Weight of the World | By : KohakuShadow Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 7559 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters, nor am I making any money off of it. It's called FANfiction because I DON'T own it, right? Right. Good that we're clear. |
IIII.
Harry bit the inside of his cheek as he watched Snape dab a bit of
duck sauce from the corner of his mouth with a napkin.
“Good, huh?” he grinned.
Snape put the egg roll down. “Delectable,” he answered.
“I never gave food much thought – whatever was nourishing
and sated hunger was sufficient. However, after four years of prison
food, I think I have developed...”
“Taste buds?” Harry finished for him with an impish grin.
Snape never said anything in less than three full sentences.
Severus inclined his head and answered, “Touche.”
“It's good, though,” Harry said, putting his dumplings
aside and adjusting up onto his hands and knees, pressed his hand
against Snape's incredibly flat stomach. “Because you could
really afford to fatten up a bit,” he teased.
Snape had jumped a bit at the ghostly touch, and when it didn't
leave, their eyes locked. '...the beginning of the end,' he
thought. 'He's caught me, like a rat in a trap.' His pulse
raced as Harry deliberately looked down at his hand, a mere four
inches above his former professor's crotch.
'This is nuts,' Harry
thought. 'He'd kill me. And anyway, weren't you unsure if
you even really fancied him until a few hours ago?'
But Harry knew the latter was a moot point now. It wasn't as if he'd
only just begun to fancy Severus Snape; it was just that he'd finally
let go of years of denial, and he should take his chances while he
had them, shouldn't he?
“Don't,” Snape finally managed to croak.
So, that was it, then? “You sure?” Harry asked.
“No,” Snape answered. “And that is exactly the
reason you mustn't.”
Harry pursed his lips and sat back. He didn't really get Snape's
logic at all. He opened his mouth to say so, but Snape sighed and
slumped back against the wall. “You don't understand what I'm
telling you. I know that. You've never had any concept of subtlety.”
“Well, yeah, you remind me of that all the time,” Harry
said, but he wasn't sure what he'd missed that the subject was coming
up again now.
“I don't know what you are after with this, Harry, but...”
“Right at this second? I thought I'd made it pretty obvious,”
Harry interrupted petulantly.
Severus ignored the smart-ass remark and continued with his original
sentence. “...I am no longer a young man, and have never been
an impulsive man. I prefer not to make my decisions on instinct
alone if I can help it.”
“That's why you never get
laid,” Harry blurted before he could take the words back, and
he really wished he could, especially after the fierce look Snape
gave him for the comment. “Wh-well, what I mean is sort
of...it's like...shite.” He took a deep breath and blurted,
“Don't you think sometimes the impulsive decision is the one
that's the most real? I mean, your impulse was to have dinner with
me, and don't pretend you didn't know when you accepted that it was a
date. And your impulse when I kiss you is to kiss back. Are you
honestly trying to tell me those decisions are wrong just because you
didn't have time to think about them? I have good instincts, you
know? And right now, my instincts are telling me to go for it with
you. This is my only chance Pro—Severus.
Once I walk out that door, if I haven't made an impression of you, I
won't get another chance. I'll go back to my life, and you'll
rebuild yours, and you probably won't think about me much, if at all.
Thing is, I want you to think about me. I want you to be consumed by
thinking about me. It would serve you right, for haunting me these
last four years...and mostly haunting me the seven that came before
that.”
Snape's lips parted, then pressed
closed again. He didn't know how to respond to Harry's tirade. On the
one hand, Harry was insulting his intelligence by saying he thought
entirely too much. 'But perhaps he is right, to some small
degree.' Then again, there was
no arguing with how desperately the young man seemed to want to be
part of his life. He didn't know how he should proceed. Harry's
instincts were that of a randy young man, but what were his
instincts? They were so used to being beaten into submission they
didn't speak up right away, even when Snape was looking for their
input. “I am not prone to rash decisions,” he answered
to buy himself some time.
“And I'm
not a rash decision,” Harry rebuffed. “I'm someone who
fancies you. And either you fancy me back, or you don't. It's a
simple question.”
“To which I do not have a simple answer at this time,”
Severus snipped.
Harry sighed, blatant frustration etched across his features. “Either
you want me, or you don't. You don't have to worry about hurting my
feelings or anything, I'm used to you crushing my boyish hopes and
dreams by now,” he huffed.
'Boyish hopes and dreams?'
“You really are an imbecile,” Snape dead-panned.
“And you're a prat. There, now we've both said something
obvious and mean,” Harry retorted. “But I'm the imbecile
who can't get his mind off of you, and you're the prat who kissed me
back, so where does that leave us?”
“I don't know,” Snape answered honestly, scanning the
mountain of half empty Chinese food containers. He'd made up his mind
when Harry had left to get the food, but having time alone to think
about it had given him just the opportunity to chicken out that he
needed. Now he found himself trapped between his hormones and his
common sense. “I just don't know, Harry.”
Harry's bad mood evaporated at the honesty and he scooted around to
sit against the wall with the older man. “And here I spent
most of my life thinking you were omniscient.”
“Not omniscient. I just made it a point to know when you were
getting yourself into trouble,” Severus answered.
“Always watching out for me,” Harry chuckled. “I
feel guilty for giving you such grief. Well, sometimes, anyway. Most
of the time you were a bastard and therefore deserved it.”
“It was for your own good.”
“I know, I know. You and your incredible poker face.”
“What is it you're really after here, Harry? Just sex?”
“As good a place to start as any, don't you think?” Harry
answered frankly.
“But to start what, exactly?” Severus demanded.
Harry sighed again and pressed his palm on the older man's cheek,
forcing him to meet his eyes. “Something real, whatever that
means. Isn't that good enough? I want you, and I'm pretty sure from
your kisses that you feel the same, so why are you dragging your
heels?”
“Because you're you,
obviously.”
“Who should I be, then?” Harry pursed his lips irritably.
“Anyone else,” Severus answered as if it were obvious.
Harry risked straddling Snape's hips and pinning a hand to either
side of his head. Before the onyx-eyed man could escape or look away,
Harry pressed their lips together again – patient, coaxing.
Snape responded, as had become typical. “Things don't have to
be complicated between us,” Harry said quietly. “They
were back then, I get that, but now, it's just you and me. It could
be really, really simple if you would just let it.”
'Merlin, he's handsome,'
Severus thought. 'A simpleton with no real concept of the
years of history that led up to his being born in the first place,
but handsome, to say the least.'
“You must understand, Harry. For me, things are always
complicated.”
“But they don't need to be, not anymore,” Harry insisted.
“You got a second chance at life, Severus Snape, don't waste it
on the past. Simplify things if they've been too complicated before.
Start with me.”
Simplify things. Start with me. It was finally the perfect wording –
an invitation Severus Snape simply couldn't refuse. He reached up
cautiously to brush some hair away from Harry's brow and watch as it
fell right back into place. He smirked a bit at the untameable mane.
He lifted his head and initiated a soft kiss. Harry melted into it.
Finally. Coaxing Snape into this had been like trying to tame
a dragon. Harry had been sure he was going to get burned – he
still might before the night was out, but he was so happy right now
that he couldn't bring himself to care. He pressed in closer to Snape
and curled his fingers into the man's long hair as he'd been dying to
do all day, deepening the kiss as much as he thought the Slytherin
would let him get away with. He swooned a bit when he felt the
gangly arms wrap around his back. “Mmn...I love your hair
long like this,” he purred against thin lips.
“Tell me this isn't a one-night stand, Harry,” Severus
answered. He didn't even know that he really wanted a relationship,
but he needed the affirmation that that wasn't Harry's intention.
Harry smirked down at him and pressed his lips to the pale throat.
“It can be whatever you want it to be,” he answered.
“What do you
want it to be?” Severus demanded. Honestly, the young man would
say anything to get his way. Still, this was important. He didn't
want them to misunderstand one another. He'd misunderstood several
things in his life and they'd caused him nothing but trouble. This
time, he wanted to be certain of exactly where he stood.
“A beginning,” Harry answered with a sigh. Severus
certainly liked having things spelled out for him. Funny really, for
a man who was always harping on him about his lack of subtlety.
“A beginning,” Severus echoed. He reminded himself that
he was not a coward, in spite of what several people had thought of
him and his life, and so, added, “Then perhaps we should begin
by putting the food away, and then relocate to the bedroom.”
Harry wrinkled his nose. “Always so practical,” he
griped. “But I can live with that.”
“Well, you are going to have to, because I am far too old to
learn new tricks now.”
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