By The Light | By : lycanthrope Category: Harry Potter > FemSlash - Female/Female Views: 17677 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2 |
Disclaimer: All of the characters portrayed in this fic (apart from Jamie.) and all other creations existing within the world Of Harry Potter are the creative genius of J.K Rowling, I make no profit from the writing or posting of this fan fiction. |
Chapter 47
"You are late." Nancy begins, while pushing herself from her leaning post to point an accusing finger at me. "I said eight o'clock."
My hands are in my pockets and my posture could easily be considered slouched. "You did, but I got held up." To prove my point I show her back of my hand riddled with, tiny welts and scratched. "That cat really does hate me."
"Would probably help if you weren't such a bitch." She comments, her left eye squinting every so slightly. A meaningless tick to anyone else but in that tiny tell I can see she just trying to see if this provokes any sort of rise out of me.
I don't give her what she is looking for, instead using the tip of my thumb to flick the small silver badge towards her. She catches it, pressing her hand flat against her chest. "He can't hold that against me." I don't break my stride install I am half way through the open door to my tiny chamber, resting the flat of my hand against the frame until I have her full attention once more. "It is only once a month."
She pulls her shoulders into a slow shrug and drops her gaze to the floor. Hoping to hide that look that spreads across her face to tell me I have reacted just how she had wanted. "If we're talking literally, yeah. Besides cats can be funny like that."
"That, they can." I reply, not bothering to try and conceal the laughter threaded through my words. My sprits are too high and the more I play into Nancy's hands, the quicker she'll divulge exactly why she keeps throwing these privileges at my feet. I push further into my quarters pausing to empty my pockets onto the desk.
"You know," Nancy, says and I turn my head to watch her lean sideways against the doorframe, her posture relaxed even if her face and eyes are tense, always keeping up the pretence. "You're much more agreeable after you've had sex."
I feel my forehead crease ever so slightly at the observation. "Of course I am." is my response as my watch drops to the withered wood. "Aren't you?"
Again she shrugs, slowly and lethargically. "Not especially." Her eyes are everywhere, over every surface, delving into every shadowed corner. Hunting. For what, I'm not completely sure but she has yet to find anything. "It's always been… Well you know."
"A tool." I supply turning to rest my hip against the wood, only slightly unnerved when it shifts in place and forces the wall to take most of my weight. "Or a weapon."
"Well, yeah." She says very slowly, as if she doesn't quite want to agree with me but has no other way to describe it. Then her eyes meet mine and she continues in a very accusatory tone. "You taught me that, remember."
"I know." I admit, folding my arms over my chest and moving my gaze to the bedspread. "I was wrong." So wrong about so many things, so much of this world holding beauty and delight. All those years and all I wanted to do, was taint that, with blood and mayhem and death. Still I know I'm learning the error of my ways. Suppose that has to be something. With a long sigh I push off from the desk, sinking down onto the thin mattress and running my fingers over my eyes.
"Did you just admit you were wrong?" Nancy draws my attention back to her and refuses to continue before I have pulled my hands down my face and given it to her. "Can I get that on record?"
Feel the laughter bubbling in the pit of my stomach and let it filter out towards the ceiling as I rest back on my outstretched arms. "Wild horses couldn't drag it out of me a second time." She joins me in my mirth but hers is forced. An outward show of amusement but her mind has long since left the current conversation. Tilting my head to the side I observe her, she's not paying any attention to me anyway so I am free to make an open appraisal. Whatever it was this morning I was trying to see is surfacing now. It's in her eyes, it's in her movements, it's in the way that she is makes excuses to linger in my doorway. "Is there something else you wanted?" I gently query and she snaps out of her inner thoughts.
She takes a moment to lean back on her perch and glance down the expanse of corridor. After letting her tongue pass between her closed lips once to moisten them she finally builds enough courage to ask the simplest of questions. "Can I come in?"
The enquiry startles me somewhat. Considering she is half way into the room anyway and I have no viable method to eject her, suggests that she has no reason to ask. She could simply take what she wishes but that in itself might dampen my mood and all of a sudden I realise she had been trying to soften me up for something. This realisation, which granted I did have inkling about, sets me on edge. Under normal circumstances she would have much more patience, eased me in a certain direction before actively seeking me out. This is rushed and unplanned, which is probably the most unnerving part of the whole exchange. "You have the key."
She sighs slowly and I can see her face contorting in disappointment. "You're not going to make this easy, are you?"
She is seriously seeking my permission to enter. That thought alone has me sober somewhat. So very slowly and deliberately I toe off both of my shoes. Pull myself further into the bed until my back hits the cold stonewall. Both my knees and hips fold until my feet rest flat on the bed. "Close the door behind you." I say, careful to structure my voice into a neutral tone, letting her interpret those words how she sees fit.
She hesitates because she knows what I'm doing. The sentence can be taken either way, either a dismissal or an invite. How she reads into it tells me how much she wants whatever she wishes to discuss and I don't think she is quite ready to tip her hand just yet. Her bottom lip is caught between her teeth in thought before she steps into the room and slowly closes the door behind her. Reaching into her robes she takes the time to light the candle on the desk so we are not forced to suffer in both silence and darkness. Then turns the rickety chair out into the room and slowly takes a seat.
Seconds, minuets tick by and no one moves. Entering into this timeless battle that I must endure again and again. Always waiting for the other to begin. Neither of us wanting to be the white piece, to make that first move. So we sit, in the mounting tension, glaring at each other, each daring the other to play their hand.
There always comes a point when the respectful silence, stops being respectful and Nancy knows that I am happy to allow it to stretch past the point of awkward, so gives in with a long sigh as she leans back in the wooden chair. "I want out."
I have to force myself to blink. Just that split second with fewer stimuli, trying to puzzle out exactly what that means. "Out of the Inquisitorial Squad?"
"Yes." She says then closes her eyes to look away. "No." Her hand comes up to her forehead, her thumb resting on her temple as her fingers run across the skin in an attempt to order her words. "Out of everything."
My eyes narrow in suspicion, unseen behind her closed eyelids. "Why?"
Her shoulders sag, low to the ground and from her position, almost doubled over she looks up at me. The dynamics from this morning entirely flipped on its head but she's not trying to see anything. For once she's trying to show me, to convey everything without having to speak, the hopelessness, the desperation all are in her eyes. "Does it matter?"
"Does to me." I respond and watch her head drop into both of her hands. There's no way she truly expected to receive anything from me without an explanation, although the hope of it might have been playing on her mind. Slowly I relax my thighs, until they part and I cross my legs over the mattress so I can lean forward and not give out such an intimidating air. "Think of this from my perspective. I've been in your custody for two days and one evening. It all feels a little rushed. So forgive me for thinking this might be a trap."
"It's not." She is quick to counter, meeting my eyes for a moment. "And that means absolutely nothing to you."
"Afraid not." I reply. "For some reason, you think I can help you. Then you expect me to do so all on faith. I'm sorry I can't do that." It takes me a moment to realise that I've apologised and even though I had not intended to I try not to draw any further attention to it.
Nancy notices, as she always does. Jerking her head up so quick I would be surprised if she didn't give herself whiplash, she smart enough not to comment though. "Look, we both know the curse on the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. Umbridge isn't going to be around for much longer, she can't be. After that I have no reason to maintain contact with you and I cannot let this opportunity pass me by."
"What makes you so certain I can help you?" I ask in utter bewilderment.
"You've already done it." She replies and from the shake in her voice I can see she is finding it difficult not to begin shouting. "You managed it, weeks before you became a werewolf. How did… I just don't understand how."
"I fell for a muggle born and people found out." I state simply and watch her jaw drop at how honest that small sentence was. Quickly I begin to feel as though I am being scrutinised so I raise my knees once more as a physical barrier between my chest and her eyes.
For a moment the sound becomes stuck in the back of her throat, she has to cough to clear it. "You and Granger were together before?"
"Yes." I say, a little perplexed. "I thought this was common knowledge?"
"No." Nancy begins slowly shaking her head and I can see her rifling through her memory banks behind her eyes. "I didn't know about that."
"Well my father found out. Cut me off and that was the end of that story." I know that I am heavily editing that series of events but have no wish to either divulge this to NancyIvybridge, who could very easily use this information against me, nor relive the experience. "It's relatively simple when you think about it."
Nancy laughs and it is actually filled with mirth. "Na, my mom wouldn't cut me off for that. She'd probably be happy about it." slowly she uses the tips of her fingers to rub her left eye, lost in some parts of her memory that clearly bring her joy. "And my dad. Well, he's a muggle. So you can probably tell how he'd feel about it." She comes back to herself and meets my eye. "Look I feel in with the wrong crowd, it just took me a while to realise that."
"You wanted it. Just as much as I did." With the added benefit that it was her dream, not one of her parents. "Now you've changed your mind?"
"Yes." She stops and waits for me to say something but it doesn't take her nearly as long to realise that I have no intention of doing so. "Look, when we were eleven. He was my dad, he was telling me what to do and when to do it and I could have blown him up with my wand, with just a word. Soon as I got my letter, as soon as I knew that I was a witch he was, I don't know, beneath me I suppose. Slytherin, Draco, you and all the Dark Lords followers catered to that state of mind. Then it just got worse."
"So what changed?"
"Lots of thinks I suppose." Her hand reaches up to run along the back of her neck in a show of nerves and thought. "After Christmas last year, you didn't come back for over a month." I close my eyes slowly, I know she's watching me, I can feel it but I don't care. She's brining up demons I was trying to bury, I dug a whole far deeper than six foot and spend months stamping down on their graves. "When you came back the rumours started."
"They're not true." I cut in quickly, feeling bile bubble in my belly and clamber up my throat. "Not entirely."
"But you did kill him." She states, coldly and simply. "Didn't you?"
Resting my arms over my knees my hands begin to push against each other and they become the most fascinating thing in the world. "Yes."
"I don't care how or why you did that. I'm sure you had your reasons." As she says this she holds up a calming hand in my direction palm out. "It's not the point. It was everyone's reaction. Did you hear any of the rumours?"
I feel a snort of laughter leave my lips, not an ounce of humour attached to it. "I fabricated most of them. He wasn't trying to force himself on me if that's what you're asking."
"No, I gathered that because you'd have let him." Her jaw tightens beneath the skin in equal parts anger and restraint. "Everyone thought you should have just let him. Draco, Gregory, even Pansy. All of them. It doesn't matter if it's true or not, I couldn't abide by that mentality."
"So all talk of murder, violence, and prejudice. That's all fine." I begin my tone mocking. "Rape just a little bit too far for you is it? Considering you've just admitted you use your body as a weapon."
"Now you're just twisting it." Her index finger extends in my direction with an almost violent movement, and her voice raises a few decibels to show her distress. "Yeah, okay. I use sex to get what I want." That jabbing finger turns towards her to point tensely at her own chest. "When I decide that's what I want. Not when some guy decides it's his turn."
"That's a very fine line, you don't want to cross." I say slowly, finally taking the attention away from my hands and meeting her gaze. The look on her face is somewhere between livid and murderous so I don't continue with that line of thought out loud. Instead completely change the subject to a topic she has already indicated will make her much more compliant. "You can't just extract yourself. Draco relies on you too much."
"Only when it comes to reporting every move you make." She replies. "Which he's quite obsessed about at the moment."
"Yeah," I reply stretching out the word "He would be." I only continue after having provoked Nancy into raising both eyebrows in question. "I may have made him look like a fool."
She snorts slightly. "He does that himself most of the time."
"Not in front of the Dark Lord, he doesn't."
"Oh, is that why he had Crabbe and Goyle try to kick you into next week?" She asks, the tension in the room all but evaporating. Slowly and with a proud grin I nod at her. "Then, you deserved it."
I lean back and close my eyes, remembering that day fondly. "It was worth it. You should have seen the look on his face. Bloody priceless." When I finally settle my eyes back on her she's smirking. "His interest in me will die down the more boring I get. Or, to be more accurate, the more boring your reports get, the less interest he will have in me."
The words have barely left my mouth and she has already grasped onto the meaning of them. "So you'll help me."
Ignoring her entirely I continue. "It won't be enough though. Your support is much more important than any information you can give him. He's only truly as powerful as the sum of his followers. For any sort of clean break you'll need to become useless before you start being counterproductive to him."
"Whoa, slow down there." Nancy cuts in. "I didn't say anything about actively going against him."
"Nancy." I begin, threading an almost disported tone into my voice. "You wish your family to stay intact correct?" Mutely she nods in my direction, she's not shocked that I was able to detect the note of affection that she had used when referring to her parents, just a little stunned that I drew attention to it. "Then you'll have to fight for it." I inform her. "Probably more so than most, Draco will take that sort of thing personally."
"That's what I'm afraid of." She admits to me, her tone light but her face tense with worry. "That's why I need your help."
"You want me to defect the attention when it comes to that." I say, watching her swallow and nod slowly. It is a sound plan but it does require a lot of cooperation on my part, makes it easy to see why she is so nervous about the whole thing. Slowly I press the palms of my hands into the mattress, pushing myself forward until my legs hang off the side of the bed. Effectively asserting myself into her field of vision, no matter how intently she wishes to stare at the floor. "I will help you Nancy but this is not a one way arrangement. There are things I need from you as well."
She meets my gaze, steadily. "What kind of price are we talking about?"
"In the short term. Umbridge needs to go." I reply.
"The curse…"
I cut through her speech before it ever truly begins. "Only applies to the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. The position of headmistress is not. Now, even if my disagreements with the woman are irrelevant, she will oppress Harry and in doing so will insure the Dark Lord's victory in this war."
Her eyes narrow as she digests this information and slowly I watch as her jaw clenches. Just scratching at the surface of the things she must become involved in if she truly wishes to change her nature. "I can see why you wouldn't want that to happen. Can't imagine she would take too kindly to know-it-all Granger stalking about, like she owns the place."
It's a raw nerve and it's one that she continually prods and I feel half of my face twitch, it's almost undetectable but I can still feel it, then watch the glint light up behind her eye. "Precisely." At this point we both let the silence stretch on, with her making a decision that could last a lifetime and me still trying to puzzle out if she is serious. The only way I can actually prove to myself that I can trust her is to test it and I know just how to go about doing that. "Do we have a deal?" I finally ask, uncharacteristically breaking the uneasy quiet first and holding my hand outstretched.
Her hand is in mine and gripping tightly, pressing my bones together before she utters a word, before she can change her mind if the look on her face is anything to go by. "I take it you have a plan."
I show her my teeth in a feral grin, realising her hand and standing from the bed. "I always have a plan Ivybridge."
"Stupid question, really." She says, looking up at me from her seated position, a split second before she takes the hint that I am requesting her to leave. She is on her feet and tidying away the furniture, already reaching out to unlock the magical door, my eyes are keenly on the hinges as it swings towards me, looking for any sort of weakness in the structure. I am more than happy that it will hold firm when I am forced to drag my eyes away so Nancy can't see the direction of my gaze, it won't do to give away all of my secrets too soon. "You're going to need to tell me what I've gotten myself into at some point."
"Of course, I just need to iron out some details first." She passes beneath the threshold and I am afforded enough room and casually lean my arm over the top of the door. The fact that I need to prove to myself exactly where her allegiances lie goes unsaid but still it hangs heavily in the air between us. "Till then you'll just have to trust me."
"Well that's a sobering thought." She comments looking down into her palm at the small silver badge close encasing within her fingers. "You really put this on a cat?" She asks in disbelief, wishing to leave on a slightly lighter note, a common tactic, that might help me to accept this sudden change in her attitude. She watches me slowly shrug then shakes her head with a low chuckle. "Keeps it moving all day; very clever."
"It is really a beacon?" I query.
"Oh yeah," She relies attaching the small badge back to the lapels of her robes. "She's got this map and we all show up like little glowing dots. She knows where we are, how long we've been there. It's a bit invasive but she's paranoid." She finishes with a shrug.
I feel a frown crease my features. Up until this moment I had thought that she was just trying to establish some strange, uneasy trust by handing me such an object, now it appears that I might have been used to dispose of it for a day. "So where exactly have you been today?"
"Oh Jamie." She says, still managing to draw a mocking tone into that particular nickname. "A girl's got to have some secrets." Her fingers touch her forehead and pull away sharply, some bizarre gesture somewhere between a solute and a wave and she turns without any further word of explanation to walk away down the corridor. "Have a good night." She throws over her shoulder.
Steeping out to the very edge of the doorway I rest my arm against the frame to lean against it, watching my new ally disappear around a corner, still able to follow her stride with my sensitive ears and wonder exactly what I have gotten myself into.
As I close the door behind me, feeling the magic take effect and locking me inside, Ammy who had been eagerly gazing at the exchange behind my eyes chooses to speak. 'And that Human, is why you were chosen.'
~X~
When my keeper comes to collect me the following morning she finds me hunched over my desk scratching away at a piece of parchment that is beginning to roll together at both the top and bottom. A pile of parchment to my right, all held flat by both a heavy tomb, and the candlestick that has been my only source of light this past night; now burned right down to the wick.
"Well someone has been busy." Nancy comments and out of the corner of my eyes I see her pocketing the heavy iron key to my room. I offer her a quick glace to acknowledge her presence then return to my scribbling. "Have you even, you know, slept?"
Keeping my eyes on the nib of my quill has it dips deeply into the black ink. My mind still practically on fire, from the suns healing effects early yesterday morning, all of those half formed ideas I couldn't stop myself from putting to paper in one form or another. Some things still call for a practical test but I now at least have a logical and designed order to execute them. Quite frankly sleep has been the furthest thing from my mind for quite some time now. "Who needs sleep?"
"Pretty much the whole of the human race." She replies slightly distracted by the parchment at my side slowly reaching out to push the book to the side so she is able to see more clearly.
Quickly I reach out, my palm covering the book and I deliberately position it over the whole of the work to keep her prying eyes away. At present her loyalties are still unexplored territory, it's to my advantage that she is aware of how deeply I am allowing my mind to puzzle this out but not to permit her to see my conclusions. "As you so often point out, I'm not human."
"I'm sure werewolves need sleep too." As my frown turns in her direction she doesn't even flinch under my dark look. "Honestly. I'm must have read it somewhere."
Her tone is light, almost bordering on playful, not quite but almost, enough to draw a smile to my lips at any rate. "You must have." With my work now suitably concealed I turn my attention back to the wet ink currently staining the page I am working on. "I'm almost finished." I say, drawing several vertical lines down the sheet.
"Great," She says, stretching the word out into one long breath. "What exactly is it you're finishing?"
I know she can see my smirk, I am also aware that the action indicates to her that I have no intention of answering her question. "All in good time."
"Always bloody is with you." She complains crossing her arms across her chest and taking up most of the doorway with her stance. "How long are you going to be? I'm hungry."
With a few small details I look over the parchment. That's as far as I can take it for now and I blow gently in the ink to dry it. "Done." I comment, pulling my stack of pages out from under the book and rifling through them, knowing exactly what it is I am looking for and where I wish to place this new plan in the pile. After it is stored neatly away I take a long look at a specific page and pull it from the arrangement, folding it and pushing it into the pocket at the front of my trousers.
I make a show of trying to hurry myself along, filling my pockets with the usual articles that I carry around and reattaching my watch to my wrist, leaning over to blow out the candle in the same movement. Turning I am met with an inquisitive look. "You're not going to tell me what this is about. Are you?" She says.
"You already know the answer to that Nancy." I say, watching her eyes narrow. I might have used her given name in the past few days but right now it carries much more weight. The uneasy truce she has requested making it so and I would be a fool not to take full advantage of it. "Shall we go? I thought you were hungry."
She clicks her tongue against her teeth in irritation but doesn't comment; instead stepping out of the way and when I have left the room is courteous enough to close the door behind me. "You know I have to follow you everywhere. Eventually I'm just going to see these plans in action."
"It had crossed my mind." My hands push deep into my pockets and I set my sights forward as we begin to walk to the Great Hall. "However, this way you can't stop me beforehand, can you?"
She sighs in pure frustration. "Fine, I'll play your little game but if I'm going to start having to involve myself in this stuff, I'm going to want to know what it is pretty soon."
Call it lack of sleep, call it a new sense of self-entitlement, call it whatever you will but this morning I feel cocky. I know what I want, what I need and nothing; no one is going to stop me. This is what provokes a smirk of self-satisfaction and a calmly uttered. "We'll see."
She steps in front of me, cutting off my stride and swiftly becomes infuriated when my expression remains the same, even as I pull to a stop. "There's no 'we'll see' about it. We have an agreement."
"Yes we do and when my actions directly includes you, I will involve you. Until then you're going to have to trust me." I say, careful to keep my voice calm and level.
"I just have to trust you? When you here testing me for the same thing." She's pointing, almost jabbing her finger towards my chest in a highly accusatory manor.
"That's the way it works." I step closer to her, invading her personal space and silently commend her ability to stand her ground. Even when she must be terrified of exactly what I could do over such a short distance. "Remember, you need me much more than I need you." That may not strictly be true but need has always been a matter of perspective. If she wants to be free of the dark wizards within this world, as much as she was trying to convey last night, she'll believe every word. "So we play this game until I'm satisfied."
She's far from happy with the arrangement but she doesn't comment. Her pointing finger reaches up to scratch at her ear and she diverts her gaze to a tapestry hanging from the wall. "Fine. I'll play." She may know it; she may even have orchestrated it but that little show of submissiveness is already sparking a grain of trust within me.
"Good." I say slowly watching as she continues to refuse to look in my direction. "Breakfast?" I call out, Stepping around her and along the corridor hiding my smile when she turns and quickens her stride in order to catch up.
When we enter the Great hall it takes but a moment I seek out the students I wish to talk to with both my eyes and ears. It has me confidently striding over towards the Gryffindor table and latching onto Nancy's arm when she threatens to walk right past where I intend to sit to take my morning meal. She even goes as far as running her eyes along the table towards Hermione and Ron who are so deeply immersed in conversation they have failed to notice our arrival. With a small hand gesture concealed by my body to most of the hall, I indicate for her to take a seat ahead of me, giving the illusion that this is her decision to the table occupying the far side of the room.
When I have finally seated myself I link my fingers together over the table top and with my back to Slytherin house I am able to let a bright smile cross my face without fear that it will come back to haunt me at a later date. "Morning boys." I greet to the Weasley twins seated opposite, who abruptly halted their conversation when Nancy was in their field of vision. She does make things difficult, having her constant presence but not impossible.
"Hey Jamie." One of the brothers greets, in honesty they both look so alike that I can barely tell them apart and without the means to just stamp their initials to their foreheads I dub the first one to speak as Fred, if only because he comes first alphabetically. "How are things?" Fred continues his suspicious eyes running over Nancy.
"Don't worry about her." I assure, ignoring her body tensing at my side over the comment. Putting my time spent with Ginny to good use I drive right to the heart of the matter. "I hear through the grapevine, you two are looking for an expulsion."
"Not actively," The boy I have privately named George says, taking my words at face value and all but ignoring Nancy's attendance at the table.
It's Fred who finishes the thought with a nonchalant shrug. "But if it happens, it happens."
I hear Ivybridge snort in irritation as she reaches out for a slice of toast. Seemingly hell bent on paying us as much attention as we are paying her.
"What if I told you I could help you reek a little havoc, before you left?" I offer.
Fred laughs slightly, gesturing between himself and his brother. "I think we might have that covered."
"Oh, when it comes to the pranks themselves you two are most certainly the authority." I say slowly, holding out my hands in a semi pacifying gesture. "But I can give you specific times and specific places where your pranks will have the most effectiveness. It should frazzle a certain Headmistress all the more."
I watch them both slowly grin, almost completely in synchronisation. They share a glance and both lean across the table. As one they speak. "We're listening."
It is truly unnerving when they do that and sometimes it makes me want to associate them as a single being but I am fortunate enough to have been around them in the numerous meetings of Dumbledore's Army so barely react. Slowly I reach into my pocket and draw from it my hand drawn map, several locations and times listed on the page. With a single finger I slide it across the polished wood then once more bridge my fingers. "How do you boys feel about fireworks?"
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