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All\'s Fair In Love And War	By : jameschick Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 21683 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Confusion and Hope

I should be happy.
This is what I wanted after all; Blaise is gone, run off to join the Dark Lord and broken Harry's heart. This is what I wanted. So why do I feel so bad? Why am I feeling guilt? I didn't do anything; say anything. I had nothing to do with Zabini's decision. He doesn't even know that I was aware of his and Potter's relationship. I should be happy about this.
But I'm not.
The reason I'm not happy is sitting down by the lake. He's come out here, to this spot, every day since the Holidays started. Actually since the night before they started. The night Zabini broke things off with him.
I knew the minute Blaise came storming into the common room that it was over. The curse he flung at the third year boy who had been gleefully telling a tale of how he'd seen Potter running through the hall - crying like a baby - had only confirmed it. I waited until Zabini had stormed off to his room - slamming the door behind him, before I left.
It wasn't hard to find Harry. After nearly seven years of watching him, I knew where he would go. I found him sitting by the lake, beneath the tree, just as I knew I would. He had obviously been very upset as he had run out here without a cloak. I wasn't sure if I should, but watching him, shivering with cold as tears ran down his cheeks, I knew I had to, so I approached him.
I didn't say anything. What could I say after all? He didn't know that I knew what happened and I couldn't tell him. So I offered him my handkerchief, and then I removed my cloak, settled it around his shoulders and with what I hope was a sympathetic look, I turned and left him to his solitude.
I didn't go far, just far enough to let him believe he was alone.
I must have stood there for hours, freezing, until he finally got up and went inside. I didn't care, I would have watched over him all night if I'd had to. I followed him back in, keeping my distance and almost wept for him when Granger and Weasley approached - all coupley and smiling.
Harry is a great actor. His friends never noticed that his laughter was forced, or that his smile didn't reach his eyes. They asked him where he'd been and when he made up some lame excuse about getting lost in the dungeons they bought it. Even I know that Harry would be one of the last people to get lost in this school. He knows it almost as well as Dumbledore himself. How do I know this? Well, let's just say that Potter isn't the only one with an invisibility cloak and a habit of night wandering. Many times I've followed him around at night and I hate to admit it, but he knows the dungeons better than I do - and that's saying something.
The next morning, I followed my housemates down to the carriages to see them off. It wasn't as selfless as it sounds; I knew Potter would be there to see the Weasel off, and I knew that seeing Blaise would hurt him. I didn't know what I would be able to do for him, but I had to be there.
The Weasel of course made things worse by calling attention to the fact that Parkinson was draped along Blaise's side like a limpet. He couldn't just leave it alone, no, he had to go on and on about it. For some bizarre reason, anyone who isn't in Slytherin seems to believe that Pansy and I are betrothed. I suppose the Weasel thought he was being clever, calling attention to the fact that my fiance was obviously cheating on me. I was never so bloody grateful to see Thestrals in all of my life.
Harry kept his head high as he walked back to school, but I could tell he was hurting. I saw him go toward the lake so I hurried to my room and got my invisibility cloak before joining him.
I've done this for the past three days. He sits, staring out at the lake. Sometimes he cries, sometimes he doesn't. But for all that he thinks he's alone, he's not. He hasn't been alone since the carriages left.
The night Zabini was marked, I awoke from my sleep in Harry's room - where I had taken to using Finnegan�s bed as it was the furthest from Harry's - to hear him moaning in his sleep. I slowly approached his bed and as I got closer, I heard him whispering between the sounds of pain. Things like, no, and please don't, and Blaise. I thought he was merely having a bad dream, remembering the break up. Then I noticed his forehead was bleeding. His scar had split open and blood was trickling from it.
Then it got worse.
Oh, I'd heard the rumours - that Harry was mind-linked to Voldemort, that he got visions of what the Dark Lord was up to, even that he had been possessed by him once or twice - but I'd never believed them to be true before then.
I heard Voldemort speak through Harry's mouth.
I listened in horror as Harry spoke his words, commanding Zabini to offer his arm, heard him whisper the spell that would forever bind them together. My mouth went dry and my skin crawled as I realized that Harry was seeing all of it. That he was trapped, forced to watch as his lover - ex-lover - gave himself over willingly to the dark. As he became of them, the enemy to which Harry was pledged to defeat. I tried to wake him up, willing to expose myself if it could end his torment.
It didn't work.
And so I sat beside him, I held his hand and rubbed his arm, and whispered comforting words to him. I told him I was sorry, that he wasn't alone, that I would help him through this. Eventually, he quieted, and when his breathing had evened out and he was fast asleep once more, I brushed my lips over his cheek, detangled our fingers and went back to my bed. I watched over him for the rest of the night.
Last night after Harry came in from the lake, I went to Dumbledore. I explained to him that I had no wish to join the Death Eaters, that I feared for my safety should I go home after Graduation and that I was seeking sanctuary. In return, I told him everything that I knew about the Dark Lord, his Death Eaters, my mother's involvement, and that Zabini, should he return after break, should be watched carefully - if not expelled immediately - seeing as he had been initiated.
Needless to say, he asked how I was aware of this. I couldn't tell him that I'd been following Harry, that I'd overheard his vision; so I lied to him. I told him that I'd seen the letter from Blaise's father. Somehow, I don't think he believed me. That annoying twinkle in his eyes was the brightest I've ever seen it.
And now, as I sit here, a few feet away from Harry, I know I can't do this anymore. I can't stand by and play silent witness to his pain. He needs someone. A friend, a confidant. Perhaps just a willing shoulder to cry on. Having made up my mind, I silently discard my Invisibility cloak, tuck it into my bag and approach Harry. He doesn't move as I settle in behind him, as I wrap him in my arms. "Shh," I tell him. "It's okay to cry, Harry. Let it out, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'll help you through this."
He sniffles loudly and relaxes against me. I begin to pet him gently, soothingly. "I know it hurts but it will get better, I promise. I know he hurt you, but the pain will fade in time. You're not alone, Harry. I care for you and I won't leave you."
Just knowing that he isn't alone seems to break through the barriers he's erected and he begins to sob almost violently in my arms. I gently rock us back and forth the way my mum used to do with me when I was little. It always made me feel better and I hope it works with Harry as well.
We stay like this for what seems forever. Me with my arms around him, my fingers running through his hair as I sway us back and forth. And him, slowly coming back to himself as his sobs taper, his tears dry up and the tension in his body relaxes. I know he'll have questions for me. Such as why, and how did you know, and maybe even why do you care.
I can't tell him everything of course, but I'll be as honest as possible.
For now though, I think it's time I took him inside. The sun has set long ago and it is getting colder by the minute. Releasing Harry, I slowly get to my feet and offer him my hand. "Come on, Harry. Let me take you inside before you catch your death." For a full minute he just sits there, staring at my outstretched hand and then it hits me; we've been here once before.
Finally, he reaches out, his fingers curl around my palm and I can't help but smile as I pull him to his feet. This time, he didn't refuse me. Perhaps there is hope for me yet.
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All\'s Fair In Love And War