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SBW	By : ImperatriceDio Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1167 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
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- 6
Trapped by his memories

He was pacing the room restlessly, arms fold and eyebrows frowning.
Suddenly, there was a pop announcing the arrival of a house elf. It
brought him back to reality.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped at the house elf,
which, without surprise, let out a high squeak.

“Nora is to tell Master that breakfast is ready”

“Get out! And next time, ask Erin about the rules for
breakfast”

The house elf didn’t wait to be told a second time and
disappeared in a small cloud of smoke. He received Nora from an old
acquaintance that already had too many house elves. Snape had simply
accepted the house elf without needing further explanation, just
wanting to get rid of the man. Snape began to understand his
eagerness. Nora was useless and was afraid of her own shadow.

Sitting down on his bed, he let out a long sigh and stretched
quietly. His position was rigid as ever as he walked towards the
bathroom. The hot rays of light fell on his pale skin and blinded
him for a short moment before he shut the curtains with a careless
movement of wand.

He watched himself in the mirror, facing what could have been an
undead. The lack of sleep during the past semester had blackened the
surroundings of his eyes and his skin seemed to have dropped further
more.

He never liked the sun and kept himself hidden in his dungeons or in
the darkness of his rooms. After a fashion, it gave a translucent
aspect to his skin, and gave him an older and sterner look. That
thought brought an ugly sneer. Why should he care about his
appearances or about aging? That only meant more knowledge and more
power, which were two things that really matters in this world.
Isn’t it true father?

*****

“Crawl Severus”

Young Snape didn’t move, refusing to obey his father. He would
not be treated like any worthless house elf. His small body was
covered with bruises and his left eye was already turning to a purple
blue from the last assault of his patriarch.

“What is the matter? You can’t follow simple command? If
I say “crawl” you obey without question. You are a
pathetic excuse for a son, and mine at that. Where did I go wrong to
be stuck with a brainless twit such as you?”

The boy’s higher lip was swelling and it made it difficult for
the boy to move it as he tried to answer back.

“I am nof wifless. You are fhe one fhaf have no righf to
exisf…” His childish tantrum was cut short from another
blow.

Snape flew through the small room and knocked himself on the wall. He
could not hold back a scream.

“SILENCIO” his mother shouted with a broken voice. She
would always put a stopper to his scream, even though it wouldn’t
take away the pain, it would at least leave a faint trace of ego in
Severus’s heart.

“Now, isn’t it better darling?” His mother’s
voice wasn’t unsteady anymore, but her eyes, locked on his
son’s, were clearly expressing her tenderness and love toward
him. Tobias Snape was putting all his attention on the boy.

“You are so full of pride and stubbornness. I will break you,
just like I did for her. Your mother finally learned her place and
earned the right to stand by my side. But look at you, self-centered
ungrateful blockhead. Listen well; it might be the time for you to
ponder on what good you’ll be if I kill you. I won’t
always go soft on you. You will obey me, this is my last warning.”
And on this, he kicked his son in the ribs repeatedly and watched
him with a cold expression on his face.

Snape had been six years old.

*****

Water was dripping in the sink, but Snape did not pay it any
attention.

His jaw had tightened from the feelings of hatred that crept inside.
He had surpassed his father in power, the day he challenged him, the
day he left a half dead man behind. Severus had not been able to
finish his father, but at this stage, the old block was no more
threat.

That’s what he thought for several years, until he understood
the reality of his situation. Even with his father out of the map, he
had always been under the command of a leader, never able to achieve
such position himself. The shame filled him. The Dark Lord had
apparently perished and the only path for Snape had been to join and
be trapped in the web of an old cunning wizard, Dumbledore.

There was not much difference between the two. One would say the
Light? Ah! Give me a break Snape’s thought. Dumbledore
will always play his cards as he wishes, no matter who would get to
suffer in the end, exactly like his archenemy. Both only have one
desire; to carve the world to their liking.

He wanted to shape the world to his heart desires as well but as he
watched himself closely he wondered about what was left of his
dreams?

Dreams! He hadn’t been able to get into the other
dimension since July. Summer was ending soon and he had to admit,
out of frustration, that it bothered him. He didn’t want to
lose this link of power between him and the blood, him and this other
world. He needed it, craved for it and it rightfully belonged to him
alone.

With this new power he might gain the rank that he so greedily
desired? There would be no more pitiful students without ambitions,
no more weak teachers and most of all; wizards would quit hiding like
a bunch of rogues.

This secretive state of their world had brought horrors like those he
experienced within his family. The pure-bloods were belittling the
half ones, bringing them to do their worse bidding, driving them mad
with repeated curses and hexes. Just like this time…

*****

*IMPERIO* shouted the man at the end of the table. He was a lean man
in his forties, still at the prime of his life as a wizard. An aura
of ambition floated around him constantly; a very dangerous man who
will stop at no obstacles to attain his greatest wish, immortality.
He never missed a chance to flash his superiority as a leader,
expecting every of his members to obey him blindly.

Everybody had finished their meal and was waiting for the Master to
instruct them on their next movement. The young Severus had been
chosen to serve at this important meeting and being a half-blood,
this was a great honor.

But has he turned to leave the guests, he found that his mind wasn’t
being responsive any longer. Slowly, he drifted in a world of
delight; his heart felt free from the usual troubles. He turned,
grinning widely, which was again, unusual for him, but who cares? It
felt so right, no worries, only the comforting voice instructing him
to take a seat.

The ten years old boy did as he was asked, sitting next to the man at
the end of the table. His smile was splitting his thin face, giving
him a near inhuman look.

“You are so obedient; growing up to be just like your faithful
parents; such a wonderful family picture.” The man laughed
dryly.

The whole table fell into complete silence in fear of what would come
next, although, some had an idea. At first, it had been nothing but
rumors, but with the last minute invitation that were sent a week
before, it became clear that somehow, someone had managed to screw up
big time.

All eyes turned towards Eileen. She wasn’t harboring her normal
self-confidence look. Seeing her son under this man’s grip, had
the desired effect of fear for him and for what might happen.

“The path to greatness is only seen from my eyes.” said
the man has he kept his gaze on the trembling woman.

The small group did not dare speak or breathe for that matter.
“Unless some of you have reasons to disagree, thinking that you
possess the right to surpass your Master? Let me show you what true
power is about.”

The dark figure sat back in his comfy leather chair and remained
silent. The boy took off his shoes and motioned himself slowly. He
climbed on the thick wood table, filled with multiple plates, knife,
and forks, and made his way to face his mother, the grin still on his
face, not conscious of trampling her meal with his barefoot. They all
watched as he grasped her by the neck and brought her on the
furniture with him, still holding that monstrous smile. With his
thin stature, it clearly suggested the uses of magic. The young
woman went for her wand, ready to stun her son and gave him as small
damage as possible, when she realized that it wasn’t where she
always put it. She was weaponless. Turning towards her husband would
have been the most foolish thing to do, so, thinking in a heartbeat,
she went on her knees and pleaded the Great Lord to have mercy.

“My Lord, it has always been my deepest wishes to gift you with
everything I possess. I would never have left you in the shadow.
Whatever stories you heard were all lies from those that always
craves for more.”

“Eileen! It would have been wise to train your son in the art
of Occlumency. Anyone can read through this boy’s eyes, so
clearly that it brings you shame. You should consider locking him up;
it appears that he is much more curious than you may think” On
this, the dark figure let an amusing smile touched his lips and went
back to his concentrated silence.

Voldemort’s path to victory had obliviate his mind of any sense
of compassion towards his followers or lovers for that matter. He
delighted in the torture of the human flesh, knowing that the mind
and soul were meant to be broken anytime he wishes. After each raid,
many had witnessed his eagerness to demonstrate his power and his
lack of fear or remorse as he beat a Muggle to death, without using
magic. He believed that wizards should never indulge themselves to
use magic when they wanted to subdue those unworthy beings.

Eileen was waiting in silence, fearing for her son, more than for her
own safety. Although she knew far well that, in order to protect
Severus from the raging moments of his father, she had to be strong,
death was not an option.

Because she knew how devious the Great Lord could be, she could not
help but shivers, fear refusing to fade away. This time, it was not
just one of Voldemort’s silly tantrums. She did not need to
look up in his eyes, to understand that he was over the border of
committing murder. She held to her memories of happy moments with
family, hoping to hold on, but anguish quickly came back and she
wondered where and when things started to go so wrong. Eileen wished
that words and plead would stop the man, she hoped. Her thoughts were
cut short as pain surged without warning, stretching, slashing her
strength to bits. She screamed, in complete lost of control.

A moment later, young Severus was forced into hexing his mother,
trapped in the veil of unnatural obedience, unaware that something
was truly wrong. The scene was performed in deep silence, except for
the agonizing screams of the woman. Her son kept sending curses over
and over, until he was able to hear a second voice in his head.

“SEVERUS? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” He knew that voice,
recognized it has his own. But why was it so loud? He did not wish to
hear the words from that annoying voice, but somehow, it succeeded in
getting his attention. His body froze, unable to move on.

“It looks like your son is finally awaking. Perfect timing I
would say. It will allow him to witness my power and the price of
failure” Snape was standing still, fighting an inward battle,
that none could follow but himself and the tall man.

To the surprise of the audience, the boy didn’t move, showing
his ability to reject the Great Lord’s curse. The commanding
voice in his head was purposely growing fainter and fainter and
allowed him to grasp the reality. He could now see fragile form of
his mother, curled and shaking. His eyes refused to look away, his
mind acknowledging the fullness of his previous actions.

Many of those gathered at the table were perplexed. They thought that
Eileen was cruelly assisting Tobias when he beat their son, so why
wasn’t he taking his revenge.

Snape felt his stomach twitch, familiar reaction to strong violence,
he would soon be sick. He kept blinking his eyes, trying to keep the
tear inside, to keep his dinner inside, he had to stay in control,
just…be strong.

The man spoke once more “Lestrange, take his place. I will
bind him to your seat and make sure that he remembers this.”

*****

Gripping the sink hard enough to make is knuckles go white; Snape
wanted nothing more than to forget this scene.

He always remembered; the screams, the blood, his mother’s
robes ripped apart and thrown negligently to his face, falling on the
ground next to him, the endless aroused moans of men as they savaged
her body repeatedly, and the worse of all, the blank expression on
his father’s face.

There exists many ways to break the flesh, mind and soul of the human
being, but the Great Lord has always been keen to using the crudest
actions. A punishment was meant to crush down any sign of dignity,
pride and strength.

His mother had never been the same after. He would surprise her
mumbling, pleading or crying to herself day or night. Sometimes, she
would spend hours trying to get a nonexistent stain from any part of
her body, cursing herself and her family in the process. She loved
her son, but she would abandon him to his father. She was broken and
as a teenager, he never found a way to help her out.

Life teaches us how it takes only one trivial decision to bring forth
great disasters. That’s what caused Eileen to fall into the
depth of hell, never to regain her dignity.

Every moment where Tobias left the house, Eileen would leave Severus
wander around the house. His father normally kept it locked in his
room or confined to certain rooms. During is wandering, the boy had
found something incredible in one of the restricted room.

It consisted of a new procedure to create and perfectly control a
constructed body out of clay. The experiment was already far ahead
and there were plans everywhere. He had been overly fascinated and
had spent his wanderings days in this place, studying the mechanism,
understanding the complexity of mixing ingredients, and the multiple
spells that allowed the wizard to gain the upper hand on his own
creation.

It was, of course, the work of his father, but the gossips that
spread afterwards ended up quite differently.

On a particularly dark day, a tall man had visited his father. As
soon as his eyes locked on the boy, he had taken him for a walk in
the garden, supposedly to test the boy’s magical ability. It
had not been hard for the Dark Lord to confirm the boy’s
fleeting thoughts. It would not have been an important matter, for
the fact that the experiment had been hidden from his knowledge.

Right after the man’s departure, Tobias suspected something
might have happened and quickly spread the tale about being married
with an unfaithful wife who conducted strange experiments without his
acknowledgment.

It took two weeks before the Dark Lord’s gathering and the
torture of Eileen.

After the incident, Snape’s true hell had begun.

Although
Tobias was unable to perform magic, the Great Lord found something to
reward him for his loyalty. He was given a powerful item. An
intricate sculpture of a man and woman bind together in a sordid
position. No matter how ugly the item was, it allowed the user to
actually bind the soul of another without the need to wield magic.
With this, Snape’s father was able to use the Imperatus curse,
not at its fullest, but strongly effective against underage wizards;
their mind unable to resist the need to obey. It so happened that his
favorite target was his son.

Whenever
he felt like enjoying himself, he would summon Severus to perform any
duties as low as those reserves to the house elf or worse.

During
those years of continuous beating, degradation and sordid days and
nights, Hogwarts became Severus’s only escape, if he could say
so. His youth has been filled with hatred, fear, disgust, anguish and
finally, emptiness. Students were not kinder to him, but at least
none could control his mind. He would spend most of his time at the
library where he endlessly read books, hoping to find a counter curse
to the Imperatus spell. However, his researches were always
fruitless. It did allow him to gain knowledge on the field of mind
control and mind reading; he knew what he had to do. He had learned
to shut his mouth and wait. He did wait, buying his time, building
his strength for the right moment.

The
memories would never leave him in peace though.

During
her moment of lucidity, his mother kept telling him to be strong, to
hold on to his memories and to never turn is back from his goals. By
doing so, he would never allow his father to get the best of him. He
swore to follow her advices until the bitter end of his worthless
existence. However, as if life had not been cruel enough, it was
Eileen who left him first. She died young, but no longer beautiful.

***

The
blur created by his uncontrolled tears, made it difficult to look in
his mother's eyes as she was asking him to. The picture was gruesome
above anything he had seen or did before. But he forced himself to
listen to her last words, not wanting to abandon her more than he
already did.

"Severus...
my baby, my son...I...I am so sorry for this, for him, for you"
her voice was nothing more than a whisper, blood pouring out at each
word.

"How
can you be sorry for him? How?" but his strangled voice didn't
allow anymore words. He didn't want to show his weakness in front of
her; he swallowed his anger and let her speak.

"Hatred
brings nothing...don't let him get..." She was cut by continuous
coughs that brought more blood up her lips. With his trembling hands
Severus whipped it out in the gentlest way possible. She opened her
eyes as wide as her strength allowed her. She wanted to look at her
son before speaking the next words, he had to know.

"Severus,
I…love..." But her words were never meant to be heard as
she shuddered violently and then her breathing stopped, her eyes
fixed on her son.

Severus
did not move, still talking to her as if she could still hear him,
telling her how ashamed he was, how pitiful he must look, how he
would have wanted more than anything to save her, to bring her the
comfort she deserved. When he stopped, accepting that bitter
reality, he felt a tickling at the back of his neck.

"Isn't
it beautiful, the whore and her worthless offspring in their last
embrace. Are you regretting never to feel her smooth skin again? I
could transform her into a lifeless doll if you wish. She would take
you in her arms and rock you softly, or to my command, she could
strangle that tiny neck of yours."

The
fifteen years old boy turned in a slow fashion, readying his face to
stare at his Muggle father with a murderous glare. He wanted to let
him know that he was ready for him, ready to bring forth is final
breath. Suddenly, his mother words came rushing into his mind, trying
to stop him from running to his own death; he could still fight,
still live. This brought back the emptiness and he surprised himself
in smiling, a genuine madly as he looked straight at his father.

"My,
my, aren't we feeling devilish today?"

The
boy lifted his shoulder in an uncaring way.

"You
don’t fool me boy." His father smiled dangerously and took
a step forward. Snape didn't try to run, knowing that he couldn't
escape the wrath that was coming forth, but he still his body, ready
for the blow, loosing his mind in the delicious idea of getting his
revenge.

"If
you don't care about her, I imagine that no matter what happens right
now will have no effect on you will it? Good! IMPERIO" Tobias
took out the small statue from his pocket; he always kept it at hand,
a reminder of his loyalty towards the Great Lord. He laughed
inwardly, thinking that it had all be thanks to his bitch and her
offspring that he had gain more ‘respect’ in the eyes of
the Master.

A
moment of panic flew into the boy's mind, but it quickly evaporated
as the commanding voice spoke softly.

"Look
at her. Yes! that's it. Take out your wand and help her out of her
garment. Good boy! Clean the blood from her body and bring her on the
bed. That's it. Now, if I am not mistaken, you know what do to next
don't you? Sit down and learn. Today, you will have a biological
class. I am sure that Hogwarts will never be able to give you such
accurate information like I will, you really are spoiled to the
root."

He
could not fight the IMPERIO. Some free thoughts could get through,
but because of his state and lack of strength, he could not fight it.
He sat and watched his mother used has a decoy for biology purpose.
Even though his mind was ensnare, his body had a natural reaction and
he splattered his supper on the dead body, tears tarnishing his
cheeks, unable to control himself has it kept going out noisily.

"Can't
handle that few?" Came the panting voice of his father has he
struggled with Eileen’s arm, twisting it frantically, breaking
her bones in the process. “You see” he went on “I
can not use magic and because you are too weak to help out, my hands
will have to do the trick.”

Severus
mind screamed out; "BLASPHEMY! HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HER?";
unless like this time with the Great Lord, it did not succeed in
altering the power of the curse. The statuette had been expressly
carved to unable any type of release, unless you were off age.

“Come
boy; help me out with this one.” Tobias’s voice was
touched with madness.

Severus’s
strength was leaving him, lost in the swirling pool of maddening
command of his father; finally he felt on the bed, unconscious. He
awoke on a vicious hit from his father.

"YOU
WILL NOT ESCAPE IN OBLIVION!" Peering intensively into his son's
eyes, he went on.

"Now,
I told you to help me with this."

The
blow brought enough capacity for Severus to acknowledge the scene; he
wanted to scream and to run away. Instead, he obeyed, his heart
aching at each breaking bones, even though she was dead, he was
defiling her body once more.

"Stop,
don't break her thoughtlessly.” For a moment, Tobias stayed
silent, watching his dead wife with a hungry look of lust and
depravation.

“Lord,
she was hot, wasn’t she my boy?”

Severus
had abandoned the fight and could not feel any emotions other than
yearning to obey.

His father’s hand fell on the boy’s knee, lurking under
his robe.

“Repair
her” he said gently “Repair her broken bones, make her
beautiful again, just enough for my purposes. I know you can do that,
Lestrange teached you.” Insanity made Tobia’s nostrils
twitch, drop of sweat rolling from his forehead to the tip of nose.

Silently,
Severus took his wand and healed his mother’s body the best he
could. The bones remained broken, but the skin seemed to become
filled with life, her face glowing and her cheeks flushing as if she
had just been laughing heartily.

"You’re
a good boy. Now listen closely.” He whispered the command in
the boy’s left ear, letting his tongue tickle the lobe for a
moment.

The
boy's robes disappeared with a quick wand movement; he leaned over as
instructed, his mind swimming in a pool of darkness.

Snape's
bathroom.

"ENOUGH!"
he yelled to the emptiness, clutching the sink fiercely, his head
bent and shoulders shuddering. A curtain of hairs fell in front of
his eyes, mixed with his cold sweat. He felt the unmistakable twitch
in his stomach and reached the basin just on time. Having eaten
nothing yet, there was only bile and the ache provoke by the act. He
hoped that it would help make him focus, bring him back, to shut down
the memories, but it didn't. Yes, he had become a master in the art
of Occlumency, but by doing so, he had also release all the memories,
even those stored away by the Imperatus curse.

After
a fashion, he was able to stand up again, eyes madly glittering,
hands still firmly shut, mouth extremely thin. If anyone had got in
the way of Severus Snape at this disturbing moment, death would had
strike them instantly. All notions of control had left him.

The
silence was cut by a strong heartbeat.

All
the tension of his body disappeared at once and he crumbled, knocking
his head hard on the basin and he lost consciousness.

A
ghostly hand was stroking his hair tenderly, speaking some unknown
language that had the purpose to sooth his mind. He had helped her
through a rough situation as well, and now was the time for pay back.
She remembered his words of comfort, not only did he lend her
strenght, he also terminate the whole sickening session. When he had
left her in the cage, the entire display at vanished as well, giving
her enough to flee from the grasp of the Father. She had regained her
strength after a fashion, all thanks to him.

She
would respect his mother’s word, and will not ask Jua to alter
his memory. Sharing his thoughts had not been an easy task, his heart
filled with so much pain.

She
wondered if she should take the blood back. She could not predict the
future, but a war rarely involved pacified discussions over a bottle
of sweet drinks. Sighing deeply, Dunia decided to trust in the
complex weaving of Life.

Her
mind made up, she repeated her murmuring. The healing spell should
put him back into a suitable resting state.

A
delicate sigh escaped his mouth, which meant that the healing was
finally acting on his soul. She leaned forward and gave him a soft
kiss. It would be long before she would meet with him this way. A new
year at Hogwarts was starting soon, and she will have to live in the
role of an eleven years old girl.

This
plan couldn't fail, no matter what. They owed it to the respectable
last old friend of their Family, Mr. Dumbledore.

She
waited until Severus woke up but parted before he could feel her
presence.
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