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A World Not Fit To Live In	By : snowblind12 & Lissa Category: Harry Potter > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 78134 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: These characters and the Harry Potter world belong to J K Rowling and her publishers. I make nothing from this story and I own none of it. It is based off the work of JK Rowling.

Chapter List
- 38
- 39
- 40
AN: We were able to post a day early! Epilogue will post on Sunday.
We would like to take a moment to welcome on board our second BETA, Sab81790! She and RaynePhoenix2 will both be helping us going forward! YAY!!!! Lissa and I are so appreciative of their help.
Thanks to all who review!!!
Chapter Thirty-Nine
BETA love – RaynePheonix2 & Sab81790
Hermione woke around five in the morning to find Lucius awake and sitting in front of the hearth with Jupiter at his feet. Crookshanks was curled up behind her knees and stretched languorously when he felt his mistress stir. Having only slept a couple hours, Hermione groggily slid out of bed, surprised to see Lucius still dressed in his betrothal robes from the night before. She pulled on her robe and walked over to him. The dark circles under red eyes that greeted her tore at her heart as the flashes of vivid memories from the night before made her feel ill.
It was hard to believe everything that had happened was real. It seemed like something from a dream, and yet, something from a nightmare as well.
Lucius’ eyes had fluttered open right after she had dashed to his side. Her tear laden lashes must have spelled defeat because he had simply said, “Use the Portkey. Go!”
Hermione had shaken her head as more tears fell, unable to find the necessary words. How could she say them? How could she tell him that Draco was gone?
Lucius had pushed himself up to a seating position and looked about the room, his frown slowly turning into a beaming smile as he saw Charlie and Lupin walking around and a very dead Voldemort not twenty feet away.
When he had looked back at her though, something had clicked. She saw the panic in his eyes. “What is it?” he had asked with an urgent voice.
“I’m so sorry, Lucius. I’m so –”
Her words were interrupted when Severus had appeared at their side as well. “Lucius, there was nothing to be done. I tried…but it struck his chest deeply. There was just…”
A panicked look overtook Lucius’ face as he pushed himself to stand and called out, “Draco!” not letting his friend finish speaking.
Hermione and Severus had looked at each other, her eyes conveying that she had not told Lucius yet. Severus had sighed in understanding and they both stood to see Lucius frozen, his focus glued to the vision of his dead son being cradled by a sobbing Pansy.
He had not cried or wailed or made any sort of display. He had merely walked over to his son and knelt beside him, taking Draco’s hand and holding it for two hours until the authorities finally took Draco’s body away. He had then answered some questions and spoken to a few people, including a very upset Trelawney, before leaving the authorities to their investigation and taking Hermione upstairs.
Focusing back on the present, she felt sick for the grief he was going through and nestled close to him on the sofa, resting her head on his shoulder. “You were right about Draco all along, Lucius. He wasn’t the monster I thought he was. He died to save me and his son. I’m sorry I didn’t –”
Lucius wrapped his arm around her, not letting her finish. “We need to talk,” he said with obvious exhaustion and a hint of resignation in his voice.
“Lucius, you need to rest. We can talk later. Let me have Bilby bring you some chamomile tea. We can talk after you’ve had a proper sleep.”
Lucius rubbed his eyes with his left hand as his right arm maintained its tight hold of her. “No. We need to talk now, before the Aurors come for me. I’m sure it won’t be long.”
“They can ask their questions when you’ve slept and there is no reason for you to have to leave the Manor!”
“Hermione, I am a Death Eater. Their interrogation will cover years of my service to the Dark Lord and I’m certain I will be arrested.”
Hermione scoffed. “First off, call him Tom Riddle; a proper Muggle name for the half-blood he is. He is not and never was a Lord!” Her voice rose in frustration. “And second, you have more than made up for any mistakes from your past. Your assistance recruiting Death Eaters as well as Ravana and Bonificio were key to our victory last night. It’s because of your help that that monster was destroyed, and his regime was left in shambles.”
“Be that as it may, I am guilty of… many things. I may have helped bring him down, but I also helped him achieve power upon his return. Suffice to say, I will be in Azkaban for many years, I’m quite certain.”
Hermione stared up at him. Why had she not really thought about any of this? She knew Lucius as a good man; a man who protected her and loved her. A man who turned his back on the brainwashed rhetoric he had been spouting his entire life. He had changed. He helped the resistance. He deserved to be free!
The more she thought about it, however, the more she realized how correct he was. A sense of desperation clawed at her chest at the thought of losing him. She immediately climbed onto his lap and wrapped her arms around him. “I don’t want to lose you, especially now that we are finally free!”
Her whispered words tickled the sensitive skin on his neck. Her tight hold of him was a cocoon he wished he could hide in forever. He closed his eyes, relishing this moment – forcing it to memory.
After a second, he pulled her arms from around his neck so that he could take them into his hands. “Hermione…listen to me.”
He smiled sadly and Hermione felt a tightening in her chest. She could tell that whatever he was about to say would break her heart.
Lucius swallowed and forced the words out. “I love you, kitten. You entered my life in a whirlwind and turned it upside down. You enabled me to be the man I always wanted to be, I just didn’t know it.
“Draco said that you ‘nestle your way into a man’s heart and don’t leave despite how many evictions notices are sent.’” Lucius chuckled. “He was so right. I fought it, you know. I resisted falling in love with you. I was a fool. I was too thickheaded to realize you had been burrowing your way in there like a determined Hufflepuff since that very first night and I never stood a chance.”
Hermione’s eyes glistened as she waited for the ‘but’ that she knew was coming.
“But,” he added quietly causing her eyes to close in resignation, “it’s time for you to get away from me. You’ve been trapped in this house as a bonded victim for months. I have been your lover, but I have also been your protector in a very hostile and volatile environment. That’s a very seductive thing for a young woman and it played no small part in your attachment to me, I’m sure. Some distance will help you clear your –”
“Lucius, please don’t think that –”
“Let me finish, love. This isn’t easy.”
When she didn’t say anything, he continued. “Regardless of whether I end up in Azkaban or not, your place is not here, Hermione. Your friends need you and you need them. Your mother will require your help getting reestablished in her new life as a single woman. She has a lot of grief she still has to work through as well, and you should be there for each other. In short, you need separation from me so that you can move on with your life. Once you get away, I think you will find your feelings for me are not so cut and dry.”
“You’re ending things, aren’t you? You’re pushing me away.”
“Hermione, I love you and it’s because of how much I care about your happiness and well-being that I am encouraging you to move on from me. It is highly unlikely that I will be around anyway, and I don’t want you waiting for me as I rot in prison. I am prepared to lie in the bed I have made for myself. You, however, have a bright and wonderful future ahead of you.”
He splayed a hand caressingly across her torso. “You are carrying my grandson in your womb – the Malfoy heir.” The feeling of his hand felt very intimate and made her blood boil even as her heart felt raw. “He is the only living connection to Draco and he will never want for anything. Financially, you and he have the security of the Malfoy vaults to support you for the rest of your lives. I already contacted my solicitor this morning and notified Gringotts. You will have to sign some parchments and have your wand keyed to the vaults, but my solicitor will help you with all of that if I am unable. In short, you are Hermione Malfoy and this Manor and its entitlements are ultimately yours should anything happen to me. You will have unrestricted access to the property and its contents in my absence. The elves will remain and will keep things in order. Your father’s grave can be moved if you do not wish for it to remain here.”
“What if you are wrong, Lucius. What if you do not go to Azkaban?”
He smiled indulgently. Her innocence still amazed him sometimes, especially in light of everything she had been through. “In the unlikely event that I am not imprisoned, I will still reside here and continue to run the estate and live my life. I will go to work every day and try to pay my debt to society.” He swallowed heavily. “I will try to be a man my son would be proud o –” His voice suddenly broke and a sob escaped him. He turned his head and wiped his eyes, his composure returning almost as quickly as it had left him.
Hermione’s eyes welled instantly. She couldn’t bear to see him hurting. She swallowed down her own ping of loss for her unborn son’s father. A father who had not been a monster after all, but really a victim of the worst kind.
Lucius’ eyes were back on hers. His thumb swiped the tear that had dropped on her right cheek. He grabbed her hands and kissed her right palm and then the other. “I will be your biggest supporter in all things and will always be here for you. You will forever have a home here should you desire it. First, however, you need to get out there and start… your… life.”
Hermione knew that what he said was the truth. She knew she had emotional and mental wounds and scars that ran as deep as her physical ones. She would likely need counseling to work through it all. Her feelings for Draco were very complicated and confusing before he died to save her. She didn’t even know where to begin with dissecting them now.
The one thing she was sure of, however, was that she loved Lucius. This she was certain of. He was implying she had some sort of Stockholm Syndrome, which just wasn’t true.
But she was coming to realize that Lucius had his own crosses to bear and she was acutely aware that the very words he said to her could be turned right back around and be applied to him as well. They had come to love each under extraordinary circumstances and, as the rubble and dust were cleared, it was very possible his feelings for her could change.
The thought left her stomach on the floor. She did not want to leave him, she did not want to lose him, but he was right. They needed to let each other go, at least for a while. He had the death of his son to work through. Hermione knew he was still numb and had hardly scratched the surface of his grief.
“Lucius, I will do as you are asking…for both of us. You need time for yourself as much as I do. I want to make something crystal clear, though. I love you with all of my heart. Our relationship may have been born from something grotesque and unnatural – and it may have been forged under unusual circumstances – but that doesn’t make it any less real. My heart doesn’t have an asterisk next to it clarifying the circumstances under which it was stolen. It was taken by you and is yours, no matter the reasons or the means that it got there.”
Lucius took her face in his hands and brushed his fingers lightly over the tears she hadn’t even realized she had let fall. “I don’t deserve you, Hermione and I fear you will agree with me much sooner than you realize.”
Two weeks later – mid November
So much had happened since then. With the death of Voldemort and the capturing of most of his Death Eaters (not all had been at the wedding), Imperiused Ministry workers were freed from their mental bonds. Other Ministry workers who had willingly been in Voldemort’s pocket were quickly apprehended when the previously Imperiused started talking and names were revealed. The betrayal ran deep, and every department had been infiltrated if not at the top, then close. Even the new Minister himself, Pius Thicknesse, had been a supporter and a puppet of Tom Riddle.
Captives had been apprehended as well. A hysterical Lizzie Williams was reunited with her family when Thorfinn Rowle was arrested despite her speaking out on his behalf. The minute Alecto Carrow was killed, George had been freed of his bond and promptly Apparated from her poorly warded estate to the Burrow. Neville was currently in St. Mungo’s being treated by newly consulted Mind Healers, Etan and Rose Browne, who were making huge headway in not only treating Neville, but his parents as well.
Hermione had still been at the Manor when the Aurors had arrived for Lucius. It went just as he had predicted. Not only was he taken away, but he had not been home since. He was considered a flight risk and would have to stand trial for his crimes before he would be released – if he were released.
Severus Snape was the only Death Eater who was not charged. The testimony of Harry as well as numerous others, on top of the pensieve memories, were more than enough evidence to absolve him of any charges. It was also well known within the Order that as soon as he had been healthy enough after the Hogwarts battle, Snape had gone to the only person he knew was still alive and who might have ties to the Order of the Phoenix – Andromeda Tonks. She in turn connected him with Remus Lupin.
Snape had been quick to assist with reforming the Order of the Phoenix and providing it the intelligence it needed to succeed. Hermione would not be surprised if Severus Snape ended up a war hero. He already was in her book.
Ginny was still living with Severus and made it perfectly clear to all that she was eternally Mrs. Severus Snape and would be at her husband’s side in all things. Hermione couldn’t help but feel envious of her redheaded friend. Lucius should be free as well, and they should be together! Snape wasn’t pushing Ginny away as Lucius had done to Hermione, either.
It was Sybill Trelawney who seemed to be the only one slightly put out by Tom Riddle’s demise. She had relished being taken seriously and had been seduced by his belief in her. As much as Hermione thought Trelawney was a fraud, she didn’t think the woman was hateful or believed in any of the Pureblood rhetoric. She was just a lonely drunk who finally had someone take an interest in her. Even Hermione could understand the allure of such a thing. Trelawney had been a mess when she arrived at the Manor in her lacey white gown, expecting to be married within minutes, and instead finding a Ballroom full of injured and dead witches and wizards. To her credit, she rolled up her sleeves and assisted where she could. When Lucius had regained consciousness, he had politely informed her the wedding was off. This news had not taken Sybill by surprise, but it was rather obvious she was disappointed.
The Death Eaters who had aided the resistance were fortunate insofar as they were being afforded swift and timely hearings. This was evidenced by Hermione standing outside of chamber three of the Wizengamot just shy of two weeks from Lucius’ arrest date. She was a bit of an emotional wreck because the man she loved was currently on the stand. To add to her misery, she was not only being called to testify for the defense, but for the prosecution as well.
Her hands cradled her now protruding baby belly as the flutters in her stomach threatened to force up the meager amount of tea she had managed to keep down that morning.
“You look rather green, ‘Mione. Are you okay?” Harry asked with no small amount of concern on his face.
Hermione’s heart was pounding. She had not seen Lucius since the day he was arrested, and she couldn’t stand that she would have to testify for the prosecution. She wrung her hands nervously as she continued to pace. “I don’t know, Harry. I can’t bear the thought of him being sent to Azkaban. He doesn’t deserve that.”
Harry didn’t say anything. It’s not that he felt Lucius should be locked up for good, but he felt some sort of punishment was in order. He had made the mistake of letting his opinion be known once before and it had led to a monstrous row between them. While Harry appreciated what Lucius had done in the final weeks of the war, he didn’t think it made up for the many years’ worth of crimes he had committed, not the least of which was putting that diary in Ginny’s cauldron of books all those years ago.
He had also accused Lucius of Draco’s death; which Hermione had almost literally combusted over in her anger. Harry had touted the reasons for Draco’s downfall falling directly on his upbringing. When Hermione had come back swinging and screaming of all the things Lucius had endured with his own childhood, she had brought Harry up short.
She had screamed at him about how heartbroken Lucius was over the loss of his son before breaking down and telling Harry everything she knew of Lucius’ past from not only Lucius, but Willow and Narcissa’s portraits as well. Hermione had told Harry about how Abraxas had been a bigger monster than Lucius could ever be. How Lucius was raised on nonexistent affection and cruelty from his father and had only turned out as well as he had because the lessons from his soft-hearted mother had been more than enough to make him a better man than Abraxas Malfoy.
She told him how Abraxas had been a first-generation Death Eater and, after he murdered Willow, he had brought Lucius into the fold. Yes, Lucius had wanted to be there…but he’d gone through a tremendous growth in character since his fall from grace after what happened at the Department of Mysteries during their fifth year. Not to mention his incredible change of long-held beliefs after Narcissa had been executed and Hermione had found her way into his life.
Her anger had softened when she had turned her attention to discussing what had happened to Draco. Telling Harry that, yes, Draco’s Mark had been forced upon him, but not by Lucius. Lucius had been in Azkaban when Draco had been given his assignment to assassinate Dumbledore and had been held down while Voldemort had Marked him against his will and his mother’s wishes. She had concluded that the only two people responsible for Draco’s death were Voldemort and Dolohov.
Coming back to herself, Hermione rolled her eyes. She knew what her best friend was thinking. “Lucius saved my life many times over, Harry,” she reminded him. “He protected me from a cursed and crazed Draco who might have killed me many times over.”
Harry sighed. “Just tell the truth, that’s all you can do. Leave the rest to the Wizengamot.”
She didn’t have to long to wait and felt her knees weaken when the door opened, and the court clerk announced. “Mrs. Malfoy, we are ready for you.”
His hearing lasted an entire day and the Wizengamot deliberated for two additional days before his sentence was determined.
“I don’t understand why you are being so difficult about this, Lucius?” Hermione asked with a lost look on her face as they stood in his cell under the Ministry.
Lucius paced and ran his hands through his hair. “Not this way. I wanted my freedom, but not like this.” He stopped and stared at her with determined and tired eyes. “You do not need this burden Hermione. They should just let me do the twenty years in Azkaban.”
“You don’t deserve prison, Lucius! Twenty years probation under house arrest is so much better than what I feared! What you feared!”
Lucius shook his head adamantly. “No, not if it means you have to give up your future and basically be imprisoned with me at the Manor as my guardian and keeper!”
“I will not be imprisoned, I am able to come and go as I please. I am merely being asked to share a home with you.” Hermione watched him pace. Why didn’t he understand? “You are not a burden, Lucius. I am not giving up my future. I will do as you said. I will live my life. The Manor is huge. We don’t have to see each other any more than we choose!” She stared at him as he continued his agitated pacing. “Besides, it’s not like we have a choice. You can only be released under house arrest if a family member will agree to live with you, you can’t live alone. Like it or not, I am your only living relative!”
Lucius let out an angry growl. “Yes, my daughter-in-law. Not my wife. Am I to be tormented living under the same roof as you and not be allowed to touch you? To spend time with you? No! This is a greater hell than I can bear.”
Hermione was getting tired of his unreasonable display. She rested her hands on her hips. “Lucius you are being a drama queen. Might I remind you that you are the one who ended things with me. This was your choice, not mine!”
He froze and shot her a contemptuous glare. After a minute, he straightened his back and shoulders and pulled himself up into the refined and formal man that he presented to the public. “Fine. I will have the east wing modified for you. You will have your own set of suites and guest suites. Your own study as well. We will use the house elves to make sure we do not enter the common areas at the same time. The parlor is yours, I have no need of it.” He paused, “When my grandson comes…we will make other arrangements.”
Hermione shook her head and walked towards him. “You are a ridiculous man sometimes, Lucius. But fine, we will do it your way if you will stop your complaining.” She shook her head in bewilderment as her soft brown eyes met his determined and hard ones. “We will see each other as little as possible, no matter how much it breaks both of our hearts.”
Six weeks later – January 2^nd
Hermione arrived for dinner at Hogwarts at precisely six o’clock. Ginny met her at the gates, both of them bundled in their winter robes so that they could enjoy the fresh air of their arm-in-arm stroll up to the castle.
“Godric, Ginny! You’re huge!” Hermione teased. Hermione was about five months pregnant and was definitely showing. Ginny, however, was already starting to waddle despite only being a week ahead in her pregnancy. She had not seen Ginny in a few weeks – not since Draco’s funeral at the Malfoy plot on the Manor grounds.
“I know, don’t remind me. The other students give me such a wide berth in the corridors. It’s like they are afraid I’m going to blow any minute.”
Hermione laughed. “I imagine it has more to do with fear of your husband and his wrath should anyone touch you or get in your way.”
Ginny shrugged, “Yeah, there’s that I suppose.” She smiled villainously. “He’s so easy to rile these days. You would think that with the war over he would relax and chill a bit, but he’s the same intimidating bastard he has always been.”
“Ginny!”
“Hey, he’s my intimidating bastard, so I can say that!” She sighed and a dreamy look came over her face. “And he’s so sexy when he gets ornery and grumpy.”
“Ginny, I think maybe you are the one who should be in therapy, not me!”
“Well, unless he’s upset with me, of course. That’s a whole different thing. But that’s rare, really.”
Hermione shook her head in disbelief. “A teasing Snape I can handle, but pissy Snape is a whole other quidditch match.”
Ginny grinned. “He comes in all grouchy and sits at his desk, scattering parchments and cursing dunderheads left and right.” Ginny tossed Hermione a conspiratorial glance. “I just unbutton a couple buttons from the top of my blouse so he can sneak a peak at my boobs, which are the size of pumpkins these days, and ask him what’s bothering him. A little sway to my hips, as I walk around his desk, followed by a kiss to his cheek usually seals the deal.” She snapped her fingers. “Bam, I’m bent over his desk in submissive bliss within seconds.”
Hermione had to admit that was kind of hot, only she imagined an entirely different wizard altogether.
They opened the main doors and walked into the warmth of the castle and Hermione instantly felt herself relax. Just the smell of the entrance foyer made her feel like she was home. They headed up the stairs towards the Headmaster’s quarters. “So… spill, Hermione. How are things going? How is Lucius?”
Hermione made a face. “Well, its much better than it was six weeks ago. We don’t walk around on eggshells trying to avoid each other anymore. My heart still feels like it’s going to pound out my chest when I see him, though.”
They turned to walk down another corridor. “His assigned probation officer comes around once a week to check on him. I have to be there for their sessions as well. They are forcing Lucius into counseling. It’s part of the rehabilitation piece of his probation.
“As much as he hummed and hawed about it at first, he now admits that it’s helping him. He doesn’t talk to me about it, of course. But he talks to his probation officer in front of me, so I hear it that way. I think he wants me to know how it’s going but doesn’t want to sit down and spend one on one time with me. I guess he’s right, I don’t really trust myself to be alone with him. Anyway, he says the therapy is helping him with the guilt and loss he feels. He is kicking himself for not consulting Etan and Rose much earlier, you see. He also harbors some guilt over Narcissa, although for what he didn’t say. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me about his relationship with her. I’m not sure.”
“What about you? Have you started therapy yet?”
Hermione nodded. “Yes, just two weeks ago. We really just started talking about the war during the last session. Prior to that, she asked me tons of questions about my childhood and growing up the best friend of Harry Potter. We seem to be systematically working our way through my life.”
“Well, I’m sure it will help in the long run. It’s definitively helped me,” the redhead added. “Dealing with the death of Mom, Dad, Percy, and Ron hasn’t been easy and I was suppressing too many feelings. I am working through them, though, and am also facing my guilt over breaking Harry’s heart.”
Hermione wrapped her arms around Ginny’s shoulders and pulled her into a hug. “Harry understands, Ginny. He forgave you quite a while ago and I think it’s time you forgave yourself as well. You thought he was dead for Merlin’s sake. We all did! Not even Snape knew he was alive right away.”
When they walked into the Headmaster’s apartment, Snape stood and greeted Hermione formally.
“Mrs. Malfoy, it’s…nice to see you again.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Headmaster. I drive you batty and you’ve dreaded this all day. I’m sure you have a wonderful repertoire of insults you are itching to try out on me tonight.”
Snape couldn’t help the twitch of his mouth as he tried not to smile. With that, Hermione’s mouth broke into a wide toothy grin and she threw her arms around his middle. “I’ve missed you, you blast ended skrewt.”
“Hmm, I find I’ve enjoyed our separation. The histrionics of one pregnant witch is all I can take.”
“Hey!” Ginny playfully scolded.
The floo roared to life in that moment and a smiling Minerva McGonagall came bounding through.
“Hermione!” She practically sing-songed as she pulled her favorite former pupil into a bone-crushing hug.
“What are you doing here, woman? You know I can’t bear the sight of you right now.” Snape snapped at the new arrival.
“Oh pish, Severus. Your wife invited me to join you this evening. You’ll just have to tolerate three lionesses at your table tonight.”
Hermione didn’t miss the assessing glance Severus threw at Ginny with a hint of something to come. The furious blush on Ginny’s cheeks gave Hermione an idea of just what that something might be.
Ginny elbowed Hermione lightly and whispered, “See what I mean? Very easy to rile. He’s going to be delicious tonight!”
Hermione looked doubtful. Ginny was playing with fire as far as she was concerned.
“So why is the Headmaster upset with you, Minerva?” Hermione asked as she cut her eyes to see the man in question rolling his eyes.
“He keeps asking me to be Headmistress and I keep refusing. He’s very good at it, you know.”
“Here, here.” Dumbledore’s portrait cheered from Hermione’s right.
“Professor Dumbledore!” Hermione greeted with a warm smile.
“What, no greeting for me?” Phineas Black crooned from another portrait in the corner.
“Hello, Phineas. Sorry, I didn’t notice you over there. I hope the current Headmaster isn’t letting you grow too bored. I know you enjoyed playing spy all those months ago.”
“Phineas wouldn’t let me grow bored if his very existence harbored on it. He’s a terrible pain in the –”
“Why don’t we all sit down,” Ginny interrupted. Hermione and Minerva exchanged surprised glances at Snape’s lack of reaction to being corralled by his young wife.
The evening progressed with discussions of the revamped curriculum in the school as well as new socials that were being held two Saturdays a month between the four houses. Hufflepuff and Gryffindor had had one just before the holidays and Slytherin and Ravenclaw would be having one upon the student’s return.
Hogwarts was reopening the doors to Muggleborns and were requiring all pure and half-bloods to take a new and improved Muggle studies curriculum while all Muggle-borns would be required to take a class on wizarding etiquette and traditions. Starting in fourth year, their classes would be combined, and they would be assigned projects that would require them to problem solve together.
Hermione was impressed with the changes Severus and Minerva were working hard on implementing.
“Perhaps, Hermione, you could be impressed upon to take up a teaching role as the new Muggle Studies professor?” Minerva asked.
Hermione looked at Snape to find he wasn’t scowling and harbored no surprise at this suggestion. It was clear this was not the first time he was hearing this.
She cocked a brow at the onyx-eyed man who in this moment was giving nothing away. “You are on board with this? Seeing me? Daily? In staff meetings? In the halls? At meals?”
With each accented question, Snape seemed to cringe a little more and Hermione couldn’t help but laugh. “Hmm, for the sheer opportunity to get on your last nerve, I just might take this position.”
After a moment of silence, Hermione looked at Severus seriously. “Why? Why would you want me in this role, Severus?”
Snape assessed her for a minute. “It would be very good for Pureblood children to be brought to heel by a confident and powerful Muggleborn such as yourself, Hermione. No one tested as highly as you on that MPS scale other than Riddle. You are proof that the notion of Pureblood magical supremacy is absolute hogwash.” He seemed to give her a conspiratorial smirk. “I would expect occasional demonstrations of that wickedly powerful magic of yours to remind the little scoundrels of that fact.
“In short, there is still a tremendous amount of prejudice against Muggle-borns in our society. The masses may not have supported Voldemort’s ways, but that does not mean they didn’t support his propaganda. Young minds are where we begin with turning the tide, so to speak. We have no control over the tripe that is spouted in their homes, but we can certainly teach them the truth here at Hogwarts.”
Hermione had not expected this. Not in a million years. “Let me think about it, Headmaster.” She looked at McGonagall. “It’s a lot to consider.”
Minerva patted Hermione’s knee. “Yes, it is, my dear.” She pushed herself up. “Well, it’s late and I must get to bed. I will bid you each a good night.”
Hermione stood to hug the deputy headmistress and watched her floo away before turning to her hosts. “I need to get back to the Manor. It’s late and, even though he doesn’t really talk to me, he waits up for me when I go out.”
Severus’ eyes dimmed just a bit. “Yes, there is no punishment inflicted on that man that is greater than the penance he has placed on himself.”
Hermione nodded sadly.
“Use the floo, Hermione. It’s too cold to venture outside and Apparate,” Snape added.
Hermione smiled at them both. “Thank you. Thank you for a lovely evening.” She looked up at Severus. “I’ll let you know about the job. I’m flattered to have been considered, much less offered the position.”
Snape nodded formally and Hermione smirked in return. “There you go again. You can’t help it can you?”
“Okay, off you go,” Ginny said as she hurriedly walked Hermione towards the floo. “I have a wonderful spanking coming my way.”
Hermione laughed and just as she stepped into the floo, she heard Snape admonish, “Ginevra, what did I say about topping from the bottom?”
Four Months Later – May 2nd
“Ahh, you’re as good as Ron at this. I wish you could have played him,” Hermione pronounced as her last viable player on the chess board collapsed with a sword penetrating his chest.
Lucius beamed with his victory. “Draco could never beat me. Severus has only defeated me twice.”
“Hmpf. Well, I shall resist the torture of ever playing you again, then.” Hermione teased.
Hermione watched the long and graceful fingers of the man she still loved as he put away the chess set. She sipped her sparkling water and held her breath as another cramp hit her lower back.
It had taken time, but she and Lucius had managed to become friends. They would spend a couple hours over the course of a week together doing various things. It wasn’t easy and there were constant struggles to stop herself from reaching out and touching him or merely jumping into his arms. Merlin knew she wanted to, but he had not made any inclination of feeling the same way. He was still very reserved and formal with her most of the time, but the therapy had helped him finally forgive himself and realize he was worthy of her friendship. She wanted more but did not mention it. She would take what she could get, she didn’t want to push him. Not yet.
Her therapist kept telling her that she needed to give everything more time and that she should get out more. She was already volunteering five days a week; two days at the war orphanage and three at the ‘Outreach for Literacy’ clinic at a Muggle library in London. What more did her therapist want from her?
She loved both projects. The orphanage was full to capacity due to the many deaths from both sides of the war. She loved spending time with the children whether it was to read to them, or help them with arts and crafts, or just simply listen to what they had to say. She had been amazed by some of the words that came out of their mouths. Children were much more aware and insightful than adults gave them credit for sometimes. Then there were the quiet ones; the ones she liked to coax out of their shells. The good news was that the children were being placed in good homes and it wouldn’t be long until the orphanage was no longer needed.
The Muggle literacy program was enjoyable as well. She loved helping children and adults alike learn to read and write and she liked being around Muggles. She would not abandon that piece of her heritage and genetic makeup.
Of course, her therapist was mainly referring to her getting out socially. Hermione just didn’t feel like going out to pubs and dating and doing the things that young women her age normally did. Besides, what was she going to do? Go out bar hopping? One look at her huge belly made others her age very uncomfortable. If they knew her story, it was even worse. She was one of those ‘bonded Death Eater slaves’, which she would hear whispered or read on the lips of those around her. They would look at her with pity and step away as though she were contagious.
And the support groups? Those were even worse. There was the ‘Survivors Guilt’ group on Mondays and the ‘Rape Abuse Network’ (or RAN as it was commonly called) that met on Tuesdays. Then there was ‘Feels for Heals’, (a group about getting in touch with your true feelings and embracing them) that met on Saturdays in Diagon Park.
It’s not that the groups weren’t helpful, because they were in the beginning, but after a few weeks it had grown tiresome and she didn’t feel the need to talk through it all ad nauseum or hear others do the same. She already had a therapist. It was nice to see Luna and Lavender and some of the other familiar faces who attended some of the meetings, however. Even George had come to a few.
Besides seeing her mother regularly, she had been spending a lot of time with Harry. He was her rock and she loved helping him remodel and decorate Grimmauld Place. It was a project they enjoyed that pulled their thoughts away from the war. It felt good to take something dark and cold and make it bright and warm. They ate dinner together most nights and were practically glued at the hip when he wasn’t at Auror training and she wasn’t volunteering.
However, things were changing in their relationship, as well. Just a couple weeks prior Harry had guiltily informed her that he had a date. Hermione had scolded him for being silly but, underneath it all, she did feel a touch of betrayal. Wasn’t her friendship and the friendship of others they socialized with enough? George and Fred? Lupin and Teddy? Did he really need a girlfriend when he had her? No, theirs wasn’t a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship or anything like that, but that piece of her, that sexual creature that she had become, was gone. She just didn’t have those impulses anymore. Why couldn’t Harry feel the same?
It was then that she realized that maybe her therapist was right. Maybe she did need to make more of an effort to socialize and make friends, even if she didn’t feel like going on dates. Maybe she was becoming frigid and closed off. No part of her should secretly want to hold Harry back from having a girlfriend. She knew she was becoming far too dependent on him, it was just that dating was simply not in the cards for her. She knew who she wanted, and he was sitting right in front of her – refusing to let her touch him.
When she flinched with another cramp and sucked in a sharp breath, Lucius paused in his motions to look at her. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I think it’s the Braxton Hicks contractions again. This time I’m not rushing to St. Mungo’s. I can’t bear the humiliation of being told it’s false labor again.”
Lucius watched her. “Why don’t you walk. It’s light outside. We can stroll around the south garden if you like. Everything is blooming magnificently.”
Tinny had just popped in. “Yous go and walks, good witch. Wills makes you feel better.”
Hermione shrugged and her lips twitched upwards. “You know I can’t say no when you both gang up on me!”
Lucius smiled and held his hand out to assist her to stand. Her palm settled into his easily and a familiar blush crept over her. At least he had the decency to pretend he didn’t notice.
When she took her first step, a gush of warm water dripped down her legs. “Umm, Lucius?”
Lucius paced in the labor and delivery waiting room at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. Harry and Severus sat and watched, both fully aware that they could say nothing to calm the wizard. It was a relief he had been granted this temporary leave from his house arrest to be here. It would have been much worse had he been left on his own at the Manor.
Severus knew all too well what Lucius was going through. His twin daughters had been born two weeks early and he had been beside himself with worry as he waited for them to be delivered. Finally, he demanded entry into the delivery room despite the scandalous stares from the staff. Fuck them and their prehistoric sensitivities. Husbands had been allowed in Muggle delivery rooms with their wives for decades. It was time the wizarding world took a shot of reality. It was nothing he had never seen before. He knew his wife’s anatomy as well as the back of his hand. However, he had never seen anything as amazing as the birth of his girls, whom he had called squid one and squid two until they had been named, much to Ginny’s chagrin. He would vehemently deny it if anyone claimed he had cried that night. Vehemently.
“What is taking so long?” Lucius demanded. “She has been in there for hours.”
“Relax, Grandpa.” Ginny said as she entered the waiting room, having just come from Hermione’s side. “Come meet your grandson.”
Lucius dashed down the hall and suddenly froze. He felt overcome with a flush of guilt. This should be Draco. This should be him rushing in to meet his son.
Then words came to him in his son’s voice as though Draco were speaking to Lucius from right next to him. Take my place, Father. Love him as your own…for me. Be the father that I can’t.
When he pushed open the door it was to find the woman he loved more than life itself sweaty, and with a massive birds nest for a head, all he could think was that he had never seen her look more beautiful. She was radiant with flushed cheeks and a look of total and complete happiness on her face. The healers were rushing around and straightening this, that, and the other – including a crib that was set up right next to Hermione.
“Lucius,” she said quietly. “Come meet your grandson, Scorpius Draco Malfoy.”
Lucius quietly padded over and was unable to contain the rush of emotion when he met his grandson’s eyes for the first time. Familiar eyes. Draco’s eyes. And Hermione had given him the middle name Draco. It was a kindness he would have never even asked for.
“Do you want to hold him?” Hermione asked gently.
Lucius swallowed and nodded as he reached out for the small bundle, cradling his head as the memory of how to hold an infant came flooding back like it was yesterday.
Suddenly tears welled in his eyes. “Thank you, Hermione. Thank you,” he whispered in a barely controlled voice.
He slowly sat in the chair that Hermione wandlessly transfigured from a water pitcher. He looked down at Scorpius and studied his small features. From his perfect little nose to his pink lips to the little fingers that already had fingernails. He kept his eyes on his grandson as he said, “Hermione, please don’t hate me for saying this, but I’m so happy this little boy is Draco’s.” He looked up as another tear fell down his cheek. “You have given me back a part of my son and I will forever be in your debt.”
Hermione couldn’t help her own tears from falling as she watched Lucius cradle what was now the center of her world. She had not known it was possible to have so much love for another being until she held that little boy in her arms.
There was a commotion as Jane Granger was led into the room accompanied by Healer Jacobs who was dressed in Muggle attire. “Am I too late? Did we miss the delivery…?” She paused when she saw the baby in Lucius’ arms and leaned over to get a closer look at her grandson. She smiled and was overcome with her own emotion as well. “Look at him. He looks just like Draco’s baby pictures.”
Lucius beamed up at Jane. “He does, doesn’t he?”
Hermione looked at her mother questioningly. “How do you know what Draco looked like as a baby?”
Jane shrugged. “Narcissa’s portrait, of course. She has shown me all his baby albums.”
One Month Later – June 6th
Hermione had just put Scorpius down for his nap when Lucius came into the nursery. Narcissa and Willow’s portraits both watched from their newest mountings, right over top of the crib.
“Hermione, are you hungry? Bilby has prepared a delicious lunch.”
Hermione looked back over her shoulder. “Yeah, starved actually. I just wanted to get him fed and then put down for a nap.”
She waved her hand at the colorful mobile over his bed and it began to spin slowly while playing a simple lullaby.
Hermione followed Lucius out of the room and paused when he did.
“Jupiter? Come on boy.” Lucius said into the room. Hermione looked back to see the white dog laying beside the crib. She could swear the dog’s eyes were pleading when it let out a small cry. Lucius considered for a moment. “Alright then. Watch over him if you insist.” Jupiter immediately put his head down on his paws and nestled in. There was no question he and Lucius spoke a language Hermione didn’t understand.
Lucius and Hermione walked in their usual comfortable silence towards the solarium where they were enjoying their lunches these days.
When they sat down, Hermione tucked into her Vichyssoise soup. After a few swallows, she noticed Lucius wasn’t eating and was instead watching her.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
He contemplated his words. The words he needed to say versus the ones he wanted to.
“I’m fine, Hermione. But I want to talk to you.” I’m not fine! I’m miserable and I miss you.
He watched as Hermione put down her spoon and nodded for him to continue.
“I think you should start dating.” I love you and can’t bear the thought of you being with anyone but me.
He didn’t miss the look of surprise that crossed Hermione’s face. Lucius sipped his water and continued. “I know that men are interested in you, Hermione and I know that you receive offers on a regular basis.” They don’t deserve you, but you deserve so much more than me.
If Lucius was using Legilimency, he would know that her therapist and her friends had been saying these very words to her for months, but hearing Lucius say them made her ill.
He watched as her lips parted in surprise and it took a moment for her to reply. “Lucius, if you haven’t noticed, I’ve just had a baby. Dating is the farthest thing from my mind.”
“Of course, and I understand that completely. But Scorpius is well taken care of here at the Manor. Bilby, Tinny, and Janky dote on him constantly. You need to get out more with your friends, friends other than just Harry. You are young and beautiful, and the world is your oyster. Don’t you want a husband? A family?” I dote on him constantly and you don’t need to go anywhere. I’m your family.
“I thought you and Scorpius were my family?”
Good girl.
“Of course, we are. You know you will both always be my family. What I mean is… don’t you want more? A husband? More children?” Say no!
Hermione was crushed. She had hoped he still wanted her but was only concealing his feelings. It only took seconds before her grief and disappointment took a back seat to the anger that was bubbling inside of her. He was being ridiculous! How could he think she had designs on being married to anyone anytime soon?! She thought he loved her. Why was he pushing her further away?
“Lucius, I’m hardly old enough to be concerned about getting married! Besides, I’ve done that once and I have no desire to do it again anytime soon! Why are you pushing this?”
Lucius was no fool. He might be a master at hiding his regard, but Hermione was not. He knew she was still in love with him and had not really tried to move on. “Well. It’s your life, love. I only want your happiness.” He took a swallow of soup. “I do feel the need to tell you that I am seeing someone.” It’s a lie. Don’t believe a word I say.
Hermione’s mouth went dry. She forced a smile and hoped it looked natural. He had moved on? What she wanted to say was the complete opposite of what came out of her mouth. “You are? I hadn’t realized you had been entertaining anyone other than Malfoy Enterprises employees and clients.” Oh God. Please be a lie. Please don’t have already moved on from me!
Lucius put his napkin on the table. “Her name is Britt Brennan. She’s a fashion designer who is developing a couture clothing line for Malfoy’s Department Stores.” He looked over her shoulder, his occlusion disguising his pain with the lie. “She has been here…a great deal the past few months and we have become…close.”
Hermione was struggling to stay composed. A fashion designer? Probably wealthy and sophisticated and a Pure-blood and beautiful!
She hated the way her insecurities taunted her so quickly and easily. “I didn’t realize,” she said simply. She tried not to sound hurt, angry, or betrayed. It really hadn’t occurred to her that he would move on. She tried to save face. “I’m thrilled for you, Lucius. You deserve to be happy.” How could you? I thought you loved me.
She thought she was only doing what he asked so that she could come back to him. She thought they both understood their love was real and not a product of dependence and fear. Him falling in love with another witch wasn’t supposed to happen!
“Thank you, Hermione.” Unable to resist, he took her hand. He could see the battle behind her chocolate eyes. “I do love you, kitten, you know that. But I’m not the right man for you and I need to move on with my life as well.”
You are the right man for me. You’re the only man for me!
“I understand, Lucius.” No, I don’t!
“I only want your happiness.” But it was supposed to be with me!
“I’ll start dating when I’m ready, though. I just want to focus on my son and prepare for my new job in the Autumn.” She placed her napkin on the table. “Dating seems so trivial in the grand scheme of things right now.”
Lucius did not miss the subtle reproach. She was angry. He sipped his water once more before he caved and took it all back.
There was a strained silence. Hermione’s eyes did not meet his when she stood and said, “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I have a few errands to run.”
Lucius stood and smiled cordially, “Of course, I’ll be in my study if you need anything.”
Hermione paused for a moment before she left. It felt so final. They were truly finished. Maybe I never meant as much to him as I thought I did.
Lucius noticed her hesitation and had to resist the urge to pull her into his arms. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know.
He watched her leave before immediately walking to his office and pouring himself a firewhisky. He tried to ignore the eyes of his wife watching him severely from the portrait to his right.
“Honestly, Lucius. Was that necessary? Why must you be such a bastard?”
Lucius swirled the ice in his glass. “She deserves more than me. A man who can leave his home without an MLE escort. A man her own age. A man who has never hurt her.” He took a large swallow. “She hasn’t tried, Cissa. She hasn’t really tried to move on from me.” He swallowed the rest down whole and poured another. “I knew if she lived in the Manor this would happen.”
Narcissa’s portrait scoffed. “Oh Lucius, men hurt the women they love all the time.”
“You know what I mean,” he barked.
He walked behind his desk unaware of another set of grey eyes that were watching from another portrait in the corner.
However, it was the portrait to the left of his desk that spoke up next. The portrait that had recently become quite verbose after years of silence. “Why must you think so poorly of yourself, son? You are a good man and that witch loves you! All you are doing is forcing her away from where she wants to be and breaking her heart in the process. Not to mention your own. She has become a part of this Manor and a part of this family. You should be raising Scorpius at her side, as you know Draco would want you to. How do you think Draco would feel if he knew you were pushing her away and making her unhappy?” Willow looked at Narcissa and then added. “You owe it to Draco be with her.”
In an uncharacteristic display of anger, Lucius growled and threw his glass into the hearth where it shattered causing the flames to ignite. “Why are you both tormenting me so? Don’t you see that I’m trying to help her? I’m trying to give her a fresh start at a happy life? The life she should have had all along?”
August 28^th – Two and half months later
Hermione floo’d back to the Manor the moment the staff meeting was over. The students would be arriving the next week for start of term. Hermione had never realized how much was involved with teaching. Preparing her course syllabus’, decorating her classroom, and arguing with the Headmaster at every turn was proving exhausting. If he wanted her to teach the class, he was going to have to give in on a few things. One of them being mandatory field trips to Muggle museums and libraries as well as a meal in a Muggle restaurant and a trip to the movie theater. How were they supposed to understand Muggles if they weren’t exposed to them and Muggle culture? How were they supposed to see the value in non-magical beings if they couldn’t see first hand the amazing things Muggles accomplished without magic? Next year she was hoping to take her advanced classes to the United States to tour the NASA facilities. Muggles had landed on the moon for Godric’s sake!
As she was walking down the corridor, she heard faint laughter coming from Lucius’ study. Wanting to say hello, she knocked and then entered. She froze when her eyes landed on a very beautiful redhead sitting on the corner of Lucius’ desk as he was peppering her neck with lavish kisses.
The couple froze when they noticed her. Lucius cleared his throat as he stepped back from the buxom beauty. “Ahh, Hermione. I’m glad you stopped by. Come, I’ve been wanting to introduce the two of you for months.”
Hermione tentatively stepped forward, trying to conceal her shock. She had known he was dating someone, he had told her. But seeing it was something entirely different.
“Britt, my daughter in law, Hermione. Hermione this is Britt Brennan.”
Hermione and Britt smiled and said their hello’s.
“Would you like to join us for a drink?” Lucius asked.
Hermione did not miss the flicker of surprise on Lucius’ face when she answered yes.
“An Elven wine, Lucius. Thank you,” she added with a beaming smile.
Fine. So, Lucius really was seeing someone. Hermione had begun to doubt it as she had never seen Lucius entertaining any females. As hard as this was, she would set her own feelings aside and be supportive of the man who was now officially no more than her father-in-law. He really had moved on.
“So, Britt, I’m afraid I know so little about you. You’re a fashion designer, correct? That must be exciting!”
Britt looked from Hermione to Lucius as she responded, “Uhh, yes. I design couture lines for some of the fashion houses in Paris and Milan.”
Hermione smiled warmly. “That must be very glamorous and exciting. Does your work cross over into the Muggle industry as well? I only ask because I am teaching a Muggle studies course at Hogwarts and it would be wonderful if you could come talk to the class about the differences in Muggle and Wizarding fashion.”
Britt paused and then responded, “Uh, sure! Yes, I’d be happy to.” Hermione didn’t miss the subtle questioning look at Lucius on the witch’s face before she responded.
Hermione beamed at her. “Wonderful. I’ll get your contact information from Lucius and be in touch.” Hermione sipped the wine Lucius handed her and offered him a small thank you.
When Hermione focused back on Lucius, she felt something was off. He looked… haughty. Why? She knew that look was a façade. A mask he wore. What was he hiding?
Before she could stop herself, she developed a façade of her own and looked at her watch. “Oh goodness, is that the time?” She set her glass down and smiled at them both. “I had not realized it was already after eight. I have a nine o’clock dinner date and am going to be late if I don’t hurry.” She looked at Britt. “It was lovely meeting you and I trust I’ll be seeing much more of you in the future.”
Hermione did not miss the flash of surprise on Lucius’ face, no matter how brief it had been. It was a lie, of course. She had been on two dates over the summer and that was it. Lucius knew about neither of them, but even though this was a lie, at least he would no longer be under the false assumption that she wasn’t dating at all.
Lucius smiled, too brightly in Hermione’s opinion. “A date? And whom may I ask is the lucky young man?”
Hermione thought quickly. “No one you know, Lucius. He works at the Ministry with Harry. It’s only our third date, but…I like him. We’ll see.”
Lucius swallowed. “Oh, your third date? Well, that sounds promising.”
Hermione winked. “Here’s hoping.”
Lucius’ heart was pounding as he watched her flounce out of the room.
“Well, on that note…my work here is done?” Britt asked with a cocked brow.
Lucius nodded. “Yes, yes. Thank you for that. It needed to be done.”
December 31^st, 1999
New Year’s Eve Party at Grimmauld Place
Hermione smiled at her date, Jonathan, as he told her the latest anecdote about his two-year-old niece, Alison.
After the night that Hermione met Britt, Hermione had realized she really did need to move on. She had been saying the words, but not taking the actions. So, within a week she went on her first date. A week later she went on another. The first few were simply so that she could say she had tried.
Then she met Jonathan. A Muggle studies professor in the Wizarding department of Oxford University. He was not only a handsome American Muggleborn, he was an intellectual who was wickedly funny. He loved children, particularly his nieces and nephews, and could not wait to start a family of his own. He was kind and he doted on Hermione. Apparently, he had taken notice of her the very first time he laid eyes on her at a conference back in September and had asked her out within a matter of days. They had been dating for almost three months now.
She loved watching his face as he talked about the kids playing with their toy brooms on Christmas morning. His dark hair and blue eyes contrasted beautifully against his soft, pale skin. He was tall and fit and had even persuaded Hermione to take up jogging. Although, she usually joined him towards the end of his runs. Two miles was her limit.
She had decided that tonight was the night she was going to sleep with him. He had encouraged, but not pushed, for her to stay with him on many occasions. She didn’t love him, but she really liked him, and she was attracted to him. She was curious what sex would be like with someone other than Lucius. She knew it would be vastly different from her experiences with Draco. Although, sometimes she wondered what sex would have been like with Draco if he had not been cursed. Would he have been gentle and generous?
Over the last year and a half, Hermione had learned to remember Draco differently. Her therapist had helped her with this. She truly understood how profoundly he had loved her for the curse to have made him into such a beast. The abuse was somehow easier for her to remember when she looked at it in the context of what it was; the absolute opposite of how the true Draco really wanted to treat her. It helped her remember him as the man he should have been to her, instead of the abusive brute. She wanted to talk to his portrait, she had things she needed to say.
While she would never forget, she would offer him forgiveness. If he had lived, however, she knew she would have never been able to be more than his friend – and even that would have taken a lot of time. She still had nightmares that he starred in. She hoped that his portrait would awaken, so that they could talk. She knew Lucius was desperately hoping for the same. No one knew why the portrait had remained sleeping. Lucius’ had even had two artists who specialized in charmed paintings over to look at it. It couldn’t be explained.
“Hermione, you need more champagne,” Harry announced as he rushed over with a bubbling over bottle that had just been uncorked. He topped off both of their glasses and then made his way around the room filling other stemware before the countdown to the new millennium began. It was hard to believe it would be the year 2000.
As the countdown began, Hermione looked around at the familiar faces. George and Fred were dating a set of Spanish twins, Lupin and Charlie were without dates but were all smiles in the spirit of the occasion. Bill and Fleur were laughing and kissing. Even Harry looked very happy as he beamed at his brunette date who most were surprised to see him with.
Ginny and Severus were back at the Manor celebrating with Lucius. Lucius had invited her and Jonathan to join them, but Hermione didn’t feel comfortable being on a date in front of Lucius. It just felt wrong. It was something she would have to get over if things progressed with Jonathan or any other wizard, though. She was going to be living at the Manor for another eighteen and a half years, after all.
Her attention was pulled back to her surroundings when the countdown became more frenzied.
Five
Four
Three
Two
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!
Jonathan pulled Hermione in for a deep kiss that felt nice but not earth shattering. It was the way all of his kisses felt. Sweet and warm, but no fire. She hoped that with more intimacy, that might change.
He trailed kisses along her neck and whispered, “Come home with me. Please.” While Hermione had decided that tonight was the night, she had not told Jonathan yet.
“Okay,” she answered simply.
His eyes were wide and his smile broad when he pulled back, afraid he had misunderstood her.
Jonathan had Hermione back at his flat and in his bedroom within fifteen minutes. Her heart was pounding with the realization that she was about to have sex.
Sex for the first time in a year and a half.
Sex with someone other than Lucius.
Hermione could tell Jonathan was as nervous as she was. He knew her history. She had told him the whole story after they had been dating for a couple months. He even knew her complicated feelings for Lucius. She had been completely honest.
Jonathan kissed her tenderly as he slowly unzipped her dress. “Is this okay?” His movements were hesitant, as though he was afraid that if he moved with any urgency, he would scare her off. What he didn’t understand was that the opposite was true. She wasn’t a porcelain doll and while she wanted to be respected, she also wanted to be taken. She wanted passion…she wanted to feel.
Feel the way she hadn’t felt since the last time Lucius had taken her – before Draco had woke.
Feel the way Lucius had made her feel.
“Yes, you won’t hurt me,” she responded. Hermione began to kiss him with more urgency and made quick work of unbuttoning his shirt, hoping he would take the hint. Jonathan was a quick study and had her naked and laying on his bed in seconds.
She felt a warm flush come over her as she watched his eyes take in her naked form for the first time. He unzipped his trousers and had them off quickly. Hermione’s eyes scanned to his erect cock and tried not to make comparisons to the only other two she had ever seen.
Jonathan kissed up her body as he climbed onto the bed. Hermione closed her eyes and tried to relax. His hands were soft, but they moved all wrong as they stroked her thighs, her waist, and her breasts. There was no deep chuckle or teasing of her nipples, just suckling and a little slobbering. His mouth trailed up her chest to her neck and, finally, her lips as his fingers stroked her right nipple while another set of fingers began to stroke between her legs. It felt nice and she began to gyrate her hips when his digits focused on her clit, clumsily flicking it and rubbing it.
She kept telling herself it felt amazing and mewled as she pumped her hips and tried to become lost in the moment. She ran her hands down his chest and tenderly grasped his weeping cock. A cock that felt all wrong. Too thick. Too short. She began to pump him the way Lucius had taught her, causing Jonathan to groan. His voice was wrong, though. It wasn’t carnal. It wasn’t deep.
It wasn’t Lucius.
Hermione closed her eyes and felt regret as she realized what a mistake she was making. She began to pump her hand faster as she began to moan louder.
“Shit Hermione, slow down. I’m gonna co….” Hot ejaculate shot onto her belly and hand as she growled out her fake orgasm.
Jonathan collapsed on her, catching his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it…”
“Sshh,” Hermione whispered as she kissed his temple.
After a minute, he rolled off her and onto his back. He sighed heavily before moving to his side to face her.
“You faked your orgasm, didn’t you?” His voice wasn’t accusatory or angry. It was almost sympathetic.
Hermione’s nose began to tingle with the threat of tears. She felt so guilty. “I’m sorry.”
He nodded lightly and let out another sigh. “You know we could have stopped. I would never…”
“I know. I just didn’t want to leave you… you know.” She felt ashamed.
He watched her for a minute. “Spoon with me?” he asked.
Hermione smiled softly and rolled over, pressing her back to his front as he wrapped her in his arms. “I feel like I pressured you into something you weren’t ready for.”
Hermione took his hand in hers and kissed it. “No, you really didn’t. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be here.” She thought for a moment. “I really, really like you Jonathan. I just…I can’t get –”
“Over Lucius,” he finished for her.
Hermione felt her nose prick again. “I have to get over him. I have to! He’s gotten over me and moved on.”
“It takes time Hermione. I’ve been there. I didn’t date for a year after Clarisse broke it off with me.”
“But it’s been a year and a half…longer actually.”
“You still see him, though. He’s still in your life.”
“That will never change. He is Scorpius’ grandfather.” She sniffled. “I guess it’s just going to take more time.”
“You realize I’m crazy about you, Hermione. I’ll give you all the time in the world. You know that, don’t you?”
The words only made her feel guiltier. This was a good man. A really good man. If he had entered her life before she was captured, she would have easily fallen in love with him.
“Jonathan, I…you know you are special to me and you know I care about you…but...”
“You don’t want to date me anymore, do you?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with you. It’s just I don’t want to string you along while I work through all… this. You deserve so much better.”
“So, what do you want?”
“I want your friendship and I want you to not wait for me.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “You’re brilliant and witty and perfect, Jonathan. I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve strung you along for all these months and now…”
Jonathan pushed away and rolled her onto her back so that he was looking down at her. “Hey, none of that! I’m a big boy and knew exactly what I was getting into. You are worth it.” He wiped her tears and she snuggled her head into his chest.
It was four-thirty in the morning and the latest she had ever been out. Hermione hung her outer robe on the rack beside the informal family floo in the den and slipped her heels off. She padded down the hall quietly, not wanting to disturb the elves or Lucius. She had just noticed light coming from under Lucius’ study when the door opened.
Her eyes were wide, and she knew she looked guilty – like a teenager getting caught coming in after curfew. She suddenly regretted not having taken the time to fix her hair and her makeup. She was certain she looked like she had just had sex.
They seemed frozen in time for a moment as they looked at each other. Her eyes must have given everything away, because understanding suddenly came over his face. He sighed and then asked, “Are you alright?”
Unable to help it, and not wanting his pity, the tears fell down her cheeks like a dam had broken.
He stepped towards her to pull her into his arms, but she dodged him and ran down the hall, up the back stairs, and into her suite where she closed and warded the door before collapsing onto her bed, sobbing.
March 13^th, 2001
The party for the Longbottom’s was an event that would surely make the history books. Neville had been healed and back to himself within two months of being rescued and treated by Etan and Rose Browne. That was a miracle in itself, but the emergence of Frank and Alice Longbottom, both having regained their senses, if not their complete memories, was a thing of incredulity. It had been deemed impossible and once again, the Browne’s mind healing genius had amazed everyone. They had even cured Gilderoy Lockhart, who was sentenced to five years house arrest for his own Obliviation crimes and was living with his sister.
Hermione toasted, socialized, hugged, and smiled along with everyone else. Her thoughts were not on Lucius or on dating or on what she should or shouldn’t be doing. After the Jonathan incident, which was now over a year ago, she had realized she needed to simply do what made her happy and to stop trying to do what everyone else felt she needed to do – including her therapist.
It had taken time, but she had gotten there. She doted on her son and loved her friends and enjoyed her hobbies. While she didn’t have the freedom to volunteer anymore, she made donations to the causes she cared about. Being a teacher and a mother took most of her time.
Scorpius adored Harry and now accompanied Hermione on many of her visits to Grimmauld Place and to her other friends. Fred and George provided endless entertainment for the almost two-year-old, and visits with Ginny’s twin girls were frequent.
Lucius positively adored Scorpius and spoiled him absolutely rotten. The child had every toy imaginable, including a few Muggle ones, like a toy dump truck and an inchworm. Of course, the ultimate had been introducing the toddler to Mony. It was love at first sight. Scorpius, according to Lucius, was so very much like Draco it was occasionally painful. Sometimes Hermione wondered if Lucius thought Scorpius was Draco. His reincarnated soul. It was a lovely thought, even if Hermione didn’t believe in such things.
It was early evening when she made her way home with the sleeping little boy in her arms. Lucius was waiting for them and she filled him in on the party as they made their way to Scorpius’ room where she had him changed and in his crib in moments. Jupiter padded in and took his usual spot beside the crib and settled in for a night of sleep.
Hermione and Lucius peeked back into the room as they turned out the light to see Narcissa and Willow’s portraits watching over the sleeping babe. Hermione looked up at Lucius and smiled. When he smiled back, her insides turned to the same goo they always did. She still loved this man and knew that she would for eternity, but she had accepted that they would never be what they were before.
“Are you hungry?”
“Not really,” she responded.
“Join me for a drink?”
Hermione looked up at him, surprised by the invitation. Their time together was usually at meals and with Scorpius. And they hadn’t shared a drink, just the two of them, in over two years.
She sat in one of the wingback chairs and sipped the brandy Lucius handed her. Neither said anything for a few minutes. Hermione simply watched the flames in the hearth come to life as Lucius manipulated them with the poker.
His voice was just above a whisper. “I can’t do this anymore, Hermione. I…”
Hermione looked up at him and noticed the hand holding his drink was trembling.
He put down his glass on the mantle and closed his eyes. When he opened them, they looked haunted and his face took on a tiredness she hadn’t noticed before. Had he been Occluding?
“I can’t…pretend anymore, Hermione. I can’t act as if my entire world doesn’t shift its axis when you look at me.” His shoulders sagged as though they had been carrying the weight of a dragon. “I can’t stand lying in my bed at night and wishing you were in my arms.” He fidgeted with a small globe on the mantle. “I tried, I really tried to be strong, Hermione. You deserve better.
“You deserve a man who isn’t tainted with such a past. A man who has never hurt you – physically or emotionally.” His voice became louder and full of conviction. “You have every right to tell me no. I meant what I said before, you need to move on from me. Your attachment to me wasn’t healthy and your love for me was due to the circumstances we found ourselves in. I know that. Yet, I can’t seem to stop myself from proclaiming my love for you right now… Even though I know I have no right.” He took a breath and exhaled slowly.
His eyes finally moved back to hers to find them full of tears. “Tell me, do you harbor any of those same feelings for me? So much time has passed. You are in your right to say no and I will never mention it again. I will take whatever friendship you have to offer and relish it. I will be no more or less than you want me to be.”
Hermione sat stunned for a solid minute. While she was quiet, Lucius fidgeted uncharacteristically. He looked away and walked over to the sidebar, fully expecting her rejection, before letting another minute pass. He walked back over, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have –”
When Hermione stood, he stopped speaking abruptly. She approached him as she tried to move past her shock. She had not expected these words to come out of his mouth.
Looking up at him with serious and contemplative eyes, she whispered, “What about...” She swallowed. “What about…Britt? I mean you haven’t mentioned her, but I assumed you were still seeing her…or maybe someone else?”
Lucius’ brow crinkled. “Britt?” He laughed without humor. “Hermione, I was never involved with Britt. That was all a ruse.” He closed his eyes. “It was a deceit of the cruelest kind, but it was meant to help you move on.” His face darkened. “Just another mistake and something I’m ashamed of.” He shrugged. “Another reason for you to reject me now.”
Hermione felt light headed. “I need to sit.”
Lucius held his hand out, but she sat without taking it. Her mind spun.
All this time.
She thought he had moved on.
She thought he was over her.
It was a lot to take in, but there was a flutter of sheer joy that was bubbling beneath the surface of her countenance and it was bursting to come out. Her hands came up to her face as her eyes danced up to see his warm and pleading ones studying her as though life itself depended on her response. A feeling of complete and utter happiness that was drowned in absolute relief washed over her.
Her voice was shaky. “Lucius, you stupid, stupid man. Of course, I still love you. I never stopped! I thought you didn’t want me anymore.”
Their eyes remained glued to each other. Hers still in shock and his in disbelief. “Could you really not see it?” they said in unison. After a shimmer of a pause they both laughed, and Hermione leapt out of the chair and into his arms.
Hermione was crying and Lucius stroked her hair as he whispered, “I couldn’t dare to hope. And I knew that if you did, or do, still have feelings for me, then it’s because you haven’t really gotten away from me.”
She pulled back and looked up at him. “I tried Lucius, I tried!”
His expression was a mix of hopefulness, but his eyes were guarded as if he dared not believe her.
“Lucius, I have faithfully gone to therapy for two and a half years. I have worked through my grief for my father, my friends, and my stolen innocence. I have forgiven Draco, even if I will never forget what he did to me. I have battled the waves of depression that still come over me sometimes and have managed to come out a little bit stronger each time. I have dated other men. In other words – I have done everything you said that you wanted me to and everything my therapist wanted me to do. And through it all, I never stopped loving you. I never stopped wanting you. It was you who didn’t want me anymore.”
“My feelings never changed for you, Hermione. Not for a second.” He closed his eyes. “Last New Year’s when you came home, and I knew you had been… well…” He opened them and Hermione could see the pain. “It was like my insides had been ripped out of my body and trampled on. I wanted to rush up to your room and ravish you. Remind you of why you shouldn’t be with anyone but me!”
“I lay in my bed every night and wish you were beside me, Lucius. I dream about your touch and sometimes can almost remember what it felt like to have you inside me. You are the only man I want, and I had resolved myself to accepting what you could give, even if it was just being a wonderful Grandfather to my son.”
“You didn’t really ever get away from me, though! You didn’t date enough. You never lived under your own roof. You haven’t really had a chance to move on.” He cradled her face in his hands. “Salazar forgive me, I find I’m too selfish to stop myself regardless.”
Hermione pushed herself up on her toes and pressed her lips against his. Her psyche purred as it all came back.
Fire.
Heat.
Desire.
Their lips moved against each other and Hermione felt she would explode as it all came rushing back. The intensity and the ache that felt like it would devour her. He was the only man who could make her feel this way.
“Lucius, I need you,” she rasped in a ravenous voice as she moved quickly to unbutton his buttons.
He stopped her frenetic movement with gentle hands to her hips and pulled his lips away form hers before kissing her temple. “I want to do this right, kitten. I want to court you properly. I want to take you on dates to the library, to the pool, to the ballroom and to the stables. I want us to start over.”
Hermione shook her head, as exasperated as she was touched. “Lucius, that’s so silly.”
When she saw the crestfallen look on his face, she reconsidered and then cradled his face in return. “Oh love, I just want you however I can have you. Of course, you can court me. I will try to control myself and not pounce on you during the first date.” She grinned when his eyes darkened with the thought. “I wouldn’t want you to think I’m easy, after all.”
Lucius laughed at her joke and pulled her back into a tight embrace. They held each other for several long minutes, neither saying a word. They didn’t notice the two elves peeking in from the doorway.
“December wedding?” Tinny asked Bilby.
Bilby shook his head. “Theys wont makes it that long. June be more like it.”
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A World Not Fit To Live In