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Chapter 4
The clock came too soon to the hour for the young girl in dread of her midnight appointment with Slytherin Draco Malfoy. Hermione had been in her dormitory since Malfoy's threats earlier that morning. When Lavender and Parvati came back from dinner, she pretended to be asleep, her bed curtains closed, not answering their calls to her. The other girls eventually went to bed. Hermione crept out through her curtains at midnight. She dressed quickly in a skirt and sweater and tiptoed down the stairs hoping that nobody was left in the common room. Unfortunately Colin Creevey was sitting at a table working on homework.
Hermione walked past him and out the portrait hole quickly, before he could ask her where she was going. Sneaking through the darkened hallways was always disconcerting and particularly now when she was on this dreadful 'errand.' She hoped she didn't run into Filch or Mrs. Norris, or maybe she hoped she did. A little bit. Anything to save her from this fate, she thought. Then she berated herself for her selfishness and asked herself how she'd feel if her parents were killed because she'd been caught being out of bed.
Hermione finally reached the stairs of the Astronomy tower. It was a few moments before she could make herself proceed. Finally she did, and as she walked up the many flights of stairs, she found herself going slower and slower the closer she came to her destination. She didn't want to do this. She really didn't want to do this. She tried to put those thoughts out of her mind but couldn't.
She opened the door to the roof finally. It took everything within her to turn the handle. She stepped through to the roof of the tower. Only a few dim torches provided illumination and the astronomy telescopes dotted the roof like hunched figures. Through the gloom she could see that someone was there - sitting on the ledge of the tower. She knew that it was him. Malfoy. The sudden image of pushing him off the tower ran through her mind. She pictured Malfoy's body plummeting from the castle and she could envision his twisted corpse splayed out on the cruel flagstones below. Would she have the courage? Could she take someone's life? Not in this way, she finally decided, no matter how tempting. Not while her own life wasn't in jeopardy. Her body was not her life. It was just a price to be paid and she would pay it, she thought.
"You're late." In the dark, Hermione couldn't see his sneer, but she could hear it. "I told you not to be tardy, Granger. If I were a prefect I would take some house points for that."
"I'm here. What do you want, Malfoy?" She said impatiently.
He jumped off the wall and walked over to her. The torch by the door illuminated his pale skin and the slight smile he wore. "I think you know what I want, Granger." He reached out and groped her breast. "Remove your clothing."
"Don't do this, Draco. Let me go back to Gryffindor tower. I won't say anything about this. It'll all be forgotten." Hermione tried to reason with him.
There was no reasoning with the Slytherin boy. "Don't fool with me, Granger. You're here, so you've obviously made your decision."
Malfoy grabbed her roughly and pushed her down onto a blanket that he had obviously put down for their rendezvous. Hermione fell hard on her hip, crying out a little in surprise and pain. Then Malfoy was on top of her, pushing her down. His hands went under her sweater and squeezed her breasts hard until she squealed and stopped struggling.
"Don't toy with me, Granger," he growled, his face inches from hers, silhouetted by the torchlight above them. "I didn't come here to rape you. You know the terms. You will give yourself to me. If you don't then you are defaulting on our arrangement. Do you really want to do that? Do you want your parents to die? The Weasleys? Even Potter's lousy Muggle family? You know what I am prepared to do. And yet you persist in playing games."
She had been struggling with him but at these words she went limp. He continued his threats despite this, "Is that what you want? Do you want Professor McGonagall to pull you out of potions tomorrow and tell you that your parents are dead?"
Hermione shook her head, tears beginning to run down her face.
"Then I suggest that you do your best to please me." Hermione didn't fight as Malfoy pulled her jumper roughly off over her head. She was wearing a white, lacy bra. She didn't fight as he reached around her and unhooked it. Her breasts freed, Malfoy groped her, twisting her nipples brutally. She whimpered in pain, trying not to cry out. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was hurting her. She kept her body limp, almost like a rag doll. She didn't fight his invading hands.
He pushed her backward so she was lying on her back on the blanket. His hands pushed her skirt up to her hips. At his command she raised her hips so he could push the bundled skirt to her waist. He tore her panties off. Then he fumbled in her crotch, his fingers probing her. This seemed endless. It hurt a little in his roughness. The stimulation was having some effect on her biologically, Hermione noticed, disgusted with herself. It was normal, she knew, but she felt like her body was betraying her. She felt a great despair at this. Hermione closed her eyes, trying to hold back her tears so Malfoy wouldn't see her crying. Try to pretend it's Ron, she told herself. Keep your eyes closed and pretend it's Ron.
It wasn't working. Ron wouldn't be doing this to her. He wouldn't be pushing her down on an old blanket. He wouldn't be touching her while she was crying. Wouldn't be forcing her to do something she didn't want to do. She gave up her illusions as Malfoy groped her. He was smiling, she could see through the gloom. He grabbed her hand and put it in his crotch, forcing her to rub him through his trousers. Her stomach heaved.
Malfoy unzipped his trousers and pushed them down. He was still wearing his shirt. He lowered himself on top of her, surprisingly heavy for his slight frame. With his knee he pushed her legs apart. She closed her eyes thinking that this was it and hoping that it wouldn't take long. She felt him probing her and with a sharp thrust he was inside of her. She cried out as she felt something tear and give way in a sharp pain. Waves of pain roared through her body as Malfoy panted and grunted on top of her brutally. She looked up at the stars above, trying to close off her mind until it was over.
It didn't take long, a rush of warm fluid exploding in her after a few minutes, although to her shocked mind it seemed like forever. With a moan, Malfoy rolled off her.
His sneering voice was incredulous through the dark and Hermione could only see his silhouette as he sat beside her. "You were a virgin? That doesn't say much for the weasel, does it? Or are you just frigid? From your performance here tonight I wouldn't be surprised."
Hermione got dressed, ignoring Malfoy, fighting back her tears in front of him. Pulling on her jumper and smoothing her skirt down, she found her torn panties and her discarded bra and quickly shoved them in her pocket. She turned to leave. Malfoy, from his position on the floor suddenly grabbed her ankle.
"You'll have to do better next time." he growled.
"What do you mean, next time?" Hermione was surprised. "This was a one time only service Malfoy." She grimaced, using Malfoy's ugly term for these ugly activities.
"I don't think so, Granger. You're family will stay alive only as long as you do what I want. Whatever I want. Don't think of crossing me."
Hermione wrenched her leg from his grasp. She ran down the stairs, her breath ragged as she fought not to scream out her anger and frustration. She found herself running toward Gryffindor tower. Nobody was in the common room when she came in, thankfully. In the girls bathroom, she showered and let herself cry. The warm water kissing her body felt good. She scrubbed her skin frantically with soap, trying to remove all traces of Malfoy. She scrubbed her breasts, which were starting to show bruises from Malfoy's brutal groping. She washed between her legs carefully. She was very sore. The bleeding, she was glad to see, had mostly stopped. For a long time she stood under the shower, her mind refusing to stop replaying those horrible events over and over.
After a while she sat down on the shower floor and cried, the water continuing to drum on her hunched body. Hermione didn't know how long she stayed there. Finally she felt chilled, despite the warm water cascading over her. She got up and toweled herself off. An unbidden thought came to her mind and sickened her. She heaved over the toilet for several minutes. What if she were pregnant? Oh gods, she thought, could this nightmare get any worse?
Hermione crept back through her dark dormitory and got into bed. Her bedside clock read 3:30. Chilled, she hugged the blankets around her, trying to warm up. The horror of her experience with Malfoy wouldn't let her sleep and she lie there for hours, trying to keep her crying quiet so as not to wake her roommates.
She must have finally dozed off because she woke to Lavender calling her. "Hermione! Hermione, you're going to be late."
Hermione pulled aside her bed curtains to see Lavender and Parvati standing by her bed. They were dressed in their school robes and were carrying their book bags. "Aren't you going to get up? You're going to be late for class. And after you missed all day yesterday I should think you'd want to be on time today." Lavender said accusingly.
Parvati peered at Hermione. "Hermione, you missed breakfast. Are you all right? You don't look so good. Your eyes are all puffy. Are you sick?"
"I'm not feeling very well, Parvati. Would you tell Professor McGonagall that I won't be in classes today?"
"All right. Do you want to go to the hospital wing? I could take you."
Hermione turned Parvati down, assuring her that she was fine - just tired. "I'll go see Madam Pomfrey if I don't feel better by tonight." she promised.
Hermione slept gratefully through the morning. At lunchtime, there was a knock at the door. She didn't answer. She didn't want to see anybody. It was probably Ron or Harry, she guessed. The door clicked open. Hermione closed her eyes and lay still pretending to sleep.
She heard Ron's voice from behind her curtains. "Hermione? I'm going to open the curtains, OK?" Sunlight washed over her as the curtains parted. "Hermione, are you OK? Parvati said you were sick. Can I take you to see Madam Pomfrey?" Ron sat down on the bed beside her. "Hermione? I know you aren't asleep. Look at me."
Hermione opened her eyes and looked at Ron. His expression showed concern. "Are you mad at me? What's wrong, Hermione? Talk to me."
"It's nothing, Ron. I just was tired and not feeling well, so I decided to stay in again today. I'm fine. I'll be back at classes tomorrow." She sat up in the bed. "I'm not mad at you. You're probably mad at me, though."
"I couldn't be mad at you, Hermione. Really. Something's going on with you and you're not trusting me. That bothers me. Then yesterday with all that. I know I'm probably being a stupid prat but I want our first time to be special. When we're both really ready."
Hermione said nothing.
"I hope you didn't think I was pressuring you before, Hermione. It was different, wanting you so much and telling you so, but when we actually were so close to doing it yesterday I realized that you were right. It was too soon. We weren't ready. I hope that you aren't upset with me for pressuring you before." He paused before adding hastily, "Or for what happened yesterday."
Hermione almost cried. Ron was so dear. He thought yesterday was his fault. That she had thrown herself at him because of something he had said to her in the past.
"I know it'll be your first time, Hermione. Our first time." His face reddened a bit at this admission. "It should be special. Not just a quickie over lunchtime."
Hermione's heart felt like it was breaking. Ron was just so ... good, she thought. He must really care about her. She had wanted to give Ron the gift of her virginity. She'd hoped that it would be when they were older and when she was ready. Yesterday she had been desperate to have that dream fulfilled before it was too late. Now it would never happen.
"I'm sorry, Ron. Its not your fault at all. You never really pressured me. And I shouldn't have pressured you yesterday. I've just been a bit out of sorts lately. It isn't your fault. Everything that's been going on. It's getting to me, I think. You're a dear to put up with me."
Ron looked relieved. "You just get some rest. I want you to get back to your old self, Hermione. Back to the way things were."
Hermione sighed inwardly. She had a fear that things would never be the way they were. Ron patted her hand and left her alone. Hermione took another long shower and then got dressed. She hadn't eaten since the day before and was hungry. Only her fear of seeing Malfoy again made her hesitate about going down to dinner.
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