Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Void	By : katiecld Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 21190 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 5
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters, they belong to J. K. Rowling and I do not make any money from my stories.

Chapter List
- 1-Empty
- 2-Sear
- 3-Try
- 4-Hold
- 5-Stay
- 6-Start
- 7-Fun
- 8-Dark
- 9-Work
- 10-Ceremony
- 11-Comfort
- 12-Class
- 13-Wrath
- 14-Hate
- 15-Over
- 16-Kiss
- 17-Say
- 18-Mine
- 3
- 4
- 5
I'd somehow managed to resist the temptation to spend last night at a pub, though it wasn't easy, seemed every day I went without it, the worse the hole in my chest seemed to feel. Not long after I got out of bed I found myself curled up in the middle of the hall, clutching my torso, feeling as though I'd literally fall apart without the constriction. It soon passed, and Crooks came to sit on my feet, purring away and letting me know I wasn't alone.
“I'm okay.” I whispered, scratching behind his ear. Letting out a breath I bumped my head lightly against the wall, the ceiling looking as though it needed a dust. I realised it'd been a while since I actually took care of my house, let alone myself, or anything really. Sighing I got up after taking a few more breaths. I patted my torso, making sure it was still intact before heading down the hall and towards the kitchen, vowing I'd do some much needed cleaning a bit later. Perhaps it would serve as a good distraction from needing to seek out the same unorthodox method of self preservation I'd grown to need.
As I entered the kitchen I couldn't help staring at the counter I'd been thrust upon the other night, the mere sight of it making me blush and squirm. I even noticed how I was making a conscious effort to avoid the offending work surface, as if avoiding it might make it seem like the other night didn't happen. The carton of herbal tea on the worktop to the left tickled my fancy and I filled the kettle, placing it on the stove I leaned against the fridge. Crooks entered and sat in his bowl, not next to it, in it. The sight made me laugh.
“You want food I take it?” I asked, as though expecting him to just answer me. In that second I realised how lonely I truly was, when did that happen? And when did I stop craving company? The cat mewled softly. After managing to shoo him out of his food bowl long enough to feed him, the kettle whistled and I poured myself some tea, settling it on the kitchen table next to Snape's scroll that I'd almost forgot about entirely.
I sniffed the contents of the mug, relaxing slightly at the slight lavender aroma. I took a small sip and sighed, the earthy flavours putting all my worries at ease. In that moment I set the mug down to the side and dragged the parchment over to me, nervously unwrapping it. I wondered what might be in there, part of me half expected to self destruct, perhaps even poison me? Or to at the very least erupt into the familiar sounds of a howler. I laughed, maybe I was over doing it, just a little.
After unrolling it, the parchment was longer than I expected, the inside held an array of the same spidery handwriting, along with some tables, lists, numbers. At first inspection it overwhelmed me a bit, but after a moment or two I noticed it was all rather simple. It seemed he'd given me a list of items I'll need to purchase, as well as a graph of my lessons schedule. Apparently I'd have to be working every evening with assignments. He also explained how I'd be staying in the substitute staff office suite until the teachers completed the magical construction of the new chambers in the dungeons for me, along with an adjoined small potions lab for me to complete and practice my assignments in the evening so that I wouldn't have to use his, or the classroom and 'cause me disturbance' as he put it. The idea took me by surprise. I'd be getting my own chambers? With my own lab? My own space? I was more than surprised actually, though to be honest, I hadn't given any thought to where I might be staying.
“Looks like we're moving back to the Castle for a few months, fella.” I chirped a little at the cat, growing excitement in my voice. I really hoped I would manage it, I so wanted to feel normal again, and what better place to start than teaching at the very place I once called home.
I spent about half an hour reading over the parchment and sipping my tea, according to the list I'd need to buy myself some books, potions tools to call my own, some ingredients. He said that all ingredients used during my apprenticeship lessons would be supplied by the school from his stores, but if I wanted to tinker in my free time I'd have to buy my own, and I very much intended to. I'd also be required to wear a uniform, now that I wasn't expecting, I wondered what it would look like? Moreover I hoped it didn't make me look silly.
Stepping up from the table, I carried the parchment up to my room, rolling it up into it's original scroll on the way. I was going to dress and ready then hit Diagon Alley, I had quite a few galleons left over from the little pouch Severus returned to me... Though I tried not to think about it, even if he'd seen me like that, and then treated me. God knows what sort of opinion he has of me now, the idea of him judging me making me feel so small. He assured that he doesn't care about peoples personal lives but surely he thought something of it? I hoped that he would never so much as mention it again, after all, we were going to be colleges now, that had to count for something.
“I wonder how I should address him now? Professor? Or Severus?” I questioned to my reflection in the mirror as I tidied my hair. “Excuse me Severus, I have a question... Hmm, Severus, can you pass me the burdock root?” I practised the words, they seemed foreign on my tongue, like my mouth was trying to form words from a different language. It just sounded wrong.
“But Professor would sound too teacher-student... Wouldn't it?” I turned towards Crooks who'd followed me into the room, licking his lips. I rolled my eyes. Great, now you're asking the cat for advice. I thought. I guessed I would just have to wait, whatever feels right at the time, if he wanted to be called something else it's not like he wouldn't tell me.
I dressed, grabbed my enchanted satchel, ensured that I had the money and scroll inside, then left. Having high hopes for my shopping trip. It was the first one in a long time.
**
The familiar Alley didn't hold the same picture as it used to... A lot of the shops were still dead, though it was slowly rebuilding. Some structures standing tall, not affected by past events. Like Gringotts Bank, the intimidating, crooked structure sat at the end of the street, as imposing as it ever was. Then there was Fred and George's joke shop. Though, now it was only George's, he'd decided to keep running the store after Fred passed. 'He wouldn't want to see it close, specially over him.' I remembered him saying. George was so different now, the happy-go-lucky, and superbly devious man was now quiet and withdrawn, as if someone had cut him in half, and obviously that's how he felt. My chest started to hurt at the memories, I quickly put up a mental barrier, every time my mind ventured there I ended up in agony.
After I broke out of my reverie, I noticed how people were looking... Whispering, all in my direction. When I made eye contact, some would grin and wave, others would look away. My heart felt heavy, and I had the sudden need to run back home and disappear out of sight. Now I remembered why I never went out, why I never socialised. I closed my eyes. Everyone knew who I was.
“Hermione?” came a surprised voice. I snapped my eyes open and swung around. Finding none other than Draco Malfoy, my stomach automatically knotting.
“I can't believe it.” He said, incredulity clear in his tone. My dread soon passed when I noticed he wasn't spitting harsh words at me, it even took me a while to realise he hadn't addressed me as 'Granger' as he so often did. Though my posture still tense, I managed a curt nod.
“Malfoy...” I greeted. His expression changed to sadness, even a little pained. His eyes surveyed me slowly.
“You look rough.” He concluded. I rolled my eyes.
“Gee, thanks.” I sarcastically replied before turning to leave. His hand landed on my shoulder, making me stagger.
“No wait, I didn't mean... Urgh.” He sighed and let go of my arm, I rubbed it absent-mindedly, turning to look at him sidelong. I studied him, he was looking at the floor, I also noticed that he was alone, he looked pale, sick, but I just knew that it was simply the reel of the fight. I think many of us were lost.
“How are you?” I heard him whisper. If someone had told me last week that Draco Malfoy would not only greet me without insult but actually attempt pleasant conversation, I'd have laughed them into next year. But here I was. I took a few moments to weigh my answer, he looked as though he genuinely wanted to know and I didn't know if that unnerved me or not.
I sighed. “I reckon you would know.” He took a moment or two, then nodded knowingly.
“What about you?” I added, stepping slightly closer to him. I figured that we were adults now, maybe I should at least try and acknowledge him as a human being, even with all the grief he caused me and my friends in the past, he was a normal boy; as capable to make mistakes as anyone else.
“I suppose you know that too.” He gave me a tiny smile, he looked older now, like a tired man. I found myself hoping he was in a better place than me, which surprised me. I had to stop that tiny voice in my head that shouted 'Why should you care?!'
“I hear you're going to be working at Hogwarts.” He announced, after several more silent moments. I narrowed my gaze at him.
“My... News travels fast...” I spoke slowly, rubbing my neck, a tense muscle there causing me trouble. How did he know? Who else knew?
As if reading my mind he quickly stammered; “Oh! Don't worry about it. I'll also be working there for the next year.” He paused. “I'll be a Teachers Assistant in Defence Against the Dark Arts classes, they needed a sub and I needed a job.” Draco shrugged. “I only know you're working there because all of the other teachers know. No one else, I promise.” He smiled sheepishly, holding up his palms as if convincing me he wasn't a threat. I was still staggered by the change in him, though it has been probably a year since I last saw him, anyone could change. I just didn't expect it from him.
“Well... I do have to go, get supplies and all. I guess I'll see you at school.” I said, slowly, sounding very familiar, we were going to see eachother at school, like it always used to be, but very different. We'd be teachers. As I nodded a goodbye he beckoned me to pause, moving closer.
“I know this is a lot, specially coming from me. But I really do want t0 make amends. I don't expect anyone to forgive me, all I do ask is that you perhaps, let me try? One step at a time?” Malfoy's face was anxious as he spoke, pleading me with his eyes. His heavy gaze made me uneasy.
I simply nodded at him, not wanting to speak anymore. I didn't really know what to make of it. He smiled a little.
“I'll see you at school, Hermione.” He bowed his head. “I hope we can catch up, sometime.” Draco smiled, a genuine gesture, it stunned me. Before I knew it, he'd walked away. I wondered if perhaps my encounter with former arch enemy Malfoy Jr had been a dream, or a figment of my imagination. But I didn't have time to linger on the subject, if I had run into Draco, who else might be out here? I rushed into the shops I needed.
**
I was only in the area for about an hour, all the people, voices, smells and bustle made it hard for me to breathe. I never anticipated I'd be so overwhelmed the first time I'd venture back out during the day. Slipping out of a shop, I backed against a wall to the side and panted, eyes closed tight and trying to get my bearings. It was stupid, I had only managed to get the books I needed. I had so much more to go but couldn't bare another second. I shoved the new items into my enchanted bag and scurried down an alley, then another, and another, until I ended up in the middle of no where. But, in the middle of no where what exactly what I was searching for. I dropped to my knees as a body jerking sob ran through me, I desperately clutched at my tiny frame, trying to hold it all together.
“Please, just stop!” I screamed, then sobbed. “Haven't I suffered enough?!” My breath hitching every few seconds. I rocked gently to myself, cradling my emotions in my arms.
Moments passed, hours? Minutes? Seconds? I don't know, but they passed. I got up, furiously wiping my eyes with my sleeve, I didn't even try to compose myself as I explored the area, the first place I noticed was a rather deserted bar. I had no interest in denying myself a drink today. I needed it, I craved it. As though not noticing anything else, I headed straight for the door, landed on a stool and ordered the biggest, strongest drink they had. It didn't even have a chance to hit the sides before it went down in one. I ordered another, then another, and another. After that things got blurry, I didn't even know how much time had passed, but apparently I'd passed out at the bar.
“Lady, you have to leave.” Someone was shoving at me, I groaned, wanting them to go away. “We're closing up now.” The person jerked me harder. I swore at him a few times but managed to stumble up. Nearly forgetting my satchel. I fell and landed outside on my front. Groaning, I rolled over. I had no idea where I was, what time it was or how I was going to get home. All I wanted to do was stay here, on the floor, and let the world eat me.
I almost fell asleep again when some homeless drunk man fell over me, he'd trod on my abdomen and I rolled quickly to empty my stomach. My whole body ached and burned, my vision was so far gone I had no idea whether I was looking up or down, at least emotionally I felt blissfully numb.
My wand stabbed my thigh uncomfortably, I fumbled for it and clutched it to my chest while I decided my next move. How was I going to get out of here? I didn't have anyone I could call on... The briefest thought went through my mind that perhaps I should summon Snape, only he'd specifically told me that my behaviour was to change in order to work for him, I didn't want to lose a job I hadn't even started yet, but as the minutes ticked on it seemed like my only choice. I had literally no one else, as angry as he was going to be, he wouldn't leave me here, unable to walk?
I lifted my wand and pressed it to my temple, the spell rather simulated a phone. My heart pounded and before I knew it, I was sobbing as I waited for the spell to reach him.
“Yes?” His voice spat into my head.
“S-Snape?” I hitched, then sobbed.
“Granger?” He hissed. “What possesses you to contact me at such an hour?!” The only thing that answered him was a heavy sob. He sighed. “What is it that you've done now? Broken something? Got stabbed maybe?” He drawled, surprisingly soft for the circumstance.
“I didn't mean to, I was weak, then it got late and it's cold and--” I rambled, but he cut me off, as if I'd never said anything. “Where are you?”
“I don't know.” I cried heavily, feeling so utterly ashamed and disgusted with myself,. “I was in Diagon Alley and I got lost.” After I finished that, the connection ended. I let my wand fall to my chest again before curling myself up into a tight ball. No one was coming for me, and I'd just lost my job. For a moment I just wanted to die. I closed my eyes, wishing more than anything for everything to stop.
**~~**~~**
Okay so, I wasn't actually going to post another one so soon, but I noticed how I'd passed 1000 hits! So this quick update is my way of celebrating and giving my thanks to you all! Yey! -Pops a party popper.-
This chapter is a bit slow, but Snape/Hermione interaction is promised soon! (Though whether it's smut or not I'm yet to know!)
I recieved another review in which I'm about to credit! (I feed on them. ;) )
Eclectic_Pet Thank you for your imput, I'm really sorry to read that you find some of my errors to be annoying. I do read over them! I promise! (More than once, even.) But I suppose with English not being my first language I obviously don't see them. D: I'm no where near an amazing writer (and don't pretend to be), but If I make a habbit of something annoying let me know and I'll try and rectify it! Thank you for your support though, it's much appreciated. :D (Also thank you for being gentle, it was very kind of you.)
Thank you everyone for reading! I hope you find it entertaining! (And I hope you can appreciate this novice writers need to get my story out there!)
~GW
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