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The Unexpected Side Effect of Draught No. 9	By : lovetoseverus Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 25605 -:- Recommendations : 5 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 4: Shadows Of The Past

As Severus and Harry passed through the front doors of Hogwarts, Harry was met with an unpleasant rush of emotions. This was his first visit back since the end of the war. It was strange, surreal even, to be back in the place he had once so emphatically called home; a place he’d been convinced he’d never want to leave. Yet it was different now. The utter stillness in the air unnerved him, as though the great castle, with its ancient stone walls and finely-crafted archways, was holding its breath. Where once it used to whisper its proud history, now it had fallen silent – whether in reverence or suffering, Harry did not know.

He glanced towards the Great Hall as they passed, his heart thrumming away loudly in his ears as he looked into the expanse beyond the enormous, wooden doors. It was empty, save for the long rows of House tables, but his memory quickly filled in the painful visuals of his recent past: the battleground where Voldemort fell for the final time, the makeshift hospital where anyone with healing abilities worked tirelessly to do what they could, the temporary tomb for the tragic and unnecessary losses. Harry felt a lump rise in his throat and he swallowed hard to suppress it, blinking back the sting in his eyes as he turned his gaze away.

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Severus suspected re-entering Hogwarts might be difficult for Harry – a fact he confirmed when he saw the look on Harry’s face – and promptly changed his course to the dungeons, leading them instead by way of a back route that involved stairs and passages he guessed Harry would not be familiar with.

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Harry was scarcely paying attention, and followed along behind Severus without registering their path at all. His thoughts reeled on dizzily, his mind’s eye already on a tour of its own through the castle. This place held so many memories for him.

Harry wasn’t sure yet if he had made the right decision in agreeing to Severus’ offer of Evochi, but had confirmed at least one thing for himself when Severus was outlining the details for him back at Grimmauld Place: he liked Severus’ company. It was comforting, somehow, and provided him a solace he rarely found elsewhere as of late. In some unspoken manner, they both understood the way of things – and by extension, each other. And, truthfully, Harry didn’t have any better offers on the table – nowhere else to go – as much as he wanted to fancy himself a lone adventurer ready to take on whatever lay beyond the borders of England.

The summer was already beginning to fade and school would be back in session late September. The Board of Governors had decided to push back the start date to allow ample time for all the reconstruction initiatives, and although they still had a couple weeks left before the students returned, the repairs were already complete.

Harry’s attention snapped back to the present as they stopped outside the door to Severus’ private quarters. After a wave of Severus’ wand, the door clicked open and he motioned for Harry to step inside. Harry had never been here before – Severus had always met him in Hogsmeade or at Grimmauld Place. Even when he was a student himself, Harry had only been as far as the Potions classroom. He knew Severus was an intensely private man who rarely allowed visitors, despite his quarters being property of Hogwarts and not his own personal estate. Still, Harry couldn’t help feeling a bit privileged to be afforded this intimate gesture.

As Harry looked around the small room, effectively the antechamber to the bedroom beyond, he was surprised by what he saw: a large wool rug covered most of the stone floor, gathering the sofa, two armchairs and a coffee table into a cozy grouping. An imposing iron fireplace stood sentry to one side, a small fire crackling away in its hearth. Combined with the metal sconces that dotted the walls, the room was bathed in a cozy, warm light. He realized then that just because Severus’ rooms were in the dungeon, it didn’t mean they had to feel like one.

He took a seat in one of the armchairs, closest to the fireplace, and made himself comfortable. Severus had stepped into an adjoining room as they entered and reappeared now wearing considerably less clothing: he had shed his teaching robes in favor of a white, button-down shirt, tucked neatly into a pair of black trousers that skimmed the sides of his lanky frame. Harry didn’t know why but his eyes were suddenly following Severus’ every movement. Severus’ body, pleasingly trim but with some evidence of muscle, particularly in his chest and arms, operated with an appealing fluidity and precision. Come to think of it, Harry realized he had never seen Severus without his teaching robes before…

As Severus sank into the sofa before him, his voice rang into the silence, startling Harry a bit.

“Pokey!”

Harry felt his cheeks color slightly when he realized he had been staring, but was grateful for the distraction – and the fact that Severus had not seemed to notice his gaze. A small house elf Apparated into the room and bowed low, her nose touching the floor.

“Professor Snape, sir, how may Pokey assist you?”

“Tea and biscuits – two cups today.”

The elf’s large, orb-like eyes roved over to where Harry sat and she bowed in his direction, too, before speaking again. “Yes, sir, Pokey will bring Professor Snape and Harry Potter tea and biscuits!” She raised her tiny hand to snap her fingers, and with the faintest pop!, she was gone.

With feigned annoyance, Harry thought how nice it would have been for him, when he was a student, to be able to call a house elf to his dormitory whenever he wanted something from the kitchens – and to do so without the wrath of Hermione and her S.P.E.W. propaganda. Such was the luxury of being a professor, he supposed.

A few moments later, Pokey reappeared, carrying a silver tray with a teapot, two teacups and a plate of biscuits. She set it on the table between them and disappeared after making a cursory bow to the room. Severus sat forward and began pouring himself a cup, raising his eyes to Harry’s as if to confirm he wanted one, too. Harry did, and simply nodded once in return.

As they sat in silence, sipping their tea, Harry’s mind began to wander again. To his surprise, it wasn’t about Hogwarts and his many experiences here – it was about Evochi. He was quickly remembering why he had come here with Severus in the first place and found that his mind was eager to explore it further, instantly crowding itself with questions to ask. He set his tea down and grabbed a couple biscuits, then looked over at Severus.

“Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about Evochi?”

Severus looked up from his tea. “Not at all.”

Harry tried to pick a good starting point. “How many times have you used it?”

If Severus was surprised by the question, he said nothing to that effect. Instead, he sighed thoughtfully as he pursed his lips, casting his eyes upwards as though taking stock.

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“Perhaps six or seven times. In the beginning it was mainly to ensure the potion I had brewed was successful – to see if it worked at all, in fact – but after that I used it normally.”

“What sorts of realities did you create?”

Severus narrowed his eyes slightly, feeling his heart stutter at the question. He remembered very clearly what realities he created – well, in truth, the one reality he created and merely visited multiple times – but had certainly not considered divulging this anyone else, much less Harry.

“Severus?”

“It was a rather private question, Potter.”

Something about the finality in Severus’ voice – and the sudden use of his surname – must have told Harry it had been a mistake to inquire. “I’m sorr—”

Severus held up his hand. “Do not apologize. You were merely curious, I understand.” He took a rather deliberate gulp of tea and swallowed hard. “Perhaps… I will be able to tell you one day.”

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Harry blinked, weighing Severus’ response. Although he was sure this was the last thing Severus had intended, Harry found he couldn’t stop obsessing about what realities Severus would create with Evochi. He knew Severus had had a difficult childhood and endured a lot of strife while he was a student at Hogwarts. Harry’s mind then scanned quickly over all the other things he knew and had recently learned about Severus’ life. Suddenly, it hit him. Although he knew better, he couldn’t stop his brain-to-mouth filter sometimes, and the question tumbled out before he could stop himself.

“Was it about my mum? Lily?”

Severus froze and Harry regretted his behavior almost immediately. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, you just asked me not to—”

“No,” Severus interrupted.

Harry stopped cold. “No…?”

“No, they were not about Lily. My realities.” Severus paused, taking a slow inhale of breath and closing his eyes briefly as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Harry’s heart pounded in his chest while he held his breath, waiting for Severus to continue, hoping he hadn’t just ruined his chance of trying it for himself.

“I have no doubt if Evochi had been available in my youth, Lily would have become a part of those realities, but as it was, I didn’t learn of the potion until much later on, and how to brew it sometime after that. By the time I was creating my own realities, I had…” he paused, furrowing his brow as he cast his eyes downward. “I had a different focus.” Severus sighed, seeming to regret revealing even that much, but Harry scarcely noticed; he was busy processing what Severus had just said.

Harry had to admit this new revelation was only fueling his curiosities about the sorts of realities Severus might create, but found he stopped thinking about it almost at once as thoughts of his mother re-entered his mind. A heaviness settled around his heart as he remembered his last encounter with her in the Forbidden Forest. And with his dad, and Sirius and Remus, too. An urgent question forced its way out.

“So you can… add other people to the realities you create?”

“Yes. You may create whatever reality you want – and populate it, as it were, however you see fit.”

Feeling too transparent for his own liking, Harry looked away, his eyes drifting to an unfocused gaze. He could feel something deeply emotional transpiring and clenched his jaw, hoping it would be enough to stave it off.

“Harry?” Severus ventured, his tone somehow gentler.

Harry slowly moved his eyes to meet Severus’ but didn’t say anything. He could feel small pools of moisture gathering along his lower eyelids but he quickly rubbed his palms across his face and then looked away again. He was starting to understand how someone could drive themselves to madness with a substance like Evochi – creating realities, yet nothing is actually real once the potion wears off. Sure, your mind may think it is, but that’s a poor substitute for the part of you that isn’t satisfied with fleeting experiences. With fleeting people. Harry had already lost his parents once – well, four times, if you included the encounters in the Mirror of Erised, the duel with Voldemort in the graveyard and the Resurrection Stone – and wondered if he would have the heart to handle it again. Having never known them, Harry’s deepest desire had always been to talk to his parents. Just to talk. Or maybe more, if he could.

Perhaps sensing Harry’s inner turmoil, Severus leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees, intertwining his fingers. “Are you wondering what would happen if you create a reality with Evochi and put your parents into it? Or other people who you have lost?”

At Severus’ words, Harry dropped his head slightly, tears now running down his cheeks in earnest. He made no attempt to hide them this time, but they fueled a rising anger in him.

“What is the point of all this?” he asked suddenly. “This potion, these realities… it’s not real!” He had looked up while speaking, waving his hands about wildly to express his disenfranchised sentiments. “Sure, I could create a reality and put my parents in it so I could talk to them and, whatever, but it’s not really them, is it? They wouldn’t really be alive – they’d just be figments of my imagination!”

At this, Severus leaned over to place his hands gingerly on Harry’s flailing arms, trying to get him to sit back in his chair, clearly hoping the touch would have a calming effect. It did.

Severus’ touch temporarily broke Harry’s train of thought, diffusing much of his steam. He leaned back in his chair at Severus’ direction, panting a bit from the exertion of shouting. His face felt flushed and his cheeks were damp with tears. He was trying hard not to be mad at Severus for getting him excited about Evochi, but in his current state of mind, he could no longer see what possible benefit the potion might have.

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Once he saw that Harry was calming down, Severus set out to clarify something. “You are correct, to a point. Nothing – no spell or potion – can bring back those we have lost, as I am sure you are aware.”

Harry nodded solemnly, wiping his palms across his cheeks again.

“Your parents would not be ‘real’ or ‘alive’ in this reality. But they would be in an Evochi-created reality. That is the distinction I believe you are missing.”

Harry blinked for a moment, as though allowing the words to make sense of themselves. “Wait. So… these realities I create, they aren’t just figments of my imagination? I’m not just… making it all up?”

“No. Your imagination is a layer of your conscious mind, not your subconscious. Evochi realities are created by the instincts, urges and desires of your subconscious mind. This potion isn’t a daydream. You do not sit back in a chair and think a scene into existence. That level of awareness is purely superficial and mind-invented. Because the subconscious can perceive things way beyond the reach or control of the conscious mind, what you achieve while under the influence of Evochi is something more akin to a higher consciousness. It is from that place that new, intensely vivid experiences can be created and explored.”

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Harry suddenly felt quite foolish that he hadn’t grasped this concept when Severus first explained the potion to him; once again, he had been jumping to incorrect conclusions.

As his mind chewed on the possibilities again, Severus continued. “The reason you will remember the experience when you wake from the potion is because the last phase of the trance process transfers the experience into your conscious mind. Otherwise, this whole exercise would be pointless – you would never ‘remember’ anything, or at least not in the way you think about your memories now. The experience has to become part of you consciously before it has the potential to alter your existence.”

Harry had never heard Severus speak so esoterically before; it was almost poetic. To him, it had always seemed that Severus was only interested in things that required structure, logic and proven methods. He supposed Evochi had some of those elements, but this was certainly a new aspect to Severus’ personality he had never seen before. He decided that he very much liked it, and in fact made no attempt to hide the smile it affected.

Severus arched his left eyebrow at Harry’s reaction, then twitched the corner of his mouth into something passable as a grin. As he stood from the sofa, he reached into one of his trouser pockets and pulled out a small glass vial, holding it out for Harry to see. Its viscous contents undulated gracefully in the container, the soft light of the room accentuating the liquid’s shimmering, indigo hue. It struck Harry as looking remarkably like candy.

Licking his lips automatically, he asked, “What does it taste like?”

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Severus found himself wondering that, too – although in his case, it wasn’t the potion he was admiring, it was Harry’s dazzled expression and moistened lips. He shook his head imperceptibly to rid himself of the thought.

“Enough questions, Potter. It is time you see for yourself.”

And with that, Severus re-pocketed the vial and motioned for Harry to follow him as he stepped through the adjoining door from the antechamber and into his private lab.
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The Unexpected Side Effect of Draught No. 9