All I Ever Wanted

DISCLAIMER: Warning! I make no claim to any property of J.K. Rowling's, and am in no way profiting by this. I do offer her my sincerest thanks for allowing us this garden of the mind in which we play. Further Warning! This story...and likely any I ever write...are dominated by gay themes and characters. That's how it is, if this in any way makes you uncomfortable...do not read further.

I have returned to the cold and bitter realm of the beta-less. This was the last chapter beta'd by the deft doyenne of HF (Constant Vigilance).


"All I Ever Wanted" chap. 38 'The March To War'


The aftermath of Narcissa Malfoy's funeral left a pall over the whole of Hogwarts. Those who hadn't attended heard of it soon enough from those who had. By silent consensus, not one student made light of Draco's loss. The whole school closed ranks out of respect for one of their own who was suffering.

Dinner in the Great Hall was a quiet and muted affair, and both the boys ate in somber silence. They'd spoken quietly after leaving the Manor, and Draco had been lost in thought ever since, Harry too respectful to intrude with more than a gentle look or a softly held hand when needed.

Evening turned to night, and when Harry readied himself for the journey into the dungeons, Draco stood and sighed, then grabbed his robes. "I'm going. Sitting here isn't doing anything for me. I think the Order meeting might actually cheer me up a bit."

Draco let a sarcastic snort slip out. "You know it's bad when you look forward to something like that! When battle plans and survival tactics look fun, you know it's been a right shit of a week!"

Harry was just happy to hear his lover's voice sounding so sure and normal. "True, love. Maybe one bright side...if we can find someone to help a bit with the translation on that bloody grimoire we might make some progress before Dumbledore gets back. I haven't gotten past the first chapter yet, and even translated, it's nothing I can make use of. Just a lecture on the source of magical energy, nothing on how to use it. I need something I can practice...and soon...there's no telling how long we've got before Voldemort tries something."

"Black-hearted bastard, here's to his going down in flames as soon as possible. Got the Cloak and Map ready, Harry?"

" 'Course...let's see what they've come up with since last time." With that, they were Cloaked and on their way to the dungeons. Dumbledore may not be joining them this time, but there was sure to be a lot to cover this close to the start of open war.

Perhaps a quarter hour's journey saw them into the cavernous depths beneath Hogwarts, watching their steps in the flickering light from their wands. The well-guarded chamber that served as the Order's second headquarters was within view, and the Aurors that stood before the entrance nodded grim greetings as they stepped through.

Minerva McGonagall had assumed temporary command of the Order, with Kingsley Shacklebolt as her second in command. A few last minute arrivals were trickling in still, and Harry led Draco into a crowd of Weasleys.

There were far fewer harsh gazes than Draco had faced the last time. It seemed that his coming in spite of personal loss was thought of quite highly. The Weasleys, however, did not stand on ceremony much, and Draco quickly found himself smothered in affection and hugs by Molly. Her brief tirade included a stern statement about Draco's unhealthy slenderness and a near demand that he report to the Burrow with Harry soon for some decent feeding up. Even the twins had no sharp comments, save for a single kindly warning about their mother.

"There's no helping you now, Draco..." Fred started.

"...once Mum's on about feeding you...you're family," finished George. The twins clapped Draco on the shoulders and sighed in mock sympathy. Heaven spare the skinny boy who tempted Molly Weasley's wrath by avoiding her table!

The outpouring of Weasley kindness was blessedly halted by McGonagall's stern cough, drawing everyone's attention.

"I am sure you are all curious regarding the whereabouts of Albus Dumbledore, so I shall address that first. At present, he has only been able to communicate that he was stalled on the European mainland. Allies of Voldemort are stronger there than anywhere else, save England. He is doing his best to shore up resistance there and return home as soon as possible, but there is no way to gauge how long that task may require his presence. Until then, we must do the best we can to implement our existing plans." Many faces looked a little grimmer at the thought of being without Albus Dumbledore's leadership.

McGonagall continued with a clear and strong voice that belied her own personal doubts and fears. "Each of you shall take some things with you this night. The charms and enchantments have been finished upon some items that all Order members shall need. Those of you who have been designated to respond in certain places in the event of attack, shall receive Portkeys to safe houses we have set up. Healing supplies will be loaded into each site and each team will consist of a designated site keeper and healer, and three combatants who will Portkey back to their site if injured beyond their ability to fight. Additionally, each of you shall receive a charmed talisman that will signal where attacks are reported and allow you to report an attack at your position. Via these, we shall be able to swiftly move personnel to where ever they are needed most."

Harry nodded approval to Draco as they listened. The Order had really gotten its response plan down to a science. It might still be a battle to the death for all involved, but it was nice to know that lots of possibilities were considered and accounted for.

McGonagall continued. "The 'irregulars', or rather I should say our 'allied monsters', have completed training, thanks to Bill and Charlie Weasley, and Hagrid. They will stand ready at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, waiting to counter-attack, while holding that border secure. The limitations on student visits to Hogsmeade shall continue until further notice. Harry Potter...please wait to see me after we're done with tonight's meeting, there are several matters I wish to discuss with you.

Next...everyone assembled tonight shall see Mr. Shacklebolt for your team assignments and Portkey locations. Our next meeting shall include a discussion of specific battle tactics and key spells and counterspells that everyone among us should and must know. The formal portion of this meeting is ended, but I ask that you all wait until I have had a chance to speak to each of you personally. Thank you all!" Then she stepped off the small stand that acted as a stage of sorts, and began to mingle with the crowd, dispensing new orders and specific advice.

Hermione huffed disappointedly, "Really! We need help with the book! Harry needs that knowledge and it's like pulling teeth to get help with it...doesn't anyone else get how important this is!"

Ron broke in, "C'mon, luv, she isn't even here yet...she might well have some help for us yet..and you know it's gotta be hard filling in for Dumbledore as Headmaster AND running the Order. She's pretty well booked as it is. She'll help as soon as she can...I know she will!"

That was enough to pull Harry in, "Ron's right, 'Mione. McGonagall's booked worse than us. Bet she has something for us besides charms and Portkeys. Here she comes!" Harry took Draco's hand in his and waited apprehensively as Minerva McGonagall adjusted her glasses and closed the distance between Harry's little clique and the rest of the crowd.

She immediately passed out Portkeys and talismans to each of them, then offered a rare and nervous smile. "Harry, your progress has been very impressive, both in Occlumency and in exhibiting self control. Your period of detention is over, effective tonight. Likewise, your right to visit Hogsmeade, though I caution you regarding that, until our intelligence suggests it's safer.

I have additional good news for you. Albus' response to my inquiries included a most excellent reference to a much needed, but quite rare, spell of translation. As Ms. Granger excels in charms and enchantments, I shall be instructing her in the use of the spell. Then you may continue the study of the grimoire, but I must caution you not to practice ANY of the techniques within until you report to me on your progress. You shall have to use one of the spell research chambers or perhaps practice outdoors.

The little that the Headmaster was able to share with me suggests that this is a very unstable use of magic. We cannot risk accidents that may harm students. Ms. Granger...see me tomorrow morning after breakfast, I shall instruct you in the essentials then. Harry...do the best you can studying the text without practicing. If you have a practical exercise to test...see me promptly and we shall arrange for a practice chamber that you may use. That is all I have for now. Please excuse me, but I have many more people to see tonight."

Minerva McGonagall hurried off to her next meeting, flustered, tired, and thoroughly wrung out. These times were more trying than any she could recall since Voldemort's original rise to power...and she had been far younger then!

Harry gave Ron a high five. "See! Told you so, 'Mione. Trust Dumbledore to come to the rescue even from across an ocean!"

Hermione looked mollified. "Well, that's more like it. Sometimes I think people forget that, no matter how many of us are in the Order, it's our Harry that's really on the line. They can plan forever, but in the end this is about Harry."

Out of the silent background, Draco's voice was suddenly heard, soft and hoarse, but clear enough. "I've never forgotten it. I can't. Even if I wanted to." All eyes turned to him suddenly. Hermione had the feeling for the first time of having committed a huge faux pas.

"You know she doesn't mean you, love...", Harry squeezed the smaller hand in his gently. "...but she had a good point. Eventually it comes down to me and Voldemort. Everything else is just window dressing for the main event. I appreciate it, though. Better than going it alone from start to finish." Harry leaned in and kissed Draco's cheek.

"I know. She's right, too. Sometimes these people forget that their real job is supposed to be helping you first. Fuck all else! None of it will really matter...but if they make sure you're loaded with spells that will crush the Dark Lord instead of pissing away their time on this other nonsense, things will go a lot better."

Draco didn't seem angry, but he was edgy. Only one thing would truly make him feel calm and safe again...and that was a surefire way to guarantee victory and survival for Harry.

Their conversation dwindled slowly as the crowd slipped away a few at a time. They agreed to gather at Harry and Draco's suite for lunch and study, then attempt some immediate translations on the grimoire. Harry and Draco left among the last, then draped the Cloak around themselves as soon as they were alone, making the last of their journey home in silence.

Sunday would be a busy day. So much that had gone unfinished in the face of Draco's tragic loss needed to be caught up...and soon. Then there was the matter of his father's last wish. A spelled jewel with a special memory to ease his hopeless days and nights in the hell of Azkaban. Draco lacked the skills to create such a thing, his Occlumency training had been strictly basics and essentials...he'd need Harry's help to make that last wish a reality.

Sleep took a long time to find them, tense and fretful, curled together tightly, clinging to each other like lifelines. Draco was still numb from the shock of burying his mother, and maybe he wasn't ready to be hip deep in plans for the Order, but he wouldn't rest any easier knowing that he could have helped some way and didn't. Helping Harry was the only thing that gave him a sense of purpose; some slender thread of hope to cling to for a future.

Perhaps Monday he'd take up his duties again, but tomorrow would be for Harry. The world could wait a day. Tonight...Draco just needed to be in those arms, safe and warm even in a world of ice and danger. When sleep claimed him, he never knew that Harry lay awake hours after, gently brushing away the tears from his restless lover's nightmare-stained cheeks.