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37—Crescendo
“I’m a back door man.”—The Doors
(Draco)
Draco matched the arc of her spine with his body, spooning her so closely he could feel their heartbeats battling for supremacy. Was hers racing from arousal or nerves? His was a bit of both. Which was why he’d chosen the most relaxing method of foreplay he knew.
Sliding one hand around her hip, he hissed softly as her skin sizzled beneath his palm like a griddle. How could one little witch generate so much heat? His fingertips trailed up her side, climbing the ladder of her ribs until he reached her breast, where he discovered that her nipples had pebbled to precious stones. Just for me, he thought, smiling to himself as he plucked one ruby nugget. So pretty. Following the shell of her ear with the tip of his nose, he breathed in the warm scent of her hair and neck. Even the smell of her sweat turned him on. He couldn’t get enough of her.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” he whispered.
Hermione snuggled back into him and ran her fingers down his arm until her hand covered his. “Yes.”
Severus reached over Lucius to hand him the lube, his obsidian eyes piercing Draco, as if warning him to proceed with caution.
Draco got the impression his father and Snape weren’t betting on him to take home the Most Valuable Player trophy that night. No doubt they’d already branded him the Achilles heel of the lineup.
And they were right to worry. The mere thought of entering her arse set his balls aquiver. Sweet Salazar, he'd almost come all over himself when he stuck his tongue up her bum. How the hell was he supposed to survive putting his cock in there? He had buggered other witches; that wasn’t a lie. But there had only been two, and they had both done it loads of times, so it was no big deal to them. And then there were the nights he’d spent in Blaise’s bed. But Blaise fancied a bit of pain, so he probably wasn’t good practice either.
That entire train of thought was moot. He couldn’t compare Hermione to his previous partners. She was in a league of her own. His father was right: she was a princess. A queen. His goddess. Draco worshiped her, and he wanted her to love everything he did to her, because, above all else, he wanted Hermione to love him. And he wanted to be worthy of that love.
Which meant he needed to make his time with her count.
He just needed to concentrate. And pray nothing tripped the hair trigger in his bollocks.
Skating his hand down her body, Draco curved his palm around her mound and cupped her sweltering pussy. His middle finger slipped between her lips, and he found her engorged nubbin ready and waiting, standing out proudly as if demanding his attention. You have it, my lady. With the softest of touches, he traced its fleshy contours as he ground his aching erection against her bum.
“I want this so much,” he breathed in her ear, and she answered with her hips, jamming them back hard enough to make him see stars. Bloody hell! Just give me a second, love. I know how much you like a good buildup to the launch. “You are so fucking beautiful. I was watching you in the mirror earlier, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as sexy as you coming with that nozzle up your arse.”
She smiled, and Draco kissed her neck. That’s it, just relax. “You know what's even better than a bum full of water? A bum full of cum. Filled in triplicate. You’re looking forward to that, aren’t you?” he asked with a knowing grin.
Hermione laughed and ground said bum against his straining flesh. “I’m looking forward to it more than I can say.”
Swallowing hard, Draco closed his eyes and tried to regroup. Did she have to be so damn wiggly at a time like this? “We’re all going to be mixed up together inside you,” he rasped. “You’ll be our own little cocktail.”
"Literally.”
Draco chuckled. “Well your tail can have my cock in about fifteen seconds. Right after I get us both nice and slippery. Reach back here and hold yourself open for me; show me how much you want it.”
Biting her lower lip in excitement, she did as he asked, palming her left cheek and spreading her arse like an angel. Wait. Did angels have bums? ‘This one does,’ his cock assured him with a head-banging nod. ‘And she’s ready to take you to heaven with it if you’d stop talking to yourself for five seconds.’ Draco took that advice to heart and quickly wanked himself wet with a handful of slick gel before sinking down behind her for an in-depth analysis of the area. Her little pucker had pretty much snapped back to normal after her first ride, and Draco stroked its crinkled perimeter for a minute, marveling at the insane adaptability of the human body. It seemed unreal that she’d had anything bigger than a couple fingers in there. It was like a buttonhole begging for a banana to rip it apart at the seams. Lubrication would be key. Lovingly, he smeared a dollop of clear gel over the center circle, greasing her to a high shine. Her insides should be slippery enough from earlier.
Bowing his head, Draco kissed each of her cheeks . . . and then her clenching fingers . . . and then the top of her crack. If she wasn’t all sticky with lube and cum, he probably would have just plunged his tongue straight up her arse. Some other time. Maybe she’ll sit on my face tomorrow, and I’ll get her bum AND her pussy at the same time.
Mmmmmm , tasty little—
Gah! Pay attention, Draco! This is why you’re always losing control.
Right. Focus. Steeling his resolve, he crawled back up behind her and got into place. His dick nestled itself in the valley between each hillock, and he had a flashback involving her couch cushions. Stupid gratifying upholstery. Using one hand to align his weeping glans with her slick rear entrance, Draco took a deep breath and then counted out the measured release of his exhale in the hopes that his heart rate would slow to a more manageable speed if he pretended to be calm. Okay. Here we go. Do NOT come as soon as you’re in. Remember why we’re doing this.
After kissing her neck in a final attempt to bolster his confidence, he resolutely set his jaw, preparing himself for the internal battle of wills he was about to unleash on himself. “Tell me if anything hurts, and I’ll stop.”
She nodded.
Draco knew he wouldn’t have much time once he was inside. Anticipation of such immensity—and ungodly duration—would cut his usual time in half . . . if he was lucky. He needed to work fast.
The pressure on his knob became overwhelming as he edged into her arse, and his neural capabilities were suddenly restricted to breathing and blinking, his brain short-circuiting from the rush of stimuli. As soon as his head slid past the ribbed ring of her sphincter, he let go of his dick and covered her pussy with his fingers, rubbing her entire vulva in a smooth circle to get her going. He knew what she liked.
Her walls closed in on him like a rectal booby trap, and his abdominals contracted in an effort to rein in his panicked bollocks. If it were up to his testicles, he’d be shooting his load on the first incursion. But he refused to be the weak link in her chain of pleasure. Returning to his most basic skill set, Draco dialed in the fail-safe code. Clit clit clit. Circle two three four. Come on, love. Let it all out. Normally he would tease her until she couldn’t help climaxing, but drastic times called for drastic measures.
He pressed his body against hers, and his cock slipped even deeper. Oh gods! Every ridge and bump of her canal played over his swollen sex, squeezing out his sanity with each new inch. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck! This was madness. It was like sticking his hard-on in an alternate universe, one where all his Bacchanalian fantasies were compressed into the tight confines of her glorious arse. FUUUUCK! Please come, Hermione!
Draco closed his eyes so he couldn’t see Snape and his father judging his every thrust. He couldn’t concentrate if he was worrying about what they might think of his technique. Or lack thereof.
His fingertip skirted the swell of her clitoris, and meditating on its stiff, slick heat, he sought to sync his awareness with that blessed button. Please, little clit, for the love of all that is holy, come for me. I’ll give you anything you want, just please come soon.
The bed dipped, and Draco cracked open one eye to see Snape and Lucius trading places. Severus stretched out on his side and deftly drew her leg over his hip, which shifted Draco’s angle by opening her tract even more. Draco took advantage of the sudden accessibility and reached lower, tickling the rim of her vagina as he continued his clitoral two-step.
Severus put his forehead against hers and skimmed a thumb over her slack mouth. “Is Draco fucking that arse nice and deep?”
Her breathing stuttered out in a volley of gasping puffs. “Yes, sir.”
“I can hear how wet you are. You’re ready to come again . . . aren’t you?” It was obvious he knew exactly how close she was.
“Almost, sir.”
Snape covered her breast with one hand, idly scissoring her nipple between his fingers. “Can you feel how much Draco loves your arse?”
She whimpered and nodded, and Draco hid his face in the back of her neck. He did love her arse, but the truth was he loved her. All of her.
The trouble with that was that love was a dangerous thing—at least as far as Draco had seen. It could destroy you and leave you breathless in its absence. It could be used as a weapon, used for control, used to inflict pain. The Dark Lord had taught him the dangers of caring too much. Voldemort’s reign had trapped Draco in a constant emotional hell where he was tortured endlessly by the paralyzing uncertainty of what might become of his mother if any of them displeased that snake-faced fuck.
Of course Hermione wasn’t Voldemort. If anything, she was the complete opposite. Her entire existence was devoted to helping others. Maybe that was why he loved her so much.
If only he could tell her that. He wanted to, but it was a big step. A vulnerable step. And with his father and Severus involved, he wasn’t sure what was appropriate. Would she celebrate his confession, or would it throw their four-part balancing act into chaos? He didn’t want that. He’d gotten used to having Snape around, and he’d come to rely on the man’s austere constancy.
But maybe Hermione really did love them all and she was just waiting for one of them to get the ball rolling.
Or maybe she was worried that telling one of them would make the other two jealous. That sounded like her.
Oh gods, what if she tells one of them she loves them before she says it to me? What a horrifying thought. He could accept her loving them too, but not more than him.
Something throbbed in Draco’s chest—that same sweet ache that surfaced whenever he thought about a future with her. What if this was it? What if she was the one? What if he spent the rest of his life sleeping in the same bed with her? That was what he wanted: her arms around him every day, her kiss forever on his lips, her smile lighting up his life until the end of time. Draco squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed the flood of feelings those wishes churned up.
Pressing his lips to her flushed skin, he took a deep breath and mouthed the words I love you against the nape of her neck. It must have tickled, because she shivered and made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a moan. Encouraged by her response, Draco rubbed her clit a little faster and repeated his mute confession.
"Come for Draco," Snape murmured. "Show him how much you love . . . his cock.”
“Uh!” Her body jerked once in a fit of pre-orgasmic tension.
“That’s it,” Snape purred. “Here, suck my fingers . . . good girl.”
Her body began to tremble, and Draco held his breath. I love you, Hermione. Please come for me.
Her back arched so hard she pulled away from Snape, and her cranium pulverized Draco's forehead. The pulsing in her pussy dragged her anus along for the ride, pressurizing her tract to unheard of pounds per square inch. Each spasm locked his cock in place, holding him prisoner. But he didn’t want to be set free.
His balls, however, saw their escape hatch and took full advantage.
The semen ripped out of him with a velocity that bordered on painful, and his heart rushed to a pattering gallop as he struggled for air. Caught in a tempest of breathless explosions, his panting skipped over her neck, shaky and rough, deafening him with his own whimpered exhalations. Luckily, she was moaning so loudly it was doubtful anyone could hear him.
Slowly, she drifted back down to earth, her body going still, and her cries fading to gasps of recovery. Draco basked in her afterglow, his arm wrapped around her waist to keep her close. His sac was empty, and he felt washed clean, renewed by relief.
“That was bloody amazing, love,” Draco whispered.
Her hand covered his, and she delicately stroked his fingers. “I totally agree. Thank you, Draco.”
“The pleasure was all mine.”
“No, it wasn’t,” she corrected with a cheeky grin.
Snickering, Draco nuzzled the back of her ear. “I wish I could stay right here forever.”
“It’s hard to kiss like this,” she noted scientifically.
Snape shook his head in amusement. “Why don’t you uncouple and turn over. I’ll see how your bum is faring and get you ready. And Draco can start making up for all the kissing he’s missed due to positioning difficulties. How does that sound?”
Hermione nodded vigorously, a smile spreading over her face. “Sounds lovely. What about you, Draco? Are you up for it, or do you want to take a breather?”
“Definitely up for it,” he confirmed, his lips already working down the back of her neck. “But I think you’re going to have to push me out; I don’t want to hurt you, and feels like you’ve got me on lockdown.”
Hermione laughed and did as he asked, but as soon he began to drag himself from her heavenly warmth, she groaned morosely. Draco had to concur—parting was such sweet sorrow. And a bit stickier than Shakespeare had let on.
Draco helped her roll over, and when she was settled, he pulled her flush against his body, hooking her arm and leg over his side so she’d have something to hold on to when Snape went in for the kill. Hermione must have gotten a double-helping of Gryffindor bravery, because Draco would have been hyperventilating if it was his bum that was about to get annihilated by that beast. Wanting to allay any performance anxiety she might be feeling, Draco touched his lips to hers and proceeded to snog her senseless, hoping to take her mind off the approaching impalement.
When Snape was ready, he didn’t demand Draco’s departure or even suggest he take a break. On the contrary, he cupped the back of his neck to hold him in place and murmured, “Keep going. Miss Granger, if it gets to be too much, just reach back and stop me.”
Severus must have made his move then, because she whimpered and dug her nails into Draco’s back as if she were scared to death. Holding her tighter, he gently prodded her tongue with his, encouraging her to work out her fears with some oral action. That always calmed her down.
Her respiration became staggered and short, as if she couldn’t inhale properly, so Draco drew back and met her frantic gaze. “It’s okay. Just slow down your breathing.”
Hermione nodded, her eyes wide beneath her pinched brow.
Snape’s hand glided down her waist in a soothing caress. “Do I need to stop, Miss Granger?”
“No, sir. It’s just . . . tight.”
Severus propped himself up on one arm and angled his head to kiss the side of her face. “We can stop any time.”
“Will somebody please touch my clit?” She sounded distressed, as if she might explode unless somebody hit the pressure release button in time.
Draco was more than ready to be of service. “How about if I lick your clit?”
A tentative smile pulled up the corners of her mouth, and the worry in her eyes shifted to curiosity. “Do you really think you're ready to be face-to-cock with Snape? It’s one hell of an experience.”
Draco snorted and gave her a reassuring peck on the nose. “I think I can handle it. He’ll be all the way back in your arse. The worst I'll get is a chin full of bollocks.”
“That can be intimidating too,” she countered.
“I guess I’m about to find out. Wish me luck.”
With a parting smirk, he slithered down her body, pausing for only a moment to taste both her nipples, a move that garnered a barrage of Hermione’s anxiety riddled giggles. As he licked a path down her belly, Snape lent a hand and pulled her top leg up and to the side to give him a clear shot. The sight was magnificent. Snape’s cock was about a third of the way in, and her pussy was so wet it looked as if it were encased in polished glass.
Pressing his mouth to her musky nether lips, Draco gave her clit a fulsome kiss hello, and when his tongue snaked out to deepen the kiss, he groaned in delight. That little bundle of nerves wasn't just wet, it was saturated in layer upon layer of creamed honey. Holding open her glistening pink labia, Draco began slowly, licking all around, sampling every nook and cranny. He didn’t get too close to her entrance; she was right: Snape’s cock was far more intimidating at close range. Draco couldn’t imagine how her poor arse must be feeling. He was suddenly very impressed with Lucius’s ability to handle all that meat without loping around the manor the next day like a saddle-sore cowboy.
In the hopes that his tongue would counteract any lingering resistance to Snape’s size, Draco set out on a marathon of licking and teasing and lapping and flickering. And he made good progress. Until his jaw started to cramp. Merlin’s bloody balls! Was Snape still not inside her yet? Draco had been waiting for the gentle rock of her hips to know when Severus had succeeded in his anal endeavors, but no rocking ever came. She was incredibly still, her leg muscles intermittently trembling and flexing against his face.
Pulling back for a progress report, Draco saw that Snape was about three-quarters of the way home. Hermione looked absolutely out of it, her gaze unfocused, mouth hanging loose as she blindly stared at the mirror.
"Do you still want more?" Severus asked her quietly. “You’ve almost taken it all.”
Her lower lip quivered. “I need to rest.”
“Do you want me to pull out?”
“No!”
Severus smiled and stoked her neck. “Okay. We’ll stay right here. Keep eating her, Draco.”
Draco didn't need to be told twice.
She tasted bloody amazing, like a pussy lollipop. Honeyduke’s was missing out on an untapped goldmine. His lips and chin were coated in her glossy arousal, and he wondered if Snape had any recipes involving cream of cunny. Surely she paired well with chicken and white wine.
Draco carefully suckled her clit, letting his lips do most of the heavy lifting so his tongue could take a much-needed timeout. When she reached down and raked her fingers though his hair, he hummed happily, which caused her hips to tick toward his face as if she were riding the waves of his vocal vibrations.
Hopefully that meant she was loosening up.
“That’s my good girl,” Snape murmured. “Take what you want.”
Her muscles began to jitter, and her thighs turned to stone. Then relaxed. Granite. Relax. That seemed to go on for an eternity, her body oscillating between rigid flexion and total surrender.
Her clit felt as if it had swollen to twice its usual size in his mouth. But that could have been due to his prolonged suckling. By all appearances she was primed for takeoff, but she seemed unable to hit her peak; she just kept falling back down the hill without ever reaching the summit.
“What do you need, Hermione?” Snape whispered. “I know you’re close.”
Instead of answering, she unexpectedly burst into tears.
Severus and Draco both froze, and Draco looked up at her in disbelief. Hermione was passionate and emotional, but she wasn’t really a weeper. She was more of a fighter. He’d only ever seen her cry maybe three times in all the years he’d known her. “What’s wrong, love?”
Her face crumpled, tears streaming sideways to the pillow. “I don’t know. This is really fucking intense.”
Severus used the arm he had looped over her torso to pull her into his chest. “Are you in pain?”
“Noooo-o-o-o,” she blubbered. “I just really need to come. It’s like the orgasm is trapped inside me, but I can’t get it out.”
Lucius reached over Snape to rub her arm. “What do you want us to do, love?”
“I just want to come,” she sobbed.
Snape’s face wrinkled with worry, obviously concerned by the uncontrollable waterworks. Kissing her head, he asked, “Do you want me to clean off my dick and fuck your pussy?”
“No,” she said firmly, wiping her eyes with one hand. “I want you to come in my bum. I’m crazy full, and it's pretty weird, but I definitely want you there.”
“All right,” Snape said in a no-nonsense tone that took Draco back to his days at Hogwarts. “Then I’m going to make you come right now.”
He sounded quite sure of himself, which eased Draco’s mind. Hopefully it eased Hermione's just as much.
“Lucius, hold her leg for me so I can use my hand.”
Lucius sat up and wedged his fingers behind her knee, spreading her open like a book. “Look at me, princess.”
She turned her head and met his eyes.
“You’re doing just fine. Having Snape fuck you is intense. Just try to relax. Breathe slowly. Through your nose.”
While her face was turned, Severus took advantage of her accessibility. The angle was odd, but he cupped her cheek and shifted her so he could reach her lips. Her panting picked back up, but Snape stayed the course, softly snogging her until she went quiet.
Soon, she went beyond calm to pure mush, her whole body limp as a soggy carrot.
Draco took that as his cue to return to Pussytown. She came fastest when she completely let go, and he knew that window of opportunity might slam shut if he didn't act fast. Licking up the sweet shine coating her deepest crevice, Draco headed straight for the jewel at the apex of her folds. He assumed Snape had begun to move, as her body had taken on a thumpy beat that only thrusting could induce.
Snape must have stopped kissing her, because Draco could just make out the low rumble of his voice over the liquid serenade of her sex.
“You’re ours now, little girl. Every inch of you. We’re going to take care of you from now on.”
Hermione sniffled, but Draco couldn’t see her response with his face mashed to her muff.
"Our cream is going to be dripping out of you all night,” Snape purred. “I know how much you love that. It’s the one thing that’s missing when you sit on the naughty stool, isn’t it?”
Draco kept licking, but his brain was sidetracked by the idea of a naughty stool. What was a naughty stool, and where could he get one?
“You love all that cum, don’t you, little girl? I know you do. After spankings, it's what you beg for most. Oh, but we forwent the spankings tonight, didn't we? Did you miss being over my knee? Is that why your pussy’s so anxious? Don’t worry, I’ll give you a nice slow, good-girl spanking tomorrow when you’ve calmed down. Would you like that?”
Her breathy, “Yes, sir,” combined with a brutal shiver made it pretty clear how much she wanted it.
“Tomorrow morning I’ll give your bottomhole a thorough inspection before the spanking, just to make sure everything's all right. And I think Lucius and Draco should be there to . . . assist. They’ll want to be certain you’re recovered too . . . and I know they’ll enjoy witnessing the full examination process. Which do you think will interest them more, seeing you bent over and spread for the rectal testing or hearing you plead for another vaginal probe?”
Her body contracted, abdominals fluttering.
“Mm! Yes, I thought you'd enjoy that. Tell me, is your juicy little pussy leaking all over Draco’s face?”
“Yes, sir.”
The sway of her hips became a buffered bump, which meant Snape was deep inside her, thrusting steadily.
“Good girl. Is this how you like your arse fucked?”
“Yes, sir,” she whimpered.
“I’m going to speed up a bit now. Do you think you can take it?”
“Yes, sir.”
"Eat her pussy like you mean it, Draco. She’s there.”
Draco sealed his lips around her pearl and lapped its swollen head with the flat of his tongue.
“Hold on, little girl.”
The increased pace knocked her into Draco’s face, and he felt a hand bracing the back of his head, but it was far too large to be Hermione’s. Snape? Oh, gods, definitely Snape. His strength brooked no resistance as he pressed Draco to drink from her spring, rubbing his open mouth into her salty, wet heat. Draco’s surprise quickly transformed to lust. He’d never been used as a sex toy before. It was actually rather exciting.
Hermione emitted a brief shout, and her body trembled violently as she found her long lost climax. Their lioness roared in relief, “Uuuuuuuunnnnh!”
Severus growled in reply, and Draco, who was becoming fluent in Snape, deduced that he had just crossed the point of no return.
Throughout their orgasmic duet, Draco didn’t make a sound. He desperately needed air, but since he couldn’t breathe vulva, he was left struggling for oxygen. But he was willing to wait. She had to stop coming sooner or later, didn't she? He’d never heard her wail like that before. She was practically screaming. But any climax that had been building for that long was bound to be excruciatingly powerful. He hoped she survived.
Severus grunted three more times, and Draco knew Snape had met his end. She was going to be in seminal heaven, which between the three of them, was a destination she knew well. Luckily for them, she seemed to love it just as much as Snape had suggested. The only drawback was that, since Draco was the one spooning her all night, come morning, he was also likely to be creamed. But he could live with that. It seemed less disturbing when it was leaking out of her.
Draco’s vision started to get sparkly, but he refused to be the one to break the magic. He’d sooner pass out.
Thankfully, it didn't come to that. She soon stilled, and Severus relaxed his grip on Draco’s head, saving him from death by snatch suffocation. Draco flopped onto his back and stared at the mirrored ceiling as he gasped in a lungful of fresh air. Bloody hell, this is one debauched bunch. The four of them were nothing but a jumble of naked body parts, writhing to a soundtrack of heavy breathing.
Lucius let go of her leg and stroked her flushed cheek. “You’re burning up. I’ll get you some water, love.” He crawled to the end of the bed to get out around the mirrors.
Snape kissed the top of her head and ran his fingers down her neck. “You are hot. I’ll give you some air. Bear down for me.” There was short pause then Snape pressed his palm to her brow. “Hermione?”
Draco looked up. “Is she asleep?”
Snape tapped her cheek. “Hermione!”
There was no response.
Draco sat up, his stomach knotting. “What’s wrong with her?”
Severus held her hip and gently pulled out then rolled her to her back. “Hermione!” His fingers went to her throat to check her pulse. “She’s passed out.”
Lucius came back just then with the water. “Did you say Hermione’s passed out?”
“She’s not answering me, but her pulse is strong.”
Lucius found his wand and waved it at the mirrors, collapsing them and sending them to rest against the wall. “What should we do?”
"Maybe we shouldn’t have tried so much in one night,” Snape muttered to himself. He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb as if he was trying to encourage her circulation. “Do you have any smelling salts?”
Lucius huffed. “No, Aunt Pittypat, I do not have any smelling salts. Why would I? Just Rennervate her.”
“Settle down,” Snape said, reading Lucius’s terse reply as worry rather than snark. “People faint for good reason. It’s best to let her body adjust on its own. I’m sure she’ll wake up any second. Let’s just get her some air.”
Lucius’s face was a mask of sick worry, and Draco knew his own expression was an exact match. The room began to spin. He couldn’t breathe. Seeing Hermione sweaty and unconscious made him want to vomit. He gagged just thinking about it.
“Get me a wet flannel,” Snape said calmly. “Let's cool her down. Perhaps she simply overheated.”
Draco tumbled out of the bed and staggered toward the icy refuge of the bathroom. “I’ll find one.”
He had to get out of there. Fast. The room was closing in around him.
Please be all right.
He just made it to the sink before he began to quietly dry heave, his stomach too pitted and empty to offer up anything more than retching fear.
Crescendo--gradually increasing in force, volume, or loudness.
"Back Door Man" by The Doors. Written by Willie Dixon in 1960 and released by The Doors in 1967. Originally released by Howlin Wolf, the song is considered a blues classic. The Doors recorded a rock version for their debut album.
In Southern culture, the phrase "back-door man" refers to a man having an affair with a married woman, using the back door as an exit before the husband comes home. (But I prefer my bootylicious interpretation.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uk_ilymWo4s
Aunt Pittypat: A character from Gone With the Wind (which, if you recall, they all watched recently) who's prone to the vapors and always has smelling salts on hand.
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