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Beautiful Hurts	By : Morosemordant Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 16198 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Beautiful Hurts
It hurts to be thin, it hurts to pretend, and it hurts to smile with loose teeth. Triggering. Eventually HP/SS
Harry stood under the stream of quickly cooling water in the prefect's bathroom, he was thinking. He was not thinking. He was just staring into nothing. He was thinking about not thinking. He was trying his best to clear his head of any further thoughts on his dark eyed professor. A difficult task to be sure.
It was getting rather late in the morning, at least according to Harry's usual schedule. He never had quite gotten used to the lack of tasks before sunrise at Hogwarts. During the summers he was more than accustomed to waking before five in the morning and having half of the house cleaned up before his Uncle could wake. He had been used to taking the time to cook breakfast, the fact that it was served to him was always a little unsettling, and even more so now that he didn't have the stomach for it and the mounds on the great tables grew greater every meal.
He had an irrational fear at times that they would topple over on him and he would be forced to eat his way out. His mind was quick to wander away from thoughts of food as his stomach growled and the nausea in his head swelled. His mouth was dry as he exited the once hot shower.
He dried off on the fluffy gray towel provided by the house elf that had brought a change of clothes: trainers and a plain blue long shirt to go with his jeans. Everything was baggy and made him look like a cow when he glanced in the mirrors to reapply his glamours and brush out his hair. It tangled in the brush and came out in clumps in Harry's boney fingers. He wanted to cry, nothing was ever easy or simple was it? Couldn't it just be okay for once?
He pulled the clumps from his fingers and rolled it into a ball to throw away. It vanished as it hit the bottom of the bin. The brunette pulled his hair up into a loose braid tied with a strip of leather. He looked into the mirror again and frowned.
The young Potter gained his affects and left the room to wander about the castle for another hour until he would be allowed to go to Hogsmead. He fumbled in his pockets to pull his wand and cast a lumos to aid in his exploration. It was less exploration for Harry and more about walking until his muscles felt sore. He needed the exercise; he needed to move before he started to look like his whale of a cousin.
Up and down the stair cases and through many corridors and back again, he walked and walked for half an hour in one direction, and ran back in the other direction when his thoughts turned rotten. He just wanted to avoid everyone and everything for an hour or so, at nine he could leave to walk down to the village while everyone else took the carriages. He could feel the fat on his thigh jiggle as he ran, and it made him run harder, rubber soles slapping into the stone floors.
By eight he was breathing hard and his knees hurt as his head swam, but the other students had started filling out into the corridors and out into the courtyards to begin their sunny Saturday. Harry had been up over five hours by the time everyone else had stirred. It made him inexplicably angry. He dug his nails into his palms and walked down to the dungeons where the cool air would help him burn calories faster.
He passed the potions class and breathed in the heady scents of herb and death. It was small comforts as he kept walking slowing down to enjoy the silence of the stone foundation. A door closed to his right further down the cooridor causing him to freeze.
Severus Snape was closing the portrait to his quarters, black robes and hair nearly making him invisible in the dark halls. The only light was thrumming in Harry's hand. Snape looked up through his hair as he turned from the portrait and caught sight of the willowy boy. The lack of glasses and long hair must have startled him as he stopped and tried to place which student this was in front of him.
"Potter." He nodded finally placing the face. "Have you lost your spectacles boy? What are you doing in the dungeons?" Harry blushed and stood still looking up at his professor through loose tresses of auburn and black.
"Sorry sir, just walking. I'm sorry if I disturbed you professor." Harry stammered and turned to return to the entrance hall. His vision faded quickly in and out of focus as he walked away from the startled Potions Master. The climb up the stairwell was hell, his knees shook and his heart pounded. Harry took a small detour to the kitchens.
"Good morning Mr. Potters sir. How can Dippy be helping you again this mornings?" Dippy bowed low and Harry frowned sadly at the creature before asking for a cup of water, a cup of ice and an apple.
Harry munched on the apple happily, it was only a few calories really and would be one of the easier things to keep down, he hoped. He took a break between each bite to place the apple back down, taking him time and chewing each bite thoroughly. The ice he ate when he had finished the apple, he crushed the chips up between his teeth wincing when the cold stung the teeth taking a sip of the warm water to calm the pinging pain and soon felt very full. He made an effort to finish the water and stood slowly thanking the elves as he left the portrait.
It was going to be a long day, he would have to go with the crowd down to Hogsmead, and he was hoping he wouldn't panic again. It wasn't like he hadn't known these people the majority of his life. They were strangers, but familiar ones. He would be okay, he had to repeat this to himself. He was going to make the trip he had avoided at the first of the year. He had to get rid of any trace of the Dursley family on his person if he was going to ever be happy. The happier he was the less he had to worry about Hermione or, god forbid, Ron finding out about the less than pleasant details of his life.
He may get annoyed with them but they were still his friends and they were still children, innocent. Harry was going to do everything in his power to keep them that way. He didn't wish the knowledge he had of the world on any one. No one needed to know the sick truths Harry was now hiding behind glamours, and soon new clothing. He just hoped the clothes would come off of a rack and no one would have need to measure or fit him.
His fellow students were loaded into carts carried on by, in their view, invisible horses. Harry watched the thestrals warily and tried not to think about the end of his fifth year. Harry sneezed suddenly and was terrified to see that all thestrals eye sockets were fixated on him. He saw Ron and Hermione, and was surprised to see him help her into the buggy. He sighed and smiled shallowly as they addressed him.
"Hey Har' do you wanta come sit with us? We got an extra seat saved." Ron said half-heartedly. Harry smiled darkly, not that anyone would notice the difference.
"No I think I'll walk this morning Ron. You and Hermione have a good time though, you don't need me bringing the conversation down." Hermione frowned at him but Ron grinned, he at least had caught on to the offer for 'alone' time. Harry smiled up at them as the carriage started to sway it's way down the hill towards the village below.
"Oh, okay Harry if you think that's alright. You be careful!" Hermione shouted as they pulled out of sight.
Harry turned around to a black chest and looked up into his Potion Master's face. The light had caught his eyes just so and Harry could see that what he once thought were black eyes in the dark of the dungeons was actually a deep blue. His body shook at the proximity and scolded himself for the action.
"Mr. Potter, again we meet. Why are you not taking the carriages like you classmates?" Harry opened his mouth to explain he had wanted to walk the path down to Hogsmead, but he was quickly cut off.
"I suppose you think yourself to good for such transportation as your classmates are forced to take." Snape sneered and Harry turned pink. He looked imploringly into his teachers eyes and explained simply.
"No sir, I was merely planning on walking to the town this morning." His professor's eyes narrowed.
"I believe you have already had a walk this morning. An extensive one I believe as you had been all the way down the dungeons to my quarters. So let's try again shall we Mr. Potter?" The sneer was half hearted as he took in the lad's appearance. The striking green eyes freed from spectacles and framed in fire streaked black tresses. It was quite a change, and the sunlight hit the boys face just so.
Snape shook his head.
"I was going to walk, honestly Professor."He frowned tensely.
"Be that as it may Mr. Potter, you are a special case and as you know we cannot afford to have you traipsing through the forest unescorted. You will join me in my coach as I am chaperoning today." Harry opened his mouth. "No arguments Potter get into the carriage or stay at the castle, your choice."
Harry's jaw snapped close, and he nearly cried out as he felt the tip of one of his molars chip he turned away under the pretense of climbing into the contraption. He wiped his mouth and pulled a grain of tooth from his lips.
He had thought of returning to the castle and sneaking down later but realized Snape would know as he was chaperoning. The vehicle swayed and shifted as his professor climbed in and settled himself opposite of the Gryffindor.
Harry looked pointedly out at the woods to his left as he felt the gaze of the older man study him. He shifted uncomfortable under the gaze. Severus was surprised by the changes he had taken in. The boy was much taller than he had remembered which was surprising for as slender as the boy was. He looked at the hands settled on the boys lap and could count the bones through the top of the palms. The fingers themselves were long and thin. The nails looked raw and yellowed. He pondered what he was taking in. There were tells of a glamour in place on the boy's face, but he supposed the boy had just taken a sudden interest in him appearance, as noted by the now long hair tied back. It revealed a thin neck that looked breakable and pale and wonderfully supple.
Snape was disturbingly reminded of the fairy tale Snow White. Long black locks glimmered red in the sun, pale skin shimmering and fading to red just about the boys lips. Full and chaffed as they looked, they were compelling in a way that distressed the teacher. He had never had such thoughts about a student, not since that damned Veela girl had joined them two years previously, and those weren't really his thoughts. His magic had responded favorably to the creature as any mans would, even if his body and mind had been completely opposed to the child.
He scowled and turned away from the fragile youth to look in his travel bag. He pulled a thermos of coffee out and drank quickly; glad it was a strong batch that morning. It was a long silent ride.
When the carriage stopped suddenly at the end of the road the poor boy nearly fell out of his seat. Snape smirked, reminding himself this was the way it was supposed to be.
"Mr. Potter keep in mind, I am chaperoning this trip so be on your best behavior. I will know if you do otherwise. Do you understand?" Harry climbed down and nodded at the dark man as he straightened himself out and started to walk toward the shops. "Mr. Potter you will answer me verbally."
"Yes, I understood." Harry said tiredly.
"I'm sorry Potter what was that you said?" Snape smirked evilly as the boy sighed and tightened his fists.
"Yes, SIR, I understood SIR." Harry glared, feeling alive with his anger. He felt bad for being so rude but he wasn't about to let he Professor know that.
Harry turned away and walked down the main street of the town, eager to escape the heat of his professor's gaze. He was imagining it he was sure, but it was giving him a problem he had never had to deal with in public. He thought of the worst thing he could imagine: Filch in a bikini. He gagged briefly. That certainly turned him off, possibly forever, he thought.
He walked as quickly as he could muster past the pet shops and ice cream vendors, still closed this early in the day. It was only ten and they would be allowed access to the shops and town until the sun started to dip. The sixth year Gryffindor made his way past a dozen shop windows filled with useless gadgets, candies, and quidditch paraphernalia frowning at the children who were likely his own age.
He made a right into one of the back streets filled with more practical purchases. Usually frequented by residents of the settlement, the students rarely needed anything other than amusement. Harry entered the little dusty shop and was greeted by the tinkling of a bell. He saw no racks or stacks of clothing and was nervous. A small voice called from the back of the shop.
"Just a second." Harry sighed and moved to sit on one of the chairs.
A small old woman greeted him a moment later, her hair was silvery and pulled into a bun, her robes were stately blue velvet. She motioned for him to stand on the dais in front of the mirrors.
"Well, who am I helping dress today?"
"Harry." He mumbled.
"Well Harry my name is Ms. Colbem and I am wondering what you are in need of today, are you paying in cash or are we charging your account today?" She said while picking through a basket of supplies.
"We are charging to the Potter main vault 312 ma'am. I would like a new set of school robes, as well as blue, green, and black dress robes. I would like a full set of everyday robes in whatever fabrics you think are appropriate. I was also wondering if you made trousers, jeans, and button downs?" She nodded at him before pulling out her wand.
"That won't be a problem; I am guessing you would want new under things, socks, and shoes as well? I don't make the shoes unfortunately but I can have several sets floo'ed here this morning. What size do you were Mr. Potter?" She looked at him narrowly, going back to digging through her basket.
"I'm not sure ma'am I haven't gotten any new robes since my first year, and the clothes are my cousins." He said quietly and she nodded at him emphatically.
"You would be surprised Mr. Potter how often I hear of such things. I am guessing this change came from you coming into your Majority. Now stand still and I am going to have to ask you to remove your clothing, down to your skivvies, so that I might get an accurate measure." Harry looked about nervously. He eyed the door. She chuckled lightly and pointed her wand at the front of the shop, blinds pulled down and the sign on the door flipped to say closed.
"Better?" Harry shrugged and started to remove his clothes as she bustled about grabbing fabric swatches and thread. He stood still as the measuring tape broke down his every feature, and he wanted to smack it away as it circled his waist.
"Dear," the seamstress stopped, "you are thin. I should think eating at that school would put meat on any child's bones. No matter. We will be at this a little while, I'm going to order lunch in a little bit. Anything you want? Don't say you don't want anything either, I won't let my faithful customers go hungry."
"Maybe a bit of soup would be good?" Harry asked unsure of the old woman. Only Mrs. Weasley ever took to him so fast, she seemed like a nice old lady but the kindness was unexpected and threw him for a loop.
She held several swatches up to the boys face, and finally the measuring ceased. She waved her wand and several patterns were cut out as well as the fabrics. They floated his way and were held up, trimmed again and pinned. She sewed up one set before calling through the floo for several pairs of shoes. A gruff old voice was heard and hand came through the networks handing shoes off to the old seamstress. She thanked him and ended the call only to throw more powder in and calling through to a small restaurant down the street. The order was made, and as several more sets of robes were held up and pinned a knock was heard at the door.
They ate slowly, enjoying the easy conversation and hot tea. Harry took his plain. His soup was good, he just hoped it was low calorie as he knew he would be in the shop too long to purge. He ate slowly and chewed everything twice as long as he normally would. Ms. Colbem, or Vira as she told him to call her around one in the afternoon, was a sweet woman and was soon done with several outfits. Harry would never get over the ease of life magic offered.
She helped him dress in a royal blue button down and dark wash jeans after his trip behind a curtain to change his under things. She offered a bin to throw his clothes into. They turned to ash at the bottom and Harry sighed in relief. He slipped on the black socks and dark gray trainers. He sat up and Vira suggested he roll his sleeves to his elbows and slipped a slick black robe over his shoulders. He straightened his braid and looked into the mirror.
He finally felt like himself, he finally felt like a human being. The slim lines accentuated his form rather than mutating it. He left the shop with a hearty hug which he stiffened in and a promise to return whenever he had need of anything. She expressed her joy at having dressed him, and assured him the rest of his clothing would arrive the next morning.
Harry walked out of the shop and tried to avoid the other students as he made his way back to the carriages. He passed a beauty supply shop and stopped in. He bought a few items to add texture to his hair and give him control, as well as a refill on his body wash and shampoo. He left with a small bag and stepped onto the carriage only briefly catching his professors eye as he settled in. His return to Hogwarts was only accompanied by one other buggy, it was a slow bumpy ride and Harry breathed deeply of the Autumn air. Luna and Neville entered the castle to his left and they blushed as he smiled at them.
"You look nice Harry; Neville recently visited Mr. Colbem as well." Luna Lovegood smiled dreamily and hugged Neville's arm close to her side and they disappeared to the other side of the stairs to the Ravenclaw dormitories.
Harry walked up the flights of stairs feeling better than he had all week. HE wondered briefly if the soup had anything to do with it. He sighed again thinking on his trip. He made it all of the way to his bed and had packed away his new items before the dark gaze of Severus Snape passed over his thoughts. The raven hairs boy looked around before closing the curtains around his bed casting silencing charms and locking enchantments on his curtains.
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Beautiful Hurts