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If Only To Feel...	By : Jadestonedreams Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 10416 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Title: IF ONLY TO FEEL�

AUTHOR: Jadestonedreams

Rating:R-NC17

WARNING: het and slash sex..

DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and friends belong to JK.Rowlings� anything not found in her world , belongs to me in mine..

Author's note: this is set in the harry potter world of my imagination. I don't pretend to follow the JKRowlings harry potter world. So People who are supposedly dead in hers, may tup alp alive in mine.. Deal with it.

OH AND THIS IS A SLASH STORY�IF YOU DON'T LIKE MOVE ON!!
Note: I thought I just add this in here to clear this up. This is not a Draco turns into a girl and they fall in love story. Draco is still a boy in this. He just has the ability to change his sex. Personality is still the same. This is still a boy boy story.
I want to thank everyone that has given me feedback so far. You guys are great. ..please keep them coming.

CHAPTER 4

Morning After Effects

CHAPTER 4

Thrashing abin hin his bed, Harry Potter moaned aloud as the images grew wilder in his mind.

"I don't want to belong to him, I belong to no one." whispered the voice in the air around him as he stood inside the astronomy tower yet again.

Lookabouabout at the empty air around him Harry called out to the voice.

"Who's there?"

A sudden cold chill wrapped itself around him as a thick mist began forming.

"There's nothing you can do, Potter," replied the saddened voice.

Pushing his way through the mist Harry tried to reach towards the sound of the voice. Hoping he could find whomever it was. The person sounded so sad and the instinct to go where it was becoming overwhelming.

"Tell me where you are...I'll help you!" shouted Harry looking around frantically. .

The faint outline of a person hidden in the mist formed further away from him. The face was hidden through long strands of blonde hair and the mist from Harry's view. The mist becoming thicker as Harry reached out towards the figure...

"No. They belong to me, no one else. You'll never have them Potter," shouted a thunderous voice sending Harry flying backwards into the wall.

"Nooooooooooo." shouted Harry as the images started to fade.

~~~

Bolting upright in bed, Harry frantically looked around his room as he began taking deep breaths. The room stood quietly around him. Dumbledore had deemed it fit to give him a private room, considering his circumstances involving his upcoming birthday. The main reason being that veela's are often times harassed by the people around them until they are bonded with their mates.

Throwing the covers off his bed and swinging his legs over the bed, Harry yawned slightly. His unruly hair was sticking out in different directions as he rubbed his eyes reaching for his glasses. He made his way over to the window overlooking the yard outside.

Gazing out at the sparkling stars his mind drifted to earlier in the evening.

The night had seemed like a dream as he'd made his way down the tower after her only moments later, desperately trying to catch her. The night air had seemed oddly quiet as he soon found himself alone outside the tower, the young woman nowhere in sight.

He'd finally come back to his room filled with worry after searching the castle for nearly an hour with no luck. Crawling into bed he fell asleep the moment his head touched the pillow, his dreams filled with dark images.

Looking back over at the bed, Harry sighed.

Heading towards the private bathroom that was connected, he resolved to write to his Godfather about the dream and about the girl. Besides he missed his Godfather dearly and this would be a perfect excuse to see if he could go and see him and Remus.

The two of them had moved in together after Pettigrew was finally captured in Harry's fifth year. The rat faced fink had been spotted in a muggle bar of all places getting drunk. It had been pure luck that one of the other patrons there had been Charlie Weasley. He'd been taking a muggle friend out for drinks that night seeing as the guy was about to move the next day. It had only taken a glance for older Weasley son to recognize the man and call in the proper authorities to arrest Pettigrew.

Under Veritaserum Pettigrew had confessed to the killings and setting up Black. All charges were dropped and Sirius was finally compensated for his incarceration. Nothing could make up for the twelve years he'd lost but things were slowly starting to change for the better. His godfather had moved in with Lupin a few months later. 12 Grimmauld Place was used as the orders headquarters and given to Harry for after his graduation. Sirius had wanted to start clean and fresh. The house held to many bad memories for the once imprisoned man to feel comfortable there.

Harry suspected it had more to do with not wanting to be separated from Remus than anything else. Harry wondered if there was more to the relationship than either man wanted to tell him. He'd caught both of them staring at the other when they believed the other wasn't looking and no one was around.

Sirius began working with the order while Remus had started teaching DADA at Hogwarts again. Harry had been thrilled to have his favorite teacher and his Godfather back in his life. Both had opted during the summer school days to stay in the home they'd purchased instead of the school after Remus was given back his teaching position.

It was a good thing that Dumbledore was being a little more lenient to students during the summer time, well to the sixth and seventh years at least. They weren't confined to the castle day and night. Trips into Hogsmeade could be taken as long as it didn't interfere with any classes you were taking. Students not coming back on time or missing a single class because of a trip to Hogsmeade had the privilege taken away until school would start. Suffice it to say everyone always made it back on time.

Smiling to himself, Harry went about preparing for the day.

~~**~~

Down in the Slytherin dungeons, Draco Malfoy tossed about dramatically in his bed. The sweat soaked sheets tangled around his limbs as he bolted upright silently screaming.

Gulping down deep breaths to calm himself, Draco's eyes shifted around the room. The chilling silence did nothing to calm his feelings as he flung back the covers of the bed and sat up quickly. A quick glance over at the dresser brought back the memories of the previous evening.

Looking at the shattered glass of the mirror, Draco sighed and reached over for his wand on the nightstand, and with a quick wave sent the broken remains of the once beautiful mirror, back into its original condition.

The ending results as he finally faced his reflection in the mirror once again were that of bitterness. The silver blue eyes looked back at him from under soft flowing tendrils as if mocking him somehow.

Moving closer to stare at his reflection, Draco looked at the image before him. The images of his encounter with the boy-who-lived were playing in his mind. Potter had taken him last night. Had pounded into his female form, marked him, claimed ownership, and for a moment he'd been happy. Until it had been shattered, like the glass in the mirror was before.

Turning away Draco shut his eyes tight, letting the change come over him. The slight tingling sensation in his stomach spread through out his body as it transformed, sending him to his knees. Shaking his head he struggled to stand back up. The sudden warm feeling over taking him as he managed to make his way back over to the bed before collapsing again, his breathing shaky.

The transformation had never affected him in such a manner before. Although technically he'd never stayed in the form very long as he found it quite disturbing to find people looking at you in ways you'd rather not think of. Those complications were something he never wished to deal with. No matter how fascinating they may have seemed.

So Draco had made up many rules for himself when it became apparent that he wasn't going to be able to tell his parents of his newfound talent. Lucius would surely send Narcissa away again if it were found out that the spell had malfunctioned

The thought of his mother gone had sparked mixed feelings in him. Granted he'd still had not quite forgiven her for what she'd put him through. The idea of never seeing her again had weighed heavily on him. So the secret had been kept until he'd finally revealed it to his grandmother.

Taking a slow deep breath as he stared up at the ceiling above him Draco waited as the growing heat surrounding him started fading before finally settling down to bearable warmth.

The sudden rumbling from his stomach reminded him that he'd yet to eat breakfast. Draco glanced over at the clock; he still had time to make it to breakfast. Making his way through the Slytherin common room twenty minutes later, Draco only nodded politely at the few Slytherins there, before slipping out the common room, heading for the great hall.

*****

Harry looked around the Great Hall at breakfast. A few students were scattered around him from the houses at their tables that morning. Dumbledore had informed him that a handful of students were going to be remaining at the school over the summer vacation. Since there was only a handful remaining behind, Dumbledore had opted for a more relaxed atmosphere at the school during mealtimes. Smaller tables were provided for the students to sit at with their friends. The teachers however remained at the teacher's table. Melanie Higgins and Tom Clover from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw were deep in conversation about the next years N.E.W.T.S. while a few of the others were simply groaning around them.

'Seems like Hermione has rubbed off,' thought Harry spreading some more jam over his toast. Glancing over at some of the other tables Harry looked around hoping to see a blonde head there. The empty chairs before him caused a frown to flash across his face. The Slytherins had been for the most part more subdued lately. The usual fights between the two houses of Harry and his rival Draco Malfoy had seemed to drop radically lately. The fights had started becoming few and farther in-between than they used to be.

Harry really couldn't say why, but he had missed the fights with the Slytherin. His fights with the blonde had started to become a standing part of his school year and the sudden loss of them had affected him a lot. That was when he'd started watching the Slytherins.

Looking once again along the green and silver decorated table, Harry noted the few familiar faces once again.

The idea to ask Malfoy about the young woman from the previous night forming in his head as the sound of someone entering the hall interrupted his thoughts.

Looking up from his glass of pumpkin juice, Harry was slightly stunned at the sight of Draco Malfoy as he entered to Great Hall. The hair usually pushed back with gel, now hung softly around his face, as if framing it. The pale skin of his cheeks tinted slightly red as if he'd been running.

Chewing slowly on his toast, Harry watched as the young blonde sat down quietly at the Slytherins table, barely acknowledging the few classmates around him and began piling his plate high with food. Harry stared wide-eyed as the mountain of food on Draco's plate completely disappeared a few moments later as the Slytherin eating as if he'd been starving.

Harry's thoughts on the young Slytherins strange behavior that morning was interrupted as a letter was dropped near the raven-haired boy as the mail was delivered to the students. Glancing over them Harry smiled at the letter from his friends before stuffing it into his pocket. Looking up from the table to catch a glimpse of the Slytherin again, Harry frowned at the empty seat, 'where the hell had Malfoy gone?'

"And why the hell am I so suddenly worried about him?" muttered Harry getting up a walking out of the great hall.

~~~~

Looking down at the letter in his hands Draco sighed before pushing it back into his robes. Since he�d written and stated that he was going to be staying at school over the summer holidays, Draco had received many letters from Lucius Malfoy. Nothing specific was ever said in them, but the meaning there was clear�the wedding would be taking place and he should be more than proud that he was to become bonded to the Dark Lord.

Closing the door to the common room as he entered, Draco looked around. He missed his friends. He hadn�t wanted to think about them before. He didn't want to imagine their faces as they were told of his death. He was sure they would have been the only ones to miss him. Looking around at the empty couches, Draco made a promise to write both of them as soon as possible.

Now though he had to deal with the letter from his father. Lucius had been more than a little upset over Draco�s desire to spend the summer at Hogwarts. The announcement that Lord Voldemort would not be pleased only made him want to stay at the school more. Staying at the Manor after learning the truth would have been impossible. He wasn�t sure if he�d ever be able to return there. The once beautiful home he�d adored while growing up now seemed cold and empty despite the people there or perhaps that was just him, Draco couldn�t tell anymore.

Clutching the letter in his hand as he climbed into the center of his bed, Draco prepared for the worst. He'd found that hardly anything good ever came from the letters he received from his father.

Ripping open the envelope Draco began reading.

Draco:

It has come to my attention that our so-called boy-who-lived is also staying at Hogwarts over the summer. As to why you failed to inform me of this, we will discuss later. As for now, I trust you are using this time to consider your upcoming nuptials.

Draco�s hands shook as the anger started to build up in him. He continued reading the letter completely unaware that the objects in the room had started clattering and spinning around him like a tornado.

"Why can�t I have a normal life!" shouted Draco in frustration clenching the letter in his hand tightly before crumbling the paper and tossing it at the wall. The sudden burst of flame as it exploded in mid air caused him to stare wide-eyed at the floating pieces of burnt paper and the crashing objects around him.

"What the hell!?" gasped Draco looking around in shock.

~~*~~

Sitting down on a large concrete bench under a large tree, Narcissa Malfoy looked around at the beautiful garden before her. The beautiful scenery was attended painstakingly by her mother when she had been younger. Each flower was lovingly planted with her mother's own two hands making the place a festival of color everywhere you turned. Smiling as she remembered how she loved taking Draco here to stay with his grandmother whenever she and Draco would come for a visit. The two of them had got along so well, Narcissa often wondered what her mother and son could possible have been talking about all that time in the garden.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, inhaling the scent around her a calming feeling coming over her. Looking up at the sky Narcissa frowned at the sudden burst of lightening that flashed across the sky, as the clouds rumbled above her.

"It�s begun." She whispered clutching the locket at her chest and looking down at the lily in her hand.

********
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