Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Too Much Of Not Enough	By : RikuRocks Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1782 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Harry Potter, nor am I making any money from this work of fiction.

Chapter List
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It became increasingly common for the fifth years to spend more time focused on their studies over the next few months. Because of this, Severus and Remus were able to spend more and more time in each other�s company without attracting notice from the shorter boy�s friends or the taller boy�s house mates.

During those months, Severus noticed, or rather, realised, a few things about Remus that caused him more concern than he would have liked to admit.
The first had been the fawn-haired teen�s eating habits. It seemed that he had practically no appetite for half the month, and he didn�t eat enough during the time in-between to make up for it. Of course, Severus knew that he himself was on the thin side, but not quite in the same manner. This, he could easily relate to his friend�s illness, which he still knew very little about, but not the second and more concerning revelation.

With his keen observational skills, the obsidian-eyed boy noticed that his friend suffered minor injuries often. He hid them well, and drew attention away from them when it seemed they were about to draw notice. From the way Remus treated them, Severus figured they could not be terribly serious, but he could not figure out how the other boy got them. Remus� reflexes were usually as sharp as his wits, from the raven-haired boy�s perspective, and despite the company he kept when not with Severus; he was not a big risk-taker.

The two boys laid on their stomachs and propped themselves up on their elbows in an empty classroom, after transfiguring the room�s curtains into a soft carpet, with their books spread out around them.
Remus had two make-up exams to turn in by the end of the weekend, after his most recent stay in the hospital wing during the final week of class before their Easter break. After finishing their Transfiguration homework, Severus noticed Remus flinch minutely for the third time that night when he reached for his History of Magic text.

�Are you�unwell?� The obsidian-eyed teen watched the other boy carefully as he stiffened before offering a small smile.

�Oh, I�m feeling much better, thank you.�

�Not that, I meant this-� The obsidian-eyed teen reached over to poke his thin friend in the side he had been favouring. Unfortunately, his starting position did not lend to his sudden weight shit well and he ended up jabbing the brown-eyed teen much harder than he had planned. Severus� eyes widened at the feel of heavy bandages under his finger, as well as the pained gasp that Remus released before curling up on his side.

Before he was even conscious of moving, Severus was beside the fawn-haired boy with a careful hand placed on his shoulder. �Remus, are you all right?�

Remus nodded, he looked even paler than he had to begin with, and his breathing was shallow. �Yes, just- Please don�t do that again.�

�Of course I�m not going to-� The raven-haired boy stopped himself and continued after dropping his sarcastic tone; �What happened? Why haven�t you had�that healed?�

The scarred teen closed his eyes and took a few steadying breaths before looking at Severus again; he appeared exhausted. �I�I don�t take so well to healing when I�m ill.�

The sallow-skinned teen frowned, trying to think of any maladies, magical or otherwise, that might interfere with healing spells or potions. He could think of none, but then, he was hardly an expert on the subject. �Remus, what is the matter with you?�

Severus immediately regretted his choice of words. The shorter boy hid the flinch that pulled his entire form so well that Severus would not have noticed it had his hand not been on Remus� shoulder. He was not sure why, but he knew he had just entered painful territory. With a small sigh, the raven-haired boy laid down on his side as well, facing his friend. �I didn�t mean that to hurt.�

�I know.� Neither boy felt the need to clarify whether Severus meant the poke or his words. Then, Remus finally met his friend�s eyes and offered a small, genuine smile, although his eyes were torn between pain, fear, and hope.

The raven-haired teen arched an eyebrow quizzically. He had not actually apologised and he had come this close to one with the shorter boy before, so he did not understand why his friend was suddenly smiling at him.

�You called me Remus,� explained the brown-eyed boy quietly, his voice was more horse than usual, as it had been since his last bought of whatever illness he suffered from. �You�ve only ever called me Lupin before.�

The obsidian-eyed boy only nodded in response. He had figured out months before that Remus called him Severus once he felt it was safe to show that kind of friendliness; he trusted the fawn-haired boy to understand why he had suddenly called him by his given name as well. �Why can�t Madam Pomfrey do more for you?�

Brown eyes lowered again, breaking contact with obsidian. �Because there just isn�t anything more that can be done;� His tone held none of the timidity or hesitance it did when Remus was intentionally leaving something out of his explanations.

A terrible and unfamiliar feeling clutched Severus� heart then. He had realised that Remus suffered from some chronic illness long before they became friends, but he had never considered whether the shorter boy�s condition might be fatal. He found the very idea of Remus dying suddenly too frightening to even voice. Instead, Severus decided to rephrase his earlier question. �What do-?�

�Severus,� Remus tilted his face until the named boy could not see it any longer. His voice was thicker than usual and he subconsciously curled up a little tighter. �I�m not allowed to tell anyone- It was one of my dad�s conditions upon my coming here. So I�m sorry, but I cannot tell you�and I don�t want to lie to you. Please, don�t ask me again�please-�

The obsidian-eyed teen frowned. It sounded as though Remus were going to ask -or rather, plead- for something at the end there, but he had cut himself short. Whether it was because he felt the effort futile or simply did not like the beseeching tone his voice had taken, Severus could not be sure. He absently rubbed Remus� arm as he thought, and did not notice doing so until he felt the body under his hand relax marginally.

�All right, what about a deal then?� asked the raven-haired boy. �I won�t ask you about this, and you don�t lie to me about it.�

There was an agonising moment wherein Remus made no sound or motions and Severus wondered if he had actually misjudged the other boy for once. Then, the fawn-haired teen released a shaky breath before nodding. �It�s a deal�thank you, Severus.�

The obsidian-eyed teen smirked; nowhere in the bargain had he said he would not try to find out what ailment his friend suffered from by other means�and he knew that Remus would not have missed that detail. The smirk faded to confusion as he noticed that he was still rubbing his friend�s arm, and that the fawn-haired boy�s shoulders had drooped. �Are you unwell?�

Severus was aware that the conversation had started with him asking that question and expected to receive a very similar answer to the previous one or, for Remus to tease him by pointing out that his side was sore from some git poking him. The response he received instead astounded him and left him awed.

Remus raised his head as well as his eyes to meet Severus� gaze, his brown eyes warm and soft as always, but also completely open and unguarded. An incredible weariness, as well as hints of fear and hope, a strange resignation, and something powerful that the raven-haired teen could not name, even as something in himself reacted immediately, all stared at him in those gentle eyes.

�I�m tired,� the brown-eyed teen answered quietly.

Quite suddenly, the raven-haired boy understood that he had bargained for much more than he had realised, and he had received it willingly. The thought made him want to grin like an idiot for some reason, but he refrained and settled for brushing Remus� hair out of his eyes as he finally removed his hand from the thin arm.
�I have a lot of reading to do for Arithmancy. It will take at least an hour; you can rest a while and I�ll wake you when I�m ready to move onto another subject�if you like.�

The fawn-haired boy smiled tentatively, �If you�re sure you don�t mind��

�I would not offer if I did. You know that.�

The smile gained some confidence. �Thank you, Severus�you�re a good friend.�

An hour later found Severus -Arithmancy homework still unfinished- watching the fawn-haired boy sleep as he pondered yet another fact about Remus Lupin that caused him the most concern of all�and that was how strongly the scarred boy was able to move him.

The obsidian-eyed teen only had one other friendship to compare it to himself, aside from his observations of Remus, Potter, Black, and Pettigrew, but none of those friendships seemed to reach the same comfort level that he and Remus had.
As much as they cared for one another, Severus could not imagine him or Lily curling up against the other as they slept, nor simply stroking each other�s hair as they watched them sleep. He had never seen Remus do anything similar with any of his other friends either.

He wondered, with a growing sense of alarm, if theirs was a normal friendship that was simply stronger than those others were, or if it was something more.

Severus soon found himself spending much of his Easter break in Remus� company, and no closer to an answer to the questions that had been plaguing him. The other students remained in school over Easter, so the boys spent more time apart than they had during Christmas break. However, the fact that their OWLs were only a couple of months away meant that most of the fifth year students were so busy studying, that Severus and Remus were still able to spend more time together than they could during normal school days.

Although he did spend more time with his housemates as well, the raven-haired teen spent much of his time away from Remus observing the shorter teen. Between the mystery of Remus� illness and the questions, he had about the pale boy and their friendship, Severus really did not find this behaviour remarkable. Lily, however, made a point to tell him that he was showing an unusual interest in their brown-eyed friend. Potter, Black, and Pettigrew had noticed Severus interest as well, but had assumed that the interest was in them as opposed to their quiet friend.

The appearance of many leaflets on various careers in the magical community at the beginning of the final week of the break was a welcomed change of subject for most of the fifth years. However, it only served to make Severus, and it seemed Remus as well, feel segregated from most of the other students.

For Severus, it showed him that he would never be quite the same as the other Slytherins, many of whom would inherit wealth and influence and did not need to worry over their careers�or at least have their futures well planned by their families. It also brought up the subject of the war raging outside of Hogwarts, as many students had to consider what side they would find themselves on, if they could possibly avoid choosing a side, or whether they would be better off outside the magical community.
Remus, for reasons he never voiced, grew unnervingly quiet around this time as well.

Severus finally decided to address the subject a few days into his friend�s sudden introversion, while they were studying together in Remus� clearing (as Severus thought of it). Actually, Severus had been writing out an alternative brewing method to the one printed in his used copy of Advanced Potions and Remus was reading a Muggle book; for both had decided a break was in order. After all, they did study more than over half the school as it was.

The obsidian-eyed boy closed his potions book and moved closer to the shorter boy. He arched an eyebrow when he saw what the book the brown-eyed boy was engulfed in was about, �Wolves?�

The fawn-haired teen started and then turned slightly timid eyes to the taller boy. He blinked when Severus� eyes softened somewhat and then relaxed. �I- They�re really fascinating. Their social structures are very intriguing��

�Really?� Severus was not actually all that interested in wolves, but his friend clearly was and talking usually helped Remus relax, so he was willing to learn a bit about wolves for the time being. Who knew�perhaps the information would prove useful one day. �How so?�

�Well, they tend to live in packs that can range from just a few to dozens of wolves. There is an alpha male and female, one of which leads the entire pack, and beta males and females. As well as the omega wolf.� explained the scarred boy with an odd, distant quality to his voice. It was clear that his mind was only partially on the conversation, which was very unusual for Remus. He normally gave Severus his complete attention when they spoke.

�Omega wolf?� questioned the raven-haired boy, showing genuine interest now for reasons he could not fully explain.

�It�s the wolf at the bottom of the ranks. He maintains the social order of the pack. If the alpha is angry, he tends to pick on this wolf or deny him food, rather than upset the rest of the pack. Other members will take him on too, rather than upset the order when they know they cannot actually rise in rank. Packs that have lost their omegas have been known to mourn the loss for days. Omega�s can raise in rank, however, if they decide to fight for it at some point, but they usually seem content with their position in the pack.�
The fawn-haired boy sighed slightly, �Of course, there are lone wolves as well. They just never seem to find a pack to belong to.�

Severus nodded, understanding that he and his friend had once again found themselves in familiar territory. The brown-eyed teen�s other friends, much like Severus� fellow Slytherins, would inherit money and prestige enough to not have to worry about their futures while Remus� would have to earn his place. �The lone ones get along well enough though, don�t they? At least they don�t have to adhere to some brawn-based pecking order.�

�Yeah,� the scarred teen agreed with a slight nod, �But I suppose they must get lonely.�

�Can�t they take a mate?� The obsidian-eyed teen vaguely wondered why that was the first thought to enter his mind. Then, he recalled a myth he had heard and decide dot ask, �Don�t they mate for life�I seem to recall hearing that if one loses it�s mate it pines away or something like that?�

Brown eyes blinked and then turned to Severus as their owner finally gave the taller boy his full attention. The raven-haired teen could not help but let the corner of his mouth turn up at that. The almost-smile faded when he noticed that Remus flushed slightly as he answered, and Severus wondered if his friend was feeling all right�although he had noticed that it usually took a month for his illness to act up again once it landed him in the infirmary.

�They do mate for life, and if one dies, the other pines for their lost mate, but sometimes they�re able to find another later on. They don�t just wither away and die.� The fawn-haired teen shrugged slightly, �They aren�t that different from us, when you think about it. They�re just more accepting and�honest.�

The obsidian-eyed boy was not sure how to respond to that. He could tell that his friend had more on his mind than lupine behaviour and really wished to help, but comforting others was not his forte and he knew it. A few seconds stretched out as Severus considered and dismissed several possible courses of action, but before he could think of anything comforting to say that would not leave himself too vulnerable, Remus spoke again.

�I wish I was more like you, Severus.� The fawn-haired boy had looked away during the silence, and now he did not appear to be looking at anything. Instead, his eyes and voice were distant.

That stunned the raven-haired teen into another bought of blank-faced silence. He had never imagined that anyone, much less someone as polite and caring as Remus, would want to be like him. Finally, he managed to arch an eyebrow questionably. �What?�

�I wish I was more like you,� Remus repeated the words with just a little more force, to ensure that he was heard. �You should have been the Gryffindor�you�re much braver than I am. You don�t worry over what others think of you. You don�t try to force yourself to be something you aren�t just so they�ll accept you.�

Severus frowned slightly. He could not deny what the shorter boy had said, but he had never considered those traits to be proof of bravery. Thinking on it, he realised it was the result of those traits that usually led others to thinking that he was arrogant or uncaring. He had never thought someone would consider those positive attributes.

Shaking off the odd warmth that suddenly bloomed in his stomach, the obsidian-eyed boy decided to turn his attention back to easing his friend�s mind. While he knew that Remus was keeping the nature of his mysterious illness a secret, Severus was also sure that nothing else about the boy was faked or forced while in his presence. The Slytherin had become quite adept at reading people, and he trusted his own deductions.

�You can�t please everyone, Remus. You�ll only damage yourself if you try.� He was tempted to point out that while spoiled brats like Potter and Black might not appreciate some of the brown-eyed boy�s more cautious or scholarly attributes, others would, however, he knew it was not the time for such a statement. �Besides, when you don�t try to earn acceptance, you gain a higher appreciation for those who accept you anyway.�

Brown eyes seemed to fill with hope and despair in equal parts at that, before a mix of emotions Severus could not name blended into them. Then, Remus offered him a warm, sweet smile and reached over to grasp his hand, which he gave a small squeeze as he murmured, �Thank you, Severus.�

The odd warmth returned, filling him so entirely that the obsidian-eyed boy half-expected his friend�s scarred hand to be burned by it. Instead, the fawn-hired boy simply allowed his hand to lie over Severus� as though it were a completely natural gesture�and Severus had to admit, it felt that way to him.

Keeping his futures carefully neutral, save for a hint of a smile that he could not fight without scowling, the raven-haired teen nodded to his friend. Remus� smile turned somehow warmer at this, and Severus suddenly found that the warmth flooding through his body was pooling in a rather embarrassing location.

Thinking quickly, which the obsidian-eyed boy was finding more difficult than usual, between the odd warmth in his chest, the feel of the slightly smaller hand on his, the gentle eyes that were still holding his gaze, and the rapidly growing problem in his trousers, Severus finally found his voice.

�Could I see that book?�

Remus blinked, looking slightly confused by the somewhat husky tone of the taller boy�s voice. �Er, sure��

A few thing happened very quickly then. Remus pulled his hand away as he glanced at and picked up the book in his lap. Severus somehow managed to sigh in relief while groaning at the loss of the warm gaze and hand simultaneously, which resulted in a strange growl-like sound. The brown-eyed boy looked up, startled, and then he and Severus ended up staring at each other once again, this time, however, the air around them seemed heavy rather than comfortable as it was before.

Remus spoke first this time, but his hoarse voice faltered slightly at first. �W- Er�are you all right?�

�Fine,� Severus answered as he discreetly lifted the book from his friend�s hands and placed it across his own lap, giving him both a reason to look away and something to block the unsightly bulge in his trousers. �Why wouldn�t I be?�

�Well�I�er, never mind.� The shorter boy looked away nervously, then looked slightly confused before he glanced up, as though looking at the sun, and then checked his watch, looking a little disappointed. �Oh, I�m late to meet Peter.�

The obsidian-eyed boy blinked, as it was still a little hard to form coherent thoughts at the moment, and then recalled Remus saying that he had promised to help Pettigrew with his Transfiguration when they had met that morning. �Oh, would you mind if I borrow this for the evening?� Severus tapped the book in his lap and had to bite back a grunt at it jabbed a rather sensitive part of his anatomy.

�Of course,� Remus replied calmly, his usual kind expression had settled back onto his face. He turned and gathered his things before standing and offering the taller boy another smile. �Do you want to meet somewhere tomorrow?�

Severus nodded before he had even been aware of doing so. �Why not back here, say, an hour after breakfast?�

�All right, I�ll see you in the morning then.�

The raven-haired boy nodded again, offered a wave in return to the small one Remus parted with, and then dropped his head back against the tree he was leaning against and groaned lightly. For a long moment, he did not move, but simply thought over all that had just happened. He realised he had been right over the past few months; his and Remus� relationship was not developing as a normal friendship did. In fact, he was now certain that he wanted the shorter boy as much more than just a friend.

Severus briefly considered the other couple of incidents when he had felt something for another person. The first had been Lily, whom he had harboured a crush on for some time, but that was over and had been more of a childish longing, most likely brought about by Lily being the first person to accept him as he was.
The second incident had been brief, during his second year at Hogwarts, and was aimed at Narsissa Black, a Slytherin girl who was in her seventh year at the time. That one Severus could confidently write off as a simple fleeting attraction, based solely on looks.

This feeling was different, and not just because Remus was a boy�for although Severus did note idly that he must be bisexual, that fact really did not mean much to him. What did mean something to him, was the sheer amount of feelings that Remus managed to provoke in him. He felt urges that he never had before when it came to the pale Gryffindor. He wanted to smile, comfort, protect, and touch�things that Severus Snape simply did not do.

Of course, all the thinking and rationalising was doing nothing to solve the raven-haired teen�s more immediate problem. With a frustrated sigh, the obsidian-eyed boy took a quick glance around and cast Muffllato around the small clearing before sliding the book off his lap and hastily unfastening his trousers.

Severus had never been one to use his imagination that often. He felt that there was little to be gained in wondering what it would be like if certain things were different, however, over the past six months he had started to indulge in such fancies once in a while, no doubt as the result of Remus� influence. Therefore, it came as little surprise to him when he imagined that a pair of pale, scarred hands replaced his own as he stroked himself to completion.

The obsidian-eyed teen sat there, panting yet sated, for a moment before he decided to clean himself off. He then started to gather his things to leave, knowing he could hardly deny, even to himself, that he was attracted to Remus after that. Unfortunately, he had no idea where his friend�s interests lay in the matter, for in all the discussions they had shared, no romantic or sexual interest had ever come up. Severus had actually just thought of his friend as asexual all that time, since he had never seen any signs of romantic interest from the boy toward anyone.
In any case, the raven-haired teen decided that Remus was too good a friend to risk scaring him off. Thus, he decided he would simply have to wait and hope that the crush faded over time as his others had. Severus did not want to consider the alternative just yet.

His thoughts stilled completely when his eyes landed on the book he had borrowed from Remus, which had opened to a different page when he unceremoniously tossed it aside in his earlier haste. A close up of a wolf�s face covered most of the right page, and something about its golden brown eyes stirred Severus� thoughts, though he could not say why it had this affect on him.
He pulled the book closer to him and inspected the image. There was a diagram of an eye on the opposite page, as well as several small images of wolfs eyes -all in various shades of brown- with passages explaining eye colour and vision. One of the passages explained that wolves were partially colour blind, and that it used to be believed they were entirely colour blind, like dogs, but recent studies showed them reacting to red and yellow stained snow. Severus frowned and his eyes shifted, to the top of the page, where the chapter title was printed beside the page number: Lupine Anatomy.

Moving as though in a daze, the raven-haired boy pulled out his Astronomy text and flipped through the pages until he came across a chart of the current year�s lunar cycle: Every twenty-eight days, without fail, there was a full moon marked. Each of those same evenings were marked in Severus calendar as well, because they were the nights Remus had been taken to the infirmary.

Severus grabbed the books and his bag and ran to the library as quickly as his legs would carry him.

Several hours later found Severus surrounded by books on curses, magical creatures, and dark magic, wearing a rather frustrated expression. He could not believe the sheer lack of information on werewolves. All of the books essentially said the same things. One could only become a werewolf by being bitten by one. Werewolves looked the same as any other human until the full moon rose, then they transformed into a wolf�there were a few distinctions between a natural wolf and a transformed werewolf, none of which Severus thought mattered much in Britain as natural wolves were extinct.

Werewolves were savage and vicious and sought out human prey. Werewolves were not human, and should be loathed and feared. The Ministry of Magic had long since established a Werewolf Registry and a Werewolf Code of Conduct. The latter was available to the public; the former was not, which Severus found incredibly unhelpful. There were also entire chapters devoted to the destruction of werewolves, telling how wounds inflicted by one were cursed and could not be healed by spells, as well as which curses and poisons worked best against the beasts.

The obsidian-eyed teen sighed as he began putting the books away. While the lunar cycle and unique form of colour blindness fit, and the wounds that apparently could not be healed that appeared afterwards, none of the listed werewolf personality traits fit Remus. The boy was gentle and unassuming, not vicious and savage. He certainly never showed a desire to harm anyone and seemed more human than half of Severus� housemates did. In the end, the raven-haired teen found himself feeling slightly guilty for even considering the notion, after all, there were other forms of magic and illnesses that could be influenced by the lunar cycle.

While putting away the books he had borrowed from the library�s restricted section, thanks to a note from Professor Slughorn, Severus noticed a title that he had never paid any attention to before. It came into print a couple years before, and had caused a bit of a controversy, as a werewolf supposedly wrote it. Hairy Snout, Human Heart was actually listed as being by an anonymous author, which came as no surprise since it would be incredibly foolish for someone to admit to being a werewolf publicly.

Looking through it, Severus could see why the book had spawned controversy; he was actually surprised that the book had been published at all. It took a very different approach to the subject of lycanthropy; in fact, Severus guessed it could easily stir a sense of pity for the creatures in someone more inclined to sympathy than he was. It briefly covered the history of werewolf lore, noting that werewolves were not considered all bad until shortly before the werewolf trials of the sixteenth century, which were less public and even more brutal than the witch trials of the same period.
While the author admitted that the transformations probably took only a few minutes as the other books stated, he or she described them as being unbearably painful. The author also claimed that werewolves had no control or knowledge of their actions during the nights they were transformed. To add to the horror, it seemed that werewolves actually would rip into themselves if kept contained and away from humans -as they must, in accordance with the Werewolf Code of Conduct- adding further injuries to the wear and tear of the transformation process. Naturally, these wounds could not be healed with spells and were difficult to treat with potions or ointments as well, although the author stated that werewolves seemed to heal just a little bit faster than humans did.
The author also pointed out that he or she grew weaker as the moon neared, while their body prepared for the transformation, and their appetite diminished over this period as well. In the end, their suffering was not limited to one night of the month, but merely climaxed on the eve of the full moon.

The previous sensation of guilt gave way to confusion and a strange cold feeling of dread. Severus hated to admit it, but it all fit.

The sallow-skinned Slytherin spent most of the next day avoiding his friends as he tried to figure out what these new revelations ultimately meant to him, until Lily finally found him in an empty classroom in the dungeons.

�All right, spill it,� stated the redhead irritably as she dropped her bag next to him and placed her hands on her hips. �Apparently, you were supposed to meet Remus this morning and you didn�t show. He�s been looking for you ever since and he�s getting really worried. He even made Potter and Black swear that they hadn�t done anything to you. What�s going on?�

The raven-haired boy swore lightly as he grabbed his own bag, �I forgot. Where is he now?�

�You forgot? Since when do you just forget your friends? Hey-� Lily grabbed the boy by his arm as he tried to pass her in the doorway. Green eyes narrowed slightly as the girl looked her friend over in concern. �What is it?�

A thousand plausible lies came to the obsidian-eyed teen, but he decided he might as well run the one of his ideas by Lily. Perhaps she could come up with an alternative answer. �Lily, have you ever given thought to Lupin�s illness?�

The redhead blinked and looked somewhat thrown off; �Er, no�not really; Why?�

�Well, have you made any observations on it? Like how it comes and goes like clockwork�every twenty-eight days. Or how he never wears short sleeves; how sometimes he looks like he can barely manage walking while other times he can catch a book you drop before it even hits the ground?�

�He�s ill, Sev,� Lily drew out the words slowly, as though explaining something that should be obvious and giving him the chance to catch on before she actually had to state the obvious part. �Of course, he�s going to be weak during the onset and recovery and then fine during the rest of the time. Obviously it�s some sort of chronic thing�he never complains, so he�s probably had it for some time, maybe he�s always had it.�

�What chronic illnesses follow the lunar cycle, Lily?� Severus asked, and did not want to admit that he was hoping she might come up with a suitable answer.

Now the green-eyed girl looked even more confused. �What does the lunar cycle have to do with anything?�

�Every four weeks, without fail, Lupin is placed in the infirmary overnight,� the raven-haired teen kept his tone as level as possible, �On the evening of the full moon.�

Lily still looked puzzled, �So, you think the full moon has something to do with it? How do you know it�s always on the night of- never mind, of course you�d know;� The redhead shook her head and waved off the question. �Haven�t you said he�s in the hospital wing for more than one night sometimes, though? What would the moon have to do with that?�

Severus took a deep breath before answering, hoping that he was not about to make a huge mistake. �Wounds made by werewolves cannot be healed magically, so he�d need an extra night if they were serious�and then he�d be scarred and try his best to hide those scars, because if someone noticed them -noticed that he keeps getting new ones- they�d question why they weren�t healed and how the injuries happened to begin with.�

Lily�s mouth worked soundlessly for a moment before she managed to form an answer. �You�you�re serious? You think that Remus is a�a- No, Severus, that�s ridiculous.�

The obsidian-eyed boy raised his eyebrows questioningly, �Why?�

�Why�? Because, well, we know him;� The redhead looked shocked and sounded slightly exasperated. �We�ve covered werewolves in DADA and History of Magic; they�re monsters. Remus is sweet and quiet, and-and polite and small�and just no, there�s no way.�

�Trust me, Lily, I thought the same thing at first,� Severus held up a hand to prevent the girl from interrupting him. �I�ve spent far more time with him than you have and you�re right; he�s kind, polite, unassuming, and he wouldn�t hurt a fly, but there is no evidence that suggests a werewolf cannot be gentle while in human form. Everyone just assumes they�re vile creatures; no one has bothered studying them as a species. We don�t know half as much about them as we do about centaurs or merfolk.�

�Wait, just wait;� Lily held up a hand this time and Severus waited as she seemed to think his last words over, almost looking as though she were remembering something. Then she suddenly narrowed her eyes at the raven-haired boy and placed her hands on her hips again. �I know what this is about. You finally figured it out, haven�t you? �And now you�re scared to face it, so you�re trying to find a reason to keep him away.�

Severus gaped, �I- What? Lily, what are you-?�

�Oh, how can you still be so�� Lily made a very frustrated sound and stomped one foot, �Boys, ugh. Look, you like Remus, as in like him-like him, and now you�re freaking out because�I don�t know. Maybe you just realised that you swing that way or you�re afraid of domestic relationships because of your parents or-�

Obsidian eyes narrowed and Severus straightened to his full height. �Lily, you have been watching far too much Muggle television. I did not conclude that Lupin is a lycanthrope simply to avoid acknowledging an attraction toward him. I�ve been pondering his illness for over a year now, you know that.�

The redhead rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. �Yes, I know; and for all your obsessing about him over the years, you never considered that he might be a werewolf until you just happened to realise that you have a thing for him.�

�Just because I figured out that he�s a werewolf right after I figured out how I feel about him doesn�t mean that one fact negates the other.� Lily smirked victoriously as Severus� eyes widened when he realised what he had just said. �I mean�I-� Obsidian eyes blinked and then Severus frowned. Considering the words he had used to describe the boy before as well, he realised that trying to write it off as a crush was not going to work�on Lily or himself. �...Bloody hell.�

Lily grinned and patted her friend on the arm. �Now, just get this crazy werewolf notion out of your head, and you�ll be on the right track. Or better yet, tell him you want to pretend he�s a werewolf and you need to establish yourself as his alpha.� The redhead waggled her eyebrows ludicrously -at least, in Severus� opinion- and then headed for the door. �See you later, Sev. Remus should be checking with the elves in the kitchen right about now. Good luck!�

Severus went to the kitchens and told Remus that he had been caught up in his studies. The fawn-haired boy completely understood, as usual.

Later that day, the obsidian-eyed boy was still arguing with himself as he and Remus quizzed each other. After Severus had made his third error when asked about the Goblin Rebellion, his brown-eyed friend sighed, �Severus, are you all right? You don�t seem to be paying attention�did something happen after I left yesterday?�

The concern in Remus� voice and gaze made Severus want to assure his friend that everything was all right, and he certainly did not have any problems in selling a lie. However, there was another thing he wanted to know about his friend since his discoveries the other day, and he realised this might be an opportunity to slake his curiosity and convince Remus that he was suffering from a simpler concern.

�Well, yes, actually,� the raven-haired teen sat straighter and looked his friend in the eye; �Naturally, I�d rather not have anyone else know about it though�besides you.�

The brown-eyed boy nodded slowly, looking slightly confused that he was being made an exception, �Of course. I wouldn�t tell anyone about your business.�

Severus knew Remus would keep his secrets; he had not even been surprised when neither Potter nor Black teased him about his family, both being clearly still ignorant about it. He nodded and offered the smallest grin to his friend before turning serious again. �Have you ever�noticed another boy?�

To his credit, the polite, calm expression of interest that had graced Remus� face once Severus starting talking did not falter. Only the gentle rise of his eyebrows gave away that he understood the significance of the stress placed on the word �noticed�. ��Yes.�

Obsidian eyes blinked; Severus had not expected such a direct answer. �You don�t have any issues with that?�

A slight crease appeared between the brown-eyed boy�s eyebrows before his expression smooth into a calm one and he lightly shoved the taller boy�s shoulder, �Of course not. Did you think that I would? I don�t know about the magical community, but you don�t want to advertise that sort of thing around Muggles. I am a little surprised though�it always seemed to me that you only had eyes for Lily.�

The raven-haired teen thought he did exceptionally well at hiding his surprise at the shorter boy�s last statement. �We are and have always been, friends only. As for your warning, it isn�t greatly accepted among wizards either�not that it�s much of a surprise, considering the pure blood ideals that are still lingering. You�re less likely to obtain physical injury over it than in Muggle communities, however.�

Remus nodded and looked away before replying quietly, �At least that�s something.�

Severus was once again plagued by the unusual desire to touch and protect and comfort, however, he did not attempt to act on the feeling or the strange pull in his chest. �It is.�

The scarred teen looked at the taller boy again, and offered a small smile that did not light up his eyes the way his smiles normally did. �So you noticed someone yesterday�is that what happened to you?�

The sallow-skinned boy could not quite place what was off with his friend, but decided to assure him as best he could. �I have never felt that way about another male before. I needed some time to reflect on the revelation. I did not mean to concern you though�or ignore you.�

�Oh, I understand.� The small, understanding smile that the shorter boy offered was not lacking anything this time and he gently rested one hand on the taller boy�s arm for a too-brief moment. Severus felt a familiar warmth starting to stir in him, and so it took him a moment to register what Remus was saying next. �I�ll also understand if you�ll need to spend less time in my company�I wouldn�t want to get in the way-�

�Remus, don�t be ridiculous,� Severus interrupted, believing he had figured out why the smile had not reached his friend�s eyes before. Clearly, he decided, Remus had thought he was going to pull away. �I�m not going to be actively wooing boys now any more than I have been trying to court girls all this time. I just noticed someone�a simple crush; nothing more.�

Remus offered a small smile that looked strangely sympathetic, and his eyes held traces of guilt and relief. More surprising to Severus was the fact that he found himself feeling the exact same emotions. Even as he suggested they return to their studies, he could not help but wonder what caused those feelings in his friend, and also, how alone a lycanthrope would be if they did feel the desire the have someone.
The raven-haired teen briefly wondered if he could be with a werewolf before he tried to tell himself that his concerns were all unlikely anyway, so he should not worry.

However, he could not help but think that it would be just his luck to fall in love with a werewolf.
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