Truth Imprisoned

The letter turned up just after breakfast. It had the coat of arms of Old Ley School as a seal. The other two schools had replied quickly, apologising about how they didn't have an available opening. Harry would bet a great deal that they really were sorry. Having the famous Harry Potter on the staff would increase applications and allow them to be more selective in their pupils.

Harry stared down at the final envelope. It took him a long time to open it, knowing that his future could easily be decided by the contents. He suddenly felt a lot less sure about going off to teach. Sirius needed him here. He was still getting used to having the ability to move around the world freely again. The old fears gripped Harry that he might not be any good, that he might not be able to control the class, that he might be doing exactly the wrong thing for Sirius.

"You going to open that?" Sirius was standing in the doorway of the lounge and Harry realised he'd been holding the sealed letter for several minutes. Slightly embarrassed, he ripped it open. He didn't even need to get past the opening, "Dear Mr Potter, we regret to inform you . . ." Then it went on in the usual way about sincere apologies and getting in touch should there be any openings.

"I've not got the job," Harry said simply.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Sirius did a good job of trying to sound sorry, but Harry could tell he didn't quite mean it.

"There's always next year," Harry said, dismissing the rejection calmly. He was surprised how relieved he felt about this. He had been growing more nervous about the idea of leaving with each day that passed. Besides, the disturbing dreams had failed to appear for almost a week now, so perhaps things were settling down as they should be and he had nothing to worry about.

"That's the way to think about it," Sirius said cheerfully. "How about we go and make sure Dobby's delicacies are fit to serve to guests?"

"You've only just had breakfast," Harry scolded.

"Well I'll be too busy hosting to stuff myself silly tonight." Both Harry and Sirius had been forced to go hungry in the past, which unfortunately left the tendency to eat food whenever there was opportunity. They had a fun half hour sampling all the dishes the house elves were preparing for the party, before they went back upstairs to sort out the rest of the house.

The hung streamers in the ballroom and charmed a host of candles to hover around the ceiling. Long tables stretched down the length of the room, ready for the food even now being prepared in the kitchens. A magical gramophone stood on a small table of its own. It was enchanted to change records whenever one finished, leaving everyone else free to enjoy the party. Harry found himself enjoying the decorating immensely, especially when Sirius ended up tangled in a huge tablecloth he was trying to lay out. Wrapped in tha that white lace, he could have been mistaken for a bride.

Harry told him this, and ended up with an annoyed pile of Sirius on top of him, tickling him mercilessly and demanding that he take it back. Harry squirmed on the floor, trying to evade Sirius' torturing fingers. Sirius was tickling Harry's sensitive sides and Harry was writhing in helpless laughter, gasping for each breath. Sirius' face was just above his own, hot breath mingling. His smile made him seem so much younger, as though the cares of Askaban had simply vanished.

Then Harry's leg touched something. Sirius froze instantly as Harry's leg brushed against the bulge in his trousers. An erection. No doubt about it, Sirius was turned on by this close contact. His face went from pleasure to panic in a heartbeat, staring down at Harry in fear. Fear of what? Sirius wasted no time in getting off Harry, flinging away the tablecloth that was still clinging, tangled in his legs.

"Sirius," Harry began, his face and voice full of concern for Sirius.

"I . . . I . . ." Sirius stammered. Then he fled. Harry hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether or not he ought to run after Sirius. He took a couple of breaths to calm himself and decided that perhaps it was better to wait. Sirius would return soon and then they'd talk. Harry would confess about hearing him and Remus and then maybe things would be better for the talk.

Harry stood a few moments more, then spread the tablecloth out. He erased the dirt with a quick charm and left the long tables looking spotless and white. He counted the plates and cups to make sure there were enough for all the guests. Then he checked the gramophone was working properly. All the while he kept glancing at his watch.

Sirius would come downstairs soon, they'd go and sit in the lounge and then they'd talk. They'd talk about their feelings and clear the air and then they could great the guests feeling much more comfortable about everything.

At lunchtime, Sirius still hadn't returned. Harry decided that he would simply have to go and take the healing conversation to him. Along with the food. He stood outside Sirius' bedroom, realising that he hadn't even glimpsed the inside since the tour on the first day. He shifted the laden tray onto one arm and knocked. No answer.

"Sirius?
"P
"Please, Harry, go away." Sirius' voice was choked, as though he'd been crying.

Harry wasn't quite sure what to say. He hadn't expected this from Sirius. All he could manage was an inadequate comment about bringing up lunch.

"I'm not hungry," Sirius told him. It probably wouldn't matter if he didn't eat, since they could both stuff their faces later, but Harry didn't want to just leave him. It was quite possible he'd sink into one of his bouts of depression and decide not to come down to the party, when it was perfectly clear that he needed the fun.

"Please let me in, Sirius," Harry asked calmly. He waited what he considered a decent length of time for a response before trying the handle. It was locked. Well, he should hardly have suspected anything less if Sirius wanted to be alone. Unperturbed, Harry set the tray down on the floor and got out his want.

"Alohomora," Harry said, and the door swung open. Sirius was curled on the bed. He was facing away from the door, but he turned quickly to glare at Harry. Harry hesitated in the doorway. Sirius had clearly been crying, and now he was glaring at Harry, hoping perhaps that anger would conceal the fear behind his eyes. Fear of what?

"You hate me," Sirius said, stating it with such certainty and regret that it almost tore Harry's heart in two.

"What? No!" Harry hurried into the room to kneel beside the bed, so that his face was at the same level as Sirius'. "I could never hate you," he said.

"James would hate me," Sirius was crying again, "I've tried to stop it, I really have, but I can't control my thoughts around you. It's perverted, I know, and I wouldn't blame you at all if you want to leave. I can never be the father you want me to be."

"I don't want you to be a father. How could you be when you didn't enter my life until I was thirteen?" Harry saw the expression on Sirius' face and realised what he'd said. "I'm sorry, that was tactless of me. You know I don't blame you for not being there. The fact of the matter is that I don't think of you as a father and I never will. You're a friend I care about deeply and trust completely."

"Even now?"

"Especially now. You've thought about me sexually?" There was a barely perceptible nod. "And you've done nothing. That proves to me how much I can trust you. If I couldn't, you would have acted on your thoughts without considering my feelings in the matter." He gave Sirius an encouraging smile.

"Thank you," Sirius said in almost a whisper. "I was afraid you'd hate me, afraid you'd want to leave. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

"You never will, I promise." Harry took hold of Sirius' hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Now clean your face and we'll have some lunch."

"Yes, mother," Sirius teased and Harry knew that things would be alright.

* * *

The party was a lively occasion. The Weasleys arrived first, Mrs Weasley half-buried under a pile of birthday presents. Ron launched himself on the food table, declaring that at least here he could eat without worrying there were the twins' products inside. The gramophone played quietly in the background as Harry wandered round, wearing the new dress robes Sirius had given him, greeting them all.

Remus arrived next, carrying Harry's present and a small gift for Sirius. He hugged Sirius cheerfully but, while Sirius was opening the door for Tonks, quietly and seriously asked Harry how things were between the two of them.

"Everything's fine," Harry said, deliberately neglecting to mention the tears of the morning, "but I think Sirius could do with some more company. I mean, Sirius and I get along great together, but if I decide to get a job he could get a bit lonely and, you know him, he 's not likely to take the initiative and go out and meet people. He could do with someone of his own age around."

"You think I should come visit?"

"Well, yeah. The two of you get on so well and, no offence, but with your condition you don't get many friends who can trust you the way Sirius does and do things for you like he has."

Remus smiled, "I know. I'm extremely lucky to have a friend like Sirius."

"He told me that you weren't just friends," Harry said, "and I know he still likes you . . ." Harry let his voice trail off. He really wasn't an expert on this sort of thing, but it was obvious that Sirius needed someone to take his mind off any fantasies he might be having about Harry.

"Are you trying to play matchmaker?" Remus laughed.

"What if I am?" Harry asked, "It's what family do, isn't it? Interfere in one another's social lives."

"That's true enough."

Harry was pulled away then by Hermione, who wanted to talk to him about everything. Her hair was looking a lot less frizzy than usual, and Harry could guess from experience that she'd probably had to spend an hour or ten on that alone.

"How's work?" Harry asked.

"Oh, I can't really tell you about work," Hermione said, "it's all top secret. But I really am enjoying it. I spend most of my time in the Department to be honest, but what we're working on is so fascinating." Harry suspected that if Hermione even tried to tell him what it was she did, he wouldn't understand it. Harry would bet all the gold in Gringotts that her social life was almost non-existent because of whatever fascinating mysteries she was delving into. When she asked what he was up to, he commented about looking for a teaching post.

"Ron said he was applying for a job at Hogwarts," Hermione said.

"He told me. Personally I think he's nuts, there hasn't been a Dark Arts teacher in over two decades who's lasted more than a year."

"With Voldemort gone, there's a lot less danger. Maybe Ron'll be the one to break the jinx."

"Or maybe he'll end up getting a permanent place at St Mungo's."

"I don't think it's a very good idea," Hermione said, "but in the end it's his choice and not ours."

"Yeah, I guess."

It didn't take long for all the guests to arrive and Harry found himself circulating the room as everyone took their turn to wish him a happy birthday and ask him about how he was settling in. Mrs Weasley spent a good time fussing over him and how she wasn't sure that he and Sirius could take care of themselves without help. She worried about who'd make sure they were eating properly and would take care that the house was stocked up with everything they needed in case of emergency.

"Sirius and I will be fine, Mrs Weasley," Harry assured her, "we've got Dobby and the house elves to make sure we get enough of the right food. Besides if we have an emergency, there'll be what we need in here somewhere. The previous owners sold the house fully furnished and stocked."

When Sirius judged the time to be right, he switched off the gramophone and declared that it was present time. A large table was now laden with wrapped parcels for Harry's birthday. Most of them, Harry suspected, came from Sirius. He'd given him the dress robes early, but decided to let the rest of the presents wait until everyone else had arrived.

Harry stood at the table, surrounded by a crowd of curious people, unsure of where to begin. He grabbed the nearest parcel and checked the label before ripping off the paper. A pair of ornamental candlesticks from Ginny. Remus had given Harry some books on dark creatures that he had to keep from reading there and then. Hermione and Ron must have discussed their presents, since Hermione gave him a heavy volume on rare potions and their uses and Ron gave him the ingredients and tools to go with it. Mrs Weasley gave Harry the usual jumper and a selection of home-made cakes. It took a long while to get through the pile, uncovering gobstones, a wizard chess set, a smart wireless, a sweet shop's worth of chocolate and various ornaments.

At last, Harry opened his final present (a huge box of Weasley fireworks from the twins) and thanked everyone. Someone switched on the gramophone again and Harry laughed as Hermione towed Ron into the centre of the room to dance. He wasn't laughing long though, as Ginny grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him into the dance. Tonks was dancing awkwardly with Hagrid and Mr and Mrs Weasley were having a slightly easier time with their dance. A shortage of girls meant that the few there were almost always dancing with someone. Fred and George decided not to bother with girls and leapt into a wildly comic waltz that had everyone stopping to watch.

* * *

Sirius watched Harry dancing and laughing. It was as though this morning had never happened, as though Harry had never discovered Sirius' shameful secret. Sirius had expected Harry to be horrified if he ever learned that Sirius was attracted to him but instead Harry had claimed to trust him more and now Sirius wasn't sure what to feel.

He was glad of course that Harry didn't want to leave, didn't hate him for the filthy thoughts Sirius had tried to stop. But he was afraid. Harry was placing so much trust in him and his self-control. If Sirius gave into his lustful feelings, even for a moment, he would shatter that trust and probably break Harry's heart. Every day it seemed to get harder, watching Harry and knowing he couldn't ever do anything more than watch. He was a starving man, with Harry the bountiful feast he could never so much as taste.

"Knut for your thoughts?" Remus had approached without Sirius noticing.

"Oh, just thinking about Harry," Sirius said, "He seems to be enjoying himself."

"That he does," Remus agreed, "And are you?"

"Of course," Sirius declared. They made there way to a couple of seats at the edge of the room where they could talk comfortably.

"He's trying to set us up, you know," Remus commented.

"Who? Harry?"

"Yeah, he was making comments about how we get on so well and how you still like me." Sirius chuckled. So Harry decided that this was the best way to keep Sirius distracted from him. Well, he made a good choice: Remus could be very distracting.

"Interfering, manipulative, little creep," Sirius muttered just load enough for Remus to hear, but he was laughing as he said it.

"What else could you expect?" Remus asked, "He takes after his father too much." They sat there for a while, watching Harry dancing with Tonks. Sirius wished that Harry could smile that much every day. After everything he had been through, everything that had happened to him, he deserved some happiness. Sirius was determined to give it to him, even at the expense of his own.

"You really love him, don't you?" asked Remus, watching Sirius' expression.

Sirius nodded. "I love him more than I've ever loved anyone." He hadn't realised it until this night. He knew that he loved Harry, but had never quite realised just how much. He knew now that he would give up everything he had and everything he could ever be just to see Harry smiling like this. His dreams and fantasies were nothing, insignificant wants. What mattered most was Harry.

Harry was all that mattered.