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The Evil and Nefarious MST's of Lord Alexander	By : Sal Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1557 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
A/N — again, as ever, NC17 slash herein. Flee to the hills if this does not meet your approval. If it does, sit back, grab a beer and a cigarette, and let yourself go

Also, I admit before you all that I am a horrible and despicable Peter Pettigrew lover. Again, killing me is not an option

Dedicated, as always, to the author of the piece, Kudra.

Chapter IV — Friends? Always Handy

In a cunning attempt to make the intrepid captives remove their trousers, Alexander orders the heating to be turned up full in the dungeon. Yes, it is a very modern castle for who wants to torture cute young men in a damp and chilly room? However, this ruse does not entirely work. Lupin is the first to crack, wriggling out of his faded combats (useful for keeping essentials like his wand, spellbooks and the oh so important lubricants—just in case obviously) and showing the world his cute little midnight blue boxer briefs that have teensy little silver (oh, the irony!) wolves running over them.

*the author senses that wolfy boxer briefs may be something that will run and run and run*

The others refuse to rise to the machinations of the evil young lord, and keep their trousers firmly attached to their person. Unfortunately. No gratuitous naked Snape shots in this instalment.

*the author decides whether or not to sulk until*

>>SEVERUS — I spy with my beady eye something beginning with ‘s'
>>REMUS - —Sirius?
>>JAMES - —Snape?
>>SIRIUS - —stone?
>>JAMES - —sausages?
>>SEVERUS — none of them—sausages?
>>REMUS — *dreamily* I could do with a nice meaty sausage to nibble on
>>SEVERUS — are you sure you don't mean suck?
>>SIRIUS - —sunlight?
>>JAMES - —Susan Sarandon?
>>SIRIU—sodomy?
*a while passes. A long while*
>>SEVERUS - *complete with Raised Eyebrow ™* Give up?
>>THE OTHER—YESSSSSS!'
>>SEVERUS - *look of triumph in those glorious eyes* Spanish Donkey! I am the champion! I am the best! Bow before me Gryffindor scum, prostrate yourselves at my feet
*this is met by looks of utter bewilderment*
>>SIRIUS — what the hell is a Spanish Donkey? *Snape points out an iron V-shaped structure*
>>JAMES — doesn't look like one to me? Doesn't have a sombrero
>>SIRIUS — or castanets
>>REMUS — look between its back legs then
>>SEVERUS - *superior tone* The Spanish Donkey; a torture device. A person is placed astride the pointed apex and weights are added to their legs, increasing gradually. As the weight get heavier, the person is gradually split in two by the force exerted. Used by the Inquisition
>>JAMES — is that along with the cushions?
>>SIRIUS — and the comfy chair?
>>REMUS — because no-body expects the—
>>ALL — SPANISH INQUISITION!
>>REMUS — seriously though, how many ways of torture do you know?
>>SEVER — *promptly* 26, give or take the separate ways of beheading
>>SIRIUS — ah, the joys of a career as a Death Eater
>>SEVERUS — who said I learnt them when I was with Voldemort?

As if called by some bizarre magnet that propels him towards the dungeon when Severus is talking about torture, Alexander arrives. For some reason he is carrying a small plastic aquarium

>>BRECON — not much time for me to stay; have to go and flagellate my gimp in a moment *he sets the tank of the floor*
>>JAMES — you have a gimp?
>>REMUS — you are so not butch enough to have a gimp
>>BRECON — but—but I've always wanted one, so mummy bought me one for my twentieth first birthday
>>SEVERUS — most little girls ask for a pony
>>SIRIUS — go on, Snape, offer him a ride *met with icy stare*
>>BRECON — anyway—I thought I better allow the other person in thive-ive-way lust session to have his say, so I borrowed him for the day off a very close friend *he reaches into the tank and brings out a fat grey rat. You've guessed it — one toe missing*
>>REMUS — I feel nauseous
>>JAMES — did Moony have his was with Pettigrew?
>>SIRIUS — put it this way, James. It's not nice wandering into your dorm to find a fat boy and a werewolf licking marmalade off each other. Especially when one is tied down with a wand up his ar—
>>SEVERUS — please, we do not need to know the details, Black!
>>SIRIUS — just thought a nice metal image was an appropriate thing to insert there
>>REMUS — that's what Peter said about the wand
>>BRECON— by the way, I did try and bring Wormtail back as a human, but the space-time continuum of mine means that he will be a rat until he leaves
>>JAMES — how is he going to make comments?
>>BRECON — by squeaking, of course *gives James a look as if to ask how stupid the Gryffindor actually is*

Author : Kudra
Title: Closer Than He Thought. (1/?)
Pairing: Snape/James/Sirius/Remus/Peter - yep - read and you'll see...

>>SIRIUS — would that make the orgy record in Hogwarts?
>>JAMES — there's an orgy record?!
>>SEVERUS — you know who it's held by, don't you?
>>JAMES — don't tell me. Does the word Slytherin appear anywhere in this?
>>REMUS — nope. It was the entire house of Hufflepuff and their house master, in 1941
>>JAMES — HUFFLEPUFF!
>>SIRIUS — I suppose that's the advantage of giving good head

Disclaimers: I don't own these precious boys, J.K. Rowling does, I'm doing this for love, not money. Nuff said.

>>SEVERUS — foolish female
>>SIRIUS — have you no romantic soul, Snape? Do you not do things because you love them?
>>SEVERUS — yes. Torture, mass poisonings

Summary: Severus Snape has had a rotten day. How does he react though when he comes across the Gryffindor Four engaging in a most unexpected activity?

>>JAMES — playing darts while dressed in nothing but noodles?
>>REMUS — acting outnry nry IV, part I?'

Note: this story is set in 7th year of the MWPP era. All the boys are 17 :)

>>SEVERUS — still four years under the age of consent, at the time, for homosexuals in the British Isles! Why does everyone seem to do this! It's illegal! It's wrong! It's sick and perverse!
>>SIRIUS — what is it that tells me that real Snape is going to enjoy this as much as AU Snape will?

Note 2: This is SLASH - ie men having SEX with men - well they will be shortly anyway and depending on your definition of sex, they are in this first chapter too - expect graphic descriptions of everything. Heheh. Reviews & crits mucho appreciated ... especially if I'm gonna let you know what happens next...!

REMUS — these notes go on for ever, don't they?
SIRIUS — I see that Brecon has chosen down the slash passage again
SEVERUS —now that sounds painful

It had been a particularly depressing day for Severus Snape.

>>JAMES — this must have been written by someone in school with us. So accurate!
>>SEVERUS — I was not always depressed, sometimes I was quite happy
>>REMUS — so depression was not the reason you listened to The Cure, wore black nail varnish and scowled at everyone?
>>SEVERUS — that was a lifestyle choice
>>SIRIUS — or an affliction
>>SEVERUS — just because you were a punk doesn't mean everyone had to be
>>SIRIUS — just because you were depressed you didn't have to inflict it on us—Remus, are you okay? *the werewolf has gone into a trance-like state*
>>REMUS — hmmmm, wha'? Sorry—carried away by memories of Sirius' bondage trousers—*happy sigh*

He had had absolutely no luck in turning his hedgehog into a pincushion in Transmogrification class,

>>JAMES — we'll just presume they mean Transfiguration and move on, shall we?

and his hands still stung from tending the Lightning Eels in Care of Magical Creatures. At this rate he'd be lucky to pass his N.E.W.T.s at all at the end of the year.

>>SEVERUS — pah! I always did well in upper sixth. This is slanderous, you know
>>REMUS — so sue them
>>SEVERUS — for what? Considering this was probably written by a teenage girl who spends most of her money on makeup and Cosmopolitan, I'm sure all I'd get is £2.50 in assorted loose change, sparkly lipgloss and possibly a teddy bear called Snugglebum.
>>SIRIUS — as opposed to you, who when you were seventeen were spending cash on makeup and porn
>>REMUS — and as everyone knows, Cosmo is little more than sexual titillation in acceptable form—I really should buy it one of these days
>>JAMES — ah, the advantages of wizard porn

At lunch, he had been subjected to yet another practical joke - someone (no guesses who, or whom)

>>SIRIUS — is the author referring to us?
>>JAMES — she can't be! I mean, we would never play a practical joke on our dear friend Snape, would we?
>>SIRIUS — never!
>>SEVERUS — unless you include the times that you set fire to my hair, turned me into a fetish demon, stole my clothes when I was in the shower, removed all of my body hair with that remover that you persuaded me would be good for the eczema that you gave me
>>SIRIUS — I never set fire to your hair! You were just standing too close when I lit a cigarette and the grease caught alight!
>>SEVERUS — I had second degree burns!
>>JAMES — god, it was amusing
>>PETER — squeak! Sqeaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueak!
>>REMUS — I think he's trying to giggle

had managed to slip a few drops of Bubotuber pus into his pumpkin juice and the resultant mouth ulcers had sent him to the Hospital wing for the afternoon.

>>REMUS — didn't we do that in first year?
>>SIRIUS — yeah. That was juvenilia— by upper sixth we were on to much more fun stuff
>>JAMES — remember when we turned him into a girl?
>>SIRIUS — and you were dead jealous because Severina Snape had more spectacular legs than Lily?
>>JAME—
>>REMUS — but you have to admit that Snape does have nice legs
>>SEVERUS - *evil grin—swoon* even better when they are wrapped around your hips, Lupin *James and Sirius look horrified, but the other two exchange rather satisfied glances*

Now all Severus wanted to do was to get away from everyone and everything in this horrid place and be alone. Released earlier than he had expected with a warning not to drink anything hot for 24 hours,

>>REMUS — no giving oral for Sevi then

he barely looked where he was going as he swept down stairs, through hallways, past the drone of Professors and the muffled sounds of classroom activity. Afternoon classes were not yet over, but he knew he would not be missed, not with a medical condition covering him for the rest of the afternoon.

>>JAMES — a medical condition covering him?
>>SIRIUS — must have been referring to his eczema then
>>REMUS — unless the ulcers had spread

He soon found himself outside, the sun beginning to lower in the cloudy sky and a brisk breeze picking up. He relaxed somewhat feeling the breeze stir his hair and cool the angry, frustrated flush on his cheeks,

>>JAMES — ah! That's why you were always so uptight! You were frustrated
>>SIRIUS — that explains everything, it really does
>>REMUS — that doesn't figure
>>SIRIUS — of course. You were around. That means that most of the school couldn't have been frustrated
>>REMUS — you seem to think I'm a right little whore!
>>THE OTHERS — ‘that's exactly what we're saying' ‘whore? I thought you had to pay whores' ‘SQUEAK! SQUEAK!' —not so much whore as mighty shagmonster'
>>REMUS — I can't help it — it's the lycanthropy
>>JAMES — I thought it was called an overactive libido

and his direction now was less clear. Almost aimlessly he found himself headed in the direction of the Quidditch pitch,

>>JAMES — what the hell would you do doing going to the Quidditch pitch? You don't even like quidditch
>>REMUS — ogling—best place to do it.
>>SIRIUS — apart from the showers—that hole that was drilled into the wall. You could see everything!
>>SEVERUS — yes, it was rather revealing, that little hole. Who drilled it?
>>REMUS - *puts his hand up*
>>JAMES — there was a hole in the changing room and you were all perving at us?!
>>SIRIUS — yes. By the end of the year we were selling tickets. However, the demand was so high that things had to be decided by lottery

but then something caught his eye - over by the gardening sheds, a boy walking briskly but cautiously, facing away from him and heading to an archway between two of the sheds. The boy turned and looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was witness to his passing.

>>REMUS — R.I.P. Sirius Black. May you rest in peace between the potting sheds

Snape had managed to be standing conveniently close to a tree and, not wanting to be seen, he slipped behind it. He realised, even with his half-hidden view, that the boy was none other than Sirius Black, and he watched as Sirius turned back, apparently satisfied that he wasn't being observed, and continued through the low archway.

>>SEVERUS — how interesting

How interesting, thought Snape.

>>SIRIUS — this person does know you, Snape

Though the sight of Black had renewed Snapes' desire to skive off and sulk by himself and hate the world and every smarmy high-horsed Gryffindor in it,

>>JAMES — Padfoot's right, you know. This person has got you down to a tee

his curiosity about where Sirius Black was going and what he could possibly be up to got the better of him.
Snape stepped lightly and soundlessly out from behind the tree, watching with hawklike eyes for any sign of either teachers or other students. Quickly, he followed where Black had disappeared, and stepped between the two sheds.

>>REMUS — lightly and soundlessly indeed! You could hear him coming from a mile off
>>SIRIUS — yes, we got used to the screaming when you got him up the Astrology Tower
>>SEVERUS — so that's what it's called nowadays

The archway led into a narrow passage, the roof on either side overgrown with creeping vines, filtering the cool afternoon sunlight and shadow into a fuzzy greenish tinged haze.

>>JAMES — anyone else ever had Absinthe? After that all you can see is a fuzzy greenish tinged haze
>>SEVERUS — no, but I'm expecting Kylie Minogue to appear from nowhere in very short shorts and dance around, then multiply until sixteen of her are flitting about
>>SIRIUS — how do you know so much pop culture, Snape?
>>SEVERUS — what do you think I with my time? Mark homework and brood?
>>JAMES — concoct stuff
>>SIRIUS — masturbate
>>PETER — SQUEAK! Squeaksqueakchattersqueakhisshiss!
>>REMUS — Wormtail! That's physically impossible without a six foot piece of washing line, a twelve bore shotgun and a mongoose!
>>JAMES — you can understand him?
>>REMUS — I'm beginning to, but he's got a funny dialect. He sounds a bit Norwegian
>>SEVERUS — what can you expect? Look at him — an ancient example of Rattus Norvegicus. Of course he's going to sound Scandinavian

As he progressed down the passageway, he heard voices, and he stepped cautiously now, being careful not to make a sound.

"We thought you'd never get here! What was it, that fiesty young McGonagall after your nuts again?" jeered someone in a slightly muffled voice, as if through fabric. Snape stepped closer, straining to hear.

>>JAMES — as I recall, they were pistachio, weren't they? *the others give him a funny look, especially reserved for Jamesisms*
>>REMUS — I'm more interested in this straining
>>SIRIUS — oh Moony, you would be
>>SEVERUS — it also sounds like one of you, well I presume it is one of you because if not I want out of this story now
>>SIRIUS — does that mean if it is us you want to stay in, Severus?

"Ah, give me a break", said a voice Snape recognised as Black's. "I had to fake an allergic reaction to kittens to get away. You're lucky you're not taking that second Transmogrification class with her, it's hell." He heard low chuckles in response and calculated there were at least three people there.

>>SIRIUS — why would I be taking a second Transmogrification class with her? One was bad enough
>>SEVERUS — extreme form of masochism?
>>REMUS — the only masochism he likes is
>>SIRIUS - *interrupting* don't say it..
>>SEVERUS — please, enlighten me
>>SIRIUS - *panicking* please, don't
>>REMUS — being tickled
>>JAMES — we knew that already, Moony
>>SEVERUS — I thought it was going to be far worse—but I shall file that away under ‘interesting information to use on people I dislike'
>>SIRIUS — you have a file like that?
>>SEVERUS — of course I do. Potters senior and junior hate people cracking their knuckles. Pettigrew was allergic to peppermint chewing gum. Remus has this fear of being blindfolded and lashed to the bed with leather thongs and then getting a lit candle and—
>>THE OTHERS — NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SQUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAKKKKKKK!

Snape was very close to them now, and he cautiously peered around the corner separating him from the group, his face and body well hidden behind creeping vines which trailed down over a pergola-like structure covering a small courtyard between the sheds.

>>REMUS — someone is into gardening
>>JAMES — Professor Sprout, probably
>>SEVERUS — you do know she is a lesbian, don't you?
>>SIRIUS — never! Well that explains a lot
>>JAMES — especially the copy of ‘Which Witch?' I found in her desk
>>REMUS — personal ads never work
>>SIRIUS — imagine Snape's; Tall dark wizard, no SOH, wishes to find hippogriff for meaningful relationship. Must be into sci-fi, classical music and world domination (or other domination, wink wink)

Standing close together were Sirius Black, as expected, and his three Gryffindor cronies: Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, and of course, James Potter. Potter and Black were standing together, the other boys separated from each other, making something of a triangle. He could see Black's and Potter's faces most clearly, and Peter Pettigrews' profile too - Lupin's back was to him but he knew it was Remus Lupin sure enough, having sat directly behind him in Charms for several years.

>>REMUS — and the silver hair is a dead giveaway
>>JAMES — what I've always wondered—forgive me Moony—is your hair silver all over?
>>THE OTHERS — ‘of course it is' ‘yes, Potter you freak' ‘SQUEAK!'
>>JAMES — how did I know that was going to happen

Snape blinked. He realised, looking down to the boys' robes, that they were all unfastened, thrown back over shoulders and in Potter's case, removed altogether with only a longshirt covering his lanky thin body. His legs were bare, covered in fine dark hairs. Snape looked away, frowning in confusion, distaste and embarrassment. What the hell was going on?

>>REMUS — aha! I sense sex arriving on the Hogwarts Express of storyline
>>SIRIUS — that would have livened up the journey a bit
>>SEVERUS - *Smug Look ™* it did
>>JAMES — how? Where?
>>SEVERUS — although you have proved yourself lacking in any knowledge about the sexual act, I'm sure I don't have to explain it. In the toilet
>>SIRIUS — with? That was a really idiotic question
>>JAMES — anyway, what is so wrong with my legs?
>>PETER — SqueakchatterchattersqueakSQUEAK!
>>REMUS — he says they are lovely, and you have fabulous thigh muscles
>>JAMES — I'm being chatted up by a rat
>>SIRIUS — not to mention a treacherous rat
>>SEVERUS — that's not even a true rodent
>>SIRIUS — sounds like when we used to go on the pull in Hogsmeade, Jamie

He looked back up, and a tense hush seemed to have settled on the four Gryffindors. Black's eyes gleamed, and seemed to be full of mischief, defiance, and something else Snape couldn't readily identify. Potter leaned against him, casting an arm over his shoulder and eyeing his friend speculatively.

>>REMUS — knowing Prongs, he's probably thinking how much he could sell your organs for?
>>JAMES — a kidney is worth £13,000, according to the grapevine
>>SIRIUS — the grapevine? You have a grapevine?
>>JAMES — I'm dead. I know what happens to dead people. Once they've popped their clogs it's out with the liver and a nice new car for the family
>>SEVERUS — you've got that money-making gleam in your eye, Potter
>>JAMES — wondering how much I could get for your heart—oops, forgot you haven't got one

"Go on", murmured Peter Pettigrew. His voice was full of eager anticipation and his shrewish face

>>PETER - *bad tempered* SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
>>REMUS — No you weren't. He says he was far better looking than that
>>SEVERUS — hehehe! You shagged Shrewboy!
>>JAMES — calling him that gives a bad name to shrews. Remus — did you have to tame him?
>>SIRIUS — NO! No more puns or jokes, James!

showed keen interest in the motions of Sirius Black's hands, which were moving toward his robe fastenings. Snape winced in distaste at the expression on the boys face, but felt himself just as strangely drawn to James' hands.

>>REMUS — well, why wouldn't you be. Let me tell you that personal experience has shown that the men with the biggest hands
>>JAMES — I can see what is coming
>>REMUS - *triumphantly* have the biggest feet!
>>SIRIUS — you so changed that. You were going to say something else, Moony
>>REMUS — what was I going to say?
>>SIRIUS — just say it!
>>REMUES — no, you say it
>>SEVERUS — I'll say it! COCK! Now stop being whiny little bitches and move on
>>SIRIUS — Remus is the bitch
>>REMUS — no I'm not! Sirius is so the bitch!
>>SEVERUS - *getting all angry and masterful—dribble—* you are both the bitches! Now shut the fuck up before I go for you with the branding irons. Is that clear?!
>>SIRIUS — christ Snape— *the delicious torture-loving Potions master makes a lunge for the irons* —okay, okay. I'm being quiet now
>>REMUS — by the way—did you really mean it when you mentioned the branding irons?
>>SEVERUS — YES!
>>REMUS - *muttering away to himself* I do hope that is a promise

They fumbled softly with the cords, his robes pulling aside and then a flicker of reddened taut skin nudged up between his fingers, the tiniest glistening bead of moisture on the indentation in firm flesh.

>>JAMES — what?
>>SEVERUS — you don't know anything, do you? Erection, you fool. Yours to be precise
>>JAMES — well I don't sit in my dungeon day after day reading fanfic and wanking, do I. I have more important things to do, like be a corpse

James grinned sideways at Peter, his eyes flickered across to Remus and then almost owl-like his head turned to James Potter, their faces only inches apart. James leaned casually on Sirius's shoulder, and Snape almost gasped in horror as he saw James' free hand sliding under his longshirt, where a suspicious bulge had appeared.

>>SIRIUS — my head hurts. Can someone please explain who and where and what is happening in this bit?
>>REMUS — it is a bit of a mess, isn't it?
>>SEVERUS — a bit? It's like seeing a seventy car pileup on the M4

Snape was close to panicking and running - this was too weird and frightening and unexpected and.... and.... and he couldn't tear his eyes away.

>>REMUS — Snape, you were always so hot for us, weren't you?
>>SEVERUS — well, if heat and ice are in the same bracket, yes
>>SIRIUS — why did you shag Remus then?
>>SEVERUS — hormones. And the fact that he sat on my erect penis. It seemed impolite to say no.

James Potter brought his somewhat longer, narrow shaft into view, the edges of his longshirt pushed back against his belly by the stroking movement of his hand in several long, deep caresses, the foreskin sliding back with what looked like practised ease.

>>SEVERUS — wanker
>>JAMES — so were you. Nice description of my dick. Rather accurate
>>SEVERUS — what? The fact that it sounds like a knitting needle?
>>PETER — squeaksqueaksqueak! Hic! Hic!
>>REMUS — he's giggling a. An. And you've given him hiccups
>>SIRIUS — why the hell did you do Wormtail, Moony?
>>REMUS — looked like a cherub, could screw like a succubus
>>SEVERUS — he came to you in the night, a demon in human form? All I can say is that at least it wasn't in rodent form
>>SIRIUS — there was this sexual thing about inserting animals into certain orifi—
>>PETER — SSSSSQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKK!
>>SIRIUS — oh look. He's heard of it

Snape swallowed nervously, his breath quickening

>>REMUS — it's turning him on!
>>SEVERUS — remember that is AU Snape and not me
>>REMUS — and the growing bulge between your legs is? *Snape looks* Hahahaha! Made you look!

and his eyes lifted up to Sirius' face, who was devouring James'

>>SIRIUS — always knew you really were on the forces of dark and wicked perversion, Prongs
>>SEVERUS — I'm on the same force, but I'm not a nancy boy
>>THE OTHERS — ‘squeaksqueaksqueak hic! Hic!' listen to her protesting' he does his makeup in his room, douse himself with cheap perfume' —as nancy as a gay Frenchman who comes from Nancy'
>>SEVERUS — fuck you all!
>>REMUS — do we have to form an orderly queue?

motions with an avid gaze, but then looked away sharply. Snape winced and for a moment, fearing he had been spotted, but Sirius looked over instead to Peter, his gaze penetrating.

>>PETER — SQUEAK! Squeaksqueakchattersqueak!
>>REMUS — he wants to know penetrating what?
>>SIRIUS — this is so sick talking about mutual masturbation with a rat
>>SEVERUS — that sounds like you wrap him round your cock and off you wank *everyone else goes minty green and Severus smirks. Sexily*

"You know the rules, Wormtail?" Sirius asked him, his lazy smile deepening into an almost audible sigh, as Snape could see his hand move firmly in a long, even stroke on the flesh it surrounded.

"Y-yes," Peter gasped, and Snape could see sweat break out on the smaller boys' brow. "No stopping and f-first one to .... ", Peter looked nervous, and repeated, " erm... first one to ... ", he mumbled below his breath, obviously embarrassed, "... kneels to the others,"

>>REMUS — this person must have been in school with us
>>SEVERUS — or had a decent English public school upbringing
>>SIRIUS — good old ‘Wank the Biscuit'
>>JAMES — I can't see a biscuit. What are they going to do to the biscuit? Is this non-consensual biscuit abuse?
>>REMUS — ‘Wank the Biscuit' — a game where you have a collection of horny young men that have to masturbate onto a biscuit. First one to come has the eat the biscuit
>>JAMES - *gag*
>>REMUS — wait, I haven't finished
>>SIRIUS — that's what you always say, dear
>>REMUS — and then has to go down on the others
>>JAMES — I'm glad I never went to an all boys school
*the author now has weird flashbacks to educational years"

he finished erratically, his face flushed. He looked both terrified and enraptured, and Snape watched with fascination as Peter's own hand slipped into his robes, and brought forth the smallest nub that Snape could see - purply-red and leaking a very visible stream of fluid.

>>REMUS — that isn't true, is it Wormtail!
>>PETER - *angry* CHITTER! SQUEAK!
>>SEVERUS — a rat that is upset because aspersions have been cast upon his manhood
>>JAMES — it's all a bit surreal, isn't it?
>>SIRIUS — it seems, people, we have entered the sick and twisted world of Jamie's mind. Do not litter. Do not play with the braincells — they are rare and must be protected. Close all gates and stick to the paths at all times
>>JAMES — and you call me strange?

Sirius' smile deepened, and he nodded slowly. Snape's mind whirled, watching with a rather uncomfortable pressure growing in the region of his groin.

>>SEVERUS — why would gazing upon four young men masturbating cause me to become physically aroused?
>>REMUS — because it's hot. Because you want to be there ordering them around. Because — the silver-haired one should have smelled you by now
>>SIRIUS — that's a point. You are always able to smell me when I sneak up behind you
>>SEVERUS — that's because you stink, dogbreath
>>JAMES — can I say it—please
>>REMUS — oh, go on then
>>JAMES — GAPING PLOT HOLE ALERT! KEEP AWAY FROM THE EDGE!
>>SIRIUS — you know those Cubans selling eardrums? Can we have their phone number?
>>PETER — Squeak! SqueaksqueakchatterRussians
>>REMUS — buy them off the Russians, its cheaper and there is no VAT on imports

Remus Lupin made a soft grunt, the first sound Snape has yet heard from him, and his hips began to slowly rock - a subtle movement, steadd smd smooth.

>>SEVERUS — why, now, do they have to talk about Lupin's hip movement?
>>REMUS — you mean like this? *he wiggles. Oh God does he wiggle—Complete with seductive grin*
>>SEVERUS - *slightly strangled* yes! Like that!

The faces of James and Sirius drew his gaze away though,

>>SEVERUS — no they wouldn't! Back to Lupin! Now!
>>SIRIUS — oh no—Snape—please no—
>>REMUS — Severus, look at me *does the grinding again*
>>SEVERUS - *whimper*

as the two leaned closer together and their hands began to move in unison on their respective shafts, almost as if choreographed.

>>SEVERUS - *rather flushed but recovering* I think that Rudolf Nureyev would not call that choreography
>>JAMES — no, he would call it wanking

James' eyes slid shut and his head lolled back a little, Snape could see his fingers tighten on Sirius' shoulder and his knees bend slightly. Sirius stayed firmly upright, his hand moving on his own hardness with an inexorable and smooth movement.

>>JAMES — Padfoot; you are the butch in our relationship
>>SIRIUS — I'm not the bu—you said butch?
>>JAMES — yep
>>SIRIUS — I'm so used to arguing over who is the bitch that I automatically went on the defensive. Thank you Jamie
>>JAMES — no, thank you master
>>REMUS — oy! That's my game!

Snape looked away, down to his toes, his breath shallow and his heart hammering. This was insane, he never would have expected anything like this - especially not with Potter - he was always with one girl or another, and Black much the same. He'd heard of other boys doing similar things though he'd never really thought it was true - just rumours, teasing his innocent mind, provoking to see his reaction...

>>SEVERUS — I'll say it myself. Innocent? No chance. At least it does say that Black and Potter were right little slut-whores
>>SIRIUS — we were not as bad as Remus!
>>JAMES — yeah! Remus has got so many notches on his bedstead that it looks like it has woodworm
>>SEVERUS — and of course I knew that stuff was going on like this in Hogwarts. I'm a Slytherin. I was there. Not like us to miss a good orgiastic gathering, is it?
>>REMUS — Severus—*his tongue starts doing perverse movements. Poor Severus.*
>>JAMES — why do you keep tormenting him, Moony *looks at Snape's glazed eyes and vacant expression*
>>REMUS — because it's fun, I want him to admit that he bats for our side, and anyway, I'm conditioning him. If he associated slash with pleasure—I'm thinking of myself
>>SIRIUS — and your arse
>>REMUS — all it needs is a little lovin'
>>PETER — SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK!!!!!!!! Hic! Hic!
>>REMUS — that was a horrible thing to say! It's not stretched to massive proportions!

well, his reaction now was becoming almost painful as his undergarments stretched with the straining excitement within. He was breathless, and so aroused - but he did not dare to make the tiniest movement, lest he be spotted. So he stood, an agony of arousal and heart-hammering fear mingled into an indescribably intense emotion.

>>REMUS — go on—put your hand down your trousers and give yourself a good time
>>SEVERUS - *dazed but now fully conscious* I can't! I'm manacled—that's not what you meant
>>JAMES — you two! Go and flirt somewhere else, will you. I can't stand all these pheromones that keep flying around here
>>REMUS — afraid you'll get affected too, Prongs?

Snape breathed in deeply, trying to slow his heart. The atmosphere was becoming musty with the damp of sweat and sex,

>>SEVERUS — this story makes as much sense as ‘Das Kapital' in Russian

and when he looked back up at the group he saw the movements of the four boys had become stronger and more tense. Sirius Black was making soft whuffling noises

>>JAMES — I thought it would be snuffling noises

each time he took a gasping breath and his hand was slick now, his penis engorged to a bright bruised red.

>>SIRIUS — ooh, that's got to hurt *everyone winces in sympathy*
>>REMUS — I know you like firm pressure, but that?
>>SEVERUS — closet masochist
>>SIRIUS — closet homosexual

Peter Pettigrew looked positively desperate, his forehead glistening and his hand moving in short jerky movements on his diminutive but swollen shaft, obviously close to edge and trying despairingly to stave off the inevitable and rapidly approaching point of no return.

>>PETER — squeeeeeeeeak! SQUEAK!
>>REMUS — he says that he needs to see more than us lot fingering our pink oboes if he's to come that fast
>>JAMES — shut up, pin dick

Lupin's back was shuddering and he was making steady harsh grunts, but Snape could see nothing more of him.

>>REMUS — Severus—*giggle*
>>SEVERUS — I'm not looking at you. I can't see you. You are not doing anything

James Potter however, appeared still to be quite in control, his firm grip and slow strokes taunting the other boys. Snape watched as James and Sirius looked at each other, the expression on James' face maddeningly sensual as he stroked himself, eyes challenging Sirius to lose control, give in to the all-consuming arousal which Snape also found himself pummelled by.

>>SIRIUS — all consuming arousal? Sounds like its eating us
>>JAMES — are you sure it's not Remus being a bit proactive in the mouth department?
>>SIRIUS — if it was, he'd have to have a very big mouth for all of us
>>SEVERUS — why is Potter the one in control here? And it is perfectly clear that he and Black are doing each other with abandon
>>SIRIUS — yes. I thought I was the butch
>>JAMES - *sweetly* just call me a little cock tease

Suddenly Sirius cried out "Dammit!" his eyes locked fast with Potter's - his hand began flying faster, his teeth clenching and his hair matted down with sweat on his forehead. But before the inevitable moment arrived, Peter began a low whine which rose in pitch rapidly, his eyes mesmerised by Sirius' frantically flailing hand. And before a drop of milky fliud could spurt forth from Sirius's clenching fist, Peter has dropped to his knees, and a short stream of ejaculate burst from the purpled head caught in his tightened grip. His whine became an agonised but ecstatic cry and he pitched forward, his palms breaking his forward fall, a small patch of sticky wetness oozing on the ground between his hands and knees.

>>PETER — chitter! Chitterchatterchattersqueakchitter!
>>REMUS — he says like he'd come first with a horny werewolf, the heterosexual (or so he claims) who never got it from his cute girlfriend and the man who would shag a wombat if it would give him a chance

>>SIRIUS — shut up fatboy. You never even got a sniff of a girlfriend
>>SEVERUS — apart from Lupin
>>JAMES — he doesn't count! Everyone did Lupin
>>SIRIUS — does that mean you and he—
>>JAMES — NO!
>>REMUS - *hurt expression* I didn't shag everyone
>>SEVERUS — most of the school, but a few escaped your ches hes
>>REMUS — I thought you were on my side

Sirius' hand continued flailing and it was only seconds before he too uttered a harsh cry and shuddered to a climax - a thick spurt of fluid gushing out to the ground before him and James.

But then Snape realised that James Potter had slowed his movement, his hand still on his phallus but his expression completely altered, one of mingled horror and delight. Potter was staring *right* at him.

>>JAMES — why would I be staring at Snape with delight?
>>SEVERUS — you must have seen the size of my erection
>>REMUS — he's right. If I turned round and saw that pointing at me I'd be ecstatic
>>SEVERUS — you were. You were very appreciative
>>REMUS — especially when you revealed the furry handcuffs and the miniature vibrating sheep keyring
>>THE OTHER—you two are sick! So gross!' ‘where did he put it, Moony?' ‘Squeaksqueaksqueakchitter'

It came with a rush then. Lupin, turning - Sirius, rising and his dark eyes also unfailingly catching Snape's terrified gaze.

Snape realised that as Peter had pitched forward, he wasn't the only one crying out. Another voice had called out in agonised pleasure.

That cry had come from Snape's own lips.

>>REMUS — you are a screamer, though
>>SEVERUS — I don't scream
>>JAMES — oh yes you do. Could hear it in the Gryffindor common room. We all thought it was a fire alarm
>>SIRIUS — me and Jamie volunteer to see what's going on, and there you are, in flagrante
>>JAMES — you in knee length suede boots and a studded dog collar and Snape in leather trousers
>>REMUS - *dreamily* oh those were such nice trousers
>>SEVERUS — These are the same ones *points out that he is wearing black excitingly clinging leg leathers*
*The Author falls from the settee in lust and therefore cannot carry on until after having a shower. A very VERY cold shower*

...to be continued...

>>REMUS — and was it?
>>PETER — chitter!
>>REMUS — no, apparently
>>SEVERUS — wank! Arse! Fuckety fuck fuck fuck bollocky hell buggery damnation shitting bastardly Hades! Grrrrrrrrrrrr! *mmmmm, sexy*
>>JAMES — you seem a little upset. Anything the matter?
>>SEVERUS - *regaining control. He's not gay, he's not gay* No, Potter. Why should there be?
>>SIRIUS — I'm impressed. I've never heard such a stream of filth since I kidnapped Mrs Norris, shaved off all her fur, and had her dyed pink
>>JAMES — how could you do that to Filch's pussy?

And on that delicious mental image…
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The Evil and Nefarious MST's of Lord Alexander