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Amore et Amicitia	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Sirius/James Views: 6685 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
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AN: And so the next chapter, this one is a little angsty and a little amusing...we are moving closer to a bit that is canon but not actually written down in the HP books. :p Can you guess which bit?

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Sine aetatis annum sine anima est (A year without you is a lifetime without a soul)

The train sped through the countryside, Sirius watched the scenery pass feeling oddly numb. He was returning to school, he was returning the only place he had truly felt at home. Surely the prospect should make him feel happy? But he didn’t. He still smiled and talked normally but every now and again something in James’ face would make the pain return and he would have to look away, the window was always a good distraction. After a while he stood and stretched. “I need the loo.” He muttered vaguely and left their compartment, he walked down the corridor and found the toilets. He pushed back the door and slid inside. Leaning over the sink he closed his eyes and tried to control his racing heart, when he opened them he looked into the mirror on the wall as the train rumbled onwards. “You love him...you can let him go.” He told himself and forced a smile on his lips, he turned on the tap and splashed water over his face before drying it and stepping out of the toilet.

As he was returning to his compartment he spotted Lily sitting with a group of her friends, when their eyes met she smiled. Sirius jerked his head and she nodded before excusing herself. They stood in the corridor and Lily eyed him carefully. “You’re looking...really good.” She said with a smile. “Something must have happened.”

Sirius grinned. “I left home.” He said and chuckled at her shocked expression. “Well, I’m a bloodtraitor you see and we’re kind of like Mudbloods in that we’re not really wanted...so I left.” He shrugged. “But that’s not why I wanted to talk...come sit with us in our compartment.”

Lily looked at him doubtfully for a moment. “I don’t know...”

“I’m sure Remus would love to talk to you, you get on alright don’t you?”

Slowly Lily smiled and Sirius could appreciate why James liked her so much. “Alright then, but if this is an attempt to set me up with James I will make sure you get to say goodbye to your testicles before I turn them to ash.”

Sirius cupped his groin protectively. “Remind me, what does James see in you again?”

Lily elbowed him in the side playfully before following him down the corridor.

James stretched and yawned widely. “Where’s Sirius?” He asked.

Remus shrugged, his head buried in a book as he steadily made his way through a bar of chocolate. Peter sat at his side and was looking through his collection of chocolate frog cards, organising them into piles. Suddenly the door opened and Sirius came in beaming like a dog who had brought his master a gift. “Hello.” He said and moved into the compartment. “I brought a guest.” His eyes flicked to James who raised an eyebrow, behind Sirius came Lily. James’ expression changed rapidly, he sat upright and his tone instantly became much more mature and his eyes lit up.

“Evans! What a pleasant surprise, come sit down.”

Sirius sat at Remus’ side, preventing Lily from sitting anywhere but beside James, she shot him a glance and he smiled mischievously. Remus lowered his book and eyed Sirius warily, when he saw his friend smiling he relaxed but still felt that something was very wrong. James engaged Lily in conversation while Sirius stared at James, hardly able to turn his eyes away. Remus put a hand on his wrist and squeezed, the gesture was one of comfort and Sirius smiled softly before returning it.

XXX

The carriages awaited them all in Hogsmeade, Sirius dropped back allowing Lily to walk with James to one before he took Remus and Peter’s hands and pulled them into another. They climbed inside, Peter looking bewildered and Remus simply looking sad. They sat down and the carriage moved away slowly. “Sirius, why aren’t we sitting with James?” Peter asked.

“Because James is with Evans and that’s how things are supposed to be.” Sirius said firmly.

“I thought that you and James were...?”

Sirius shook his head and pushed hair from his eyes. “No, we’re not. What we had was...it was a laugh...we were experimenting...fucking around.” He smiled. “It was meaningless.”

“Oh, ok.” Peter settled down and took out a magazine.

Remus watched Sirius’ face fall and cloud over with pain, he sighed and moved closer. Sirius rested his head on his shoulder and they lapsed into silence as they travelled up to the school.

XXX

The first full moon of the year came around, Remus showed it by becoming irritable and tired. His face was pale, he had dark shadows beneath his eyes and he walked the corridors with his head bowed. Sirius and James kept close to his sides, like body guards to fend off any potential dangerous questions. However, they didn’t realise that they were being followed around the castle.

Severus Snape had become tired of the Marauder’s seemingly inexhaustible tyranny of Hogwarts, their pranks were vicious and he was sick of them never being caught and punished severely enough. He decided it was high time someone called them on their suspicious behaviour. He tried, at first to find dirt on the princes of the school but everyone loved James Potter and no one seemed to want to accept that he could do anything wrong. He soon realised that he was going the wrong way about it, James was a typical Gryffindor, he was brave and strong and talented but was arrogant enough to believe that he had no weaknesses. Snape knew he did. James’ weakness lay in his friends. His loved ones. He decided to target Sirius Black. Black was known to be vicious, much more so than Potter who, although he was an arrogant bully, had limits. Black didn’t seem to know what limits were. His bullying was borderline sadistic, his obsession with asserting his dominance over those he deemed ‘weaker’ than himself culminated into what was basically torture. However, after years of watching the group together he realised that Black wasn’t as strong as he made out, there was something in his eyes that told a story of years of terror. It was something that Severus could relate to, although he refused to consciously acknowledge this connection to the stuck up Pureblood.

Severus followed the group around for the first few weeks of school, he avoided not getting noticed which made him proud of himself. He watched them carefully, ensuring that if they did something that would get them kicked out of school he would be there to witness it. His main focus was Black, he wanted to know how to bring him down a notch or two, he watched him closely. When he went back to his dorms one night he spotted Regulus Black and an idea came to him.

“Black!” He called as the younger boy was making his way to his dorm. The boy turned and raised a curious eyebrow.

“Snape.” He said in greeting, Snape hated the fact that he looked so similar to his brother but ignored it.

“I was wandering if you could help me.” He said as he took Regulus aside and into a dark corner.

“Of course, what can I do?”

Snape considered him carefully before explaining. “I was wandering if you had any information on your brother.”

Something odd happened, Regulus stiffened, his eyes narrowed and an arrogant sneer crossed his face. “I have no brother.” He hissed.

Snape nodded. “Alright, what can you tell me about Sirius?”

Regulus eyed him carefully. “Why are you so interested?”

“Because...because I want revenge...I want to humiliate him.”

Regulus smiled then, the expression devious. “Ok. Well, if you really want to know how to get to him...” He withdrew something from his pocket, it was a thick sheaf of parchment. “These were his, I kept them in case he pissed me off again but you can have them.”

Severus looked down at the papers. His eyes widened and he gaped at them. “This is...”

“He’s gay, Snape. Sirius was nearly sent to St. Mungos by my parents for his disgusting desires. He escaped before we could try and get him sorted but these are proof that he’s not right in the head.”

Snape grinned maliciously. “Oh this is perfect...thank you, Regulus.”

“Not a problem, just make sure you make his humiliation as public as possible.”

Severus went to bed that night with a grin on his thin lips, this way he could not only pay Sirius back for his bullying but get his revenge on Potter for what he had done to him last year. The memory of hanging upside down and watching Lily’s face contort with disgust and anger still made him sick with guilt and fury. He had spent all summer watching her as he had before Hogwarts, watching her and wishing every second that he could erase that terrible moment. But now James Potter would finally know what it was like to be humiliated before the school.

XXX

Sirius sat at the breakfast table, he was tired after a night of the most erotic dreams he had ever had. They had been so graphic he had woken up several times and had to clean up the sticky mess in his sheets, it had taken all his self control to prevent himself from climbing into James’ bed and begging him to fuck him senseless. He stabbed moodily at a sausage on his plate as they heard the familiar flutter of Owl wings as the post was delivered. He looked up automatically but he didn’t expect to see such a huge amount of owls flying into the hall. He frowned as a host of them landed on the Gryffindor table, people began muttering and looking at the Marauders to see if they were the ones behind it. James frowned at him and they shrugged at each other before taking the tightly rolled tubes from the owls.

Sirius unrolled it and found himself confronted by a photograph of himself and James sitting beneath a tree by the lake, he remembered that day. They had checked that no one had been around. They had ensured they were alone before touching one another. Sirius’ mouth fell open slightly as the moving image showed his hand stuffed unceremoniously down the front of James’ school trousers, their lips were pressed together and they were kissing passionately. Slowly he opened the little paper and saw to his shock his own drawings. James was arranged in erotic poses, his body on display in varying degrees of undress. Each one was signed; Sirius Black. And the later ones with a little ink drawing of a paw print. He felt bile in his throat as he began flicking through it frantically, his face was white and he felt sick. Slowly he lifted his head and saw James frowning down at the magazine, their eyes met and Sirius felt the weight of the stares from the rest of the hall. With shaking hands he folded the paper up and stood slowly, he picked up his bag and slowly walked away from the hall.

James watched his friend leave but didn’t move himself, he forced his face into an easy expression as he looked at around. He grinned to show that he wasn’t phased. “I’ll tell you what Remus, whoever did this has some talent. Those pictures look exactly like me and the photograph is really cleverly done too. I wander who did it? I’d like to shake their hand.” He half rose in his seat, ensuring his voice echoed around the hall so that everyone could hear him. His bravado was false, but he was a good actor when he wished to be. Remus, knowing exactly what he was up to joined in with the farce.

“I like this one, James...” He said and pointed to a drawing Sirius had done. “The light is perfect, the way you look so innocent while sleeping. If only they knew you snore like a Rhinoscerous.”

Slowly the Gryffindor’s laughed, they began chattering about the prank and discussing how it couldn’t be true, they had seen Sirius with several girls before and James and he were just good friends. James smirked to himself in triumph as his eyes scanned the hall to see who had done it, who had managed to get these pictures. He saw Regulus Black gazing at him with burning silver eyes, he suddenly knew that was where the drawings had come from but he was certain Regulus couldn’t have done it alone...and then he saw it. Snape was watching him, he had a copy placed before him but his beetle black eyes were glued firmly to James and the others. James let a smile spread. “Moony, dear friend?” He said softly, never allowing his eye contact with Snape to break.

“yes, Prongs?” Remus replied.

“I think that we have our suspect.”

XXX

Sirius radiated fury as he stormed up to the astronomy tower, he didn’t think he could handle going to his first lesson which happened to be Potions with the Slytherin’s. He gazed out across the grounds with a dark, brooding frown on his face. His hands shook with violence as he tried to digest it all. Someone had outed him before he was ready. But it wasn’t just that, it was that they had outed James as well. James who was in love with Evans, what would she think of it all? How could James ever hope to pursue a relationship with her now that she knew they had been together sexually? He sighed and pushed fingers into his hair. “Shit.” He swore furiously and squeezed his eyes shut.

He was smoking when James and Remus found him, they walked to his sides and put hands on his shoulders. James was grinning. Sirius frowned at him. “What are you so happy about? You’ve just been outed to the whole school!”

James laughed. “I put them right. I said it was a joke, and commented on how realistic it all was...they now think its all fake...” His face fell slightly as he looked into Sirius’ eyes. “Those drawings...did you really do them?”

Sirius turned away. “My parents found them...it’s how they knew I was gay...”

“Sirius, they were beautiful.” Remus said quietly.

“I-Is that...is that really how you see me?” James asked slowly, watching his best friends profile. He had always thought of Sirius as the handsome one, the one who was beautiful. He had never once considered himself anything more than a little average looking, he used his personality to make up for his lack of looks but when he had seen himself through Sirius’ eyes in the drawings it was like looking at a stranger. He had actually looked beautiful, like a fairy tale prince who gets the princess. His hand lingered on Sirius’ shoulder and he felt him shiver beneath the touch, slowly he leaned close and brushed hair from Sirius’ ear. “Thank you.” He whispered.

Sirius turned his head and smiled, cocking his head to the side. “What the hell for?”

“For...for being you.” James replied with a smile of his own.

“I drew you as you look when you’re loved.” He breathed and his smile widened. “You were born to be loved, Jamie. You shine brighter than the sun.”

James flushed slightly before punching Sirius lightly on the shoulder. “You big girl.” He muttered.

Sirius laughed softly and lowered his head so he was looking at his hands. “So...you faked it?”

“Yeah, it was ridiculously easy...and I know who did it.” James grinned wickedly.

“My brother.” Sirius said as he looked up at the blue sky.

“Well, he must have given those drawings to our perpetrator but other than that no...it was Snape.”

Sirius’ eyes snapped to James’, they gleamed in his pale face as his lips peeled back from his teeth in a dog-like snarl. Remus automatically reached out and gripped his shoulder where it met his neck, his fingers dug into the skin for a moment before Sirius relaxed. “Snivellus...” He breathed and turned his eyes to the grounds, his eyes landed on the Whomping Willow.

“How can we get revenge on him?” James asked no one in particular.

Sirius shivered as a cool breeze stirred his hair around his face, a slow smile touched his lips and his eyes darkened dangerously. Remus could feel the excitement in him and it made him nervous. Sirius removed a cigarette from his pocket in fluid movements as he lit one with a silver Zippo lighter. “Leave it to me.” He breathed and his words left him wrapped in grey smoke.

XXX

The full moon came around, Sirius was full of excited tension and it put Remus on edge. He didn’t like the way his sharp silver eyes would follow Snape if they were nearby, he hated the way he would drift off in his own thoughts and he hated the way he wouldn’t pay attention. He ended up continually jabbing at Sirius to get him to snap out of his obsession. During the day before the first full of the school year rose, they were in Potions when Remus caught Sirius watching Snape again. He growled and jabbed him hard in his side, Sirius yelped and turned to look at him with large, puppy-dog eyes. “Moony, what the hell was that for?” He whined, rubbing his side. Remus could almost see the dog ears he wore as Padfoot flattening in shocked submission, WOLF grumbled in satisfaction.

“Stop obsessing, you have to stay alert this is NEWT stuff we’re learning.” He turned back to his cauldron and felt Sirius behind him, he rested his chin on his shoulder and gazed into their potion. Slughorn had made them work in pairs and Sirius had chosen to partner Remus, much to James’ irritation as he was now stuck with a Slytherin girl who was continually groping him.

“That’s wrong!” Sirius grabbed Remus’ wrist and stopped him from adding an ingredient.

“What?”

“If you put that in now you’ll kill me.” He breathed.

“What?” Remus frowned and saw Sirius grin.

“That’ll turn this potion into Dog’s Bane potion if you add it now...”

“Oh.” Remus chuckled and scratched Sirius behind his ear affectionately. Sirius pushed his head into his hand briefly before moving back and picking up his silver knife, he quickly chopped up some roots and added them to the potion. It turned the correct colour, a soft hazy blue and began giving off a lovely scent of peppermint. “Mm...” Remus hummed as he sniffed at the potion.

“Smells like toothpaste.” Sirius grinned.

James watched his friends in the corner of his eye, he knew and accepted that this close to the full moon they would grow closer. It had happened plenty of times before but he couldn’t help feeling jealousy rise up within him, Sirius’ smile was soft and sweet and he laughed easily around Remus. He knew it was friendship and an innate pack mentality but it irked him that Sirius found it so easy to get close to Remus, to touch him, to be cuddly with him. But he hadn’t touched James since that day during the summer. James cursed softly to himself as he bunged a bunch of ingredients into his potion, it began foaming and overflowing. He jumped backwards with a yell and the foam spilled out over the top of the cauldron and onto the floor. The Slytherin girl shouted and James lifted his eyes and found himself looking into Sirius’ face, they grinned at the exact same time and burst into loud laughter.

XXX

Early evening found Sirius, James and Peter outside the Whomping Willow as they waited for the moon to rise. Sirius gazed at the softly rustling trees, he closed his eyes and smiled to himself as he remembered what he had done. It had been so easy it was actually stupid, Snape had been more than eager to discover their secrets and Sirius was more than happy to see him piss himself in terror. He smiled so that his canine teeth were revealed and the moon rose...

“Go on in Pad’s and bring him out...” James muttered as a howl rent the air.

Sirius nodded and jumped into a run from standing, he changed into a dog mid-run and dodged the waving branches easily.

James watched him go and sighed softly as he felt Wormtail quivering in his pocket. “You know, you’re going to have to get over this fear at some point. It’s not healthy and Moony hasn’t attacked any of us...I doubt he will. We’re his pack.” He dug the shaking, terrified rat out of his pocket and dumped him on the ground. “Come on, be a Gryffindor.” He said irritably as he nudged the rat with his foot.

James happened to glance up, he was half hidden in the shadows on the edge of the Forbidden Forest so he knew he hadn’t been spotted. All the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as he watched a shadowy figure moving towards the Willow, its branches had begun to creak ominously but he seemed to know to press the knot to stop them. James swore as the light of the full moon landed on a pallid, familiar face. His heart pounded in his chest as eyes appeared beneath the roots of the tree, eyes the colour of melted toffee...
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Amore et Amicitia