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Practicing Liars	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 63257 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I am not making any money from this story.

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Chapter
Forty-Five�Epiphanies

�� It took
Harry a long minute to catch his breath; Dumbledore�s announcement had
surprised him so much. And there were a lot of things he had to react to.
Dumbledore�s wound. The idea that he was really weakening in his magic after
all, and wouldn�t get it back. Harry had assumed without thinking that the
weakness wouldn�t last, because it couldn�t
last. This was Dumbledore. He
would pull off some last-minute miracle to ensure that he wouldn�t have to lose
his magic. That was the kind of thing he did.

�� And then
that last announcement.

�� Snape�s
hand was pressing on his shoulder with such force that Harry knew it would
start to hurt in a minute. He cleared his throat and moved away. Snape grabbed
him and dragged him backwards again. Harry sighed, then reached up and squeezed
Snape�s hand in turn, something he had discovered would probably make him
loosen his grip a bit. Sure enough, Snape relaxed and let Harry edge away.

�� Well, a few
inches away, anyway.

�� What do
you mean?� Harry asked Dumbledore. �The prophecy says that I�m the one who has
to kill him.�

�� But it
does not say which weapons you must use,� Dumbledore said, as quietly and
gently as though they were discussing something reasonable.

�� Well, no,�
Harry agreed slowly. Snape had resumed his grip again. Harry sighed and leaned
against him. It was probably the only thing that would calm him down right now.

�� And your
wand is useless against him because your wand and his are brothers.� Dumbledore
looked at Fawkes with a tender smile. Fawkes, who had been looking at Harry
ever since they arrived, turned his head back and eyed Dumbledore again. His
croon was soft and gentle, so warm that Harry thought he got a dim glimpse of
the long bond that Fawkes and the Headmaster must have.

�� Yeah,�
Harry said. �But that still doesn�t mean you can defeat him.�

�� I do not
believe that you can,� Snape said, his voice crow-like, and Harry knew he would
be trouble. �Lying again, Albus? Now?
I would have thought the circumstances would have persuaded you to tell the
truth. I should have realized��

�� Hush,
Severus,� Dumbledore said, and Harry thought Snape would shut up. Dumbledore�s
voice was gentle, but also smothering, as though he was tossing a heavy blanket
over the top of a fire.

�� Harry had
underestimated Snape. His tone just got lower and uglier, and by this point he
was stooping over Harry, as though he was going to wrap him up in his robe and
take him away. �I will not. We came
here in good faith. You promised us answers. You knew beforehand that I would
come with Harry. And then this happens. What do you mean? Tell us straight out,
for once, with none of your dodging. Or is that something that you�re incapable
of, now?�

�� I am trying to,� Dumbledore said, with a dart
of his eyes that was the first sign of irritation Harry had seen from him. A
moment later, he was drawing in his breath carefully and releasing it with
equal care. �Forgive me, my boys,� he said. �I should have said this long ago.�

�� At least
five minutes ago,� Snape said, but Harry leaned against him, and he shut up out
of surprise.

�� Harry was
thinking. Dumbledore had talked about weapons, and he had said that Harry
wouldn�t be able to use his wand to defeat Voldemort, or at least not just his
wand, which Harry already knew. But he had said that he would be the one to
defeat Voldemort, which Harry knew couldn�t be true, because of the prophecy.

�� Now he
looked up and said, �Sir, are you going to give me your magic to defeat him?�

�� Snape went
still. Dumbledore turned and looked at Harry with an enormous smile, full of
relief and gratitude. Harry wondered suddenly how long it had been since anyone
had made Dumbledore�s life easier for him.

�� That doesn�t mean you need to, he
promptly reminded himself. And a lot of
the problems he brought on himself, like the way he wanted to sacrifice me.

�� That will
not work,� Snape said, and his voice was crow-like again. He would actually
have stepped in front of Harry, but Harry leaned harder against his legs, and
Snape had to concentrate on keeping his balance. �If your magic is as weakened
as you say it is, then how can you hope to make a difference? And the spells
that would pass your magic on to another wizard are Dark Arts.�

�� Not all of
them.� Dumbledore was watching Harry with an even gentler smile now. It
reminded Harry somewhat of the rare�very rare�times that he saw Aunt Petunia
smiling at Dudley, and knew that she was remembering the way he had looked when
he was a baby. �There is one that will give my power up to Harry with nothing
darker on my part than a specific incantation. And while my magic is weakened,
Severus, it is still greater than that of many other wizards.�

�� You cannot make him bear that,� Snape said,
his breath rustling and crackling and snapping in his lungs like cartilage.
�You cannot.�

�� Will
everyone stop talking over my head and tell me what I�m supposed to be able to
bear or not?� Harry demanded.

�� Yes,�
Dumbledore said, with a slight scolding tone in his voice that Harry didn�t
like. It made him think Dumbledore was enjoying this too much. �We should tell
the boy the truth, after all.� He turned to Harry while Snape was probably
still trying to find breath.

�� I will
cast a spell that involves a promise to surrender my magic,� Dumbledore said.
�All of it, every bit of my magical core. It is not a Dark spell because there
is no way to compel someone to perform it. If the victim is under the slightest
bit of coercion, the spell will fail.�

�� Harry
folded his arms. �And what happens when you give all those bits of magic to me,
sir?�

�� Dumbledore
didn�t look away. �I die.�

�� Harry
shivered. He rubbed his arms and wondered why gooseflesh had suddenly started
up on them.

�� No,� Snape
said again. He didn�t have much voice behind the word, but when he could hold
someone the way he was currently holding Harry, he didn�t necessarily have to
have it.

�� Just�let
me think about this, all right?� Harry said. His voice was too quiet. He
cleared his throat and tried to speak up more confidently. This was big and
complicated, like forgiving Dumbledore for wanting him to die when he found out
Harry was a Horcrux. He had to think carefully about it, or he was going to
make a mistake, maybe one that he would regret for the rest of his life.

�� Assuming that the rest of my life is long.

�� You should
consider it, yes,� Dumbledore said. �I would not wish to force anything on you
against your will, Harry��

�� Snape�s
bitter snort was everything Harry could have said about that subject, so he
didn�t say anything.

�� But
Voldemort should attack soon,� Dumbledore said. �Therefore, you will not have
much time to make your decision.�

�� He will
not be making the decision at all,�
Snape said. �It should not lie on his shoulders, to have to choose whether
other people live or die. That is a role that you have been more than eager to play.� He had both hands on
Harry�s shoulders now, pressing down, drawing him close, clenching like claws.
�To have made this offer is only another way of gaining control, not of making
up for your mistakes.�

�� It is the
only way I can think of,� Dumbledore said, deep and gentle. He glanced at
Harry. �I would offer you my wand, Harry, which is powerful and would enable
you to escape the problem of your wand and Voldemort�s being brothers, but it
would require weeks of training before it would consent to serve you. And I am
afraid that would still not allow you to match Voldemort�s raw power.�

�� Harry
nodded. �Because that�s what this is about, isn�t it?� he said. �Life or death.
Whether I�m going to live or die. I
was training hard because I thought it was all about spells, but then I found
out about the Horcruxes. And Voldemort still has all the advantages. He�ll
cheat. He�ll use Dark Arts. I know he
will. This is why you�re making this decision to offer me your power, isn�t it,
sir?� He found it comforting when he could reason out things like that for
himself. Not only did it reassure him that he was smart enough to understand
the sometimes incomprehensible decisions that the adults around him made, but
it meant he could consider the problems from other angles and see paths they
might have missed.

�� Yes, my
dear boy,� Dumbledore said. He looked at Harry with the same expression Harry
knew he must have worn when Hagrid explained the wizarding world and his
parents� deaths to him�the expression that said he was seen, finally, for what he was, and that it was a wonderful
feeling. �That is the truth.�

�� No,� Snape
said.

�� He didn�t speak it loudly, but there
was a finality in his voice anyway, like a tomb door shutting, that told Harry
they would have trouble with him. He sighed and turned to face his father.

*

�� Severus
felt as if he were standing in the face of a tragedy happening right this moment.
A child sacrifice, perhaps. That was the usual form that Dumbledore�s tragedies
took.

�� And Harry
was agreeing that it was a good thing he should be tied down to the altar. He
had a thoughtful look in his eyes, as though this was something that could be
considered dispassionately, argued and agreed with. He glanced at Severus as if
assuming that his agreement was inevitable.

�� No,�
Severus said.

�� Harry
turned towards him, that thoughtful look still in his eyes, and Severus knew at
once that he should never have permitted Harry to come to Dumbledore�s office,
even if he, Draco, Weasley, Granger, and Rita Skeeter had been with him.
Dumbledore carried a sickness in his rhetoric and ideas, an invisible illness
that was prone to infect Gryffindors. Severus was safe from it himself, but he
should have remembered what House his son was Sorted into.

�� Will you
listen to me?� Harry asked, his voice placating. �Just listen.�

�� I said
no.� It was the same voice Severus had used to such great effect when the boy was
sick and had no choice but to obey him. And to the credit of Harry�s inherited
intelligence, he hesitated now. But he shook his head in the end.

�� No,� he
said. �This is different. This isn�t something that jeopardizes my safety. Is
it?� he added, with a glance at Severus rather than Dumbledore that warmed the
small unpanicked part of Severus, because it showed his son thought of him as an authority and a source of
knowledge rather than the Headmaster.

�� It has
nothing to do with safety,� Severus said. �It has to do with adulthood and the
Headmaster�s decision to treat you as a monstrous compendium of adult and
child, rather than the person you are.� He glared at Albus, and he must have
put something in his expression that hadn�t been there at other times, because
Albus flinched and looked suddenly uncomfortable.

�� That�s an
answer, then,� Harry said. �The spell he casts will affect me positively, or
not at all.� He stood up a little taller and looked at his father with eyes
that Severus wanted to reach out and shut, because they had no business looking like that.

�� I�m not a
normal person,� Harry said, voice as soft as snowfall. �I know that. Having to
fight Voldemort four times in five years isn�t normal. Normal people aren�t
Horcruxes.� He touched his scar. �And so that should have a good side as well
as a bad one. Let me be trusted with my own decisions for once. I can do this.�

�� I do not wish you to make those decisions,�
Severus said. �He has no right to impose this burden on you.�

�� I don�t think
he wants to,� Harry said, without so much as a glance at Dumbledore to try and
extract the truth from him on that issue. �I think he just has to, because
that�s the way circumstances are.�

�� Severus
snarled; he absolutely could not help himself. �He will use such excuses to
make you believe him without question,� he said.

�� Harry
smiled, and there was so much in the expression that reminded Severus of Lily
that he had to look away. �Do you really think this is me giving in to him
without question?� Harry asked. �Because I don�t think so.�

�� You are
still a child,� Severus said.

�� Not
really,� Harry said. �Yes, in some ways. I don�t have all the knowledge that
you do, or all the experience. I haven�t�� He cut himself off from whatever he
was about to say. �But I�ve known how to make hard decisions for a while, and
I�ve known what it�s like to stand up to people around me for a while. I knew I
would have to make a hard decision when I heard the prophecy�the choice to
murder someone. So I�m kind of prepared for this. That makes things better,
doesn�t it?� He sounded as if he were pleading with Severus to agree.

�� Severus
looked at him. Harry had a thick wrinkle across his forehead above the scar,
the result of deep thinking that Severus didn�t think had all been conducted in
this one afternoon. As Harry had said, he would have had sleepless nights and
slow evenings and a whole summer trapped alone and starving in the house of his
Muggle relatives to consider what was going to happen. He wasn�t coming to this
blindly, no matter how much Severus might like to think he was.

�� But that
did not change certain facts. �Too much has been asked of you already,� Severus
said. �Too many sacrifices. And now a man asks you to choose whether he lives
or dies. That is yet another sacrifice, this time of your innocence.�

�� Harry
snorted. �What innocence?� But he
shook his head when Severus tried to speak. �I know what you mean. I told you,
I know that you have more experience than I do. But this really isn�t one of
those things. If Dumbledore had just performed the spell and given me the
magic, that would be something I was angry about, because I wouldn�t have a
choice. But in this case, I can still refuse.�

�� He knows
you won�t,� Severus said, backed against a wall but refusing to cease his
efforts to make Harry understand. �That is simply the rhetoric he offers to
make his manipulation of you seem less stark.�

�� Then it�s
rhetoric I choose to accept,� Harry said. �It makes what I�m doing�accepting
magic from a dying man�seem less objectionable.� He turned around and nodded to
Dumbledore. �I accept. When are you going to perform the spell?�

�� In a
week�s time.� Dumbledore�s face was pale, but he had closed his eyes, and
Severus was not sure if the pallor came from exhaustion, being brought
face-to-face with the martyrdom he had sought, or something else. �Voldemort
will either attack shortly or not at all, persuading himself to wait.� He
opened his eyes then, and any weakness he might have revealed was hidden behind
the steely general�s mask Severus knew so well. �And you will not be able to
hang onto my magic for very long after you have it, Harry. There is another
reason this spell is not often performed. The gift is meant to accomplish a
specific task, the one the giver wills. After you defeat Tom, it will go away.�

�� Good,�
Harry responded with such immense relief that Severus could not think he was
joking. �I don�t want to be powerful.�

�� Severus
shook his head. Harry was the most powerful one in the room at this moment, the
only one able to give Dumbledore license to cast that spell, the only one
capable of overruling Severus�s protests. Did he not realize that?

�� Or perhaps the boy has simply been too
crudely trained to recognize the different varieties of power. That is a
deficiency in his education that I must see to, after the battle.

�� After the
battle� was a paradise that Severus was growing increasingly certain would
never come, and so he did not wish to consider it. Instead, he asked
Dumbledore, not bothering to conceal his distrust, �How will we know when you
perform the spell?�

�� I will
invite you into the room where I intend to die,� Dumbledore said. �While I
don�t think that the spell will go astray, it would still be better if the
magic didn�t have a great distance to travel before it found Harry and became
part of him.� His eyes touched Harry�s face, and shone. His voice descended to
a whisper. �Have I told you how very, very proud I am of you, my boy?�

�� Harry
darted a look at Severus. Severus understood. Harry felt the uneasy side of the
fury that swept through Severus then. Dumbledore did not have the right to be
proud. He had not raised the boy, and his guidance had been weak and wavering
at best.

�� We cannot
know that will happen,� Severus said.

�� Take my
word,� Dumbledore said, and his face grew long and pale again, which Severus
welcomed because it was the only sign that he was causing pain to someone he
still considered an enemy. �I know that is hard for you to do,� he added. �But
I have considered my sins, including keeping information from you in the past,
and this is the only way I can make up for them.�

�� And this
is the only way he can earn my forgiveness for planning to kill me,� Harry
said.

�� Dumbledore
gave Harry a swift, blinking look. He smoothed it over a moment later, of
course, but Severus had seen, and he treasured the meaning of it. Harry had a
harder, crueler side, and he was not above using it to ensure that Dumbledore
kept both his promises.

�� Quite so,�
said Dumbledore, though with a wounded quiver to his mouth that made Severus
suspect he hated having to acknowledge such a thing. He tried to smile, and
couldn�t quite manage to do it. �Is there anything else that you wanted to say
to me?�

�� Severus
took great pleasure in turning his back and moving towards the door. Harry
followed him, though he did say something to Dumbledore that Severus didn�t try
to listen to. He did not think his son foolish enough (anymore) to promise his
life or his unconditional belief for the Headmaster�s sake, and nothing else
could worry him.

�� As they
traveled down on the moving staircase, Harry said, not looking at him, �I know
you�re just trying to protect me.�

�� Severus
inclined his head and said nothing.

�� And I
appreciate it. But.� Harry looked up at him, face so weary that Severus was
tempted to order him back into bed, before he remembered that Harry was living
out of the dungeons again and was not so immediately under his authority. �I
don�t think I can act like a normal child. I went without being parented for
too long. So sometimes I�m going to resist and just not listen to you. Can you
put up with that?�

�� Severus
placed his hand on Harry�s shoulder by way of an answer.

*

�� So that�s
it,� Harry finished, his fingers stroking the small of Draco�s back as if it
were the source he drew strength from. �Dumbledore�s going to die. Of course,
he was already dying, but this spell really will kill him, and he�ll pass his
magic on to me, and I�ll use it to defeat Voldemort.�

�� Draco
reflexively flinched at the name, but so did Weasley, so he didn�t mind. He was
more interested in the sick helplessness in Harry�s voice. He had made his
decision, but he wasn�t happy about it.

�� Draco would
have said something, but they were with Harry�s friends at the moment, in the
old classroom where they had met several times, and Draco�s words didn�t need
an audience.

�� That�s
awful, Harry,� Granger said, her face white. Draco thought she probably cared
more about Dumbledore dying than she did about the effect on Harry, but he
couldn�t prove it, so he kept quiet about that, too. �But you trust him this
time?�

�� Harry
nodded. �As much as I can. There�s still part of me that says he won�t keep his
word this time, because he�s never kept it before. But I�ve been thinking about
all those little hints and clues he was dropping�how he talked about an old
light fading and dying while a new one shone, for example. I think that�s what
he meant. He was planning to sacrifice himself so that I could defeat Voldemort
all along.�

�� I wish he�d
told you before,� Weasley said, watching Harry like a wise dog. Draco had
started, reluctantly, a little, to begin to approve of Weasley. He was more
sensitive to Harry�s moods and in some ways more insightful than Granger, whose
knowledge opened and shut with books. �A week isn�t much time to get used to
this.�

�� Maybe it
was impossible for him to face up to it himself,� Harry said. �Or maybe I�ll
have longer; he did seem to think that the time when Voldemort might attack was
a little uncertain. But the decision�s made now, and I just wish it was over
with.�

�� Draco knew
he had to stay, then. Granger and Weasley talked to Harry more, but it was
about unimportant things, as if they could affect the fate of the war now. They
finally left, and Harry sighed and leaned against Draco.

�� Do you
know how much strength you give me?� he whispered to Draco. �I�m becoming
friends with them again, but it�s still awkward. You know more about me right
now than they do.� He was playing with Draco�s fingers.

�� Always, Draco thought but didn�t say; he
didn�t plan to give up his place as Harry�s confidant, no matter how sensitive
Granger and Weasley might seem sometimes. He raked his fingers through Harry�s
hair in answer, and said, �I wish you didn�t have to do this.�

�� Harry
didn�t respond.

�� He had no
right to make you face that decision,� Draco continued. �You�ve been through
too much already.�

�� Harry
shrugged his shoulder against Draco�s. �I don�t think I�m really real to him,
sometimes,� he said. �I�m someone he has to use and think about and maybe kill,
but I�m not real.� He laughed, and the sound was so bitter Draco turned his
head to smother Harry�s lips in a kiss. But Harry went on speaking when the
kiss was done. �He claims he cares for me. I wonder what he would have done if
he didn�t care for me?�

�� Draco said
nothing. He had wanted to speak the secret burning inside him earlier�it was
the main reason he had wanted to wait until they were alone, in fact�but now he
thought it would only hurt Harry to hear that he thought Dumbledore was getting
what he deserved.

�� He snogged
Harry instead, and sent him back to Gryffindor Tower full of smiles and at
least resignation if not happiness, and then he went down to brew potions in
the dungeon with Professor Snape. The professor had found him and given him the
message earlier.

�� There were
certain potions that could protect Harry if Dumbledore changed his mind and
tried to kill him after all. Professor Snape planned to brew them all and had
invited Draco to help him.

�� Sorry, Harry, Draco thought, as he
nodded to the professor and began to chop up the leaves of wolfsbane. I wish I could trust him as much as you do.
But I�m not Gryffindor, and I�m not that forgiving.

*

�� polka dot:
He doesn�t want to. He�s uneasy with the attention he does get.

�� k lave
demo: Thanks!

�� The Meander
story actually is mine, written (obviously) under a different name. At the
time, I was trying to figure out what the hell kind of stories I wanted to
write, and also trying to get a handle on Draco. That story has a lot of
elements I don�t like anymore and a few scenes I�m still proud of.

�� SP777:
Thanks!

�� And this is
a plot twist I�ve been planning for a while.

�� Madamdragon:
Thanks!

�� Sneakyfox:
Severus would agree with you.

�� anciie:
Thanks! One final battle, coming up, which was part of the reason for the
filler.

�� KadyRae: I
think Dumbledore just is that kind of person, and you could argue about whether
it�s because he�s arrogant, or thinks he�s the only one who can be trusted with
the fate of the world, or what. Doesn�t stop him from doing it.
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Practicing Liars