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How Noble In Reason	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 11097 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter Four�Hermione
Granger Is Expectedly Smart

�� I don�t
see why you don�t simply make up an excuse for him to take you into the Manor�s
dungeons, or cellars, and then cast spells that would let you identify the location
of that magic.� Hermione spoke as if the whole situation was simple and easily
settled.

�� Harry
glared at her, and then yawned. He hadn�t got much sleep last night. He had
lain awake fighting battle after mental battle about whether it would be unforgivable
if he stopped investigating Malfoy now, and to whom�Malfoy, or the people who
would be hurt if Voldemort managed to return to life. �Because we�re meeting in
public today, not in the Manor,� he said. Another yawn interrupted him as he
spoke and made his words less impressive than he wanted them to be. It didn�t
help to look at Hermione after that and see her smothering a smile. �Besides,
what excuse could I give? �I�ve always been fascinated by dungeons, Malfoy,
could you let me see yours?��

�� Hermione
laughed. �Do you know what gift you�re going to get him today?� she asked,
instead of responding to his serious objection. Harry rolled his eyes.

�� Of
course,� he said dismissively. �The gifts are the easiest part of this. Now, do
you have any actual advice for me?�

�� Hermione
simply stared at him. Harry tolerated that for a few minutes, then leaned
forwards and snapped his fingers in front of her eyes.

�� Harry!�
Hermione jerked her head back, making the chair she sat in rock. She seemed to
prefer the chairs in his office, unlike Ron, who would perch on the corner of
Harry�s desk no matter how ungraceful it made him look. �What was that for?�

�� I�m here
so that you can tell me what to do, rather than entertaining your fetish for
staring off into space,� Harry snapped, and then got up and prowled back and
forth behind his desk. There was a file open on it, waiting for him, but he
knew he wouldn�t do a good job if he did try to settle down and read it. The
Malfoy case was occupying his mind too much. �I have to break off the Courting
soon if I�m not to hurt him, but that will hurt him, too, if in a minor way, I
can�t do that by the rules, and it will deprive me of a chance to investigate.
I have to continue investigating, but that means hurting him more in the future
and potentially not being able to discover anything much by the rules of the
Courtship. Tell me what I should do.�

�� Why do you
want my advice so badly?� Hermione
still looked angry about the fingers-snapping thing.

�� Because
I�ve asked myself what I should do again and again,� Harry said frankly, �and
there�s no way around it. Both sides are too strong. I hope that someone who
stands outside the situation will be able to see something that I can�t, some
option that I�ve overlooked.�

�� Hermione
smoothed a hand down her robes, but she didn�t fool Harry. He could see the
pleasure in her eyes. �I see,� she said. �Well, that�s very adult of you,
Harry.�

�� Harry
snorted, and waited. He had found lately that Hermione really did react better
if she was flattered, but he didn�t want to overdo it in case she suspected.
And ordinarily he wouldn�t have tried to manipulate his best friends at all,
just asked for their help, but this case was making him snappish and tired, and
he didn�t think he could take the lecture or the teasing that had been building
up behind Hermione�s stare.

�� Hermione
folded her hands in her lap and gave him a direct look. �I was just thinking
that the gifts weren�t the easiest part of the Courting for Ron. He agonized over them. He sometimes delayed
our meetings for days or weeks just so he could find the perfect one. And even
then, there was a gift or two that didn�t go over well,� she added, with a
reminiscent smile.

�� Harry
envied that smile. He would like to be on the other side of this Courting,
standing alone or by Malfoy�s side�

�� Right. That thought is impossible, and it�ll
only make me sour if I entertain impossible dreams or fantasies. Harry
shook his head and said, �That�s only because Ron and I are different people.
I�m sure that he probably found spending time with you the easiest part,
whereas it makes me feel like I�m
walking on nails.�

�� I only
have a theory,� Hermione said. �If you can find him gifts that please him so
easily, then perhaps you�re more in tune with his mind than you think. It
shouldn�t be that hard to gain his confidence, and find an excuse to
investigate the magic you can feel in the Manor, if you apply the same amount
of thought to it that you do to the gifts. Think about it. What would he like?
What would he believe?�

�� Harry
stopped pacing. Then he said, �That�s very simple, Hermione, but very smart. I
should have thought of that, but I�m not surprised that I didn�t.�

�� Hermione
smiled at him and stood up to squeeze his arm. �Don�t spend your entire
Saturday in the office, please? Come by and see us tonight. It�ll give you a
break from worrying about Malfoy.�

�� Harry
kissed her on the cheek and watched her leave, but his mind was already busy
churning away at another problem.

�� He had
avoided manipulating Malfoy as far as possible because he wasn�t good at lying.
But perhaps he�d also avoided it because he knew he could be good at it, if he tried, and there were others ways to
make Malfoy do what he wanted that didn�t involve lying.

�� It�s as if I think I�m not really hurting
him as long as all we do is speak to each other and kiss and eat meals
together, he thought, closing his eyes. And
that�s false.

�� He had to
go further, for the sake of all the people who would be hurt if Malfoy really
was trying to raise Voldemort, even without knowing what he was doing.

�� He hated to
go further because that empathy Hermione was talking about made him more
reluctant to hurt Malfoy than he would be if he was stumbling around trying to
find the right gifts and making a mess of the Courtship.

�� This is such an idiotic plan. I should never
have agreed.

�� Harry spent
a moment thinking about curses he could use on Binks that wouldn�t be noticed
until a few years had passed, giving Harry the satisfaction of seeing them
build and the satisfaction of not
being caught. He would never do that, of course, but at least it gave him a
different topic to spend his thoughts on.

*

�� Ah,
Potter. I was beginning to think that you wouldn�t show up.�

�� Harry grunted
in response and didn�t meet Malfoy�s eyes as he held out the next gift, wrapped
in a shimmering layer of silver paper. He was beginning his manipulation, and
that was the best Hermione or Binks could ask of him, he thought. �I thought
about not doing it,� he said. �Being in public isn�t really fun for me.�

�� Malfoy�s
smile was sharp as he accepted the gift. �Do you think that everyone is
delighted to see me, either, with my last name?� he asked. �I would trade my
infamy for yours.�

�� Harry
glanced at him. �I don�t see anyone casting you out of this particular
celebration,� he said. They stood on the steps of the new library that was to
be dedicated in Hogsmeade, the first British wizarding library to be established
outside the control of some particular family or institution like Hogwarts or
the Ministry. People milled everywhere and spoke to each other, or stood in
place, posing stiffly for photographs, or smiled into space as though waiting
for someone to come up and ask them what they were smiling at. It worked, too.
�They all care more about their reputations than yours.�

�� Malfoy said
nothing. Harry turned back to him and saw his eyes narrowed, his hands hovering
over the gift as if suddenly afraid of what he might find inside the package.

�� Good. Harry was trying to act as if he
were indifferent, or at least cooler, to Malfoy so that he would reveal more of
himself. It hadn�t taken him long to come up with the plan once he really
thought about it, like Hermione said. Malfoy had never been able to stand being
ignored, especially not by Harry, and he rejoiced in the power to make Harry
react in ways he hadn�t chosen, as he�d said two days ago. Apparent
indifference would make him lunge past it and try to smash the walls so that he
could make Harry react again.

�� It would
work. It was the perfect plan.

�� It also
made Harry feel like a tool, but he couldn�t have everything.

�� Malfoy
seemed to pause for long moments as if he was considering speaking words that
would end the Courtship. Harry held his breath. Let him. Please. It would be better for him in the long run. It would
hurt him, but it would hurt him less.

�� As if he
had heard the thought, Malfoy shook his head and opened the package.

�� He stared
at it for some time, fingers cradling the frame, and then glanced up at Harry
with another shake of his head. �Where did you find this?� he asked quietly.
�Why did you choose to give it to me?�

�� Harry
leaned over so that he could look at the photograph, doing his best to keep a
calm expression on his face. He was going to stick to the plan if it killed
him, and sometimes he thought it might, if only with anxiety.

�� The
photograph showed Malfoy leaning against a wall near a window, staring at the
window as if he were examining the shutters. The light in the room wasn�t bright,
but enough to reveal a wistful expression around his lips, although he wasn�t
smiling. The pictured Malfoy shivered and hugged himself tighter, and then
bowed his head. Harry could see his lips moving as if he were reciting a prayer
or a strengthening litany to himself.

�� It�s a
picture that was taken by a Daily Prophet
photographer and given to the Auror Department because he thought you must
be up to something,� Harry said, with a little shrug. �Planning an assault on
Gringotts was his favorite theory, for some reason. I bought it from him to
hush him up and then kept it for a few years. I found it and had it framed when
you demanded a gift today.�

�� Malfoy
stared at him. �That doesn�t answer the question about why you gave it to me.�

�� Think of
what the fourth gift is supposed to be,� Harry said, and he actually managed a
drawl that would have stunned Ron, Hermione, and almost anyone else who knew
him. �Something that matched my taste, my sense of what�s beautiful. Well?�

�� Malfoy
passed his tongue across his lips once, hesitated, and then seemed to gather
his courage and spring straight into what he wanted to say. �You chose this
picture,� he said, and tapped his fingers against the frame again. Harry
wondered if it had been the wrong frame to buy. It was a simple silver square,
and he hadn�t thought the curlicue pattern along the top ostentatious. Malfoy
would probably think it wasn�t ostentatious enough,
if anything. �And yet, you came here today and acted as though I was dirt you
would scrape off your boots without a second glance.�

�� Harry
hesitated. He hadn�t counted on a direct confrontation about his attitude.

�� And he still couldn�t lie. But maybe he could
discourage Malfoy by speaking the truth.

�� He
shrugged. �I don�t think I want to be married to you,� he said. �I have to
continue the Courtship as long as you say I do, but that gives you all the
power and me none at all. I�m cursing because I put myself into this position.�

�� Malfoy
reached out and laid a hand on his arm, tracing one finger down the edges of
Harry�s muscles the same way Harry had traced the frame. Harry gritted his
teeth and told himself not to react. It had to be as simple as showing up with
a disdainful expression on his face in the first place, right? Even more simple,
because the disdainful expression required some effort. This was not doing something.

�� I wouldn�t
continue this Courtship if I didn�t think we could be happy together.� Malfoy�s
voice was quietly forceful. �I have no desire to be married to someone who hates
me, either. Why would you think I did?�

�� Harry
relaxed a bit. Malfoy�s voice had taken on a familiar petulant tone. God forbid
that someone think less of him than he wanted them to think, even if that
estimation was based solidly on his own behavior.

�� You
bragged about the power the Courtship gave you,� he retorted. �Excuse me for
thinking you might want to go on exercising that power even if it would put you
at a disadvantage. For you, the
disadvantage might be small enough not to matter, but it�s the other way around
for me.�

�� Malfoy was
silent again. Harry waited for the expected reaction: a stiffening in his
muscles, a stepping away, a cold expression on his face. Who would want to stay near someone who�d just
made a bunch of impolite accusations about them? And wasn�t Malfoy supposed to
be focusing more on the curious glances they were getting, from all the people
who wondered why Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were together?

�� But nothing
Malfoy did made any sense, as he proved by moving closer. �You chose this
picture of me looking vulnerable as your most beautiful thing,� he murmured. �I
could take that as you wanting to see me broken-down. I could fling the picture
from me, pouting, and declare that I never wanted to see you again. The Courting
matches strength to strength. Your preference for my weakness is a bad sign.�

�� Harry held
his breath, and not just because Malfoy was leaning close. Yes. That�s it. Let him keep thinking in exactly that way, and I�ll be
well out of this mess.

�� But I can
also take it a different way,� Malfoy said, and he had a sudden, brilliant
smile that dominated his face like a comet the sky. �I can take it as you
saying that you dislike my walls of dazzling, brittle strength. You see beneath
them in a way that none of my �friends� at my parties do, because you�re
looking at what�s really there, not what will best accommodate you.� He leaned
against Harry�s shoulder now and breathed gently into his ear, which made Harry
fight hard not to shudder. �I told you the other day that I found someone
attractive and honest the most powerful draw I could imagine. Add to that
someone who doesn�t despise me for looking weak, someone who wants to see more
of me as I am. Well. Can you imagine,
Harry, what that particular combination does to me?�

�� It was all
going wrong, because Malfoy and the universe were sheerly backwards from what
they were supposed to be. Harry cleared his throat and made a desperate attempt
to salvage the situation. �I�you know I find you attractive, Malfoy. You know
that I�d like to know more about you.� That was all true, even if �wanting to
know more about you� was mostly in the context of �wanting to know why the fuck
my scar flares around you.�

�� Malfoy
nodded, calmly, his eyes fastened on Harry�s face.

�� I don�t
find your declarations of loving power attractive,� Harry said bluntly. �I
don�t like the notion that you�re the only one who can end the Courtship, and
because of that, I�m doomed to follow along. If I decide that I don�t want to
be married in the end, what do I do? There doesn�t seem to be a choice.�

�� Oh, but
there is,� Malfoy said. �Simply don�t bring me the next gift. Turn your back on
me. That�s easy, isn�t it?�

�� Harry
stared. �But there isn�t a provision in the Courtship for that,� he said at
last. �I read the books that Ron used. I�d know.�

�� It�s a
provision outside the brackets of the Courtship,� Malfoy agreed in a strangely
soft voice, lowering his eyes in what might be an attempt at being demure. �It means that you�ll have to be
rude and ignore the rules. The books were written with the notion of people who
want to follow the rules in mind.�

�� Harry
stared at him some more. Malfoy had a faint, amused smile, and his eyes
lingered on Harry, unmoving. Harry took a deep breath and tried again. �This
doesn�t make any sense. Why would you want me to Court you when I could break
it off at any time?�

�� For all
the other reasons,� Malfoy said without hesitation. �Someone who likes me, who
wants to know what I�m really like, outweighs the potential pain of someone who
breaks the rules. I value the Courting tradition, yes, but it�s not the only
part of me. I am more than what my parents raised me to be.� He paused and
tilted his head. �Would you like to know what I am?�

�� Harry�s
head nodded without consulting the rest of him.

�� I�m
someone who decided that the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff ideal of being in love
might apply to me,� Malfoy said, his hand pressing more heavily on Harry�s arm.
�I wanted that ideal to be true so strongly that I lay awake some nights
staring at the ceiling and wondering what I would do if it wasn�t. I made up
fantasies about the perfect romantic hero who would find me and guarantee me a
good life of endless sex, spoiling and pampering, and reading my mind when it
came to what I wanted and needed.�

�� Harry
cleared his throat with an effort. �Not the perfect romantic heroine?�

�� Malfoy
smiled again, and if it had a hint of the twist that Harry had seen in his
other smiles, it was a charming one. �I may have set my sights on unattainable
people in the past, but that aspect
of what I wanted has never changed.�

�� Harry
shifted his weight and tried not to show that even that intrigued him. He had
assumed, without thinking about it, that Malfoy couldn�t seriously mean to
finish the Courting because that would keep him from marrying a woman and
having children. But if there was no chance of that� �Go on.�

�� You�re a
good listener,� Malfoy said, his voice no more than a whisper of breath. Harry
shrugged self-consciously, but Malfoy either didn�t notice or ignored it. �Then
I changed my mind. I realized that I would be bored if I conferred with someone
whose only subject was me. I receive endless admiration and flattery from
myself, and by that time, I was receiving it from people outside myself. There
are other topics in life. Don�t worry,� he added, after a glance at Harry�s
face. �I assure you that I still adore myself regularly at the altar of my
mirror every morning.�

�� Harry
laughed and then wished he hadn�t. Malfoy�s fingers tightened lightly,
possessively, around his wrist.

�� I wanted
someone who would be like me, whose mind would follow mine in the paths of
thought, who was good at potions and shared much the same background in
Slytherin House.�

�� Harry tugged
at his wrist. �You know that I can�t
give you that,� he snapped.

�� And then
there are times that you aren�t such a good listener,� said Malfoy, with a
shake of his head. �I told you that I did
want that. Not that I want that now. I changed my mind again, because the
only two people I could find who might have matched me were Blaise Zabini and
Theodore Nott, and attempts to date both of them were disasters. I started to
think that a small amount of difference might be a good thing.

�� The people
I meet at my parties aren�t different from me in anything except
preoccupations. All pure-bloods, all brought up in the same code of disdaining
honesty and ethics because they might become weapons that are used against you,
all interested mostly in the shallow concerns of pure-blood life: manners,
scandals, clothing, children. And parties, of course. I want more than that. I
haven�t ever had a sustained conversation about honesty or ethics with anyone,�
Malfoy added, �but I can imagine that it would be interesting.

�� Everywhere
I turned, my fantasies crumbled, because I could find no exact replica of the
person I sought in the world around me. I continued hosting the parties, and
continue now, because I think I might still have a chance of meeting someone
there who would suit me if I reduced my standards enough, and because it at
least means that I go to bed with my mind full of noise and light and color.�

�� You�re
lonely,� Harry whispered. He would never have guessed it from the way Malfoy
had received him that first night and moved among the crowds, but it seemed the
only solution that made sense now. And it matched with the vaguer impressions
he had received from Malfoy�s behavior earlier.

�� Yes, of
course I am,� Malfoy said, meeting his eyes. �Even after I lowered my standards
to the few that actually mattered�honesty, attractiveness, the willingness to
listen and to accept me as I am�I met no one like that. And then you came
hunting. Someone who knows me, who accepts my vulnerability, who must be lonely
himself because so few people would date him honestly.� He leaned in further,
until Harry thought he was probably supporting more of Malfoy�s weight than
Malfoy was doing himself. �My perfect partner.�

�� Harry
wrapped his arms around Malfoy�s waist and shut his eyes. He had no idea what
to say. He only knew that his job had become harder, because Malfoy had taken
the chance to trust him and would be wounded far more deeply now if Harry tried
to back away. He might not even care that the Courtship was a sham, next to the
loss of Harry�s company and what it would mean to him.

�� I wish we could have met outside the form of
this ritual and got to know each other in some other way. I do wish that.

�� But it
probably never would have happened, since Harry had assumed Malfoy must be
shallow because of his parties and Malfoy wouldn�t have shown this much of
himself without some reassurance that Harry would respect him and care.

�� Harry
sniffed Malfoy�s hair once, and kissed his cheek before he realized what he was
doing. Malfoy lifted his head, eyes intense, and kissed him back, but on the
lips.

�� For a
single moment, Harry wondered what the crowd surrounding them would think, and
dreaded the click of cameras. Then he realized that Malfoy must have thought
more about that than he had, simply because he cared more about the publicity,
and if he wanted to take the chance,
how was Harry to refuse?

�� He once
again allowed his instincts to lead the way, kissing Malfoy as if this was his
free, unconstrained choice, pressing hard enough to make Malfoy sway on his
feet, and trying not to feel the honey-like weakness that ran down his limbs.
He didn�t know any other way to do
this. And he vaguely thought that Malfoy deserved this much reward for what he
had shared of himself, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

�� It was only
when the kiss ended and Harry�s mind was his own again that he started
worrying. He had tricked Malfoy into showing so much because of his pretended
indifference. It had been Hermione�s suggestion, sure, but he was the one who
had put that plan into action, not her and not Binks.

�� It was
going to be his fault if Malfoy ended
up falling in love with him, or something even worse.

�� Malfoy took
his arm. �Fuck the opening,� he said, loud enough that heads turned politely
away promptly turned back. �I want to take you home.�

�� Harry
licked lips that felt papery. �Don�t you�I mean, I thought there was supposed
to be a properly set-up meeting and a fifth gift?�

�� I haven�t
played by the rules yet,� said Malfoy, twisting Harry�s collar in one hand.
�And what I want most to do, I can�t in front of anyone. I�ve spent the past
few years being an upstanding little pure-blood citizen, hiding my desires for
the sake of making other people comfortable. Come with me.�

�� Harry took
a deep breath, told himself that entering Malfoy Manor again might give him
more of a chance to examine Voldemort�s magic, and nodded.

�� He just
hoped that he could keep his head, excuses aside, when Malfoy smiled at him
like that, shy and wild and glittering like a second sun released into the
midst of the world.

*

�� Enamoril:
Thank you!

�� That might
be an interesting idea for a fic, yes.

�� Petalsoft:
Harry fears there�s no way out of this that won�t involve Draco getting hurt.

�� polka dot: There
are ways out of it. But that depends on the person doing the Courting being
willing to break the rules.

�� Alison
July: Thank you!

�� purple-er:
Thank you for reviewing.
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How Noble In Reason