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Corybantes	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 9752 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; that belongs to J. K. Rowling. I am making no money from this fic.

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Chapter Four�Pensieve
Thoughts and Pensive Thoughts

�� Harry
watched carefully as Malfoy touched his wand to his temple and drew out a
strand of memory that he deposited in the Pensieve in the center of the table. Malfoy
could whirl around and cast a curse at Harry with his wand at that angle;
nothing easier.

�� And maybe
he would, since he seemed to have taken such a blow from those careless words
of Harry�s earlier. The only thing Harry could do was stand ready and
counteract the curse the moment he saw it flying.

�� But Malfoy
stepped back and into the corner when he finished. He stared at the Pensieve,
sighed, and turned his head by slow degrees to face Harry. �There�s the memory
of what I saw in the room where Keatson died,� he said simply. �Go ahead and
look at it, though I don�t know if you can discover anything to help you.�

�� Harry
nodded. �Thank you.� His voice was clipped, but he couldn�t help that. He was
struggling between regret at having hurt Malfoy and confusion over what else he
was supposed to do. Malfoy had acted as though Harry had flung himself at his
feet and begged for his tender attentions. It was distracting and stupid. Harry
just wanted to get through the case and leave the club again. Malfoy had to
have known that, since Harry�s distaste had been obvious from the first minute
he entered Corybantes.

�� You can tell people what�s wrong as clearly
as you can and still no one listens to you, Harry thought as he stepped up
to the Pensieve.

�� He had
never lost his dislike of ducking his head into someone else�s memories, since
fifth year when he had invaded Snape�s and discovered more than he wanted to.
But this was far from the worst thing about this case, so he did it.

�� There was
the usual spinning and falling sensation, and then he came back to himself in a
corridor outside the room Keatson had used. Shadow was looking anxiously at
Malfoy, who had sprinted up to the door and was examining it with a frown.
Harry could see other employees of the club behind him, one with a lizard�s
crest, one with white fur all over her face, and one with a lion�s tail and
scraping goat�s hooves that made Harry think uneasily of unicorn fetishists.

�� The wards
couldn�t have fallen and let someone inside,� Malfoy said. �That�s not
possible.�

�� His voice
was brisk and decisive, his face mobile with emotion as he looked between
Shadow and the door. Harry was startled. Malfoy had never looked or sounded
like that in front of him since he came to Corybantes. In fact, he seemed to go
out of his way to be languid and decadent, or else more fervent in a way that
rang all sorts of alarms in Harry�s mind.

�� That means he�s not being honest with me
about his emotions. Not that he has to tell me everything he feels. But what�s
the point of a deception that artistic?

�� Shadow
leaned forwards and timidly touched Malfoy�s arm. �Do you think you should go
in, sir? I mean, if you��

�� She flushed
and fell silent under the look that Malfoy cast her. Harry nodded slowly. So even when I�m not around, there are
things he doesn�t want to talk to her about. Interesting.

�� It�s my
duty to see for myself,� said Malfoy softly, firmly, and then opened the door
and stepped into the room.

�� Harry wondered
if the body would be moved; it seemed that Shadow had already found it and then
fetched Malfoy. But Keatson lay on the floor with his eyes turned up towards
the ceiling. The blood around him was still fresh, and sparkled on his robes
and the floor. The gaping wound in his throat looked no different from the way
that Harry had seen it, except for the blood actually flowing from it.

�� Harry
narrowed his eyes. There was one thing that he hadn�t expected, though given
the non-specificity of the descriptions from Shadow and Malfoy, they could have
told him about it and he might have assumed they meant something else. A long
blood smear covered the floor behind Keatson,
as if he had been dragged across the ground on his front before someone flipped
him over. At least, Harry couldn�t imagine that there would be that much blood,
thick as paint, in the smear unless it had come directly from the throat wound.

�� He walked
forwards to look at the smear while Malfoy sighed and gave orders about
cleaning up the room. If necessary, he would rewatch the memory to take note of
Malfoy�s exact words and the expression on his face, but so far it didn�t sound
like anything that he hadn�t expected.

�� The smear
was easily a foot wide, and pointed like an awkwardly angled arrow at Keatson�s
neck. Harry whistled through his teeth. He had a new possibility for how
Keatson had died now, which the position of the throat wound had prevented him
from seeing at first: he might have been facing his attacker and even struggled
with him, then fallen to the floor with the blood literally spouting from the
vein.

�� Shadow was
the one who came forwards to magic the blood up. Harry turned to look over her
ducking head and saw Malfoy standing with his arms folded as he looked down at
Keatson. His face was bleak, but Harry didn�t see shock in the lines around his
eyes.

�� He sighed
once, and murmured something that Harry couldn�t make out and doubted he could
even if he rewatched the memory. Then he stooped over the body and studied the
robes and the blood for a moment.

�� This time,
Harry was close enough to hear Malfoy�s words, which were soft but not quite a
whisper. �Fantasy wasn�t enough to satisfy you in the end. I hope that you�re
finally satisfied, and that your afterlife, if there�s such a thing, is happier
than your life.� He let his hand reach out until his fingers hovered over
Keatson�s cheek, though he didn�t actually touch the skin, and then gave him a
small bow and stood up.

�� Harry
snorted. That doesn�t sound like someone
who was surprised that Keatson died.

�� Which meant
that Malfoy might have been lying all along.

�� If he�s trying to protect someone in his
club who did the killing just so he can keep Corybantes open, I�m going to kill
him.

�� Harry shut
his eyes as a whirling surrounded him, marking the end of the memory. He would
have to ask Malfoy about his words, but he would try to do it without making
the words harsh enough to wound him again.

�� If I only knew why my words wounded him in
the first place.

*

�� Harry
lifted his head from the Pensieve and shook his hair back from his face. Then
he turned to Malfoy and opened his mouth for the first question.

�� Malfoy�s
expression silenced him. In the time that Harry was viewing his memories,
Malfoy seemed to have recovered his pride. His head was lifted as though he
intended to break empires with his chin, and his hands were clasped behind his
back. He could have been mistaken as courteous if you weren�t familiar with his
face. But Harry had learned a good deal about that in the last few days.

�� I don�t
deserve to be scolded and taunted by you, Potter,� Malfoy said, his eyes glittering
with cold light, his voice soft and light as snowfall. �I think from now on, we
should confine our discussion purely to the topic of the case.�

�� It was what
Harry had asked for. It was what he had thought only a short time ago he would
have been grateful for.

�� But now an
unexpected sense of loss shivered through him, and it was another moment before
he could decide how to respond.

�� I want to
know why you spoke to Keatson as if you knew that he was likely to die
someday,� Harry said. �You told him that fantasy wasn�t enough to satisfy him
in the end. Why did you say that? It implies that you know how he died or at
least why, and yet you told me that the fantasies in the rooms couldn�t kill
the clients.� By the end of the speech, Harry�s confidence had come back.
Malfoy�s reserve should have been present from the beginning. They would get
along just fine now that he was behaving like a business owner unfortunately
implicated in a crime instead of someone who wanted to�

�� What?

�� Despite
Malfoy�s speech, Harry had to admit that he still didn�t know what the point of
Malfoy�s little drama had been. He might have fantasies about Harry�s
friendship, but he couldn�t think they would translate into reality in this particular situation, surely? Not
when Harry had to suspect him and some of the people connected to Corybantes?

�� Harry meant
what he had said: if he had met Malfoy outside the case, then he would have been
more open to offers of friendship. But not when there was a dead body between
them to make things so much more complicated.

�� I meant
what I said.� Malfoy�s voice was low. �I sometimes suspected that Keatson would
destroy himself. I simply never thought that he would manage to use our club to
do so.�

�� Harry
blinked. �You told me that your fantasies couldn�t kill or permanently harm
your clients no matter what happened.�

�� They
cannot.� Malfoy was standing very still now, and Harry suspected that he was trying
to hold in frustrations of his own. �However, that would not prevent Keatson
from trying to figure out a way around them. And the magic is experimental.�
His nostrils flared. �It hasn�t been used long enough to work out every
loophole. I tested it for the effects on our clients, our employees, and
myself, and was not satisfied without meticulous research. That doesn�t mean
that someone who was determined enough couldn�t have researched a way around my
research, or noticed something about the interaction of spells that I didn�t.�

�� Harry
restrained a shout at Malfoy, but it was difficult. �Why didn�t you tell me
that at once? It would have saved me needless worry about you and Shadow and
given a new direction to the investigation.�

�� It was a
conclusion that came to me just now, as I watched you with your head in my
memories, and combined the new thought with my observation of Keatson�s
behavior over the last several months.� Malfoy�s voice was cool. �May I have
access to my memories now?� He brushed past Harry and extended his wand to pick
up the silvery strand of thought.

�� Harry
bristled but moved out of the way, because he wasn�t about to risk a physical
confrontation with Malfoy right now.

�� It was
never my intention to scold or taunt you,� he told Malfoy�s back. �It was my
intention to solve the goddamn case. Anything that gets in the way of that is a
distraction that I can�t afford. And neither can you, if you actually want to
keep Corybantes open and help people with their fantasies the way you said you
did.�

�� Malfoy
didn�t turn around or respond for long minutes, as though the process of
fishing the memory out of the Pensieve was more complicated than it looked.
Harry waited. He intended to look through Keatson�s personal effects, now that
he had certain reasons to suspect suicide, and they would still be there when
Malfoy turned to face him.

�� Then Harry
started wondering why it was so important to for him to get Malfoy to face him,
and he had to admit, with a small squirm, that he didn�t exactly know.

�� Very well, I do know. I want to understand
Malfoy, and I want to apologize for hurting him, or see some acceptance of my
apology. I can�t do that as long as he�s looking away from me.

�� Malfoy
leaned an elbow on the Pensieve when he finally deigned to look at Harry. His
eyes were deep and serious, and they searched Harry�s face in a way that made
him uneasy. He straightened and pushed his hair behind his ears, then told
himself that was a nervous gesture and he had no reason to make it. He dropped
his hand and tried to look serious and professional.

�� I have it
on good authority,� Malfoy said, his voice colder than Harry had heard it since
Hogwarts, �that the famous Harry Potter hasn�t taken a holiday since he joined
the Ministry. I know that he hasn�t tried to take one, either. I know that no
one knows him anymore, and the papers write stories about how cold and brooding
he is. They weave a romantic fantasy around it, talking about their hero�s scarred
soul and how he needs that special someone to melt his heart and move into it.�
Malfoy sneered. �I deal in fantasies, Potter. I know exactly how much that one
is worth.�

�� Harry
frowned at him. �I�m glad you do. I have taken holidays sometimes in the past.
I was just usually called back from them early. Tell anyone you see spreading
that lie that you know better, from me.�

�� Malfoy
shook his head. �I was speaking of that lie about your being a romantic, lonely
hero. I know the difference between someone like that and someone who is cold
and closed-off because he hasn�t bothered to let any human interaction into his
life in years.�

�� I have
friends,� Harry said shortly. �I�m a godfather. I have co-workers in the
Ministry I�m close to.� He thought of walking away, or of telling Malfoy that
he had no right to this information, but either might jeopardize the
investigation, and Kingsley wouldn�t like either of them. �You don�t know me
any better than the papers do.�

�� Maybe
before you came here, I didn�t,� Malfoy said. �But I�ve seen hundreds of people
walk into Corybantes with that little lost sheep look on their faces. They
don�t know what they want when they come through that door.� He had
straightened, and his voice had grown smoother and nobler. �One of the most
beautiful things that we do here is teach them.�

�� I keep
telling you,� Harry said, feeling his control grow more fragile and crack as
Malfoy recovered his. �I�m not a client. If you stopped trying to relate to me
like I was, then maybe both of us would get ahead in this case.�

�� But you
could be,� Malfoy said. He paused, his eyes darting over Harry as though he
could see something more behind his face than what Harry wanted to show him,
and then added, �And I think you should become one.�

�� Harry swore
under his breath. He allowed himself that indulgence because he knew he would
explode otherwise, and that would set the investigation back further. �You keep
letting this get in the way of telling me the truth and cooperating with me,�
he said, when he could manage words that weren�t obscenities. �And I told you,
I have to solve the murder first. I owe that to Keatson, and to Kingsley, who
put me on the case himself.�

�� And what
about what you owe yourself?� Malfoy whispered.

�� Harry
paused. He was so angry that he had expected words to come to his lips
immediately, but they didn�t. He frowned uneasily, knowing how Malfoy would
interpret that.

�� I can�t
answer that question,� he said at last, when Malfoy�s lips had curved in a smug
grin that seemed to creep further and further up the sides of his face. Harry
turned around and started towards the door of the club. �I assume that the
people responsible for keeping Keatson�s documents know about the connection to
the club?� he added over his shoulder. �I don�t want to betray any information
that�s secret.� He knew the question was stupid as he spoke it�after all,
Corybantes was the place Keatson had died, so his executors knew about that if
nothing else�but he needed some time to recover himself.

�� You don�t
know the answer to that question because you�re a coward.�

�� Harry
stopped, his shoulders rising in irritation. He told himself that he should
keep marching. What was there in Malfoy�s words but one more insult? He didn�t
have to listen to it; he didn�t have to admit it had any influence over him. He
could leave, and Malfoy would realize he had said something stupid and have to
consider it.

�� But for
some reason, he couldn�t choose to depart, any more than he could choose about
having a hook embedded in his flesh. Malfoy�s words had caught him that
powerfully. Harry turned around and tried uselessly to keep his face smooth as
he said, �Tell me why I�m a coward.�

�� Malfoy
detached himself from the Pensieve and slinked towards Harry. His eyes were
bright with a cat-like satisfaction, and even though he didn�t touch Harry this
time, he didn�t need to. His gaze was as heavy as a touch.

�� Because
you�ll probe into hard truths as long as they concern other people,� he said.
�You don�t want to think critically about the choices you�ve made or what
they�ve cost you. You don�t want to change your behavior when it might be
hurtful.�

�� Harry felt
his mouth fall open slightly. That was not at all what he had expected Malfoy
to say. Among other things, it seemed impossible that he should have hurt
Malfoy that much, since this was only his second day of investigation into the
crime. And he doubted that Malfoy knew or cared about anything he might have
done in the last few years to hurt Ron, Hermione, or Kingsley.

�� Look,� he
said at last. �I have thought long
and hard about how I have to handle my emotions. I�ve seen enough horrible
things that I wouldn�t survive if I just went about blathering my feelings with
an open mouth and sobbing because I wanted to shed tears. I know that there�s a
cost to it. But the cost would be worse if I was open.�

�� Be open in
private, then,� Malfoy said, and his voice had turned smoky with intensity.
�Show the world the hard Auror they need to see, and keep your private self for
those who can appreciate it.� He was still five feet away, but Harry felt the
pressure on him as if the distance separating them was a few inches. �For me.�

�� Harry
wanted to laugh, to scoff, to march away, or to give Malfoy a serious speech
about how that was impossible while he still had to suspect Malfoy of lying or
at least of preventing Shadow from telling Harry the truth. But the answer was
so unexpected that he stood there, blinking, and didn�t give the absolute
denial that he should have.

�� It doesn�t
matter what your fantasies are,� Malfoy said, his face pinched and hungry, like
someone who�d stood next to a feast for hours while he was starving. �I�ve seen
worse. Besides, I don�t believe you
could ever have revolting fantasies.� His voice was caressing, and he leaned
forwards as if he wanted to stroke Harry�s arm, but didn�t actually do so.
�I�ve hosted people more paranoid than you are, too. You wouldn�t have to worry
about your secrets escaping to the outside world through me or any of my
employees.�

�� Harry
cleared his throat. �It�s tempting, Malfoy.� It had to be tempting, or he would
have found his inner balance and moved away by now. And fuck, he did have that
bloody ache that wanted expression of some private emotions, wanted to lie
still and trust that the person holding him would not betray him.

�� He would
give a lot for a good massage, for that matter, where he could just concentrate
on the loosening of his muscles in a way that he couldn�t when his mind was
running on the case for the next day.

�� The case.

�� His
discipline rescued him from an indulgence that he knew he couldn�t afford.
Harry opened his eyes and shook his head. �But not while I�m on an
investigation,� he said. �And not�I don�t think you would want to see me around
here.�

�� Malfoy�s
face closed, and he stepped back again. �What have I said since you�ve entered
my doors that has given you that impression? If anything, the impression I
wanted you to take is the opposite one.�

�� I did hurt
you with what I said,� Harry said quietly. �And there�s nothing I can offer you
in return, except money, which you seem to have plenty of.� Malfoy�s face grew
longer and more strained. Harry shrugged. �My fantasies aren�t elaborate. I
don�t want to change myself into an animal, like Shadow, or have wild sex
against a wall. There wouldn�t be much for you to do or arrange for me.�

�� Even that
is more than I knew before,� Malfoy said, and licked his lips. �Thank you,
Potter. I have a much better idea now of why you wouldn�t consent to come to
Corybantes.� He stepped around Harry as if he was going back to his office,
then bent and brought his lips near his ear. �And a much better idea of how to
make sure that you do consent.�

�� Harry
shivered and folded his arms. �You give off a creepy air at times, you know,�
he said, in an attempt to turn the conversation light again. �I wondered
whether you were drugged or hadn�t had enough sleep when I was questioning
Shadow.�

�� I had been
dreaming of you too long,� Malfoy said, his voice smooth. �When I realized that
my dream was close to me, in the flesh, I�m afraid I acted like an idiot. I
didn�t think about how that would look to someone who of course hadn�t shared
the same dreams with me, who didn�t even know that I had them.�

�� You
dreamed about me?� Harry�s words croaked. He was half-convinced that he�d moved
into a surreal world where the opposite of what he expected happened every day.
He�d probably go around the corner and see Ron in the embrace of a lamia next.

�� You hadn�t
picked that up by now?� Malfoy�s hand slid down onto his shoulder and squeezed.
�I�m not sure if I�m more displeased or startled by your innocence.�

�� Harry
tensed and stepped away. Malfoy dropped his hand at once and stood looking at
him, instead of trying to pursue him and pressing the matter. Harry shook his head,
feeling as if his breath were coming short, though he knew that in reality he
was breathing as freely as ever. �I don�t�I have no idea what you want me to
say. This is a shock, Malfoy.� His voice was rising, and he cut it off with a
little huff.

�� I know,�
Malfoy said. His eyes looked enormous again, but this time, from the small
smile that he wore, Harry thought he was simply having trouble containing his
excitement. �But I�ve told you now. It�s up to you what to do about it. Of
course you don�t have to come to Corybantes simply to indulge my fantasies. I�d
much prefer it if you came to indulge your own.� He took a step away, with a
smirk fastened in place.

�� I couldn�t
live up to your fantasy,� Harry said, snatching at straws, because the thought
that Malfoy would be satisfied by him was stranger than the thought that Malfoy
wanted him. �I couldn�t compare with your dreams.�

�� Why don�t
you let me,� Malfoy asked, his voice deepening, �be the judge of that?� He
winked at Harry, and this time left the corridor.

�� Harry shut
his eyes and slapped lightly at his own cheek. Corybantes was a place of
dreams, but for fuck�s sake, that was no excuse for falling into those dreams
when he visited the club.

�� The slap
didn�t wake him up. He still stood there in the heated dark and listened to
groans and gasps and distant laughter, and coped with the fact of being
someone�s fantasy.

�� But even that didn�t make sense, he thought as he
left. He�d known he was plenty of people�s fantasies, and he hadn�t reacted
like this. What Malfoy had said and did to him made sense now.

�� What didn�t
was his own response.

*

�� SP777: As
Draco admitted here, he�s dreamed about Harry so long that he was stunned and
overwhelmed when he saw him, and was so filled with desire that his reactions
were a bit off.

�� I do
receive e-mail responses on the reviews, most of the time.

�� Whitmore:
Thank you!

�� gentlenightrain:
They didn�t, but I think they�ve made strides in this chapter.

�� polka dot: Harry
needs a vacation for even more reasons than that, but he probably won�t take
one, at least until this case is over.

�� hieisdragoness18:
Harry does feel bad about it, but doesn�t know how to make it up to Draco.

�� Tree802:
Draco has admitted part of the reason he �sees� Harry so much. And Harry did
say why his fantasies don�t appear: he uses Occlumency to shield his mind.

�� callistianstar:
Thank you! This Harry is harder and tougher, but also more perceptive. He knew
he needed to learn Occlumency, so he did. And he knows himself well enough that
he isn�t confused about his desires, but on the other hand, he sees no way to
achieve them.

�� Dragon:
Thanks!
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