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Learning Life Over	By : Meander Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 69712 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 47- Harry and Common Sense In a Room Together

�� I don�t
think we�ll need many more sessions,� Harry said, as he sat down opposite
Theresa and tried to relax.

�� Theresa,
who had just picked up her teacup, cocked an eyebrow at him. �You have said that
before, as I remember, Harry,� she said. �And things ended up changing within a
few minutes.�

�� They did,�
Harry said, wincing at the memory. That session had come too soon after his
experience at the Ministry. He had needed to rest more before he persuaded
Theresa to leave. Luckily, he had a night of good food, excellent rest, and
hard thinking under his belt this time.

�� I�m
thinking about not returning to the Ministry,� he said now, and though her
mouth and eyes both widened slightly, she�d evidently had a pleasant surprise.

�� And what
brought this on?� she asked quietly.

�� Harry
shrugged. �A friend of Draco�s, who gave up a life he thought he could never
leave and devoted himself to something that mattered to him.� He wasn�t sure
how much Theresa knew about Snape, and so he didn�t want to mention the name.
�We met him on Saturday. He didn�t want to talk that much, but I learned- things
from him. And I realized that, even though I don�t know what I want to do next,
I don�t want to remain in the Ministry anymore. It will destroy me.�

�� Theresa
couldn�t seem to stop smiling. �This is wonderful news, Harry,� she said. �And
you really are worried about your future fate as well as the fates of everyone
around you?�

�� Harry
nodded.

�� Wonderful,�
Theresa repeated. Then she cocked her head and leaned towards him. �You mention
that you don�t know what you want to do next. That must take a great deal of
courage, to walk away from what you�ve known without a safe and secure position
waiting for you.�

�� She didn�t phrase
it as a question, but Harry responded that way because he wasn�t sure what else
he ought to say. �Yes. It does. I trust Draco to support me until I find
something I like.�

�� Any ideas
so far?�

�� Harry had
to smile. Theresa wouldn�t be content until she saw him walk around with a
dazzling smile on his face every day, he thought. �No,� he said quietly.
�Professional Quidditch was a career I considered at one point in time, but I�m
too old now, and in any case, I couldn�t know whether the team hired me for my
fame or my skill at Quidditch.�

�� And of
course you don�t want to go under a glamour,� Theresa said thoughtfully.
�Because you deserve to be recognized and honored for who you really are.�

�� Not more
than other people, though,� Harry cautioned her. That was something he was
going to be adamant on. He�d finally accepted Draco�s insistence that he
deserved as much as anyone else. But he didn�t think he deserved more,
and if Draco tried to tell him to use his fame to win rights that other people
didn�t have or settle old scores, Harry would ignore him.

�� Theresa
nodded. �Have you thought about giving the teams a chance, anyway?�

�� What?�

�� Try out
under your real name, with your real skill,� Theresa said. �Perhaps, if you�re
right, your age will offset your fame.�

�� Harry shook
his head. �I�d be more worried that �Harry Potter� would force the teams into
accepting me whether or not they wanted to. And I�ve had enough of being stared
at and used for my reputation, thanks, so I don�t want to be hired as an
audience attraction.�

�� Theresa
tried and failed to smother a grin; Harry thought it came simply from the fact
that she was proud of him. �What else do you want to do?�

�� All I�ve
ever done is chase Dark wizards.� Harry shrugged, then tried and failed at a
laugh. All right, so there are still some things I can�t do. �Without
that, it�ll take me God knows how long to think of an alternate plan.�

�� What did
you want to do when you were a child?�

�� Harry shook
his head. �I don�t remember having ambitions. I think my world by the time I
was five amounted to �Live.� Survive the Dursleys. Someday I promised myself
I�d move away and have a flat of my own. That�s all.�

�� And you
achieved that much,� Theresa murmured. �You even managed survival, if not
living. What else, Harry?�

�� Harry
tilted his head back and tried to control his breathing. He wouldn�t let
himself panic, especially because Draco wasn�t in the room next door- he�d left
Harry�s sessions with Theresa strictly alone for some time now- and couldn�t
hear him fumbling about with options and sounding like an idiot.

�� I�m good
at magic,� he muttered at last. �And tracking spells, defensive magic, mild
curses intended to disable enemies, that sort of thing.�

�� And what
do you want to do with that?� Theresa�s voice tugged and coaxed and
pulled at him.

�� I thought
we already established that I didn�t know.�

�� You could
train people who want to learn to defend themselves,� Theresa suggested softly.
�At least, if you enjoy teaching. Do you?�

�� I don�t know,�
Harry repeated, briefly resisting the urge to throw his hands in the air. �I�ve
never done it.�

�� But that
wasn�t strictly true, he thought at once, remembering Dumbledore�s Army during
his fifth year at Hogwarts. He tried to remember if he�d enjoyed it. Maybe. At
the time, he�d been rather more consumed with his visions and his mood swings
and the mess of his personal life than deciding on a career.

�� And I
still don�t know if I would get serious students,� he said now. �Some people
might only come for the glamour of being trained by Harry Potter, and act like
fools.�

�� Do you
think you�re a good judge of Auror candidates after so long in that job?�

�� Harry
frowned, trying to cope with the rapid change of subject. �Of course.�

�� If the
Ministry brought in someone incompetent, would you know at once?� Theresa
punctuated the sentence with dainty sips of her tea.

�� Harry
snorted. �I not only would know, I�ve found them out once or twice.� When he
could be persuaded to take notice- and it was spectacular incompetence that
roused him from his work-daze, that or the fool being assigned as his partner- he�d
been able to predict to the week, and sometimes the day, how long it would be
before the idiot dropped out of the Auror program or got himself transferred to
a less dangerous part of the Ministry.

�� Then you
would be able to recognize people who only came for the glamour, too, I think,�
Theresa whispered. �And you wouldn�t need to worry about being too nice to
discourage them, anymore.�

�� Maybe,�
Harry said. He gnawed his lip. He still didn�t know if it was the kind of work
he�d enjoy, though he felt a faint stirring of interest. �Private dueling
instructor� was at least less of a catch-all job than �Auror,� and he could
make his own hours.

�� He had
to work, though. Already, he could feel the stirring of discontent in the
center of his chest. How Draco spent so much time doing absolutely nothing, he
would never know. Entertainments weren�t enough to keep him occupied, and soon,
sex with Draco wouldn�t be enough, either. His own healing was almost through.
Harry had to have something to think about beyond that.

�� You do
know one thing,� Theresa said patiently.

�� Harry
looked up.

�� It�s all
right to wait until you have the ability to think some more about this,� said
Theresa. �About what you want, what you�re going to do, what interests you
most. Just because you don�t yet know what you want doesn�t mean you�ll
never have any idea.�

�� Harry felt
relaxation trickle through his muscles. He�d come into the room telling himself
that, but it felt better to hear someone else say it, too, so he knew he wasn�t
merely listening to the bad advice inside his own head.

�� Whatever I
want to do, I also want the ability to control my own hours,� he muttered. �And
the ability to help people. And the ability to pull back when I think I�m
becoming so involved that the job consumes my life. And the ability to put my
foot down if someone tries to use my name or face or reputation.�

�� Theresa
clapped her hands. �Those are all admirable goals, and ones that I didn�t think
you�d be able to name just a few weeks ago,� she said. �Keep them in mind,
Harry. Since your interest doesn�t instantly point you to something you want to
do, it�s worthwhile to wait and look for a job that can give you those
things, instead of grabbing the first opportunity that comes along.�

�� Harry
nodded, and leaned back in the chair, taking deep breaths. �How much longer do
you think you�ll need to be here?� he asked.

�� Her voice
was amused, now. �Not much longer, if you�re able to tell me the name of one
person you�ll seek out for a friend beyond Draco.�

�� Names of
Gryffindor year-mates, and people who weren�t Gryffindors, rolled through
Harry�s mind. Most of the time, he had no idea whether those people were still
alive or not, and he didn�t want to cause unnecessary pain if he should begin
asking after them. But he knew Dean Thomas was alive, and he knew one of the
Patil twins- Padma, he thought- had come back to live in England after the rest
of her family had left for India, and he�d even seen Cho Chang�s name a time or
two in passing, though he had no desire to seek her out again.

�� I suppose-
� he said, and then stopped, his heart pounding. The plan inside his head right
now made sense, but it was so daring he hesitated to suggest it to himself.

�� Yes?�
Theresa prompted.

�� I suppose
I might go back to Hogwarts,� Harry said, exhaling slowly and forcing his eyes
open. �I�d have to ask for an appointment, but I want to see the school and
McGonagall again. And anyone else who�s still there, of course.�

�� You
shouldn�t do this if you�re not ready for it,� Theresa said. �From what you�ve
told me, that school was the only place you were ever truly happy, and facing
those memories- �

�� I�m
ready,� Harry cut in firmly. He felt light-headed, but that was from a
combination of excitement and fear, not fear alone. �None- none of them are
buried there. I�ll be walking with memories, not the dead.�

�� Except
for Dumbledore. But after hearing that the old wizard had arranged his
death with Snape, Harry had no longer felt as haunted by his ghost as before.
The pain still throbbed, but the Weasley Massacre had piled so much pain on top
of that death as to effectively pull Harry�s attention away from it.

�

�� If you
wish.�

�� I do.�
Harry looked up and into her eyes. �Whether or not I become someone who needs
to go to Hogwarts on a regular basis, I want to stop running away from it.�

�� Theresa
nodded. �And what about beyond that?�

�� Harry
sighed, and settled down to construct a list of names of people he might
contact once he�d passed the strength-sapping visit to Hogwarts.

*

�� No.�

�� Harry
rolled his eyes. Trust Draco to obstruct everything he wanted, from taking him
away from his job to this. Draco seemed to exist to be contrary.

�� Draco, I
have to,� he said. �More than that, I want to go back. These are places
I�ve dreamed about so much in the last decade, and I could have seen them at
any time, and I didn�t. That speaks to a special kind of weakness. If I avoid
Hogwarts for the rest of my life, then I�ll be missing something important.�

�� You sound
like Theresa.� Draco, sitting in a chair with a wooden box on his lap, scowled
at Harry.

�� Maybe I
do,� Harry said. It was his private theory that people who spent enough time
around Healers did end up sounding like they did. �But this is important,
Draco. I want it, and I�m going to do it.�

�� Draco let
out a long-suffering sigh and set the box on the table next to the chair,
standing up. �Fine. But I�m coming with you.�

�� Harry nodded
his thanks, then glanced curiously at the box. He�d seen papers poking out of
it, and Draco had been studying them with an intent frown on his face. �What
are those?� he asked.

�� Draco�s
hand stuttered on his back for a moment. Then he said, �Nothing for you to
worry about, Harry.�

�� Harry
nodded again. He felt more comfortable trusting Draco now, if only because he
felt he�d passed the most important barriers and had little or nothing left to
hold back from him.
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Learning Life Over