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The Nothing I've Become (Areas of Expertise II)	By : SickPuppy Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 18635 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter Four - Where I've Become So Numb

The day of Dumbledore's funeral dawned bright and clear; a beautiful day, too beautiful. Harry had left the Hospital Wing that morning, dressed in black robes, and wearing a black shirt and trousers underneath.

Sitting down, staring fixedly at the white marble tomb, Harry felt numb. His heart seemed encased in ice. The only time it thawed in the slightest was when Ginny or Ron and Hermione were near him. Now, watching the Ministry officials - the same men and women who had denounced Dumbledore when he had, time and time again, told them that Voldemort was back - made him angry.

He wandered around the edge of the congregation, head bowed, hands thrust into his pockets. Ginny was with her family, and he needed time to gather his courage, to break it off with her. Where he was going, and what he planned to do was too dangerous for her to be involved in.

He was going after Snape.

Snape. His whole being contracted as he thought that one word. The name of the man who had fooled and betrayed them all, and Dumbledore had paid the ultimate cost of that betrayal.

Murderer.

He was going to find Snape, and commit a little murder himself. He thought back to the end of his fifth year, when Bellatrix LeStrange had mocked him that you needed to mean the killing curse for it to work. Oh, he meant it. Snape was going to die at his hand, he swore that.

Ginny detached herself from her family group and trailed after him.

'Harry?' she called softly before reaching.

He turned, a stiff smile on his face.

She threaded one arm through his and leant comfortingly against him. They walked in silence for a long time. It was Harry who broke it.

'Ginny, I-' he stopped, unsure how to continue.

She sighed. 'I know Harry. You're going to be stupid and brave and, well, Gryffindor, aren't you? And you don't want me to be in danger.' Her eyes shone with suppressed tears, but they did not fall. He loved her strength and resolve at that moment.

'I'm sorry.' He said, brow wrinkled. 'School isn't where I need to be any more. There's too much other stuff - important stuff - that needs doing. I can't stay here at Hogwarts and let someone else fight, and possibly die. I can't. I think I've always known it would come down to Voldemort and me. And now it's about me and Snape.'

Ginny tensed.

'I can't let you be involved. It's too risky. You need to stay safe, as I won't let my friends be used against me. I'm going to speak to Ron and Hermione too, tell them to hide.'

He looked over the lake, seeing the squid's tentacles waving lazily. He frowned, a memory of another day when he had stood here in his mind. If only he could access it. But, like much of his feelings, it was hidden by fog.

Ginny nodded. 'I don't like it, Harry, but ok. Just don't go dating any Veelas whilst you're off on your quest.'

He grinned, a movement of his facial muscles only, as the smile never touched his eyes. 'I think my dating opportunities are going to be quite limited.' He answered, turning to face her.

Her brows were drawn down, her blue eyes almost black with sorrow. Yet she did not cry. Her face looked harsh, but she did not cry. He loved that she didn't, loved that he could lean so heavily on her, but he would have to stop.

'You're going back to your relatives, I suppose?' she queried, not looking at him, but at the scene behind him. 'Then you'll visit us for the wedding.'

'Wedding?' Harry had thought that something so normal as a wedding was out of his life forever. He thought before nodding.

'Good, cos Mom'd kill you if you didn't go.'

She said no more, did not lean in for a good-bye kiss. Instead she disentangled from him and walked away.

He stood alone for a few moments, until Ron and Hermione - sent along by Ginny - came after him. This, he was sure, would be easier. He faltered before Hermione's determined expression, however.

'I'm not coming back to Hogwarts next year.' He stated baldly, not greeting either. 'I need to go after Voldemort and Snape. And I want you two to go into hiding. I don't want you dragged through the wards and taken to some dungeon where he'll torture you before leaving you with two Death Eaters.' He broke off, more distressed than he would have believed.

Ron looked worried. 'Right,' he said, 'so you're off fighting You-Know-Who, and Snape, and we're hidden away.' He turned to Hermione, 'Does that seem remotely likely?'

Hermione shook her head. She had tied her hair up for the occasion, and now wisps of it floated out of the grip to settle about her face. 'Not remotely likely. Harry, we're coming with you.'

'NO!' his voice was loud, shocked.

She sighed. 'You said to us once before we could turn back. Well, we've had time, haven't we?' She finished off strongly, 'We're coming with you.'

'Don't make a quick decision.' Harry protested.

'Quick?!' Ron scoffed. 'Harry, we made this decision months ago, years ago, if truth be told. We're with you.'

Harry couldn't stop the flutter of happiness and hope that welled inside as he realised he wouldn't have to do it alone.

'But, your education.' He said to Hermione.

She reminded him quietly something she had once said five years ago. 'Books and learning? There are more important things, like friendship and loyalty.'

He nodded, finally accepting their assistance. The three stood together, not quite touching, looking out over the lake.

'I wish we had more time to enjoy it.' Harry said. 'To enjoy the peace and quiet, I mean.' He went on, still gazing over the water.

Hermione slid her arm through his, and tugged his hand from its pocket. She threaded her fingers through his and held on tightly. 'Let's enjoy it whiles it lasts.' She said wisely.

***

The day had finally ended, and Harry was alone. He had noticed that there was something wrong. Ginny looked at him oddly, and so did Ron and Hermione. Were they that afraid he'd do something stupid?

He thought about Snape. And a black cauldron of hatred filled his heart. The man deserved a long, painful death. If Harry could, he would make sure that that was what Snape got. He imagined the other lying on the floor, begging him for mercy-

No, that wasn't right. He should be the one begging Snape, but was it mercy he wanted, or more torment?

He felt dizzy. Where had this lust come from?

He told himself it was just the effect of his collapse, but it didn't help. He could feel Snape kneeling over him, black eyes full of passion, asking if he had had enough.

Harry ran to the bathroom and threw up violently.

What the HELL is wrong with me, to think THAT?!
--Obviously anything you recognise is JK Rowling's.
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The Nothing I've Become (Areas of Expertise II)