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To Have and To Keep	By : MontanaDan Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 15257 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
AN: Harry has just left Hogwarts after his miscarriage.

Chapter 5 - Denial
The first thing Harry did when he got back to his flat was take an extended nap and then a long, hot shower. As the near scalding water washed over him, he made several decisions. First, he was never going to have sex with anyone else-

Right. No sex. There's a rule that's just screaming to be broken.

At least until he was back in control of his life.

You tried that 'no touching thing', remember. You hated it.

And he shouldn't have got back with Severus so soon. Severus had made him care too much again.

And since when have you ever been in control of your life?

Harry frowned. He would be in control of his life. Even if it killed him. He had his shop and he had curse breaking lessons. He would be able to take his Floo directly to the shop and to Bill's hotel room.
Decisions made, Harry pulled on a set of joggers and made his way into the kitchen. Making a pot of tea almost did kill him.

Very nice control.

Harry stared with horror at his incinerated teapot. Flames quickly licked at his countertop. When Aguamenti produced nothing from his wand, Harry dug out a pot and filled it with water. Dumping it over the fire, he jumped back as the water and sparks sprayed in a backlash. An ember hit his curtain and flared to life.
"Oh, fuck," he muttered. Looking around, he grabbed the Muggle fire extinguisher.

Do you know how to work that thing?

Harry stared at the idiot-proof instructions.

Severus might have something to say about that.

Following the directions, Harry pulled the pin, aimed the hose and fired. White foam shot out, covering the now melted pot, his singed curtains and his warped worktop.

Nice mess.

Breathing hard from adrenaline and exertion, Harry surveyed the damage. Mess was an understatement. Grabbing his wand, he was sure a quick Reparo would fix everything.

I wouldn't try it.

Harry hesitated. His Incendio (even as weakly as he'd cast it) had caused an inferno and his Aguamenti did nothing. Setting his wand aside, he cast Reparo wandlessly.
Nothing.
Scratching his head, he sighed. This was going to take some getting used to.

Yeah, like 'no sex' and 'no Severus' is going to be easy?

Grumbling about his bloody inner voice, Harry dug into his cupboard, looking for some sponges.
********
"What does Professor Snape wish of Dobby?"
Severus crossed his arms and peered down at the elf.
"I'd like you to help me, Dobby," Severus chose his words with care. "I want you to follow Harry Potter and keep me informed: what he's doing, where's he's going and with whom."
Dobby scowled, his large eyes suspicious. "Why is Professor Snape wanting to know what Harry Potter is doing?"
Severus sneered and was about to snap, but he repressed it and forced a smile. "Because Professor Snape is in love with Harry Potter and only wants him to be happy. Harry will only be happy with me."
"How is Professor Snape knowing that?"
It took all of Severus' control not to pick the thing up by its throat and throttle it. "We are fated. Harry became pregnant with my child."
Dobby's eyes became wide. "Harry Potter's baby was your baby?"
Curious as to how the elf knew, Severus raised a brow. "You knew Harry was pregnant?"
Nodding vigorously, Dobby said, "Of course. Elves is always knowing something like that."
Severus nodded curtly. "Yes. It was my baby."
Dobby's lip quivered and the blasted elf looked as if it was going to weep. "Dobby is so sorry, Professor Snape, sir."
Severus almost grinned. "Thank you, Dobby. We must look after Harry now. Will you help me?"
Dobby straightened his back, his pointed elf-chin lifted. "Of course. Dobby is doing anything to help Harry Potter."
"And you know the significance of Harry being pregnant with my child?"
"Oh, yes." Dobby smiled a rather watery smile. "Natural babies are a gift from the gods."
Severus wondered if Dobby had been able to tell there were two pregnancies at work. "Good, then do as I instructed."
"Yes, Professor Snape, sir. Dobby will make sure Harry Potter and Professor Snape is happy together."
"Just watch him and-"
But with a snap of his fingers, Dobby vanished.

Bloody elves.

At least the thing was on Severus' side.
**********
Learning to live without magic was harder than Harry had imagined. He thought it would be easy after living with the Dursleys, but it seemed that since leaving school, he'd become more at ease with using it in his everyday activities. Especially his wandless magic. He was noticing firsthand just how much he had been doing without his wand.
Most of the time, nothing would happen, but every once in a while, he'd have a mess to clean up. And he couldn't even call Dobby, because the elf couldn't get through his wards.

Maybe, you can tell him to 'pop in' outside the door and just let him in.

That idea had merit. He wondered if the wards would allow him to 'let' people in through the door. If he'd 'welcomed' them in, then he supposed they would, and they wouldn't let people who had 'evil intent' in, he knew that much.
"Harry?"
Harry spun around, startled. Grant Montgomery's head was in his fireplace.
"Hi, Grant," Harry said, moving into his living area. He sat on the couch in front of the hearth. Grant's handsome face looked up at him, his expression worried.
"Where've you been?" Grant asked. "Can I come through?"
"Er. No, you can't. I'll come to you." Grant backed out of the flames and Harry got up and stepped through the flames before the Floo disconnected.
Harry leaned on the back of the couch he had slept on that one night, feeling suddenly drained.
"Are you okay?"
"Just tired," Harry admitted.
"So, where have you been?"
"Um. In the hospital."
"St. Mungo's?"
"Er, no. Hogwarts," Harry said. "Safer for me there, you know, because of who I am."
Grant seemed to accept that. "So, that stuff in the Prophet - was it true? About the allergy?"
Harry sighed. He hated lying. "Yeah. It was stupid."
"Allergy to what?"
"Er."

Think fast.

"Passion fruit. I was going to use it in my potion, you know to, uh, flavor it. But when I was handling it, you know trying to decide if I should dice it or crush it. My hands started swelling and breaking out and it was really pretty disgusting."
Grant made a sympathetic face. "Why couldn't I go through to your place?"
"Well, um. The allergy messed up my magic and I can't take the ward off the Floo."
Grant blinked. "Really?"
"Yeah, um, Professor Snape said because it was a magical allergy and not a physiological one, that it affected my magic."
"Wow. How so?"

Just what he needs to know.

"Right. Well, it sort of fluctuates right now. Sometimes it's really strong and sometimes it's, er, weak."
"That sucks. Do you need a hug?"
Harry blinked. "What am I, five?"

Or a girl?

"Oh, don't be a git. Men need hugs too, they just don't do it in public." And before Harry knew it, Grant's arms were around him, and his hand held Harry's head to his shoulder.
It was kind of nice. They stood there for a few minutes, neither moving, just standing in an embrace. Then Grant held him away by the shoulders. "Okay, enough hug." He looked into Harry's eyes. "Feel better?"
Harry cracked a grin. "Yeah, I guess."
"Good." Grant patted his cheek. "And you should have asked me," he said. "I'd have told you that passion fruit won't work for flavor. You could have used cinnamon or even vanilla."
Harry considered it. "Yeah, good idea. I'll try it."
"Are you still going to work on the potion even though your magic is fucked up?"
Since Harry's head had started to ache, he decided he probably should. "Yeah. I think so. I'm not sure how the allergy has affected the Dark curse yet, but�"
Harry trailed off, trying to remember how much he had told Grant. This was when lies and omissions could trip you up.
"I understand." Grant touched him on the shoulder and Harry's scar gave a small pang. It was brief, however, and Grant walked off towards the kitchen. "You want a drink?"
"No, thanks, I should really get back. I'm technically still recovering, and I don't want to get comfortable and fall asleep on you."
Grant flashed a grin. "Why not? I think I'd like that."
Harry snorted. Grant was such a tease. "I just don't have the energy."
"Be sure you let me know when you do."
"I certainly will." Harry returned and stepped back into the Floo. Grant handed him some powder, his fingers lingering on Harry's hand. Pulling away as his scar flared again, Harry dropped the powder and said, "Harry Potter's flat."
As he floundered out of his Floo at home, he fell onto the couch, exhausted. His head throbbed like the devil.

You overdid it.

Maybe he had, but it had been nice to talk to someone.

You shouldn't give him false hopes.

But Harry wasn't sure if they were false. Grant was safe. He didn't really know anyone from his past.

I thought he was Nott's cousin.

Anything he knew was hearsay, then, and Grant seemed to ask before jumping to conclusions. And there was no Hogwarts baggage to contend with. What was wrong with having a friend with no complications, no strings attached?

Oh, he wants something all right.

But that's normal. There was nothing wrong with wanting someone based on chemistry and compatibility. Grant was very attractive, well-built and-

What happened to the 'no sex' thing?

Harry cursed his inner voice that still sounded like Severus again. "Bloody Severus," he muttered into the cushions. "Always has to be right."
"Screw it," Harry decided. "I like him."
*************
Harry woke up to find that his headache was still just as irritating as before he'd gone to sleep. He was still exhausted and drained. Gingerly picking his way through his flat, Harry found the Dark object Lucius had sent.
The Dark magic pulsed at his forehead and, resigned, Harry reached out and picked up the cursed statuette. His scar responded, soaking in the Dark magic until his head ceased its pounding.

At least that magic still seems to work properly.

Harry couldn't say he was relieved. It did give him something else to do though. His curse breaker lessons could continue. A quick Firecall to Bill was all it took to set up a lesson at Bill's hotel on Friday.
The rest of the day was spent doing very little. Harry thought about working on the potion, but he just didn't have the strength. Finally, he lay down in his bed - reflecting on how he must not think about Severus�or the babies.
Harry couldn't help wondering what they would have looked like. They both would have had dark hair and maybe one would have had his eyes. The green passed down, his mother's eyes. And Severus' nose. Harry snorted. But it would have been cute on the babies. He could have named one James. No, Severus would've hated that. He'd probably want to name them something old, traditional - not that James wasn't an old name. It just didn't sound very magical. Harry would've had to draw the line somewhere. He wouldn't put up with something like Odysseus. A little Severus would be nice though.
Harry punched his pillow and buried his face into its softness.
*************
"Professor Snape, sir?"
Severus started, inwardly cursing elves and their ability to startle him. Usually, they knew better than to appear without being called. He was about to lay into the elf when he remembered that he had given this one a task.
"What is it, Dobby?" he asked, face neutral.
"Harry Potter, sir," Dobby said. "He didn't leave his flat today. Not that Dobby noticed."
Of course, if Harry had traveled by Floo, the elf wouldn't have noticed. "Where did you look?"
The elf looked puzzled. "Harry Potter didn't leave."
"He could have used the Floo, you-" Severus calmed himself. "Dobby, we must be very thorough in taking care of Harry."
"Yes, Professor Snape, sir."
"You must keep up with him. Go to places he might visit."
"Dobby is not knowing that."
Severus barely refrained from shaking the thing. "Harry might visit his shop. Do you know that place?" When the elf nodded, he continued. "He may go to Bill Weasley's hotel." Again the elf nodded. "He may visit Grant Montague."

Montgomery.

"Montgomery, Grant Montgomery," he corrected. "And Ron Weasley's house, and Granger's flat, and maybe even the Weasleys's store in Diagon Alley. Have you got it now?"
"Yes, sir. Dobby is knowing where to look now." His bug eyes blinked. "But this will be taking a lot of time, sir."
Severus waved it off. "Ask the Headmaster if you are worried about your duties. I'm sure he'll approve."
Dobby bowed deeply, his face determined. "Dobby will be keeping up this time, Professor Snape, sir. Dobby promises."
He vanished with a pop and Severus stared at the spot. A whole day. What could he have been doing? Severus had called twice and both times Harry hadn't answered. He rubbed his face and looked down at the stack of parchment, which wouldn't get graded now.

This love business is completely insufferable.

Severus couldn't agree more.
*************
On Tuesday, Harry went to the shop because he couldn't bear being stuck at home alone with nothing better to do than think about what he had lost.

And Severus.

He felt stronger today and he was sure that a couple of hours' activity would be good for him. Rummaging through his inventory, Harry found himself pleased with his stock. He found a clipboard containing a detailed list and set out trying to match the description with the item. After several hours, he heard a rap on the door.
Peering through the curtains, Harry saw his employees on the step. He opened the door and the ladies rushed in. Millie swept Harry into a hug. "Come away from the door dear," she said.
Cassi was right behind her and looked like she wanted to hug him too but restrained herself. "So sorry, my dear. So sad."
Harry stared at them.
"The vision, you know," Cassi explained. "I saw, I saw�" She shuddered and Harry swallowed.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Harry choked.
"There was nothing you could do to stop it, dear," Cassi said. Millie nodded. "Magical pregnancies cannot be controlled."
That did a lot to ease some of Harry's guilt but� "I still should have-"
"Listen to me, Harry," Cassi interrupted. "You could have been shot right through the womb and a magical baby would have survived." Harry blinked. "Only magic can affect a magical pregnancy. Anything physical could not have harmed that baby. It feeds off magic from you and would suck you dry before it would be terminated."

That explains the power 'fluctuation.'

"Which is why only powerful wizards can become pregnant to begin with," Millie input.
"Now, come away from the window. You aren't wearing a glamour."
Harry allowed himself to be pulled further into the shop and pushed into one of the comfy chairs. "My magic is all messed up now."
"Of course it is, dear," Cassi said. "It would have fought like a demon to keep from being lost. It wanted to be born."
A crushing weight squeezed inside Harry's chest. But Harry hadn't wanted it.
"Who's the other father?"
Harry's head swung up at Millie's question. Looking at their aged, concerned faces, Harry saw no condemnation or pity, merely interest and sympathy. These ladies were part of his life now, part of his family.
He sighed and began, "When I was at school, I fell in love with one of my professors. He was helping prepare me to fight Voldemort." He ignored the double flinch. "When I found out my feelings were returned, the relationship became physical."
Both ladies made themselves comfortable in two other chairs that Millie transfigured. "Oh, my. This is better than the cinema," Millie said.
"A teacher?" Cassi said, just a touch of chastisement in her tone.
"Hey, I thought I was going to die," Harry defended. "I wasn't going to not live a little."
"Perfectly understandable," Millie said with a glare at Cassi to keep her quiet.
"Anyway, after I faced Voldemort - and lived - the teacher, well, he said some horrible things about how he was only with me to make sure I would win."
"Oh dear, he broke it off," Millie murmured.
"Yes. I sort of gave up after that."
"Is that why you agreed to marry Malfoy?" Cassi asked.
"Yeah, I guess." Harry sighed. "He offered me security, a family, a home, all that. Anyway, the professor was livid, always taunting me that Lucius was just using me and that he hadn't set me free so that I could waste myself on Malfoy."
"Ah," both women said knowingly, and Harry wondered if all men were as dense as he seemed to be or if it was just Harry.
"So, when Se-the professor found out that Malfoy was going to give me a pregnancy potion-"
"How the devil did he find out?" Millie demanded.
"Er. He just did, so he�intervened." Harry hoped he wouldn't have to elaborate. The women were shrewd enough that he didn't.
"Your secret is safe with us," Millie declared. "We can disguise you well enough ourselves."
"Wait a minute," Cassi said, standing up as she reached for Harry. "Give me your arm."
Panicked, Harry jumped up and pulled away. "Oh, no. You're not touching me again."
"Oh, don't be a baby. I just have a feeling-"
Harry took a step back. "Really, it's okay."
"What is it, Cassi?" Millie asked.
The Seer eyed Harry. "This teacher," she queried. "It wasn't the Potions Master was it?"
Harry's jaw dropped open. "How�that's�" He scowled suspiciously. "What makes you think that?"

Oh, good cover-up.

"Oh," she speculated, "a teacher who would have to be at least somewhere around your age. Who might know about Malfoy using a male pregnancy potion - they are friends, aren't they?"
Millie bounced a little on the balls of her feet. "Oooh, Abigail."
Cassi nodded.
"How thrilling," Millie cooed.

Who the hell is Abigail?

Cassi crossed her arms. "Is it or isn't it?"
Completely thrown, Harry retreated and turned towards the Floo. "I'll just have a friend cast the glamour so we can open."

Coward.

Harry was only minimally surprised when Draco answered Hermione's Floo. Hermione came through the fire quickly and hugged Harry. Harry explained that he needed a glamour so he could open the shop and Hermione sighed.
"That's the funny thing about allergies," she said.
"Allergies? What's this?" Millie asked.
"It's okay, Hermione," Harry said. "Cassi is a Seer. They know about the miscarriage."
Relieved, Hermione turned back to Harry. "You really need to deal with your grief, Harry. You need closure."
"Look, all I need right now is a glamour."
Hermione tapped her foot, crossing her arms. "I don't think I've ever seen your Harry Carlson glamour."

Should have called Bill - or Grant, even.

Harry frowned, until he remembered Draco visiting the shop. "Draco's seen it."
Draco came through, cast the glamour and left.
Harry eyed his exit. "What's wrong with him?"
"His father is pretty eaten up over what happened," Hermione explained.
Another wave of guilt hit Harry.
"And well he should be," Millie declared. "Giving someone a potion like that, especially without consent. He should be-"

Exactly. He should feel guilty. You should not.

"Millie," Cassi warned, her eyes on Harry.
"Right, well, you go on, dear," Millie steered Hermione back to the Floo. "We'll take good care of Harry."
Hermione studied both women then nodded. "See that you do," she said and, after giving Harry a quick kiss on the cheek, left.

Women!

******
The shop had a few customers. Some just came in to say hello to the women, but others came in to browse or ask for specific things. Harry speculated how he was going to procure things for sale. He eyed the computer skeptically and figured that if Dudley could learn to use one, then he certainly could.

Does it even work with all the Dark magic around?

Millie assured him that the computer did work. Cassi wouldn't go near it, but she told him that Mr. Nash had used the Internet when trying to locate items that customers were looking for. He also had contacts with other antique shops.
Harry guessed he'd have to do some networking to re-establish the connections. After all, if he couldn't help his customers, he'd be fast out of business. He left the store in the capable hands of the women who, he'd noticed, knew every inch of the store, as well as its clientele, and went to the office to make some phone calls.
"The list's in the center drawer," Millie called from the front.
Harry found the handwritten list and, with a sigh, picked up the receiver and dialed the first number on the list. Antique World was outside London and the proprietor seemed pleased to speak with Harry and renew the old reciprocity.
"What are these stars next to some of the names on the list?" Harry yelled.
"Shh." Cassi poked her head around the door. "Those are the ones that deal with magical artifacts as well as regular antiques," she explained. "The names with the double star indicates that the owner is magical."
Harry's eyebrows rose as she disappeared and he looked back down at the list.

Cool.

It was. At least it would be easy enough to get his hands on more Dark items if he needed to.
He continued with his phone calls, surprising himself at his own professionalism. He was about halfway through the list when Dobby popped into the office, scaring him half to death.
"Oh, Harry Potter, sir, there you is."
Harry rolled his eyes. "Hi, Dobby."
"Dobby is looking all over for Harry Potter," he said, wringing his hands. "Dobby is not liking not knowing where Harry Potter is."
"I'm fine, Dobby. Really."
"Professor Snape is saying that Harry Potter should be resting, not working his self to exhaustion at his shop."
Harry smirked. "Professor Snape doesn't own me," he murmured. To the elf, he said, "How did you find me?"
"Professor Snape is telling Dobby where to find Harry Potter, so Dobby can take care of him."
Harry looked up. "Just what did Professor Snape tell you?" he asked carefully.
"Professor Snape wants to know where Harry Potter is going and what he is doing," he said. "Professor Snape is lov-"
"What?" Harry roared, standing up behind his desk. "He told you to follow me?"
"Mr. Carlson, we have customers," was called from the front.
Without thinking, Harry quickly waved a hand at the door to close it. The door slammed and shattered off its hinges.
"Great," Harry muttered. "Just bloody great." Suddenly drained, Harry sat back down and leaned his face in his hands.
Dobby fixed the door with a snap of his fingers and went to stand by Harry. "Harry Potter is needing his Professor," he said, laying a hand on Harry's knee.
Harry jumped up again and away from the touch. "No," he said. "I don't need his help and I don't need yours either. Just go home, Dobby."
"But-"
"Go home, Dobby," Harry ordered.
Dobby nodded, his large eyes sad. "Very well," he said. "For now."
Dobby disappeared and Harry dropped back into his chair.

Bloody elves.

"Everything all right, boss?" Millie asked, peeking around the door.
"Yeah, everything's fine," Harry said.
Millie looked up and down at the restored door. "Must be nice to have a house-elf that cares," she said cryptically and shut the door between them again.
"Oh, yeah," Harry muttered. "It's bloody brilliant."
*************
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To Have and To Keep