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Broken Wings	By : Drarry-Lisa Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 4083 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other characters/things/places created by J.K. Rowling. I make no money from my fan-fiction.

Chapter List
- 39
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- 41
Chapter-40
Apology
Harry woke up before Draco the following day and blinked a couple of times before wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. After a couple of minutes, he opened his eyes and sat up. With a jolt, he reminisced everything that had happened the previous night. Instantly, shame overcame him and he stared at the opposite wall.
What the hell did I do?
These words rang in his mind over and over and he turned to look at Draco. Draco was not sleeping. His eyes were open and tired as if he had not slept at all.
"Harry I am sorry." Draco averted his eyes and spoke softly, his fingers tracing random patterns on their bed sheet. Harry wanted to slam his head on the wall he had been staring at.
He had said all that bullshit in the heat of the moment.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. I am sorry for saying all that bullshit." Harry spoke softly. But Draco wouldn't look at him. He was quiet and Harry knew there was no point of comforting the man. No words Harry could say would soothe the sting.
"Draco." Harry murmured and placed his hand on Draco's wandering one. The fingers stopped but Draco didn't look at him.
"I wish I could. I wanted it but still I didn't want it." Draco whispered and Harry closed his eyes, regretting his stupid words.
"I overreacted Draco. I didn't mean it. I love you and will wait as long as you want. I know the wounds might take years to heal that is why I suggested visiting Neville." Harry whispered. Draco had still not removed Harry's hand but he was not looking at Harry at all.
"Draco." He murmured desperately and Draco moved. Before Harry even knew what was happening, Draco had moved close to him and was kissing him urgently. His hands were on Harry's cheeks and Harry's eyes shot wide open as they met Draco's.
It was so bloody clear that Draco was trying to please him. The kiss was good and Harry loved every minute of it. It was not forced. Draco loved him and loved kissing him but right now Harry knew that fear was as much as the reason of this kiss as was desire. Draco's eyelids lowered and he changed his angle to get a better access to Harry's mouth and Harry started hating himself.
Somehow, he managed to detach his mouth from Draco's and when Draco pressed closer, he shook his head firmly. Draco's eyes were desperate but not from desire or lust. They were desperately terrified.
Harry simply stared at Draco speechlessly for a couple of minutes. What had he done? He was the only one Draco trusted. What the fucking hell had he done?
"I just- I just don't want us to fight and get separated again. I am your husband and should be able to satisfy your needs Harry." Draco spoke desperately and backed off. He sat up and pulled his hair and Harry stared, his heart beating wildly.
He had never felt so guilty in his life. How was he any different from those men who had violated Draco?
"I love you so much and I should be able to make love to you. It has been more than a decade. I should be able to move on Harry. I am so sorry." Draco whispered, still pulling his hair in frustration.
His apology broke Harry's heart. His eyes stung and he wiped them but the tears gathered again and then Draco continued, "I will try to do better. I promise. Just- just don't fight with me. I can't handle separation again."
Harry couldn't help it anymore. He breathed hard and wiped his eyes. The unshed tears were wiped off and were replaced by more but he wiped his eyes again and sat up. He had to do this. He had to say this. It was required. He had fallen into the category of people who could manipulate Draco. He was dangerous and it was horrifying. The only man who was supposed to love Draco unconditionally had manipulated him.
He had married Draco and he had vowed to protect and love him. He had broken those vows the last night.
"Draco, listen to me." Harry whispered as he sat up and his voice broke. He had never imagined that he will have to say these things. But it was necessary. He loved Draco, no matter what he had done the last night. He had never loved anyone as he loved Draco and thank god, Draco had punched him before things had gotten out of hand.
Draco looked at him, his eyes startled and Harry took another long breath. He was not a teenager. He should have had a better control over his hormones. Draco trusted him. It was difficult to say this but he had to. He had brought this upon himself.
"Draco, no matter what-" He stopped because tears had gathered in his eyes again. His vision was blurred as he continued, "It does not matter who does it Draco. You have to back off if you don't want to."
"But you are my husband and you have a right to-" Draco whispered, his eyes on Harry's and Harry couldn't control a lone tear from slipping from his eye now. How should he tell Draco that he had to be cautious of the only man he loved, the only man he trusted.
"I don't Draco. No one has a right to touch you without your permission." Harry muttered and wiped his nose after sniffing. He continued after a second's pause, "Just because I am your husband, it does not mean that I had a right to force you or say those horrible things. I am sorry and I can perhaps never forgive myself for slipping. I tried so hard Draco. I -" Harry stopped again because his voice broke and he hated this. He had always hated crying. He hated tears.
"I am so very sorry for making you think that I have a right to force myself upon you." Harry stopped because next came the words that were most difficult to utter but had to be said. Draco had to understand.
Draco was staring speechlessly at him now, his mouth open in shock.
"You have to understand one thing Draco. Rape-" Harry stopped speaking and then breathed hard. It came down to it. He was as bad as those bastards. Just because Draco pushed him off and nothing happened it didn't mean that nothing could have happened.
He continued softly, "Rape is rape Draco, no matter whether it's your husband or a stranger."
He blinked his eyes, his vision blurred now.
He would never forget this. He slipped. Anything could have happened. Draco had healed a lot that is why he pushed Harry away.
"Are you insane Harry. Nothing happened." Draco spoke, utterly stunned and Harry closed his eyes, muttering, "Because you pushed me off at the right moment. It could have."
"I pushed you yes but then I slept with you and you were hard and you controlled yourself. You didn't even attempt to do anything. You didn't assault me Harry. You didn't know that I was putting upon an act. It was a natural reaction." He whispered and tried to hold his hands but Harry pulled away, muttering, "Don't defend me. What's wrong is wrong."
"Stop blaming yourself for everything. You didn't assault me." Draco spoke frantically and Harry shook his head, looking at Draco sadly.
He had known that Draco would say this. They needed to see Neville.
"I should have controlled myself Draco. I didn't do anything because you didn't let me." Harry spoke softly.
"You would never have hurt me and I am your husband. It is only natural to -"
Harry couldn't control himself from hissing, "It's natural to know instantly that you need distance. It's not natural to pounce upon you when you are vulnerable and want me to understand. It's most certainly not natural to blame you of all those horrible things. Marriage is not about sex and just because we are married, I don't own you. Engrave these words in your mind. Why don't you bloody understand? "
Harry pulled his hair in frustration and concern before continuing, "Stop defending me."
"All right then. I forgive you." Draco muttered and Harry stared.
"I understand that you reacted wrongly in the heat of the moment. You had plenty of time to assault me if you wanted it but you didn't. So I forgive you. Just forget it." Draco whispered and moved forward, embracing him tightly.
Harry laughed bitterly at his words, "I can't forgive myself so quickly and I can't forget this."
"You are not god and you can commit mistakes. You realized yours and I forgive you because I love you."
Harry does not answer and Draco heaves a heavy sigh before pulling Harry on the bed to lie beside him.
Harry seeks solace in Draco's arms, his thoughts still on how he had been a moment away from destroying the only man who had trusted and loved him and placed his life in Harry's hands.
"Harry it's all right. I am fine. You didn't hurt me. Just forget last night." Draco whispered and Harry realized that he was the luckiest man on this earth. He couldn't forget. He wouldn't. He will always remember so that he never makes this mistake again.
He turned around and kissed Draco's forhead looking deep inside his eyes.
"I am sorry."
"I forgive you. It's okay." Draco whispered, his arms around Harry's waist.
"I am still sorry." Harry whispered earnestly because saying sorry wasn't enough.
Draco simply sighed and embraced him, whispering, "Sleep. We still have an hour."
"Sorry." Harry whispered again but it wasn't enough and so he closed his eyes, wondering what would be enough. The last thing that he heard before sleeping was Draco's voice singing a soft lullaby to him.
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Broken Wings