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Cauldron To Conflagration	By : LordYouko Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 9338 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and make no money from the writing of this fic

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
A/N: Big thanks to Sharlie25 who pointed out that somewhere in the last chapter. Remus had his 'head shoved in his pockets' ^_^ That led me to reedit the entire chapter. Btw, I also found 'bear necessities' in there somewhere.. XD…well, I'll try to do better this time.

Enjoy!

Chapter 4 – The Day Before

As soon as he got they had got back to the castle, Sirius headed to the Hogwarts library.

It was quite late; he'd had no opportunity to slip away before dinner. After Dumbledore and the heads of the houses had managed to herd the excited, chattering students back to their dorms, Sirius had borrowed James's invincibility cloak and headed for the library.

Just in front of the huge double doors, he threw off the cloak and walked in. He could have walked in with the cloak and no one would have known he had broken the curfew but really, there was no need.

Madame Pince, the notorious vulture-like librarian rumored to prey on students, was reading a copy of the The Daily Prophet. She glanced up at him once, above her glasses, then went back to reading. It was a good thing, thought Sirius as he silently made his way towards the Restricted Section, that the staff at Hogwarts followed the spirit rather than the letter of the law.

He walked right to the end of the line of shelves till he came to the section that contained graphic and brutal information, as opposed the sugar coated, literary language, about various magical creatures. The bookshelves here, partially hidden in shadows though free of dust, were full of dark coloured, elaborately bound books, giving the whole area a menacing look. He let his eyes rove over the titles, then took down a particularly gruesome-looking book on Werewolves.

The book was old, the pages yellowed and on the magnificent, red-leather bound cover, it contained a picture of a wizard undergoing an obviously painful transformation. Yes, this was the book he remembered reading sometime during his years abroad.

In his opinion, the syllabus at Hogwarts contained shamefully vague and superfluous knowledge, compared to where he'd come from. Even Durmstrang taught their students more realistically than Hogwarts, which insisted on a very…academic…education. Even the fifth-years' information on werewolves was limited to an essay on the symptoms and characteristics of one. There were some things that required a practical knowledge… no amount of books could fully convey the horrors of certain experiences - and one of them was a werewolf transformation.

He opened the book. A cold wind blew suddenly, although the library contained no windows. A faint, ghostly wail of wolves sounded as if from the distance and Sirius smiled grimly at the enchanted book. Madame Pince really went all out to deter students from reading these, didn't she? Taking his wand out of his pocket, he waved it once over the book, temporarily binding the charms so that they didn't disturb him while reading. At any other time, he would have found the spell funny but right now, he needed to concentrate fully on the task at hand.

He flipped through the pages till he came to the section on the signs before the transformation. He scanned through them- the person's appearance before the transformation. It all fit, right down to the changes in mood. Of course, the symptoms were not definitive – Remus could just as easily be ill or not have had proper sleep but the fear that had crossed his face when he looked at the moon was unmistakable... Sirius's face hardened. He had seen that same fear before, many times, but only on the faces of those who were condemned to undergo the horrific torture of the moon for the rest of their lives.

The Black family heir lost track of time as he poured over the pages listing the characteristics of a werewolf, the stages of the transformation and the horrifying pain involved. The night wore on as Sirius stared at the moving, silent pictures of the man turn into a wolf.

But that's still a man, Sirius thought, jaw tight. What about a boy?

When he finished with that book he took down others, looking for as much information on the subject as possible but it was not enough. Everything listed was very subjective and most of the information was from those who had interviewed individuals who were werewolves but at the time when they were human. There was no mention of what happened to the person when they turned wolf. The humans did not remember anything except vague memories as to what happened to them during the full moon night.

And the worst part was, there was no cure. There was nothing that could make the transformation or the pain of it easier. The usual painkillers could not be used as they mostly worked by blocking the signals of pain emitted by the bodyparts to the brain. But blocking them during the transformation was very dangerous as there had been instances where the person had got stuck in the middle of transformation. The book showed vivid images of the half man, half wolf, stuck in between the transformation, face tortured in unbearable agony.

Sirius closed the last book and sat down, leaning against a shelf and closed his eyes. It was close to dawn now. He had sat here all night but that did not even occur to him. He doubted Remus's friends knew about this. The little rat-like boy Peter and the two giggling girls did not look like they could stomach such a secret. What must it be like for him to go through that alone? To hide such a secret from everyone?

Sirius opened his light gray eyes and frowned.

Come to think of it, how did he hide it from the rest of the school? Obviously, Dumbledore knew about it, but he could not possibly leave Hogwarts every month. That would be very conspicuous. Where did he go each month on the night of the full moon?

The following day, Remus looked even more peaky than usual. Sirius noticed worriedly that even his way of walking had changed. He shuffled his feet and walked with a slump. There was a perpetual pained grimace on his face and Sirius began to be all the more convinced of his earlier theory.

Sirius saw Peter and Lisa giving him cautious glances and generally staying away from him.

"Hey,"

Peter jumped about a foot in the air and let out an undignified squeak. When he turned around to frown at whoever had startled him, his voice stuck in his throat.

"S-Sirius…"

"Hi Peter," said the Black heir, smoothly falling into step with the shorter boy. "I wanted to ask you something."

Peter thought he nodded but her could not be very sure. The only coherent thought going through his head was Sirius Black is talking to me!

"Uhh..sure…"

Sirius threw a casual arm around his shoulders and leaned down so his mouth was in line with Peter's ear. All Sirius had intended to do was to make sure they weren't overheard but Peter's face lit up like a torch.

"How old are you, Peter?"

Peter whipped his head around to stare at Sirius as much as he could while in the other's hold.

"Wh-what?" he stammered, heart hammering.

Peter noticed how Sirius's dark lashes were lowered over his stormy grey eyes that bore deep into his own.

"Answer me," Sirius ordered and Peter swallowed, throat suddenly dry.

"I-I'm f-fourteen."

Sirius drew back a little. "14. So you've known Remus for…how long?"

Peter's eyes widened as he stared at him for a moment, then he looked away quickly to hide the bitter disappointment on his face.

"About, I dunno, ten years or so, I guess. Why?"

Sirius drew his arm away, unaware of the jealousy on Peter's face. "Nothing important. I was just wondering. He's looking a bit…ill today. Anything wrong?"

Sirius was trying to be careful enough so as not to alarm him if he didn't know anything but he needn't have bothered. Peter's attention was not on anything aside from the fact that this dashing, charming boy's attention was wasted on his grouchy, loner of a friend.

"No, no he's just…not feeling well, I guess."

Sirius nodded shortly, then clapped him on the shoulder. So he really didn't know. Peter had known him what, most of his life? And he didn't know. He'd never bothered to find out. Sirius felt an irrational surge of anger towards the daft boy standing in front of him. So this was friendship, was it?

"Thanks," he said distractedly and walked away, leaving Peter to stared after him with strangely longing eyes.

The History of Magic class, taught by the only ghost professor, was usually enough to kill one of boredom but it was very convenient for Lupin when it was one of those days.

It felt great to have his heart slow down. Professor Binns' droning voice, which generally put him to sleep, today calmed him considerably. The day before the transformation was always very difficult with his body preparing for the coming changes, responding to the moon in a very primal way, like wolves did. Only thing was, human bodies were not supposed to respond to the moon, at least not in this way, and the mixture of wolf and human signals crossed over, making him a very cranky person. It was far too dangerous, on too many levels to provoke a werewolf close to a transformation. Fortunately, Peter and Lisa had soon figured out that they needed to stay away from him when he was being this way and the rest of the class anyway considered him too weird to bother interacting with him. Besides, he was sure he did not make a very inviting picture, looking the way he did.

Remus let his head fall on his hands on the desk and allowed his eyes to shut. He could feel the coarse material of his uniform sleeves on his cheeks, the slight, lingering smell of whatever the houselves used to wash the clothes, not detectable by the human nose.

He sighed, relishing the sensation of peace. His senses, on these days, were hyper alert to any danger, maybe due to some deeply programmed wolf thing, and consequently, he overreacted to every small stimulus, snarled at unsuspecting people and, had to be very careful not to do something violent. Human senses, however, were not meant to be that alert for longer than a few minutes and it was like being on an adrenaline high for 24 hour; when it ended, it was exhausting. Strangely, Professor Binn's was the only class where he could genuinely relax a little.

"Mr Lupin, can I see you for a minute?"

He jerked upright at the voice, even though he hadn't really been sleeping.

Nodding hesitantly, he and got up to follow professor McGonagall out of the History of Magic class. He kept his head down as he walked, aware of the entire class's eyes on him.

Peter followed his friend with worried eyes. For the past couple of days, Remus had been looking pale and sickly; he'd even missed a few classes since he was not feeling well.

I hope McGonagall doesn't give him a very hard time, Peter thought.

Remus sat in front of Professor McGonagall in her office, staring miserably at the bowl of ginger biscuits on her desk.

"Tonight's the night," Professor McGonagall began. Remus nodded quietly, every line in his body tensed. "Have you decided what you're going to tell your friends?"

The would-be werewolf took a deep breath.

"I-I'll tell them I have to visit my sick aunt."

Professor McGonagall's face was stern and expressionless as usual but her eyes softened as she looked at the thin, sickly boy in front of her.

"Won't they get suspicious if your aunt always seems to falls sick on the new moon?"

Remus shrugged listlessly. "They…they're not very sharp about stuff like that. I'm sure they're not keeping track."

McGonagall nodded. "Well, your usual bed in the hospital wing will be kept ready. You know the procedure. Go to the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey will be there to escort you to the hidden bed."

Remus nodded, fists clenched in his lap. Professor McGonnagal's eyes dropped once to his hands and then she turned away.

"You will be excused from classes for a day or two after, in case you need to recuperate. If there is anything else, tell me."

Remus nodded and got up to leave.

"Mr. Lupin?"

Remus turned with his hand on the door knob. "Yes, professor?"

"I hope you remember how to still the Whomping Willow?"

Remus nodded. "Press at the heart of it with a long stick."

McGonagall nodded once. "Be sure to maintain a good distance from it. Follow the path into the Shrieking Shack. Leave early to make sure you don't transform on the way. The passageway is not big enough to contain you in your…other form."

Remus's chest tightened. "Yes, professor."

He opened the door and left.

Once he had rounded the corner, Sirius Black stepped out of thin air as he threw off the invisibility cloak.

"A secret passageway in the Whomping Willow," he whispered to himself. "Not bad, old man."

"Hey Lupin,"

Remus raised his head, teeth clenched.

"What, Black?"

Really, the dark-haired boy had the worst timing!

It was nearing sundown. Remus had been just about to get up and slip off to the whomping willow after giving some excuse to his friends when the idiot of a boy had called out to him.

"I need you to help me with something," Sirius grinned as he stepped out of his dorm and walked casually towards the soon-to-be werewolf. Remus and a few other students were the only ones in the common room. Peter and Lisa had made their excuses and were now nowhere in sight. They meant well, really, the two of them. Once, Lisa had tried to insist she take care of him when he was 'sick'. Remus had protested but she had been adamant. When he tried to leave, she'd caught his arm and attempted to drag him away. Remus's wolf side had felt cornered and threatened and he'd lashed out, throwing the shocked girl half-way across the room. She'd made sure not to push him after that.

Remus also got out of his armchair and sighed, a part of him glad for the distraction from his gloomy, anxious thoughts about the night to come.

"What do you want?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow at the rude question. Remus frowned, eyes glued to the wand he was twirling between his fingers. His senses were tingling; there was something wrong about the way Sirius was looking at him.

"Nothing much. I was wondering if you could help me out with an assignment. Would you mind coming to my dorm for a bit?"

Remus looked at him searchingly. "Uh...no I can't tonight, sorry. Gotta go."

He closed the book in his hand and placed it on his armchair, then prepared to leave. Sirius took a step closer to him.

"Oh come on, Remus. I know you guys don't have too much homework to do today; Peter told me so. He's fooling around outside, on the grounds."

Sirius's eyes pierced into his.

"Come to think of it, why aren't you outside too, Remus? With Peter and the girls?"

Remus unconsciously took a step back, swallowing nervously. "I- I told you I have something to do. I'm sorry I can't help you. If you'll excuse me…"

Sirius suddenly stepped forward and blocked his path, hands outstretched. "Alright I lied," he said abruptly and Remus's eyes widened. He stumbled back a few paces.

"What?" he asked quietly.

"I don't need help with a project," Sirius clarified. "The reason I wanted you to come with me to my dorm, was because…I had to ask you something."

Remus's heart thudded with fear. No…no it couldn't be….Sirius couldn't possibly have figured it out that quickly….no way…

"Ask?"

"I hadn't meant to do it like this but-" Sirius shrugged slightly, then stepped close to him, all the while holding his gaze. "Will you go out with me?"

Remus stared at him blankly for a second, and when the words registered, his relief was almost palpable. He was…Sirius was asking him out….that was all…he wasn't…he didn't…

Pushing aside the unexpected pain in his heart, Remus turned away from hi, smiling bitterly.

"Oh. I'm…sorry. I can't."

"Why not?"

Remus's hands clenched into fists at his side, shoulders rigid with anger and helplessness. "Look I- it's complicated. Just…you're an awesome guy, Sirius, and I'm sure you'll find someone better than me…"

"Yeah," Sirius agreed and Remus's eyes narrowed in anger at the boy's arrogance. "But I don't want anyone else. I want you."

Remus's lips thinned into a tight line. He was about to retort when his gaze fell on the swiftly darkening sky outside. His eyes widened in panic and he moved towards the door without turning back to look Sirius, knowing that if he looked, he would stop and he couldn't afford to do that right now.

"I have to go," he said abruptly and headed swiftly towards the door. It was not fair…that it had to end this way. Remus remembered Sirius holding his hand during their candlelit dinner, Sirius pulling him close and kissing him, Sirius under the moonlight in Hogsmead. Despite what he'd thought of the arrogant boy that first night, Remus's opinion of Sirius had changed during the past few days. The persistent, annoying, stinking rich brat had grown on him somehow, and he would have liked to continue their relationship, see where it headed but it could not end any other way. It was really topo bad.

Then he reconsidered his charitable thoughts as Sirius whispered something and Remus suddenly found his arms bound to his side, rooted to the spot.

"What the hell Black!" he snarled, really snarled, wolf very close to the surface as the sun dipped lower in the sky.

"Tell me why," Sirius said calmly, as if they were just having a normal conversation, as if he hadn't just hexed the fleeing boy.

Remus looked around wildly, considering shouting for help, but the common room was empty. He and Sirius were the only ones left. Remus grit his teeth; wimpy, no good gryffindors…

He turned back towards the irritating boy.

"Sirius, just- just please don't bug me today, alright? My temper's a bit short, I've got a lot on my plate right now…just don't."

Sirius held the charm as Remus tried to struggle. "Why not?" he asked quietly. "I know there's no one else. In fact, you've never been in a relationship before at all. Then what is the problem?"

Remus ground his teeth. "I have too been in a relationship before!"

Sirius waved a hand dismissively. "Two weeks with a buffoon doesn't count."

Remus's eyes flashed. "Ryan was not a-" then his eyes narrowed. "How do you know about that?"

Sirius grinned cheekily. "I have ways."

Remus struggled again, staring despairingly out the window. Dammit! He wasn't even carrying his wand because it was not safe during the transformation to carry it. He might do some dangerous magic, irreparable harm to himself or others.

"Whatever…just…just look, I can't, alright? Not right now, not tonight. Look I have to be somewhere I…it's getting late, I have to go."

Sirius didn't budge, just stared at him steadily.

"Look, I-I'll go out with you after a couple of days alright? Once I-once I come back. We'll give it a shot. But I have to go…please…"

His voice dropped to a pleading whisper.

"You know," Sirius said conversationally. "You're a terrible liar."

Remus's head shot up, eyes wide, face pale. "Wh-what a-are you t-talking about?"

"Trip to visit your aunt? Really? That's the best you could come up with?"

Remus's heart was thudding wildly in his chest.

"T-that's not a lie! I'm-that's really where I'm going!"

Sirius laughed mockingly and Remus was suddenly enraged. He wanted to tear at that smug face, laughing so condescendingly at him.

"Shut up."

Sirius stopped laughing, hearing the hoarse order. Remus's head was lowered and his bangs were covering his eyes.

"You…you think you know everything, but you don't. You don't know about…about being something you never wanted to be...about knowing that you will be that for the rest of your life…"

And Sirius was abruptly hovering over him, brushing thin, wispy bangs out of his face with a slender, pale hand.

"Is it hard? Being who you are…what you are…"

Remus's heart stuttered to a stop for a brief second.

This is it, he thought in a strangely detached manner. He knows…Sirius Black knows…it's over…my secret is out…I'll have to leave Hogwarts….

"I-I don't…what are you-"

But the sentences wouldn't form. The words wouldn't come out of his throat.

And when Sirius released him from the spell, Remus sped off as fast as he could with the echo of that dreaded word echoing in his ears

Werewolf…

He didn't notice the pair of steely eyes staring after him and for a brief second, Sirius's eyes flashed wild and savage - canine.
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Cauldron To Conflagration