Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Dreams No Mortal Ever Dreamed Before	By : estherkolbe Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 13893 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Everything Harry Potter belongs to J Rowling and I do not wish to infringe on any copyrights. I eanr no money with this story so do not sue.

Chapter List
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39. Space in between

He had returned home the next day but there was a distance between himself and Severus that he felt acutely but was unable to bridge. He no longer touched Harry and they barely talked, the sadness weighing down on them as they tried to cope with the pain.

Whenever he lay in bed a part of him wanted to hide in Severus' arms that promised protection but there was a part that stubbornly blamed Severus for not trying harder to save Lilly. Maybe because there was nobody else to blame because Voldemort was dead.

Sitting on the couch he stared into the dark room feeling empty. His stomach was grumbling but in his childish anger at the body that had rejected Lilly he had stopped eating. Hermione and Ron had tried to comfort him but it did not feel sincere and after a couple of attempts they left him alone.

Nobody else knew about his pregnancy and he did not plan on telling anybody. These days Severus was down in his lab a lot, brewing potion after potion and avoiding to interact with Harry.

Maybe because he blames me the way I blame him.

He had hoped the pain would recede, would dull after some pain but it did not. In a way it was the only emotion he could feel these days anything else- joy, love and everything else was gone.

Severus was out delivering some more potions to Draco's shop and Harry had the impression he was glad to escape from the silence that stretched out between them.

His psychologist had told him it was normal to feel that way, even the unfounded anger he directed at Severus was an attempt to cope, to somehow make sense of what have happened. Still it did not make him feel any better, offering no comfort.

Outside the sun had began to set and suddenly he could not stand this room any longer, needing to be outside, somewhere else. He gripped his jacket and stepped outside the wind cooling his face but not his heart.

Slowly he walked down the alley, now and then peeking at the shop windows until he reached a small café that had opened sometime last year. Not feeling like stepping inside he paused when he recognized Severus who sat at a table and he had company.

Blaise Zabini.

Feeling betrayal and fury he shortly considered storming inside and rip their heads off but then it deflated. What was he expecting? That Severus would endure the silent treatment without turning to somebody else to spend time with? Obviously it had not taken him long to find a replacement but that it was Zabini felt horrible on so many levels.

Turning away he stormed down the alley away from the café, away from the empty house and the pain.

He had no idea where he was, somewhere in London in a run down pub nursing his seventh whiskey. The room began to spin at times but the alcohol dulled the pain while it raised his mood. Nothing was better, his baby dead but it was easier to bear it that way.

Now and then a patron had approached him, trying to start a talk but he ignored them until they left him alone. It hurt that Severus would turn to Zabini of all people. Just thinking about the beautiful slytherin working his charms on his man made him order the eighth whiskey.

True he had been a bastard in the last weeks, ignoring Severus but why Zabini? Everybody else would have been easier to accept but the elder wizard knew about his jealousy, his self doubts and still he picked the first opportunity to cheat on him.

His anger grew with every minute and Harry was glad Severus was not around or he would have ripped his head off, screaming all his frustration into his composed face that gave nothing away about how much he shared his pain or if he blamed Harry.

He had no idea how to bridge the empty room between them, how to tell Severus that he was not angry with him but with his rotten life where nothing ever worked.

It must have been several hours later when the pub owner politely asked him to finish his drink because they would close. Sighing he paid and left the house surprised that the sun was already rising. He had been here longer than anticipated but that was fine with him. Sleep only brought unwanted nightmares and he could do without.

He felt his body screaming in frustration, every bone aching and very soon he would collapse. Knowing that it was inevitable he closed his eyes and with a plop apparated away.

There was a light on in their kitchen window. So Severus was already awake. He had to support his weight with the wall for a moment and then he pulled himself together.

As soon as he opened the door Severus appeared in the door to the kitchen his face murderous.

“Where have you been? You cannot run off without telling anybody where you are! Albus and your friends are currently looking for you.”

Harry shrugged. “I was out.” He wanted to pass Severus on his way to the bedroom when he was held back by his arm. His lover wore a face that would have impressed Harry in Hogwarts but these days it took more to make him cower.

“What is wrong with you?” Severus asked his black eyes blazing. “I respected your need to keep a distance, to cope with our loss but it is as if you are a different person.”

Something inside snapped at this moment. “Why, have you missed me?” When Severus' face darkened in response to Harry's mockery, the young wizard smirked.

“You are drunk,” Severus said tonelessly.

Harry nodded and shrugged. “I did not want to interrupt your date so I went for a drink.”

“Date? What are talking about?” The elder wizard's face showed confusion so sincere that Harry growled.

“Your date with Zabini! Do not deny it, I saw the two of you!”

For a moment they were silent Harry's chest rising and falling with his anger.

“I ran into him in the café and if you had paid attention you would have seen that I sent him on his way.” His eyes flickered with something for a second but then it passed.

He spun around into the direction of the front door and Harry felt as if his heart was breaking.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

Pulling on a cloak Severus turned around his eyes cold as ice.

“Away. We cannot live that way, at least I cannot. You obviously do not trust me, so I will not bother you with my continued presence that is apparently unwanted.”

When he opened the door and stepped outside Harry felt as if somebody had cut out his heart and trampled on it. Now he was truly alone, the thing he feared more than anything else.

I sincerely like Harry but in this story he has to take a lot. Maybe just maybe things are going to look up soon- who knows? Oi, I do and you will have to wait for the next chapter. Tell me what you think!
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