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Harry\'s Shadow	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Sirius Views: 41818 -:- Recommendations : 5 -:- Currently Reading : 16
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make not a knut off this strange work of fanfiction.

Chapter List
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Beta'd by the most wonderful, amazing and stupendous Tenchi. Woman, you are the best and love you for all you do for me!

With help from Lynn who works with me when it comes to flow, continuity, laying out this complicated mess to make it work and other issues.

Also, to Tash who spent several long hours working with me to make sure this would come across right.

Chapter 4

The summer after Dudley died things kept changing for Harry, though not as drastically or, in some cases, as horrifically, as they had in the last couple years. It was changing, though.
Aunt Petunia—he was still uncomfortable with her. She was still doing that clinging thing, but she seemed to have shifted somewhat in how she was going about it. Rather than trying to get him everything like she had Dudley or treat him the same way, she was buying or doing things he liked. It was more like she seemed like she was trying to make up to him for every bad thing she had done to him since he came to live here and make him into her son. In fact, he'd heard her refer to him as her son a few times, sounding proud as she did. That bothered him. It was something he talked to Sirius about more than once.
Sirius had sighed and said she probably was. That it might not seem right to him, but she was trying because he was all she had left in the world. Harry just shook his head and admitted honestly, that he didn't like his aunt much, that there wasn't much she could do to make all that had happened up to him. He knew the difference now between what was right and wrong from having Sirius around and didn't want her to try since she wasn't doing it because she really cared. Sirius told him that was fine, but to try. He did add that if Harry did feel he couldn't do that it was fine as well. After all, she'd done plenty rotten to him over the years and that was hard to repair the damage from. Harry was happy that he didn't have to just accept it or feel that way, because he didn't think he could manage it.
That summer things were shifting in other ways. Aunt Petunia was trying to get involved with all he did, prod him to find friends, stuff like that. He was rather irritated by it, but said nothing. What he didn't do was try to make friends or get involved in things like footy. Those weren't things he enjoyed, so he didn't do them. He found he would rather stay in his room, the backyard or somewhere around the house and read or talk to Sirius, maybe play with his toys. While his aunt tried to encourage him, he wasn't budging. Finally, she accepted that and left him alone on the topics, though she got involved in things like activities at school and such. As long as she was leaving him alone, he didn't care. Sirius told him that she was trying to stay busy as a way to deal with the hurt she was feeling. Of all of it, that was something Harry did understand. He did hurt over Dudley and his uncle dying, though he was mostly over it, and found that staying busy help distract him from it when he thought about such things. Plus, if she was busy with other bits, she left him alone and quit trying to push him into stuff. So, as far as he was concerned, she could do that and he'd be happy, even if he didn't like what she was doing now when she never cared about anything with him before.
After that came something he really liked, though he didn't like why it came about; his aunt had brought all kinds of items that were his mother's down from the attic where she had stored them. First was the discussion about what he really was. Sirius had already explained that to him, so it didn't come as a surprise, but he acted like it was. Then came her finding all kinds of things that were his mum's. While he didn't like the reason she was doing this, more of her trying to make up junk to him, he adored what was there. There were pictures of her growing up, some from after she went to school, ones that moved, her school books, letters, pictures of him as a baby, all kinds of bits. Of all the things she had done to try to make him happy or get back in his good graces, this was the one he adored. Oh, it didn't work, of course, but he loved what was contained in those boxes.
For the first time in his life, he got to see what his mum and dad looked like. That was a wonderful feeling, one he adored. Sirius had described them, of course, but it wasn't the same as seeing the pictures. What was in those boxes were a treasure to him, something he kept in his room. He adored all of it. Not only could he put the pictures up, something he did, but read the text and other books about the Wizarding World. That he spent hours doing, with Sirius explaining so much. For the first time, he really connected to what it was like to be a Wizard.
About the time for what would have been Dudley's birthday, his aunt didn't handle it well. She stayed to herself and cried a lot. That Harry didn't need explained to him as he could easily understand she was sad remembering. He did feel sorry for her, he really did, but how she literally clung to him and cried a few times made him highly uncomfortable. He let her, though, and said nothing. After that, he tried to avoid her when she looked overly emotional, hiding in his room or somewhere else until it blew over.
When his birthday rolled around, she seemed like she was focused again, honing in on him. For the first time in his life, he got a proper birthday cake, presents and all the other bits Dudley had received over the years. While he liked it, he didn't as well because he was sure that it was more of the 'trying to make up to him for so much' bit. He did enjoy it, though, but his favorite part, despite being able to go to a play in London, had been when Sirius hugged him and wished him happy birthday. That was the best part, as far as he was concerned. Though, honestly, he adored the gifts, especially the computer. Those he wasn't going to let go to waste and he used them. Sirius had ruffled his hair and grinned when he told him that, saying he didn't blame him a bit.
At the start of school, more happened, something that was neither good nor bad, just—it was a change.
Aunt Petunia was doing better. In fact, she decided that she was going to sell the house and they were moving. She honestly told him she couldn't live in it anymore because of all the memories it contained. That was something he could understand. So, she had gone through the house and packed away both Uncle Vernon and Dudley's things, something that brought on the last of the big crying episodes, and sold them to a shop in town. Then she had cleaned up, straightened up and all kinds of other bits to get it ready. Doing that, she had put the first pictures of him up. There were still a few of Dudley around, of course, but now he was the prominent one. That seemed ever so strange to him. He dealt with it accordingly, though. As they waited for a buyer, she had dragged him all over looking for the perfect place to live. From what she said, they were moving out of Little Whinging and she wanted to go to London. That had him excited, honestly. London was a big place with plenty to do. Now, though, they had to wait to see if the house sold.
School had gone fine for him. Though he kept to himself, plenty tried to befriend him now that Dudley was gone and they wouldn't be a target for doing that. Harry didn't want any part of them. His thought was along the same lines as the bit with Aunt Petunia and he told Sirius that when he asked. Sirius had, as he always seemed to, understood that. That left him the way he always had been, but he really didn't mind it. He had Sirius, so he was never alone. Ever. Besides, no friend out there could ever compete with Sirius.
At the beginning of November, the house sold. Harry learned that they were going to move over winter break. Aunt Petunia had settled on a place in London she desperately wanted, so she could start buying it. She also was transferring to London when it came to her job. She had sat him down then explained to him that the job was far better and would pay more, but that she wouldn't be at home as much. He had told her, being honest as well, that it was fine. After all, he knew how to take care of himself after all those years. Plus, though he didn't say it to her, he had Sirius. Sirius always made sure that he was taken care of. In the end, they agreed he would be fine.
As the rush for moving started, before the break, he learned something that made Sirius very proud of him. Unlike what he thought, he wasn't going to end up going to a public school, but a private one. Because of his grades, his aunt had managed to get him into a very nice one. They also managed to get him a scholarship so she didn't have to pay full tuition. While he flushed at the compliments from both his aunt and Sirius, he was proud of himself for that. He hadn't ever been recognized for what he did before, so it felt good. Alone, after he was told that, he thanked Sirius for all the help he had given him. Without Sirius doing all he had to help him study, explain, go over and all the other bits, he wouldn't have managed. While Sirius appreciated the compliment, and said that, he pointed out that if he wasn't smart, he wouldn't have managed, no matter how much help he was given. That Harry liked hearing more than anything as, until Sirius came into his life, no one thought he was bright and ignored him.
The week before winter break was busy. While his aunt made sure he had plenty of time to do his homework, study and all the other bits he had to focus on, the two of them were busy packing and getting ready. From what Harry understood, most everything was being sold with the house, such as the furniture and appliances, all that. Some bits were being sold in other ways. Aunt Petunia called it getting a fresh start. He was fine with that as they were keeping the special stuff and he got to keep everything in the room, of course, but the furniture. The whole thing was just stressful, nothing more, as there was a lot to do. The upside was he had been taken to see the flat in London and loved it!
It was a two story one in a nice part of town that, though it looked about the same as all the others on the block, was beautiful on the inside. He got to pick which room he wanted for his own and chose one at the end of the hall. Not only did it have its own loo attached, but a beautiful view out the front of it. He adored it. He tended to agree with what his aunt said that this was a whole new start for the both of them. That wasn't a bad thing.
The week after break started, they moved. And Harry loved it. The furniture in the house was all new, the place was ready for them with it all there, so all it meant was they had to unpack. That didn't take much for him, though his aunt spent plenty of time fussing over decorating just the way she wanted. On top of that, it was almost Christmas, so that was added in. Because of so much going on, he had to stay inside for a time after they moved. They were in a new place, in a big town, all kinds of bits that meant he could only go out when his aunt was with him. While he understood that reasoning, it rankled slightly. He had Sirius, after all, so he was always safe. It was something he did abide by and didn't argue about, though.
Christmas was amazing. That's all there was to it. At nine years old, he hadn't gotten presents on it before, other than ones Dudley hated and he had pulled out of the trash. This year, though, he did. A mountain of them. When he came down Christmas morning, you could barely see the tree there were so many of them. And they were all for him. Well, almost all. There were a couple there for his aunt from him. Sirius had helped him pick out something nice before they moved. It was only right, after all. He had felt uncomfortable when she cried over them then hugged him, but that was more because he felt like he had made her cry than the other uncomfortable way she was anymore. Sirius had just smiled at him and patted him on the shoulder, saying it was the good kind, not to worry. That he tried, but it was confusing. He, though, adored the presents. All his life he had wanted to get just a small part of what Dudley had always gotten, and now he seemed to have more than Dudley ever got. That was great and he loved them, something he told his aunt. Though there was some guilt and a bit of that uncomfortable feeling over it, as he knew that it was more her trying to make up for so much.
Christmas night, after his aunt went to sleep, Harry was alone with Sirius. Of course, he wished him a Happy Christmas when they woke up, like he always had since his shadow became Sirius, but he had a present for him. While Sirius couldn't officially have it, as he couldn't do much as he was, Harry had gotten him something. It wasn't much, just a musical card. In it, he had written how much he appreciated all that Sirius had done for him and told him he loved him. While Sirius couldn't hold stuff, doing what he did by magic, other than when it came to him, he had held him tightly while he had held up the card. When he finished reading it, and Harry was slightly embarrassed by what he had written because he felt it was childish, Sirius had held him close and kissed him on the head, telling him it was the most wonderful thing he had ever gotten for Christmas, ever. While he did that, his voice sounded thick, like his aunt's did when she was trying not to cry. Harry didn't look to see if that was the case with Sirius, but he smiled over it. This was the good kind of crying, if that's what happened, so he wasn't going to embarrass Sirius by looking.
The start of the new school year was hectic for Harry. It was so different than his old one that he was unsure about so much. The uniform he had to wear made him wrinkle his nose, but he dealt with it. Quickly, though, he adored his new school. It was like a chance to start all over with no one having the history with Dudley to judge him. While he was the 'new kid' and it took time to adjust, he did alright. No, though he didn't get close to many and make real friends, he did have some he studied with in school or mucked about with while at recess. Sirius seemed inordinately pleased with that. He also didn't have to worry about bullies as the school had a firm policy about that. It wasn't long before he was doing very well, in the top five in his class. The teachers were great, the class sizes small and plenty of other things that his old school didn't have. That was wonderful as far as he was concerned.
Other bits changed as well. His aunt was working long hours now, though making good money, so he had more freedom. Because the neighborhood they were in was a good one, with people that were quite nice and tended to look out for the kids, he was able to go do plenty that he used to in Little Whinging alone. The library was only a couple of blocks away, the same with some nice little stores. As long as he didn't go wandering too far, he was fine. That he never did as Sirius said it wasn't wise either. He got to go to the movies alone, something both he and Sirius liked, the play park and all kinds of other bits, just so he was home before dark. He really liked that.
He did have a few more chores now, things to help because his aunt was so busy. Unlike when Sirius first came, he didn't object to these as they were really helping out Aunt Petunia. Most times they weren't anything hard. His aunt would leave a note asking to please do things like take out something for supper from the freezer, take his clothes upstairs and put them away, unload the dishwasher, run to the store, bits like that. It wasn't the heavy cleaning or whatever. She did that on the weekends herself, the same with things like the laundry. He was fine with that and so was Sirius.
As winter pressed into spring and the end of the school year loomed, there was some talk between him and his aunt about what to do with him over the summer. Unlike Little Whinging, where she not only had the time to look after him and take him places, London was a lot bigger and it wasn't safe to wander all over by himself. As she didn't want to force him to stay inside, they were looking into options for what to do. Harry could understand that, though he was secretly happy that she wouldn't be around as much as she had been to cling on him. He could see her point, though, and was heartily lobbying for the library's summer programs. The same with the local youth club's. Those were safe and he would be looked after just fine, being able to get out of the house. Besides, Sirius would always be around. Now, well, they just had to wait and see. It would be an adventure, a big one, that would be his last year before he went to Hogwarts, so he wanted to enjoy it! Because he was sure that once he went to Hogwarts, everything would change.

Lying in bed with Harry about a week before he got out of school for the summer, Sirius was pleased. While it wasn't perfect, everything was far better than when he first came. Petunia—the woman had issues, all there was to it. He knew that. It was his thought that she needed grief counseling to get over the deaths, something he did feel for her about. There was no way to go about that, though. So, he would press on and protect Harry from what even his godson could see as something of an obsession. He was sure that she was, in her own way, not only trying to make up to Harry for so much, but still trying to turn him into a version of Dudley. That wasn't at all healthy, that's for damned sure.
Rubbing Harry's back as he slept, he was happy with the change of scenery for all of them. Harry was doing great and thriving in a way he hadn't in that awful town. Arabella couldn't keep watch over whatever then report to Albus, something he was sure she was doing, and his godson was getting a far better education. That alone made it all worth it. He just had to keep it up for one more year. That's all. Then he would be at Hogwarts. Once there, Sirius was sure he was going to have other issues and would have to be more vigilant about watching out for him, but he would manage.
Turning over and cuddling onto Harry when he flopped on his stomach, muttering something strange, Sirius entwined his legs through his godson's and kissed him on the shoulder. Letting a hand run up and down his bare back, he was smiling. Harry was so wonderful. He was still a kid, of course, but he was amazing and Sirius loved him in ways he couldn't describe. That would continue. Forever, if he had his way.
Shutting his eyes, he thought over all that he still had to do. Remus was on that list. His old friend was getting a few visits a year from him. Though he wanted to do more, he wouldn't. No, he didn't need the Ministry involved there. He would press on, though, as he wanted him to understand what being a coward meant. Payback was a bitch.
As they were in London now, Harry could tend to some stuff and get it moving the right way. Grimmauld Place wasn't far from here. They could easily slip over there from time to time to make sure it was ready for when the time came they would need it. As everything he had was willed to Harry when he 'died', he could get in. Kreacher was sure to be in residence, so they needed the elf working on the place. That Harry would do for him. It was best he tend to the elf.
Sighing, he shut his eyes and smiled as the energy and magic he needed to function flowed into him. It was far better now and he was stronger, able to do so much. It was getting better with each passing year, too. That he needed as he was sure the worst was coming. He'd be ready for it, though, and Merlin help anyone that tried to mess with Harry or draw him into anything, because they wouldn't know what they were tangling with if they did.

Crossing his legs, Remus leaned back in the comfortable chair in the small parlor in Albus' modest house in Godric's Hollow. Sighing, he asked, after taking a sip of his tea, “I was wondering about getting in contact with Harry.” Before Albus could say anything he pressed on, “I do understand that you say he's fine and in a good place, but I'd like to at least see him or correspond, Albus. It was something James and Lily wanted. He's only a little over a year from turning eleven, so I don't see the harm.”
“He's fine,” Albus soothed, making a placating gesture. “It's nothing to worry about, Remus. I'm sure that James and Lily, both, would understand why we went about it this way. The Blood Wards are something that can protect him better than anything anyone could ever imagine. He's with the last of his family. They care for him, so it's nothing to be concerned about. At some point in the future, after he starts school, you'll have the chance. That I'll ensure.”
Feeling better as Albus was soothing his pricking conscience over it, Remus still wasn't fully convinced. “Maybe you could ask his aunt and uncle if I could at least write? They could explain who I am, of course, but I think it would do both of us good. I won't be a pest about it, of course, or interfere in their upbringing of him, but I would like him to know who I am.” Some of what Sirius said to him during the visits, things that petrified him by this point and made him live in fear of the next one, were bothering him. He wanted to put those to rest.
“I don't think that's wise, Remus,” Albus told him gently. “For now, Harry has a normal life without the burden of knowing who he is. Let him keep that for another year. Once he goes to school, he won't ever get it back and will end up bombarded by so much. He needs his childhood, just like any other normal child. You stepping in will take that away.”
“I don't suppose I thought about that,” Remus sighed, looking down. “It's just—I promised, as I'm sure you know, and they counted on me to look after him.”
“And you did what was best for their child,” Albus assured him. “They would understand that, Remus. If they didn't, they weren't the friends you thought them to be. We all understand why they wanted you to take poor Harry, but this was a better option. You made the right choice. Just keep in mind that if there was a problem with Harry, I would know. I keep close watch on those wards, Remus. If anyone tries to get through them, I'll know in seconds.”
What he didn't add was that he wasn't exactly sure where Petunia and Harry were at this point. He knew the wards were firmly in place, of course, but since she moved after the death of her son and husband, he wasn't sure where she was residing. If there was an issue with the wards, he would be able to find out. Until then he would leave the two to their own devices. From what he understood from Arabella, Petunia was now doing the right thing by her nephew. That needed to continue. Remus stepping in might derail that, something he couldn't allow to happen. Harry needed the last of his family and a good relationship with her. That he would allow to continue, at all costs.
Feeling better, Remus sighed. “I understand, Albus. There are just times—well, I'm sure you know.”
“I do and it's understandable,” Albus told him gently. “Especially as the time grows near for him to finally join our world. You'll have that at some point. That you have my word on.”
Smiling, Remus nodded. Settling back, he began asking about some troubling signs Albus had mentioned. Those he wanted to stay abreast of. Then, once he was done here, he was going to nosy around in a few places to find books on how to keep a revenant away.
By now, he was sure that's what Sirius was. It wasn't something he knew how to get rid of, despite his knowledge in such areas. He had looked up what the Ministry did to tend to such matters, but he didn't qualify, yet anyway. It had to be a constant harassment for them to step in. As he had no way to predict when Sirius would show up, if he would ever again, they couldn't do much, so he was going for keeping him away if at all possible.
Those visits were bad at this point and he couldn’t help but feel horrible when Sirius left. There wasn't much he could do about the situation, though, making what he was feeling even worse. That left him with just doing what he could and hoping Albus was right. Sirius—he would tend to that as he could manage then be safe in the knowledge that he had done all he could. He doubted reasoning with Sirius would do any good, but he was now confident that he did the right thing when it came to Harry and there was nothing he could have done for his old friend. That was the best he could manage.
Even as he thought that, though, Sirius' stinging words and the label coward came to mind. Those weren't easily put to rest, because they hit too close to home. He would manage to get past them, however, and move on. Albus was someone they all trusted, so if Albus thought this was for the best, he would take it as such. James and Lily would have seen it the same way, he was sure of that. The rest? He would do what he could, but realized that wasn't much. If Peter was alive, he had no idea where to start looking for him. That Sirius needed to understand as well. At some point, he was sure he could convince him of that and get him to move on. He just needed time, nothing more. If he could find Peter and get Sirius cleared, that would do it even faster. All he needed was to work with the situation, nothing more. He could easily do that. After all, they were friends for years, so Sirius would end up listening.
Tuning back into what Albus was saying and his brow furrowing as his old Headmaster talked about plans for the following year when it came to Harry going to Hogwarts, those doubts crept in on soft feet again. Pushing them aside, for now anyway, he focused. This was important. Though he wasn't in Harry's life right now, he would do what he could to protect him. To do that, he needed to stay abreast of what was going on. Yes, this he needed to hear and deal accordingly with it.
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Harry\'s Shadow