Unexpected Choices

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JKR and I'm not making a penny off this.

Chapter 4
Is This The Way It Has To Be?


Hermione walked around the castle for two weeks following her meeting with the headmaster and his deputy, still hearing the echoing, ghostlike melody of their warnings and admonitions floating through her mind. It didn’t matter where she was, or what she was doing. She could hear him remind her: “Regardless of how I feel about Professor Snape, Hermione, he is still the same man inside that he has always been, whether he is 17 or 35 does not matter.”

When she sat alone in her room, working on homework, sometimes her mind would, unbidden, see an image of Severus sitting alone in the library with a pile of textbooks before him as she walked into the library. In her mind she could see him frown in consternation over a problem as he sat secluded from the rest of the students.

Then she would see his eyes change. Their pensive quality would be quickly replaced by a hidden laugh as he noticed her watching him out of the corner of his eye. Smiling back shyly, she could hear own voice speaking softly yet firmly in retort to Dumbledore’s insistence that she was not to become involved with Severus emotionally: “I’m sorry, Professors; but he’s not the same man who grew up to become Professor Snape, he hasn’t lost the life in his eyes, yet.”

When she rounded the corner on her way to Potions Class she could hear Dumbledore’s more compassionate voice state: “There may still be qualities of a younger, more innocent Severus within him at this moment, but he is also the one who made the final decision to become a Death Eater. Who your Professor Snape would become later in life is based directly upon the choices he made during this time in his youth.”

Although these thoughts haunted her days, it was at dinner each evening that Hermione felt the full pressure of her growing feelings for Severus. Sitting down, either beside or across from him, she could see his eyes watching her and feel his presence drawing her further toward him.

Her attraction was palpable, and she knew that the others around her must be reading the same signals that she saw in Severus, and which she knew she sent back to him. The tension grew with each meal, with each day, with each look. Each small, seemingly insignificant, touch propelled them closer to their inevitable admission. But, Hermione had received her orders. She would fight against her feelings regardless of the pain that it was causing her.

Thankfully, the Quidditch season had begun and Ron’s mind was filled with new plays and ploys to try out, so the developments in her relationship with Severus were taking a back seat to more pressing matters, at least in Ron’s perception. Although, a part of her had to admit it was nice to see Harry and Ginny remind Ron that he was not the center of everyone’s universe and that they needed some time for themselves without the presence of Quidditch, or Ron, to make the time pass delightfully.

Hermione watched Ginny’s laughter die in her throat at the sight of her brother’s arms laden with scrolls of plays and diagrams. Ron had once again completely forgotten the fact that every time the couple was alone for a moment they were not having an impromptu planning session for the House Team.

Hermione laughed through Ginny’s groan as Ron dropped down between the pair spilling several scrolls across the table. With quick reflexes honed from hours on the Pitch, Ginny pushed him off the bench so she could sit closer to Harry.

Ron flipped his body, seeming to twirl in the air so that he landed somewhat gracefully on the cold stones; his own reflexes had been perfected by long hours defending the Goal Rings. As he stood before the table dusting the cold from his back, his face was flaming red and his eyes blazing, he heard Ginny’s laughter filled voice ring out, “Great job, Captain. Let’s see how those plans intend to keep you on your broom and off your arse. I hope they are better than the plan you had to get between me and Harry.” She shimmied up to Harry until her side was pressing against Harry’s welcoming form.

“I’m just glad you and Harry are on my team, little sister,” Ron laughed as his anger dissipated as quickly as it arose. Standing behind Ginny, Ron reached out and ruffled the top of her hair burnishing it into a soft halo of shining copper.

“Come on, Ron, why don’t you try sitting here or there.” She pointed to the open seats on either side of her and Harry as she pulled Harry’s arm around her shoulders gently teasing the skin on his wrist.

Rustling his sister’s long red hair playfully, Ron dropped down beside Ginny. “I’m thinking that I should play you as a Beater this season. That was quite a defensive move, little sis.”

“Don’t you ever think of anything other than Quidditch, Ron? I mean really.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder as she flashed a brilliant smile at Harry before moving her head closer to Ron. “I will have little enough time with Harry now. With you starting this again so soon I will not have any time with him at all. I know that you have a practice schedule ready for the season, but when you thought about conditioning our bodies, did you schedule in some quality snogging time?”

Ron sputtered and choked on the pumpkin juice he was drinking. “Eww. Don’t ever tell me that.”

Hitting the back of his head with his palm, he popped open his eyes.

“Ron, what are you doing?” Harry asked with a strange quirk to his voice.

“Trying…. to…. knock… the… image… of … you … and … MY … SISTER… SNOGGING… OUT… OF… MY… HEAD.”

“No, Ron, I’m serious.” Ginny stated without a hint of her normal playfulness. Leaning closer, she whispered, “I need time with Harry and I’m sure Hermione would like to remember what you look like without your uniform on. I bet she would like to have more than brief memory of you wrapped around something other than a broomstick.”

Blushing furiously, Ron turned to Hermione and smiled awkwardly as he watched her laugh innocently and shake her head at his usual antics. Silently, he thanked the gods that she had not heard his sister’s advice, since it was almost verbatim the summary of their last argument.

“It’s nice to see you smile and laugh again.”

Hermione heard the silky tones of a deep voice roll up her spine as a tall shadow fell over her shoulder. All thoughts of the ongoing argument between Ron and Ginny evaporated from her mind as Hermione felt Severus move closer to her.

Shaking her head, Hermione looked over and watched Severus fold his body to slide gracefully onto the bench beside her.

“At times like this I think Ron forgets that I even exist.”

“I wouldn’t,” he said, his voice so soft that Hermione almost thought she had imagined him saying it.

“No, Severus, seriously, look at them. The only way I could possibly get his attention right now is if I put on his Quidditch robe and danced with his broom on this table.”

Severus turned his gaze from her to the trio as their heads merged around the scroll that Ron had unrolled on the table where he had mindlessly pushed aside the large platters filled with food. Hermione could only make out a few scattered words as the three mentally envisioned themselves following the Quaffle around the pitch amidst feints, dives, and rolls.

Severus bent his head so close to Hermione’s that she could feel the silky, soft, baby-fine hair brush against her neck as he moved.

“But really look at him, Hermione. Do you see what I do, a boy who has no clue about what is important in life? Is that what you really want? Why should you have to become enamored with Quidditch? What does he give back to you to equal that?”

Swallowing hard, Hermione appeared to sit in stony silence, but inside she was a tangle of raw nerves. Trying to gain control over herself and the sensations that electrified her body, she glanced up at the dais as she felt Dumbledore’s eyes bore into her. She let her head fall further down to rest onto her chest as she slid a tiny bit away from Severus with a sigh.

Wincing, she felt Severus pull away from her creating a greater distance between them. Looking at him from under her bangs as she searched in her bag for her quill, Hermione caught the look of hurt in his eyes quickly camouflage itself into a wicked smirk.

“Don’t deny it, Hermione,” he continued in the wake of her silence, “there is more to the world than just what exists within the Hogwarts’ Quidditch Pitch. Think of everything that is out there in the world just waiting to be discovered and tried. You are smart enough to do anything you want, to achieve anything you desire. Don’t let a little boy and a big ball determine the rest of your life for you.”

Looking up, Hermione locked eyes with Severus as she moved to reach for her cup of Pumpkin Juice.

“Severus, I….”

But as she steeled herself to respond to him another flash from her conversation with the headmaster came back to her: “If he had not had to come and confess, of his own free will, the things he had done as a Death Eater, what would have become of him, Hermione? Severus needed to have those moments of introspection to find out who he was and what he was capable of becoming given time. There was always something about him that walked on the dark side of the razor’s edge.”

“I… I’m sorry. I’m just not feeling well tonight. I… I’ll see everyone later.” She jumped up and quickly left the dining hall leaving everyone at the table staring at her retreating back.

“Hermione, where are you going?” Ginny’s voice called out as she felt the table shudder under the force of Hermione’s explosion from her seat.

“I have to figure out the answer to … to this Arithmancy problem from class… I think I just figured out the angle,” she quickly lied in a way that broadcasted to everyone that she had just made up the reason for her departure.

“Don’t think about me. I’ll figure it out… you just keep working on winning that Cup for Gryffindor, okay?” Flashing a bright smile at Ginny, she turned and left the hall.

“What did you say to her?” Ron demanded as he glared across the table at Severus.

“Nothing at all,” Severus said coldly. Picking up his fork, Severus lifted his head and glared at Ron. Spearing a large piece of roast, he lifted the fork, but before it reached his lips, he continued, “Although, maybe if you paid a little bit of attention to her rather than messing up your sister’s relationship you might have a clue about what happened here tonight.”

And then, in a move of total dismissal, Severus ate his food without another word or glance.

“That’s absurd. Hermione knows that we can’t win the House Cup without taking the Quidditch Cup this year. Didn’t you hear her? This is important information.” He picked up the scroll with his tactics for the new season and waved it at Severus across the table.

Severus looked at the scroll as if it was the most absurd and useless piece of paper ever created.

“I know that I just can’t live another day without more details of your plan for the ‘Reverse Flying Super Duper Loopdy-Loo’ Move.”

“You have no idea what you are talking about,” Ron spat out, shaking his head disgustedly.

“Severus! I’m sure that Hermione has told you properly, that it’s not a Loopdy-Loo.” Leaning over the table, Ginny bent toward him, and in a conspiratorial voice continued, “That was last year’s fiasco. This year it’s a Flip-I-Dee-Flop,” Ginny laughed as she watched Ron’s face grow as red as his hair as she slowly enunciated each made up syllable.

“Hermione would not tell anyone about my plans for this season, Ginny, and you know it.”

“Come on, Ron, you know he’s just trying to get under your skin. Just let it go.” Harry’s voice came through the air calmly.

“But, he said Hermione said…”

“Think about it, Ron. Does Hermione EVER pay any attention at all to your plans and schemes for the House Team?” Harry said tiredly.

“Well, Ronald, what does that tell you?” Severus’ voice shot icily across the table.

Ron continued speaking to Harry, ignoring Severus’ comment, “Well, not really. But if he is going to critique me, maybe he should get out on the field and show us all this talent he has been hinting at.”

“Well, maybe we could get him a broom and set up a match, then?” Ginny’s eyes were glowing with anticipation for a fun ‘friendly’ match.

“I’m sure it would be fun,” Severus’ voice droned out.

“Fine. It’s done then. I’ll get you a broom,” Ron’s voice was tight with anger as a smug look crossed his face. “Hey, I’ll owl Fred and George and see if we could get a full game going. We can call up the reserves from Gryffindor and give them a full work out as well. Ginny, you want to practice Seeking? I’d like to see you and Harry face off.”

Ron continued to prattle on about his plans for the game and orchestrating a match that he was sure would set the mark for ‘social’ playing in the future.

“Say, Ginny, could you pass the gravy?” asked Severus.

Then, with a twinkle in his eye and a smirk as she turned the gravy pitcher toward him, handle first, he said loudly, “Oops, no Ginny, carefully, ohh don’t spill that…”

Startled, Ginny jerked her hand up and almost dropped the full gravy boat, but she managed to recover quickly, only dropping one dark brown blotch which splattered on the table.

Severus smiled darkly. “Oh my, that was really close Ginny. I wouldn’t want anything to drip on those precious plans. I’m not sure if we could count on Ron remembering all the plays and feints on those scrolls. Without them, I’m afraid that Slytherin might win the cup. I would hate to see all of Captain Weasley’s planning this summer be ruined by a careless spot of gravy.”

Ginny’s laughter filled the room, but it was Harry’s strong arms that kept Ron from jumping over the table and pulling out his wand to hex Severus.

***********

“Is this what you wanted, Albus?” Minerva’s voice broke into Dumbledore’s reverie as he sat watching the scene play out before him.

“It’s not what I want, Minerva. It’s what must happen.”

“This hurts her too much to just let this continue. What do you know that you will not tell us?”

“There are some things that I cannot reveal, even to you, my love. If I felt that I could, don’t you think I would have told you? Have I ever kept anything from you intentionally?”

Sadly, Minerva shook her head. “No, Albus, you have not.”

“I promise to tell you soon,” he said somberly.

Looking up, Minerva saw the empty spot where Hermione had been seated moments before and watched as Severus’ eyes drifted to the seat. Minerva observed how her charges interacted with each other, the wide berth that surrounded Severus like a bubble, as students, in their own subtle way, continued to put a “safe” distance between them and their ex-Professor’s younger self.

She also smiled as she watched Harry pull a parchment from Ron and unroll it, carefully examining the contents and making a flying gesture with his open palm trying to ease the younger man’s mind.

“Is this how it has to be? Must we form a rift in Gryffindor Tower to make whatever you think must happen occur?” she asked through clenched teeth as she threw her napkin to the floor and rose and from the table.

“Minerva, I would like to see you after last bed check this evening. We will discuss this then.”

“Until then,” she replied sharply, and with a quick nod of her head, she strode from the room.

But during her heated exchange with Albus, she never noticed as Ginny stretched her arm across the table and gently brushed a finger over Severus’ knuckle. Severus moved as if he had been shot, pulling back his arm and poised to strike; however, when his jet black eyes locked with Ginny’s clear blue ones, he felt the fight die from within. The openness and compassion in the depths of her eyes spoke of more than just Gryffindor courage, but of the compassion that could be found in any hero’s heart.

“No, Minerva, that is what I was hoping for,” Albus whispered as he took a teacake off the dessert tray and happily munched on it.


***********

Later that night, after evening curfew, Hermione walked through the castle on her nightly rounds as she herded the lost first-years to their common rooms and broke up the liaisons of the sixth and seventh-years. As she turned toward her room by Gryffindor Tower, she saw Severus walking alone, and she quickly slipped behind a statue.

Again she heard her voice from her conversation with the headmaster: “But, just think of all the pain we could save him if he were able to find his more honorable side directly.”

Then Dumbledore’s retort, “But sometimes, great sacrifices precede great victories, Miss Granger.”

“I’M GOING OUT OF MY MIND!” she screamed aloud in frustration to the empty hall.


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Cheers,
Susan