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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 38
- 39
- 40
LOST AND DAMNED

Can't Stop Holding This Treasure In My Arms

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The moment Harry snapped out of his dream, he jumped out of bed and ran out of the dormitories and through the common room. He was down the first flight of stairs the time his brain caught up with him, but he didn't stop. He let his body carry him where he needed to go. He didn't have his Invisibility Cloak, but he doubted it would have been of much use the way he was running. He was too loud for it to matter and the ends probably would have flown up with the force of his movements, showing his ankles, at least. He didn't care who saw him, as long as no one stopped him. He couldn't stop. He couldn't run fast enough.

All the way there, he saw flashes of what could have been a vision or a very bad dream. Harry wasn't sure which it was. Over and over again he could heard Voldemort's accusing words…He had found out Snape was a spy. He had killed him. He could see the man's tall body falling to the ground, those intense black eyes empty and dead. "No, no, no, no, no," Harry chanted over and over again. His legs and his ribs hurt as he ran and his chest felt like it might burst. He could barely breathe. Every time he felt like he was slowing down, he pushed himself harder. Faster. His anger with Snape from their lesson was gone. He didn't care what Snape said or did, as long as he was alive and well. Maybe he was an arsehole, but he was the arsehole Harry loved.

Harry burst easily into Snape's office and ran around his desk to the wall, muttering any Latin term he could think of under his breath. Snape liked to change his passwords nowadays, to keep Harry out. His heart was racing out of control and he was panting heavily, struggling to breathe, but he didn't stop. He spat out every password he knew Snape had ever used and guessed other Latin terms the man might like that Harry knew. He moved on to other things, anything that Snanpe might like and use. The alcohol Snape liked to drink, the titles of some of the books Harry had seen him read…For five minutes he stood there, close to tears, his voice pleading as he gave out different words and phrases. Finally, with the word "Invictus" (the name of a poem Harry recalled the man reading on several occasions), the door slowly appeared and Harry squirmed anxiously while he waited for it to finish and ran through the door the moment he could. He could feel no relief, nothing but anxiety until he knew for sure…

Through the dark he ran, hissing in pain as his knee hit the coffee table and he stubbed his bare toe against the chair. He ran straight into the wall and moved along it until he felt the door and fumbled around for the doorknob before busting in. "Lumos!" Harry said anxiously, running straight into the side of Snape's bed, gasping in surprise when the light of his wand illuminated Snape, sitting up straight in his bed, the tip of his own wand lit. The man's eyes were wide in shock. "Potter…" he began.

"Thank God," Harry sighed in relief, sinking to his knees by the bed, sucking in deep breaths and finally allowing his body to relax.

"Potter…How did you get in here?" Snape demanded.

"Spent five minutes guessing passwords," Harry panted out, feeling as though his heart might jump right out of his chest if he didn't calm his breathing down soon.

"What are you doing in here? You-"

"I had a dream…That he killed you," Harry explained, gripping the edge of the bed and pulling himself to his feet. He suddenly felt very foolish, his face and neck heating up and he looked away from the man laying in bed. "I…I had…I needed to know that…that you were okay…"

He could feel those dark eyes boring into him and he shifted on his feet nervously. Snape was quiet for a minute before speaking. "As you can see, I'm fine," Snape said quietly.

Harry glanced up at him, swallowing hard at the look in Snape's eyes…Strange and intense. Harry reached out carefully to touch the man, wanting to be sure that he was real and he was fine. Before he could stop himself he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around him. "It could happen…you know. He could find out and he could kill you. And I don't know how I could handle that."

His heart was thudding in his chest and he felt a bit embarrassed by how honest he was being…But Snape knew his feelings and Harry wanted him to know…Needed him to understand just how strong it was. He knew Snape would push him away at any moment, like he had that evening. But Snape surprised him, reaching out and encircling his arms around Harry's waist, pulling him down on top of him and rolling over so that Harry was in the bed on the other side of him.

"I've made it this far, Harry," Snape whispered, holding him close. "I'll be fine."

"Anything could happen," Harry reminded him quietly.

"I know," Snape said. "You could die just as easily as I could. You're the one he's after."

Harry moved closer to Snape, holding him tighter. I could lose you, too, he could almost imagine Snape saying. The way he spoke, that seemed to be exactly what he meant. "You need to stop pushing me away," he whispered.

"You certainly make it difficult," Snape grumbled. "This is wrong, Harry."

"What's wrong is you hurting me and yourself for no real reason," Harry argued, pleased that the man had used his first name, though still half afraid he would be thrown out at any moment.

"There are reasons, Potter," Snape snorted.

"Dumbledore's willing to look past them," Harry told him.

Snape sighed. "He cornered you, too, then?"

Harry laughed quietly, nervously. "You need to stop."

Snape only grunted.

"You were jealous today," Harry pointed out. "You've been driving us both crazy for a long time."

Snape said nothing, but the way he held Harry closer and pulled the blankets out from under him and up around him told him everything he needed to know. Maybe Snape would change his mind in the morning, when he was more awake and had time to think it all over. Harry liked to think, though, that this had finally ended. He snuggled closer to the warm, strong body beside him, inhaling his warm, clean scent happily. He rested his head over Snape's chest, relieved to hear the man's heartbeat, letting himself close his eyes and lose himself entirely.

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It all might have been a very good dream to Severus Snape. It was disappointing, feeling himself waking up and pulled out of another good dream about Harry. He kept his eyes closed, clinging to his steadily fading dream desperately. It was only the sound of snoring that wasn't his that alarmed him and woke him up entirely. Severus's eyes flew open, slowly looking to his left. Harry Potter was laying fast asleep beside him. His hair was even messier than usual, if that was even possible. One hand was resting on Severus's chest and the other arm was resting on the pillow above his head. One leg was draped across Severus's knees and the other was stretched out to the other side. His nightshirt had ridden up a bit, revealing a beautiful expanse of smooth, tan skin of his back and sides that Severus longed to reach out and touch. He could, couldn't he? Harry was fast asleep and he was right there. Why deny himself even more? What was the point in holding onto his morals and keeping up with the rules when he had allowed a sixteen year old boy to sleep in his bed?

It hadn't been a dream, had it? Harry had really come in here, worried that he had died. He recalled the anxiousness and the relief in those green eyes. That fear and that love that touched something deep inside of him. It was hard…so hard to keep denying himself what he wanted the most, and seeing just how deeply Harry seemed to feel for him only drove that temptation deeper and stronger.

He couldn't do this. Severus moved slowly, feeling suddenly empty as Harry's hand and leg dropped off of him and onto the bed. He looked at the boy longingly, wanting so badly to reach out and touch him and hold him close and kiss him and love him and never let him go. It would be too easy for him to move on. Even if Theodore didn't truly want him, even if Harry didn't want him, there would be someone. And Severus would have to watch as Harry moved on and found love elsewhere. He was Harry Bloody Potter…Even when he was gone from Hogwarts, Harry would have his whole life all over the Prophet. He could have him now, Severus told himself. He could keep him here and never let him go and he would never have to worry about having his heart torn out of his chest just thinking of Harry with other men. He could end it all here. He could have him…He could be happy.

Severus shook his head and groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"Snape?"

Severus froze at the sound of the sleepy voice beside him. He felt the bed move beneath him and felt the boy crawl up behind him, strong arms sliding around his middle and the boy's chin resting on his shoulder. Hot breath warmed the side of his neck and Severus tightened his grip in his hair. Warm, soft lips pressed against the side of his neck and Severus sighed, lifting his head. He had to tell Harry to go. He had to stop this. He had to.

Lips moved up to his jaw and his cheek and without thinking he turned his head, allowing the younger man to capture his lips in his own. The touch was soft, hesitant and Severus deepened the kiss. He shifted his body around, turning to face Harry more, holding Harry against him.

The knocking on the door barely registered with them. Severus was only vaguely aware of the knocking. He continued to kiss Harry slowly, deeply, too lost in the feel of it to notice much. It took the knocking to grow louder and to become continuous for Severus to finally snap out of it, clearing his throat as he pulled away and suddenly stood up. "Stay here," Severus ordered. "And shut up."

Severus swept out of his bedroom and through his living room to the door, opening it up to reveal Albus Dumbledore standing there wearing a small smile. "Good morning, Severus."

"Albus," he said, nodding his head.

"Miss Granger and Mr. Longbottom are worried because Harry was not in his bed when he woke up," Albus explained. "Is he here?"

No, Severus almost said, but hesitated. There was no point in lying, not with everything Albus knew and everything he had said. "Yes."

Albus smiled even more. "Good. Very good," Albus said. "You will, of course, need to be careful…But Harry ends up in the infirmary enough for us to have an easy excuse, should he not be seen in his bed now and then."

"Albus, we didn't…I didn't cross that line," Severus explained.

Albus held up his hand. "I have every faith in you, Severus. You do not need to defend yourself to me."

Severus nodded slowly and Albus clapped his hands together. "I will inform his friends that he was in need of a potion…If anyone sees him leaving your office, I am sure you will come up with a decent excuse?"

"Of course," Severus said.

"Good," Albus said. "Breakfast will start soon."

"I'll tell him to get his lazy arse up then," Severus said.

Albus chuckled and shook his head. "Ahh, young love. I will see you soon, Severus."

Severus watched Albus leave until the office door closed and Severus sighed, quietly closing the door to his rooms, glancing towards his bedroom door. He should scream at him and demand he leave. Instead, he sighed heavily and walked back into the room.

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Harry could hardly stop smiling when he finally left Snape's office. He did his best, struggling to relax his face muscles and had to turn his head away from the Slytherins he passed on his way to the staircase. He felt so light, in a far better mood than he could remember being in. Still, after everything he had been through with Snape, he kept expecting the man to hunt him down and tell him off or something…To push him away again. Harry hoped, though, that those days were finally behind them and they could finally just be together.

He was midway to the Great Hall when he was attacked. "HARRY!" he heard and suddenly felt something brush past his side and then found himself with an armful of Hermione Granger. Harry nearly fell over in surprise, but Draco came up on his other side and steadied him. "Graceful, Potter," Draco said sarcastically.

"Hey," Harry said, smiling sheepishly.

"Harry, Dumbledore said you had gone to the infirmary for potions for your head," Hermione said. "But I didn't see you when I went to go find you there," she said, her hands on her hips. "Where the bloody hell were you?"

"Erm," Harry said with a grin, glancing around at the other students filling into the Great Hall. He pulled his friends closer to the wall and spoke quietly. "I spent most of the night in Snape's rooms."

Harry had to wonder for a moment if Hermione and Draco were in engaging in a contest to see whose eyebrows could go higher.

"Spill it, Potter," Draco said. "How was it?"

"We didn't have sex," Harry laughed. "But umm…I was worried…I uh…I had a nightmare that Voldemort killed him. I thought it was a vision so I went to his rooms to make sure he was alive and…He was and…I just stayed."

"Did he know you were there?" Hermione asked.

"Of course!" Harry laughed. "He's a spy, I doubt I could have sneaked in that easily without alerting him, let alone getting into bed with him."

"Oh, well how was it?" Hermione asked with a smile.

"It was…good. He wasn't mad at me and…He held me. Woke up and snogged for a bit," Harry admitted with a grin, scratching the back of his head and he squirmed a bit on his feet.

"Ooh that's so exciting!" Hermione said happily.

"He didn't toss you on your arse, then?" Draco asked.

"So far, so good," Harry said with a shrug. "Still kind of worried, but…I dunno, I think it's…I think it's going to be good now."

"Good!" Hermione said, hugging him happily.

"Finally," Draco agreed. "If he has any doubts, I'm sure Theo's continued seduction attempts will be more than enough to keep him close."

"I hope it doesn't have to come to that," Harry said, shaking his head. He really did not want to be kissed and groped by Theodore Nott again. The only person he wanted kissing and groping him was Severus Snape.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Draco assured him. "After what you told us about last night, I knew it wouldn't be too long before he broke down and gave in."

"I agree. I think it's a good sign," Hermione said warmly. "Now, let's get to breakfast," she said, linking arms with Harry and leading the boys off into the Great Hall.

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Leaving Hermione and Harry at the Gryffindor table, Draco headed over to the Slytherin table. He dared himself to glance up at the Head Table and shot a smile at his godfather, hoping Severus would understand his message. I know, his mind was screaming. Severus narrowed his eyes at him and Draco chuckled. Like Harry, he wasn't sure how long this would last…Though from what Harry had told himself and Granger last night, Draco knew it wouldn't be much longer before Severus finally gave in.

He was happy for them, though. Harry's excitement had been contagious…It would be good for them to finally be together.

Draco had to focus on other things as he approached his House mates, though. He had never disliked being in Slytherin more…There was too much pressure, too many expectations from his classmates. They had all been rather cold to him last year when he began letting himself be seen with Harry Potter and had even been at the Ministry of Magic. At least word seemed to have gotten around that he was working for the Dark Lord now. They all represented too much the things he disliked about his life. He was always playing a role around them these days.

Still, he took a deep breath and pulled his mask back on, smirking as he strutted to the table and sat between Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott. Almost immediately, Blaise leaned in to him. "So, is it true that the Dark Lord gave Theodore orders to seduceHarry Potter."

Draco raised his eyebrow, surprised Blaise knew about it. He doubted it was a job Theodore was exactly bragging about. "Yes, it's true," he replied coolly. "Though you would do well not to spread it around. I doubt the Dark Lord would appreciate his plans becoming public knowledge."

"Of course," Blaise said defensively, as though offended Draco had even suggested such a thing. "You should probably tell Theodore that, though. He was the one snogging Potter for the world to see."

Apparently McGonagall wasn't the only one to see them.

"Did anyone else spot them?" Draco asked.

"No, it was just me and McGonagall. She took points and gave them detention," Blaise explained.

"Good," Draco said with a nod.

"What are you two whispering about?" Pansy demanded from across the table.

"Nothing," Draco informed her. "Not everything is for you to know, Pansy."

"I'm sorry, Draco…You know I don't mean anything by it," Pansy cooed with a flirty little pout.

Draco only nodded stiffly and turned to Theodore when he felt the boy nudge him. Blaise sent them a curious look, but Draco glared at him to keep him from trying to eavesdrop. "What?" Draco whispered, leaning in closer to Theodore.

"I hear Snape's finally gotten somewhere with Potter," Theodore said, voice torn between bitterness and relief.

He frowned, trying to hide his panic. "Where did you hear that?"

Theodore grinned. "I overheard Pot-head telling you and the Mudblood."

"Hmm," Draco said. Theodore msut have been spying on them. The three of them had been sure to look around and keep an eye on the people around them to make sure they weren't being listened to. "Yes, he's making progress, I think. Don't tell me you're jealous."

"Of course not," Theodore said with a grimace. "Though I don't appreciate having my task taken from me. It could do good things for me and my family to succeed in such an important task for the Dark Lord."

"It could," Draco agreed, not wanting to encourage Theodore much.

He didn't have to.

"I won't give up, though…Just in case," Theodore mumbled. "Potter may be a little thick, but even he can't be that blind and stupid to prefer him over me."

Draco could have said a lot about the prick insulting his godfather. But Draco had learned to hold his tongue…Not many people had many nice things to say about Severus, so it was one thing Draco was used to dealing with. "Very true," Draco said with a chuckle. "So what do you have planned next?"

Theodore grinned. "I'm going to put our detention to good use."

Draco raised his eyebrows. "You'll make moves in front of McGonagall."

Theodore shrugged. "I don't see why not. I don't have to snog him again…But should she turn her back or leave the room for any reason, I will put the privacy to good use." The other boy took a sip of his pumpkin juice before continuing. "Homos are just like girls, aren't they? And I know how to get a girl. I just won't enjoy the things I do have to grope so much as I would on a girl, though," Theodore said with a shudder. "Shouldn't be too hard, I imagine."

"You've masturbated enough these past few years, I'm sure you know the basics of what to do with a man," Draco chuckled.

Theodore choked on his pumpkin juice. "Bloody hell, Draco, I don't want to think about it! I'm not even going to be thinking about it when I'm doing it. That's disgusting."

Draco shrugged and smirked to himself. "Who knows. You might not even get that far. What will you do then? If Potter's not as easy as you seem to think?"

"He may be gay, but he's still a guy," Theodore said. "Guys think with their dicks. If not, then my 'homos are girls with dicks' theory will play out nicely enough. I'll apologize for my heinously carnal nature, claim that he is so beautiful I can hardly resist myself, and play some redeemed Prince Charming that will sweep her…ahh I mean him…off of his feet. Easy."

Maybe not as easy as you think, Draco thought to himself, glancing up at the Gryffindor table. Not even Theodore and his slick tongue could worm his way into Harry's heart or his pants. Severus Snape might not be everyone's ideal man, but Draco highly doubted that anyone could compare in Harry's eyes.

Still…Draco made a mental note to speak with Severus about this as soon as possible.

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Lost and Damned