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Marvin the Mad Muggle	By : AuctorRubra Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1883 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: It�s not mine! *sob* Harry, all of his
friends, and the entirety of Potterverse all belong to J.K. Rowling and I swear
that I�m not making any money off of it. BUT�Marvin is mine, mine, mine and if
you touch him I will hex you into oblivion!

A/N: I AM SO SORRY!! Oh my gosh, I can�t believe
how long it took me to update. I went on vacation and *GASP* I had no internet
access! My fellow vacationers refused to let me write. They seemed to think
that this was work and sun bathing was a more enjoyable replacement. Thank you
once again to everyone who is reading. Icestar, thank you so much for
your review! I�m glad you like it and it�s nice to know that I am capable of
being funny. 8) I just wanted to make a note and warn everyone that I have
every intent of making every character I can be�how shall I say this�not quite
what we expect. Loubie, thanks for your comments about my take on
Snape. Originally, Snape was the only one who was going to stay in character,
but Harry and Dumbledore haven�t really strayed. Yet. Will this change in the
future? Only time can tell. On with the show!

Chapter 4: Well I didn�t see that coming

Marvin sat with his head resting
in one hand and his elbow propped up on the wooden desk. He fought the urge to
drum his fingers along the wood, certain that it would earn him a hexing from
the black clad wizard at the front of the room. Glancing around the potions
classroom that he had been confined to for the past two days he searched for
anything which might have changed. Snape had been rather effective in his
attempts to keep Marvin from seeing anything interesting or obviously magical.
Almost as effective as he was at avoiding conversation. The man hardly said
anything to him! It was always, �Muggle, sit here� or �Muggle, this way� and
�Muggle, go to sleep�. He wouldn�t even use his first name. The longest
sentence he had heard pass Snape�s lips involved threatening him with the Cruciatus
Curse and Draft of the Living Dead if he didn�t stop nagging him and go to bed.

He sighed and looked again at the
Potions Master who had his back to him. Marvin wasn�t really angry with him.
He knew that Snape had issues because of the decades of spying he had
performed. It was hard to revert back from the habit of pretending to be an
insensitive prick. (Especially when one was so very good at it.)

Maybe I came on a little too
strong that first day.

Marvin knew that he had prattled
on and on for those first few hours after meeting Severus Snape. It was all
with the harmless intent of getting the man to actually say something back to
him. He had been smart enough to shut it when he saw the wizard was beginning
to work on a potion, though his offer to help had been met with a rather icy
death glare. At this point, Marvin was simply dying of boredom and it just
wasn�t right. He was in Hogwarts for crying out loud! Snape wouldn�t let him
watch the potion making, leave the dungeons, eat in the great hall or visit
Harry in the infirmary. He wouldn�t even let him scrub cauldrons!

That�s it, I�m getting out of
here. He�s not paying attention to me any way.

Marvin stealthily slipped out of
his seat and began to slink back towards the classroom door. With any luck,
he�d be a ways down the corridor by the time Snape reacted to the door being
flung open.

Steady...steady�just a few more
steps�

�Just, where do you think you are
going,� Snape asked without turning around.

Marvin froze. How the hell did
he do that? �Er�ummm�I thought I might go check on Harry. I know you�re
eager for me to go back into his custody.�

Snape snorted and cast what Marvin
almost thought was an amused glance over his shoulder. �Nice try. Sit back
down, muggle.�

�Marvin.�

�Whatever. Are you feeling sorry for
yourself then, since no one has taken a particular interest in you?�

Marvin stared at the Potions
Master in confusion. �Me? Why would anyone bother to be interested in me?�

To his surprise, Snape actually
stopped working on his potion and turned to face him. �Well you supposedly
rescued the savior of the wizarding world from certain death.� Sarcasm dripped
off each word. �Perhaps you would like a banquet or an interview with the
Daily Prophey?�

Marvin frowned, studying Snape
closely. �First of all, I don�t want many people to know what happened. If
the Ministry gets wind of it, I�ll be obliviated. Secondly, I�m not so sure
that I did save him and even if I did he turned right around and saved me. So
I�d say we are even.�

Snape snorted. �And how did he do
that?�

�He could have left me to the
Death Eaters,� Marvin said quietly. He knew that Professor Snape had a low
opinion of Harry, but it seemed to have hit rock bottom. He was insinuating
that Harry Potter would abandon a defenseless muggle to the tender mercy of
Death Eaters.

When Marvin looked back at Snape
the Professor looked thoughtful. �Yes, I suppose you would have been in some
trouble then.�

�I�d be dead.�

�More than likely,� Snape drawled.

Marvin�s tempered flared. This
was the last straw. He was all for trying to become friends with Severus
Snape, nothing would make him happier, but two days locked in the dungeons had
finally worn down his patience. �Fine. I�ll be in the hospital wing.�

With that Marvin flung open the
door to the class room and sprinted down the halls before Snape had time to
draw his wand. After a few moments, he could hear the Potions Master chasing
after him, but he was confident that he could stay just around every corner and
out of range of a strong Petrificus Totalus. By the time Marvin burst through the
infirmary doors and ran to Harry�s bed he was doubled over, out of breath.

�Marvin,� Harry asked in an
alarmed tone. �Is everything all right? Where have you been?�

Marvin looked up at his friend,
gasping for air, and noticed that he was not Harry�s only visitor. A man with
brilliantly red hair sat on the opposite side of Harry�s bed with an amused and
appreciative expression on his face. �Harry�.I�m so sorry�Snape��

�MUGGLE!!� Snape stormed into the
infirmary with a look of pure rage on his face. He obviously did NOT
appreciate being led on a chase through the halls of Hogwarts. Marvin silently
thanked God that the students were on holiday. If anyone had been there to
bare witness to the scene they had just made, Marvin was quite sure he�d already
be dead or writhing in agony at the very least.

As Snape marched up to Harry�s bed
the red haired man responded first. �Severus, you sexy stud, how have you
been? Were you really hiding in the dungeons for two whole days with this
beautiful piece of work?�

�Ron! Some how I don�t think your
usual tactics are going to help the situation at hand,� Harry hissed.

Marvin felt the gears in his head
begin to crunch and turn slowly, breaking off the bits of rust that had formed
recently. His gay-dar (A/N: This is something my husband talks about all the
time. I�m assuming it�s a guy thing, because I have no such alarm system.) was
beginning to send off warning signals. That couldn�t be right though, could
it? This was Ron talking, so it had to be a joke. Marvin had hardly even seen
it speculated that Ron might be gay; on the contrary he was usually portrayed
as rather intensely homophobic. Perhaps he was misunderstanding�

�Oh come on, Harry! I ask then
man out for drinks every time I see him and he always turns me down,� Ron said
and proceeded to pout. He turned to look at Snape then. �Really, I was
beginning to lose all hope that you were secretly gay, but now that I know
you�ve been shacking up with this scrumptious tid-bit�well I�ll redouble my
efforts.�

Will wonders never cease? Wait
a second�tid-bit? Do I look like a cup cake or something?

_________________

Severus was already livid that he
had chased that ridiculous muggle all through the corridors, but now he had to
deal with Weasley as well. Things couldn�t possibly get worse than that.

Potter cleared his throat. �Ron,
Albus asked Professor Snape to watch after Marvin until I could leave the
infirmary. AND he�s a muggle remember?�

What does that have to do with
anything? Oh right, those muggles really do have some interesting views on
sexuality. Weasley might be in for it now.

�Sorry,� Weasley said with a
sheepish grin. �We�re not to�judgmental around here. Sometimes I forget that
not everyone I meet is as gay as I am.�

Severus looked over at the muggle
and had to suppress a grin as he watched him brush from the roots of his dirty
blond hair to the base of his throat.

�Well,� he said and then stopped
to clear his throat. �I didn�t see this coming.�

Weasley had the decency to look
unsettled about upsetting the muggle. �I�m really sorry, I didn�t mean to
embarrass you.�

The muggle waved off his comments
with a hand. �It�s all right, I�m flattered that you would actually think that
I could get Snape of all people to fall for me.

Why you cheeky little� Severus
spluttered for a moment, but the other two wizards missed his momentary loss of
control as they fell into a fit of laughter. It was then and there that
Severus decided that there had to be some way that he could use this impudent
muggle to exact some revenge against Potter, Weasley�and possibly Albus. He
thought for a moment and then recalled his last meeting with Potter and a piece
of information the Golden Boy had seemed determined to keep from him. A piece
of information that this muggle �who seemed very eager to befriend him-
happened to know a lot about.

�Marvin,� Severus said quietly
while examining his nails and trying to appear unaffected by the group�s
laughter.

The man looked thoroughly
frightened by the use of his first name, rather than just �muggle�. �Yes,
Professor Snape?�

�Why are you so surprised by
Weasley�s sexual preferences? He�s never been good at hiding it, even when he
was still in school.� Severus felt a rush of satisfaction as Weasley tinged
pink at his words.

�Only because you were so dead
sexy,� the man muttered so quietly that Severus nearly missed his words. He
chose to ignore them.

�Er�well�you�ve never read the
books have you,� the muggle asked carefully.

�No.�

The muggle smiled. �It quite
completely insinuated that Ron and Hermione like one another and will end up
together at some point. At least that�s how it seems so far, but it could take
a turn for the worst. Also, most fan fictions portray Ron as the furthest
thing from gay.�

Aha!! That�s the in I was
looking for. You�re in for it now, Potter.

Almost as if he could hear
Severus� thoughts, Potter turned to give him a very concerned look and then his
eyes darted back to the muggle who he promptly tried to quiet.

�Marvin, this fan fiction really
does seem quite intriguing,� Severus said smoothly. Time to go in for the
kill. �I know I�ve kept you cooped up while I�ve worked so perhaps there
is somewhere we could go and you could tell me all about this hobby of yours.�

The silly muggle positively beamed
and Severus almost felt a pang of guilt at using him. Almost. Potter and
Weasley both looked like their pet kneazles had died in front of them. Even if
he didn�t get any truly useful information from the muggle the looks on his two
former students� faces at that moment was payment enough for his trouble.

�I�d love that, sir.� The muggle
turned and said his goodbyes to Potter and Weasley and Severus smirked and he
brushed off their attempts to talk him down. When the sandy haired man turned
to face him again his smile had only grown. �Would you like to go to an
internet caf� in London, or some place a bit more private?�

Severus thought for a moment
before answering. He really didn�t know what to expect and he needed to keep
the muggle safe so private would probably be better. �We had better go some
where private�

�Okay, let�s go!�

Severus let the muggle lead the
way out of the infirmary and could no longer suppress a grin of triumph as he
heard Potter�s groan of defeat behind him. This was going to be more fun than
he�d had in years.

I haven�t been this happy since
I managed to jinx Albus� bowl of lemon drops to jump just out of reach every
time he went for a sweet.

The thought of Albus made his grin
falter for a moment. The muggle seemed genuinely happy to have a chance to
spend real time with him and it wouldn�t do to hurt his feelings too badly.
Albus would make sure that he paid for it in some way if he hurt the silly
muggle�s feelings.

Damn it! It was him and that
infernal twinkle that started this mess!

Still the muggle�Marvin seemed
interested in the things he had been doing the past few days and he had been
humble about his experience with Potter.

It doesn�t matter. I�m going
to have the last laugh in this.

His grin was once again firm and
he was anxious to have a look at these stories that Marvin was babbling about.
Apparently he ended portrayed rather well in these things which definitely
pleased him to a certain extent. Some of what the muggle was saying didn�t
really make sense, especially once he began talking about something called
Slash Fiction�
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Marvin the Mad Muggle