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You Will Not Kiss Me	By : Prosperosdaughter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 22836 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
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Chapter 46: Dark Reunion

The curse lasted only minutes, but Snape's whole body was on fire with agony. When he was released from the curse, it coruscated throughout his nerve endings still. Snape was panting, on his hands and knees, trying to recover his breath to speak. The Dark Lord would expect his supplication, no matter how much pain he inflicted on him. Snape crawled to the Dark Lord's feet and, with violently trembling hands, picked up the hem of his robe and kissed it.

"My Lord ..." he managed to croak.

The Dark Lord stroked Snape's hair like a favoured pet. Snape knew it meant nothing.

"Where have you been, Severus? You are very late." His voice was calm, and all the more menacing for it.

"My Lord ... I felt your summons ... I waited for the old man to order me back to you ... to protect my position there ... for you ... where you installed me," he managed to gasp out haltingly.

"Waited for Dumbledore to order you back to me?" the Dark Lord hissed dangerously. Snape tensed himself for the curse.

It came. "Crucio!"

Applied this time to bend his bones rather than fry his nerves – every bone in his body felt on the point of shattering and every joint to the point of dislocation and, despite his deep Occlusion, he screamed. The Dark Lord Levitated him as he writhed in pain. The Dark Lord had always enjoyed looking at all angles of his work. He liked others to look upon his work too. Snape didn't know whether there were others there. His world only contained the all-encompassing pain he now felt until he was released from both spells and his body fell heavily, cutting open his forehead on the stony ground, and panting once more for breath.

"Sensible," the Dark Lord said conversationally, as if he had not just applied the torture curse to the man at all. "If I find you truthful, then I will need my spy on the old man. You were always very clever, Severus. Possibly too clever." The Dark Lord paced around Snape's jittering body as Snape managed to breathe once more.

"But you know you must learn your lesson Severus, as have the others." The Dark Lord gestured with his wand around himself.

"Yes, my Lord," Snape rasped, his head bowed. For the first time, Snape looked briefly to each side of himself, although it hurt his body to do it and his eyes were smarting. The assembled Death Eaters had also been punished. He understood: Potter had escaped and they would have paid the price for witnessing it. They were all on their knees in various states of post-Cruciatus tremens. The Dark Lord had regained his power: his followers would be the first to taste it.

As soon as he was physically able, Snape dragged himself onto his knees. He didn't have the luxury of time to recover fully. He knew what must follow now – what always followed the torture curse for him. He had prepared himself for it. Swaying slightly, he looked up into the Dark Lord's blood red eyes.

Legilimens!

The Dark Lord tore into Snape's mind. As always, there was neither pity nor mercy as he hacked and sliced to find the memories he required. Snape had prepared them all. All the answers to the questions to which he anticipated the Dark Lord would require answers: his obstruction of greedy and unworthy Quirrell in the pursuit of the Philosopher's Stone, protecting Potter at the insistence of the old man to keep his own protection from Azkaban and his belief that the Dark Lord had died until this year with the strengthening Dark Mark. He had let the Dark Lord see the real memory of his conversation with Karkaroff when the other stated his intention to flee and Snape's avowed intention to remain.

He had assembled these memories and concoctions from the moment he felt the Dark Mark burn. Years of experience of this type of dissembling paid off now. His true thoughts were wrapped in the black oblivion of his Occlumency barriers and – for now – they were intact. For one panic-stricken moment, he felt a weakness and knew it was the Memory Charm that had not yet been fully removed, but the danger passed. The Dark Lord had found what he wanted and he ripped his way out and, once more, Snape was left rasping for breath and shaking in the dirt, his head now also pounding in pain.

The Dark Lord glided away from Snape.

"Where is my most loyal servant? The architect of my re-birth? I had expected Barty to return to me by now so I may honour him," the Dark Lord enquired, his voice solicitous, courteous even.

"He was discovered, my Lord," Snape said, his head pounding, his body trembling as his nerves scorched still and his bones felt wracked. "The old man discovered him trying to despatch Potter on your behalf. The old man knows the full story now. He told Fudge." Snape took as deep a breath as his tortured body allowed, knowing he would bear the brunt of the Dark Lord's displeasure for what he was about to impart, possibly all of them would. "Barty was fed to a Dementor."

He saw the Dark Lord stop, no longer pacing around him and felt the thrum of the Dark Lord's magic pulse.

"CRUCIO!"

Like dominoes, each Death Eater fell screaming one by one to the Dark Lord's torture curse that finally fell on Snape himself, as his already scorched nerves inflamed once more and his voice joined the dissonant chorus of pain that rose and eventually fell as the Dark Lord released each Death Eater, satisfied that his displeasure was known.

"If I had more followers of his calibre and loyalty," the Dark Lord sneered, his own breathing heavy with the exertion of intention he had put into his torture curse, "our victory would be assured. As it is, I am surrounded by cretins and cowards," he spat. "It is ... regrettable."

Snape lay on the ground, pain violently coursing around his body. He wanted to curl in on himself and allow his muscles to contract as they wanted, but he could not show that kind of weakness. He silently prayed into the dirt that the curse would not be applied again: he was certain the damage would be irreversible if it were. He didn't think he could live with this pain for the rest of his life, however short that might be, his mind nudged.

"Get up! Get up! Get up!" the Dark Lord snapped. "I haven't finished with you yet, Severus. Tell me why I should allow you to serve me still."

Snape pulled himself back up to his knees, his hands braced on them so he wouldn't fall as he trembled violently.

"My Lord ..." Snape ventured weakly, even his voice tremulous now, "I believed you dead ... I am a poor servant ... an unintelligent fool ... not to have known that you could not have been killed by ... a simple curse rebounding. I should have scoured the earth for you. I am a suppliant at your feet ... I beg your forgiveness and ... deserve your scorn." He prostrated himself before the man again, and held the hem of his robes in his finger tips. It was a calculated gamble. He knew he would be severely punished now, but the Dark Lord's vanity would be appeased and Snape might yet live through this night.

"Yes, Severus. You have disappointed me, one of my cleverest. But I see you have been loyal. One final price to be paid, Severus. Then your fault will be forgiven."

He felt the magic recharging in the Dark Lord now, waiting to release itself onto him. He knew the forgiveness would come for his inaction and his lateness, but he also knew the price he would pay for it would be high. The price would be paid in blood: with the Dark Lord, the price was always paid in blood.

"Look at me, Severus!" the Dark Lord ordered. Snape wanted to die instead but forced himself to look up to the snake-like visage. The Dark Lord inclined his head, it was almost tender. He raised his wand in his delicate fingers. Snape's breath began to hitch. He recognised the wand movement as it formed.

Sectumsempra!

Snape stumbled through Dumbledore's Floo, blinded by pain and by blood in his eyes and heard a commotion of voices.

One he could discern was like a balm to his tortured nerves on hearing it.

"Severus!" Lupin shouted, catching the stumbling man in his arms. "Oh God, Severus, what has he done to you?" Lupin said hoarsely, taking in the tremble that coursed across Snape's body and feeling the stickiness of blood seeping through his clothes.

It was all Snape could manage to gasp Lupin's name, in more pain that he had ever been, his mind beyond agitated, daring to believe that he had convinced the Dark Lord of his fealty.

Dumbledore quickly took in the situation.

"Remus. You are uniquely equipped to help Severus quickly. Go now to his quarters. Let me know when all is well."

"What? Albus, what do you mean?" Whose was that voice? It was Black and he was confused and angry ... yes angry, Snape could tell even with his tenuous hold on consciousness. "Remus! What does this mean? How can you help Snivellus?"

"Sirius, sit down and do not interfere," Dumbledore commanded.

"I want to know what's going on!" Black demanded petulantly and Snape felt him grab Lupin's arm forcefully, trying to pull him away from Snape. "Moony!"

Then Snape heard three wondrous words from his lover that lifted his pained heart, as Lupin took hold of him again, and he would have paid galleons just to see Black's face.

"Sod off, Padfoot!"

oooOOOooo

Snape was passing in and out of consciousness rapidly. He wanted to be awake to see Lupin, but the pain was so bad; the worst it had ever been. The Dark Lord was back, and Snape realised that this pain would become part of his life once more, but now – now the Dark Lord seemed unhinged – even more than before.

"Come Severus," he heard Lupin say gently. "I'm taking you to the bathroom. I need to tend you."

He couldn't reply. He was so weak. The Cruciatus still chased across every one of his nerve endings and pushed at his bones. His head pounded where his mind had been savaged. Screams were no longer torn from his throat, but nothing else would come from his throat either, just his breathing ragged with pain.

Lupin gently spelled away Snape's clothes as Snape leaned heavily into Lupin. He heard Lupin curse foully. He knew the Dark Lord had cut him. Cut him with Snape's own cutting curse. How he rued the day he'd been that inventive. Lupin remembered the counter-curse that Snape had taught him for the ritual and he performed it now on every one of the deep slashes that covered Snape's back and chest, the backs and fronts of his thighs, his calves, and the soles of his feet. He heard Lupin almost sob his name as he did so. Then he felt Lupin gently wash the blood from him so he was clean.

The next thing he did, Snape had not expected, but when Lupin did it, Snape understood why Dumbledore had called it "unique".

Lupin laid over him and tongued the Claiming bite. He was going to heal him through his core. More gratefully than Lupin would ever know, Snape gradually lost his awareness of his unremitting agony and became enveloped in bliss.

For how long he was unaware, he did not know. When Lupin called him, it appeared to be dusk through his small window.

He was propped up against Lupin, who was still dressed and covered in Snape's dried blood. He held Snape with the lightest of touches and kissed him gently. Snape noted that Lupin looked quite worn out. He wondered for how long he had transferred his magical core to heal Snape. His head no longer hurt at all, the effects of the Cruciatus were just bearable now, and his cuts now just sore, no longer open and bleeding. Lupin Summoned some water for Snape and helped him to drink.

Snape went to speak, but his voice was gone and he was exhausted.

"Sleep now, Severus. We'll talk tomorrow." Snape's relief to be in Lupin's arms once more overwhelmed him and he wanted to tell him so, but ultimately his exhaustion was stronger.

oooOOOooo

He awoke to raised voices coming from the drawing room.

"No, Albus! He's not to be woken yet. I know you want to know what happened. I think we can all see that Severus was tortured within an inch of his life by Voldemort! We all know that much."

"Calm down, Remus, dear boy. I just need to speak to him."

"I'm sure one more day will make no difference to Voldemort's plans for magical world domination. When Severus is well enough to stand, you may see him, and not before."

Severus lay still, eyes staring at the ceiling. Had anyone ever said no on his behalf before, at all? Let alone Lupin to Dumbledore. He screwed his eyes shut and savoured the feeling. It was a revelation.

Lupin came in. "Sorry if we woke you, Severus," he said, smiling his small smile. He sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Snape's hair away from his face. "Do you think you could eat something?"

Lupin ordered some soup for them and helped Snape to eat his. He couldn't eat much, but he thought it was a miracle he could eat at all. When they'd finished, Lupin had taken him to the bathroom to bathe him gently, then returned him to bed and sat on the bed with him.

Snape asked Lupin to tell him what had happened to Potter in the graveyard. Lupin told him the whole story as Potter had recounted it to Dumbledore and Black in Dumbledore's office, and as Black had then recounted it to him.

Snape was horrified that the archaic Bone of my Father ritual had been used. He'd read a great deal about it. Certainly, the Dark Lord would take on some of Lily's protection but, as with all Dark Magic, Snape suspected it would leave some weakness also: there was always a price to be paid. He wondered what form that would take. He would look for it. Hopefully, they could exploit it.

He listened with interest to how the Dark Lord had received the Death Eaters. Well, his magnanimity hadn't lasted long once Potter had escaped, had it. But the meeting of the wands: now, that was interesting. The wands connected and Potter's had forced Priori Incantatem on the Dark Lord's wand because the wands shared a core – Fawkes's feathers. The nature of that Priori Incantatem intrigued Snape also. The Dark Lord had cast the killing curse at Potter, and his previous killing curses had been regurgitated – no other minor spells. The wands' cores were working quite precisely and specifically. Potter's parents' echoes, as well as the others, had bought the child time to escape. It was truly extraordinary.

Snape had studied some wand lore – it was an immensely interesting and arcane area of magic. He knew the Dark Lord would never be able to kill Potter whilst they used brother wands. But what interested him was that Potter's wand had overpowered the Dark Lord's – an inexperienced boy wizard and Expelliarmus and then the Dark Lord had been momentarily overpowered by echoes of murders cast by his own wand. No wonder the Dark Lord had revelled in torture that night. He must be feeling vulnerable still.

There was a great deal here that needed consideration. He and Lupin discussed it until the early hours, not just for ideas and plans against the Dark Lord, but Snape was formulating plans based on what he had learned to protect Lupin too.

The morning came and, although his nerves and bones retained deep echoes of pain, Snape felt a little stronger. Lupin lay next to him and was stroking his face gently.

"I heard Black when I came through the Floo. Have you told him?" Snape asked, tentatively.

"No, I haven't seen him since then. I've been here with you. I think he's probably guessed, after how I left him in Albus's office." Lupin smiled. "When you're better, I will speak to him."

"Remus ..." Snape started.

"I know what you think, Severus, but Sirius will come round in time, I'm sure of it," Lupin said with conviction. Snape wished he could share it, for Lupin's sake.

"I want you to make love to me Remus," Snape said, grasping the hand that stroked his face. As Lupin started to protest, Snape put his finger to Lupin's lips, still holding Lupin's hand. "I would rather feel your kisses on my skin than the Dark Lord's curses," Snape said.

Lupin uncovered Snape's body and feathered small gentle kisses and suckles to every one of the healing cuts on his thighs, on his chest, setting each alight, and then lovingly kissed his mouth and turned him over onto his stomach, and kissed and suckled at those cuts from the soles of Snape's feet, on his calves, and thighs and back.

"Like this, Remus, like this," Snape whispered, his whole body now alight with pain that turned to pleasure under his husband's gentlest of touches. Lupin cupped Snape's backside gently and stoked the cheeks and softly pulled them apart, and delicately traced his tongue along the soft and sensitive skin inside and around Snape's opening, making him gasp in the delight tinged on the edge with pain. Lupin gently probed with his tongue as Snape moaned with the sheer pleasure of it. Lupin probed more firmly and rhythmically and Snape's groaned now with every gentle intrusion, flaring in his groin and making him grasp the sheets at the deliciousness of it and sighing Lupin's name when the tongue left him. "Please Remus, fill me up," he sighed, the feeling making him feel alive in the most wondrous way in comparison with his pain of the day before.

Lupin's fingers gently explored the work of his tongue, Snape was ready and whispered his readiness so Lupin entered him as gently as he could, but deeply, and Snape knew he was watching him all the time in case he hurt him. "Remus, please, love me. It's you I want to feel," he gasped. Lupin started to push into him fully, but not harshly, as if Snape were young and inexperienced, Snape thought. If only I had been treated like this when I was young and inexperienced, he thought to himself as he luxuriated in the beauty of Lupin's restraint, that still pushed against his sweet spot washing him with pleasure, masking the pain of his body, and making him feel lavished with love.

Lupin gently moved them both to one side, and moved Snape's top leg slightly forward to push deeper and so he could take Snape's erection in his hand. Gently and in time he rolled into Snape and stroked him, as Snape moaned as his pleasure increased, and Lupin placed breathless kisses on his shoulder and the side of his face, whispering his love to Snape's ear, the speed slowly increasing as Snape groaned more to the feel of his orgasm intensifying until it crested and he cried out and Lupin followed with a small cry as he moved his hand away so not to grasp Snape too tightly. Snape pulled Lupin's arms back to him, feeling released and happy, his pain forgotten, in the arms of the man he loved, and who so clearly loved him. He slept once more.

oooOOOooo

It was mid-morning when he awoke. He realised he couldn't put off seeing Dumbledore any longer and, with Lupin's help, he bathed and then Floo-called Dumbledore to let him know he was ready to see him. He would have liked to have stood whilst they talked – he felt defensive – but he knew he wasn't strong enough.

They sat at his table, laid with hot and cold drinks. He recounted to Dumbledore the events of the night in the graveyard. Dumbledore listened without interruption, but Lupin could not. Every time Snape detailed his torture, Lupin reacted, vocally or physically, even though Snape tried to comfort him with small gestures (as Lupin would normally do to him, he thought to himself wryly).

"Do you believe that Voldemort believes you now?" Dumbledore asked when Snape had finished.

"I do. I would be dead otherwise, or wishing I were ..." Snape said quietly.

Dumbledore nodded, stood and paced Snape's drawing room.

Then Snape told them that he had feared for his Occlumency when the Memory Charm was approached, Dumbledore inhaled sharply and turned to Snape.

"Dear boy, with so much going on ... forgive me. When you are stronger, I will remove it entirely."

Too busy sending me on errands than to attend what could have been the undoing of me! Snape thought sourly, but nodded curtly instead. Lupin, however, did not let it pass.

"Not only did you ignore Severus's concerns for nearly a whole year, Albus, you didn't attend a Memory Charm before sending him to Voldemort, knowing he would be Legilimised savagely. Do you care for Severus at all?" Lupin's eyes were blazing, although he restrained himself from shouting as his hand clutched Snape's shoulder. Snape's heart swelled. If he was picking up Lupin's pacifying habits, it appeared Lupin's was channelling his temper.

"Of course I do, Remus. Please be calm." Dumbledore held out his hands to pacify him. "I have not yet had the opportunity to apologise fully to Severus for trusting my own judgement over his – for which both Severus and Harry have borne the direct consequences, and indeed the real Alastor Moody, and for which I will not forgive myself readily."

Snape wasn't sure how sincere that apology could be. It seemed to him, knowing the magical power of the man in front of him, that it was nothing short of extraordinary that Dumbledore had not seen through it from the outset. But that was too cynical even for him to believe. What purpose could that possibly have served?

"How is Alastor now?" Lupin asked.

"He will be in the hospital wing for a while yet. Kept barely alive in his own trunk for nine months – Legilimised for his memories and his hair used for Polyjuice, barely fed properly: he's in a poor way. It will take a while to rebuild his strength," Dumbledore said, shaking his head.

"I have a stronger nutrient potion that would better assist Poppy," Snape said, and Lupin touched his hand in gratitude.

"I went to see him briefly before you came back. His magical eye saw the bonding circlet, and he congratulated me and asked me who the lucky man was!" Lupin laughed softly, and Snape knew that Lupin was relieved beyond measure that his old and trusted friend from the war was not the foul-mouthed bigot Crouch had portrayed.

"Did you tell him?" Snape asked.

"No, I wanted to wait until you were back, and we would discuss what we would do about our registration ... under the circumstances," Lupin said quietly, looking pained.

Snape hadn't thought of it until now. If he were to be accepted as a Death Eater, he could not possibly register his bond to a werewolf. It just wasn't conceivable. Snape felt his flesh crawl all over, and sick to the pit of his stomach at the realisation.

"No," he said, his voice small. "No, we waited so long ..." Lupin held both of Snape's hands as Snape hung his head. "There has to be a way."

"There isn't Severus," Lupin said softly, taking Snape's chin gently in his hand. "But we'll just carry on as we have been. We'll keep our flat in Diagon Alley. We just need to be careful, that's all."

"No, boys, I don't think so," Dumbledore said quietly. "I think we need to think about all of this in the round, as it were."

"What do you mean?" Lupin asked, looking confused. Indeed, thought Snape miserably, what are you planning to do to me now if this – sending me back to the madman and depriving me living with my husband here in my home- isn't bad enough!

"Leave it until the summer, you said. And now look! Now we can't!" Snape whispered dangerously. "If I hadn't listened to you ..."

"... he would have killed you both – you know this is true. Think, Severus, think!" Dumbledore cut across Snape firmly. "I'm sorry that you can't register or live together yet, for your own safety. Once Voldemort is defeated, it will be different.

"I am trying to reassemble the Order – all the old crowd and any new recruits. Sirius has offered his old family home at Grimmauld Place as our headquarters and I have accepted this kind gesture." Dumbledore was gently pacing the room now, and talking in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. "I think it would be best if Remus stayed with Sirius at Grimmauld Place to help him re-adjust to life away from Azkaban, help us with the work for the Order and keep any attention away from you both as a couple." He didn't appear to hear the sorrowful "no" that escaped Snape's throat repeatedly in the background, but carried on relentlessly as if the topic were most mundane. "We'll need to find your companions from the retreat that you told me about, Remus. I'll need to Obliviate their memories so they can't be compromised ..."

"WHAT?" Snape suddenly exploded and he sprang to his feet. This was just too much. "You send me to be tortured by that madman and yet you would keep Remus away from me all together! What kind of man are you to ask this of me?" Snape yelled as Lupin stood in front of him and held him back. "You want to wipe our bonding out, don't you? Just so I can be a better spy for you. Damn you, Albus! You have no heart."

"Severus, listen," Lupin pleaded, holding firmly onto both of Snape's arms as Snape pressed forwards towards Dumbledore, "please, listen to me. We'll find a way. I won't be parted from you either. We'll work something out, I promise. You'd better leave now, Albus," Lupin said coolly.

Dumbledore left but Snape would not be comforted. He had looked forward to this for so long, to having Lupin with him always, to keeping him safe with him, looking after him, loving him, to having all the time in the world with him! Not only was this to be denied to him, but he was to return to the service of the Dark Lord, to physical, spiritual and emotional torture.

Snape raged, no matter how hard he tried to rein it in, but Lupin held onto him fast, soothing him and letting him rage – held on until Snape's frustrated anger broke and he wept into Lupin's shoulder inconsolably. And still he held on, and shed quiet tears with him.
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You Will Not Kiss Me