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"Why Me?"	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 88152 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make no money off this work of extreme insanity.

Chapter List
- 37
- 38
- 39
Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Love you, woman, you're the best!

With help from Lynn who works with me when it comes to flow, continuity and other issues.

Just a reminder of what's on my profile; reviews complaining or whinging about the lack 'o sex in stories will get deleted. If you want a smut-filled romp, you need to find another story to read.

Chapter 38:

Okay, This Could End Up Interesting!

Snape and the Great Pervert were plotting. At this point, that's all Sirius knew and it had him on edge slightly. Anything which involved Lucius plotting meant nothing good from what he could tell. If Snape was helping, they had to stay on their toes and as alert as they could get until they figured what was up. Remus said he thought he knew the topic and laid it out for him and Harry. While he chuckled at the cursed bit, knowing it wasn't true and the insanity had come from 'normal' sources, he did agree with the getting out part. They had been left alone by Albus for the most part, but it wouldn't last as he plotted whatever when it came to this mess. The preemptive strike of getting out was needed before the barmy old man tried dragging all of them into whatever deranged schemes he was cooking up.
However, there were plenty of spanners in this, such as where they would go, how this would work out and the like. He also understood why Snape and Remus wanted to come along. Their end wasn't really settled yet, honestly, and he completely appreciated not moving in with this version of Voldemort yet. That would—bloody hell, it would be enough to drive anyone completely mental. Remus he could handle, honestly, it was Snape that was the issue. They were doing fine, of course, at least for now, but he wasn't sure it would continue if this nightmare settled. Combine him and Lucius? Yeah, that was a recipe for making him completely fucking nuts.
Once he talked with Remus, he pulled Harry aside and warned him about not only what Lucius wanted to do, but what his oldest friend said. While Harry was still right unnerved by Lucius, he did agree they needed get out. However, Harry tossed out a suggestion neither of them thought about; that wherever they went, the three of them needed their names on the title. While he was sure the bond wouldn't allow Lucius to screw them over without retribution, having the three jointly own the property was for the best and kept them all on equal footing. It was something he was going to bring up, that's for damned sure.
There were a myriad of other issues that were involved as well, not the least of which was Malfoy himself. While the man was calming down, it didn't have him and Harry less on edge over it. He wanted it damned clear and out there that it couldn't continue. Not only was it driving part of the insanity in the house, but making him and Harry mental as well.
Now they just had to wait to see what Malfoy brought up and if he and Snape had some kind of plan for this. While it was all well and good to want to get out, something even he had mentioned, having no plan to do so didn't help a damned thing.

“I see you're more comfortable with Satyr,” Sirius chuckled, grinning a tad. Lucius was holding the sloth with the creature wrapped around him, head resting on his shoulder. In fact, Lucius was doing the whole spoiling thing, feeding him out of an overflowing bowl of fruit and cooing to him. Lucifer didn't seem to take umbrage either. The cat was curled up on Harry's lap, purring away, while his godson petted him. Vlad, of course, was perched on Harry's shoulder as usual, humming away.
“It's just took time,” Lucius told him, giving the sloth some cherries. “He has a soothing presence about him that is rather calming.”
“He always did,” Sirius agreed with a nod of his head. “It's why we liked him so much.”
Then, changing topics, he asked, looking between Lucius and Snape, “What is it you wanted to talk to us about?”
After giving the sloth a pat on the back, Lucius settled back and said, “Severus and I have come to the conclusion we think the house is cursed. With all that's gone on since the bonding, it's added into the insanity. We talked it over and decided the time has come we need to get out before it grows worse. If you factor the Dumbledore issue into the equation, it's rather imperative we do something before we all end up dragged into something worse. You know him, of course. It's coming.”
While Sirius chuckled about the cursed part, hearing Harry do the same, he did nod. “We do need out, I admit this. Do you have a plan to manage this or do we need to come up with something?”
“I do,” Lucius told him, sounding a tad smug, lifting his chin. “We can either relocate to the Manor or one of the other houses I own for the duration. Not only are they far nicer than this hovel, despite the improvements we've made, but just as protected, if not more so. Dumbledore and others can't just take it into their heads to pop in. The fact they can't is enough to help matters tremendously.” Then he explained Severus and Remus coming along and a few other bits, though nothing major.
“I agree there,” Sirius nodded, hearing Remus and Harry do the same. “However, Malfoy Manor is out. If we're going anywhere, it's somewhere we all own so we're on the same footing. It'll make it easier in the long run, Malfoy, for all of us.”
“Understood and I agree,” Lucius admitted, already working over which properties he could easily add them to the title on. It wouldn't take much more than a few rounds of paperwork to do so, a matter easily tended to. “Just give me an idea of what we want and I'll show you portfolios of what I have. We can all choose a place we'd like.”
“Kreacher comes with, though,” Harry tossed out there. As the elf was now something akin to a bodyguard, he wasn't moving anywhere without him. While it might take some convincing, and maybe begging on his part, they'd manage.
“Anything you wish, Harry,” Lucius told him though was less than thrilled to have the psychotic elf around. “We'll make up a list of what we want to take and adjust accordingly as we go along. Also, make one for improvements we want.” With a little smile he added, “The swimming pool and hot tub are something I'll be adding as I find them just as enjoyable as everyone else. The same with the items for Satyr and other areas. Once we decide on an abode, I'll get the elves working on what we want in preparation for moving.”
“I do agree we need out,” Remus nodded. “I would ask the three of you choose somewhere big enough for all of us so we have space apart.” Then, with a sigh, he added, “I'm sure you realize Tom will probably be around as well.”
“We can handle him,” Sirius chuckled, grinning a tad. “As long as we don't have some of the more deranged ones around all the time. We can cause enough chaos that we need no damned help!”
“True,” Lucius agreed, looking amused. “Let me have an elf gather my portfolio then we can decide on a house we find suitable.” He then sent one of the creatures off to do so while he began inquiring what everyone wanted so he could narrow down the options.

After making sure Harry was outside with Remus and the animals, Sirius shut the door to the parlor he arranged to meet Malfoy in. Before this went any further, he wanted some bits out there and clear so they could deal accordingly.
Lucius took a seat on one of the comfortable chairs, Lucifer hopping into his lap. As Black wasn't upset or there hadn't been chaos to handle, he didn't expect this to end up something horrible like a few talks they had. He just didn't know what it might be about. “What did you want to talk about?”
Once he took a seat himself, Sirius launched in. “Us getting out and some changes that need to come. Before I go any further, let me say it's improved, a great deal. It makes me quite happy it has. However, we need more, Malfoy. And most has to come from your end.”
“I'll concede it does,” Lucius nodded, relaxing since he now knew the topic. “What do you have in mind?”
“You need to work with Harry to get him to trust you more,” Sirius told him honestly, looking at the man. “And understand you need to work to catch up to where I am with him.” Then, with a sigh, he added, “Malfoy, you have no idea what Harry's life has been like up to this point. It's not been good. He's been used, treated horridly, not been told the basics of plenty he needs to know and lots of other areas. And sex is one of the big ones. He's flat out embarrassed by some of it because no one, anywhere, has talked to him about it. I'm trying, but it's taking time, something you need to understand.”
“I don't suppose I thought about the situation in such a way,” Lucius admitted, brow furrowed. “I assumed someone would have had that sort of conversation with him at some point, at least the basics.”
“They didn't,” Sirius told him with a shake of his head. “He knows some, mostly what he's picked up in the dorms and from some tame porn they passed around, but that's all. I'm doing what I can, but I don't want to make it worse by pulling out books on the topic. You need to keep this in mind and go slowly with him. I do realize you do need to push, though. The bond is solidifying, we all know that by now. The more the stupidity goes on, the harder this is going to end up. Just go slowly, but try.”
“Let me see what I can manage,” Lucius said, brow furrowed as he thought it over.
“And it's best to do it around me,” Sirius added. “It's more for Harry's comfort than anything else. He's used to me and knows I won't let anything foolish go on. It should relax him, a little anyway. And it'll probably do us, and the bond, good.”
“Yes, that may be the way to proceed here,” Lucius nodded.
“Also realize how much we're going to have to explain to him.” Sirius sighed, shaking his head. “Hell, he doesn't know the basics, let alone the stranger shit.” Then, for the first time, he glared at the Great Pervert and added, “I would prefer not to have to explain it to him either as he would just freak the fuck out, like the references you make about Padfoot. He'll eventually understand, but let it come to him naturally.”
Then he added, so the prat didn't think he was taking after him, “I know you have a thing for that big dick of his. It's obvious, from what I've seen, but keep in mind he has no clue at all how to go about anything. So, unless you want real serious pain, you need to go slow and explain everything to him as you go along, or show him.”
“No idea at all how to tend to such matters?” Lucius asked, eyes wide. When it came out of his mouth, he reached back to rub his backside, envisioning the very unpleasant pain that would accompany someone of Harry's size with no clue how to go about matters. While he liked erotic pain, sometimes to the extreme, what he was envisioning wasn't the kind he would enjoy. No, he wanted to be able to sit right and not have to go to St. Mungos for repairs!
“None,” Sirius told him with a shake of his head. “Malfoy, he snogged someone, once. That's all. He knows the basic mechanics of how to have sex with a woman, nothing more.”
“Yes, we do need to tread cautiously, don't we?” Lucius managed to stammer out, cringing slightly. This conversation put some areas into a whole new light and he would have to go about matters another way.
“We do,” Sirius nodded, trying not to grin at the look of dawning horror as what he said finally sank in. “Let me take the lead and just go slow on your end.”
“I believe we should go about this your way, yes,” Lucius agreed. While he wanted to feel Harry's rather large cock in his arse at some point, and would, he didn't want to feel as though he were being ripped apart either. Yes, lessons in what to do, or tending to prep himself, was in order.
“I do want to add you're finally going about this the right way,” Sirius tossed in there, hoping stroking the man's ego would help drive the point home. “We're progressing and Harry's relaxing. It's what we need. Just keep going about this the way you are and we'll manage. I'll do what I can as well.”
“I can,” Lucius assured him, mind still on the pain aspect of what Sirius described, unable to let it go. He was now sure he would have nightmares about the scenario for several days. It was also a reminder to keep himself under control lest he unleash something he couldn't handle.
“Now, about the houses you're showing us,” Sirius pressed on, changing tracks since the worst was over. “Which one do you suggest? You know them better than we do.”
Focusing on what Sirius said, Lucius began listing the merits of the ones he thought suited them best. While he did, he tried to shove aside the nightmare scenario and not dwell on it. No, it wasn't happening if he had anything to do with it!

Remus, Harry and Severus were seated outside at a table by the pool. While Harry was quietly going through the pictures and descriptions of the houses Lucius had, sipping at a butterbeer, the other two were just relaxing.
After a glance over at the sloth who was just hanging upside down in the tree the elves put in the enclosure they built for him, Severus gave a pleased nod. So far there was no insanity in sight. And, grudgingly, he had to admit, despite what he thought at school, Potter was one to keep to himself and not cause chaos. While he mucked around with Black to have fun, he didn't try going off on 'grand adventures' just because he wanted to. Which was good and it helped his frayed nerves. It also aided in the relaxing.
After reading through the note Albus sent over, Remus shook his head and passed it along to Severus. “We have a meeting next week. Albus says he has some new plans to tend to what's going on.”
“Wonderful,” Severus groused, taking the letter and reading it over. As he dealt with these matters from the Headmaster on a regular basis, he was adept at reading between the lines enough to figure out what might be coming. While he read, his mood turned downwards. Realistically, he knew they would have to deal with Albus soon, it had just ended up lost in the chaos over all that had transpired. Though he was thankful he hadn't been 'summoned' by the barmy old goat in a while, figuring Albus assumed he was trying to keep things under control here.
After translating what was there, he sighed then said, “This sounds like plans to get the Ministry involved again. Pettigrew must have said something to set him off and make him think he can kick the 'war' into high gear.”
“We do not need him doing something like this, Severus,” Remus told him, tone exasperated while he shook his head. “It needs left alone. Tom is doing whatever on his end, though it's nothing to cause a war. We don't need Albus taking it to him and making it explode.”
“Which means we need to plot together how to handle whatever he's come up with then get with the Dark Lord and come up with a plan,” Severus told him, tone determined. No, he didn't want in the middle of this mess.
“We could get the ferrets back and turn them loose in his office,” Harry suggested quietly, grinning as he did. “They would keep him distracted for years.”
“Interesting plan,” Remus chuckled, smiling as he did. “With how Albus is, he might like the chaos, though! You never know with him.”
“Or you could get Draco to tell you what he messed up with that potion then recreate it and dump it in his tea,” Harry chuckled, leaning back.
“That idea has merit,” Severus said, looking amused and interested at the same time. “It would derail plenty until everyone could figure out how to make it stop. If most of the Order wouldn't abandon him over some of what comes out of his mouth.”
“Even for a couple of hours while the meeting was going on could work,” Remus said, sounding distracted as he thought this over. “Sirius and I know the original formula. It would work nicely, Severus.”
“We may employ this,” Severus admitted, liking the idea more as the minutes ticked by. It would at least give them a distraction to hold off whatever scheme he was up to.
“Dump it in everyone's drink and just sit back to enjoy the chaos,” Harry grinned.
“Black is rubbing off on you,” Severus told him, though he was smirking as he did. Yes, he liked this plan, plenty. Let the Order end up in chaos. It would keep them out of the middle for a while and give them the time they needed. “I say we plan for this, Lupin. We'll make sure Black and Lucius know, of course.”
“And to make sure none involved in what's really going on in the house are dosed,” Harry pointed out. “What we know we certainly don't want being blurted out.”
“Oh yes,” Remus nodded. “We'll manage. With Severus' help, we might even be able to tweak it slightly to do other things as well that can aid us. We'll just have to stay cautious of some of what we ask so it doesn't appear it's been planned ahead of time.”
“We'll manage,” Severus said, looking smug, already working on how to go about this plot to where the blame was deflected elsewhere. He just needed the formula from Lupin and Black to see what he could do. Lining the tea pot with it, making sure the dose was concentrated enough to have a powerful impact sounded good to him. As Molly tended to the pouring of the tea and other beverages, it wouldn't look as though they were involved. Then making it delayed reaction after consumption would be perfect for what they needed. Razor sharp mind already working on how to pull this off, he wanted to put this plan into action, more than he cared to admit. There were plenty of areas he wanted to get the old man to spill. Doing it in front of many would be even better!
Shoulders shaking at what they were plotting, Remus shook his head and added, tone amused, “I think we're rubbing off on you, Severus.”
“Perhaps a tad,” Severus conceded with a sigh, though he was smirking. “It can work well for many areas, not the least of which is keeping out of the mental scheming of that old man. Yes, we need to do this.”
“Just get some hair from the psychoferrets to make it go even more wonky,” Harry suggested, shoulders shaking as he grinned. This—oh, he couldn't wait to see the fallout from it! And he was sure Sirius could add even more to the plan to make it better.
“We'll get Black's take on this and see what he adds to the equation then start hammering out how it needs done,” Severus said, smirking bigger. He thought, maybe, a trip to the Dark Lord was in order. After all, the man was plenty deranged and could help them tremendously.
Remus clapped Harry on the back and told him, “Excellent suggestions, Harry! Your dad would be plenty smug over you coming up with some of this. The fallout—yes, we'll be laughing about it, probably for the rest of our lives.”
“And will probably end up needing therapy over some of what's said,” Harry admitted, flushing slightly over the compliment.
“Possibly,” Severus snorted, figuring there were plenty of secrets they would hear that they would never forget. “However, it'll be worth knowing what the old goat is planning for so much. All the knowledge in that area can only help keep us safe from his scheming.”
“Yes, we're planning for this,” Remus said with a vigorous nod. “We'll get Sirius and Lucius involved then see what we can plan out.” Oh, this was more epic than anything the Marauders had ever done and he would enjoy the fallout immensely. It had been many a year since he could do something sneaky and underhanded like this plan since he had the facade of someone respectable to keep up. It would feel good to once more slip into that old cloak. He was also sure that Sirius would feel the same way. They just had to make dead certain they weren't suspected in any of it. With Minerva and Albus around, he was sure their names would come into it. No, they didn't want that happening.
After conjuring a parchment and quill, Severus began having Lupin walk him through the formula for the original version. While he knew part of it because of the 'Draco incident', he wanted it all down. There was much tweaking to do on it and to figure out the best delivery method. It would take time and work. Besides, he was pondering Potter's suggestion of the fur to see how much they could get, out of everyone. One never knew when the embarrassing tidbits of someone's life could help you. Besides, it was one of those areas that helped you get through trying days. After all, someone else's misery was better than focusing on your own!
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"Why Me?"