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Longings of the heart	By : sunset20 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 1369 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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- 4
A/N: Thank you all for the reviews and for bearing with me through all these angsty feelings. I hope you won�t kill me after reading this. :D

Special thank you for Graballz, who is the best reviewer in the History of the Universe! Without you I could not have been able to write this, because I most probably would have killed Draco� or Harry� or both of them right after the 1st chapter. :D So I dedicate this to you and I hope you like the little present I have hidden in this chapter for you! :D

Chapter 4: Memories

It hurt more than I could ever tell you. The moment you told me you�d be getting married, you killed the last remnants of life in me. You even had the guts to invite me to the wedding and I couldn�t say no to the silent pleading in your emerald eyes.

So three weeks later I found myself at the Burrow, where everybody gathered before the wedding ceremony. I needed every last drop of Slytherin pretence to keep the empty smile on my face. At least I didn�t have to fight any unwanted tears; I was too hollow to cry.

And then you introduced her to me, the woman who would be your wife in less than an hour. Her name was Freya* and she really did her name justice. She was breathtakingly beautiful with her long blond hair and dark grey eyes, but what made her irresistible was some inner magic that I couldn�t quite explain. She was the daughter of a powerful witch and a muggle painter, and had just finished Hogwarts with astonishingly good results that even topped those of Hermione from two years earlier.

I wasn�t surprised that you chose her over me. She was smart as a Ravenclaw, tender and caring as a Hufflepuff, powerful and witty as a Slytherin, but also brave and loyal as a true Gryffindor. She was perfect. And the first moment I saw her at the Burrow, I knew that she was the only person who could make you happy. I could tell she knew about us � was there ever an us? � but she was genuinely happy to get to know me.

I couldn�t stand the excruciating honesty of her kindness, so I left very soon without even saying goodbye. I never visited you and successfully avoided your attempts of seeing me. I started drinking and had a different cock up my arse every night. I know you both tried to help me, but I wouldn�t let you stop me from sliding down the slope.

And then I met Taylor. It was about three years after your marriage with Freya. I was at my worst at that time. I had lost my job at the Ministry and even managed to chase away my last friends. All I did was getting drunk, fucking faceless guys and then getting drunk again even before I got over last night�s hangover.

I remember waking up one morning with a horrible headache and the even more painful knowledge that I couldn�t go on like this anymore. I was about to kill myself and was convinced that nothing and no one could make me change my mind.

That�s when I realized that I was lying in an unfamiliar bed, which was very strange considering that normally I got fucked in an alley or the shabby motel where I was living at that time. My eyes slowly wandered across the tidy and� homely room and settled on a tall, handsome man who was leaning against the doorframe. He was watching my confused expression with amusement.

�I�m glad you finally woke up. I was afraid I would have to tickle you awake. Breakfast?�

That was Taylor, always cheerful and positive about even the worst things. Apparently I had made a complete fool out of myself at a muggle bar the evening before, when I had thrown myself at everybody who at least remotely looked like in possession of a cock � my black eye was the result of a rather embarrassing misunderstanding � just to finally pass out in the middle of the dance floor. Taylor had brought me to his flat and had let me sleep in his bed without even touching me.

He was a muggle history teacher, but knew a lot about magic from his little sister who was in her 6th year at Hogwarts. He told me how he always read her books in the summer and even helped her preparing for her History of Magic exams. And when he told me about his first encounter with Ton Tongue Toffees** I was laughing loudly for the fist time in years. His broad smile made me feel completely at ease and I found myself telling him about my family, the war and even you.

We slowly became a couple. He knew I still loved you, but never complained and was happy with what I was willing to give. He let me cry on his shoulder whenever I needed it, he helped me to give up drinking and to get hold of my fucked up life again. And he was the one who convinced me to finally visit you and your family.

___________________________________ * ____________________________

I�m still not sure it was a good idea to come here and tear open the wounds that have just started to heal, but Taylor always seems to find the right words to convince me that he knows better � I must admit he does most of the times.

So here I am sitting on your living room floor, playing with your oldest daughter, Andrea, while you and Taylor try to get the twins, Dom and Riley to bed, which proves to be a fruitless torture, since already at the age of 2 they are very much like Fred and George Weasley, which is a rather scary thought, I�m not sure the world can take four of the sort!

Freya is sitting in her huge armchair, tenderly stroking her big belly in which your next little girl is sleeping peacefully. She is desperately trying to maintain her stern exterior as she watches you and Taylor chasing those little devils through the house, but as Dom bites you in the finger and runs away laughing loudly, even she can�t help chuckling.

I�m smiling too but the image of your happy family breaks my heart all over again. I know now why you gave up on our love. And I understand. I understand how much you needed to finally feel the warmth of a loving family after growing up the way you did. I understand, because I feel the same craving for love.

I don�t blame you for following the longings of your heart, but it hurts not to be the one to give you what you�ve always wanted. One teardrop slowly rolls down my cheek. Just one, but Andrea immediately notices.

�Why are you crying?� she asks with all the affectionate curiosity of a three-year-old.

�It�s nothing, Andrea. I�m not crying anymore. See?� I say wiping away the little traitor from my face and reassuringly smile at her. But she�s a clever girl already and can easily see through me.

�Don�t cry!� she says wrapping her short arms around the neck of a man she has only met some hours ago. �Don�t cry Uncle Draco! I love you!�

I�m fighting with tears again as I return the embrace of this little girl, who doesn�t even understand that hearing those feared words from the innocent lips that are so much like yours, I feel redeemed. I feel as if a terrible burden had been removed from my heart and after four years I can finally breathe again.

I look up and see you smiling at us from the door. For a moment I feel close to you again and your eyes tell me everything your lips have never been able to utter. They tell me how much you loved me all along, how it scared you to admit it and how this love was what made you strong enough to defeat Voldemort. They tell me that you�re sorry for hurting me and for not explaining why you left me and married Freya. I understand now that you didn�t choose her over me, but the life she could offer and I couldn�t.

And I can see how your smile offers me something that was offered to you once, something that you�ve rejected � friendship. And over the shoulders of your little daughter I smile back at you.

_________________________________ * _______________________________

Three years have passed since our reunion and I find myself standing at the sea shore just a few minutes from your house again. It�s only two days until Christmas and you asked Taylor and me to help with the preparations since Freya is not much of a help now that she�s pregnant� AGAIN.

After Andrea, the twins, Mandy, Matt, Daphne and Dawn, this will be your 8th child, which means you�ll beat the Weasley�s � I�m sure that was your intention all along, no matter how much you try to deny it. Just imagine, a family with more children as Molly Weasley � the world will never be the same again.

Two strong arms slowly embrace me from behind and pull me out of my bittersweet reverie.

�Not having second thoughts I hope�� Taylor whispers in my ear, referring to the silver, engraved ring he gave me this morning � with an awfully stupid grin on his face that matched mine � after I have accepted his proposal.

�Memories.� I explain as I lean into his embrace.

He understands. He understood from the very first moment how much you meant to me and never tried to replace you. He has been unbelievably patient with me in the last years and never even considered leaving me even though I was pining for you for years and never to this day said those three little words to him. I just couldn�t.

�Taylor�� even now, 7 years after that horrible night in the muggle hotel room, I�m almost too afraid to say them. But his protective embrace calms me and gives me the strength I need. �I� love you��

He wraps himself even closer around me and I can feel his overjoyed smile he�s trying to hide in the crook of my neck. After waiting for so long for me to say this, he can�t find the words to say it back, but the wild pounding of his heart tells me everything as it beats to the rhythm of my own heart. The heart that you have stolen such a long time ago without even noticing it, the heart Andrea returned to me three years ago, so that now I could give it to Taylor.

�Come on, Draco, dinner should be ready by now.� Taylor says after reluctantly releasing me and kissing me tenderly. �But be careful with the soup. Andrea tried to blackmail Harry into promising that she could stay up late making Christmas presents with her favourite Uncle � that would be you. She threatened to poison the soup with some ugly potion that would make one sing Spice Girls songs for three days.�***

�Did Harry give in?� I manage to choke out between two laughing fits.

�Well, you know how much he hates being ordered around, so he just said he�ll think about it. So if I were you, I wouldn�t risk the soup.�

I smile affectionately at the thought of the little girl who always seems to get what she wants, whether it�s about visiting me at Hogwarts where I teach Potions now, or going on holiday with the whole family, which in her little world includes Taylor and me as well.

�Harry should really know by now that he can�t win against �Drea� I say with a broad smile on my face as we slowly walk back to the house that has slowly become our second home.

�Well, she might be the spitting image of her father, but otherwise she�s just like you, Draco. A real little Slytherin princess.�

�Yeah, but don�t tell Harry!� I laugh �I want to see the look on his face when the sorting hat puts her into Slytherin.�****

*Freya is the Goddess of love and fertility in the Germanic mythology.

** Ton Tongue Toffees: Toffee that, when eaten, causes the user's tongue to grow to an amazing length, and become extremely heavy. They are wrapped in brightly coloured wrappers. Fred and George Weasley used this new invention on Dudley Dursley. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weasley%27s_Wizard_Wheezes)

*** Humour!!?? HUMOUR???!!! In my fanfiction? Okay, bad humour, but still HUMOUR!!??

**** Harry is currently teaching Dark Arts at Hogwarts, so he�ll be there at the Sorting.
A/N: I can�t believe that I really did it! I wrote a happy ending!!!!! Graballz, this is all your fault! :D

Okay, I know Freya is just too good to be true � looks very much like Draco, which means that she�s simply hot; has better results at Hogwarts than Hermione!!!; and has more children than Molly! � but come on, I really needed somebody like that. Only someone like that could take Harry away from Draco and get away with it! Do you all hate me now? *looks with puppy eyes full of fear and tears* :D

Now you probably understand why Draco had to be the emotional one here. I just couldn�t let him end up with a wife!!! Come on, DRACO WITH A GIRL!!!! NOWAY!!!

Tell me what you think!!!!! And Happy Easter!!!! :D
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Longings of the heart