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Resolution	By : chrmisha Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 8076 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Resolution : Chapter 5 of 13

Severus rocked her small body in his arms, holding her tight to his chest. His heart was racing. He knew that every place in Hogwarts was protected by charms and wards, such that students could not jump from high places or otherwise do injury to themselves. He had checked those wards when he arrived at the unused tower; indeed they were intact. Still, the momentary panic that had rocked him when she fell backwards before being caught by the wards was enough to make his head spin and bile rise in his throat.

Hermione looked up at him with brown eyes that could melt a man�s heart. �Do you really love me?�

�Yes, I do,� he whispered.

�You never told me.�

�I thought you had quite enough to concern yourself with.�

She snuggled closer into his chest, tears clinging to her wind-burned cheeks. �Take me home, Severus.�

�Home?� he asked, unsure of her request.

�To your chambers.�

Severus�s was stunned by her words. She considered his chambers home? Well, now was not the time to question the woman who might still change her mind about taking her own life. Instead, he made his way back down the tower stairs with her in his arms. It suddenly occurred to him that he was clinging to her as fiercely as she clung to him.

Severus set Hermione down on the couch in his study. Harry had been right. She was far too thin and she had not been sleeping. What could account for this sudden change? As if noticing that he was cataloging her condition, she shrank further into the couch, trying to hide from his gaze.

He knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his. The timid look in her eyes made him decide that interrogating her could wait. Instead, he asked, �Are you hungry?�

She looked relieved. �Famished, actually.�

Lunch was a pleasant enough affair. She couldn�t remember the last time she had been able to eat in peace. She could see Severus�s watchful eyes; he was making sure she eating the food on her plate. If you only knew, she thought to herself. Although he wasn�t pressuring her to talk at that precise moment, she knew he would not let her off the hook so easily. He would have had to be blind not to notice her dreadful appearance. She herself had been shocked when she looked in the mirror that morning; she had lost too much weight and the lack of sleep showed on her face. She was relieved that he was giving her a little time though. Time to get used to the idea of being back in the one place she felt safe. Time to tell him what had happened that had sent her into this downward spiral.

He allowed her the luxury of a nap and bath before dinner. She relished in both. Dinner was quiet and contemplative. She knew he was waiting for her to bring up the subject, but she couldn�t seem to bring herself to shatter the sliver of peace she found here with him. She returned to his chambers to get ready for bed. He had laid out a pair of silk green pajamas for her. She had to laugh when she slipped into them. The top was supposed to be short sleeved, but the sleeves went past her elbows. And while it probably only came to Severus�s waist, the top drifted down to the middle of her thighs. The pants slid off her hips and pooled at her feet; they were no use at all. Instead, she opted for wearing just the top.

When she finally emerged from his chambers, he was sitting in his study, contemplating the fire with a scowl on his face. She studied him from the doorway for a long moment. The man she loved, the man that loved her.

�Are you going to stare at me all evening?� Severus inquired, still staring into the fire.

She blushed. �No, I suppose not.�

Their eyes met and he patted the place next to him on the couch. She joined him on the couch, covering her bare legs with a blanket. It was nice to be sitting here with him again, the warmth of the fire taking the chill out of the dungeons.

She took a deep breath and sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder. �I suppose you�d like to know why I�m here?�

She felt his arm wrap around her shoulder and closed her eyes. Comfort; pure and simple.

�I wasn�t trying to starve myself, if that�s what you were wondering,� she began, not sure where to start. She knew his silence meant that he was listening, waiting for the whole sordid story to pour out of her. Still leaning against him, she tucked her legs beneath her and settled in.

After many moments had passed, she finally said, �I can�t go back there.�

�What happened, Hermione?� His voice was full of concern.

She closed her eyes, trying to block out the memories and the tears that sprang to her eyes. �His name is Rowland Deveron. He is in almost all of my classes. At first, I hardly noticed him. But soon it became obvious even to me that he was going out of his way to talk to me. He sat by me in class and seemed like a perfect gentleman most of the time. And since everyone else seemed to be avoiding me, his attentiveness was kind of nice. Soon, I began to see him everywhere; wherever I was, he was. He started sitting by me at lunch and dinner. For the most part, we just talked about school and such. Once in awhile, he would reach out to touch me, but that made me uncomfortable. I thought I was just being oversensitive.�

�Then one night, my roommate from first year invited me to a party at her boyfriend�s house. I really didn�t want to go, but she insisted. She promised me it would just be a small gathering. It wasn�t. After dragging me inside, she quickly deserted me. That was when Rowland showed up. At first I was relieved because he was someone I knew and someone I thought I could trust. He had never given me any reason not to trust him. Although I felt uncomfortable around him sometimes, I thought it was just me being uncomfortable around men in general.�

She wiped away her tears and felt Severus draw her in closer. �He led me to a secluded corner to get away from the crowd. He offered to get me something to drink and I told him I didn�t drink alcohol. So he got me a sparkling pumpkin juice instead. Then he started getting fresh and I told him I wasn�t interested and wanted to leave. He made some comment about me finishing my drink after all the trouble he went through to get it. I should have known��

Regaining her composure, she continued. �When I tried to stand up to leave, I got very dizzy. I realized then that he must have put something in my drink. He didn�t waste any time forcing himself on me. I tried to fight him, but the drug made me weak.�

She knew the second Severus�s heart rate and breathing changed. She could feel the anger emanating off of him. �What did he do to you, Hermione?� His voice was calm, even though she knew he was seething beneath his controlled exterior.

She swallowed. �He only got as far as holding me down and putting his hand in my pants. It was what he said that really got to me. He called me �the Malfoy whore.��

�I knew then what everyone had been whispering when they saw me. I was known around campus as the Malfoy whore. I think I was angrier at that moment than I had ever been before. I felt a rush of adrenaline and it overpowered the effects of the drug. I was able to push him off of me and Apparate back to my dorm room, where I passed out on the floor.�

�I was worried about going to classes the following week, but I didn�t think he would harass me in public. I was wrong. He made a point of sitting next to me in class and making lewd comments to me. Then he started harassing me after class and threatening to �have his way with me� just as soon as he caught me walking alone down some deserted corridor. I was terrified of being alone. I was terrified of him.� She paused and shuttered at the thought of him.

�Then he started waiting for me in the cafeteria. He constantly taunted me about what he and his buddies were going to do to me. Soon I stopped going to my classes and I stopped going to the cafeteria. I was too afraid to run into him. I knew sooner or later he would grab me and I�d disappear, just like with Lucius.�

�It was more than just me being afraid of what he would do to me, though. It was the things he said. He never called me Hermione anymore, he always called me the Malfoy whore, which then turned into �my whore.� He said that a Mudblood whore like me was only good for one thing. He said I wanted what was done to me, just like I wanted him. He said that I liked it. That I begged for it. I didn�t want Lucius to rape me, I didn�t. And I didn�t like it. But�� Her words were cut off as she broke into sobs.

�But what Hermione?�

�But I did beg for it. I begged Lucius to rape me. He would do things to me that were so incredibly awful that him raping me seemed better than whatever else he was doing or going to do. I asked for it, Severus. I didn�t want to, but I did.�

�Look at me,� Severus commanded roughly.

When Hermione finally turned to meet his eyes, he said, �You did NOT ask for Lucius to rape you. The only choice you had was to choose the lesser of two evils. That does not mean that you wanted him to do the evil things he did to you. It simply means that you did what you had to do to survive.�

�It was so awful, Severus,� she said, burying her head in his chest.

She felt him inhale sharply as he held her to him, stroking her back. �I know.�

�If it�s not Lucius, it�s Rowland. If not him, it�ll be someone else. I�m damaged goods, Severus. No one will ever look at me as anything more than a whore, someone to be used and thrown out. Not someone to love and cherish and make a wife. I don�t want to live like that.�

She felt him stiffen beneath her, but she continued. �And it doesn�t matter anyway, because I could never let a man touch me again, not ever. So what good am I?�

When Hermione finally looked up at Severus, his eyes were blazing. She blinked, surprised by the intensity they held.

�You, Miss Granger, are NOT a whore, nor are you so-called �damaged goods.� You are the most brilliant, beautiful, and amazing witch I have ever met, and I, for one, would marry you in a heartbeat. As for letting a man touch you, Hermione, if it�s the right man, anything is possible.� His hand grazed her cheek, wiping away the tears that had fallen there.

�How can you even want me, after everything he did to me?�

�Because, Hermione, no one has ever made love to you before.�

She looked away. �And no one ever will.�

�Why�s that?� his rich voice inquired.

�Because I can�t stand a man touching me.�

The back of his hand brushed across her cheek once again, while his other arm was still possessively wrapped around her back. �I�m touching you now, Hermione.�

As her eyes met his, she saw for the first time that the love that she had secretly held for this man was reflected in his eyes for her. She wanted to believe this was possible, this thing between them, but she knew better. She looked away, too consumed with grief to meet his eyes any longer.

�I could never have sex with a man, not after what happened.�

�You can, Hermione, you can and you will. But I�m not talking about sex, I�m talking about making love. What happened to you was not sex; you were raped. There is no comparison.�

�Still, it�s too painful. I never want to experience that pain again.�

�Making love should never be painful. It is beautiful and magical and full of pleasure.�

She closed her eyes, shaking her head.

�Even if you�re right, and even if I could do that again, which I highly doubt, no man would be willing to wait for me to get to that point.�

�The right man would wait for you.� He leaned his cheek on the top of her head and whispered, �I would wait for you.�

�Even if it took me ten years?� she asked sarcastically.

�Yes, even if it took you ten years.�

She sat back and looked at him. �Why?�

His eyes bore as much sincerity as his voice. �Because you are worth it.�

She took a deep breath. �I�m afraid.�

�What are you afraid of?�

�I�m afraid you don�t love me as much as�� she swallowed and closed her eyes, �as much as I love you. I�m afraid you don�t really want me and that I�m just setting myself up for heartbreak.� She paused and met his eyes. �I�m afraid of being vulnerable.�

�Don�t be,� he said, his dark eyes burning with love. �You have nothing to be afraid of, not from me.�

�I know, but I�m still scared.�

His gaze was intense. Before she knew what she was going to say, she blurted out, �Will you kiss me?�

At that he looked taken aback. She pulled away, suddenly embarrassed by her words as well as confirming he didn�t really feel the way she felt about him.

He lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. �I would love to kiss you, Hermione, but are you sure?�

As she looked into his eyes there wasn�t anything she was more sure of in her life. �Yes,� she said, leaning into him.

***

Severus�s heart raced at her request. There was nothing he wanted more than to kiss the beautiful witch in front of him. But more than that, he didn�t want to scare her. He didn�t want to rush her. He never wanted her to feel she was being forced into anything with him. He never wanted her to recoil from his touch. He wanted her to make the first move. He wanted her to be ready. He didn�t want her to regret anything they did together. And now she was asking him to kiss her.

He grazed his lips across her, gently at first, teasingly almost. Her lips were soft and smooth and he wanted more of them, but he restrained himself. Now was not the time to rush things, even though his body was begging to differ. He kissed her again; still chaste, but a little longer. When their lips touched the third time, she pulled him closer, wrapping her arms around his neck. Without conscious thought, his tongue slipped into her mouth, searching for hers. Her response sent hot waves of desire coursing through his body. He longed to wrap her tightly in his arms and lay her down on the couch, kiss her until she was breathless and ready and eager. But he knew he couldn�t do that; not tonight anyway. He reined in his desire and focused on showing her the potential of a mere kiss.

He ran his hands through her hair, separating her curls. The feel of her body pressed against his was exquisite. When she slid her hand under his shirt and up his back, a moan escaped from him. Gods, she felt good; better than he could have ever imagined. And Merlin knew he spent plenty of time imagining what she would feel like.

When she ran her free hand through his hair, he had to struggle to hang on. This was escalating beyond his wildest dreams, at least for him. Reluctantly, he maneuvered their kiss to an end, holding her back slightly to see her flushed cheeks, her heavy-lidded eyes. He gently kissed her swollen lips, trailing his kisses across her cheek to her neck before pulling her into an embrace.

�Thank you,� she whispered.

�With the right man, Hermione, anything is possible.�

***

She was still reeling from his kiss. She had never experienced anything like that before. She had never thought it possible. Although she�d had a crush on Severus since the summer, try as she might, she could only conjure vague images of what it would be like to kiss him. Anything beyond that was totally out of the question. But nothing in her wildest dreams lived up to the way his kiss made her feel: warm and tingly and safe and loved. She felt loved by a man: the way a man loves a woman, the way a husband loves a wife. She thanked him, as much for the kiss as for how he made her feel.

�Severus?� she asked, pulling out of his embrace. She noted that his eyes still blazed for her.

�Will you sleep with me tonight? I don�t want to be alone. I want� I want to fall asleep in your arms and I want to wake up in the morning still in your arms. I want to know this isn�t a dream.�

His eyes softened. �It would be my pleasure.�

Hermione crawled into Severus�s huge, soft bed. She smelled his scent on the pillows. Wrapping herself in the luxurious covers, she smiled. After everything that had happened to her, this was the only place that felt like home. At that thought, a wave of anxiety went through her. She pushed it away. At least for tonight, she would relish that feeling, and, she would be safe.

Hermione smiled as Severus crawled into bed next to her, his hair still damp from his shower. He wore a pair of black lounge pants and a white button-down shirt, untucked.

As she snuggled against him, the sensation of coldness seeped through the thin cotton covering his chest. �You�re freezing!� she proclaimed. Realizing what he had done and why, she blushed furiously, averting her eyes from his.

He just smirked, and kissed her on the forehead. �Go to sleep, my dear.�

Together they lay in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Hermione could no longer contain her anxiety.

�Severus?� she said, the worry she was trying to hide creeping into her voice.

He reached out and brushed a stray curl from her face, concern in his eyes, �What is it?�

�I don�t want to go back to Gladwick. Ever.�

He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment. �Well, I imagine we�ll have to go back at least once to get your belongings, don�t you?�

She searched his eyes; he wasn�t joking. �But you once said that it wouldn�t be inappropriate for me to share your quarters during the semester if we weren�t married.� As soon as the words left her mouth, she wanted to pull them back. She realized just how presumptuous it was to assume that he would even want her here with him. Surely he was thinking she would return to the Burrow.

But his eyes were warm. �There are ways, Miss Granger, there are ways.�

�Oh,� was all she managed to say, a smile slipping across her lips.

She rolled over so that her back was against his chest. She curved her body into his so that they were perfectly aligned from head to toe. Nuzzling her head under his chin, she murmured, �Good night, Severus.�

She felt him release the breath she hadn�t been aware he was holding until his chest started to move against her back.

�Good night, Hermione.�

She snuggled into him as he put his arm around her, holding her close. Her last thought before drifting off to sleep was: Home.
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Resolution