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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 42
- 43
- 44
LOST AND DAMNED

In the Shape of Things to Come

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The first half of the year passed by rather quickly for Harry Potter, and luckily without much incident. Hermione, true to her word, had stayed away from Draco, meaning Harry had to split his time between his two best friends, though it was hard to do much with either of them when he had so much going on. The workload for sixth years along was big enough without adding being Quidditch captain and then extra lessons with Severus and Dumbledore on the sides. He could barely remember to eat and sleep as it was and sometimes it got a bit exhausting, but he knew it was all worth it. The more he learned about Voldemort and the more he learned how to do magic the better off he would be when actually facing having to kill Voldemort.

He couldn't say it was all bad, though. Often times Severus would let him nap on the couch with the older man holding him and reading his book, waking Harry to send him off to bed before curfew. Other times, when Harry wasn't ready to pass out, they would talk or have snacks or even play games now and then. Nights spent with Severus after his lessons were the highlight of his days. Severus still found ways out of doing more than kiss and still sometimes had those days where he was so closed off it scared him. But Draco would always reassure him that Severus was new to relationships and had issues with letting people in and reminded him he would have to be patient. Following Severus's grumpier days, days where he would try to pick arguments or ignore Harry's affections, things were normally better than usual, as though it was Severus's silent apology for his behavior.

The beginning of December was more hectic than ever, with teachers giving out loads of homework and assignments to complete before the holidays arrived. Unfortunately, Severus had cancelled many of their lessons for the month to allow him time to get caught up on his schoolwork, especially since the main thing he needed to master was Occlumency and onto attempting nonverbal wandless spells. They didn't need daily lessons, though Harry would miss spending time with Severus. It really was a shame the man he loved was so serious about Harry's schoolwork and adamant that he do well, even threatening to end their evenings together completely if Harry started doing too poorly in classes. Just last night that had led to a very nasty argument.

"Fuck, it's like I'm in a relationship with my bloody father!" Harry had snapped.

"I'm certainly old enough to be your father, aren't I?" Severus had said coldly. "Though please, do not ever mistake me for the scum of the earth."

Harry's eyes had flashed dangerously. "Really wish you would stop fucking talking about the people I care about that way!"

"And I, Mr. Potter, wish that you were more serious about your schoolwork and stop acting like a bloody child every time you're faced with something that displeases you," Severus had snapped back.

"Maybe I'd stop acting like a child if you would stop treating me like one!" Harry snapped back. "Bloody pedophile."

That comment had not gone over well with Severus and after several more minutes of arguing they somehow ended up kissing one another roughly before Severus got his mind back and told Harry to leave and go study.

"He's just looking out for you, Harry," Hermione told him the following evening as they sat in the common room, doing their Potions homework together.

"Yeah, I know, but still…It's a bit weird to have your…" Harry said, trailing off when he came upon the word boyfriend. It seemed so weird thinking of Severus as his boyfriend. "…significant other riding your arse about schoolwork!"

"It's not that uncommon, actually," Hermione said. "Maybe not for people our age, but people get onto their lovers about things like work or school or housekeeping or other things. It just means that he's looking out for you and wants to make sure you're doing everything you need to do and help you achieve those goals."

Harry sighed. "Yes, well, I've been working my arse off for months. Don't I deserve a break?"

Hermione smiled sadly. "Of course you do, Harry. And we have Christmas coming up…Dumbledore and Snape both said you can have the holidays off to enjoy."

"Thank God," Harry said. In only another couple of weeks and he would be free. Even then, though, what good would that be? He wouldn't be able to stay with Severus…Sirius was probably expecting him at Grimmauld Place and he was sure if he tried to use his lessons as an excuse, Sirius would get mad and say something to Dumbledore or Severus about the matter. Harry was honestly excited to see his godfather, but he did hope to have some time to enjoy alone with Severus. The Christmas holidays would be a great time for them to spend more time together, aside from an hour or two a day after his lessons.

"Speaking of Christmas," Hermione said after a minute. Harry glanced up, surprised to see her face so nervous. "Slughorn is having a party for the Slug Club…He asked me to find a time where you would be able to attend and…Well I figure you could get out of it easily if you really wanted, since you have had an awful lot of extra lessons. But I was hoping you might go to just this one? With me?" Hermione asked hopefully. "I really do not feel like going by myself and he said we could bring dates and Cormac McLaggen is going to ask me any day now, or so Lavender says, and I would really appreciate having a good reason to turn him down."

Harry hesitated. He really did not want to be around Slughorn and he wasn't sure going with Hermione was the best of ideas. If Slughorn started praising his amazing Potions skills, Hermione was bound to end up in a rotten and bitter mood. Looking into her hopeful eyes, though, Harry found himself saying, "Yes. Of course I will."

"Oh, thank you, Harry!" Hermione said brightly, leaning over her books and parchment to hug him.

"No problem," Harry told her, though that wasn't entirely the case. All he could do was hope that the party wouldn't go quite as bad as Harry imagined it would.

Hermione immediately returned to her homework in high spirits and Harry looked back down at his own Potions book. He hadn't gotten very far on his essay, as he kept getting sidetracked reading the things the Prince had written in the margins. Spells, alternative potions recipes, or even small notes. He made sure to write something down now and then, but he could still feel Hermione's suspicious gaze on him and knew she'd start harping on about how much she didn't trust the Half Blood Prince if he kept himself distracted too long.

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The following day found Harry in a better mood. It was another lesson with Severus that evening and despite the fact they had fought the last time they were together, Harry was still looking forward to seeing the man. It was probably the last time he'd get to see him this week, at least alone, so Harry was determined to make the most of it.

At breakfast that morning, he received a letter from Sirius. Figuring it was probably to discuss what they would do for Christmas this year, Harry opened it eagerly, quickly scanning the words before going back over them and reading them carefully.

Dear Harry,

I'm afraid I don't have very good news. Dumbledore's given Remus and myself a very important task and it is the first really big thing I can contribute to. I am not completely sure if we'll be back by Christmas or not. If not, we left you our gift under the tree here at home. You are more than welcome to come along and stay here during the holidays, if you would like. If you have other places you would rather go, such as visiting the Weasleys or spending time with Draco Malfoy, that is fine, too. If we do make it back before Christmas I would be very happy to see you and will send an owl along to let you know.

I have heard that you've been doing well with your schoolwork. Given the fact that you have so much going on, I'm very proud of you for managing such decent grades. I know it must all be challenging right now and very stressful. You are going through a lot of things no one your age should have to, but I would just like to encourage you to keep up the good work and learn as much as you can. Always know that you have many people who care about you and who are willing to help you with everything you have been asked to do. Being as I'm not there, I'm not sure what I can do, but always know that you can come to Remus or myself with anything. We will always do our best by you.

-Sirius

Harry frowned a bit at the letter and handed it over to Hermione who was looking at him curiously. At least his hopes of spending more time with Severus might be managed, but he was a bit disappointed that he might not be able to spend time with his godfather. He did see Severus more and felt a little bad for wishing so much he could spend more time with Severus. Disappointment settled in as he nibbled half heartedly on a piece of sausage while Hermione read and handed it back to him, looking at him sympathetically.

"It's…not so bad," Hermione said. "He did say there's a possibility he could be back and you could always spend Christmas Day with him."

"Yeah. I hope so," Harry said, glancing up at the Head Table when he felt someone looking at him. Severus wasn't looking, but turned back to do so when Harry looked at him. He shot him a questioning, concerned look and Harry just shrugged, not really sure how else to respond to it.

After breakfast, Harry flew around on the pitch for a bit before it was time for his first class, Defense Against the Dark Arts. Harry spotted Hermione just a few minutes after he arrived, but her face fell and she strode quickly past him, to his momentary confusion. Just a second later he realized Draco was right beside him. His gray eyes had followed Hermione and he was frowning deeply. "How's she been?"

"Fine," Harry replied. Draco had taken to asking about Hermione now and then. It wasn't a daily ritual or anything, but Harry could still tell that it bothered Draco somewhat.

"You okay?" Draco asked, turning to look at him.

"Eh," Harry replied. "I was hoping to see Sirius this Christmas but he'll be busy. Might just stay here, I think."

"I'd like to stay here…It's all a matter of convincing my mother," Draco mumbled. Harry frowned. He almost forgot that Severus had mentioned that Draco's father had escaped Azkaban. Considering his past with his father, Harry didn't blame Draco for wanting to stay away.

"Tell her what you tell everyone else. That you have to spy on me," Harry suggested.

Draco smirked. "If only. I dunno if that would really work or not…She'll think I'm working too hard," he said, rolling his eyes. "Though I'm sure I can make a pretty convincing argument." There was a small pause before Draco went on with a mischievous smile. "Speaking of Christmas…I heard about Slughorn's party. Theodore asked me to try to convince you to ask him to be your date."

Harry raised his eyebrow. "What?" He had figured Nott had given up on trying to seduce him now that he and Severus were together and Voldemort knew it. There had been no more attempts, but Harry had been too busy to notice or be around for anything to happen.

"I'm not supposed to be obvious about it…Pride, you know?" he said laughing. "But I'm supposed to remind you that there are better options out there." Draco rolled his eyes and shook his head. "He and his father don't trust Severus and are still hopeful they can sway you…Make them look good and all."

"Too bad for him, I already agreed to go with Hermione," Harry said.

Draco just frowned and nodded. It wasn't the first time the thought crossed Harry's mind that maybe those feelings Hermione had spoken of weren't quite unrequited.

Harry didn't mention it, though.

Instead Severus let them in and Harry took his usual seat beside Hermione, who was quieter than usual. Severus started the class by reviewing some of the spells they had learned last time and announced that he would be pairing them up to practice using them nonverbally. This time, instead of letting them choose partners, Severus put them together himself…A Gryffindor with a Slytherin, seemed to be the pattern.

"Longbottom, Parkinson," Severus began. "Finnigan, Goyle. Patil, Crabbe. Brown, Nott. Granger, Malfoy. Greengrass, Potter…"

Hermione's eyes were wide when Severus called out her name with Draco's and Harry shot the man a funny look, that he ignored. Severus knew how things were with Draco and Hermione…Unless Draco had done something about it. Harry turned his curious look to Draco, who refused to meet his eye as he stood up to walk over to Hermione. Hermione shot him a pleading look, as if begging him to stay, but he shot her an apologetic look and stood up. He'd have to position himself and Daphne close to them, if it would make her feel better. Harry was so preoccupied with them that when he stood up, he accidentally knocked the books on his table onto the floor. "Bloody hell," he muttered.

"Five points from Gryffindor," Severus said smoothly from in front of him. Harry glared at the man and kneeled down to pick up his books, but the Potions textbook, which had been lying open, shot up into the air and Harry glanced up in surprise as Severus caught it and opened it. Harry had a bad feeling about that…Severus wore a strange look on his face as he flipped through the book. "And I will be keeping this. Meet me after class, Potter," Severus said before striding off with the book.

Harry wanted to argue and demand his book back, but shut his mouth. Why did Severus have to go take the book? He'd probably have the same ideas about it as Hermione and Ginny, which really should have told him something. Daphne Greengrass clearing her throat impatiently caught his attention and he sighed and pulled out his wand and tried to focus on the lesson. As far into the year as they were, only a handful could do nonverbal spells and even fewer could do them well. Hermione and Draco seemed to be showing off, flinging spells at one another and easily deflecting them with Shield Charms. Harry was so distracted watching them that he barely paid attention to Daphne until he felt his wand fly out of his wand.

Harry opened his mouth to Summon it, but closed it back and tried to Accio it wordlessly. After a few minutes of trying the wand flew back into his hand and he glared at Daphne's smug smile. He raised his wand and tried thinking of a spell to use against her, since Severus was taking point for people not using spells they had recently learned, saying it was pointless and ridiculous to use first year level spells against their opponent in a NEWT level class.

Harry struggled with it, but successfully blinded and unblended Daphne and put up one Shield against a spell she shot in his direction by the end of class. Draco wasn't smiling, but in his eyes Harry could tell how pleased he was with himself whereas Hermione looked miserable and anxious as she packed her bag and left the class ahead of everyone else. Harry, meanwhile, took his time packing his bag, since Severus wanted him to stay after class. He sat at his desk and watched the other students file out. Pansy Parkinson followed Draco like a dog, batting her eyelashes and flirted shamelessly, though he seemed to have no interest. The small group of Slytherins that followed were whispering and giggling and looking at Harry, probably taking amusement in the fact that he was probably in trouble.

"Good luck, Harry," Neville whispered on his way out behind everyone else, the door slamming shut behind him.

Now that they were alone, Harry stood up and hesitantly walked over to Severus's desk. The Potions text was laying open on his desk, his long fingers tracing over the words the Prince had written into the margins. "Where on Earth did you get this, Potter?" Severus asked.

"Potions cupboard. I didn't have my copy the first day of class," Harry admitted, shifting on his feet and moving his bag a bit.

"And why did you not put it back when you found your copy?" Severus asked.

Harry sighed. "Because I was doing better in class with that copy."

Severus nodded slowly, flipping the page. "Of course," Severus muttered. "And have you been practicing with anything else in this book?"

Harry hesitated. How much had Severus seen? "Erm…No. Just…Looked them over," he lied, remembering trying the nonverbal Levicorpus and having it affect Neville in the dorms.

Severus eyed him a moment, as if not sure whether or not to believe him. Harry swallowed hard and resisted the urge to move around and look away nervously. That would only make it more obvious. "Some of the things in this book are not safe," Severus said quietly, closing the book.

"I…I won't do anything stupid," Harry promised.

"You're not getting it back," Severus said.

"Why not?" Harry demanded in frustration. He relied too much on the Prince's help, enjoyed reading over everything handwritten too much.

"It does not belong to you," Severus said through gritted teeth.

"Why does it matter so much?" Harry asked.

There was a pause and Severus just stared at him hard for a long minute. "This book belonged to me, Potter."

Harry blinked in surprise. "What?"

"My mother's name was Eileen Prince," Severus explained patiently. "My father was a Muggle, making me a half blood. I'm the Half Blood Prince. Everything in that book…is mine."

Harry stared at him in surprise. He glanced down at the book and then back up at Severus. He was the Half Blood Prince? Harry almost wanted to laugh, how strange it was that the book that belonged to the man he loved had somehow ended up in his hands. "And…There's dangerous stuff in there?"

"Did I spend my time at Hogwarts inventing dangerous spells and potions?" Severus said instead. "Yes. As you well know I did not have a…pleasant…experience at school. I spent most of my time daydreaming about being in power and not having to worry about people like your father. I invented these spells in hopes of being able to protect myself and to punish them. I never did anything too harsh in those days, but the option was there."

Harry nodded slowly in understanding. He had seen for himself glimpses of Severus's schoolboy days. It felt so weird thinking of him using violent spells against his father or Sirius, though he supposed he couldn't blame him too much for wanting to protect himself.

"I…umm…kind of got rid of the book I originally bought," Harry confessed. "I switched them." Severus didn't say anything for a minute and Harry felt more and more awkward and uncertain standing there. Severus seemed lost in thought and Harry was anxious to get Severus to let him keep the book. "Look…I won't do anything stupid, okay? But…I dunno…I really like it."

"Because you're using it to do better than everyone else," Severus accused. "Why Slughorn chose such a useless text is beyond me. I had to make corrections for good reason," Severus muttered.

"Right," Harry said. "Look, Se-S-sir…Can…May I keep it?"

Severus continued looking at the book, tapping his finger gently on the desk. Harry was growing impatient, ready to speak again when Severus finally replied. "If I hear you've been using anything in this book, you will pay for it, Potter. Take my warning very seriously, some of the things written here are dangerous."

"Anything…that might be useful?" Harry asked curiously, quickly explaining at the sharp look Severus shot him. "I mean, for…for you know what," he said in a whisper. "Anything that might be useful in lessons?"

"Bring it tonight and we'll see," Severus said thoughtfully, picking up the book and handing it to Harry, though he looked like he didn't want to do so. Harry took it gratefully and grinned.

"Thanks, sir," Harry said. He glanced over his shoulder at the closed door and chewed the inside of his lip for a minute. Severus probably had a new class coming in soon and his heart raced as he considered it. Licking his lips, Harry turned around and quickly leaned over the desk to kiss Severus, missing his lips entirely and planting his lips against the man's nose instead. Harry flushed when he realized his mistake and Severus smirked in amusement, eying the door himself before grabbing Harry's face and pressing a quick kiss to his lips before shoving him gently.

Harry did his best to hide his goofy grin as he left the classroom, hurrying back to Gryffindor Tower. The second year Huffelpuffs and Ravenclaws waiting outside looked at him like he had lost his mind.

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Lost and Damned