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Chapter Forty-Two—Rumor,
Refusal, Temptation
“I don’t
understand.”
Harry kept
his eyes on the books in front of him. He didn’t feel up to a confrontation
with Draco right now. “What’s not to understand? I’d rather concentrate on
studying and making sure that we’re not expelled from the Auror program. That’s
more important to me than finding out who Nihil is.”
He could
feel Draco’s stare from the other side of the room. That didn’t mean that he
needed to look up and respond to it.
He turned a
page, and that seemed to be the signal for Draco to lose control of the temper
he’d been so carefully keeping back.
“You’re a
coward sometimes, you know that?” The table Harry was studying at rattled when
Draco stalked closer. Without a lot of weight—he was still slender no matter
how much he ate while he was recovering under Portillo Lopez’s care—he walked
in a way that made his point. “Just because I was hurt, is that enough to scare
you off from learning more about Nihil? Especially since we were so close to
finding more substantial answers? Especially since your friend Granger’s
suspicion is probably right and Nihil looks more and more like one of the Death
Eaters’ victims?”
“My friend Granger?” Harry felt free to
look up now, because he could give Draco a teasing glance. “When you’re the one
who’s spent more time with her than me lately, trying to find out what spells
could have scrubbed those potions vials clean and why the resonance spell
triggered that trap?”
Draco
leaned nearer, his nostrils flaring. “It’s not about that,” he said. “It’s
about your being afraid because I was hurt.”
Harry
sighed. It seemed he couldn’t escape this no matter how much he wanted to. He
put the book down and leaned back in his chair so that he could put a bit of
distance between himself and Draco. “Yes,” he said. “It is.”
Draco shook
his head and paced away again. “Why? I don’t understand why that makes such a difference to you. After I was wounded
during that battle with Nusquam, you never thought of giving up.”
“You came
closer to dying this time,” Harry said.
Draco gave
him a blank look. “No, I didn’t. I think burns aren’t the same thing as the
corruption of my magical core.”
“I couldn’t
help you this time,” Harry said, “except by ending the spell. And even then, I
needed Ron’s help to do it.” He grinned when Draco grimaced. No matter how many
days passed since their journey into the cache, it seemed that Draco was no
nearer coming to terms with the fact that Ron had saved his life. “That’s—different
for me, Draco. It clarified a lot of things. I could risk my life, but not
yours.”
Draco
stared at him again. Harry looked back. He had no idea what other words he
should use, because those words were the truth.
“What are
you saying?” Draco whispered.
“Exactly
what I said,” Harry replied, confused by the way Draco’s eyes were shining. “I
care more about your life than my own.”
“But you
didn’t say anything about your friends,” Draco breathed. He took a step closer,
and now the air in the room had changed and was charged in some strange way,
and Harry didn’t know why. “They were with us. Why didn’t the danger to their lives change the way you felt
about this?”
Harry frowned
and shifted. Yeah, now that he says that,
it should have. Maybe Ron and Hermione weren’t in the same kind of danger that
he was, but they weren’t safe. “I don’t know,” he said. “It’s just
different.”
“You feel
differently about me than you do about other people.” Draco was still
whispering. He reached out and closed his hand around Harry’s wrist. Harry
started. He hadn’t realized Draco was that close.
He looked
up and met those glowing eyes and felt as if he should swallow or say something
or cluck his tongue to break the mood. But he couldn’t.
“Yeah,”
Harry said at last, though he didn’t know if Draco heard him, with his voice
reduced to a whimper in the back of his throat.
Either
Draco did or he could tell from the shape of Harry’s lips what he was saying, because
he looked suddenly smug and dropped Harry’s wrist, stepping away. “That was all
I wanted,” he said, voice both satisfied and wistful. “To know that you thought
about me differently than you did about other people.”
“No, you
wanted to be more important to me than everyone else,” Harry snapped, but the
force of Draco’s smile stopped him.
“I know
what I want better than you do,” Draco said calmly, and then turned around and
picked up his Auror Conduct book. When he came back with it, he sat down across
the table from Harry, turning pages as though he had intended to study all
along.
“And that’s
it?” Harry demanded. “You aren’t going to argue anymore that we should hunt
Nihil down no matter where he is?”
“It isn’t
getting me anywhere right now, is it?” Draco looked up, his face calm. Harry
thought it was the cool and collected expression he had tried to achieve many
times in school and had done so little. “I’ll wait until your fear’s worn off a
bit. Then we can investigate. I want to get revenge on Nihil for what he’s done
to me.”
Harry
nodded almost against his will. He had wanted much the same thing; he simply
hadn’t seen how they could get it.
“We’ll find
him,” Draco said. “But there’s no reason we can’t wait until the instructors’
vigilance wears off, so we can do it without being suspected. It’s probably for
the best, anyway. We should do what will heighten our chances of success, not
what will obscure them simply because we’re stubborn.” He looked down at his
book again.
Harry went
slowly back to his own, now and then looking up to eye Draco. Draco presented a
supremely innocent, busy picture, no matter how long or when Harry looked at
him.
He’d been
thrown back into uncertainty again with just a few words from Draco.
But, he
thought, uncertainty with Draco was a lot better than certainty without him.
*
Draco
hesitated, then pushed the door open. The longer he hesitated, the worse he
would make it, as his mother had told him when he was reluctant to have some
wound opened and healed.
The rooms
beyond were so cluttered that Draco nearly turned around and left again. Books,
half-open, dangled off the table. The table itself was balanced on more books
and an essay that looked as if it bore more of the professor’s comments than
Weasley’s own words. The chair was wrinkled and had a large stain in the middle
of it that Draco could have sworn was mustard, or at least mustard-colored. The
door had several scratches in it. Draco shook his head. He didn’t know what had
caused this mess, and every reasonable explanation he could think of caused
unwanted images to rise in his mind. He could only hope that Harry had never
lived in quite this state of disorder, or at least that he had cleaned off the
lice and fleas by now if he had.
“Mate, I—Malfoy?”
At least
Weasley sounded as displeased to see him as Draco was about being here. It was some
small comfort to think that he was causing someone else distress. Draco raised
his eyes to Weasley’s face.
Weasley was
red, but that was nothing new. It was new
for him to be dressed in a trailing bedsheet, and Draco tried, and failed, to
not imagine Granger in a similar state in the next room. He shuddered and
cleared his throat, while he tried to pretend that he was peering intently at a
book sprawled on the table.
“I came to
thank you for the magic you lent to Harry in the cache,” he said. His words
sounded odd and stilted to his ears, unfamiliar.
“Harry
already thanked me for that.” From the sound of things, Weasley was rubbing his
neck and probably heartily wishing Draco out of the room. “But thanks, of
course,” he added hastily.
“You don’t
understand,” Draco said, and felt a bit of irritation work its way through his
embarrassment. “I thought you would, since you know more about the pure-blood
ways than Harry does. I owe you a life-debt.”
“Yeah,”
Weasley said. “And I don’t want it.”
Draco
stiffened his courage and glanced back at him. Luckily, the bedsheet hadn’t
slipped more than an inch, and he didn’t have to see more than that of a chest
covered with fuzzy red hair. “You can’t refuse
a life-debt that way.”
Weasley
squinted at him, and then laughed. “Of course you can. What kind of ‘pure-blood
ways’ did you grow up with? Dad always taught us that life-debts only mattered
when there was some kind of attachment between the wizards. So I reckon you and
Harry should consider how much you owe your lives to each other—” He made a
gagging noise. “But you and I don’t have to.”
Draco
stared again. It was true that his father had sometimes mentioned the existence
of debates over the life-debts and how much better it would be if wizarding society
could choose one way of conforming to them, but he had not imagined anything like
a positive refusal existed.
“Why did
you save me, then?” he asked, when he had his breath back. “If not to have me
under your control because of a life-debt?”
“There’s
this little thing,” Weasley said, “called friendship. Harry cares about you.
Don’t ask me why. And don’t give me details,” he added defensively, as though
Draco had offered to spend the Galleons of his innermost thoughts on him. “But I saved you because I knew he
would have been devastated if you died. And…” He paused.
“Go on,”
Draco said, keeping his eyes narrow and his voice arrogant despite the warmth
he felt. I’m important to Potter. His best
friends recognize the fact and have to put up with it. And isn’t that just too bad
for them?
Weasley
stared at the ceiling, rolled his eyes, looked at the floor as if the answer
would be there, and muttered something inaudible.
“You were the
one who indicated that you had more to say to me.” Draco leaned forwards. “At
least do me the courtesy of speaking plainly. Both of us the courtesy, in truth. I don’t want to be here and you
don’t want me to stay when you could be fucking your girlfriend instead.”
Weasley
gritted his teeth and turned red enough that Draco expected an attack of
apoplexy any moment, but nodded his head and said in a clipped voice, “Fine. I
did it because no one should have to go through the kind of pain I could hear
you were going through.”
Draco stood
still. He would have made fun of that kind of Gryffindor idealism if Harry
exhibited it, secure in the knowledge that it meant he was dear to Harry. He
had no idea what to say when Weasley, of
all people, showed it.
“Don’t tell
anyone about this,” Weasley said. His voice was low. There could have been many
emotions causing that, and Draco was not inclined, at the moment, to try and
disentangle them. “I mean it.”
Draco
snapped himself out of his trance and nodded, eyes resolutely fastened to
Weasley’s. “You don’t have to worry,” he said.
“Good.”
Weasley flung himself back into the bedroom, in an action so near a flounce
Draco would have laughed if his lips didn’t feel numb. He slowly let himself
back into the corridor, licking his lips absently, trying to figure out what he
was going to do next.
Someone else cares about me—at least a little.
You don’t save the life of someone you’re absolutely indifferent to.
I don’t—I don’t know how to cope with this.
*
“I still
can’t learn anything about him.”
Harry
watched Ketchum pace back and forth across the room the instructors had chosen
for their private meeting with Harry, Draco, and, now that they had undergone
the trial by Veritaserum and were wearing jade bracelets, Ron and Hermione. The
Battle Tactics instructor looked more harassed than Harry had ever seen him. He
kept running his hand through his hair and tugging at the roots as if he
thought it would soothe him to have it come out.
“We know
that he’s powerful,” Ketchum continued. “We know that he has, or had, a
position of influence in the Ministry. But why did he pull back? Where is he
hiding now? What is his real name?” He shook his head and halted, staring
around as if he had just now realized that his audience might be getting dizzy.
“I’m a trained investigator. It should be easy to find this out. But it’s not.”
“From my
observations,” said Pushkin, with a slight pause after the word as if it was
sacred for him, “it is not surprising that he pulled back his influence from
the Ministry. We made things too hot for him. He could not stay in a place
where his every movement was suspected and where Maryam had discovered a way to
cure the magical disease that he inflicted on others.” He inclined his head to
Portillo Lopez. “Why would he wish to continue a confrontation which would
simply escalate, with more exposure of his motives and methods and more disadvantages
to himself? A retreat to a prepared, safe location and a recovery of his forces
was to be expected.”
“One thing
I don’t understand, sir,” Hermione said, speaking a lot more respectfully than
Harry had thought she would. But then, he
thought, propping his chin up on his fist as he turned to look at her, she was the only one of us who was relieved
to find out we wouldn’t be allowed to investigate on our own. “Why did he
flee when you cast that dragon at him in the battle? Harry described it, but it
seemed such a simple spell. Does he have an allergy to dragons?”
Ketchum
laughed, though Harry thought Hermione hadn’t meant her last sentence to be
funny, from her little frown. She was desperate to find some kind of weakness
to Nihil, or at least to Nemo and Nusquam. “I’ve been pondering that myself,”
he said. “It was a standard defensive spell. None of the others I used made
much impact. He hardly bothered to protect himself from most of them. Why
should he have feared that one? Badly enough to leave the Ministry with his
trainees, even?”
Hermione
gnawed her lip. “Can you cast the spell again, sir? Just so the rest of us can
look at it and get an idea of what would scare Nihil?”
Harry
looked hard at her. Hermione was trying to look innocent, which made him sure
she had some other motive behind the request.
Ketchum
studied her as if he was wondering the same thing, but nodded and held up his
wand. The incantation was carefully and loudly pronounced. Harry saw a smile
tugging at the corners of Ketchum’s mouth, and thought he probably liked being
able to show off without anyone accusing him of being superficial. “Draco vitae me defend!”
The air in
front of him coalesced and pulled together into a burning pool of light, and
then the dragon Harry remembered from the battle hurtled away from his wand,
wings spread wide and mouth parted. The light about it boiled and danced, and
built up to such a peak of brightness that Harry couldn’t bear to look at it.
It vanished before it hit the wall, though, or at least he didn’t hear it hit.
“Why did
you say Draco vitae, sir?” Hermione’s
voice was eager.
Harry
blinked away the afterimages and glanced sideways at Draco. His face bore a
complicated mixture of emotions. Harry wondered if it was easy for him to think
about Nihil when he had almost died, and placed a compassionate hand on his
arm. Draco leaned towards him and whispered.
“It’s
disconcerting to hear your name as part of an incantation.”
Harry
blinked, then bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t burst out laughing. Sometimes,
he thought, he worried too much.
“I’m not a
Latin scholar,” Ketchum said. “It’s just the incantation I learned.” He glanced
over his shoulder, and Harry saw that he faced Dearborn. Now that he was
thinking of it, he remembered Draco saying Dearborn had also conjured a dragon.
“The
incantation literally means, ‘Dragon of life defend me,’” Dearborn said, his
posture in the chair elegant, his voice polished and without inflection. “The
spell draws on the life-force of the caster, which is one reason that many of
us feel weak afterwards.” He raised an eyebrow at Ketchum.
Ketchum
puffed out his chest. Harry had to work hard to contain another laugh. He didn’t
think the professors at Hogwarts had ever seemed half so petty and jealous to
him. Was it because they were better people, or just because he was younger
then and hadn’t known them as well?
“That’s it,
then,” Hermione said, her voice high and excited. Harry stared at her, but he
could feel Draco nodding slowly beside him. That was one thing he envied both
Draco and Hermione, the ability to have their minds dart ahead like that and
reach some conclusion that wasn’t immediately obvious. “Don’t you see? The
spell is made of life-force. Nihil’s specialty is death, and coming back from
death. It’s no wonder he couldn’t deal with it.”
Harry felt
a burst of pride in his chest, and wished he could have put a hand on Hermione’s
shoulder, but he was too far away. He glanced around the table, though, and saw
more than one face shining with the revelation.
“We may
have the beginnings of something to deal with him, then,” Ketchum said. His
voice was softer, and his smile had gone away, though his eyes were no less
wide and bright. Harry thought he had the growl in his tone that he had heard
when Ketchum was fighting Nihil in the middle of the trainees’ meeting.
“We almost
certainly do,” Portillo Lopez said, and shook her sleeve. Quill and parchment
popped out of it, and she began to scribble. “The method is similar to what I
used to cure the infection in the magical cores of the students I tested. Why
did I not think of this before?”
“From my
observations,” Pushkin said, again with his reverent little pause after the
word, “we did not think of it before because we were thinking that the magic
that we must use to defeat Nihil would of course be complex and rather like the
Dark Arts. We would have distrusted a solution like this as too simple.”
“Now we
know of it,” said Dearborn, with a slow smile that changed his face remarkably.
Harry thought that he actually looked human, and didn’t wonder anymore that
Draco had wanted to study under him. “Now we can use it.”
In the
middle of the excited chatter—even Hestia was talking now, as she rarely did at
these meetings, leaning across Pushkin to ask Hermione questions about what
other spells she could think of that used life-force—Harry glanced at Ron and
Draco. Ron had a hard little smile on his face Harry wouldn’t have wanted to
face in battle. Draco was glancing from person to person as if he wanted to
memorize all the suggestions that everyone was making for testing later, now
and then tapping his fingers together as if he was making mental notes.
No one was
looking at Harry, so no one (probably) had seen the odd expression he knew had
crossed his face when Hermione talked about death magic and life magic.
Yes, it
made sense. He knew it made sense, even though he hadn’t thought of it before
because he had had no idea what Ketchum’s dragon was actually made of.
He knew it
made sense because he had lingered behind in one of the rooms they’d explored
in the cache and picked up a book that had caught his eye. The book looked like
it was about necromancy.
Maybe it
was trapped. But so far, it didn’t seem like it. Harry had had it hidden in
their rooms for weeks now, and it hadn’t exploded or poisoned anyone.
He knew
Hermione and Draco would both disapprove of him having it. Probably Ron, too.
But he just—he just needed—
It was a
thought. He hadn’t done anything so far.
He just
needed to think about what could happen if, maybe, he could bring some people
back to life who had died unfairly.
It was a
thought. He hadn’t done anything yet. It wasn’t wrong.
*
“Draco?”
Draco
immediately strode to the fireplace and dropped down to kneel in front of it. His
mother’s face was floating in the flames, and she looked so distressed that
Draco had to bite his tongue so he wouldn’t offer to come back to the Manor.
“What is
it, Mother?” he said, gently. Only later, thinking about it, did he realize
that was the tone his father had always used with her when she was upset.
Narcissa
took a deep breath and extended one hand. She didn’t actually reach through the
flames, however, pulling back her hand at the last moment. “Have you heard
anything about the rest of the family, Draco?” she asked. “Anything at all?”
“The rest
of the family?” Draco repeated, mystified. There were distant Malfoy cousins in
other parts of Europe—some of them distant enough that the family would have
considered them possible allies instead of competitors for the Manor and the
vaults—and he recalled, dimly, that he might have a great-great-aunt still
living. Maybe his mother meant the Blacks. “Is there something wrong with Aunt
Andromeda?”
Narcissa
gave her head a quick little shake. “That’s not what I meant. You’re sure you’ve
heard nothing?” She was watching him
with wide eyes, but her panicked breathing had calmed a little.
“No,
nothing at all.” Draco paused. “Is it Father?” He was trying to brace himself
for the news that Lucius had died in Azkaban or suffered some worse fate, while
dimly aware that he would fall over if it was true.
“No.”
Narcissa swallowed. “I thought—there was a rumor.” She passed a hand over her
forehead. “But you would have heard something if it was true,” she murmured. “They
would have been obliged to let you know, since you are the head of the family
now.”
“I wish you
would speak plainly, Mother.” Draco drew his legs up beneath him and tried to
get comfortable. “Is there some problem with the vaults? Is the Ministry
threatening you again?” Either of those were crises that he had expected before
and ones that he thought he could deal with.
“No.”
Narcissa closed her eyes. “I must—of course it was only a rumor. Amelia Ravenhurst
doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“I wish you
would speak plainly,” Draco said again, while he was trying to make sense of
what she’d said. The Ravenhursts were a family so minor that he was somewhat
surprised his mother had contact with them at all. Of course, they might be
some of the allies that she’d found who had made promises to her based on the
weight of Harry’s name.
How would they know anything about our
family?
“All’s
well,” Narcissa said brightly. “But I have duties I must attend to.” And then
the flames went out.
Draco
stared at the fireplace, shaking his head. His mother had never done something
so discourteous as to end a Floo call like that.
Troubled,
and hoping that this didn’t turn out to be something worse than it seemed on
the surface, he rose and went to fetch the books Harry had asked him to bring
to the library, where they would begin a study session.
*
hieisdragoness18:
Hee. Why did you want to smack Draco in the last chapter?
Thrnbrooke:
Well, they’re mostly older people, so probably they won’t be familiar. But
Harry and Draco find out more about that in the next chapter.
Mia:
Thanks!
Dragons
Breath: Thanks! As you can see, Draco is growing closer to the other members of
the Trio, though he would probably be reluctant to admit that.
Tree802:
Thanks for reviewing.
SP777:
Absolutely not! I am simply writing stories right now where the demand for sex
scenes is low. The later Running to Paradise Trilogy stories will have them.
Practicing Liars doesn’t because the boys are too young.
I don’t
know if mage and sorcerer have much meaning in the wizarding world, though
wizard seems to be the generic term for most people who can do magic.
MewMew2:
Thank you!
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