shouted above the fray, watching as Voldemort’s eyes went wide just before Harry’s spell reached its target.

There was a resounding boom and the earth trembled, sending Harry to his knees. His face hit the ground as he gasped for breath, the hum of Severus’ magic slowly leaving him as the bond sensed that the danger had passed. Then he shuddered as the bond quivered inside of him as though he had stretched it farther than it would go.

“Severus,” he whispered, casting one quick glance toward Voldemort to see what his heart already knew. Voldemort was dead. The prophecy had been correct, and the bond had worked exactly as Fate had said it would. A part of him wanted to laugh—or perhaps cry—with relief, but it was pushed aside as his heart felt a terrible shudder.

Severus...

Catching his breath, Harry quickly closed his eyes, looking for Severus through the bond.

The bond that had been so alive between them, this living, magical entity that had connected them, seemed dull and lifeless. Harry felt for it, trying to give some of his own strength for Severus to heal, but there was no response. The bond felt dead. Panicking, Harry concentrated harder, trying to sense something, anything...

And then he felt it, something that felt like a farewell. As though the bond had done exactly what it needed to do, had completed its purpose, and couldn’t give anything more.

And Severus...

Harry took off in a run, not hearing whatever it was Dumbledore was shouting behind him, not caring that there might still be Death Eaters hiding in the trees and on the battlefield below. All he knew was he had to find Severus.

Exiting the Forest, he discovered that the light had returned. Hardly caring about the state of the battle, Harry ran head-first towards the fighting, not noticing who was still standing, looking for just one person...

He saw Remus first, then Hermione leaning over him, grabbing something from her pocket then leaning down.

Harry froze as his eyes confirmed what the bond had already told him. There, body half covered by Remus, lay Severus dead on the floor.
- 36
- 37
- 38
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Pains and Contradictions