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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 39
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- 41
LOST AND DAMNED

Something Told Me to Stay

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Severus had a feeling he knew what Draco wanted when the boy stayed after class. Everyone else filed out almost eagerly, only Draco and Harry and Granger remaining. Draco quickly told them both to go ahead and Granger took Harry's hand (Severus tried not to glare) and led him out of the room. Harry stopped at the door, shooting him a sheepish smile that seemed to melt his long frozen heart. He was trapped…He had been pushing Harry away for so long and while he had done a fine enough job of keeping it up yesterday, he had entirely forgotten how to keep himself in control and had lost all will to do so. He had been fighting for too long and Harry was far too strong a temptation to resist forever.

Once the door closed, Severus raised his eyebrow at his godson. "I have another class soon, you know. Second year Huffelpuffs and Ravenclaws," he said with a heavy sigh.

"Poor thing," Draco said sarcastically. "I won't be long…Or I'll try not to be," he said, stepping closer to Severus's desk and glancing anxiously at the door. "So…I heard you and Potter had a sleepover last night."

"Why am I not surprised?" Severus said with a sigh.

Draco grinned. "So. Are you finally just going to accept it or are you going to continue being a stubborn bastard?"

"I'd like to say the latter, but I'm afraid I really don't know at the moment," Severus admitted grudgingly.

"It's not such a bad thing," Draco said, leaning back against Severus's desk. "He's really happy, you know."

"Yes…I had noticed," Severus told him. Potter had been glowing all day. He was in a better mood than Severus could remember. Harry had surely gone through so much in the past couple of years…In his sixteen years he had been through more than anyone should their whole lives. And it wasn't even the end of it…There was a war coming and the Dark Lord was steadily coming back into power. It was…a beautiful thing, to see him so truly and sincerely happy. And to know that it was because of him…That was something Severus wasn't entirely sure what to do with. It made him feel…so strange and so remarkably good. That was probably part of the problem…Why he was finding it so much harder to resume fighting against his desires for Harry.

Draco nodded, his smile fading a bit. "I did want to make sure that you weren't going to piss him off again, but…There's something more important I wanted to mention," Draco explained. "Theodore Nott apparently overheard Harry, Hermione, and I-"

"Hermione?" Severus cut in, raising his eyebrow. Since when did Draco call Granger by her forename? Then again, he was spending a lot of time with Harry and that must include Granger an awful lot. If only Lucius and Narcissa could see their son now…On first name basis with a Muggle born.

"Shut up," Draco said, his pale face flushing slightly. "Anyway, he overheard us talking about last night. I don't know how, we really were trying to be careful. But he heard and he knows Harry stayed the night with you last night. He might even report it to his father and you know Nott will tell him. Says he's not going to give up trying to seduce Potter, though. I don't think you'd like that too much, either…He mentioned groping a lot…"

Severus glared at Draco who just smirked. His irritation with Theodore Nott only lasted a few seconds, though, before the rest of it hit him. Theodore knew about last night…and the Dark Lord would, too. He would either be mad at Severus for risking his position or expect him to do more because he assumed Severus had found a way around it. His stomach dropped a bit and Severus frowned deeply. He was definitely going to have to speak to Albus about this as soon as classes ended and hopefully to Merlin he could manage it before the next meeting.

"Thank you, Draco," Severus said as the door opened and a group of Huffelpuff girls came trotting in. "You should go now."

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Severus got the summons just after dinner, right before his lessons with Harry. Severus quickly scribbled a note and gave it to Draco to give to him and permission to explain everything that he knew to Harry. With that, he was able to leave the grounds and Apparate to the Avery's house, where tonight's meeting was being held. To his surprise, he was one of the first to arrive. Balthazar Avery was arguing with his wife, Ariella, in one corner while their children, Abaddon and Azrael, sat on the couch, taking amusement in sending their house elf off doing silly tasks. Amycus and Alecto Carrow and then Bellatrix, Rabastan, and Rodolphus Lestrange were all grouped together with glasses of wine, whispering to one another. Bellatrix smirked and glared up at him when he entered.

Only a few minutes the others had all arrived and the Dark Lord, who Severus had not seen upon entering, made his presence known. He was seated on a throne-like chair in a dark corner of the room, hissing a quiet conversation with Nagini. Dramatically, he lit candles all around where he sat and grinned up at them. "Thank you all for coming," he said quietly. "As you can see, we now welcome back our old friends…Lucius Malfoy, Antonin Dolohov, Joseph Crabbe, Graham Goyle, and Augustus Rookwood."

The five frowned in their shame and quiet chuckles broke out from the others. Severus's eyes trailed to his ex lover and old friend, Lucius Malfoy. Draco was not going to be pleased to hear he had escaped and Severus contemplated following Lucius after the meeting to have another discussion with him about staying away from Draco.

"Where shall we begin tonight?" the Dark Lord purred. "Severus?"

Pulling his attention back to the Dark Lord, Severus stepped up to the front of the group and offered a small bow that always pleased his "master." "I have news, my lord," Severus began. His news involving Draco would wait for a later time, when it was only the group of select few the Dark Lord had discussed with about his plans for Draco to kill Albus. "Theodore Nott has made progress following your orders. He and Potter were given detention for being caught snogging in the corridors," Severus explained. "But…last night, apparently, the boy dreamed that I was killed…He was so worried he came to see me in the middle of the night. I decided to play along, my lord…it is my belief that, perhaps, I might be able to work something out regarding the boy. His feelings for me are apparently stronger than I originally imagined and I doubt it would be much trouble for him to sneak around with things. Even if Dumbledore found out, you know how he gets about the concept of love."

The Dark Lord laughed darkly and several of the Death Eaters behind Severus followed suit. Severus allowed himself to smirk in amusement. "Brilliant…Very brilliant, Severus. There are may fools in Gryffindor, claiming such nonsense about the power of love. Tell me, Severus…Does the boy truly love you?"

"He certainly seemed a lovesick fool to me," Severus said, voice laced with disgust.

"Oh, don't sound so upset, Snape," Bellatrix cooed. "I'm sure it's been a while since you've gotten laid. This is your perfect opportunity!"

He could see himself strangling her…Slamming her body into the stone wall and wrapping his hands around her pretty neck, tightening his grip until he felt the bones snap, watching her dark and crazed eyes bug out of her head. Severus swallowed back his disgust and his anger.

"I know you hate the boy, but hate sex is the best, you know," Amycus Carrow suggested with a wicked grin.

Severus only smirked. "Yes, well, before I get there I have to woo the boy first. He's sickeningly romantic, as all Gryffindors seem to be," he said with a roll of his eyes. "I have to be sure he's entirely head over heels before I move further…I need his trust. And I wish to break him…Therefore, I must be sure I have him entirely under my control."

"You must make love to him," the Dark Lord said, an awful gleam in his red eyes. "And before I kill him, I shall allow you to rape him…Perform for us, if you will. You will have every opportunity to crush him before he dies. Revenge on the father for past humiliations and on the mother for abandoning you all through their precious boy."

Sick. He felt sick. If he could he would have ripped that monster's face apart for suggesting such a thing. Severus could almost see it in his head, the contrast between lovingly touching his Harry and brutally pounding into him while he screamed and cried. And it made him hate himself. Never, he thought to himself. Never!

"It would be an honor, my lord," Severus said, putting every ounce of respect and awe and graciousness he could muster into his tone.

The Dark Lord nodded his head and Severus slowly backed away, knowing he was dismissed. The Dark Lord then called upon those who had recently been released from Azkaban, supposedly for public humiliation. Severus did his best to focus on them and not think about the awful pictures that had been painted in his head by the Dark Lord and Bellatrix and Rabastan. He would never hurt Harry, he told himself firmly. He would do anything in his power, surrender anything he could to protect Harry…And he could never allow himself to do anything to hurt him. He would keep him safe, Severus swore. Forever.

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Before the meeting, Severus had discussed the issue of Theodore's knowledge with Albus. The headmaster didn't seem worried at all. Instead, he used the excuse of the newfound developments in his and Harry's relationship as a good excuse to keep others away from Harry and to keep the boy safe. If the Dark Lord suspected that Severus was keeping on the mission of seducing Harry, then there would be no need to involve others that could potentially harm the boy. And it gave Severus a very good excuse to spend more time with Harry. Albus also contemplated creating a new memory of himself encouraging Severus to be with Harry sometime down the road in a similar manner he had done the first day of school. When Severus met up with Albus to debrief upon his return, the old man was all smiles and encouraging him to just enjoy his time with Harry and accept the love and happiness that his life finally saw fit to give him. It only annoyed Severus, really, but he left the office feeling somewhat comforted.

What he did not expect, but really should have, was to walk into his rooms to see Harry sitting on the floor of his living room with a sheet of parchment spread out in front of him, surrounded by various books. Severus only stood in the doorway for a moment, staring in shock at the young boy before sighing and shutting the door. That seemed to get Harry's attention who looked up and grinned. "Hey. Almost done with your essay."

"You can actually do homework without Granger's help?" Severus asked in amusement.

"Sometimes," Harry replied with a grin. "But you seem to be forgetting…I'm a natural at Defense."

"Ah, but you're only good in practice. Actually having to read and write just aren't your style, are they?" Severus pointed out, sinking down into the comforts of his chair.

"No…Not really," Harry agreed. "But I do think I'll get at least an A on it."

"Just an A?"

"Well, I'd like to think an E or even an O, but you're an arse, remember?" Harry replied.

"Touché," Severus said with a smirk.

"So…" Harry said, setting his quill down and shifting around a bit to face Severus more. "Erm…Draco said that…Nott overheard us…talking this morning."

Severus frowned. "We really must discuss different methods of conducting private conversations."

"I'm sorry," Harry said irritably, flushing a bit. "Did it turn out okay?"

Severus slowly nodded. "The Dark Lord is now under the impression that I have…ah…given up on my concerns about the headmaster discovering us and have him of the opinion that I am now attempting to seduce you."

Harry's face broke out into a grin. "Brilliant! This means you can stop being an arse and finally just let me in."

"I'll never stop being an arse," Severus assured him. "And yes…Unfortunately it means I can no longer do what is best for us both."

Harry sighed and rolled his eyes. "I wish you would stop talking like that. The only thing you were doing is putting us both through cruel and unnecessary torture."

"It was not unnecessary," Severus snapped. "I have very good reasons for wanting things to be a certain way. But because of you and your Gryffindor idiocy you've gotten us both too deep in this mess."

Green eyes flashed and Harry stood up. "When you're right, you're right. You'll never stop being an arse," Harry grumbled, walking over to Severus's chair. He placed both of his hands on the back of Severus's chair and leaned in over him, holding his face close to Severus's. Immediately the man sat a bit taller. Harry had easily taken the power and was attempting (and nearly succeeding) in intimidation. His green eyes were very serious, a hint of fear in their depths. "Listen to me," Harry hissed. "I love you. And you love me. I know it," Harry told him. "You can talk morals and rules and what's better for us both all you want, but none of it matters. Neither of us had to do anything because it just happened. I know it sounds silly bringing fate into this, but I really believe this was meant to be. Maybe the situation is really messed up and just destined to cause us all sorts of problems but I think it's worth it. I have been hurting for a long time because of you and your stupid sense of pride and heroism, thinking that denying yourself what you want the most is going to make everything better. But it's not, Snape. It's only made things worse. I need you, okay? Don't you understand that? Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe when you push me away the way you do. I hate you so much for it and it's…it's all I can think about! But I am never happier than I am when I'm with you. That's go to mean something. I know you feel it, too. So no, playing scared isn't making things better at all. Being in denial about the way you feel isn't doing anyone any good…Just accept it. Dumbledore's trying to get us together. Fate even played its hand in making sure Voldemort knew you had to 'seduce' me. Everything in the world is pointing towards us being together, but you're too damned stubborn to give in! So just stop it, alright? Because it's going to drive me crazy if you keep doing this to me. And I will not forgive you if you keep hurting me and yourself that way, especially when it's not for any good reason."

"You really need to learn manners, Potter," Severus said, feeling horribly uncomfortable and guilty. "And to brush your teeth after every meal."

Harry's face turned slightly pink and he cleared his throat, pulling back slightly. "Just give it a rest, will you?"

"Insulting your breath?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Stop trying to be Mr. Moral or whatever it is you can call what you've been doing."

"I am deeply sorry, Potter, that I do not wish to be a pedophile," Severus grumbled darkly.

"You're not a pedophile," Harry said. "It's not like you ogle all boys my age…Do you?"

Severus glowered at him and Harry just laughed. "Sorry, sorry," he said. "You've just been pissing me the hell off with all of this shite and I'd really appreciate it if you would stop."

"Potter," Severus sighed.

"Harry," the boy corrected him.

"Harry," Severus amended, feeling a bit more at ease with Harry's pleased smile. "I do not wish you any harm, but…I still do not think that a…relationship…between us would be wise."

"That's the problem. You think too much," Harry said with a teasing smile.

"And you don't think nearly enough," Severus grumbled.

"See? We're perfect for each other. We even each other out and everything," Harry said with a grin.

Severus smirked and rolled his eyes. "Insufferable brat."

"And you're a stubborn bastard," Harry said with a shrug. "Even better." He just smiled a minute before slowly fading and Harry cleared his throat and shifted nervously where he stood in front of Severus. "Snape-"

"Severus," he said quietly.

Green eyes grew wide in surprise. Harry swallowed and hesitantly said, "S…Severus."

Severus smirked. He sounded so uncomfortable saying it, like it was wrong or something. "Come now, Potter. If you're going to be so in love with me you might as well call me by my forename."

"Right," Harry said, smiling goofily. "Well, Severus…" he said, taking a deep breath. "I love you."

He could put an end to this now. He could tell him he didn't love him. He needed to…

It was hopeless.

"I love you, too, Harry," Severus said quietly, resigning himself to the fact that there was no fighting this anymore. The thought was both relieving and terrifying.

Harry grinned and leaned forward to kiss him. Severus reached out and pressed his index finger against those soft, tempting lips. "Finish your homework first."

"You have got to be kidding me," Harry mumbled against his finger.

"This is what you get for falling in love with a teacher, Potter. You wanted this, now you must suffer the consequences," Severus informed him.

Harry groaned and dropped his forehead against Severus's finger instead. "Do I at least get a kiss for good luck?"

Sighing in false exasperation, Severus reached out to grab the boy's face. He could kiss his nose or his cheek or his chin and send him off, telling him he had given him what he wanted and to stop his whinging. Instead (and more for his own sake than Harry's) he tenderly kissed those soft lips, feeling a sudden jolt of happiness hit him right in the heart. He almost smiled against the kiss as Harry did, but thought it too sickeningly romantic. He just allowed, for a few seconds, a bit of enjoyment of what was now his…But he could still feel something stopping him from relaxing and enjoying it too much. Something within him was still guarded, still fighting against this. And it made him feel safe and stronger.

"I expect an O worthy essay on my desk tomorrow morning, Potter," Severus reminded him when he pulled away, sending the grinning boy back to his work.

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Lost and Damned