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Lost and Found	By : TheLibrarian Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 3257 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Disclaimer:
Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling.
I�m just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine
Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to
me. You belong to yourself.

A/N: You will finally find out what happened to Jane
thirteen years ago. I tried to keep the graphic details to a minimum, but it is
violent. Those of you, who are squeamish, please skip to the next chapter.
Children should definitely leave the room now.

***

I'm going to take you to

My special place

It's a place that you

Like no one else I know

Might appreciate

I don't go there with anyone--but

You're a special case

My
Special Place,
Joni Mitchell

Chapter
Five � Windows of the Soul, Part I

Halloween
came and passed. It was the middle of November, and winter was fast approaching.
Not a day went by when the north wind didn�t howl menacingly around the austere
walls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The scent of snow was in
the air.

Jane wrapped
her cloak tighter around herself as she made her way across the school grounds.
In the distance, she could make out a feeble circle of light.

��oi, who goes there?�

�It�s me, Hagrid, Jane Sinclair,� she called out into the night.

Hogwarts�
gamekeeper approached, holding a bull�s-eye lantern high, so he could make out
her face. He gave a satisfied nod when he recognized her.

�Oh, �ello, Professor,� he boomed down at her. �What are you
doing out here so late?�

The wind
picked up and Jane shivered underneath her cloak.

�I�m�just
out for a walk,� she mumbled.

Hagrid studied her for a moment and shrugged. He had no
reason to doubt her. Jane hated to deceive him, but she knew he wasn�t aware of
her lessons with Severus. She wasn�t even sure
whether he had recognized her. He certainly hadn�t shown any signs of knowing
her when McGonagall had introduced her to him at the beginning of term.

�Well,� he
said jovially, apparently impervious to the cold and her discomfort. �So, how
are you gettin� along then? Everybody treating ye alright?�

�Sure, Hagrid,� she said miserably. Her teeth began to chatter.

�Ye haven�t
been to see me, yet, professor,� he told her glumly. �Ye said you wanted to see
me thestrals.�

The freezing
wind on her face made her eyes water. �I�m sorry, Hagrid,�
Jane murmured.

The gentle
giant mistook her reaction. He patted her clumsily on the shoulder. �No need to
cry, now,� he comforted her awkwardly. �I know ye�ve
been busy, getting� back into the swing of things and all that. Jus� come by
some time and we�ll have some tea.�

Jane nodded
jerkily. �Sure, Hagrid.�

�Right, then.� He sighed. �Well, I better be off now. Don�t
stay out too late now, professor.�

�I won�t,�
she called after him as he walked away.

As soon as
he was out of sight, she picked up her robes and sprinted to the Whomping Willow. Jane was running late and she didn�t feel
like sitting through another of Severus� rants about
the importance of punctuality. She wasn�t particularly looking forward to
tonight�s lesson, anyway. When Remus had told her
that Severus was an accomplished master of Legilimency and Occlumency, Jane
hadn�t been surprised. Without such talents, Severus
wouldn�t have been able to survive for so many years, spying for the Order. And
that worried her. After her dream, it had taken her weeks to feel comfortable
in his presence again. She hadn�t been able to look at him, afraid he would
guess the truth. For weeks she�d been tongue-tied and unable to concentrate on
her assignments while he watched her attentively. That one dream had reduced her
to the hare-brained ninny he thought her to be. No, she really didn�t feel like
talking with him about exploring the mind.

Minutes
later, Jane, chilled to the bone, hurried into Snape�s
den and rushed immediately to the fireplace. She thrust her fingers dangerously
close to the fire and didn�t remove them until she felt the circulation return
to her digits.

�You are
late, Jane,� Severus greeted her coldly from the
other side of the room.

Startled,
she whirled around to face him. �I� I�m sorry. I ran into Hagrid.�

�Pray, do
tell.�

�It doesn�t
concern you.� She didn�t care for his mocking tone.

�Oh, but it
does, Jane,� he contradicted her dryly, �particularly, when it causes my
student to be late for her lesson.�

His voice
sent shivers through her body. Ever since her dream she�d become aware of his
voice. Of its low sensual timbre, which she, like so many, had mistaken for a
monotonous drone. But when he spoke now, the subtle
nuances in tone were caressing her like luxurious silk. She involuntarily
shivered and Severus noticed it.

He rose
quickly and swept through the room. He came to stand in front her and studied
her closely. She felt his eyes roam over her face, taking in her watery eyes, frost-nipped
pink cheeks, and pale lips. His dark eyes widened in indignation.

�That oaf,�
he exclaimed suddenly. Severus grabbed her shoulders
and turned her towards the fire. �I�ll have his head for keeping you out in the
cold for so long!�

Jane�s mouth
fell open and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. Severus
felt protective towards her? Impossible. She frowned,
thinking furiously. Of course, she finally rationalized. He feared for the
ramifications it would have for him, should anything happen to her. She didn�t
like the sound of that and, oddly, that annoyed her. She stepped out of his
grasp.

�Please
don�t be upset, Severus,� she tried to diffuse the
situation. �I decided to stop and talk to him. After all, we can�t have
him growing suspicious.�

�No, I guess
not,� he agreed, studying her thoughtfully. He waved a wand and a glass
appeared in front of her.

�Drink
this,� he ordered her.

Jane took
the glass with trembling hands and peered inside. She sniffed cautiously. It
smelled rather nicely. She fixed Severus with a
suspicious gaze. If he tried to get her drunk, or � perish the thought! � slip
her something, he�d have another thing coming.

As though
he�d guessed her thoughts, he scowled darkly and snapped at her.

�Oh, for the
love of� just drink it.�

She eyed the
amber liquid once more and took a careful sip. Instant warmth hit her as the firewhiskey trickled down her throat. She sighed contently
as the heat began to suffuse her body and she downed the remaining liquid in
one gulp.

�Mmm,� she sighed once more. �Just what the doctor ordered.�

�Excuse me?�

She noticed
his confusion at the unfamiliar term and smiled. �It�s a Muggle
expression,� she informed him. �It means that something is the perfect remedy
for a condition or solution for a problem.�

�I see.�

Jane
shrugged out of her cloak. �All right,� she announced. �I�m warm now.�

Severus nodded towards one of the two armchairs, which had been
placed to face each other. He waited until she was seated before he sat down in
his usual swift manner. He stretched his arms to adjust his robes and leaned
slightly forward.

�Now, then,�
he asked her, �have you prepared for tonight�s lesson?�

Jane nodded.
�I�ve read the books you suggested.�

�Good. Then
you can tell me the difference between Legilimency
and Occlumency.�

�Legilimency,� Jane began to recite dutifully, �is the
ability to enter another person�s mind and extract their memories� and
feelings. Occlumency, on the other hand, is the
ability to ward off any attempts of Legilimency. To
prevent a person from entering one�s mind.�

�Those
are the definitions, yes. But there is much more to know, Jane. Legilimency, in the wrong hands, can be a dangerous ability
� a weapon, if you wish. During a confrontation, an accomplished Legilimens can enter the opponent�s mind and use what can
be seen there to his advantage. Occlumency is the
only way to counter such an invasion of the mind.�

Jane
frowned. Hadn�t she just told him exactly the same thing?

�It takes
many years of intense training to become an accomplished Legilimens,
Jane,� he continued, oblivious to her scowl. �Occlumency,
on the other hand depends more on the strength of the mind and one�s ability to
control one�s thoughts. Chaos maybe one way to counter and confuse a Legilimens, but it usually results only in a more forceful
follow-up attack.�

She could
appreciate that. Confusion isn�t an effective long-term offensive.

�Good, I see
you follow.�

It wasn�t
exactly brain surgery, Jane thought grimly. Patience wasn�t Severus�
strong side. Beneath that cool indifferent demeanor was a very impatient man
with an explosive temper. But when he did force himself to be patient, he would
talk down to her as though she was a three-year old.

�Now,� he
said, pulling his wand from his robes. �I shall attempt to enter your mind.�

�What,� she
squeaked alarmed. �You never said anything about that.�

His mouth
twisted wryly. �Unfortunately, theory and practice must go hand in hand for
true understanding to develop.�

Jane paled.

�Once you
will feel my presence,� Severus continued, ignoring
her distress, �I want you to erect a mental wall. Just like you fight off the Imperius Curse, you must force me out of your mind, Jane.
Use whatever means you think necessary to ward off my assault. I will not
leave, until I sense your response. Do you understand that?�

It all
sounded even worse than what she�d imagined. �I think so, Severus.
Um,� she swallowed and nervously licked her lips. �What will you be able to
see?�

His lips
pulled into a sardonic smile. �Anything your mind chooses to show me.�

�I don�t
think I very much care for that,� she told him quietly, hoping beyond hope that
he would abandon the idea.

More than
anything, she feared what he might see once he delved into her mind. For
thirteen years, she had held on to her secret. Only few knew of the actual
events that had transpired during her sixth year at Hogwarts. She doubted that
even McGonagall and the other members of the Order knew the details of her
banishment. Each and every one who had been involved in the Wizengamot�s
inquisition had been subjected to the Unbreakable Vow. Others had had their
memories modified.

�No one ever
does, Jane,� he told her sardonically.

She groaned
inwardly and closed her eyes in silent resignation.

�You may use
your wand to defend yourself, Jane.� It sounded very much like an afterthought.

She pulled
out her wand and imitated Severus� gesture. �Okay,�
she murmured, steeling herself.

�Very well,
then. Now, brace yourself. Legilimens!� Black eyes bored into green ones.

Jane thought
she would be ready for him, but his assault took her by surprise. She struggled
to ward him off, tried to build a wall. His presence, however, was immovable, and
she knew that he could see the same images that flashed through her mind.

�Well
done!� A portly red-faced elderly man smiled proudly at her. �It took your father
much longer to win his first game of chess against me.�

Between
them sat a chessboard with the ruined figurines of a recent game scattered
across it.

No, Jane thought.
That was no longer her life. She fought back the memory and found herself back
in the Shrieking Shack.

�Well done,
Jane.� Severus sounded both surprised and pleased.
She suppressed a smile. �Let�s try it again, shall we? Legilimens!�

Her smile
faded.

�My, how you have grown!� The same elderly man
smiled kindly at her. �I still remember you � a slip of a girl, no higher than
a broomstick � learning how to play chess. And now you�re off to Hogwarts.
Here�� He handed her a beautifully worked hand-carved wooden box. She opened it
with trembling fingers. It contained a full set of exquisitely carved chess
figurines. She gave a squeal of delight and threw herself into his welcoming
arms.

�Thank
you, grandfather!�

�I
thought you could use this to play with your friends,� he murmured into her
ear.

No, Jane
thought again. She didn�t want to remember. She struggled to stop the memories,
to close her mind. To no avail. Severus
delved deeper, too powerful to be refused. The scene shifted.

Large
carved wood doors swung open, and she was herded, along with other first years,
towards the dais at the other end of the Great Hall. She felt dwarfed by the
intimidating grandeur that surrounded her. Countless stares were fixed on her
and the other first years, and her nervousness only subsided, once she was
sorted into Ravenclaw House and took her seat at the
house table.

The scene began
to shift again. The images chased each other in rapid succession now � her
first ride on a broom, her first successfully cast spell, her first trip to Hogsmeade, her first kiss� Suddenly, one memory took
precedence over the others.

�You are
punctual, Miss Fenton,� a man�s voice addressed her from the corner of the
room. �It is a welcome change from your classmates� usual tardiness.�

She stepped
across the threshold and the door slammed shut behind her with an ominous thud.
She swirled around, but the way was shut. �Professor Beadle?�

�No need
to worry,� the man said again, rising. He was a young wizard, barely thirty,
handsome in a conventional sort of way. He had a blond mop of hair and friendly
blue eyes. His face was clean-cut and his lips full. His attire was the latest
fashion. �If we want your detention to pass as quickly as possible, we cannot
have any interruptions.�

She
nodded, still slightly disconcerted. This was her first detention and she
wasn�t sure what to do. She was a good student. She had a perfect attendance
record. She�d never been in any kind of trouble.

NO! Jane
shook her head. No more. She used all of her strength to tear herself from the
memory, knowing what would come next. The scene before her dissolved slowly.
She could feel Severus� presence gradually recede
from her mind and she pushed harder. All of a sudden, he left her mind and she
could breathe easier. When her vision cleared, she found Severus
studying her closely. Unconcealed curiosity flashed in his eyes.

�You took
too long,� he chided her. �If this had been a real attack, your enemy would
have retrieved all your knowledge.�

Jane
snorted. It had felt real enough. He had probed deeply into her mind and dug up
memories she had spent thirteen years to suppress.

�Let�s try
again, Jane. And, please, show a little more effort this time.�

Jane tried
to clear her mind, wipe it clean. She didn�t want him to invade her thoughts
again. She didn�t want him to see.

�Legilimens!�

This time,
again, she was helpless against his assault. He penetrated her mind with such
force and determination, it broke down all the
barriers she had ever erected to protect herself. Severus
forced himself relentlessly into her mind, intent on invading her very soul. He
would not be denied.

�Step
closer, Miss Fenton,� Professor Beadle invited her.

She
approached hesitantly until she reached her desk. Unsure what to do next, she
put down her satchel and looked expectantly at her Dark Arts teacher.

Professor
Beadle leaned against his desk. �You know, of course, why I gave you
detention?�

She
nodded, not meeting his eyes. She was ashamed of what had happened in class
earlier. No doubt her parents had learned of it by now and were properly
mortified at her undignified behavior.

�You
hexed a fellow student so badly, he had to be taken to
the hospital.�

She
nodded again, remembering clearly.

�This, in
itself, could be overlooked, considering that we were practicing hexes
and counter-jinxes in class. You, however, chose to employ a hex, which, in all
fairness, is beyond the scope of this class.�

�I�m
sorry, Professor Beadle. I didn�t think it would matter how I defended
myself.�

�You are
a bright young witch. A very clever one, indeed. I
assume you were studying some of the advanced spell books in the library?�

She
nodded. �I also practiced secretly.�

�Did you
now?� Professor Beadle cocked an eyebrow, his curiosity awakened.

�Yes, Sir. I didn�t go home for the holidays and
it seemed like a good way to occupy my time.�

�I see.�
He suddenly got up and gestured for her to come closer. �Let�s see, then, what
you taught yourself.�

He pulled
out his wand and lazily waved it through the air. Several of the desks moved
towards the wall, leaving a space in the center of the room.

�Come on,
Miss Fenton. Don�t be shy now,� he encouraged her.

She
inched closer and also pulled out her wand.

�Right, then.� Professor Beadle took his dueling
position and she imitated his stance. �Give me the best you have.�

She
stared at him for a moment, then concentrated and hexed him with a nonverbal
spell. Her eyes grew round when she saw her Dark Arts teacher being propelled
through the air and crash heavily onto a desk. He slid off stiffly and limped
painfully towards her.

�That,�
he grimaced, �was well done, Miss Fenton. Well done, indeed. Again.�

They
dueled back and forth, and it soon became clear that the student had surpassed her
teacher. The professor�s easy smile quickly disappeared and was replaced by an
expression of grim determination.

�There is
no doubt. You have vastly improved, Miss Fenton,� he complemented her through
clenched teeth.

Her gaze
fell upon the clock above his desk. �I better go now, Professor. My detention
was over fifteen minutes ago.�

�Oh no,
my dear,� he told her coldly. �We will finish this. I will not have you make a
fool of me.�

�But I
never��

�Oh no? You are a sixth year, Miss Fenton. It
is inconceivable that you should best me. It took me years to hone these
same abilities, which you seem to master so easily.�

�Professor��

�Silence!� Gone was the amiable Dark Arts teacher
his students adored. The friendly man, who went out of his way to make sure all
his students progressed well and took the time to listen to their problems. In
his place was a man teetering on the edge of self-control. His face was
distorted into a mask of utter dislike.

Fear
grabbed her. She stared at him in horror, unsure what his next action would be.
A dangerous crazy glint crept into his eyes, and she began to tremble. She had
a bad feeling about this, and the punishment for attacking a teacher was most
severe. Nonetheless, she slowly raised her wand.

�Expelliarmus,� he screamed wildly, thrusting her
backward with the force of his spell.

Truly
frightened now, she raised her wand and retaliated. Beadle was thrown off his
feet and crumbled into a pitiful heap. When he didn�t move, she went to him,
worried that she might have done him serious harm. However, as soon as she
reached him, his arm shot out and grabbed her leg. She gave a startled scream,
when he dragged her to the floor and wrestled her wand out of her hand. He
straddled her, caught her hands in one of his and stretched them high above her
head. With his other hand, he pointed his wand at her face.

�It
seems,� he panted harshly, �you are not as clever as you think you are. Never,
Miss Fenton, approach a fallen enemy, unless you know for certain that he is
dead.�

She
struggled beneath him, trying to break free. �Let me go.�

�Oh no,
Miss Fenton,� he growled. �You stay put. I finally have you where you can no
longer cause me bodily harm.�

�Please
let me go,� she pleaded helplessly.

He stared
down at her, obviously enjoying her distress. A nasty look of superiority fell
over his face, and before she could guess his intent, he bent down and kissed
her hard on the mouth.

�Professor,�
she sobbed frightened.

Her
distress, however, only seemed to provoke him more.

�Now,� he
told her callously, �you shall see what happens to those who dare slight me.�

He tugged
away his wand and moved his hand to her thigh.

�No,� she
cried and bucked, but his weight kept her firmly in place.

�Oh,
yes,� he hissed and brutally yanked up her skirt.

Suddenly,
he let go of her hands and grabbed her chin. His crazed eyes bored into her
panicked ones.

�Prepare
to be taught a very important lesson, Miss Fenton.�

Beadle
kissed her again, crushing her lips painfully against her teeth. He bit her
lower lip and smiled triumphantly when she gave a groan of pain. �Pace yourself, Miss Fenton,� he murmured against her lips, �there
is still more to come.�

Completely
immobilized by his bulk, she was forced to endure his weight as he cruelly
pushed her thighs apart and moved between her legs. Beadle felt his way roughly
to the junction between her legs and tore away the thin cotton of her
underpants. He groped her viciously, before loosening his trousers to free
himself. His lips sought hers, but she jerked her head away, and he slapped her
once, hard. Without preamble, he held on to her shoulders as he buried his head
against her neck and thrust brutally into her.

Unprepared
for his painful invasion, a shocked scream tore from her lips. His ragged
breath was hot against her skin as he drove himself repeatedly into her.

She desperately clawed at his body and face, begging him to stop, but Beadle
was relentless. The metallic stench of blood filled her nostrils and she cried
out again. He continued to push into her ruthlessly, intent on punishing her
for humiliating him.

Gritting
her teeth, she closed her eyes to shut out the painful assault by the man she
had admired only an hour ago. His betrayal intensified the pain of his physical
attack on her innocence. The tears were streaming freely now, and she struggled
valiantly to clear her mind, to lose herself in oblivion. Beadle, however, made
sure that she wouldn�t slip away. She had thought that there couldn�t be any
more pain, but he proved her wrong again. He moved faster now, tearing into her,
heedless of any damage he caused. Finally, when the pain became too much for
her to bear, only one thought remained in her mind. She wanted him to feel the
pain as much as she did. Wanted him to feel what it meant to be torn apart, to
be raw and bleeding.

He pushed
into her with another vicious thrust and a single word tore from her lips in an
anguished scream.

�EXSANGUINARE!�

Above
her, Beadle stilled, taken off guard. Surprise registered on his face. He
frowned slightly, as he looked down at her, trying to figure out what had happened.

A shudder
went through his body, and he lifted a hand for closer inspection. �What�?�

Suddenly,
his surprise turned to shock. His face contorted painfully, and he pushed
himself off her bruised and bleeding body and to his feet. Beadle was still aroused
and her blood clung accusingly to his naked skin. He looked down at her with a
mixture of pain and anger.

�What did
you do to me,� he screamed at her.

She lay
on the floor like a broken doll, unable to rise. Her eyes met his.

�I don�t
know,� she sobbed. She was as shocked as he was.

The skin
on his face split open in a neat straight line. Blood began to ooze out and
trickle down to his chin. Beadle let out a howl of pain. Another cut appeared
on his face, and another. Frantic, he tore at his clothes, ripping his shirt
off his body. More cuts appeared on his torso. On his arms.
His manhood. He howled again.

Her eyes
widened in horror, as his body was painfully shredded to pieces right in front
of her. Blood flowed freely from his wounds now, and his tortured screams
filled the classroom, echoing eerily from the cold gray walls. The last thing
she remembered before merciful oblivion claimed her was Beadle collapsing with
one last terrible shriek.

�Jane.�

The voice was
familiar, she thought as she fought her way through the darkness.

�Jane.�
The voice was more urgent now. �Come back to me.�

Her eyes
fluttered open and slowly focused on the worried face hovering above her. If
possible, he looked even paler than usual. �Severus?�

Gradually, her vision cleared and she found herself on the wooden
floor of the Shrieking Shack, cradled protectively in Severus�
arms.

===

A/N #2: Ok, this is part one. Part two will be up in
the next couple of days. I have to make a few more changes following a last
minute brainstorm. Chapter 7 is ready. Please, keep coming back. More chapters
by Thanksgiving!

===
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