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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
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LOST AND DAMNED

Call It Desperation

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Harry dreamed of fire and passion that night. He dreamed of Nott following him into Severus's office and pinning Harry to the wall and kissing him and touching him some more. And Severus would storm in from his rooms and hurl hexes and curses at Nott until he moved away from Harry. Severus then moved forward and pressed Harry into the wall, kissing him just as hard and possessively as he had last night. He bit and sucked hard on Harry's neck, mumbling that Harry belonged to him and that he needed to make sure people understood that. Nott stood up after that and tried to curse Severus, but Severus easily deflected the curse back upon Nott without even looking, without hardly moving away from Harry. He only stopped long enough to curse Nott some more before forcing him to watch as he bent Harry over his desk and fucked him, assuring Harry that no one else would ever have him and threatening Nott at the same time.

When Harry woke up, he heard a quiet chuckle and an amused voice muttering "Teenagers," under his breath. Still caught somewhere between sleep and being awake, he snuggled closer to the warm body beside him, trying to keep the image alive as long as possible. Arms tightened securely around him and he felt lips pressing against the top of his head. "Are you having a good dream, Harry?" Severus asked and Harry wasn't really sure if it was dream Severus or the real Severus…Or maybe it was both. "Mhm," he mumbled sleepily with a lazy smile, rubbing his hips firmly against the solid object he was pressed against, moaning quietly at the friction provided.

Severus snorted. "Potter, wake up and cease humping my leg this instant."

"No," Harry mumbled, still not entirely aware of himself. He just knew that it felt good and he liked his dream and he didn't want any of it to stop. He moved his leg over the body beside him causing Severus to sigh heavily and mutter under his breath.

The next second, Harry found himself jolted away as Severus rolled over on top of him, chuckling quietly at Harry's gasp of surprise. Green eyes blinked open in surprise, looking up at the smirking figure of Severus Snape on top of him, pressing their hips together. Harry moaned, suddenly aware of the feel of Severus's arousal against his own. This was better than when Harry had felt it yesterday, only the thin fabric of their underwear separating them. Severus rocked his hips slowly against Harry's who eagerly bucked back up against him. He moaned quietly at the feel of long fingers running through his hair, then tugging lightly, Severus pulling him forward a bit to meet his lips, kissing him deeply. Instinctively he reached up to grip Severus's shoulders tightly, shifting his hips and legs a bit for a better position to thrust up against Severus. After a few more seconds of their slower pace, though, Harry grew impatient and reached down boldly to grab Severus's hips, pressing his hips up eagerly, moving anxiously against him.

Severus chuckled and complied with the unspoken command, resting his arms on either side of Harry, moving his lips down to trail across his jaw while his hips picked up their pace, rubbing their cocks together at a quicker speed that Harry still couldn't quite be happy with, feeling the constant need for more. He wrapped his legs around Severus's hips and used his legs to pull the man along with him. Severus just chuckled and began licking and kissing his neck. "Impatient as ever, Potter," he murmured against his skin.

"Fuck," Harry moaned, fingers tightening on Severus's sides. It was amazing what the sound of that man's voice could do to him, sending pleasurable trembles through his body.

"You can never just stop…and enjoy…anything," Severus whispered, flicking his tongue against Harry's earlobe while Harry continued thrusting erratically against him, chasing his pleasure enthusiastically.

Harry could have told him that he was enjoying it just fine, but all he could do was moan loudly, feeling his pleasure rushing over him quickly, gripping Severus tightly as his orgasm overtook him. He could feel Severus's erection against his leg, moving against him as Harry slumped back against the bed, struggling to catch his breath. He rubbed his hands over his face a moment before looking up at Severus, smiling when he saw the man staring down at him, such a dark and pleasured look in his eyes as he stared down at him, groaning quietly as Harry pressed his leg more firmly between Severus's legs, watching his face in fascination, holding that dark gaze, unwilling to look away. Harry licked his lips, feeling a warm tingling sensation deep within him in response to the look Severus was giving him. Those black eyes flickered away from his, only to watch the movement of his tongue. The moment it slipped back into Harry's mouth, Severus swooped down and kissed him deeply. Only a few seconds later he felt Severus stiffen against him, a quiet, strangled groan leaving his throat.

Severus pulled his lips away as his body relaxed and he looked down at Harry with such a strange look in his eyes, frowning slightly. "You really need to learn how to control your hormones, Potter," he said quietly, rolling over to stretch out on his side beside Harry. Harry rolled over to face him.

"You're the one who pounced on me," he reminded him with a teasing grin.

"After you started humping my leg," Severus replied.

"I was sleeping!" Harry defended himself, face turning a bit red.

"So what were you dreaming about to inspire such molestation?" Severus inquired curiously.

"Nott," Harry replied, trying to bite back his grin. It was impossible when Severus glared dangerously at him. "He was getting all gross again and you came in and cursed him a bit and then fucked me over your desk."

Severus smirked and raised his eyebrow. "Really?"

"It was pretty hot," Harry confessed with a shrug. "I couldn't help myself."

"You could have," Severus told him. "But, as I said, control is something you will have to learn."

"Why on the earth would you want me to control myself?" Harry asked with a grin.

"I have better things to do than being jumped by a teenager at all hours of the day," Severus replied with a snort.

"Well," Harry said, "that's no fun."

"I assure you, Potter, I've survived well enough in life without dealing with sex-obsessed teenagers and their hormones," Severus said with a smirk.

"I think you've been missing out," Harry told him, snuggling closer to him.

"Of course you would," Severus said, pressing his lips to Harry's forehead before sitting up. "Speaking of your uncontrollable hormones…I believe we could both do with a shower."

"Together?" Harry asked with a grin.

Severus only quirked an eyebrow and slipped out of bed, Harry eagerly running after him.

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The pair enjoyed a nice, long, hot shower together. Harry had never enjoyed a shower more…He really got a good chance to explore Severus's nude body, running his hands over his wet skin. He explored every scar, every mole, every inch of his pale skin. Severus seemed just as happy to return the favor and it felt nice…There was nothing overly sexual about their exploring, only taking joy in studying one another. Harry, perhaps, had a bit too much fun fondling Severus's flaccid cock, enjoying the feel of the soft member in his hand. Severus tried to bat his hand away a few times, and Harry could tell he felt a bit awkward with it, but he couldn't help himself and Severus eventually gave up trying to stop him. They spent a good bit of extra time kissing, Harry's back pressed against the shower wall, water falling over them and between them as they kissed languidly. There was something very enjoyable about the slow pace and with no raging need spurring them on, Harry felt he could better appreciate every touch to and from his lover.

Eventually, Severus reluctantly suggested they get out and head to breakfast. Harry didn't want to get out, but Severus magically turned their warm water icy cold and Harry quickly jumped out of the shower shivering. Severus was dressed and out the door within minutes, probably to avoid temptation to remain in the rooms all day and Harry eventually accepted the fact that he at least needed to be seen and he very well knew he couldn't handle being locked away in the dungeons all holiday.

Everyone was already leaving when Harry went downstairs and Harry was stopped several times to say goodbye to his classmates before making it into the strangely empty Great Hall. Most of the teachers were present, but only a handful of students. Only Hermione and two second years sat at the Gryffindor table…There was only one girl from Huffelpuff staying, and she was sitting at the Ravenclaw table with the group of five that remained from that House. There were a bit more Slytherins, though most of them were younger and the only one Harry recognized was Draco. Draco sat with his back to him and Harry was tempted to go talk to him, but he figured he needed to see Hermione more than anything. She didn't seem too upset as Harry approached, but that didn't always mean anything.

His good mood from last night and this morning's activities were overruled by anxiousness as he drew closer to Hermione, not really sure what to expect. He sat down cautiously beside her, not taking it as a good sign when she didn't immediately look up to greet him.

"Morning, Mione," Harry said casually.

"Oh, good morning, Harry," Hermione said, her voice a bit too enthusiastic and high pitched.

"Sorry for leaving last night…Nott was on my back and…yeah," Harry explained uncomfortably.

"Oh, that's fine," Hermione said, poking at her eggs.

When she didn't say anything for another few minutes, Harry shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "So…uh…how was last night?"

"It was fine!" Hermione said, taking a long drink of her pumpkin juice.

"Hermione, what happened?" Harry asked.

"Nothing. Just…enjoyed the party," Hermione said.

Harry sighed. "I saw him kiss you."

Her fake smile faded and Hermione looked very pale for a moment before shaking her head. "There was a mistletoe," she said stiffly.

Harry sighed and looked around, not sure what to do now. He picked up a sausage and nibbled on it, figuring he'd drop it for now. Hermione seemed to be handling it well enough and she would talk to him if she really wanted to.

"He said there was a mistletoe and so he kissed me," Hermione said after a few minutes. She cleared her throat before continuing. "He told me he missed me and that…he had feelings for me."

"He did?"

"Mhm," Hermione said, not moving her eyes from her plate of food.

"And…do you still have feelings for him?" Harry asked.

"I…don't know, actually," Hermione replied. Harry nodded his head, not entirely sure what to say to her. "Ron asked me out around Christmastime last year, you know," she said quietly, voice a bit shaky.

"Oh…yeah…" Harry said, looking away when he noticed the tears in her eyes. All remnants of this morning's good mood were gone now and Harry swallowed hard, suddenly overcome by that sadness and that strong feeling that something was missing…Ron's absence once again very noticeable between them both.

Hermione cleared her throat again and sat up a bit straighter. "So…Did you stay with him last night? Neville said you weren't in the dorms when he woke up."

"Uh, yeah…I did," Harry admitted.

"So…What happened?" she asked, plastering another excited smile on her face, pleading in her brown eyes that told him she was eager to think about anything else.

"I'd like to know that, too, actually."

Hermione's eyes grew wide and Harry turned to see that Draco had appeared behind them. He stood more awkwardly than Harry could remember seeing him, as thought not entirely certain he should even be near them. He stood as tall and dignified as ever, though, forcing confidence and strength in the same manner Hermione seemed to be doing.

"Well…Why don't we go take a walk, then? And Harry can tell us there…Away from eavesdroppers," she suggested in a strained tone.

Harry and Draco both looked surprised and Hermione ignored it, reluctantly standing up. Harry followed suit and walked in between them both out of the Great Hall. The silence was tense as they walked out onto the grounds, heading out to the tree they had sat under many times when they were all still friends. They both managed to sit as far away from each other as possible without it seeming too weird and the moment they sat, both Hermione and Draco pestered him eagerly for details.

He started from the moment Nott started his unwanted attentions to his and Severus's shower that morning, even going so far as to include his dream (though only after being bugged to no end by Draco about it). It was a bit uncomfortable talking about such personal details, especially considering it was his first real sexual experience with anyone. It was easy to get caught up in the memories, though, and he found those moments of getting lost in his descriptions that were the most embarrassing. Hermione and Draco were eager, though, to hear all about it.

"Damn Dumbledore," Draco had said about being interrupted the night before. "It's like he just knows, isn't it? He was probably watching so he'd know the perfect moment to frustrate you both."

"That's disgusting," Harry had said, the very thought of Dumbledore watching the sexual activities of his students more disturbing than anything he could think of.

"Oh wow," Hermione had said, giggling and blushing when Harry described the events of that morning.

"That's really hot, considering you're both men," Draco had said with a sly grin.

"So do you think you'll do anything…more?" Hermione asked when Harry finished, still blushing.

"I don't know if that's the only time he'll touch me, but…I don't know if he'd be willing to go further than we have already. He seemed kind of weird after we did it, like he couldn't believe he had just done it," Harry explained.

"You'll just have to convince him, Potter," Draco said. "My godfather needs to get laid, you know. Maybe we'll wrap you up completely naked and leave you in his bed as his Christmas present."

"I don't' want to see Harry naked," Hermione giggled. "No offense."

"I don't want anyone to see me naked," Harry agreed. "Anyone but Severus, that is."

"Good. I don't think he'd like it very much otherwise," Draco said. "So, how big is Severus, anyway?"

"Sorry?" Harry asked, though he was afraid he had a pretty good idea of what Draco meant.

"His dick," Draco said.

"Draco, that's your godfather!" Hermione exclaimed, eyes wide. Sickeningly enough, she looked curious, as well.

"So?" Draco said. "Well, what is it, Potter?"

"I didn't exactly measure it," Harry muttered.

"You should have," Draco grinned. "Is he big?"

"I don't know. Big enough, I guess…I haven't exactly seen a lot of cocks to know what big is," Harry said, horrified by how hot his face and neck felt. "I thought you said you weren't gay."

"I'm not," Draco assured him. "I'm naturally a curious being."

"Naturally a pervert," Harry said.

"Yes, well," Draco said with a grin. "Did it at least seem big to you?"

"Erm…Yeah…I s'pose," Harry replied.

"Bigger than yours?"

"Shut up, Draco."

Draco grinned, seemingly enjoying making Harry and Hermione uncomfortable. "We're all friends here. Surely we can feel comfortable enough talking about sex."

"You talk about your sex life then," Harry mumbled.

"Ah, I haven't had a real sex life in a while," Draco said with a frown. "I'm normally too busy wanking thinking about Granger over here. No other girls compare to what I imagine your naked body to look like."

Harry's eyes grew wide and he gaped at his best friend. Had he really just said that? There was a wicked gleam in his gray eyes to match his mischievous smirk, but Harry could tell by his posture and the way he wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs that he wasn't as confident and relaxed as he was trying to pretend to be. He watched Hermione a bit too closely as she stared wide eyed at him, laughing nervously.

"You are disgusting!" Hermione exclaimed, voice high and sounding panicked and offended and disgusted, and even a bit pleased, Harry thought. He wasn't sure how she was really feeling and honestly he wasn't surprised if she was feeling everything in the world.

"I was trying to pay you a compliment," Draco assured her. "I figured saying 'Hermione's the only one I want' sounded a bit too corny and romantic, so I opted for sounding like a jerk-off instead. Appeases the masculinity a bit more."

He was really being forward, wasn't he? Harry had to wonder if Hermione had confessed to Draco her own feelings last night. He wasn't sure why else Draco would be so…blunt about things. Harry glanced from Draco up to Hermione's stunned face.

"I…Well…" Hermione said, seeming flustered. "That is not a really proper way to speak to a person. Besides, there's no one around here for you to impress by being a prat."

"True," Draco said, sounding calm, though the pink in his cheeks betrayed him. "Very well. I have a hard time shagging other girls because the only girl I want to shag is you, Hermione."

Hermione glared at him and Draco laughed, reddening further. "Well, as much as I wouldn't mind shagging you…I do like you, Hermione. There, I said it."

"Well," Hermione said, looking as though she was having quite the struggle as she scrambled up to her feet.

"Well?" Draco pressed.

"Well! You should work on how you speak to women if you want me so badly," Hermione said, spinning around and marching off.

Harry watched her until she was a tiny speck in the distance before turning to face Draco. "What the bloody hell was that?"

"Desperation, my friend. That was desperation," Draco sighed, letting his head hit the tree trunk behind him hard.

Harry thought stupid was a better word, but decided not to push it.

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While Harry spent time with his friends, Severus returned to his rooms from breakfast to quite the surprise. Dobby the house elf was standing on top of his bookshelf, hanging Christmas decorations. Severus stood frozen in the doorway, staring wide eyed at his rooms. The ceilings held more than enough mistletoe for Severus to feel comfortable and hastily found a spot on the floor that didn't have him standing under the stuff. Green, red, silver, and gold streamers and tinsel hung on the walls and from the ceiling. Colorful Christmas lights hung all along the edge of the walls, close to the ceiling and close to the floor and all around the doorframes. A Christmas wreath hung on his bedroom door. Worst of all there was a Christmas tree standing by his fireplace, standing so tall that the tip was bent and pressed against the ceiling. A star somehow managed to cling to the tip and the whole thing was glittering with ornaments and more lights and tinsel and candy canes.

"What the bloody hell is this?" Severus growled.

Dobby the house elf jumped around and fell right off of the bookcase, though he stood up easily after landing. "Dobby is decorating for Christmas!"

"Why…on earth…are you decorating my rooms?" Severus demanded.

"Because Harry Potter is staying here, sir! And Dobby wants to make Christmas perfect for Harry Potter!" Dobby announced.

Despite his urge to strangle the creature in front of him, Severus stood entirely frozen, gawking at the gaudy decorations. For Harry. Doubtless the brat would enjoy this. He was a sentimental fool who would want to celebrate Christmas, of course, and would probably love this silly set up. That alone was the reason Severus refrained from slaughtering the creature that Severus knew Harry to be on friendly terms with. Severus swallowed hard and glared in disgust at the room. "It's a bit much," he said simply.

"Dobby still has another two boxes of decorations!" Dobby exclaimed his wide eyes growing even wider.

Severus just stared at him, many insults easily on the tip of his tongue. He struggled for a moment with the idea of playing nice before finally managing something civil. "I am certain that Potter will appreciate the hard work and foolish gestures, but I will not live in this ridiculously festive hellhole," he said stiffly. "You may leave some of it, but take down at least half of this…junk." The house elf looked miffed so Severus quickly added, "I think Harry would like it much better."

"Dobby shall fix it, then!" the house elf said merrily and Severus sat in his chair, watching closely as the elf took down some of the decorations, mostly needed guidance from Severus until the room was acceptable. Only three spots in the room had mistletoe now and the lights remained on the walls and the tree still stood (though a shrinking charm made it a reasonable height). Only a few of the Slytherin and Gryffindor colored streamers hung on the ceiling and the place actually looked somewhat decent. Still a bit too festive in Severus's mind, but not as bad as it had been. Dobby looked like he had intended every inch of every room to be covered in something.

"Dobby is thinking Harry Potter will like his surprise!" Dobby said happily.

"I am sure he will," Severus said dully.

"Is there anything else Harry Potter might like?" Dobby asked hopefully.

Severus sighed heavily.

Ten minutes later, every inch of the coffee table was covered. Trays and bowls of various snacks stood there with a few bottles of butterbeer, wine, and firewhiskey in the middle. Severus had a mug of coffee in his hands, eying Dobby until he finally finished setting it up before grinning and bidding goodbye before disappearing. Taking a sip of the bitter coffee, he picked up his book and picked up where he left off, deciding to ignore the eyesores that covered his home and focus instead on his story while he had some peace and quiet.

When Harry arrived two hours later, the drinks and ice cream were still cold and the pies still warm due to various charms Severus had thought to put on them. Almost immediately he felt very uncomfortable as Harry stopped and looked around the place. He did want Harry to be happy, but doing nice deeds for others was still such a foreign concept to him and it was hard to look into the boy's face, almost as afraid of his excitement as he was the idea of disappointment and rejection.

"Whoa," Harry said. "Erm…Severus?"

"Yes?" he asked, without tearing his eyes away from his book.

"Um…I don't know how to tell you this. But there are Christmas decorations…everywhere," Harry said.

"I assure you, Potter, that I am not blind," Severus said, still not putting down his book, though he could hardly pay attention to the words anymore.

"Oh," said Harry. "Well…It um…Looks nice in here."

"Hmm," Severus said, despising how nervous he felt.

Harry walked over and sat on the couch, the end closest to where Severus sat on his chair. Severus did his best to acknowledge nothing, though the awkwardness was palpable. Harry kept shifting nervously where he sat, seeming unable to find a comfortable position. After several long, torturous minutes, he spoke. "So…uh…Did Dobby do this?"

"You didn't put him up to it, did you?" Severus asked, wondering how Harry had known. Then again, Severus wasn't sure who else would be that goddamn stupid.

"No!" Harry said quickly. "Only…I-"

"It looks a lot better than it did. He looked ready to cover every bit of the space with something. I had him fix it up to make it look decent," Severus said.

"Oh," Harry said, sounding surprised. "Oh…um…well…"

"Do shut up, Potter," Severus grumbled, wishing he had strangled Dobby and removed every last inch of 'Christmas cheer' from the room. He couldn't help feeling a bit embarrassed by the whole ordeal.

Harry stood up and walked over to him, pulling down his book and leaning in to kiss Severus deeply. "Mistletoe. I couldn't resist," Harry explained with a sheepish grin, glancing upwards. Severus could have sworn there wasn't anything over his chair…Unless the brat had used magic to move it himself. Severus didn't mind so much and instead watched Harry as he plopped back down on the couch and reached over onto the table to grab a cookie. "So…Are there going to be any Christmas carols?"

"Don't push it."

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Lost and Damned