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Amore et Amicitia	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Sirius/James Views: 6683 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
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AN: Ok, just in case people are wandeirng why I continue to go on about how attractive either James or Sirius is, I understand that actually Sirius is the handsome one and James is supposed to be skinny and slightly short but I am writing it from Sirius' pov so in his eyes James is the most beautiful thing in the world. As i have said in the previous chapter; love is blind. Neither of them can see each others physical flaws because they're looking at each other through rose tinted glasses...Also, I beleive that some people, where not the most physically attractive people in the world, have an internal light that make them beautiful...this is what Sirius is seeing in James. :) Hope you understand my random ramblings, lol. Enjoy...

Chapter Forty-Seven: Vanus (Empty)

James searched the room for Sirius, he had been missing for an hour and no one seemed to have seen him. He frowned as he gazed around the room and spotted Peter, he walked over to him. “Hey, Worm, have you seen Padfoot?” He asked.

Peter turned to him and shook his head. “No, but Gillian says she saw him running out the Portrait hole...he hasn’t come back.”

James frowned in concern. “Was he ok?”

Peter shrugged dismissively. “Probably just had to get some air...it’s pretty stuffy in here. Either that or he’s out fucking Francis.”

“The Hufflepuff who came here with Debby Smith?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, they’ve shagged before...”

James shifted slightly and downed the last of his drink, his eyes darkened with jealousy and suspicion. “You...sure?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “I saw him leave a few minutes after Sirius did.”

“Right...I’m gunna go look for him.” James shoved his empty glass into Peter’s hand and left him standing there looking angry.

XXX

Sirius’ fingers moved easily over the keys of the grand piano, he had his eyes closed as he tried to drown out the screams of his past with music. The melody was slow and methodical, each note being left to ring through the Room of Requirement for a few seconds before he moved onto the next. His breathing was rapid even though he was merely sitting still, his fingers shook as he moved through the song he tried to let the music ease his soul but it only made him think of his Uncle Alphard. “Die...die...why won’t you die...” He whispered his mother’s words, trying to turn them into meaningless nonsense but it didn’t work. Eventually he closed his eyes and disappeared inside himself, the music drifted through his brain but made little impression on him as he hung over the keys with a hunched back. He hadn’t thought about his parent’s words since he had fled his house, but now they were coming back to haunt him and it was torture worse than any physical damage.

James opened the door to the room of Requirement and heard the slow music, it was like an arrow in the heart as he turned to see Sirius sat in the very centre of the large space. There were no other seats only the piano graced the hall. He stopped and simply watched Sirius play, he had no idea he had any musical talent and was impressed. The grief within the music was heartrending and he took a step into the room. Abruptly Sirius stopped playing and covered his head with his hands as if he was trying to block something out, his shoulders shuddered violently and he groaned.

“Go away...I-I’m not useless...I’m loved. I’m needed. I’m...I’m...” he took a shuddery breath and his arms fell to his sides, he gazed up at the ceiling and sat there swaying slightly. His eyes had a dark, haunted cast to them that was like tarnished silver. James sighed softly and moved further into the room, Sirius jumped when he heard the footsteps. “J-James!” He exclaimed and stood up abruptly.

“Siri, are you alright?” James asked in concern as he reached the piano.

Sirius smiled wonkily. “Yeah, I guess. How’s the party?”

“It’s good...but not as good as it is when you’re there. What’s wrong? Peter said you were with Francis.”

Sirius raised an elegant eyebrow. “Really? Obviously not...unless someone’s named the piano...” He tried to smile but it slipped from his face and he sat down heavily. “I just needed some time to myself, Jamie. I’m alright.”

James shook his head. “No...no you’re not. Let me help you.” He sat down at Sirius’ side and they looked at each other for a long moment. “I love you Sirius and when you’re hurt I hurt.”

Sirius smiled and cocked his head to one side, slowly he reached up and pushed his fingers into James’ hair. “I’m fine, Potter. Trust me.” He leaned close and pressed his lips against James’, they were so familiar and wonderful that it drove all the darkness away. His smile widened as he pushed his free hand into James’ hair and felt arms wrap themselves around his waist. “Hmm...how can I not be fine with you?” he whispered and looked into James’ eyes. “You love me. You need me. Even if...even if no one else does, as long as you’re here I’m happy...I can smile.”

James returned his smile and sighed. “What happened then? You ran off...”

“Just...just some bad thoughts, bad memories but you’re with me now and none of it matters. I love you James.”

“I love you too Sirius.” James grinned happily as he leaned in to kiss Sirius again, their tongues touched and tangled and they groaned softly into one another’s mouths. “Merlin...I’m never gunna get enough of this...” James breathed as they came up for air.

Sirius laughed softly, nuzzling James’ throat. “It’s because of you I’m alive...without you I...I’m nothing.”

“No you’re not. You’re Sirius Black, no one can take that away from you.”

Sirius looked at James and smiled slightly sadly. “I’m too far gone, Jamie...I don’t even know who or what I am...I never did. Everything I’ve done is because of you. Ever since I met you my life has been revolving around you, just like everyone else’s. You’re special...you and Lily are. I’m...I’m unimportant...I’m nothing...useless, filthy b-bloodtraitor with only his good looks...and if they go...if they fade I’ll be a ghost.” Sirius’ voice dropped to a whisper and he lifted his eyes to James, his hands tangling in his shirt. “Without you I’m only half a person...if you die James, I’m going to go insane.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Sirius, no one’s going to die.” James smiled. “And you’re a good man, you just need to see it in yourself.” He stood up, pulling Sirius by the hand as he dragged him over to the wall. He covered Sirius’ eyes and moved him so he was stood before a large mirror, James stood behind him and held him there as he released Sirius’ eyes and took hold of his arms. “Look at yourself...you’re handsome, your one of the cleverest students in this bloody school and you’re one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I’m lucky to know you, Padfoot.”

Sirius gazed at his familiar reflection, he saw nothing but a handsome eighteen year old with the bright sun at his back. He opened his mouth to speak but James put his hand over his mouth.

“Don’t even try to put yourself down.” James whispered. “You’re not just beautiful on the outside...”

“I can’t see it Jamie.” Sirius said softly as he pulled James’ hand away from his lips. “I just don’t see myself the way you seem to...” All he could see was a shattered boy, one who used to hide in dark corners and sob into his arms when his parents screamed at him. One who had to live with wounds deeper than the flesh. He shook his head and turned within the circle of his lovers arms. “I’m sorry...” he said.

“What for?” James frowned in confusion.

“For dragging you here, it’s your birthday and I ruined it...”

“No, you didn’t. I’ve been dying for a chance to get you alone...now we are...” He smirked and raised an eyebrow suggestively. He pulled Sirius close and pressed his lips against his temple, his fingers found his hair and he moved his head to get at his lips. Sirius moaned heavily and wrapped James in his arms, his heart fluttered in his chest and he smiled...

XXX

In Seventh year it was traditional for the graduates to take part in a dance. The dance was held in the Great Hall and was for Seventh Years only. They had completed their exams and were eagerly anticipating the end of year celebration, the last evening in school and their last evening before adult hood grabbed them all by the throats and they were forced to assume responsibility.

“It’s a crock of shite.” Sirius said that morning.

“What is?” Remus asked curiously, he sipped his tea and folded the paper he had been reading.

“Becoming an adult...it’s boring.” Sirius huffed irritably and leaned on one hand while he put sugar in his own tea.

James chuckled. “You’ll never be an adult, Siri.”

Sirius rolled his eyes in James’ direction. “I don’t want to grow up, I don’t want a job and I certainly don’t want responsibility.”

“Oh...? So you’re Peter Pan.” Lily sat down at Sirius’ side and stole a peice of his toast. James wrapped an arm around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder as he smiled at Sirius.

“Who?” Sirius raised an eyebrow and snatched back his breakfast.

“Peter Pan, he’s a fairy tale character...he never wanted to grow up.”

“I can relate.”

“Living on your own means you will inevitably be burdened with responsibility even if you don’t have to get a job.” Remus said in a rational voice.

Sirius pouted at him. “Like what?”

“Like chores, paying bills...things like that.”

At the horror on his best friends face James laughed. “He’s never done a chore in his life, Moony.”

Remus gaped at Sirius with wide eyes. “Not even the washing up?”

Sirius sneered at the mere thought. “Ugh...no. Why would I dirty my hands with House elf work?”

“You’re forgetting who he is, Remus.” James muttered with a fond smile. “Sirius Black, Wizarding Royalty.”

Sirius straightened and adopted a regal air. “Of course, Potter. I’m rich and pure blood, I have never had to lift a finger to do such menial tasks as house work.” He smirked, ruining the whole image as hair fell into his eyes. “Do you reckon Dumbledore would notice is I stole a house elf?”

“Yes, I believe he would.” Remus sighed. “I’m going to be stuck with the chores aren’t I?”

“But how else are you going to pay rent, Moony?” Sirius asked with wide eyes. “You’re not staying at mine completely free of charge...so, unless you want to lend me the use of your body you’re going to have to use some elbow grease.”

Remus gave him a scathing look. “I wouldn’t let you within an inch of me, Black. You’re a filthy pouf.” He smirked to show that he was joking. Sirius put his hand over his forehead and fell backwards into Lily’s lap in a dramatic ‘woe is me’ pose.

“I’m wounded! Right in the heart!” He cried loudly as people stared at them. “How could you be so cruel to my poor little soul? I only ever wanted to love you!” He tried to pretend to cry into Lily’s robes but she pushed him out of his seat and onto the floor in a casual gesture before stealing some more of his toast. “Ow.” Sirius sat up, rubbing his head and smiling.

“Enough of the dramatics Padfoot, we have a party to prepare for.” James jumped out of his seat, planting a kiss on Lily’s cheek before dragging Sirius up and pulling him towards the Entrance Hall.

Peter stood and followed, it was all he ever seemed to do nowadays. He had been pushed into the background and left behind with hardly a second glance. He watched Remus run past him, calling out to James and Sirius as they ran up the stairs together; their arms around each other’s shoulders. He tried to catch up but before he knew it he was panting heavily, he paused on a set of stairs to catch his breath as he glared at his friends’ backs. He hated the fact that they were so close, he hated it when the three of them left him behind and he could feel the first tendrils of poisonous jealousy worm its way into his heart.

XXX

Peter would give his soul to look like Sirius. He sat on his bed and watched Sirius fussing with his hair while he stood before a mirror. He turned to the side and admired his reflection. Peter would have given his right arm to have James’ easy confidence, he could see James striding around the room completely in the buff. He had a small frown on his face and his hair was plastered to his forehead with water and he moved with an ease born of knowing exactly who he was and being loved all his life. Peter would have given his right leg to be as intelligent and hard working as Remus. Remus was lying on his bed and reading a book, it was an advanced Arthimancy one that made Peter’s head hurt. He would have given everything he was to be half as powerful as the three of them, he should have counted himself lucky he had been accepted into their tight-nit group. He should have been grateful for the tiniest show of respect from them, but he couldn’t. He was angry. He was jealous and he was sick to death of being treated as if he wasn’t even there.

“Jamie!” Sirius turned on James and Peter saw how his eyes raked his body before settling on his eyes. “Do I have a spot?” He asked fearfully, pointing to his forehead.

James sighed and walked close to him, he squinted at the spot Sirius was pointing before rolling his eyes. “No, you idiot. You’re perfect...as always.” A little jealousy tinted his voice and he pouted slightly.

Sirius turned back to his reflection. “You sure? It looks like one.”

“It’s not, Siri.” James smiled and put his arms around Sirius’ shoulders. “You’ll always be perfect to me, no matter what...” He breathed and began kissing Sirius’ throat. “Mm...”

“Please refrain from getting frisky in the dorms please, I don’t want to watch you have sex.” Remus said casually without looking up from his book.

“Oh Moony, there’s no need to be jealous.” Sirius smirked devilishly as he bounded over to Remus’ bed and leapt on top of him. “I can make allowances and you can have a go on this if that’s what you want...after all, friends should always share.”

Remus struggled out of Sirius’ grip and smacked him around the head. “I’m straight, Mr. Padfoot.”

“So was James, I put a stop to that nonsense.” Sirius grinned up at Remus from his place on the bed, his hair was splayed across the white sheets and he had a mischievous glitter in his eyes.

“Except James obviously harboured Homoerotic tendencies whereas I do not.” Remus smiled and turned away. “I’m going to take a shower.” He walked away and shook his head as Sirius’ chuckled followed him from the room.

XXX

James stood before the mirror straightening out his new dress robes, they were dark red with golden scroll work decorating the dagged sleeves. He adjusted his glasses and turned just as Sirius exited the bathroom, he smiled. Sirius looked fantastic in his elegant soft grey robes, they had silver embroidered birds flying up the hem and his sleeves nearly reached the floor. Sirius had woven silver ribbons through his hair to add to the whole outfit. He moved towards James as the hem of his robes dragged across the floor, he leaned close and his smile turned into a smirk. James frowned. “Are you...wearing make-up?” He asked suspiciously.

Sirius’ lips parted to reveal pointed teeth. “Of course, just a little kohl pencil that your lovely girlfriend lent me. What do you think?”

“It makes you look evil.” James replied with a smirk of his own.

“Then it achieves its desired effect.”

Remus entered the dorm, he was wearing slightly worn dress robes in a lovely dark blue with green accents. He smiled when he spotted his friends, Peter was behind him looking nervous in robes of dark brown. “Well, as usual Sirius will be the bell of the ball.” Remus said with a smirk as he ran his eyes up and down Sirius.

“It’s so hard being handsome.” Sirius said in his overly dramatic voice.

“You don’t look that great.” Peter muttered, Sirius looked at him and blinked once before the most seductive smile appeared on his lips. He took a sudden step backwards and nearly tripped on the hem of his robes, Sirius advanced with smooth, practised steps until he was inches from peter’s face.

“Please repeat that without looking away from my face.” He said in a deceptively sweet voice.

“Y-You don’t l-look that great...” Peter muttered but his eyes betrayed him by darting away, he flushed furiously. Who was he kidding? Sirius was beautiful, even he couldn’t deny it.

“Now why would you lie, Petey?” Sirius asked with a small sigh. “I know what I look like and I know how to use it. You need to stop being so jealous of something neither of us can help...being ugly isn’t your fault, nor is it mine.” He strode from the room without so much as a glance back.

James shook his head. “Ignore him, Peter, you’re fine.”

Peter was silent as his friends went down to the common room, he glared at the door as it swung shut behind his friends. He would get his revenge, he knew he had to humiliate Sirius in front of everyone now. He smirked to himself as a plan began to form in his head.

XXX

The Great Hall was decorated in brightly coloured flowers, balloons and glitter. A huge banner hung across the end of the hall with the Hogwarts crest on it ‘Congratulations’ was scrawled beneath it in elegant flowing script. “Wow, nice one.” Sirius said as he entered the hall.

“Yeah, the Head Boys and Girls from each house worked hard on it.” James said proudly and they walked over to the drinks table, helping themselves to punch. The room was not even half full, but everyone there was wearing bright colours and mingling with their friends. It was an almost sad event as some people would be leaving behind younger friends who still had a year of education to finish. For Sirius the ball marked the end of an era, Hogwarts had been the only place he had ever been truly safe and happy and now he was throwing himself into a world of darkness and danger, although he did have a thing for danger. He sipped his punch and leaned on James, his head resting on his shoulder as music played from a band in one corner. “You alright, Pads?”

Sirius looked up at James through his eyelashes. “I’m fine, Prongsy.” He smiled. “Let’s dance...” He grinned and held out his hand, James put aside his drink and took it.

Sirius laughed as he let James lead him around the dance floor, they cleared a path through the other dancers and gained much attention. They began to turn on the spot, moving apart before moving close again. They each had a smile on their faces.

Lily stood beside Remus as they watched the pair dance, she smiled and shook her head. “How is it that no one has noticed that they’re together?”

Remus shrugged. “Perhaps because people will only ever see what they wish to see, Homosexuality scares them so they refuse to see it even when it’s shoved right in their faces. Unless Sirius and James were to kiss, everyone here would be none-the-wiser.”

Lily agreed. “You’re right...it’s like Muggle’s and Magic...”

“Exactly.” Remus glanced at the woman at his side, she was wearing a lovely satiny-blue dress that had long sleeves and was low cut enough to reveal the tops of her breasts. He forced his eyes back to his friends and saw them rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. “What on earth...?”

“James tripped on his robes, when he fell he took Sirius with him.” Lily replied, she gave him a small, knowing smile before turning away again. Remus felt heat flush his face and cleared his throat nervously.

XXX

The night drew on and finally it was time to show some pictures that had been taken over the years, normally they would magically project the photographs onto a wall and reminisce. The images would be taken from Quidditch matches, dances, gatherings and holidays but the students would also submit their own pictures to be shown. Dumbledore waited for everyone to be seated and turned on the projector...

There was silence. It was like a choking blanket it was so complete. Sirius’ jaw dropped open as he gazed up at an enlarged image of himself. He couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t look away...

The photo was of Sirius bound to a bed, the covers were tangled beneath his body and his eyes were covered by a green and silver tie. He couldn’t remember the picture being taken but he must have been about fourteen or maybe fifteen, and he had slept with quite a few people. He began to shake slightly, people knew he was gay, he could never have kept it quiet for long but there was a huge difference in people knowing and actually seeing. The image, as was typical, was moving. Sirius could see the back of someone’s head between his legs and shuddered. Whoever had got a hold of the pictures was going to regret it.
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Amore et Amicitia