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Let Love In	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3124 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
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AN: Nice angsty chappy for your hungry little eyes! :D Don't worry, smut will soon follow! Enjoy!

Chapter Four: Secrets

Remus already had far too many secrets. They weighed him down, like a great crushing whale he carried upon his back, they were painful, as painful, if not more, as the scars that scattered his thin frame. Those scars he couldn't even bear to look at for more than five seconds at a time, he hated secrets, and yet, he had them. And now, he had one more secret to hold close to his heart, but he found that actually, maybe, just maybe, this secret wasn't so bad. It was the heated looks across rooms, the brief snatches of minimal privacy that involved hot tongues, sharp nails, bruising fingers and harsh gasps in dimly lit rooms. It was the secret of being able to touch that amazingly silky black hair, to run it through his fingers, admiring the way it caught the light and seemed to suck it in. It was gazing into those brilliant, moon light eyes that he could have sworn had literally torn his soul right out of his body the moment he had first met them. He found himself by the common room fire, gazing into the flames as he recounted their last passionate encounter in the dark classroom, rather than actually working on the essay before him. They had yet to go further than kissing, if that was what one could call what they did, Remus rather thought it was more like trying to tear each other's faces off with their teeth. He ignored Sirius's ongoing whining about going 'all the way', he couldn't bring himself to do it...it would just make everything far too real and he wasn't sure he was ready to go there.

Sirius too, enjoyed multiple secrets, both the good and the bad kind, but he had yet to decide where Remus fit into in those categories so he had placed it in a new one, one especially designed for what they were; grey. Yes, he decided grey was a good way to describe what they were, not quite together, but definitely more than simply friends. When he cornered Remus, after class, during break, at night in the corridors, he found himself hardly able to restrain the fiery passion that seared him. He loved the way Remus would yank on his hair, pulling his mouth to his. He loved the way he could make Remus make those wonderfully erotic groans when he nipped playfully at his throat. He loved the way Remus would sometimes slam him onto an empty desk and kiss him as if he was dying and it was the only way to save him. But most of all he really, really loved the way Remus would look at him and simply...smile. His heart was in near constant danger of beating right of his chest and flop out onto the desk for the world to see, he spent his classes doodling absently on his parchment and thinking of the next time he could get Remus alone. He now had a small, secretive and knowing smile on his lips, whenever he chanced to see Remus leaning over a book, that small frown of concentration on his face that made him want to use his thumb to smooth it away. He smiled when James was going on and on about Lily, he smiled when Peter was trying to pester him about going to Hogsmeade with him to get a new batch of dung bombs. And one day he caught his reflection in a mirror and the smile disappeared. What was he doing? Why was he,the Sirius Orion Black, walking around school with a stupid, shit eating grin on his face? Wasn't he supposed to be the dark and broody one with the angsty past? But, no matter how he tried he couldn't stop himself from smiling.

James had, of course, noticed the odd changes in his friends but he put it down to the horrendous, totally unfair and purely evil amounts of homework they had been given. He too, was acting odd, but he was simply frustrated with everything, from the teachers who set this evil homework to Lily Evans who yet again had given him a horrendous case of pustules all because he had dared declare his undying love to her from on top of the Gryffindor table at breakfast. He griped and moaned to Sirius who had the indecency to laugh manically at him when he saw the spots, he laughed so hard he toppled right off of his chair and fell to the floor, gaining even more attention from wary onlookers, because when a Marauder laughed it never boded well. But his friends seemed to be harbouring secrets, deep and meaningful secrets that James had decided to try and get to the bottom of, even if Sirius blasted his face right off with a curse. He would find out what had them smiling so often!

Peter kept mostly to himself as usual, he was quiet, even as he noticed Sirius staring dreamily off out a window as if he was hoping to see something amazing, or he could see something no one else could. Peter was pretty sure that was probably the case, as Sirius was well known for being...well, crazy as a Doxy on a Ferris wheel. Sirius confused him, he couldn't understand what went on inside his head, he would sometimes start a conversation half way through a sentence as if he had been conversing with himself inside his head and then continued the conversation out loud. James seemed to have the inexplicable, but very admirable, gift of simply picking up on whatever it was Sirius was saying and continue the conversation as if they had been having it all along. These moments were sometimes shared by Remus, whose real talent lay in knowing exactly when Sirius was going explode and try to head the boy off before he destroyed the common room, he could also do serious damage control when Sirius got too out of hand. Peter however, could only watch from the sidelines, he was happy to be able to be part of their group but he spent his time secretly wishing he could be more confident, more like them. He wasn't confident and tall like James, he wasn't elegantly cool like Sirius and he definitely lacked Remus's brains and his maturity. He had always felt like the fourth wheel, not through any fault of his friends, it was him, all him. Peter was the outcast, fated to stand alone and watch as his friends became great and powerful and he sank into the background. He just had to hope that at the end of it all, he would still be able to call them friends.

One evening Sirius sat, gazing into the flames, he was completely hypnotised by the way they flickered and danced and the heat blasting his face was little more than a distant feeling, like the soft tickle of that annoying something on his neck...He jumped, letting out a yell as he batted away whatever was tickling him and gazing around as he realised that he was still in the common room. James was grinning holding a quill in one hand and a letter in the other. He held out the letter. "Letter for Mr. Padfoot, delivered, oddly enough, by a rather regal looking owl who managed to look at me like I was shit." He said as Sirius took the letter gingerly. James watched his friend gaze at the black wax seal with distaste as if he was staring at something horrendous like a scabrous rat. "Not gunna open it?" James said, flopping down beside Sirius who held the envelope like it was going to bite him. His silver eyes were so dark they appeared black, even with the light of the fire.

"Yeah...In a bit." He said, his voice rough with some unidentifiable emotion.

"So...even your owls know a blood-traitor when they see one, huh?" James said casually, leaning back on his hands and gazing up at the ceiling. Sirius didn't reply, stuffing the letter angrily into his pocket where he knew it would burn until he opened it behind the safety of his bed curtains later that night. "This summer you can come round mine again, my mum's already said she'd rather have you for a son than me...she reckons you've got better table manners." He eyed his friend from the corner of his eyes while Sirius seemed to hunch in on himself doing the whole dark-and-brooding-teenager thing he was so adept at. With a sigh James climbed to his feet, before leaving he squeezed Sirius's shoulder, without speaking before making his way back up to the dormitory.

Remus climbed in through the portrait hole, yawning impossibly. After a moment he realised that the common room was not yet deserted, he saw Sirius scrunched up into a ball by the fire. He moved slowly closer, weaving his way through stuffy arm chairs and bits of stuff people had left there that afternoon. Finally he reached Sirius's side and sat down, Sirius had his head on his knees and he was positively glaring into the dying fire as if it had done him some great evil. He deliberately returned his gaze to the fire and they sat there in silence, Remus watched the flames die until only the odd spark appeared every now and again and the room temperature dropped. Then he felt a weight on his shoulder and carefully looked down to see Sirius leaning on him. "Not a word." He hissed softly. And Remus nodded, they continued to sit there, in silence, as the sky outside the windows lightened and they could hear the birds singing and see the bright, late winter sunshine slice through the dark room like a blade. After a while they heard movement and a soft voice from the dormitory stair case, Remus turned his head, realising that due to Sirius's lack of movement he had either died or fallen asleep, slumped inelegantly against Remus who was aching and so tired he was ready to collapse. He saw James watching with concerned eyes and Remus shook his head, smiling slightly, James returned it and, in nothing but his pyjama's sat down on Sirius's other side. It didn't take long before they were joined by Peter, who had woken to go to the toilet only to find his friends gone. Remus gently shifted Sirius's weight so he was lying in his lap before falling backwards with a huge yawn on James's outstretched legs, he closed his eyes and fell into darkness.

It was early when Lily stepped out of the girls dorm, she liked to make sure she got down to breakfast early so that she could sit and read the paper before the noise and crowds became too much. As she paused before the portrait hole, fussing with her bag, her eyes landed on what she took at first to be a large pile of clothes, her eyes widened as she realised it was the self proclaimed Marauders. They were lying in a pile of limbs, arms, legs and heads at odd, uncomfortable looking angles but every single one of them was smiling. She was stunned and, as the sunlight crept across their content childish faces, she realised how close they really were, how much more than the rough, annoying pranksters she had taken them for. She could see Sirius, arm curled protectively around Remus who lay in the centre of the group, head pillowed on James's long legs. Peter was curled up with his own arms tangled with James's who was, by all accounts, looking like a king sleeping on the most comfortable beds in existence. She shook her head, unable to understand it. She had no idea what made Remus, a mature, kind and quiet boy actually like hanging around with James and Sirius who were rough, sometimes downright violent and generally very chaotic. After a while, she shook her head slightly before deciding that breakfast seemed like a terribly good idea, knowing the boys would probably be highly embarrassed about being seen looking so vulnerable and innocent. She smiled quietly to herself as she pushed the portrait hole open and stepped out into the corridor, she felt a new strange admiration for the group as she walked, maybe she had been too harsh in her judgment of them.

Sirius's eyes flickered open slowly, he was so warm, so content he simply could not be arsed to move. His jaw cracked as he yawned and his fingers found the nearest handful of soft, so very, very soft hair. He smiled, taking deep slow breaths as he staved off the moment when they would have to move, when he would be forced to consider the contents of the most terrifying letter he had ever received from his parents. His smile slipped from his face and he snuggled deeper into the warmth, he knew that most people would look strangely on this quiet, sleepy heap of Marauders...but he had stopped caring in second year when they had started this odd ritual of automatic, animal like comfort. It was usually Remus they surrounded in their warmth, but today it was his turn and he wasn't about to complain. It was only in these moments, when he was half awake, that he felt so calm, so comforted that he treasured them probably far more than any of his friends would realise. Yes, it was a childish thing, it was an odd thing, but it was their thing. Lying with his head in someone's lap, his legs tangled intimately with someone else's and his face buried in wonderfully scented hair, he could understand how wolves felt when they all lay in a heap surrounded by loving pack mates. He whined softly, shifting his leg slightly and hearing a soft groan from somewhere down by his feet.

"Mmm...Padfooooot...your hair is in my mouth..." James's voice shattered the wonderful silence and Sirius sighed, his breath tickling the back of Remus's neck and making him begin to stir.

"Then move away." Sirius muttered, still unwilling to open his eyes. He felt James shifting, and a head came to rest on his stomach. James gazed up at him, his eyes still blurry with sleep. He was squinting as his glasses had migrated across the room. "You look weird from this angle." Sirius said, flicking James on the forehead before closing his eyes again with a sigh.

James rubbed the spot Sirius had flicked him and muttered obscenities. Sirius chuckled, a deep sound that made Remus bat him on the head. "Stop vibrating...I was comfy." He mumbled, rolling over so he had his head resting on Sirius's arm. It was as if they had just woken up after a full moon and were lying in the dusty shack, but judging by the scratchy carpet beneath his aching body, and the lack of any vigorous pain he was sure they had fallen asleep in the common room. He smiled to himself, nuzzling absently at Sirius's hair and breathing on his neck.

"Guys? Why're we here?" Peter muttered, he sat up, the first of them to really be bothered to move. He rubbed his eyes with a yawn and James tried to kick him.

"Shut up, prat. Now we're all gunna have to get up..." James huffed.

Sirius groaned. "No...don't wanna...go get a house elf to bring us breakfast up here..."

Remus nudged him in the ribs. "Don't be lazy, Pads." He said softly, still reluctant to leave the comforting warmth of his friends.

"Me? Lazy...never." Sirius grunted in reply, his fingers automatically smoothing through the hair at the back of Remus's head, the werewolf felt that this gesture was so natural to Sirius that no one ever seemed to comment on it. He smiled, hiding it easily in Sirius's neck.

"Gay." James muttered, whacking Sirius on the side of the head and making him wave his arms around uselessly in a poor attempt to return the hit.

"'m not gay..." Sirius replied. "Try telling that to the hundred odd girls who've had my cock...mmmff..."

Remus had grabbed a nearby sock and stuffed it into Sirius's mouth, he was now sat up with his arms crossed looking annoyed. "Enough of your disgusting habits, Mr. Padfoot." He said in a tone all too reminiscent of his own mother. "We really should be getting up...what time is it?"

Peter looked at his watch, pushing hair back from his eyes in a poor attempt to imitate Sirius. "Just gone eight." He said.

James sat up, messing his hair up before climbing to his feet. "Right, well...I want some food...my stomach is in serious rebellion." He said and aimed a kick at Sirius who still lay curled on the floor, eyes on the sock that was now in his hand. "Coming?" he asked the others with a raised eyebrow.

"Moony? Whose sock is this?" Sirius asked, deliberately ignoring James who huffed and went up to the dorm.

"No idea, I found it on the floor." Remus replied with a smirk.

Sirius pulled a disgusted face, throwing the offending item away from him while wiping his tongue. "Yuck! Disgusting! That is truly vile."

Remus laughed and stood, turning to follow James. Sirius followed suite, hating to lose the friendly, happy warmth and, more than ever, dreading the day to come, but still as he watched Remus walk up the stairs he couldn't help but smile.

At breakfast Sirius couldn't eat much, his stomach tensed horribly when he thought about the coming afternoon. He knew his life was about to change for the worse, and he could do fuck all to stop it. Remus noticed how unusually quiet Sirius was being, he watched him warily out the corner of his eye as the day progressed, but, when lunch time rolled around Sirius had refused to go to lunch with them, instead staying behind in the common room.

The rest of the Marauders simply shrugged and now they sat eating in the Great Hall, Remus turned towards the staff table and frowned, several seats were empty including Dumbledore's and McGonagall's. His frown deepened when he felt James tense at his side, an odd choking noise escaping him. Remus looked up and saw James staring with an odd mixture of awe and fear, his eyes glued to the Entrance hall. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" James cursed, throwing down his fork and standing up. "What the hell is..." he didn't finish his sentence as he bounded up from the table, Remus and Peter shared a confused look and followed. They stood just off the door way as they saw two tall adults stood talking to Dumbledore in hushed voices. When Dumbledore stepped away, bowing slightly and allowing the people to stride past him, Remus saw a woman with alabaster skin, she was undoubtedly beautiful with thick, jet black hair and a regal...familiar face. He gasped, nearly choking on the air. He knew that face! He knew those elegantly careless gestures and he knew that long hair. The sound of hesitant feet on the marble staircase made them move their eyes to see Sirius standing there, even with the distance between them Remus could see how tense Sirius was, his jaw was tense, his eyes heavily lidded as he gazed down at his parents.

"Ah, Sirius, how good of you to come...now then, shall we take this to my office?" Dumbledore said politely.

"I wish to speak with my son." The woman said in a voice that was hard and commanding.

"Mother." Sirius reached the bottom of the steps, his eyes, for once, moving away from his parents and landing on the group of people standing at the door. They widened, and Remus could almost smell the fear.

"Sirius, what on earth do you look like?" The woman said, with as much warmth as the lake in winter. Sirius stiffened but allowed his mother to approach him. The movement was so swift, so unexpected that Remus jumped and let out a sharp cry. There was sharp, very loud report that echoed around the Entrance hall that lingered for an insultingly long time. Remus swallowed the lump in his throat as he watched Sirius put a hand to his face where his mothers had been seconds before, his eyes were dark and there was absolutely no emotion there. It was the scariest thing any of them had ever seen. Remus felt James tense at his side, he could feel the tension vibrating through him and before he could grab him and pull him back James had crossed the hall. Sirius intercepted him smoothly, pressing his palm against his chest.

"Leave it." Sirius's hissing whisper echoed through the hall. "Just...leave it alone."

James paused, his eyes on Walburga Black, the woman glared back, they knew each other. They both knew the family trees and Walburga's obvious sneer did nothing to stem the fury raging through James. After a very long, tense moment in which Dumbledore watched carefully, James straightened himself out, looking more adult than any of his friends had ever seen him. "Fine." He said coldly. "I'll go...see you back in the common room." He said and did an abrupt about face turn and strode confidently over to Remus and the others. He had to push Remus in the chest lightly to get his attention before they reluctantly walked away.

Sirius watched his friends leave feeling his face burning with utter humiliation. His fingers went to the scolding mark where his mother had slapped him and he clenched his teeth before turning back to his parents. "Now then boy, I want you to straighten out your robes, tuck in your shirt and for the love of all that is magical, do something with that mop you call hair! I will not have my own son disgracing our family name!"

Sirius forcefully tucked the front of his shirt in, leaving the back un-tucked all the while glaring at his parents as if he could set them on fire. His mother produced a hair tie and grabbed a handful of his hair roughly making him wince as she tied it back. She stepped back ignoring her son's heated glare and nodded. "That will have to do." She sighed before turning to Dumbledore. "I assume that you do have dress codes in this school, Mr. Dumbledore?" She asked imperiously while Sirius yanked on his tie, loosening it behind her back.

"Why of course we do, Mrs. Black, however, it only extends as far as the uniform. How our students choose to wear it is up to them...we have always found that uniform, in relation to study, have absolutely no connection what so ever." He smiled in a way that clearly said that was the end of the subject.

"Very well, shall we retreat to your study? We have much to discuss." She grabbed her sons arm and dragged him after Dumbledore. Before they got far though they heard a shout and Walburga turned.

"Mother! Father!" Regulus was running towards them, grinning broadly. "I didn't expect you so soon! How are you?" His eyes met his brothers as Sirius yanked his arm free of his mother's death grip and began once again, loosening his tie and determinedly un-tucking his shirt.

"Oh, Regulus! You look marvellous dear, but we are so very busy, we will see you before we leave." She bent and planted a kiss on Regulus's cheek who smiled and nodded. Sirius felt an emptiness engulf him and he hung his head, gripping his right arm with his left hand tightly.

Once they were inside Dumbledore's magnificent office he offered them a seat and refreshments. The Black's refused the refreshments as they sat down opposite the desk, Dumbledore seated himself behind it calmly and pressed the ends of his fingers together. "Now then, I received your letter, Mrs. Black and I have to say that I am surprised at the request."

Walburga sighed. "Of course, it may sound like a strange thing to ask, but I am sure that my son has been sorted incorrectly. If we could simply resort him, there will be no more complaints."

Dumbledore looked grave. "I am afraid that it is impossible, the Hat has never been wrong before so I see no reason why it should have made a mistake in Sirius's case. I understand your concerns, but he has been doing exceptionally well and I would, in any case, be reluctant to sort him into another house this late."

"I see your point, but I am firm in my belief that he has somehow tricked the hat into putting him inside Gryffindor...if we could just put him back where he belongs I am sure we would no longer have any problems of pointless rebellion." Orion spoke in his deep, measured voice as his wife nodded.

Sirius looked up suddenly. "But I'm happy in Gryffindor." He said softly.

"What you want, boy, is of no concern to us." Orion hissed, glaring at his son dangerously.

Sirius bit down on his lower lip to prevent the angry retort from escaping, he hung his head. He had been about to tell them all he had chosen Gryffindor, but he really didn't like people knowing this fact. It was yet another secret he harboured even from his friends...especially from his friends. He didn't want to be faced with the horror on James's face or the sympathy in Remus's eyes...he didn't want to feel like he had betrayed them.

So many lies. So many secrets, he felt a sudden constriction in his chest that had little to with his parent's reasonable voices that flitted on in a soft drone as Sirius lost himself in his own head. That was until he heard a sharp voice, calling his name. He blinked rapidly and looked into his mother's eyes.

"Sirius, were you even paying attention?" Walburga snapped furiously.

"Sorry..." Sirius mumbled, his fingers playing with his sleeve until his mother slapped his hand.

"How many times must I tell you? Don't mumble and do not fiddle! It is unsightly!"

Sirius shot her a glare and slumped low in his seat, gaining no little amount of satisfaction from the furious gazes of his parents. Bad posture usually got him a rough smack around the head at home, but they wouldn't dare do that in front of Dumbledore.

"Anyway, I do believe that a transfer would not benefit Sirius at all." Dumbledore was saying and Sirius felt ice enclose around his heart, he sat bolt upright and his eyes widened.

"What?" He exclaimed.

"We wish to transfer him, seeing as a re-sort is impossible. We think that he would benefit greatly from attending Durmstrang, he has relatives who would be willing to take him in." Orion said gruffly.

"No!" Sirius shouted suddenly, almost leaping from his chair as he spun on his parents, who glared at him. He knew he was in serious trouble, he could see that muscle twitching in his father's jaw but he found he didn't care if he was beaten to death. "I won't go! You'll have to tie me up and fucking drag me! I am not leaving Hogwarts! Why do you have try and destroy my life at every possible moment? Do you enjoy it?" He was shouting, and swearing but again, he didn't care.

"Sirius, sit down!" His father growled in a low and dangerous voice that Sirius had come to associate with immediate pain.

"I will not!" he slashed his hand in the air, drawing unconsciously on his tutoring. His voice was cold and hard, his back perfectly straight and he looked even more like his mother than he ever cared to admit. "I am sick of the way you treat me! I am not some doll you can throw around and do whatever you wish! I am your fucking son!"

"Sirius." That low, controlled voice made him turn, his fury abating with the ease of fluff on the wind. Dumbledore smiled at him consolingly and indicated the chair where he sat down without further comment. "Now, as Sirius has made his view perfectly clear on this matter I do not believe there is anything left to discuss. We cannot authorise any transfer without permission from said student."

Walburga's mouth tightened in a line before she stood. "Very well, then we shall leave. Sirius, please come with us." She strode to the door while Orion grabbed Sirius by the arm and hauled him bodily from the room.

Sirius found himself pushed into an empty class room. He fell against a desk, the hard wood battering the backs of his legs as he stumbled and struggled to regain his balance. Before he could so much as open his mouth to speak a fist collided with his face and he was thrown backwards, over the desk and onto the floor. The fall rattled his bones, pain flaring in every available nerve. He groaned and struggled to sit up, but his father's fist came down and dragged him to his feet where he swayed violently. It did not even occur to him to use his wand, it didn't even cross his mind to defend himself as yet again he watched his father hit him in the stomach, forcing him to double over in agony. He clenched his jaw, holding in his cries of pain. He wobbled but managed to stop himself from falling over, when the pain had subsided enough he looked up through his fringe. "You're...not supposed...to do this...here..." he gasped, hardly aware he was speaking. This wasn't supposed to happen, not here...not in very centre of his safe haven, the only place on the godforsaken planet he truly felt safe and happy.

"You do not tell us what we should and should not do! We are your parents! Understand me?" Orion hissed, grabbing a handful of Sirius's hair and yanking his head back.

"You must be punished for disrespecting us!" Walburga said coldly from her place by the door. "This is your fault, young man, and I will not have you shrinking and crying! A Black does not cry! A Black accepts his punishment like a man!"

It was the same thing, over and over. Sirius closed his eyes, hiding from his aching limbs and tried to escape into himself. Hiding away the most delicate parts of his psyche so they wouldn't end up too damaged, although he wasn't entirely sure whether this ever worked or not as he usually came away worse for it. Orion's fist was like a led weight as it smashed into his body, forcing him to fall to the hard, cold stone floor with blood on his lips. He lay on his side gazing unblinking at his fingers which twitched slightly as he heard his parents leave him without another word.
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