Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Amore et Amicitia	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Sirius/James Views: 6685 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 44
- 45
- 46
AN: Thank you to all my reviews! :) I am so grateful to all of you! The reason Remus seems so cold is that in Canon he is extremely practical, he doesn’t seem like the type to allow emotion to cloud judgement and he knows that Sirius and James’ relationship could potentially harm them. He is there for them, he just thinks that they will be better off if they weren’t together...it’s his own way of caring I suppose. :p Hope that clears it up for you.

This chapter was a bastard to write, lol. I have been agonising over a way to make this non-canon story-line fit into canon without making people cheat on people as it’s been done to death. So, this is what I came up with, I am playing heavily upon Lily’s Kindness which is stated several times in Canon. I have a feeling she would be self-deprecating in her attempts to help the people she loves. Anyways, please enjoy, I hope my solution is to your liking. :)

Chapter forty-five: Quidquid erit (Come what May)

Dumbledore gazed at the four students before him, his blue eyes lingering on Sirius for a fraction of a second longer than the others. He placed his finger tips against one another and watched their determination over the tops of them. “And you all wish to join my little group?” He asked clearly, he had to ensure they were certain of this commitment.

“As does Lily but she’s helping Flitwick at the moment and couldn’t come with us.” James said as he leaned forward in his chair. “Sir, with all due respect, I can swear by Remus, Peter and Sirius. They’re all willing to die for the greater good, as am I.”

Dumbledore sighed and a sudden sadness entered his face, it made him look older. “Do not be so quick to throw your lives away, you’re all so very young and I cannot say that I am happy in accepting your help...unfortunately our situation is dire.” He stood and began pacing for a moment. “The group I am assembling will be called the Order of the Phoenix, we will make it our mission to prevent Voldemorts total takeover of the Ministry and protect as many innocent lives as we can. We will be working closely with the Auror’s however we are separate from the Ministry. We cannot know who is compromised so I will ensure we remain free from the institution.”

James’ eyes lit up. “Does this mean that you’ll let us help?”

“It does, James.” Dumbledore smiled softly. “When you leave this school and have passed your exams I shall welcome your help.”

“Brilliant!” James grinned.

Sirius put one arm around himself and gazed out the window, he felt strange to commit himself to something when all he had ever seen in his future was a dark cloud...now it was only black. He sighed quietly and felt a hand on his arm, looking up he saw James smiling at him. “I’m ok, James.” He said hoarsely, he smiled.

“There is only one concern I have.” Dumbledore said, his eyes on Sirius, he looked grave. “Are you truly prepared to face members of you family in potentially fatal combat?”

Sirius blew hair from his eyes and stood up, he moved to the window and looked out over the grounds of his beloved Hogwarts. “I’ve wanted revenge for as long as I can remember...” He said quietly. “For the misery they put me in, for the torture and abuse.”

“This goes far beyond personal revenge, Sirius.” Albus said from behind Sirius.

He turned around and looked about the room. “I know. But there will always be personal reasons involved...I can’t say that the prospect of potentially killing my brother is particularly exciting but I will do it. I will do for no other reason than that I wish to by James’ side.” He smiled softly. “I want to protect him.”

Dumbledore revealed a brief look of doubt before covering it easily. “Very well then, I will welcome you.”

XXX

Later Sirius sat in the window casement in their dorm, he pulled a blanket around his shoulders and sighed as he leaned against the cold stone.

“How are you, Sirius?” James asked as he entered the room.

Sirius shrugged. “Fine I suppose...How did it go with Lily?”

“Good.” James replied, he had no wish to rub his relationship in Sirius’ face.

Slowly Sirius turned his head. “I won’t come between you...you know that, don’t you?”

James’ smile was sweet and soft. “I know, Siri, I know.”

XXX

When Sirius woke it was early morning, the sun had yet to rise and he moaned to himself. He had no idea what had woken him as he yawned and scrubbed his face with both hands. Slowly he blinked up at the canopy of his bed, then he heard it. A noise that made all the hairs on his body stand on end. He froze, lying rigid beneath his duvet as the definitive sounds of a girl moaning filled the room. He bit down on his lower lip.

“Oh...James...W-wait, we can’t...not here...”

“Shh, if you’re quiet no one will know.”

Sirius closed his eyes as James’ voice filled the room, he covered his eyes with his arms and tried not to listen but it was impossible.

“Oh Merlin, you’re so good...”

“James...”

James’ rough breathing, his voice layered with desire made Sirius’ body heat up. He shivered and tried to think of something else, it was so hard not to see that face filled with passion and pretend that those whispers were for him. Before he knew it his erection strained against his Pyjama bottoms. He reached down and adjusted it, trying to force it away. But those noises were far too distracting, he was shifting desperately as he fought for self control, it was agony beyond anything he had ever experienced as he listened to Lily and James make love. They were so close he could smell them and it made him sick, he shivered and curled up into a tight ball. He wished he could escape, but if he did he would alert them both to his wakeful state and that would cause issues. So, he lay in a ball and listened to the passionate whispers, they became increasingly more heated as the morning wore on.

It wasn’t long before James’ loud moans made him realise he was coming. Sirius half opened his eyes and gazed blankly at his bed curtains. He listened...and his heart jumped into his throat...

“Oh...oh fuck...S-Sirius!”

The silence was awful. Sirius lay perfectly still and he could hear nothing but his own rapid breathing, his heart hammered brutally in his chest. Sweat coated his palms as he gazed with wide eyes into the semi-darkness.

“W-What?”

“I-I...” James realised what he had said, he gazed down into those wide green eyes and felt a jolt of terror. Lily’s hair lay across the pillow in a cascade of red satin, her lips were slightly parted and her bare breasts moved beneath his chest as she regained her breath. “Lily I...”

“What did you just say?” She breathed, shock rendering her almost speechless.

James swallowed and slowly sat upright, the sheets piled around his waist and the room suddenly felt icy. She sat up and covered herself with a pillow. “I...I’m sorry...” He whispered. His hair was messy and his glasses absent. “Lily, forgive me...”

Lily closed her mouth as the shock receded, slowly she came to the realisation that there were no longer the soft sounds of snores from the other beds in the room. She frowned up at James, the man it had taken her long years to realise that she loved him, the man who had won her heart after so long and the man she was falling for with such intense rapidity it was terrifying. And she realised, slowly, that she would also never have him. The reason he wanted her was because it was expected that a man love a woman, that he marry a woman and start a family. It was expected that he was to be straight, and if he wasn’t? Well, she had been a part of the Magical world long enough to understand that Gay men and women were treated as less than dirt. Her lips pursed in an unconscious imitation of her sister. Slowly she lifted her hand and touched her lovers cheek, he looked terrified as he searched her face and she could see the guilt and utter confusion there. Slowly she let out a breath. “James Potter...” She whispered and smiled sadly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“T-Tell you?” James replied, a frown marring his face.

“That you’re in love with Sirius? That you only think you want me because that’s what’s expected of you?”

James’ eyes widened. “No! No it’s not...”

Lily laughed softly and kissed him on his cheek. “I understand, James. I understand and it hurts, of course it does but I want you to be happy and if that means letting you go I will.” Her smile widened as James’ eyes did, his mouth dropped open. “Look, why don’t we make a deal?” She said slowly.

“D-Deal?”

“Yes. A mutual agreement. I am more than happy to let you be with Sirius, if that is what will make you happy, however...” She looked away for a moment before returning her eyes to James’. “You let me see whoever I wish as well.”

XXX

Remus held his breath, his fingers gripped the bed sheet with such ferocity the fabric was tearing. He felt a fluttering of excited hope in his stomach, his breathing was rapid as he considered all the implications of what Lily was saying. Finally he rolled onto his side and curled into a tight ball. He closed his eyes and remembered it all...

She was smiling sweetly at him as they stood beneath the mistletoe, the library was empty as it was about to close but for some reason Remus’ feet refused to obey him. He swallowed nervously. He was fourteen, he had kissed many girls before, why was standing with Lily Evans making his hands slippery with sweat? “So...shouldn’t we be g-going?” He muttered, his eyes sliding away from hers.

Lily gazed at him and took his hand in hers. “Remus? I...I was wandering what you think of me?”

Remus blushed furiously and frowned. James was in love with her, his best friend was in love with her, he shouldn’t even be touching her! “I-I...I think you’re...very...erm...nice...”

Lily arched her eyebrow and smirked. “Nice? Is that it?” Her laughter was as clear as a bell. “Remus? I’ve liked you for a year.” She said simply.

Remus felt guilt twist his insides and he pulled away from her hands. “No.” He whispered and winced at his tone. “I’m sorry, Lily...this...us...it can never happen. There are too many things...too much going on that I-we...no. I’m sorry...forgive me...” He turned but Lily grabbed his wrist.

“Remus, why are you so reluctant?” She asked softly.

“I-I...” He couldn’t look at her so he hung his head. He did like her, she was pretty and so, so kind it made his heart expand with joy. He was helpless against her smile and sweetness, but they could never pursue a relationship. James was his best friend, James loved her...and Remus was a Werewolf. Werewolves didn’t mate. Werewolves were doomed to spend their whole lives in seclusion, he was dangerous...an animal. He could hurt her, he could never have a family...he wouldn’t turn her into something as ugly as himself. He disengaged his fingers from her grip and briefly, like a butterfly landing on a flower, he kissed her on the lips. “I’m sorry.” He whispered and turned, he fled the room. He fled the castle until he was stood beneath the creaking roof of the shack where he dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around his stomach, he bowed his head to the floor and closed his eyes against the cavern of loss, helplessness and soul crushing loneliness.

James gathered his wits and slowly spoke. “Who?” He whispered softly. “Who is it you really want, Lily?”

Lily smiled sadly. “Someone who doesn’t want me.” She said and sighed. “I love you James, I really do, but this other person is...he’s special in a way that I could never-”

“Remus.” James said quietly. “You’re in love with Remus.”

Lily’s eyes widened and she flushed. “H-How?”

James smiled and chuckled. “He’s special. He’s amazing.” He shrugged. “And you spend a lot of time together.” His smile faded and his eyes darkened. “But Lily, you have to understand that he’s...he’s got some issues.”

“I know...he’s sick.” Lily muttered as she pushed hair from her face.

James said nothing, only gazed at her in pity. He knew why Remus had never mentioned it, of course, he had suspected something was going on in his brain to do with Lily, but he had never suspected it had escalated to something so passionate. He wished with all his heart that Remus would release his whole; ‘I’m a monster and don’t deserve happiness’ deal, he wanted him to be happy. However, he wasn’t stupid enough to believe that Remus would allow himself to fall in love when he could so easily rip a partner to shreds or pass on his condition. “I’m sorry.” He said and kissed Lily gently. “I guess both of us are fucked up.” He chuckled weakly. “Me, in love with a beautiful girl and my best friend...unable to choose between them and you...”

“In love with a man who refuses to get close to anyone except you and Sirius.” Lily responded with a sad sigh.

“The only question is...what do we do?” James said quietly, he frowned down at his hands as he held Lily’s. “Sirius and I...can’t be more than friends. If we anyone ever found out we’d be burnt alive. And You...” He looked up into her eyes and sighed. “Remus can’t or more likely won’t be with you because he’s...sick.”

“Is he...dying?”

James had to stop himself from laughing, he bit down on his tongue. “No. It’s just very contagious.”

Lily frowned and turned her head in the direction of Remus’ bed, she couldn’t see him but she could almost sense that he was awake. “Contagious?” She whispered.

Remus covered his face with both hands, Lily was far too intelligent not to work that out. She was smarter than anyone else he knew and as sharp as a knife. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, almost willing her to work it out for herself, it would certainly ease the responsibility of having to tell her himself.

James watched Lily’s face, his own full of sadness as she fitted the pieces together, slowly her face fell and her eyes widened. Her hands shook slightly as she swallowed nervously, she turned her beautiful eyes to James’ and gaped at him. “He’s a...he’s a Werewolf?” She whispered.

James sighed and closed his eyes, he nodded slowly. “Yeah, he is. He can’t breed, he won’t take a permanent mate...Lily, he’s terrified of hurting anyone to the point where Sirius, Peter and I had to force ourselves into his secrets.”

Lily blinked. “What do you mean?” Her voice was faint as she was still reeling over the discovery.

“We became unregistered Animagus to help ease Remus’ transformations. Every month we all go out to the Shrieking shack to change, then we enter the woods even sometimes going to Hogsmeade itself.”

Lily gazed at James in a whole new light. She had always taken him for an arrogant somewhat uncaring bully, but now she was hearing the true James. The one who would go to any length to protect those he loved, the one who would walk through fire just to protect his loved ones. James Potter watched her carefully, gauging her reaction. “You...You’re different to what I had expected.” She said with a smile. It didn’t take much of a stretch of the imagination to see him as a Husband and father, he was the perfect family man. Her smile widened. “I have a plan, James. If you’re willing?”

“Let’s hear it.” He said warily.

Lily smiled brightly and held his hands in her own. “There is a way in which you can be with Sirius and not arouse suspicion.” She said. “You can marry me.”

James’ eyes widened, registering shocked confusion. “Huh?”

She laughed. “Marry me and you can do whatever you want to, so long as you’re discreet and you can keep up the pretence of a happy, loving marriage you can have your cake and eat it. I’m just going to ask you one thing...”James nodded slowly, still trying to digest what was happening. “I want you to give me a baby.”

XXX

Sirius let his breath out in a rush of air, he hadn’t realised he had been holding it until he had begun to feel light headed. He sat bolt upright and flung back his curtain, he ran over to James’ bed and yanked the curtains so hard they fell off. He stood there, panting heavily and staring at the pair with wide eyes. He was bare chested, the hair on it sparse. He licked his lips, eyes flicking from James to Lily and back again. “What?” He gasped, unable to articulate what it was he was feeling.

Lily looked up at him and smiled. “We’re going to pretend we are a normal family.” She said. Sirius’ stare made her slightly uncomfortable until suddenly he jumped on her, his strong arms surrounding her in a tight embrace.

“I fucking love you, Evans!” He breathed.

James watched as Sirius released Lily enough to gaze into her face, she was blushing furiously, apparently even she wasn’t totally immune to Sirius’ exceptional looks. She gazed up at him looking half way between confused and amused. Sirius leaned down and planted a kiss on her lips, it was soft and tender and when he drew away he pressed his forehead to hers. “You’re beautiful.” He said with a grin.

“I-I...Thanks...I think...”

Sirius released her and turned silver grey eyes to James, they looked at each other for a long time. “Is this...is this what you want, Jamie?” Sirius asked, he didn’t want to force James into something he didn’t want to do, but he also couldn’t stop the faint hint of desperate longing entering his voice. His eyes flicked over James’ face, trying to gauge what he was thinking.

Suddenly James grinned, a bright, sunlit expression that filled the room with light. James reached for Sirius and dragged him close, without another thought he closed the distance and kissed him. His fingers tangled in Sirius’ hair and their tongues met between their lips, Sirius shivered and wrapped his arms around James’ neck. “I love you Sirius Black.” He whispered as they pulled away for air. “I’ll always love you.”

Sirius laughed brightly and pressed his forehead to James’. “You’re an idiot, Potter.” His voice caught but he couldn’t stop smiling.

Lily watched them together and realised that she didn’t regret her decision, the arrangement was perfect. She smiled softly at the endearing scene, glad that Sirius was gay and hadn’t seemed to notice she was naked. She felt eyes on her and slowly turned to see Remus watching her from the shadows of his own bed, his eyes were soft and he smiled sweetly. Slowly she wrapped a sheet around herself and stood, James and Sirius were so wrapped up in each other that they didn’t notice her go. She began picking up her clothes but before she could go to the bathroom to change she felt a hand on her arm, the touch was hesitant and gentle. She didn’t turn around but she paused as those fingers trailed up her bare arm. “I’m sorry, Lily.” Remus whispered softly. “We won’t...we can’t...”

“I know, Remus.” Lily replied and sighed heavily. “I know.”

END NOTE: The RemusXLily pairing is taken from something Remus says in Canon, he mentions that Lily was there for him when no one else was, to me this suggested a deeper, more meaningful relationship so I simply embellished it from Freindship to something more... :D Hope you like.
- 44
- 45
- 46
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Amore et Amicitia