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Gone to Madness	By : everwild34 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 14548 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The characters used in this story and any recognizable places or situations belong to JK Rowling. I do not own anything from the Harry Potter universe and am making no profit from this story.

Chapter List
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At A Loss

The following Wednesday, Harry�s growing anxiety reached its peak, the gravity of his wretched situation omnipresent and oppressive throughout the day so that by the end of supper, he was outright panicking. What the hell had he been thinking? Because Ron and Hermione didn�t know that Dumbledore had refused him, they would be expecting him to stay with them in the common room, struggling through the homework load just like any normal day. Incidentally, the common room was the very first place Snape would come looking for him when Harry didn�t turn up for lessons, most probably feeling just a tad bit murderous and/or sadistic. Bloody fantastic this night was going to be.

This, of course, was completely ignoring the fact that if he somehow managed to avoid Snape coming to throttle him during the night, he would end up having to deal with the man in Potions the next day and any angry teachers Snape decided to tell -- including Dumbledore, who would be so terribly disappointed in him once again.

Harry considered his third, final, and by far his worst option: tell Ron and Hermione that he had in fact lied to them about Occlumency, head for the dungeons, and pray that Snape managed to retain his sanity throughout the night. This scenario would entail a good few hours spent alone in the man�s company, far away from anyone who might hear him and be able to come to his aid -- something Harry knew he had to avoid at all costs.

Harry glanced up from the patch of stone floor in front of his feet, surprised to find himself before the portrait of the Fat Lady so soon, his feet having carried him there without any conscious effort, still completely undecided. He hovered uncertainly a short distance away and shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the other.

�Well? Planning on standing there all night are you?� demanded the Fat Lady impatiently.

�Er��

He could run. He could head up to the boys� dormitory, pack away his belongings, and just bypass the whole messy problem altogether� But then where would he go? The Dursleys��? Harry highly doubted that they would be pleased to see him, and then someone would come looking for him there, bring him back. He would probably receive a smack on the wrist, (�Naughty boy, what were you thinking trying to stay away from the psychotic rapi-teacher!) and then everything would fall back into this, only with more people watching him, ready to report him if he tried anything. There was no way to win! No way out!

�Oh, don�t mind me boy. I�ll just sit here, shall I, until you�ve made your so very important decision?� the portrait grumbled, eyes narrowing as she watched him standing there dithering on the spot.

�Sorry,� Harry muttered, gritting his teeth. �Venomous Tentacula.�

The Fat Lady swung on her hinges and Harry stumbled through the portrait hole, wondering frantically not for the first time what it was exactly that he intended to do.

�Hello, Harry.� said Hermione, smiling kindly up at him from her seat by the fire. She seemed to think that Harry�s mentality at the moment was the equivalent of spun glass: delicate, liable to shatter at the slightest provocation. Apparently the idea hadn�t occurred to her that it irked him far more to have his friends tiptoeing around him like he was some mental case.

�Hey.� Harry sat heavily in the plush armchair beside Ron and dropped his book bag at his feet.

�There you are, mate, we lost you after dinner.� Ron looked up from the blank sheet of paper on his lap inquisitively.

�Yeah, erm, I had to stop by the library real quick,� Harry invented, �you know, for that essay��

Ron rolled his eyes and Hermione eyed him carefully. �Right, so have you finished Professor Sprout�s homework yet, �cause I could really --�

�Actually, I was going to go down to the Room of Requirement and try out this new Occlumency technique I found the other day. I have to be alone for it to work.� he added quickly, seeing Hermione open her mouth to offer her and Ron�s assistance. �I�m probably going to be out pretty late, so you guys shouldn�t wait up for me.�

�Are you sure, Harry?� Hermione asked, still skeptical. Harry knew that she could see something wasn�t right, that she was suspicious and rightfully so.

�Well, yeah. I don�t want you guys missing any sleep because of me. I�ll be fine; It�s not like I haven�t gone out by myself before.� Seeing that no further objections were made, Harry continued, �I guess I�ll see you guys tomorrow, then.� Harry stood and slung his book bag over his shoulder, taking a moment to make sure he still had his invisibility cloak on him, the silvery folds still bunched up beneath the textbooks and parchment. Harry waved goodbye half-heartedly and turned to go.

�See you later then, mate.� Ron called after him, turning glazed eyes back to the blank essay before him. Harry stepped back through the portrait hole feeling wretched. He heard the Fat Lady mumbling angrily to herself (�Why am I not surprised?�So inconsiderate!�) before he turned and made his way quickly towards the fifth floor.

He caught himself glancing nervously over his shoulder more than once and jumped violently at the slightest sounds. It was completely ridiculous, he knew, but he couldn�t find it in him to stop himself. He would be safe as soon as he reached his destination.

There weren�t many students out and about by this time, most having settled in the library or their distinctive common rooms to complete their homework and relax, so the corridors were clear and Harry made it to the Room of Requirement without incident.

He took a deep breath to steady himself, then quickly walked back and forth past the blank stretch of wall three times. I need a place to hide, I need a place to hide, where no one can find me, I need a place to hide�

A plain, wooden door materialized from within the stone and Harry immediately seized the handle and slipped inside, closing the door silently behind him. The room he had created was very simple, quite similar to the common room actually, with a comfortable looking sofa, a roaring fire, and a single bookshelf in the corner. Upon closer inspection, Harry found that most of the books were merely for recreation, something to pass the time while he stayed.

Settling into the deep cushions of the couch, Harry dragged out the Occlumency text and started to read. He hadn�t been lying about that after all; he knew that learning this would be crucial to the war effort against Voldemort and he intended to get in some real practice.

The flames crackled merrily in the grate, casting simultaneously their eerie shadows and flickering, warm light across the room. And so, the night begun.

^^^^^^

Harry grunted and stirred lightly in his sleep, the thick book lying open on his chest and rising and falling steadily with each breath he took. The fire was dying, spitting and popping occasionally as the embers glowed a deep red. The room was quiet and peaceful -- the calm before the storm as some would say.

An exceptionally loud pop from the fire finally caused the boy to wake, jerking and blearily opening his eyes in a groggy haze. He felt more relaxed than he had since before the third task -- no one to disturb him, thrust their expectations on him, or insult him -- and for a moment, the isolation was bliss.

Then reality kicked in, obviously feeling sore that Harry had managed to escape it for so long. He would have to run away, leave the castle and the friends that it had brought him. Of course, he�d write to let Ron and Hermione know that he was okay and not captured by Death Eaters or anything, but after tonight he wouldn�t be able to come back. Why did it surprise him that Snape was the one who so thoroughly managed to taint the place for him and all the memories he had here? Because he had never expected that a teacher, a guardian and a protector, would sink so low as to� to�

Harry scolded himself thoroughly as his eyes watered and filled with tears despite his furious blinking. What the hell is wrong with me? He shook himself mentally and gathered his wild emotions, burying them behind a wall of indifference, a wall of strength.

Harry wished that there was a clock somewhere in here; not knowing how long he had been asleep made him uneasy, and now that he had something resembling a plan, he itched to be moving. No sooner had the thought popped in his head than an ancient wall clock appeared above the mantle, reading about five minutes past midnight.

The teachers would still be out patrolling the corridors, but Snape at least should not be looking for him; he was four hours tardy after all, and if the professor hadn�t found him yet�

Determined, Harry picked up his belongings and threw his father�s invisibility cloak over his shoulders, the surrealism of his choice still resonating in his scattered mind as he made his way through the empty hallways, moonlight pouring in through the tall windows.

Harry was about to turn the final corner before Gryffindor Tower when he very nearly collided with the source of his problems. His eyes widened and the breath whooshed out of his lungs in a startled gasp as he threw himself out of the way, wincing as he stumbled into the wall. Snape, of course, noticed the disturbance even if he couldn�t see Harry and his beady, dark eyes darted up and down the corridor in search of the rule-breaker.

Harry held his breath and pressed himself further into the wall, panic forcing his brain into overtime as he scrambled to make himself as far from this man as possible, heedless of his shuffling footsteps. Snape glanced towards the floor at Harry�s feet and a sneer curled his thin lips.

�I know you�re here, Potter!� he barked suddenly, �Come out now and I may decide to be generous with you. Show yourself, Potter!� For a moment, Harry was frozen, paralyzed by fear as he waited for the inevitable confrontation. The professor knew that he was here, and that he had avoided the night�s Occlumency lesson -- reason enough for expulsion or, at the least, a good few nights� worth of detention.

Snape lurched forward without warning and he nearly managed to snatch Harry�s invisible shoulder, but the boy moved quickly, nerves jangling with fear and adrenaline.

Harry darted to the side, turned tail and ran, practically flew down the corridor, his father�s invisibility cloak flapping around his heels, exposing his feet.

�Get BACK here, Potter!� came the angry cry from behind him.

Harry heard Snape coming, but he had youth, size, and agility on his side� not to mention the years of practice he had had with Dudley and his gang before his eleventh birthday. He did not, however, notice the brightly colored hex aimed at his retreating back until it crashed into him, turning his legs to so much jelly beneath him. The invisibility cloak tangled around him as he fell hard on the stone floor, and ended up trapped beneath him so that Harry�s body was more visible than not when Professor Snape approached him. His heart pounded dreadfully in his chest; Harry was sure that Snape could hear it.

�Where were you, boy?� Snape demanded while Harry lay motionless at his feet. �I know that you requested to put an end to the lessons, but I never thought you�d be so stupid as to�� Words apparently failed him for a moment as he put his long fingers to his temples in frustration. �It seems that I have miscalculated.�

The silence was punctuated only by Harry�s labored breathing, but lasted for just a few moments before the professor snapped at him again, obviously enraged. �Well?�

Harry considered keeping quiet and just hoping that Snape would not care enough to pursue the subject, but the look on Snape�s face was frightening, and in the end he mumbled something nearly inaudible in response and attempted to move his legs, not wanting to face Snape from the floor.

�What was that, boy?�

A wave of frustration and helplessness rushed over Harry so suddenly that it took him a moment to register the words that came out of his own traitorous mouth. �None of your fucking business, Snape!� The feeling, along with the temporary insanity that had come with it, left as quickly as it came. Harry was horrified.

Snape�s eyes narrowed cruelly and he lifted his wand over Harry�s prone form, causing the boy to flinch violently. A moment later, he realized that it was just the countercharm to whatever Snape had hit him with and he allowed his tense muscles to relax slightly as he pushed himself to his feet. Before he had a chance to even consider making a run for it, Snape�s long-fingered hand had wrapped around Harry�s wrist and was pulling him none too gently down the corridor, away from Gryffindor Tower and away from safety.

�Insolent brat�� Snape muttered under his breath, giving Harry�s arm a particularly strong yank. Harry knew that they were going to the dungeons, most likely Snape�s office, all disgusting jars, icy air, slimy walls, and dark corners.

�Getting what you deserve��

�No!� Harry gasped. He began to fight Snape in earnest, twisting and writhing in his grasp. Snape stared at him, bewildered for a moment, and then took charge, tightening his hold and quickening his pace as they descended the stone stairs beneath the castle.

The words spilled from Harry�s mouth in a torrent, unrestrained as he lost control. �Let me go, you bastard! Geroff! Damn you, don�t touch me!� All of which Snape appeared to ignore, stoic and emotionless mask back in place.

Snape unceremoniously threw the door to his office open with a bang and dragged Harry forcefully around him and inside the small room. Harry�s eyes flitted about the room, the horrible memories surfacing. Snape shoved him into a hard backed chair and cautiously released him. Both were surprised to find that Harry didn�t move, seemingly resigned to his fate.

�What childish game is this, Potter? Making such a ruckus� probably woke half the castle with your screaming�� Snape snarled, settling down behind the desk.

�I don�t know.� Harry moaned miserably, letting his face fall into his hands. There was no way he was going to cry, not now in front of Snape. �What d�you want?�

�Simply to ask you why you were not here, at eight o�clock like you were supposed to be?� he hissed.

�I forgot, okay?�

�Oh really? Then what, pray tell, were you doing wandering around the castle at night instead of with your little friends in the Tower? What are you hiding?�

�Nothing!�

Snape scoffed and strode around his desk in a flurry of black robes, looming over Harry like a great shadowy beast. �And why should I even consider believing you, Mr. Potter?� he whispered, lips forming the words carefully, delicately.

�I wasn�t doing anything, I swear, just let me go back!�

Snape lifted one sarcastic eyebrow in disbelief and leaned his face in closer to Harry�s.

The boy promptly leapt from the chair and backed away, frantic, into the dungeon wall. Snape, quite bemused now, followed after him, becoming quite curious about the boy�s strange behavior.

�You, Granger, and Weasley are up to something, aren�t you? Another one of your heroic little escapades, hmm?�

�We haven�t done anything and we�re not planning anything!� Harry shouted, �Just leave me alone!� An attempt to flee was thwarted as Snape placed himself strategically between Harry and the door, trapping him.

�Potter --� Snape growled softly.

�NO!� Harry had screamed the word at the top of his lungs, and Snape watched Harry�s hand dart into his robes in search of his wand.

�Stupe-�

�Expelliarmus!� Once again, Harry�s wand soared out of his grip and into Snape�s deftly outstretched hand.

�Explain yourself!� Snape snarled in his most threatening voice. Harry�s legs shook beneath him, feeling as though they were about to collapse beneath him.

He took a deep breath, repeated the lie once in his head: �There�s nothing to explain! I fell asleep in the Room of Requirement and wanted to get back before I was caught, alright?�

Snape glared at him, brows furrowed, with a calculating look in his dark eyes as if Harry were some puzzle he felt he needed to solve. Eventually, �Tomorrow directly after dinner, I will personally escort you to my office for the missed lesson. If you try to run again, I will have to tell the Headmaster. Understood?�

�Yes.� said Harry quietly.

�Yes, sir!�

Harry grimaced. �Yes, sir.�

�You may go now, Mr. Potter.�

The moment Snape removed himself from Harry�s path to the door, Harry did the thing he had wanted to since he had been caught outside the portrait hole: he fled.
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Gone to Madness