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Struggling Through New Beginnings	By : HarryGinny4eva Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 31233 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Spoilers - I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Disclaimer:
Spoilers - I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the
characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing
of this story

Chapter 4

�I will go first and get this over with,� Severus Snape rasped as he moved
forward, his normally hawkish features made even more prominent by his weight
loss. His robes swirled around him for a moment and then settled in a �bat
closing its wings� fashion and he raised his chin as he glared at all of them.
�What I have to say I will say once, no more. You will ask me no more questions
after tonight. I will answer none. I have given the full story to the Ministry,
and to your betters, and they feel you deserve some explanation, so I will tell
you some of it.�

He paused to allow his eyes to slide over the assembly until they fell on
Harry. When they did, he sneered, �What Potter told everyone was true. Except
for one detail, I was not dead, no thanks to Misters Potter and Weasley, or
Miss Granger who simply left me for such, as they��

�Severus!� Professor Dumbledore interrupted and shook his head at him.

After a much beleaguered sigh, Professor Snape continued, �As I am sure most of
you have heard from the stories of the summer, I played my part in the war, and
gave Potter the truth of my deeds, of my past. I held my breath against the
pain and I could no longer open my eyes. They then left me. I was very near
death, I felt it approaching. Then for reasons I do not know I met Albus in,
what I can best describe as, another plane. We spoke and he told me to come
with him. I did as he bid. I don�t know how much time passed before Potter
joined us. I was hidden, so he would not see me as he spoke to Professor
Dumbledore and I did not hear their conversation.

�But, when he left,
we were left in that�space, with the disfigured form of Voldemort across from
us. Albus and I went to the figure and knelt beside it as it struggled for what
I do not know, nor care. Then, I touched The Headmas�Albus�
scarred hand to pull him away, just as he touched the form of Voldemort and
said, �I forgive you, Tom.� There was an explosion and I awoke in that same
room where they had left me, with
Albus next to me. I again lost consciousness. When I awoke once more, we were
in a private area of St. Mungos and it was the first week of August. All that
happened since the war was explained to me, I gave my story, I listened to
Albus� explanations, and we are here. I am once again your Potions teacher.
That is all.�

The students murmured and shifted as they watched him turn and walk stiffly to
his seat at the end of the table. His story had left them with many questions,
but none dared voice them. All eyes turned to Professor Dumbledore as they
waited for more explanation. He raised a hand in recognition of their many
inquiries and it was only then that many noticed his scarred hand was healed
and once again looked like that of an old man, and not the blackened claw it
had become.

�Well, I guess it is now my turn,� he smiled at them. Most of the students
unconsciously smiled back, happy to once again see his eyes twinkle in his
much-missed face.

�I know many of you have questions and I regret most of them will remain
unanswered. I will tell you as much I am able. And, there are those among you
who I will meet with privately. I am afraid I do not know much more than
Professor Snape about why things occurred as they did, but I can tell you that
I believe it happened because I forgave Tom at the same time as Harry
vanquished him. Something happened when he died here, to the form I was
touching there. And, since Professor Snape was touching me at the time it
affected both of us. Tom lost his life, but gave it to us somehow. That is not
to say we are possessed or anything of that nature, just that his death brought
us life. Regrettably, we have no memory of our conversation before I met with
Harry, and recall little else until we awoke in St. Mungos. The few people who
knew of our situation swore an oath to not tell of us being alive until we
could return to you. The identities of those people will remain a secret to
protect them from retribution.

�As you know, there are still those out there that refuse to believe the war is
over, that truth and light has won. But, I assure you, the walls and halls of
Hogwarts will continue to protect you just as they have done in the past and
even moreso. We learned from our prideful past and
our failures and have added more protection to this castle and these grounds
than ever in the past. You are safe here.

�Last, many of you may wonder why I forgave Tom Riddle.� He glanced around the
room and met the eyes of Harry, Hermione, and then Ron, before he settled on
Draco�s. �It is because I believe that no one is without remorse. No one is
without mistakes, poor choices, or bad judgments. And, everyone, no matter who
they are or what they have done in the past, deserves a second chance. They
deserve the opportunity that circumstances took away. They deserve to be able
to prove themselves, to better themselves, to find out who they are and who
they want to be. Asking for forgiveness does not grant one absolution, but it
begins the process of healing.�

Draco felt each word wash over him and nodded his understanding during
Professor Dumbledore�s pause.

Dumbledore lifted his chin in recognition and continued as his eyes moved once
again across the room, �And, even though the Tom here with you did not, would
not, ask for such forgiveness, the form of him there in the room with us called
to me. It still wanted the acceptance, forgiveness, and understanding the young
man I knew never received. I was as much a part of who he became as anyone else
in his past and it was left to me to grant that one small thing. I did not
forgive him his deeds, no, never that. But, I did forgive the young boy I knew
who did not know any other way to gain those things.�

He paused again to let his words be understood by the students and teachers
around him. Then he straightened and smiled once again at the room.

�Now, before Minerva begins the feast, I will owl the students I wish to speak
to privately. But, for the rest of you, if you would like to speak with me, I
can be found in my new classroom. Yes, that is correct. I will not be taking
back my role as Headmaster, as I believe Headmistress McGonagall has served the
school well and should continue to do so. I will instead step in as your new
Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. And, I hope to
hold the position a lot longer than your past professors. I also ask that you
give me until next Monday before you begin to arrange any meetings with me. I
am an old wizard and I have quite a bit on my plate, what with being suddenly
alive, having to restock all of my candy, and having to plan lessons for the
first time in many, many years.�

The last joke had the affect intended and some laughter broke out in the hall
as he stepped back and took his seat between Hagrid, who had not stopped
crying, and Snape.

Headmistress McGonagall stepped forward and announced the Head Boy and Girl.
She then gave them the normal warnings about the school grounds and rules and
finally, announced dinner, which appeared the moment she sat down. The
excitement of seeing and hearing Professors Dumbledore and Snape, mixed with
the general joy of freedom filled the hall almost immediately. People who had never spoken to anyone from another house,
gave the new arrangements a chance and struck up conversations with those
around them. Talk ranged everywhere from nervous greetings to the teachers at
the front of the room to wonder at how classes would be now that everything had
changed.

Although there was a general buzz of excitement over most of the room, at four
of the tables there were too many emotions flowing for joy to find its way in
completely.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Harry kept staring up at the front table his mouth agape. In his wildest
imagination he could never have conjured up the thought that Professor
Dumbledore could once again walk amongst them. And, knowing what he then knew
it was with new eyes that he looked at his Potions teacher. His mind swirled
with the questions to which he thought he�d never get an answer. Why had he
treated Harry so badly if he had loved his mother so much? Where would things
stand with them now that Professor Snape�s secret was out for all to know? When
would he be able to talk to Professor Dumbledore? Where would�

�You should eat, mate,� Theodore Nott said softly as he nudged Harry in the
side.

Harry�s startled gaze flew to Nott�s, �Wha�What?�

Theo cleared his throat softly and said again, �You should eat. Others are
looking to you for how to react to all of this.�

Harry nodded and picked up his fork as he glanced around the hall. His eyes met
the curious gazes of many of the students and he dropped his eyes to his empty
plate. With a sigh he reached for a chicken leg and then placed some beans on
his plate. Out of the corner of his eye he saw several students relax and begin
to eat.

�Thank you,� he murmured to Theo.

�Must be hard,� was the answer he received.

Harry looked at Theo for a second before he asked, �What do you mean?�

Theo shrugged and reached for another roll before he answered quietly, �Being
you. I mean, everyone watching you all the time; everyone waiting for you to
react before they think for themselves. Always having to think about what
everyone else expects of you. Always having to do the right
thing. Always being�well, it�s making me a bit uncomfortable, all the
staring, and it�s not even me they�re looking at. I never really thought about
it until now, but I�it�s just I think it must be hard being you, is all.�

Harry stared at the boy he had only spoken to in passing for the last several
years before he nodded. �You have no idea.�

Theo straightened and continued chewing before he said with a thoughtful frown,
�Being a Slytherin is ever so much easier I would expect. No one really has any
expectations of us.�

Harry looked away ashamedly, �Maybe this will be the year for all of you to
change that.�

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ginny smiled at the young boy who had just stuttered through his introduction,
�A good change is something we all hope for Curtis. I, for one, hope that we
all embrace this new chance we�ve been given. And, in the spirit of that��

Everyone turned to the object of Ginny�s stare.

Pansy looked up from her plate to meet the hazel eyes of Ginny Weasley. For a
few moments she just stared and thought how different they looked in Ron�s
face. Then, she seemed to realize that others were looking at her and once
again lowered her eyes to the table.

Ginny lifted her chin and blew out a breath before she squared her shoulders
and spoke to Pansy.

Forcing a smile, she said, �Parkinson? Pansy. Everyone
else has already gone. It�s your turn. Who are you and what do you want from
this year?�

Pansy opened her mouth to answer, but then paused. It could now or never. This
could be her chance, her new beginning. She closed her mouth for a second, as
well as her eyes. Then she opened them and sent a shy, nervous smile around the
table. She heard the gasps of surprise and ignored them as she stared straight
at Ginny and answered softly.

�My name is Pansy Maris Parkinson. I am a 7^th year Slytherin, for
the second time.� They laughed softly with her as she continued, her eyes never
leaving Ginny�s, �I�I have some hobbies and stuff, but mostly I like to read
and um, paint. And, what I hope for this year is that everyone finally sees me;
I mean the real me. I hope this year is the one where I finally get to show
people who I am and not who they think I am. I want to make new friends. And, I
want things to change for the better for once.�

Ginny slowly closed her mouth and nodded at Pansy. �Okay. Okay. Well�um, okay.�

A silence fell over the table as Pansy�s face slowly lost its color in her
embarrassment.

Curtis cleared his throat in the uncomfortable quiet and asked, �So, Pansy, um,
what kind of books do you like to read?�

She smiled gratefully at the youngster before she answered.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

�Well, my favorite book is Hogwarts, A
History, but I like all kinds of stuff,� Hermione smiled at the table. �I
sometimes even read trashy novels.�

The table laughed with her before a young Ravenclaw said, �I heard you, Ron and
Harry broke a lot of rules when you were my age. Is it true?�

Blaise grunted, �Yeah, right!� and crossed his arms and he stared at the
ceiling. He was bored out of his mind with the idle chatter at the table. He
and Hermione were the only 7^th years at the table and all the
questions from the kids at his table to the little witch across from him were
driving him crazy. Even if, he begrudgingly admitted, she kept trying to change
the subject away from herself. She was smart, had finally stopped looking so
tragic and skinny, and seemed to be earnest in her desire to get to know
everyone at the table. It made him sick; all that niceness. The
absurd thought of �little Miss Perfect know-it-all� actually breaking a rule
made him want to laugh out loud.

He sighed heavily and pinned her with his dark eyes, �Oh yes, please tell us, Granger.
We�re dying to hear about all the heavy rule breaking you did. It should take, what? Three seconds?�

Hermione had had enough of his snide comments and rude remarks. All the people
at the table had been trying to put aside their pasts and give things a chance,
except for him. Every time someone had shared a personal thought or feeling he
had belittled them. It had taken all of Hermione�s patience to not hex him and
let loose the temper few knew she possessed. Instead, she leaned forward as she
spat her answer at him.

�Well, Zabini,� she sneered, �you may want to get comfortable, as this could be
the longest three seconds of your pathetic life. While it was all in the
service of the school, I�ll have you know that second year,
I stole ingredients from Professor Snape�s storage and made a polyjuice potion, so Harry and Ron could sneak into the
Slytherin dungeon as Crabbe and Goyle. Third year I had an illegal Time Turner
the whole year and helped both Buckbeak and Sirius
Black escape. Fourth year I trapped Rita Skeeter in a
jar to keep her mouth shut for a damn change. Fifth year I helped create
Dumbledore�s Army, lured Umbridge into the Forbidden
Forest and had her carried off by a herd of centaurs, AND fought at the Battle
of the Department of Mysteries. Sixth year, I��

�We get it!� Blaise stopped her with a matching sneer. �You�re not so pure and
perfect. You�re just better at not getting caught.� He almost laughed at the
look of outrage on her face, but the smile faded quickly as she smiled evilly at
him and sat back. Almost instantly he felt a burning itch crawling through his
body.

He braced himself against the itch and pain as he stared at her. With an impish
grin she sighed and the itching stopped.

�I also learned a whole mess of non-verbal spells in my spare time that
wouldn�t be considered quite allowed at school,� she smiled.

Blaise felt a small trickle of respect form in the wake of her retribution and
smirked at her. She was good. No one else knew what had happened and she had
had her tiny bit of revenge without giving him a way, as Head Boy, to punish
her.

He murmured appreciatively, �Well played, Granger. Well played.�

She nodded and turned away and he continued to gaze at her through new eyes. He
snickered to himself at what she would say if he complimented her actions by
saying they had been almost Slytherin of her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

�And, he�s a seventh year Slytherin, as I am sure you all know,� Ron said as he
pointed in Draco�s general direction.

Luna smiled at the rest of the table and said, �Okay, now that everyone knows
everyone�s names, what is your favorite color imptike?�

Everyone looked at Luna and then around at each other in question. They had
never heard of imptikes.

�How about something more, um, common, Luna?� Ron
asked politely. Then without waiting for her answer he continued, �How about
everyone�s most and least favorite class? Or, what you think they will be for
you three first years.�

Faruka, a second year Slytherin, took a breath, glanced
at the silent blonde boy two seats away and then looked at Ron Weasley. The
fact that he was one of the people who had saved them all from horrors her
parents had whispered about at night bolstered her courage. She figured Draco
couldn�t hurt her with Ron at the table.

�I, um, I like Transfiguration best. And, I kind of don�t like Potions much,�
she said quietly glancing around quickly to see if she was wrong to have taken
a chance. Ron�s smile and nod made her feel much better and she actually
giggled when he answered.

�Well, that makes two of us, Faruka,� Ron smiled.
�But, I must admit, the only class I really can say I like even a little is
Charms.�

Ron�s easy smile and voice relaxed the others into answering and soon they were
all laughing together about things from their various classes. The only person
not talking was Draco Malfoy.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Draco pushed his food around his plate and wondered for the thousandth time
when the meal would be over.

Nothing. It was all for nothing. We lost everything
and�nothing. I know they didn�t do it purposely, and I am very glad they�re
alive and all, but what now? Am I no longer the boy who tried to kill Albus
Dumbledore? Do I get forgiven for his murder? No, I still attempted it, didn�t
I? And, Severus. Why didn�t he contact me or Mother to
let us know he was alive? Didn�t he realize we needed him? Especially after
Father�s� Damn! What am I? Jinxed? What did I do in a previous life to land me
here now? And, what was Dumbledore playing at talking about second chances?
Doesn�t he know that�s impossible? For me at least. No
one gets a real second chance. Not really. People will never understand what I
did. Hell, I barely understand it all now. Who would give me a second chance?
Why should they? They all know I was just a scared, little shit in the end.
They all know I choose the light side out of fear and not personal choice. They
barely believed Potter�s story about me lowering my wand. I need air. I need to
get out of here and think. Please someone, anyone, stand up and leave this
hall, so I am not the first. I can�t bear much more of the weasel�s stupid
chatter or Loony�s inane blather. Why won�t these infernal asses all around me
shut the hell up?!

Watching Weasel and Loony comfortably engaging the others in conversation as he
sat in his chair and tried not to scream, was just too much. The incessant
chatter around the room was grating to his ears and he felt suffocated by all
of the happiness in the room. He heard the whispers, felt the stares all around
him, as well as Blaise, or maybe Pansy, trying to talk to him. But, he shut
them out. He wasn�t ready to talk to anyone. He needed space and he needed
answers. He needed to know what he was to do now that the past two years of his
life, all that fear, pain and self-loathing, had been for nothing.

�You will let me in!� Snape�s voice
hissed in Draco�s head pushing his mental barriers aside.

Draco�s head snapped up and he turned to stare at the man who had been so many
things to him; teacher, friend, mentor, protector, and tormentor.

Shutting that face out, he closed his eyes and turned away, �What?!�

�Watch your tone, young man,� Snape
snapped in his mind.

�You have got to kidding me!� Draco returned. He hadn�t mean to speak out loud,
but he jerked and looked down at his side as the young Ravenclaw girl beside
him giggled and touched his arm.

�No, I honestly do think Professor Flitwick is
adorable,� she smiled. �He may be little, but��

Draco turned away and blocked out her annoying little voice. �What do you want?� he asked as politely
as he could to Professor Snape.

�We need to talk.�

�I know.� Draco sighed and turned to
face Professor Snape as he thought the next words, �Are you�you look kind of�Dammit, are you
okay?�

�Thank you for your concern, Draco, but I
will soon be fine. I am just tired.�

�I am glad you�re��

�Alive?� Snape�s voice laughed in his
ear. �As am I, I assure you.� Then
the laughter subsided as he asked, �How
are you? And, Narcissa?�

�She�s okay. Much better now, I think. She misses Father, of
course. But, she is slowly embracing life again. She met with her sister. She
has turned down several interviews about saving Potter�s life, but she�s
thinking of penning a book, possibly. And, she��

�I also asked about you,� Snape
interrupted.

�I�m fine,� Draco sighed and turned
away. He waited to hear Snape�s sharp retort, but when none came he turned once
again to find his teacher staring fixedly at him. But, it was not Snape�s stare
that made Draco�s stomach twist. It was his former headmaster�s words flowing
into his mind that caught his attention and drew his eyes to the older man.

�I am so very sorry for what we did to
you and what you have suffered since. Your suffering was never our intention.�

He blinked once and then felt the little food he�d taken in about to make a
reappearance. No longer caring that no one else had gotten up yet, not caring
that his actions would give the gossips more to talk about, Draco lurched to
his feet. He just needed to get out. Pushing his chair out of his way he began
the walk out of the hall.

His abrupt departure would have been the talk of the night had another eruption
not happened a few tables away.

Author�s Note - Thank you all again!
Review answers are on the Review page for AFF and in your inbox for FFnet. And, there is more coming
on Wednesday�
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Struggling Through New Beginnings