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The Pain Of Loss	By : Kitkatislovely95 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 4673 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter fandom. I make no money from this story.

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I own nothing.

It was finally done.

It had taken two days, but Severus had finally perfected the Find-me potion. He had Harry's school robe sitting next to the cauldron in his lab, ready to be used in the next few minutes. He could only hope that he would get to Harry in time.

The last two days had been hell around Hogwarts. The school had been informed of Harry's absence, no one believing Harry in the note he left. Strangely enough, Blaise Zabini had been the first to volunteer to help find the boy; followed by, more surprisingly so, Draco Malfoy. Severus had been completely baffled at the turn of events and had pulled his students into his office the night before to ask of their inevitable ulterior motive.

Their answer had left his squabbling to keep his composure.

Draco had said, "Sir, the Gryffindors might have been stupid enough not to see what had been going on between the two of you, but most of the Slytherins saw the look you would give Potter when he walked down the hallway or sat in the Great Hall. Don't think we really care if the twit lives, because that isn't even close to the truth, but we know you deserve happiness. And as loath as we are to condone it, he made you happy, even when you didn't realize it. We'll do what we can to get him back, for the sake of your sanity."

Blaise had added, "We don't understand what you see in him, but with the life you've survived, someone to love you as you do them is the most important thing you could receive."

Severus hadn't said it aloud, but even as his mind denied it, his heart had agreed. He did want someone to love him, though he never expected it to happen. He wasn't horribly unattractive, but his personality left something to be desired. He was snarky, cruel, sarcastic, and sometimes he thought his soul was too tainted with pain, shame, and guilt to ever love anyone else.

He still wouldn't admit to being wrong on that matter.

With the potion finally done, he slowly let the robe sink into the cauldron. It began to bubble around the edges, steam coming from the liquid inside. The white color it started as began to shift and change into something darker, something that resembled Harry's beautiful jade green eyes. Suddenly, a bubble floated up and out of the cauldron, hovering a few inches above it. It changed shape, taking on the form of words. Words that looked so innocent, so miniscule; but in reality, the words had the ability to control life or death for a certain green-eyed Gryffindor.

Severus's mouth formed the words just as the bubbled popped, leaving nothing left to hover in the air.

Godric's Hollow. The place his parents had died trying to protect him. The place Harry had gotten his scar, his name; his entire life.

Now, he was going there to die.

Well, Severus thought, not if he had anything to say about it.

~HPSS~HPSS~HPSS~HPSS~HPSS~

Harry stared around the place where everything was irrevocably changed from the happy life he'd had with his parents for a few short months to something that made him shudder in response to thinking of it. One thing he had never told Severus about his time with the Dursley's was the beatings he received before he started at Hogwarts. Every time he dropped something by accident, didn't do a chore the way they wanted it done, or worst of all, when he started doing accidental magic at an incredibly early age; his uncle would take him in the garage and show him just how unhappy Harry's mistakes had made him. It stopped after he went to school, his uncle too afraid of the repercussions of his actions.

Harry was only grateful his uncle thought him too disgusting, an opinion he made sure Harry knew well, to ever touch him in any way sexually. Well, that being only one of the two reasons for his decision. The other reason was simply because he found poofs to be worth nothing more, or no less disgusting, than the gum on the bottom of his shoe.

Now, as he stared around the place that led to his parents’ demise, he could only feel relief. His parents had died here, his life had begun here. Why not end it here as well? This place was now only a means to an end. His job was done; his life could end now that he had nothing to live for.

Harry walked slowly up the stairs to the nursery he had yet to lay eyes on, but somehow knew was up here. His hand ran up the railing as his feet lifted, one step at a time, climbing higher and higher. Someone had restored this house after the spectacle that occurred here nearly 17 years earlier. It looked as good as new, not a speck of dust to be found on anything that resided in the old home.

Finally reaching the landing at the top of the stairs, he turned to the right, down a narrow hallway, following the pull of magic that told him this was where Voldemort had ruined everything.

He pushed open the door to the nursery that used to belong to him, seeing the pictures still hanging on the wall, stopping to inspect one with Remus, Sirius, and his parents all surrounding himself as a baby. His eyes were wide and blinking back at him, his mother's hand was stoking over his cheek, his father was holding onto his little fingers, and Sirius and Remus were playing with his toes. The sight of it made the corners of his mouth kick up into a soft smile. He would be with his family again soon.

His fingers stroked reverently over the picture for a moment before he moved onto the next few. They were all much the same. Harry's little body being the center of attention, whether it is his parents or all four members of his family.

Yes, he thought, the room Voldemort hadn't succeeded in killing him in would make a perfect place to finish what the snake-faced bastard had started years ago.

"You were still the center of attention, even as an infant." The voice that spoke the words had him coming to a dead stop in the middle of the room, his back to the door, his heart hammering in his chest, and tears pricking his eyes. He knew that voice. It was the voice that haunted his nightmares and his dreams, bringing him pleasure while causing him pain, making his heart jump to his throat while it broke. The voice of the man he loved more than life.

Severus Snape had found him.

"What are you doing here?" Harry's voice sounded lifeless to his own ears; he wondered what Severus heard.

"Stopping you from doing something foolish; what else is there to do when it comes to you?" Severus asked, his words mocking Harry. He had called Harry foolish for loving him the last time they were alone. Harry guessed some things never changed.

"Well, you wasted your time. You won't stop me." He replied. He hated that this man still had the ability to bring emotions back to him even after all this time. He hadn't felt anything since he was told that the love he felt wasn’t returned by said man. Severus shouldn't have come here.

"Oh, but Harry, I will stop you. I stopped you from continuing cutting your skin to shreds; I'm confident I can succeed in this task as well." Harry wished Severus wouldn't bring that up. It was bad enough his plan was postponed due to the older man's sudden appearance.

The next second he felt a large hand grip his arm, turning him around to finally face the man that had torn his heart from his chest and shattered what remained of his soul. He forced his gaze to stay on Severus's chest, not looking into his eyes. He knew that if he did, he would drown in the black orbs.

Severus looked down at the top of Harry's head and felt regret, anger, and self-hatred mix together in his chest. He hated admitting what he had done was wrong, but he knew it was. He hadn't meant to fall for the boy- no, the young man- standing in front of him. It had started as a means to an end, but had escalated to so much more. He knew in that moment that he couldn't let Harry keep believing that he wasn't loved, wasn't desired by him.

He knew it would take a while to earn Harry's trust back, the trust that had taken so long for him to get, but he would do what he had to keep this man in his arms.

He let his fingers move under Harry's chin, tilting his head up, forcing the shorter man to meet his eyes. Those green depths glittered in pain, pain he knew he put there; pain he knew would take a long time to erase.

"Harry..." He whispered his name, lowering his head, slanting his lips over Harry's unmoving ones. He kept the kiss gentle, searching, hopeful that he would feel Harry's respond.

When he pulled back a few seconds later, he felt Harry subtly push closer, his hands coming up to press into his chest. He thought maybe Harry was trying to pull him closer.

He was caught entirely by surprise, though, when Harry shoved hard, pushing him back and almost causing him to topple over if he hadn't caught himself.

Severus looked at Harry in shock as he stood there, his chest rising and falling roughly as his breath came harder, anger glittering in his eyes now.

"You think you can just come in here, kiss me, and everything will be all better? You think that it will stop me from doing what I came here to do?" His words were spoken slowly, enunciating each of them as though he were talking to a small child.

Severus narrowed his eyes and said, "That wasn't what I was thinking at all."

"Well, it sure as fuck seemed like it!" Harry shouted at him. "All you did just now was make it worse. Mocking me by kissing me, thinking you will get what you want by doing it."

Severus realized then where he had gone wrong. He had kissed Harry right after telling him he would stop him from killing himself, that he was confident he could stop Harry like he had before. He wanted to slap himself for his stupidity.

Fuck, how the hell was he going to fix this?

Well? What did you guys think? I know I'm leaving you guys on a bad note here, but it gives me an excuse to update quicker knowing I have people depending on me to end the suspense. Let me know if you guys liked it.

love,

Kitkat
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The Pain Of Loss