True Identity | By : chrmisha Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 5303 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Two years had passed since the war had ended, and still, thoughts of Helen, or whoever she was, invaded his mind. He had been furious that she had deceived him. But it was more than that. She was not a Muggle. She was a witch. And, from the sounds of it, she knew his past. That, more than anything, haunted him. She knew his past and she still fell in love with him.
He remembered their last evening together. He had had a feeling that the war would be ending soon and he would need to leave. He couldn’t take Helen with him. She knew nothing of his world. But he had wanted to take the memory of her with him. He knew she had been trying to tell him something all evening, but he had been too focused on creating a night both of them would never forget to worry about whatever it was that was bothering her. The letter she had left for him the next morning had stunned him. Whatever he was expecting, that certainly was not it.
He had gone over in his mind a million times who Helen could be. Chances were, it was someone from Hogwarts as he spent little time elsewhere. She had been in hiding as well, so it would have to be someone either on the side of the Order or running from the dark side. He had ruled out Hogwarts staff since none of them seemed to have taken a leave of absence before the end of the war. He had taught for so long, though, it could be any number of students, or someone he went to school with when he was at Hogwarts. She had said he hated her. In actuality, there were very few people he hated. But he also knew that most people wouldn’t recognize what she called his look of disdain and loathing for what it truly was: a mask that he hid behind. The chances of him really hating her were slim.
As he sat at a table in the Leaky Cauldron pondering his squandered past, the smell of smoke and stale ale invaded his senses. He had spent a long day collecting various supplies in Diagon and Knockturn Alleys. Dumbledore had promised him that when the war was over, he would be first in line to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. And so it was. Professor Snape was preparing for his second year as DADA instructor.
He swirled the brandy around in his glass, contemplating the gold colored liquid before taking a swig. He rarely drank, but he’d had a long day and thoughts of Helen plagued him more than ever. He kept hoping he would run into her in Diagon Alley. It was a foolish thought, though, because he surely wouldn’t know her even if he did see her. Helen’s appearance had been a disguise, as had been her name. He slammed the glass down on the table, liquor sloshing over the sides. Helen was a witch, not a Muggle. If he hadn’t been so damn stubborn and hard-headed, he would have given her the chance to explain. Perhaps they could have had a life together after all. But he had been too angry to see past his own nose that day. By the time he had realized his mistake, she was gone.
There was only one person who knew who Helen Garnell really was, and that was the person who had sent her into hiding. Since Albus Dumbledore had delivered Severus to her home, he had obviously been her Secret Keeper. But Dumbledore had died in the battle against the Dark Lord and now he would never know who the woman that turned his world upside down was. He never thought he, Severus Snape, would fall prey to a woman. And now he would never know who that woman was. He had thrown away the one good thing that had come his way, all for the sake of his wounded pride.
“May I join you?”
He looked up to see who dared interrupt him. Her, of all people. It had to be her. “Are you so desperate, Miss Granger, as to desire my company?” His words were cold and bitter.
Hermione gritted her teeth, the look of apprehension on her face quickly replaced by anger. “Are you so desperate to avoid my company, Severus?” she asked in the same cold manner.
“Yes.” He paused to study the insolent young woman. “And I did not give you leave to use my first name, Miss Granger,” he said, glaring at her and hoping she would leave him in peace. He had no desire to be chatty with anyone this evening.
He watched as she steadied her shoulders and took a deep breath. He wondered what he would have to do to get rid of her. Perhaps he was being unfair, but he was not in the mood for company and she obviously couldn’t take a hint.
“Is there no one whose company you desire?”
He turned his face away for her. There was only one person whose company he desired, but he knew he would never see that woman again. “There is no one whose company I desire.” He took another drink of brandy before returning his icy gaze to her. “Now please leave.”
Snape was surprised to see the momentary look of hurt in her eyes. It was quickly replaced by outrage.
“You truly are a bastard, Professor. I thought you had changed. But I see that I was sadly mistaken.” Her words dripped with venom as she turned on her heel and stormed away, but not before he saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. Why on earth would she care if he wanted her company? Why would she even seek him out? He shook the troublesome Gryffindor from his mind and returned to his brandy.
Moments later, a familiar song invaded his senses. Although he rarely paid any attention to his surroundings since the war had ended, something was hauntingly familiar about the tune that played through the Leaky Cauldron. He found himself listening more closely.
love, I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
Images of Helen flashed through his mind. Helen in his arms, slow dancing to the Muggle tune she had claimed to be one of her favorites. Snape closed his eyes, trying to block the painful images from his mind. But her green eyes were looking at him, innocence and longing sketched across her face.
in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
oh, I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes
He clenched his fists. Why on earth were they playing this Muggle song in a Wizarding bar?
The song finally finished. Could he never escape her memory? He was the one who had wanted to make memories he reminded himself. Now all he wanted to do was forget them, forget her; forget the woman who haunted his dreams. He finished the rest of his brandy and stood to leave. Just then, Tom, the barkeep, stepped up to his table.
“Has your lady friend left for the evening?”
“I have been alone all evening, Tom.”
Tom looked confused for a moment. “But I saw her speaking with you moments ago. She asked me to play this song for her. She called it a Muggle CD or something. She had to charm the audio system so it would work. She said it was real important that I play it right then. I didn’t expect her to leave without it. Would you mind returning it to her?” Tom asked, handing the CD to Snape.
Snape accepted the CD and nodded. He stared down at the flat, shiny disc, turning it over and over in his hands. Images of Helen placing it into that contraption at her cottage that spewed music throughout the room raced through his mind. Helen Garnell. Hermione Granger. H. G.
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
He put his head in his hands.
love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
He had let her slip away from him once. He would not make the same mistake twice.
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
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