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Amore et Amicitia	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Sirius/James Views: 6685 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
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AN: And another chapter. :) Sirius is having a bit of a rough time with it all but he'll get better soon I hope. Please enjoy and thank you for the yummy reviews, they taste like marshmallow. :D (The wolf scene in this is difficult as I am unsure how a werewolf would react to drugs, this is what I reckon would happen so forgive the artistic license.)

Chapter Forty: Cursor sursum illo colle (Running up that Hill)

Christmas rolled around bringing with it a heavy snow and freezing winds that bit at the hands and created drifts against the walls of Hagrid’s cabin. Sirius had discovered something fun, in his numerous experimentations with anything that made him feel something, he encountered a Halfblood boy by the name of William Trenton. William’s father was a muggle and his mother hadn’t told him about the existence of magic, his father was a drug dealer and his son sometimes stole his supplies when he could. Sirius spent a lot of time over the weekends shut away with Will and taking copious amounts of these muggle drugs. He particularly enjoyed the white pills and the little tabs of what Will had called ‘LSD’ a strong hallucinogenic that made Sirius think he could taste colour.

They would lie on the bed and look up at ceiling, Sirius’ trips were mostly fairly straight forward but sometimes his mother would claw her way out from beneath the bed. The walls would bend inwards, they leaked blood and he would cower in a corner and scream. His mother’s voice told him to die, over and over and over again he was told he should kill himself because no one loved him. He wasn’t worth the love of his friends. He didn’t deserve them, he was hated. James hated him...

James never loved him...

It was lies because how could someone love him? He was worse than useless...

Sirius groaned, covering his head with his arms as his mother screamed. Slowly he lowered his arms and gazed up at her, she had never really been that tall before but now she towered over him, her shadow covering him like a smothering blanket and he slowly reached into his pocket and withdrew his silver knife. The one he kept on him in case he was disarmed and needed to defend himself. The one he had got from his cousin, Bella. He watched his mother’s apparition and pressed the knife to his wrist, blood trickled down his arm but he felt no pain. He simply stared ahead of himself until someone held him. Hands grabbed the knife and threw it away, he went limp in the unknown persons arms and wept like a child.

Will began to ensure Sirius didn’t try to kill himself again, he stayed close and kept his mind away from bad things while they were high. And after that Sirius began to stop seeing his mother, there were only the wonderful colours. Sex on drugs became a whole new experience, every touch, every sound, every sensation was heightened until it was almost painful. His orgasms seemed to last forever, his body shuddering violently as pleasure washed through him over and over again. Will was a skilled lover, his lips like fire and his hands like the softest feathers.

James tried to get to the bottom of why Sirius was spending an increasing amount of time with Will but Sirius just smiled, kissed him gently and walked away when he was asked. Remus told him they had to let him do whatever he wanted or they would drive him away, but James was worried. Sirius now had dark circles around his eyes, his hands would shake slightly and he would stare into space more often. His grades began dropping dramatically and the teachers began keeping him in for detentions, Sirius realised that he didn’t care. The drugs let him escape, Will let him escape. He needed them as much as he needed food and drink, he didn’t think he could survive without them anymore. It was so easy to float away on the bright, moving shapes and colours and forget...

That Christmas Sirius told James that he wasn’t going to go home with him, he wanted to stay with Will for the holiday. James simply stared at him. “What?” He asked as students began pushing past them, they stood in the corridor outside the Charms class room they had just come from. Sirius adjusted his bag on his shoulder and smiled.

“Jamie, its fine. Will reckons he knows some really fun places to hang out and I...I dunno, I suppose I just want to do something different for a change.” He shrugged and ran fingers through his hair.

“But...but you know the Death Eater attacks have increased! They’ve moved into the open now, everyone’s scared...”

“I’m seventeen now, mate, I can use magic outside school...and even if I wasn’t I’d still be able to defend myself.” He smiled brightly and kissed James lightly on the temple, people muttered as they walked past.

“Such a shame...” One girl sighed sadly. “He’s gorgeous...”

“Fucking pouf should know when he’s not wanted around...”

“Ugh! That’s disgusting! Get a room queer!”

Sirius ignored them all. “I’ll be fine, James.”

“I...I alright...” James sighed heavily and messed up his hair at the back. “Just...just don’t stay over Christmas Day, I’d like to see you...”

Sirius clapped him on the back. “Knew you’d understand.” He said and walked away.

James watched his retreating back. “But...you never said if you were gunna see me Christmas day...” He whispered to Sirius’ back.

XXX

“Merry Christmas Prongs!” Remus said with a big grin as James opened the door, he thrust a gift at him.

“Hi, Come in.” James said with a sad smile and let Remus into his house.

“James? Is that Sirius?” Dorea stepped into the hall way and her smile slipped slightly when she saw Remus. “Oh, Remus! How wonderful to see you. Come in and sit in the living room, its cold out there...would you like tea? We have plenty of mince pies as well.”

“Tea would be wonderful, Mrs. Potter.” Remus called as he removed his shoes and followed James into the living room. James reached under the massive tree and threw a wrapped gift at Remus who caught it and smiled. “Thanks.” He sat down. “This one’s for Sirius...” Remus said, removing another present from inside his coat. “Where is he? I haven’t heard from him all holiday...”

“I...” James looked away, he fiddled absently with the corner of his gift before sighing heavily. “He’s staying with William Trenton, that Ravenclaw seventh year.” He looked out the window. “I haven’t had a single letter or anything...I hope he’s alright...”

“James, I’m sure he’s fine. Trenton has a good reputation around school, he’s intelligent and solid and I’m sure he won’t let Sirius get into too much trouble.” Remus smiled reassuringly before stowing his gift beneath the tree. “There, he can have that when he comes home. He’s an adult now, we can’t tell him what to do...he can look after himself and I will say what I’ve said before; Padfoot will always return to us.”

James smiled and nodded. “Yeah, he will...I just...I miss him. I suppose I just kind of got used to having him all to myself...”

Remus sat at his side and nodded. “I know.” He said quietly. “But it was inevitable really, wasn’t it? He can’t have you, James, so he’s distancing himself from you...he’s trying to protect himself and stop his feelings from getting hurt. You have to let him go.”

XXX

Sirius did come back, it was midnight when the knock on the door came, James stood up and answered it. Sirius was grinning broadly, in his hand he had a bunch of tinsel and he was giggling madly. His cheeks were bright pink from the cold and his scarf trailed on the ground. “Jaaaamie!” He cried and flung his arms around James’ shoulders. “Jamie...you’re my bestest freeeeind...” He chuckled. “I love you you sexy bastard.” He pulled James into a rough embrace and kissed him on the lips. “I have had the fucking best time of my life...seriously Will knows how to party...” He stumbled into the wall dragging James with him, their faces were close and James could see how huge Sirius’ pupils were, he smelt of alcohol, cigarettes and sex. “And his cock is huge...seriously...my arse aches still and he can give an amazing blow job...” He giggled and slipped down the wall slightly.

“Sirius...you’re being too loud, my parents...”

“Shit...sorry...” Sirius’ voice dropped to a stage whisper and he began nuzzling James’ throat and hair. “You’re soft...so soft Jamie...like cotton wool.” He chuckled. “Will’s dad had his mates come over and we got pissed and they gave me some of these...” He dug in his pockets and revealed a handful of pills.

“What are they?” James asked, trying to move them into the living room where Remus was.

“Drugs...They make everything fucking wonderful!” Sirius’ smile was huge, it was almost creepy. “Only...only they don’t last for very long...The magic in me makes it go away and I feel fucking terrible afterwards...but it’s alright I’ve had about ten of ‘em.” He giggled again as James finally manoeuvred him into the living room.

“Ten?!” James’ eyes widened. “That’s...a lot...”

“I know, but the effects don’t last for long enough...not like with muggles...” Sirius shrugged and followed James into the living room at a meandering pace.

Remus smiled when he saw Sirius but it soon faded into a frown, he stood up his wolfish instincts telling him something was wrong. “What’s wrong with you?” He asked as Sirius fell onto a sofa with a mad giggle.

“He’s on drugs...” James replied and held out his hand, several of Sirius’ little white pills sat there looking perfectly innocent.

Remus picked on up and gazed at it. “Ecstasy...” He said slowly, his eyes flicking to Sirius.

“And it is Moonikins...it’s fucking bliss...!” Sirius moaned as he stretched out across the sofa with his arms above his head and gazed up at the ceiling. “Merlin it’s like...like my head’s full of happiness...”

Remus sighed softly. “They won’t do any permanent damage to him.” He said stiffly, he didn’t like the energy surrounding his friend, it was hectic and confusing like a swirling wind of intense emotion. He shivered. “He’s a Pureblood, it means he has certain advantages when it comes to being intoxicated. Alcohol will do more damage than these.”

“But he’s...he’s not right...” James muttered, absently putting the pills in his pocket.

“No, but there’s little we can do.” Remus sighed. “You should go to bed, Padfoot.”

Sirius rubbed his face against a cushion. “God that feels nice...” He breathed. “Jamie, your parents have amazing cushions...so soft and squishy...” He giggled and hugged the pillow to his chest. “Like you...soft like feathers and wool and little fluffy bunnies.”

James couldn’t stop the small, wry smile from spreading across his face, he dipped his hand into his pocket and took out a couple of pills. “You sure these don’t hurt?” He asked curiously.

“I am but...” Before Remus could finish his sentence James downed both pills dry. “You idiot James.” He sighed. “Now I have to look after you both.”

James smiled. “I don’t feel anything...”

“You won’t for a little while, until they’ve been digested into your system...look, we should go to bed, it’s late...”

“But Moooony...it’s still early!” Sirius whinged from his sofa, James giggled.

“It’s three in the morning Sirius, if you don’t sleep you’ll make yourself ill.”

“Don’t wanna sleep...sleep’s for booooooring people, and I am not boring people.”

Remus couldn’t help but smile. “No, you’re far from boring Sirius.”

Sirius smiled, his hair was covering his face so only his eyes glittered through the thick strands. “I love you Moony...” He said softly, gazing up at his friends through a haze of joy. “You’re brilliant you are...brilliant and funny and-and lovely and amaaaaaaaaazin’....all of the good things like rainbows and kittens and puppy dogs all rolled into one squishy ball of wonderful Moony-ness.”

“Thank you...I think...” Remus replied. He sighed softly, it was difficult to get mad at someone who was talking like that, he smiled to himself reluctantly.

Sirius struggled into a sitting position and blinked at Remus, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a couple more pills. “Try one.” He said and took Remus’ hand, he put them into his palm with a smile. “It’s fun.”

Remus looked at them for a long time, his heart beat in his chest as he glanced between his friends. James had a thoughtful frown on his face and even as Remus watched he saw his pupils growing larger, he sighed. “I-I’m not sure I...”

Sirius stood up and took a pill from Remus’ palm. “Open wide, Moonkins...you may as well join in. It’s Christmas, loosen up a bit.”

Remus opened his mouth and let Sirius place the pill on his tongue, he swallowed it and took the other. “There...happy?” he said with a small smile.

“Very! Knew there was a reason you’re my friend.” Sirius beamed happily at him.

It took a while for the drugs to kick in so Remus sat down and watched Sirius and James wrestling and laughing happily, he smiled as warmth filled his chest. His pack was back together again and he loved them all.

Sirius was wrestled to the floor so he lay beneath James, he panted and looked up at his best friend with sparkling eyes. They held each other’s gazes and slowly James leaned down with his hands in Sirius’ hair, their lips brushed and Sirius closed his eyes, parting his own lips slightly as James drew closer.

Remus felt a strange yet familiar feeling race through his veins, he shuddered and his eyes widened. He looked out the window and saw no sign of the moon. It was only a few days after the last full so it wasn’t due for a while, terror ripped through him followed by an agonising inner howl as the wolf clawed its way to the forefront of his mind. He gasped and doubled over as if he had been punched in the gut. He wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes tightly. “J-J-...James...S-Sirius...” He whispered with a groan as his body tried to transform, it was more painful than anything he had experienced before. His body fought desperately with itself and he slipped off the sofa onto his knees, he leaned on one hand as he lowered his head. “James...” He gasped desperately, his fingers clawing at the carpet. “JAMES!” His scream filled his head and he shuddered as pressure filled his body.

Sirius and James looked over to see Remus shaking violently, his hair covered his face and hid it from view as claw-like nails dug into the carpet. “Shit!” James climbed off of Sirius and ran to his friends side. “Remus! Remus what’s wrong? Hey...are you o-” Remus grabbed him, yanking him down so their faces were close, slowly he lifted his head and James’ eyes widened. Remus’ eyes were amber, his hair slowly turning grey. His body shuddered violently and he grimaced to reveal a mouth full of wolf-like sharp teeth.

“R-Run...” He gasped, it came out sounding like a growl.

James stared for a full minute before he pulled himself free of Remus’ grip and stumbled backwards, he grabbed Sirius and yanked him up. “He’s not going to recognise us...run!” He pushed Sirius out the living room. Sirius’ silver eyes were wide and he was pale, he stumbled as they heard another scream.

“Boys...what’s wrong?” Dorea potter stood at the top of the stairs, her dressing gown wrapped tightly around herself and her face pale with fear.

“Mum! Run! Get out of here before...” James turned his head to see Remus curled up on himself, the transformation was going wrong. It wasn’t a full moon. “This isn’t supposed to happen!” He said loudly as Remus’ body contorted and convulsed, the sounds of snapping bones reached them along with another scream that ended in a sob. Sirius took a shuddery breath, he straightened as the drugs left his system with his adrenaline.

“Mrs. Potter, get your husband and get out of here...Remus is...there’s something wrong with him.” He ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time and took Dorea’s hand, he pulled her gently down the stairs and gave her to her son. “James, get out of here...”

“No.” James said softly, his eyes on his friend. “We can’t leave him.”

“Idiot.” Sirius muttered with a brief smile before turning and flying back up the stairs. “Mr. Potter!” He cried and flung James’ parents bedroom door open, he scanned the room and saw Charlus sitting at his desk.

“What on earth...” He was cut off by an agonised scream that turned into a howl. He shuddered and stood up. “What’s happened? That’s not an ordinary wolf.”

“No time to explain, you have to leave...”

Charlus nodded and walked with Sirius down the stairs. “Your wife’s waiting for you, sir.” Sirius muttered distractedly as he ran his hand through his hair, he had his wand gripped in one hand. “James and I will handle it.”

“But if that’s what I think it is you should get out of here right now!” Charlus said with wide eyes.

Sirius managed a small smile. “We’ll be safe.” He said and gave Charlus a gentle push. “I’ll protect James, if it’s the very last thing I do.”
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Amore et Amicitia